Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Shakespeare Lives ❯ The Way Things Are ( Chapter 5 )

 

(Somewhere in Konoha, mother-hen instincts kicking in, Iruka woke up. “Naruto?”)

 

“Stupid—” BAM! “Lousy—” BAM BAM! “Evil—” BAM! “Play—” BANG! CRASH!

 

And thus, Naruto created a little dent...err…a very large hole in his shower wall (for which he would later need the ANBU Fix It Squad. The ANBU now had a very successful building corp.). Surprisingly, his head was not bleeding or injured. Apparently, hardheaded was a fact not an insult.

 

For our beloved blue-eyed kitsune, he had completely forgotten that he was doing Konoha's version of Romeo and Juliet. He also completely forgot that all his missions and training sessions were cancelled till after the play. He also forgot that Romeo was being played by his arch-nemesis Uchiha Sasuke. And, of course, being the simpleton he truly was, is, and always will be, Naruto forgot completely that for a total of around one month he would be stuck as a girl.

 

Poor Naruto…he forgot he was supposed to play Juliet…

 

This was one of those times he really didn't appreciate the fact that he created the Sexy no Jutsu.

 

Another time was when he used it around town with Konohamaru and several guys ended up flirting with him. There was also the time he accidentally preformed the Jutsu to get away from Sasuke, and of course a gabizillion fangirls ended up chasing him down and beating him to a squishy pulp after they believed that he and Sasuke were an “item”.

 

Ew.

 

And now this!

 

Naruto sobbed as he sloshed out of his bathroom and into the kitchen, making himself some ramen. Yes, ramen would cheer me up, he thought.

 

However, even the sweet, sweet delicious ramen could not fix Naruto's mood and his feelings of impending doom and that the world was coming to an end, and that all girls with buns were psycho, and that girls were all psycho period, and that people who are usually quiet have really sick and twisted ideas up in their heads (which is true in so many ways that it's not even funny), and that the some people who are nice can be really apathetic, and that girls were really just scary, and that…and that…well, he forgot the rest.

 

Naruto sighed depressingly as he slurped up the rest of his ramen (even though he was depressed; there was no sense in wasting good food). He picked up the bowl and chopsticks and placed them in the sink, not bothering to wash them. He slothly climbed back into bed, drawing the covers over his head.

 

He wanted sleep. He wanted to be alone. And most important and above all, he wanted to not think about or be in this play!

 

Unfortunately for our beloved kitsune, it was just not how it was going to be.

 

BANG!

 

“NARUTO! BAKA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?”

 

Naruto's worst nightmare had come true. Again.

 

Tenten growled angrily as she glared at the bundle of blanket on the bed. “Yarou! Do you know what time it is? If you don't get going now, you are going to be late for rehearsals! You're actually already around half an hour late! SINCE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO START AT 8:00!! But you have to get there at last by NINE!! I knew you wouldn't be up, that's why I came to get you. NOW GET YOUR ARSE UP FROM BED!!!”

 

“Iie!” No!

 

The dark haired kunoichi's vein pulsed dangerously. “Get. Up. Now.”

 

“Iie!”

 

“Get. Up. NOW!!” Her voice was now dangerously scary…but Naruto did not seem to take notice…or he was used to it, since Sakura could be like that a lot. Then again, Sakura was always like that—and Naruto was the victim of a girl on permanent PMS. With Tenten, at least it was just a periodical PMS. Not that Naruto knew what PMS was, of course. He simply experienced the aftershock of it all.

 

Anyway, the kitsune remained a lump of blanket, not at all budging. By this point, Tenten had snapped (Oh PMS…lovely. Makes you wonder why Neji hasn't died yet. Or has gotten raped by this point). She gritted her teeth tightly. As the Manager, it was her responsibility to make sure all the actors…err…ninjas, make it on time to the rehearsals. Shino had told her specifically that everything had to go by schedule, or the whole thing would be out of wack. Tenten did not want to deal with this play anymore than she had to. She had other things she'd rather be doing…

 

So, doing the thing she always did with Neji (Ew. Not like that, you Jiraiya wannabes!) in order to get him out of bed (whodathunkit that Neji liked to sleep in?), with one great thrust, she grabbed the blankets and pulled it off of Naruto.

 

“Eeeeeeeeeeek!” he shrieked femininely.

 

“At least you're in Juliet's persona.”

 

“Urusai!” shouted Naruto. “What the hell was that for!?”

 

“You need to get up, dammit! We're going to be late if you don't get up now!”

 

“B-b-b-b-but! I don't wanna!”

 

“Stop picking up Hinata-chan's stuttering streak and get your arse off the bed and into clothes! We are leaving in 5 minutes!”

 

“B-but—” Naruto paused, suddenly realizing something. “Hey, how did you know where I live?”

 

Tenten sweat-dropped irritably. “You don't wanna know. You really, really, really don't want to know.” She turned on a dime and walked out of the flat, slamming the door as she left. “DON'T FORGET! FIVE MINUTES!” she shouted through the barricade of plaster, cement, and pink fluffy wall stuffing.

 

Obeying the scary PMSing teenage girl who owned more weapons of mass destruction than the Sadam Hussein, Naruto got dressed in under five minutes, which wasn't so difficult since he wore a jump suit. He depressingly slouched out of his flat, and into the hall, where Tenten was impatiently tapping her foot.

 

“Let's go,” she said. “We've got to grab another bugger.”

 

“What?” said Naruto, confused as to why Tenten was using Aussie lingo.

 

“We've got to get SOMEONE!”

 

“Oh…Who?”

 

“Sasuke…”

 

“Hontouni?” Really?

 

“Hai…”

 

“Hontouni hontouni?”

 

“Hai…” Twitch, twitch.

 

“Hontouni hontouni hontouni?”

 

“DAMMIT, YES NARUTO! WE ARE REALLY GOING TO GO GET SASUKE!” She huffed. “He's late too.”

 

Naruto snickered, his mood suddenly brighten. So I'm not the only one, he thought. So, curious as to why Sasuke wasn't on time (since he usually was for everything else…except perhaps when it involves Sakura) and desperately wanting to see Sasuke get humiliated like he himself did, Naruto followed Tenten through Konoha like a dog to its master. Not literally of course—Tenten had better uses for her leashes[1]. Err…Yeah…

 

And so, Naruto and Tenten made their way to Sasuke's house, not stopping for anything, not even Naruto's precious ramen, which Tenten automatically says has 5400 calories. The two stood in front of the large, and rather quiet, Uchiha Mansion. The estate looked like a ghost town, and seemed as exciting as seeing Sasuke reading Moby Dick.

 

“Time,” Tenten asked Naruto.

 

“Er…8:47.”

 

“We've got exactly 13 minutes before Shino's time deadline, and if I don't get the two lead actors there I'm gonna get my head bitten off by him. Not that he would anyway, he'd just act in that way of his with that tone of his that's really irritating and—” she continued to ramble.

 

“Anno…Tenten…”

 

She turned to Naruto for a moment. “Oh, right. Sasuke.”

 

The weapons master turned to the door, and with one kick, the door went crashing down. She smiled, rather pleased with herself. “No problem.”

 

“Hi-hi-his door…You killed it…”

 

“First off, STOP picking up Hinata-chan's stuttering problem. And second, I didn't kill the door. It wasn't alive in the first place.”

 

“B-b-but still…”

 

“Seriously, Naruto…Stop stuttering. It's kinda scarying me.”

 

So, the two entered the Uchiha estate in order to drag—shove—tie—what ever form of “force” you can think of—to get Sasuke to the play on time.

 

And it was less than 15 minutes and counting till the beginning of rehearsals (by Shino's accord, since the play should have started almost an hour ago). Shino wanted them there by at least 9:00…and you just didn't want to piss Shino off.

 

Bugs. Scary.

 

Meanwhile, at the Konoha Theatre, all of the other actors, including extras, had all gathered on time. Sakura was rehearsing her lines without a Juliet. Shikamaru was attempting to help Kiba with his lines, but was failing miserably. So much for being a genius. Gai was wooing a pissed off Anko, who was being kept back from killing Gai by Asuma and Genma. Neji was running away from Lee, who was asking for help on his lines (since Neji had more experiences at being good looking than him). Chouji's chips were being ripped away from him by health-crazed kunoichis. Kurenai was once again trying to get Hinata to overcome her stuttering problem, but it was as successful as trying to teach Lee fashion sense, or trying to teach Kakashi how a clock works. Kotetsu and Izumo were trying to be alone, but were constantly being interrupted by Ebisu, who was hoping to practice his lines with someone. Jiraiya was off by the change rooms, looking at the girls (who made the costumes) changing into costumes, seeing if they looked right. And of course, Kakashi was nowhere no be seen.

 

It was not even 9 o'clock yet and Iruka already felt a headache coming on. He sometimes really wishes he got married earlier in his youth. He needed some sake. Badly. Shino, on the other hand, had plans. If he weren't so stoic, he'd be laughing hysterically like Dr. Evil at the pure evilness of his super evil genius plan that was very evil. Can you say, “Evil”?

 

“Why are we doing this? Why? Why? Why?” chanted the schoolteacher over and over again.

 

“Because Godaime-sama is a sadistic, psychotic and evil woman who enjoys the suffering of others,” he replied factually and rather calmly. (This also came to apply to several million fangirls…)

 

“Like you're not enjoying this…” spoke Iruka, rather uncharacteristically sarcastic.

 

Shino smirked a little. It was a smirk that was caused by pleasure. And it was slightly terrifying. “Yes…I suppose you're right. I do enjoy this, somewhat. But once Tenten gets Naruto and Sasuke here, I will enjoy this all even more…”

 

Okay, now Iruka was really scarred.

 

Back at the Uchiha estate, Tenten and Naruto had wandered around and apparently had gotten themselves lost.

 

“WHAT THE HELL!!!!” shouted the brunette in frustration. “How the hell did we get lost!?”

 

“He has a big house…”

 

Tenten suddenly jerked and blinked at Naruto, before flushing a beet red. “D-don't ever say that again.”[2]

 

“Why?” he asked innocently.

 

“Really perverted implications…Bad thoughts, bad thoughts …”

 

“What? I don't get it…”

 

Tenten sweat-dropped. Naruto could be really very naïve and innocent sometimes. “Never mind.”

 

They wandered around some more, before Tenten finally snapped. She didn't like being lost. And they were going to be late. Those two things put her in her “happy place”.

 

“UCHIHA SASUKE! YOU DAMN BLOODY TART! GET YOUR SMART-ARSE, BACK-TALKING BUTT OUT HERE BEFORE I MAKE SURE YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO REVIVE YOUR CLAN! EVER!!!!”

 

Silence.

 

A tumbleweed blew across the yard of the Uchiha estate.

 

Twitch, twitch.

 

Naruto took a step back. Sasuke, for once in your life, I pray you don't get hurt. Tenten is going to kill you!

 

“Yarou…”

 

“Excuse me…”

 

Naruto and Tenten turned to see a smiling old lady amid the wreckage that was the Uchiha estate (Hoho! The ANBU Fix It Squad was making so much money due to this play). “By any chance, are the two of you looking for Sasuke-kun?” she asked kindly.

 

“Yes!” spoke Tenten exasperatedly.

 

“Well, he left around an hour or two ago, something about not wanting to be at a play…”

 

Silence.

 

“HE WHAT!?!?”

 

Yes, apparently, Sasuke wasn't a tart. He decided to run for it when he had a chance. He got a tingly feeling that someone would be coming over to drag him to the auditions, as that he wasn't exactly doing this by his own will from the kindness of his shriveled up Grinch-like heart. No…That just wouldn't be cool. So, being the genius he was, Sasuke left an hour or so before the play would commence and ran in the direction of the forest around the Konoha area.

 

The dark haired youth smiled pleasantly to himself as he sat on a tree branch, happy as to have been able to get away from the insanity of the play. He knew he really shouldn't have skipped out on all of his fellow victims—ninjas…But, he'd rather be anywhere but that play right now.

 

However, Sasuke was just not smart enough to realize that it would be a lot better to do the play then tempt the anger of…a certain person.

 

“UCHIHA! YAROU!”

 

Sasuke's head jerked up in surprise as he heard the angry, banshee-like yell of Tenten. His dark eyes gazed into the distance, and noticed a very angry kunoichi bouncing off the branches, coming at him in full speed. Sasuke suddenly felt very nostalgic—like the night when Itachi went on his psychotic, socialpathical, and murderous rampage as if he were a drunken squirrel that had rabies and a chain-saw at his disposal. Oh, but this was just so much scarier!

 

“Ah, shit,” said Sasuke, as he turned, running very quickly away from the scary teenage girl.

 

“GET BACK HERE YOU ARSE!”

 

Sasuke just kept running.

 

“BASTARD!!!”

 

Unfortunately for him, it seemed that his skills as a top-notch ninja suddenly decided to leave him for their own safety. The genin suddenly felt Tenten's wires circle around his body, and with a loud crash, bounded him to a nearby tree, crushing him into a nice fleshy pulp. Several gabillion shurikens plummeted towards Sasuke, missing his body by a few micro-millimeters.

 

Sasuke sweat-dropped.

 

Deep chocolate eyes glared hatefully at Sasuke. Tenten perched on a branch in front of the dark haired boy. “You. Stupid. Tart. You know how much sweat and pain you have caused me?”

 

Sasuke smiled weakly at her. Right now was not the time to be snippy. Snippy would get him killed, as that he was bound tightly to a tree, with a very scary weapons master glaring down at him with eyes to kill, and he was completely and utterly immobile.

 

“Sorry?”

 

“WELL SORRY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH YOU STUPID JACK-ARSE! NOW YOU WILL COME WITH ME AND NARUTO—” Tenten suddenly stopped, turning around to a tree. “Get out from behind there, you idiot!”

 

“B-b-b-b-but…”

 

“What did I tell you about that stuttering thing!”

 

“Is it safe to come out?”

 

Tenten sweat-dropped.

 

“Now, Sasuke, you will come with me and Naruto, whether you like it or not. Otherwise…” She brought a kunai very close to his face, her eyes glinting with a certain madness to them. “I know many torture methods…Many, many torture methods…(This is why Neji isn't complaining…)”

 

Well, besides the fact that the blackmail is working in full effect, she thought to herself.

 

So, without any other choice but to listen to the scary girl, Sasuke followed…Well, not exactly followed. Tenten wanted to make sure Sasuke doesn't use Bunshin no Jutsu to get away, so Sasuke stayed tied up, while Tenten carried him under her arm like a Mashi Maro plushie.

 

“Wow…I never knew she was that strong…She can even carry you under her arm…” said Naruto absentmindedly.

 

“Shut up…”

 

“Naruto, how many minutes?”

 

“Anno…Five?”

 

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! CRAP! SHINO IS SO GONNA BE ON MY CASE!!!” Suddenly, with the power of a graceful gazel, or the speed of any particularly fast Pokemon, Tenten raced off towards the Konoha Theatre, Sasuke bouncing under her arm like a basketball.

 

“Hey! Wait up!”

 

==============================

 

 

All of the ninja wannabe actors stared fearfully at their director. Now, normally, none of them would really complain as to having Shino as their director for this play. Sure, one was a little fearful as to what went on in the quiet bug shinobi's mind (since no one had ever known that Shino had a thing for Shakespearean plays till this very play), however, everybody knew well enough not to piss of the director, for after all, Shino was the one deciding their fate for the remainder of the month.

 

Damn Hokage-sama… everyone thought absentmindedly. For, after all, it was Tsunade's fault that they were all stuck doing this in the first place. And no one (well, maybe except for Lee and Gai), were truly enjoying this.

 

Well…that wasn't entirely true either.

 

On the night before the beginning of the grand rehearsals, Shino had been at his home plotting—planning on what he was going to do to get these actors in tiptop shape. Sure, some of them did a well enough job. However, none of them could truly act and it was one thing to repeat a bunch of lines, but a whole other matter to act it out with people that you really, really, really, really didn't want to act with. Doing that needed coordination…and someone to scream loudly without the need of a microphone. And that was one of the key reasons why Shino wished Tenten was here right now. But, the night before hand had given him many ideas. Oh, yes…many, many ideas.

 

Slowly, a small evil grin crawled up on Shino's face. Everybody gulped fearfully.

 

Iruka, who had been away getting aspirin for his permanent headache, came back to see all of the ninja/actors staring fearfully at Shino, who stood by himself off in the corner, smiling evilly, as if he was suddenly going to burst out chuckling evilly saying that he was Mojo Jojo, who had come up with another brilliant plan to destroy the Powerpuff Girls. Not that Shino would know what the Powerpuff Girls were…Maybe a really horny TV show with anorexic pretty girls and stupid macho guys. Hn. Shino didn't watch TV.[3]

 

Iruka looked around curiously, before suddenly noticing something crucial.

 

“Ah…Shino…Where is Naruto, and Sasuke…and…Tenten?” he asked. (Neji flinched at the mention of She Who Must Not Be Named.)

 

Snapping out of his fantasy world (wherever and whatever that was, not that one would really want to know), Shino turned to the brown haired Chuunin. “Ah. Iruka-sensei. I'm not sure. I told Tenten to get them here by no later than 0900 hours. She promised she would. Besides, she has one more minute left. I'm sure she'll make it.”

 

Iruka sweat-dropped. “And if she doesn't…?”

 

An evil glint flashed in Shino's glasses. “Then…well…let's just say she would never be late…”

 

Everybody cringed.

 

“Well…She has about 20 seconds now…” said Iruka, looking at his watch. “I hope she got Naruto and Sasuke, knowing those two…”

 

10 seconds…

 

9 seconds…

 

Everybody cringed some more as Shino stared off into nothingness. There was something especially evil about him today.

 

8 seconds…

 

7 seconds…

 

Everybody suddenly really, really, really wanted to not be doing this play. Shino was getting scarier by the minute…er…seconds…

 

6 seconds…

 

5 seconds…

 

“Oh my God!” whispered Kiba. “His vein is pulsing!”

 

Everyone sweat-dropped, and Lee and Gai just `pinged' for no particular reason. Maybe to lighten the mood, though not even the Backstreet Boys could lighten the mood…Ew…Backstreet Boys…

 

4 seconds…

 

3 seconds…

 

Time suddenly felt like it had slowed down, due to dread, fear, and some anticipation for mass murder. And the author is wondering why she is wasting paper. Or typing space. Whatever.

 

2 seconds…

 

1 second…

 

“WE ARE BLOODY FREAKING HERE! HA! JUST ON TIME!!!”

 

In a storm of smoke and rubble (she had destroyed everything in her path), Tenten sprinted into the theatre, with Naruto on her tail, and Sasuke under her arm. She beamed with great pride at her accomplishment. “Made it!” she shouted gleefully, dropping the tied up ebony haired Uchiha onto the ground with a loud `thump'. She beamed at the rest of the actors, who gawked at her stupidly.

 

“Stupid onna,” muttered Sasuke.

 

“I'm still wondering how she lost to Temari…having been able to carry Sasuke-teme all the way here,” Naruto mumbled to himself.

 

Shino turned to Iruka. “See. I told you she'd be on time.”

 

Iruka's left eye twitched madly. “On time…she destroyed half the stage! Again!” Iruka felt the hairs on his neck prickle; he turned to see a whole bunch of ANBU looking very angrily down on them (well, not really look, since they wore masks and all and you can't see their faces, but you could still feel their anger at their precious stage being totaled by a certain genin kunoichi).

 

“Er…” Iruka smiled nervously, sweat-dropping. “We are so going to die…”

 

Puffing, Tenten walked over to Shino. In the background, Sakura and Ino were fighting over who gets to untie Sasuke, so naturally, Sasuke stayed tied up. The brown-eyed girl huffed some more, before tuning to Shino, “So, you got everything down and accounted for, now that I've brought Sonny and Cher?”

 

“Ah…” was his answer.

 

“I really hate your short answers. It's annoying.”

 

“Hai…”

 

Twitch. “So…do you have a plan at how your going to coordinate this all, in under a month?” she questioned, waving her hand at the massive disaster that was beginning to unfold.

 

Sakura and Ino were still fighting over who gets to untie Sasuke, which meant he stayed like a worm. However, he was till able to pummel Naruto to the ground (as a worm) when the blonde began to tease him about getting beaten by a PMSing girl. Kakashi had finally decided to grace them all with his presence (an hour later than the appropriate time, and he really had no excuse to get away), and of course, Gai had simply had to pin at Kakashi, and glare at him while muttering nonsense about how Kakashi was his ultimate rival and how he had gotten a better role than him, before going back to Anko and wooing her. Anko, meanwhile, was trying to get away from Genma and Asuma so she could kill Gai (or roast him, though one can be sure that he won't taste like ramen—a little too…tangy). Neji was glaring with eyes to kill, and Hinata, who was next to him practicing with Kurenai, started to stutter even more due to her fear of her cousin (who seemed to have an anger management problem). Chouji was having WWIII with the health-crazed kunoichis. And Kurenai, bound by her teacher duties, was trying really hard not to give up on the stuttering maiden. Akamaru had apparently bitten Shikamaru, who was now trying to swing the puppy off his hand, with Kiba trying to get the puppy off his hand. But apparently, to Akamaru, Shikamaru's hand tasted really yummy. Jiraiya was currently being beaten to a pulp by the girls he had been spying on. And everybody else was more or less the same…

 

Oh my, what a large paragraph!

 

Shino sweat-dropped at the scene before him.

 

“I have a plan…I promise…I just need you.”

 

“Need me?”

 

“Yes…” (somewhere, Neji started twitching with anger. He suddenly didn't like bugs, not that he ever liked them.)

 

“Hmmm…”

 

“So, will you do the honours?”

 

Sigh. “Sure…You owe me, you know?”

 

“I know. I'm at your beck and call.” Smirk.

 

“I'm sure…” Tenten smiled before turning back to the crowd. “All right then. Ready?” He turned to Iruka.

 

Iruka popped an aspiring into his mouth and swallowed. “As ready as I'll ever be.”

 

“Ready?” She turned to Shino.

 

“As much as you are…”

 

“Okay then, Mr. Director…Here we go…”

 

Tenten took a deep breath.

 

“ALL RIGHT! LISTEN UP YOU LILY LIVER, PRISSY PANTS'! IT IS NOW AN HOUR OVER DUE!!! BUT NINE IS JUST FINE! YOU WILL ALL LISTEN TO SHINO AND IRUKA AND OF COURSE, MYSELF, AND YOU WILL NOT COMPLAIN!!! ANY FURTHER INTERRUPTIONS TO THE PROCEEDINGS OF THE PLAY WILL PAY! AND AS I HAVE SAID TO SASUKE, I KNOW MANY, MANY TORTURE METHODS! YES, MORE THAN YOU IBIKI!!!” She took another breath. “NOW, YOU WILL ALL STOP AND LISTEN!! UNDERSTAND!? WE'RE ALL GOING TO DO THIS, UNDERSTAND, YOU DODO TARTS!? THIS PLAY WILL WORK OUT, AND YOU WILL ALL DO AS WE SAY!!! NO OBJECTS!!!!!!!!!!”

 

She breathed out, before smiling to her fellow co-workers. “Well, how was that?”

 

Their hair was blown back, eyes popping. Both Iruka and Shino sweat-dropped.

 

“Loud…” said Iruka.

 

“Very loud.”

 

“I take it that's a good thing.”

 

“If you can call killing ear-drums a good thing…”

 

“It's a good thing, then.”

 

The rest of the cast and…well, basically everyone in a 3000 km radius…gawked at the three.

 

They were feeling a little scared all of a sudden. Not that they didn't feel scared before. It just simply intensified. To a very large degree…

 

Cheers!

 

 

=================================

 

 

Shino paced back and forth before the horde of ninja-wannabe-actors. Behind him stood Iruka, popping aspirins like they were Skittles, and Tenten simply waited, an annoyed expression on her normally calm features. Shino's brow was furrowed slightly as he paced back and force.

 

“Shino…stop that; you're making me dizzy,” said Kiba.

 

“Arf!”

 

“Yeah…see, Akamaru agrees with me.”

 

“The fact that your support is from a puppy is slightly diminishing your credibility, Kiba,” said Shikamaru. “It's a puppy, for God's sake.”

 

“QUIET!” shouted Tenten.

 

The two shut up immediately.

 

Shino continued to pace.

 

“Okay, I have to agree with dog-boy now,” said Tenten. “The pacing is really irritating. Do you know what you are doing?”

 

“Yes…I do.”

 

“Good. Then get on with it!”

 

Shino took a deep breath and turned to his fellow shinobi. “Now, I have exactly one month to make you all good actors. All of you can act, to a certain degree. But doing any of Shakespeare's plays takes a lot of work. Since all of your prime is fighting and not acting, this is what you shall do to become good actors.”

 

Silence.

 

“Er…Shino, maybe you should tell them what they're doing…” said Iruka.

 

“Oh, right.” He took a moment. “In order to increase productivity, and to allow myself, Tenten and Iruka-sensei to do our jobs effectively, for one week, you shall all be split up into groups ranging from 2 to 3. This will apply to the lead actors only. All extras will listen to Tenten as what they shall be doing. The leads will be under the direction of myself and will have one-on-one consultations with me periodically, and Iruka-sensei will be taking your measurements by calling your certain groups. These groups will be ordered as to the lines they do and with whom they do it with most. So, when I call your names, form your groups.

 

Group A…Sasuke and Naruto!”

 

Begrudgingly, and finally out of his trap with the wires, Sasuke walked over to stand by Naruto, who seemed to want to kill himself. He didn't want this. Behind him, he could hear the wailing of his fangirls crying “Noooo! Sasuke-kun! Don't turn gay on us!” Sasuke felt as if he agreed with them—on a certain degree, of course; no, Uchiha Sasuke cannot, will not, and refused to be ho-mo-sexual. How could he possibly revive his clan if he were gay? (At this moment, the author would simply like to state that she finds it to be absolutely ridicules that a cold hearted stoicy person like Sasuke would ever get laid, much less get married…And of course, she does not believe that Sasuke-kun has enough of a sex-drive to produce an entire clan in his short life-time…or in the time before his future non-existent wife goes into menopause…)

 

“Group B…Neji, Shikamaru and Kiba!”

 

The three boys stood still, not at all moving. A scowl was upon Shikamaru's face. Neji was glaring with eyes to kill. And Kiba and Akamaru were having a conversation in code.

 

“Arf!”

 

“Yes…I agree, Akamaru…”

 

Now, Shikamaru really didn't like the puppy. Sure, it was cute. But Shikamaru didn't understand the word cute—he heard it a lot from Ino, but he never really gave any thought to it as that Ino always and only called Sasuke cute. So, being the uber smart smarty-pants that he was, this was the conclusion that Shikamaru drew on cute things: a) girls seemed to adore them b) they were usually with really annoying people, c) they are evil, and d) cute things like to bite, and it hurts, no matter how cute and adorable girls think they are.

 

Shikamaru concretely believed that cute things would one day take over the world and force grueling hardships of cute and fuzzy things on them, with pink clouds and fluffy white unicorns, and gum-drops and sugar-plum, and…The brown-haired youth shuddered involuntarily.

 

As for Neji…well…

 

“Err…Neji…why are you looking at me like that?” asked Tenten. “Stop looking at me like that…seriously, stop…N-neji? D-daijobou?”

 

Hyuuga Neji hated all women at this moment in his life. He hated them ALL! Especially a certain weapons master who seemed to like to blackmail people. He also didn't like his cousin very much, but that was a whole other psychological issue that he needed to work through. Neji wanted to see a shrink for all the crap he went through, with his father dying and all (Curse the main family! Curse them!!), and his psycho sensei, his freaky teammate who was his psycho sensei's clone, and a sadistic machiavellian weapons master…Neji really hated his life all of a sudden. But most certainly, he hated women.

 

And no…he's not gay…eeesh! Just because he hates women, doesn't mean he's a ho-mo-sexual! It simply means he has issues to work out before he marries the said sadistic machiavellian weapons master…

 

“Group C…Sakura, Jiraiya, Kakashi and Lee!”

 

Sakura paled. This was by far one of the worst things that has ever happened in her life. Instead of being able to be with her precious (cue Golem impression!), precious Sasuke-kun, she was stuck with two perverts and a bowl-headed idiot who had no sense of fashion. This was beyond bad; it was horrible! Sakura wanted to rush into Sasuke-kun's arms and cry, and cry, and cry, then cry some more. But, by the murderous look in Sasuke's eyes, it wasn't the time—Sakura wasn't that stupid.

 

Lee was in heaven. Pure absolute heaven. He could finally have some time alone (well, not really since Jiraiya and Kakashi were going to be around, and other actors and stuff) with Sakura in order to woo her heart so that she could finally be his! Hahaha, he laughed rather sinisterly out of character in his head. Err…Not that Lee can laugh sinisterly. He tried, that is as much as you can give him.

 

As for Pervert #1, and Pervert #2, Jiraiya and Kakashi…that is rated above the rating for this fic…

 

“Group D…Gai, Anko, Kurenai, and Genma!”

 

Anko sobbed as Kurenai patted her friend gently on the back. The Jounin was going to have a mental breakdown sometimes soon. Of course, Gai, being the blissful village idiot that he was, is, and always shall be, took no notice of Anko's whimpering of pain and suffer, as that he was still shaking his fist at Kakashi, muttering as to how the Sharingan-eyed man got a better role than he did. Of course, Gai didn't complain too much about it; he got to play Anko's husband, which was pretty good for him. Anko, at the current moment, wanted to tie Gai up like a pretzel and then boil him in hot oil. Kurenai really believed that her friend needed some anger management. Genma…well, he just thought they were all nuts.

 

“And as for everyone else, you shall all be working in your own large group, in which you shall be under the direction of Tenten.” Shino looked around. “So…everybody got that?”

 

Groan.

 

Shino smiled. “Okay, you all got it.”

 

Of course, none of them could really do anything about it, fearing the wrath of Tenten, fearing the Iruka's loss of sanity that led to Iruka's wrath…and also fearing the hidden wrath of quiet people like Shino. After all, he was the director and he controlled what they did, and do. They were trapped, with no way out, and under the rule of Shino. They really had no choice; they were utterly terrified at all the evil possibilities…

 

As those three mice said in Babe, “It's the way things are.”

 

 

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To be continued…

 

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End Note: I'm actually really unsatisfied with this chapter. I dunno why. I guess it isn't as humorous as I'd like it to be. I was drunk on martinis half the time I wrote this. Yes! I drink! But I am not alcoholic! It's one of the shorter chapters too, `cause I wanna save all the juice for later. Shino has evil things planned, he does. ::chuckles evilly::

 

oO; ::stares: WTF! Why am I in a C2 story collection? I take it as a good thing this fic is in a C2? Anno, thank you to “The Laughing Fox” for having SL in there, beside “Quest of the Green Beast” (Good fic!). I feel so honoured. The irony of it all is that Jia is primarily an angst author, and rarely does humour. Jia feels very honoured that her stupid little fic (that is developing slowly because she is being killed by essays) is being loved. I really never thought that SL would get the support that it has. ::hugs everyone:: After all my exams are done, I will work extra hard on SL! I promise!

 

I will also like to note, since SL is half way to being done, I would like to thank Miya-chan for her patience, K-chan for her abundance of energy and inspiration for this fic, and Tsubasa-neechan, who gave me a lot of ideas. And a big glomp to Komatsu-sama (who left FF.net, sadly) for keeping me sane.

 

And I humbly bow before Buras-Mew-senpai! ::bows:: Jia is not worthy! I'm so honoured that you found my little moment of insanity interesting. ::bows some more:: Everyone has to read her fic, “Just For The Ladies”. ::waves to Tsuki-chan:: And people should read “All Falls Down” too. I would also like to thank everyone for reviewing! You guys are why I write this! ::beams::

 

I am so thankful to all the reviewers out there for reviewing, and most of all, enjoying Shakespeare Lives. I will try my best to attain to your expectations, and hope that you continue to enjoy SL.

 

Sankyuu, minna-san!

 

Jia Z.

 

 

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[1] Err…That line was specifically inspired and dedicated to my nee-chan and editor, Aku Tsubasa. She has a leash…and a whip too. Sometimes I feel sorry for her boyfriend/fiancée.

 

[2] I suddenly noticed I typed this out, then I really did jerk and noticed how perverted that line sounded…if you didn't get it…HIS BIG HOUSE!!! HOUSE!! XD ::Jia starts laughing hysterically::

 

[3] Yes. I was half drunk when I wrote this, so excuse the crap about Power Puff Girls. My friends and I made really, REALLY dirty jokes about that show that are not PG-13! Power…Puff…::shudders::

 

 

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Shakespeare Lives! Omake Theatre!

 

Most of our beloved “Naruto” characters are forced to work on the play by day, but what else goes on in their chaotic lives? What are Shino's other bizarre hobbies? Why does Tenten seem to have a blackmailing fetish? Who's on her blackmailing list? How are Naruto and Sasuke coping? Did Sasuke's door survive? Why hasn't Ino killed anyone yet? And what is Neji being blackmailed with? And why does the author keep neglecting certain characters? Apparently, life outside the play is just as bad…

 

(Plot of filler chapter may change)

 

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The Bible

 

In the aftermath of God's Death, all those connect with that destined time moved on—to live and grow and finally be at peace. These are their stories in a time of neither good nor evil, in a time where everything was Limbo. (A eight part Angel Sanctuary Series)

 

 

 

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© January, 2005 by Jia Z. All rights reserved.