Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Sorrow ❯ Notes and Fears ( Chapter 2 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Bookkbaby84 
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Suspense / Angst | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 06.15.2005 | Pages: 1 | Words: 2.0K | Visits: 1.2K | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Suspense / Angst | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 06.15.2005 | Pages: 1 | Words: 2.0K | Visits: 1.2K | Status: Completed
*Years Later*
"Another successful mission from Team Seven." Tsuande said, smiling at the teams of jonin that had requested to stay together after they got promoted. She looked worriedly at the tall blond man, who was sporting a large bandage on his arm.
'That must have been deep to still be there- a full day after the fight.' Tsuande thought.
"Did you need stitches?" she asked, motioning to Naruto's arm. He looked at it, then back at her.
"Uh, this? Nope- just a bit of a cut, Tsuande-baba!" A vein stood out on her forehead from her nickname, but she tried to ignore it.
"It wasn't deep?" Naruto shook his head rapidly, his trademark grin on his face.
"Do you have any more missions for us?" Sasuke asked, bored already. Tsuande shook her head.
"None more ready. Maybe tomorrow." she said. Naruto looked at her, breaking into an even wider grin.
"So we're helping a lot? Is there anything else I can do for you? Anything I can help with?" Naruto asked. Tsuande looked at him strangely.
"Why all the offers to help, Naruto? I thought you'd want the day off-"
"Naw, shouldn't spend too much time being idle." Naruto interrupted. Tsuande gave him another strange look as well as his teammates, but he ignored it. Tsuande started shuffling through papers, coming up with a mission that would take a bit of time, but had to be done.
"I have a D-class mission that I was going to assign to one of the news genin teams, but if you want it, tak-"
"I'll do it. What is it?" Naruto asked. Tsuande frowned.
"Just a moment- hold your horses! You just have to clean up training field D and the nearby park. It's gotten overrun with litter."
"Thanks." Naruto said. "I'll go do that now." He turned and left. Tsuande watched his retreating back, concerned.
"That was... odd." she said. Kakashi nodded- he had stayed with his team at their request.
"Naruto's been like that for a while now- he seems obsessed with helping out. I didn't know that he could be so nice and caring!" Sakura said. Tsuande still watched his retreating back.
'I don't know... something's been a little off about him lately.' Tsuande thought. 'He seems a bit too eager to help, too willing to please.' She shrugged it off.
'It's probably nothing.'
"Go enjoy your day off." she said, smiling at the three remaining in the room. They left.
*One Hour Later*
Naruto whistled as he picked up the trash.
'Tsuande may have started wondering why it didn't heal...' he thought, glancing at his wounded arm. He knew why. He was finally healing a bit more like a normal person, not at a superfast speed. Now it took him a day or two to heal what took a regular person a week. That could mean only one thing.
Kyuubi's chakra was getting exhausted with all the cuts he recieved- self-inflicted and not. He had noticed lately that the cuts he made with his kunai were leaving scars, not just healing smooth.
He paused in his cleaning for a moment, just looking around the field and park.
"So peaceful..." he whispered. He drank the scene in- it may very well be the last time he saw this park. He had been thinking about just killing himself. He was so tired... so tired...
No matter how much he did, no matter how much he hated doing the odd jobs and not just being lazy, he still offered with a smile on his face. He couldn't slack off- this was his atonement. He would do the jobs because he had to- he had to help. It mattered little what he felt.
'And what kind of a selfish bastard am I anyway, to just refuse to help and be lazy all day just because? It's my fault that kids grew up without parents. It's my fault that Konoha lost the Fourth. It's my fault that almost a whole generation of ninja were lost. This is the least I can do.' When Naruto thought about it, he intellectually knew that nothing was his fault. That didn't stop the guilt. That didn't stop the hate. That didn't stop the cutting. Lately, the cuts he made were the only things that made him feel human. He didn't feel emotions much anymore- except for sorrow and regret and longing. Sorrow for the things he had done, and for the last life he had ruined- his own. Regret for all the things he could never change, could never say. Longing for all the things he wanted but was unworthy of and could never have. Needless to say, this last category was the longest.
"Ne, Kyuubi..." Naruto said, glancing down at his stomach. "Do you think we've repaid this village enough? Do you think that we should leave them alone now? They've dealt with us enough, don't you think?"
The seal didn't answer. Naruto sighed and looked up to the setting sun.
"I do."
Sasuke carefully watched the golden-haired man cheerfully pick up trash. Something about his obviously cheerful personality had always bothered Sasuke, but now something was just... off about the blond.
'What is your secret, Naruto?' Sasuke asked, narrowing his eyes. Naruto suddenly stretched, yawning as he watched the sun go down.
"That's the last of it. Time to go home." Naruto said aloud, a laugh in his voice. Sasuke blinked. He had thought that he had heard a trace of bitterness in the blond's voice, almost like he was mocking his own sentence. Of course, Sasuke had to be wrong- Naruto was never bitter.
Sasuke sighed and decided to go to his house as well. Nothing would be gained by staying and watching the blond. He would simply have to confront him later.
*That Night*
Naruto stole out of his apartment, a note clutched in his hand. He had to deliver it before he lost his nerve to give it to Sasuke. It wouldn't do to have someone else find his body, read the note, and figure out his feelings!
He stopped right in front of the Uchiha Manor. In all his years of knowing Sasuke, he had never set foot in the manor. All he knew was that Sasuke lived alone. Letting out a puff of air, he leapt over the gate, expertly avoiding the traps that had been set for intruders.
Cautiously, he peeked into each window of the house, trying to locate Sasuke. He got lucky- on his fifth try, he found his childhood rival and longtime love sleeping on a large futon on the floor. Stealthily, he opened the window. It made no noise and slid up easily. Naruto dropped to the floor, making less noise than a cat. He knelt next to the sleeping male, admiring his face for one last time.
"I guess this is goodbye. You're slipping, Sasuke. I got in here way too easily. I... I just wanted you to have this." He put the note down on the floor, propped up so that Sasuke would see it when he awoke a few hours from now.
"I... I'll miss you." Naruto glanced out the window. Still black as midnight, but from the position of the moon he knew it had to be near two o'clock in the morning.
It was time.
"I have to go. Goodbye, Sasuke-koi." Naruto said, loving the way Sasuke's new nickname rolled off his tongue for the first and last time. He bent down over the other man, pressing his lips gentley to his. As soon as it began, it ended.
"I'm sorry." Naruto whispered, leaving the house. He paused at the window for one last look, but his eyes grew wide with terror as he saw Sasuke stirring, then open his eyes. He bolted.
Sasuke awoke slowly- for him, that is. He sat up lethargically, putting one hand to his lips.
"Was that a... a dream?" he wondered aloud. He had just dreamt that Naruto had kissed him... was it true?
Sasuke shook his head. It was just a dream. He was about to go back to sleep when something white caught his eye. He turned his head to see it more fully.
It was a note, addressed to him. He instantly recognized the chicken scratch handwriting as Naruto's. Something told him that this was urgent. He had learned to trust his gut instinct. He opened the letter, quickly reading. His eyes grew wide and he started to shake.
'Dear Sasuke-
Should I have said Sasuke-teme? It doesn't matter, nevermind. I had to write to you, just so that you would know why. Sakura-chan wouldn't have said anything- she'd probably just cry a bit, just for show. I'm just the annoying loudmouth to her. Kakashi-sensei would be too busy comforting Iruka-sensei and probably forget. Iruka-sensei might just ignore it as some sort of joke. Tsuande-baba has better things to do.
And... you meant the most to me. It sounds stupid, but I've decided to give up lying. Maybe it will earn me a few brownie points when my soul is judged, ne?
I know that you think I'm stupid and annoying and that you probably hate me or don't have time for love with the whole 'avenger' thing, but I love you. I never planned on telling you, but I had to tell you sometime- what better time than now? I mean, it's not like I'm gonna see you tomorrow or anything. Spit on my grave if you like- won't be worse than what some others are gonna be doing.
Ya'see, I think it's time you knew that I house Kyuubi. That's why people are gonna be throwing weeds on my cardboard coffin while a priest damns my soul to hell, in case you're wondering. They shouldn't bother with the preist. I've been living in hell for my whole life, but now's not the time to dredge up a dirty past, eh?
Sorry for the ranting, and I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to you, including stealing your first kiss and second (I kissed you when I dropped this off- no one was with me, no one saw I swear!) I didn't mind but I'm sure you did.
Tell everyone I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to them. I can't list all the things I'm sorry for- I don't have enough money for more paper and this is my last sheet. I really am sorry though.
If you want any of my crap you can have it. I don't need it anymore. By the time you wake up and read this I'll probably already have died. Don't bother rushing over, I'll be gone.
Sayonara and aisiteru forever
Naruto'
Sasuke dropped the note, feeling numb.
'He... he's going to kill himself... does he honestly think no one cares?!' He leapt to his feet, a new determination taking root.
He would not let Naruto die.
He grabbed his cloak, not bothering to change into real clothes and ran for Naruto's apartment, letting his door stay open behind him. Time was short, and Naruto's life hung in the balance.
'Damn you! It may be selfish but you are not going to die after what you just admitted to me!' Sasuke thought, speeding up.
End of Chap. 2
"Another successful mission from Team Seven." Tsuande said, smiling at the teams of jonin that had requested to stay together after they got promoted. She looked worriedly at the tall blond man, who was sporting a large bandage on his arm.
'That must have been deep to still be there- a full day after the fight.' Tsuande thought.
"Did you need stitches?" she asked, motioning to Naruto's arm. He looked at it, then back at her.
"Uh, this? Nope- just a bit of a cut, Tsuande-baba!" A vein stood out on her forehead from her nickname, but she tried to ignore it.
"It wasn't deep?" Naruto shook his head rapidly, his trademark grin on his face.
"Do you have any more missions for us?" Sasuke asked, bored already. Tsuande shook her head.
"None more ready. Maybe tomorrow." she said. Naruto looked at her, breaking into an even wider grin.
"So we're helping a lot? Is there anything else I can do for you? Anything I can help with?" Naruto asked. Tsuande looked at him strangely.
"Why all the offers to help, Naruto? I thought you'd want the day off-"
"Naw, shouldn't spend too much time being idle." Naruto interrupted. Tsuande gave him another strange look as well as his teammates, but he ignored it. Tsuande started shuffling through papers, coming up with a mission that would take a bit of time, but had to be done.
"I have a D-class mission that I was going to assign to one of the news genin teams, but if you want it, tak-"
"I'll do it. What is it?" Naruto asked. Tsuande frowned.
"Just a moment- hold your horses! You just have to clean up training field D and the nearby park. It's gotten overrun with litter."
"Thanks." Naruto said. "I'll go do that now." He turned and left. Tsuande watched his retreating back, concerned.
"That was... odd." she said. Kakashi nodded- he had stayed with his team at their request.
"Naruto's been like that for a while now- he seems obsessed with helping out. I didn't know that he could be so nice and caring!" Sakura said. Tsuande still watched his retreating back.
'I don't know... something's been a little off about him lately.' Tsuande thought. 'He seems a bit too eager to help, too willing to please.' She shrugged it off.
'It's probably nothing.'
"Go enjoy your day off." she said, smiling at the three remaining in the room. They left.
*One Hour Later*
Naruto whistled as he picked up the trash.
'Tsuande may have started wondering why it didn't heal...' he thought, glancing at his wounded arm. He knew why. He was finally healing a bit more like a normal person, not at a superfast speed. Now it took him a day or two to heal what took a regular person a week. That could mean only one thing.
Kyuubi's chakra was getting exhausted with all the cuts he recieved- self-inflicted and not. He had noticed lately that the cuts he made with his kunai were leaving scars, not just healing smooth.
He paused in his cleaning for a moment, just looking around the field and park.
"So peaceful..." he whispered. He drank the scene in- it may very well be the last time he saw this park. He had been thinking about just killing himself. He was so tired... so tired...
No matter how much he did, no matter how much he hated doing the odd jobs and not just being lazy, he still offered with a smile on his face. He couldn't slack off- this was his atonement. He would do the jobs because he had to- he had to help. It mattered little what he felt.
'And what kind of a selfish bastard am I anyway, to just refuse to help and be lazy all day just because? It's my fault that kids grew up without parents. It's my fault that Konoha lost the Fourth. It's my fault that almost a whole generation of ninja were lost. This is the least I can do.' When Naruto thought about it, he intellectually knew that nothing was his fault. That didn't stop the guilt. That didn't stop the hate. That didn't stop the cutting. Lately, the cuts he made were the only things that made him feel human. He didn't feel emotions much anymore- except for sorrow and regret and longing. Sorrow for the things he had done, and for the last life he had ruined- his own. Regret for all the things he could never change, could never say. Longing for all the things he wanted but was unworthy of and could never have. Needless to say, this last category was the longest.
"Ne, Kyuubi..." Naruto said, glancing down at his stomach. "Do you think we've repaid this village enough? Do you think that we should leave them alone now? They've dealt with us enough, don't you think?"
The seal didn't answer. Naruto sighed and looked up to the setting sun.
"I do."
Sasuke carefully watched the golden-haired man cheerfully pick up trash. Something about his obviously cheerful personality had always bothered Sasuke, but now something was just... off about the blond.
'What is your secret, Naruto?' Sasuke asked, narrowing his eyes. Naruto suddenly stretched, yawning as he watched the sun go down.
"That's the last of it. Time to go home." Naruto said aloud, a laugh in his voice. Sasuke blinked. He had thought that he had heard a trace of bitterness in the blond's voice, almost like he was mocking his own sentence. Of course, Sasuke had to be wrong- Naruto was never bitter.
Sasuke sighed and decided to go to his house as well. Nothing would be gained by staying and watching the blond. He would simply have to confront him later.
*That Night*
Naruto stole out of his apartment, a note clutched in his hand. He had to deliver it before he lost his nerve to give it to Sasuke. It wouldn't do to have someone else find his body, read the note, and figure out his feelings!
He stopped right in front of the Uchiha Manor. In all his years of knowing Sasuke, he had never set foot in the manor. All he knew was that Sasuke lived alone. Letting out a puff of air, he leapt over the gate, expertly avoiding the traps that had been set for intruders.
Cautiously, he peeked into each window of the house, trying to locate Sasuke. He got lucky- on his fifth try, he found his childhood rival and longtime love sleeping on a large futon on the floor. Stealthily, he opened the window. It made no noise and slid up easily. Naruto dropped to the floor, making less noise than a cat. He knelt next to the sleeping male, admiring his face for one last time.
"I guess this is goodbye. You're slipping, Sasuke. I got in here way too easily. I... I just wanted you to have this." He put the note down on the floor, propped up so that Sasuke would see it when he awoke a few hours from now.
"I... I'll miss you." Naruto glanced out the window. Still black as midnight, but from the position of the moon he knew it had to be near two o'clock in the morning.
It was time.
"I have to go. Goodbye, Sasuke-koi." Naruto said, loving the way Sasuke's new nickname rolled off his tongue for the first and last time. He bent down over the other man, pressing his lips gentley to his. As soon as it began, it ended.
"I'm sorry." Naruto whispered, leaving the house. He paused at the window for one last look, but his eyes grew wide with terror as he saw Sasuke stirring, then open his eyes. He bolted.
Sasuke awoke slowly- for him, that is. He sat up lethargically, putting one hand to his lips.
"Was that a... a dream?" he wondered aloud. He had just dreamt that Naruto had kissed him... was it true?
Sasuke shook his head. It was just a dream. He was about to go back to sleep when something white caught his eye. He turned his head to see it more fully.
It was a note, addressed to him. He instantly recognized the chicken scratch handwriting as Naruto's. Something told him that this was urgent. He had learned to trust his gut instinct. He opened the letter, quickly reading. His eyes grew wide and he started to shake.
'Dear Sasuke-
Should I have said Sasuke-teme? It doesn't matter, nevermind. I had to write to you, just so that you would know why. Sakura-chan wouldn't have said anything- she'd probably just cry a bit, just for show. I'm just the annoying loudmouth to her. Kakashi-sensei would be too busy comforting Iruka-sensei and probably forget. Iruka-sensei might just ignore it as some sort of joke. Tsuande-baba has better things to do.
And... you meant the most to me. It sounds stupid, but I've decided to give up lying. Maybe it will earn me a few brownie points when my soul is judged, ne?
I know that you think I'm stupid and annoying and that you probably hate me or don't have time for love with the whole 'avenger' thing, but I love you. I never planned on telling you, but I had to tell you sometime- what better time than now? I mean, it's not like I'm gonna see you tomorrow or anything. Spit on my grave if you like- won't be worse than what some others are gonna be doing.
Ya'see, I think it's time you knew that I house Kyuubi. That's why people are gonna be throwing weeds on my cardboard coffin while a priest damns my soul to hell, in case you're wondering. They shouldn't bother with the preist. I've been living in hell for my whole life, but now's not the time to dredge up a dirty past, eh?
Sorry for the ranting, and I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to you, including stealing your first kiss and second (I kissed you when I dropped this off- no one was with me, no one saw I swear!) I didn't mind but I'm sure you did.
Tell everyone I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to them. I can't list all the things I'm sorry for- I don't have enough money for more paper and this is my last sheet. I really am sorry though.
If you want any of my crap you can have it. I don't need it anymore. By the time you wake up and read this I'll probably already have died. Don't bother rushing over, I'll be gone.
Sayonara and aisiteru forever
Naruto'
Sasuke dropped the note, feeling numb.
'He... he's going to kill himself... does he honestly think no one cares?!' He leapt to his feet, a new determination taking root.
He would not let Naruto die.
He grabbed his cloak, not bothering to change into real clothes and ran for Naruto's apartment, letting his door stay open behind him. Time was short, and Naruto's life hung in the balance.
'Damn you! It may be selfish but you are not going to die after what you just admitted to me!' Sasuke thought, speeding up.
End of Chap. 2