Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Strikes of Illumination ❯ White Out ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: Toboe LoneWolf does not own Naruto. Unfortunately, neither do they, because Kishimoto does, and if they did own themselves than this particular occurrence would never happen. Ever. It'd be Hakke 64'ed out of existence. XD

 

Note: Toboe LoneWolf would also like to note that everything in this fic is fictional and made-up. The names are made-up. Any similarities are strictly coincidental. And this is parody.

 

White Out
Summary: The horrors of cliched fanfiction cannot be blotted out by white out. Both kinds, unfortunately.

 

-------------------------------

 

 

They stared at the screen.

 

"Do civilians have this much time on their hands?"

 

Tenten scrolled down. "…There's like…hundreds of pages…. "

 

Neji and Tenten had discovered a little website known as shinobi-fic.net. Apparently, for reasons they could not fathom, it had become incredibly popular for people to write fictional stories about other people. Certain people in the shinobi occupation. Now, Neji and Tenten would not be all too adverse to the concept, except that a majority of the stuff was romance.

 

Fluffy romance.

 

Angsty romance.

 

Steamy and hot and really not something the two of them wanted to think about…Romance.

 

Especially when it seemed like everybody they knew was paired up with somebody. Sometimes multiple somebodies. At the same time. Depending on the whim of the author.

 

This was disturbing on the level of Gai and Lee pulling sunsets, waterfalls, and green jumpsuits for a continuous fifteen minute interval. Which had happened only once, but Neji and Tenten had never forgotten it. Usually their jounin-sensei and indomitable teammate were a great deal more…sensible.

 

From the looks at the "fanfiction" produced by these anonymous civilians, it seemed as if Gai and Lee did that sort of crazy stuff…every single day. Several times.

 

"What are they, stalkers?" Tenten said disbelievingly as she read the summaries. " Shadowy Love: Ino and Shikamaru … 'Iruka and Kakashi get stuck in a closet in the Academy…ha-ha…' ….I really don't want to know."

 

"They even write things about us," Neji pointed to a link.

 

White Out
Author: Nizzle's-FaNGuRL
Genre: Romance
Rating: M
Summary: Team Gai are out on a mission when Neji and Ten Ten get separated from Gai and Lee and get lost in a blizzard! Don't worry, they find a nice log cabin, except that it isn't well stocked, so they have to share a lot of things. A whole lot of things.

 

"…"

 

"…"

 

"…How can we get lost when you have the Byakugan?"

 

"How can they misspell your name?"

 

"How can civilians not have the logic to know that shinobi…do not wander about in blizzards looking for shelter being survival idiots when we can damn well make one ourselves?"

 

Tenten and Neji looked at each other. Then at the screen.

 

"…Should…we click on it?"

 

"Do we really want to know?"

 

"No."

 

"…"

 

"…"

 

"We're just a pair of secret masochists."

 

"Indeed. Shall we read the horrors?"

 

(click)

 

—Everything was blistering white. Neji and Ten Ten couldn't see a hand's width in front of their faces; it was as if the world had turned completely white. Zero visibility, unable to know which way was up and which way was down, it was the most feared type of winter storm - the whiteout.

 

"Neji! Can you…see anything?" Ten Ten shouted. She was holding onto Neji's hand tightly.

 

"No!" Neji strained his Hyuuga's eyes to look for anything, but he couldn't see anything—

 

"Neji…" Ten Ten's grip on Neji's hand slipped, and she stumbled.

 

Oh no! Neji thought. Ten Ten's getting hypothermia! I have to find a cabin quick!

 

Suddenly, he saw something! And…yes! It was! It'd been in front of him all this time!

 

He'd finally found the lone log cabin on the mountain!

 

Quickly he burst through the door and pulled Ten Ten in.

 

Oh no, she's shivering so hard!

 

"Wake up, Ten Ten!" But she didn't wake up. That was bad. (A/N: Becuz when ppl get too cold they become unconscious)

 

Neji searched frantically for something to warm Ten Ten up, but he could only find one blanket. All of their stuff was soaked, so he couldn't use any of that. So he'd have to use body heat to warm her up real fast.

 

Quickly Neji stripped off Ten Ten clothes (A/N: LOL), although he tried not thinking about her in That Way (A/N: We'll see about that Neji-kun winkwink). Then he took off all of his clothes so he could help warm her up faster.

 

Ten Ten didn't know what was happening, but at least she was feeling warmer. She opened her eyes. Wait…

 

What continued afterwards should not be written down for the sanity of the real Neji and Tenten. Also for their knowledge that such a thing would be burned, eradicated, and erased from all databases, memories, and dirty little civilian minds who had absolutely no logic, sense, or knowledge of the basics of hypothermia. Or basic human anatomy, because bodies cannot twist in that way—

 

The real Neji and Tenten stared at the screen for a very long time.

 

Then Neji finally spoke. "The Godaime needs to make a mission that orders for this site to be shut down with military force and the civilian with the penname 'Nizzle's-FaNGuRL' to be forbidden from ever touching a keyboard ever again."

 

Tenten nodded fervently. "I agree with you whole-heartedly."

 

x x x x x

 

"Precious students! Our next mission is to Snow Country!" Gai gave the traditional thumbs-up. "We shall brave mountains and avalanches and blizzards on our quest to protect a precious flower during her maiden journey!"

 

As Lee bounced up, as he had heard many stories from Naruto and was eager to dare the elements of freezing cold and machines of metal, Tenten turned towards Neji.

 

"Neji. Whatever happens, we are sleeping on opposite sides. And we're both bringing our own blankets."