Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ The Butterfly ❯ Human Connection ( Chapter 17 )

Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine. Never has been, never will be.

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed the last few chapters and thank you so much to everyone who has been supporting me and helping me with this fic. Hmm…what to say about this chapter…I think Sasuke's still too ambiguous. I know I said I would try to fix that in this chapter but that didn't turn out so we'll try for it in the next one. Also…I was thinking maybe when this is over that I might write a prequel called "The Cocoon" which would be about Sakura's life with Kakashi and have a lot more of her relationship with Gaara…well, we'll see. I should finish this one before I start thinking of the next one, eh? Ok, so here goes chapter 17, hope you all enjoy ^^

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The Butterfly: Chapter 17

By: Tea Leaf / Banana Soap

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She walked along the edges of the village, preferring to avoid the morning bustle in the streets. Predictably, her feet found their way to the bridge. She walked to the middle and leaned against the railing as she looked up at the clear blue sky.

It was beautiful out today.

"Nee-chan!" came a small voice and she turned and smiled at Mika as the little girl ran up to her.

"Hey kiddo, how are you today?" she asked as she crouched down to the girl's level.

"Mika-chan is very good. How is Sakura nee-chan?" she asked brightly.

"Sakura nee-chan's ok" she responded hesitantly.

Her smile transferred to Gaara as he crouched down beside them too.

"Really?" he asked her as he took in the slight bruise like smudges under her eyes.

"Maybe." She answered.

"Does Sakura nee-chan want to walk with Mika-chan and nii-san?" the little girl asked hopefully as she put her hands on Sakura's knee.

"Yes please, thank you for offering." She answered.

She and Gaara straightened, and Mika grasped their hands and started to lead them over the bridge.

Sakura shook her head in wonder at the girl. It was amazing how well she was recovering and moving on from her trauma. Gaara appeared to be a miracle worker when it came to healing. But then, she'd already known that.

They walked in a comfortable silence until they reached the field of the hero monument and Mika let go of their hands.

"Can Mika-chan play here nii-san?" she asked Gaara. He smiled and nodded at her and she tumbled into the long grass, hunting for grasshoppers.

The two adults sat down back to back, resting their heads back on the other's shoulder as they looked up at the sky, watching the fluffy clouds roll by.

This was a familiar pass-time for them.

"So are you ok?" he asked after a moment.

"I'm not sure. Things are weird right now." She answered.

"How so?"

"Its Sasuke…I did something stupid and he reacted…and then he asked me about me and Kakashi and I told him something that he misunderstood again and I haven't talked to him since…" she answered, her words awkward.

Why was she feeling so tongue-tied lately? Nothing was coming out right.

"What did you do?" he asked.

"We got drunk…I kissed him…then we slept in the same bed, actually slept though nothing else…and I think he made more out of it then there was. And then I told him that it wasn't about him, it was just that I sleep better when there's someone else there. And he asked me how I learnt that…and then I evaded but he asked again and I told him a bit about me and Kakashi but…I don't know what really happened…" she responded.

"What did you tell him about you and Kakashi?" he asked.

"Just that we used to sleep in the same bed…and that I liked to sleep naked…" she answered, embarrassed.

"It was so stupid…I shouldn't have told him that." She continued.

"Yeah, I can't imagine that would normally go over well."

"It was weird though…he didn't say anything, he just walked away from me." She said, a pain she didn't want to admit to filtering into her voice.

Gaara winced in sympathy, being walked away from was one of the worst experiences a person could have.

"He probably just didn't know how to react. Did you explain it to him?" Gaara questioned now.

"No…I didn't know how…he wouldn't understand even if I did." She answered him.

"I don't think you give Sasuke enough credit. You should explain it to him, make him understand." He told her.

"Why should I even bother?" she muttered numbly. She felt like she was stuck in some cheesy soap opera with all this petty drama.

"Because you care." He answered.

"I don't want to care."

"Yes you do. You're just afraid to."

She didn't respond.

"Explain it to him. Make him understand. Force him to if it comes to that." Gaara ordered her gently.

She sighed and leaned more heavily against his back.

"Fine…" she muttered.

"Go do it now." He ordered her then.

She sighed painfully as leaned forward and then stood up.

"Thanks Gaara." She told him with a small smile and a slight wave as she walked off.

Gaara sighed and lay back on the grass. He didn't really want her to finally sort things out with Sasuke; that meant she wouldn't really need him anymore.

But at the end of day, she needed that closure. She needed things to be sorted out. And he knew that, he understood that and he wanted her to have that. She deserved it.

The air was knocked out of his as Mika suddenly plopped down on his stomach and smiled at him.

He smiled back at her.

~~~

She hesitated at the door. That sign was still there. This was her last chance to change her mind.

But she couldn't, she had to go through with this. If nothing else, she owed it to the girl she had been seven years ago. She needed Sasuke to understand her.

She took a deep breath and opened the door softly and stepped in. The main floor was empty.

She closed the door behind her and slipped off her sandals. She gulped as she grasped the stair rail and walked up the steps.

She opened the door to his room and walked in.

He was lying on the bed, watching her with that numb expression she recognized from the mirror.

She bit her lip as she stood at the foot of the bed, facing him.

He didn't move.

She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out at first. She closed it again.

He raised an eyebrow.

Why did she always have so much trouble expressing herself around him?

She squared her shoulders and tried again.

"There is something you need to understand about me." She managed to say.

He didn't respond.

"You're not looking at me." She told him.

He frowned. "Yes I am." He said.

"No, you're looking through me."

His frown deepened.

"You're not seeing me, you're seeing who you think I should be." She continued.

"Everyone has always looked through me…" she said then, as some emotion he couldn't really see in her expression rose up and clogged her throat.

She paused for a moment, collecting herself.

"What you need to understand is that I am not that ideal. I'm human just like everyone else." She said then looking directly into his eyes.

She looked away from him then.

"Back then…back then no one would treat me like I was a person. Not even you and Naruto. You treated me like I was made out of glass. But I'm not. And I…I really needed to be allowed to be human then but no one would acknowledge my humanity." She said.

Still he didn't move. He didn't know what to do or what to say.

His conscience told him that now would probably be a good time to simply say nothing at all and listen to her.

This was the first time she'd opened up to him since he'd left.

"Kakashi-sensei…He was the only one who would look at me. He's the only who treated me as a human being." She started but stopped and tried again.

"I need to feel human, it tears me apart if I don't. I start to go numb and I hate that. I want to be alive and feel like everyone else." She said then.

"With Kakashi…it wasn't about any of the emotions that usually run relationships. It wasn't about love, it wasn't even about lust or sex. It wasn't about anything other than a human connection. He understood that I needed to feel human and he helped me. That's all that it was. It was just skin, just bodies." She said still looking away.

She was quiet for a moment but then snapped her eyes to his.

"Stand up." She told him.

"What?" he asked, surprised with the sudden command.

"Just stand up." She repeated.

He frowned suspiciously but did as she requested and she walked over to him and grabbed the edges of his shirt, pulling it up.

"What are you doing?" he asked shocked as he tried to fight her hands away.

"Just trust me. Now quit fighting me and take off your shirt." She commanded as she kept tugging at it.

With a slight growl of frustration he helped her tug it off.

She grabbed the edge of her own shirt and pulled it up over her head and then unhooked and dropped her bra.

He froze. What the hell was she doing?

She hooked her fingers in the belt loops of his pants and pulled him towards her until their chests were pressed against each other.

"See? Its just skin. Its just bodies." She told him as she looked up at him.

"No its not. Its your skin and your body against mine." He answered as looked straight ahead instead of at her.

"You're wrong. This is the same skin everyone has. These are the same bodies everyone else has. Don't you understand? That's the point." She told him softly as she wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him to her.

His arms instinctively wrapped around her back.

She was right. He had always looked through her. But now with her body pressed against him, now that he could feel her physically, he was forced to look at her.