Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ The Curative Career of Kaori the Ninja Nurse ❯ Gai's Strategy ( Chapter 8 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Author's Notes: This chapter takes place prior to the last chapter.

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Gai's Strategy

The previous night, Gai planned his love strategy with Lee, after Kaori had returned home.

Gai was well known for his brawn, not brains. But every once in while he had a great idea. At least to him it was a great idea, and to Lee. But to normal people, his great ideas were usually kind of out there.

“So are you going to send her flowers tomorrow?” Lee asked his sensei who dropped by his hospital room immediately after his mission.

“Something as simple as flowers would be fine for youthful expectations. But a mature woman like Kaori will not be impressed by a mere flurry of flora. In my long experience, doing something special for a woman is better than a simple gift of ephemeral floral arrangements,” Gai said confidently, then pondered, “However, it does require knowing specifically what she needs.”

Lee nodded enthusiastically. His sensei really did know the hearts of women!

“All right, now show me what you have on her,” Gai ordered.

Lee took out his little notepad and squinted at his own handwriting. “She has the day off tomorrow. She plans to go grocery shopping and then visit her family. Her parents are still living and she has a younger brother and sister,” Lee reported.

Gai nodded in approval. “I see…she's in dire need of food… That's what I can do for her! Judging by her diminutive size, she requires much more nutrients. Now her family…we need more information on them. Who are they, what are their likes and dislikes, what do they do for a living…a full dossier…”

“I'll get right on it!” Lee volunteered.

Gai looked affectionately at his little accomplice. “Okay, now you've learned about data gathering (rather than spying or stalking) in the Academy and our missions. What do you propose?”

“Hmm…” Lee pondered. Alas, Lee was also known for his speed and brawn rather than brains. The problem was, because of his injuries, he couldn't perform the usual mission duties such as secretly following the target. “Do jounin have access to civilian records?”

“Ah, I see what you mean. We should check the hospital records - that should have her address and emergency contacts, which are most likely to be her parents. From that information I should be able to track down her family. Brilliant Lee!”

They waited until after dinner when the nurses would be checking on the patients, which left only one nurse on duty at the front desk. Two green figures silently scoped the hospital halls.

Otoha was at the main desk, impatiently waiting for her shift to end. She was wearing headphones and swaying in time with the music she was listening to on her CD player. Despite her inattentiveness, she noticed Lee walking by on his crutches. She looked up and asked in an irritated tone, “May I help you?”

Lee shook his head, “No thank you. I am fine. I just wanted to walk around a bit before going to bed.”

Otoha went back to listening to her music, upping the volume, and reading her magazine, “The Konoha Inquirer.”

Gai gave Lee the thumbs up from around the corner.

Lee took a couple of more steps then suddenly fell to the floor, yelping in pain. The nurse ignored him. Her music was on so loud she didn't hear him at all.

Gai motioned for Lee to move in closer and do it again. Then again. Now Lee was really feeling the pain. The next time Lee crashed against Otoha's desk, sending the magazine flying out of her hands. She couldn't ignore him this time.

“Let's get you back to bed,” the grumpy nurse muttered as she grabbed Lee by his bad arm. Lee yelped out in pain, for real this time, and allowed himself to be man-handled and forced back to his room.

Meanwhile, Gai quickly sat in front of the computer terminal. He was no computer expert but luckily it was set up to search for patients' names.

Gai typed in Kaori as the first name and left everything else blank. There were seven patient records with that name. He clicked them one by one until the fifth record revealed Kaori's picture. He scanned the screen, looking for pertinent information, and jotted down her address, and her parent's names and address. Her medical history revealed that she had been in the Academy nearly two decades ago and she had twisted her ankle during practice.

Then he did a search on her parents' names and found that her father's insurance was paid for by one of Konoha's top accounting firms, which also happened to do independent audits on the Hokage's office. Gai knew that from the time the auditor had questioned him about his requisition for training weights of half a ton. There wasn't much information on her mother so he assumed she was a homemaker.

Footsteps approached so Gai quickly exited the screen and darted to the opposite hallway from whence the steps came. Otoha returned to her desk and stretched her long limbs lazily above her head, thrusting out her ample chest. Gai couldn't help but think it was a pity Kaori was lacking in that area. But that was all right as he had plans to turn Kaori into the perfect woman.

From Gai's long (and unsuccessful) experience in the pursuit of the usually fairer sex, he found that subtlety worked better than the direct approach (in his case). His youthful declarations of love were always met by cold stares or laughter. Instead of running into his arms, the girls ran away from him, with surprisingly impressive speed. He decided that the best way to win over Kaori was to win over her family, and make himself an indispensable part of her life (whether she wanted that or not).

So as his first step, he and Lee spent most of the night drafting a letter of introduction to Kaori's parents. The next morning he sent it along with his resume and a large floral arrangement.

To the most esteemed parents of Kuchiki Kaori:

I, Maito Gai, am writing this letter of introduction in order to declare my intention to court your most beloved daughter Kaori. I have recently realized that she is the woman of my destiny.

Flowers and youth may be ephemeral but like a stubborn weed I will stand steadfast by her side in all types of rainy weather, for like kunai and shuriken, blood and guts, peanut butter and jelly, and sweet and sour, we are destined to be together.

To prove my worthiness, I have attached my updated resume with the number and types of missions I have completed in my many years as one of Konoha's top jounin. Rest assured that your precious one will be protected both physically and financially.

I hope to have your approval and any assistance that may be necessary to win over her heart and soul like she has won over mine.

Please expect me for dinner tonight at 6:30pm sharp. This will also be a pleasant surprise for Kaori.

Sincerely yours,

Future son-in-law, a.k.a. Jounin Taijutsu Master, a.k.a. Konoha's Noble Green Beast,

Maito Gai

Kaori's parents were so pleased that their daughter finally had a serious suitor that they overlooked the rather strange letter.

Her father reviewed the resume and mission information with his calculator. “This guy's loaded! She's hit the jackpot!” he proclaimed after crunching some numbers.

Her mother was enthused by the beautiful and expensive basket of flowers. “And he's generous,” she added happily as she touched the petals of the rare orchids.

Gai definitely had their approval, thus far. Of course, whether on purpose or not, he wisely did not enclose a picture with his resume.

Gai had inferred that since Kaori's father was an accountant, he was concerned with money and whether his daughter would be care for financially. Thus he enclosed his lengthy ten page resume which detailed his most dangerous missions and their corresponding commissions. He decided to send flowers to her mother who, as a mature settled woman, would appreciate the gesture. After all, how many dedicated husbands bought flowers for their wives after decades of marriage?

But the problem was how could he get in the good graces with her siblings? He did not get the chance to research them. Gai decided to worry about that later as he did have errands to run and official responsibilities to attend to the next day.

That morning, before his mission, Gai went grocery shopping for Kaori, selecting the best cuts of meat, the premium size fruits and vegetables, and anything nutritionally fortified. By insisting it was a thank you gift for taking care of Lee, it took the pressure off Kaori. So instead of being overwhelmed and scared off by Gai's exuberance, she would accept the gift and then gradually accept him. At least that was his plan. It seemed to work as she trusted him enough to ask him to pick up a package at the bookstore. Gai never entered bookstores so he was not familiar with Pink's stock. He didn't mind running the simple errand for Kaori and thought how nice of her to offer to pick up books for her friend at the hospital. That other nurse was definitely not as hardworking as his Kaori.

The mission that morning involved a problem at the Nara laboratories and a renegade food scientist who was experimenting with growth hormones. Gai and his two genin team managed to capture the stray animals which had broken out of the laboratory. One of them was a huge turkey, which unfortunately met an untimely death during their pursuit. It broke its own neck when it tripped while escaping.

Gai had the bright idea of preparing it as his contribution to dinner. Tenten and Neji did not think it was a good idea to eat experimental animals, but their protests fell on deaf ears. After all, to Gai, the bigger, the more grandiose the gesture the better. And secretly he hoped growth hormones would help Kaori in the right places.

The afternoon was spent cooking birdzilla. Tenten and Neji were forced to watch it and took turns basting it while their sensei ran off to who knows where. Gai had ordered Neji to use his byakugan to ensure it was thoroughly and evenly cooked. As the two sat mournfully in Gai's kitchen waiting for the kitchen timer to go off every 20 minutes, they commiserated over their sensei acting weirder than usual.

“I can't believe we're wasting our time cooking this monster,” muttered Neji as he pushed the turkey back in the oven after basting.

“Be thankful Gai sensei decided on the turkey rather than the two hundred pound pig. That would take days to cook,” sighed Tenten.

“If it's not done in time, I'll have to cook it the jyuuken way.”

“What do you mean?”

“I'll force chakra into it.”

“That doesn't sound like a good idea at all.”

“It's not going to explode. My chakra control is too good for that.”

“No, I mean it's already been genetically modified. What if your chakra changes the cells at the genetic level? Maybe the turkey will become inedible. Chakra and science don't always mix well,” warned Tenten

“It'll be inedible any way if it's not cooked,” Neji reasoned.

“Let's just wait and see. Gai sensei said six hours should do it. Sigh, he's done this before.”

“You mean cook a 50 plus pound turkey? I didn't think something like that normally existed. Aren't they usually half the size?”

“I don't know. What I meant was he's gone overboard again to impress a girl.”

“Who's the latest victim?” asked Neji indifferently, used to his sensei's obsessive behavior.

“Lee mentioned one of the nurses when I visited him yesterday,” sighed Tenten.

“Hmmf, let's see how long this one lasts.” Neji thought of the previous victims. “The girl at the checkout counter of the grocery store left town immediately. The librarian filed a restraining order with a week. I heard she ended up getting plastic surgery and a new identity.”

”Well, it's impressive how he rebounds each time. But now he's saying something about destiny.”

“I thought that was my line.” Neji made a very small attempt at a self-deprecating joke.

“He's going to have to make his own destiny. I can't see a woman falling for him that easily,” said Tenten, shaking her head. “It's too bad really. I mean, sure he's not cool or that good looking, but he's a good person, honest and loyal and passionate.”

“So does that mean you'd be interested in him if you were older,” Neji asked cynically, knowing her response.

“No way! Not with that hair, those brows, that green jumpsuit…”

“So you're just as shallow as the rest of them,” Neji accused.

“Well…I'm allowed to be. I'm just a teenager. But older women should be more mature and appreciative of a man's good points,” his teammate said in her own defense.

"What about Lee?" asked Neji coolly, but inside he was very curious about her answer. He had a fondness for Tenten he would not admit to even under torture.

"Lee? Well...uh..." Tenten hesitated. Her feelings tended to shift back and forth between her two teammates. "If he's not an exact clone, he'd be salvagable," she said evasively. "Anyway, I hope it's not another fiasco."

“Hmmf. Two to one she runs off screaming,” Neji evaluated

“This one will last longer. She's a nurse - she's use to dealing with difficult patients.”

“She's not a psychiatric nurse. I give her at most a week before she breaks.”

“Hmm…I'll take that bet. A thousand ryou?”

Neji nodded, secretly confident that it would just take a couple of days.

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Next up: Gai and the Kuchiki Family