Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ The Curative Career of Kaori the Ninja Nurse ❯ Gai and the Kuchiki Family ( Chapter 9 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Gai and the Kuchiki Family

Meanwhile, Gai was trying hard to gather information on the rest of Kaori's family. He could no longer access the hospital records so he tried the Academy records, but it seemed neither of her siblings had ever enrolled. Then he had the bright idea of visiting Kaori's father's company, but with no clear plan in mind.

The man in a green jumpsuit and orange leg warmers stood out like an oozing sore thumb amongst the business suited accountants with their calculators and pencils in their left breast pockets, especially when the office was supposed to be closed for the day. He was immediately questioned by the non-shinobi security guard/desk clerk. Gai had an attack of smarts and said he was looking for Kuchiki's son, thinking that he wouldn't ask for Kaori's father but her brother instead and that he would be able to get some indirect information that way. However, the desk clerk called down Kaori's brother-in-law, Kazuhiko, who was putting in some much needed overtime thanks to his three kids.

A prematurely balding man, who looked older than Gai despite being about the same age, appeared. His eyes widened in surprise at the odd man in green. “You? You're the one with the half ton weights!” he exclaimed.

Gai looked at him quizzically. He was never good with names or faces (or numbers or letters). “I'm Maito Gai, Jounin Taijutsu Master, also known as Konoha's noble green beast. Might you be acquainted with the beauteous Kaori?”

“Er, yes, she's my sister-in-law.”

“I see…perfect! I dearly hope you can help me with the pursuit of my destined beloved.”

“Who? Kaori?” The poor accountant started to get a very bad feeling.

“Yes of course! If you could help me, my good man, I will be eternally grateful and at your service. What I need is just a bit of information. Now I'll be attending your little family gathering tonight…”

“You will?” Gai did not seem like the type of man that would interest Kaori. In fact he looked like the type she would go to great lengths to exorcise.

“Yes of course, now I would just like to know a bit about her family. Like you for instance…”

“Me? I'm not involved in…this am I?”

“Yes of course you are. Kaori's family will be my family. Now tell me about yourself.”

Gai towered over the little accountant who swallowed nervously. “Er…I'm married to Kaori's sister Sumire. We have three kids.”

“How absolutely wonderful! All those little tykes running around, keeps you young doesn't it? Ah the springtime of youth…”

“Well, I actually had all my hair before the kids…”

“So tell me about them. How old are they? What do they like?”

“Umm, I have a five year old girl and two boys - three years, and four months… Why do you need to know about them?” He looked at Gai suspiciously. Was this man really interested in women?

“To win the heart of the fair Kaori I must win over her family,” Gai explained.

Kazuhiko nodded but a warning bell continued to ring in the accountant's head. It made sense, but knowing Kaori it was a long shot, equivalent to kicking a 60 yard field goal or making a basket from the other side of the court. No, it was more like getting all the credits and debits to reconcile during tax time. The woman was very particular and for some reason she never seemed to notice when Kazuhiko was in the room. He recalled the last time Kaori was unhappy with a date her parents arranged. She dumped her dinner in the guy's lap. So now Kazuhiko wisely decided not to go to dinner tonight.

“Umm, well, the two older ones and I probably won't be able to make it, but my wife will be there with the baby. My wife likes it when people play with the baby and take him off her hands for a while. The baby…well, he's like all babies. He's been fussing lately. Maybe he's teething…”

Gai nodded and scribbled madly in his little notepad. “And Kaori's brother?”

“Akira has a two year old girl. His wife Sadako doesn't get along with Kaori, and vice versa. I think it's because they're sort of alike. But I have to admit Kaori is better. She may ignore me, but at least she doesn't insult me,” the poor little accountant sighed. It felt good to get the dirty family laundry off his chest.

“Hmm…so should I be antagonistic to the sister-in-law?”

“Oh no, please don't add any more kindling to the fire. Just stick to safe non- controversial subjects and change the subject if it looks like it's going to get bad.” But Kazuhiko thought to himself, `Good luck, with those two even the weather's not a safe subject.'

“Does she get along with her brother?”

“She used to. Akira was an easygoing laidback kid. Kaori kind of bullied him when they were growing up. But ever since he's been with Sadako, he's been tougher and I think that annoys her.” Kazuhiko was now thoroughly enjoying dissing his in-laws. He tried hard not to smile.

“What do the two of them do for a living?”

“Akira works at the gambling house in Otafuka. He's in charge of the dice tables. He met his wife there. She was a…hostess. Now she just takes care of their daughter. That one's worse than all my kids combined. She loves to destroy her toys.” He added the last part in satisfaction. Those two deserved to have a brat like that.

“Hmm…” Gai muttered as he scribbled away.

“I hope this helps. It's very smart of you to prepare yourself like this. Saves a lot of time in the long run…”

“Yes! Efficiency is my middle name,” Gai said with his sparkling smile.

`M.E.G? No, G.E.M., yes I see, he is so sparkly.' Kazuhiko was visibly impressed with this man who was so full of confidence, so strong, so smart. He even had an impressive head of hair, unlike his own. He wished he could be just like Gai. Maybe this man really did have a chance with Kaori…if it only weren't for that green jumpsuit…

-…-…-…-

Gai then made his way to the Kuchiki house and setup his surveillance equipment. He patiently waited as one sibling after another appeared. He casually listened in on their boring civilian conversations, then brightened when he saw Kaori approach. He listened carefully to the exchanges between Kaori and the other women.

As Kaori set the dinner table, Neji and Tenten arrived with the turkey. Gai immediately ordered Neji to find an indestructible toy and Tenten to find something for a teething baby that wouldn't affect its teeth.

Neji and Tenten protested that it was already late and most of the stores were closed, but Gai would have none of it. “It's a serious mission. You have ten minutes or I'll see you both tomorrow for special training. Your green jumpsuits will be ready…”

As soon as Gai mentioned the green jumpsuits, Neji and Tenten sped away at top chakra speed.

Neji headed straight for the Hyuuga complex and toward the Head family's mansion. There he found Hanabi in the courtyard, just finished with her kunai throwing practice. Neji quickly knocked Hanabi over and grabbed her teddy bear, which she sometimes used for target practice. “Sorry kid, I need this more than you do!” he said as he rushed back to his love crazed sensei, leaving his poor cousin in tears.

Meanwhile Tenten resorted to breaking and entering of an infant supply store. But she did guiltily leave 250 ryou for the item she stole and another 2000 ryou for the lock she broke. Neji made no such apology. In fact, he rather enjoyed his mission.

-…-…-…-

`This is not happening. I must have fallen asleep during dinner. I must have been poisoned by tainted sashimi.' Kaori just stood in front of the door in a daze. Her mother roughly pushed her aside to greet their honored guest. Her father bowed, and patted Gai on the back like an old friend as he entered.

The rest of the family gathered around staring with interest at the man carrying the giant fowl. What they saw was a tall, well-built man, of good humor with very straight, white, shiny teeth. He was not particularly good looking, but had nice masculine rugged features. He seemed friendly and personable. Quite a good catch they all appraised - until he put the turkey down on the dining table. Then they saw his hideous green jumpsuit in all its infamous glory.

“For today's feast, I bring to you the daimyo of all poultry!” Gai declared as he set down the turkey.

Everyone stared in awe at the large bird (and the green jumpsuit with clashing orange leg warmers). But Kaori knew that not only was it big, it was unnaturally so, so she asked in trepidation, “Umm…where did you get such a…fine specimen?”

“The Nara farm breeds the most exceptional animals,” Gai replied a bit evasively. “Let's dig in! It's best when it's hot.”

As Kaori's father introduced the other members of the family, her mother served the food, Gai cut up the turkey, and Kaori stayed silent and thought. `What the hell is he doing here? He's stalking me! This morning he said he'd see me later so he must have planned this…but how? Wait a second…that Lee. I told him about seeing my family. I should never have saved him from that orange! Damn, what do I do now?'

Kaori looked over at her smiling family who had all taken their seats, leaving one seat for Kaori. Gai sat at one end of the table while her father sat at the other end. Her brother and mother sat on either side of her father. Sumire was next to their mother and crazy sister-law sat on Gai's left with the little tyrant between her and her husband. The empty seat was on Gai's right and next to Kaori's sister.

They seemed to be quite taken with the odd man in green. Gai now had Sumire's baby in his lap. The baby was fascinated, or maybe petrified, by Gai's eyebrows and stared at them, wide-eyed and unblinking. His chubby little arms reached up in an attempt to pull them off.

“Oh, before I forget…” Gai took out a little package from his inner vest pocket. “This is for the baby…and this…” He reached into his hip pouch, “…is for the little princess.”

The two mothers smiled and thanked him for his gracious gifts. It was exactly what they wanted! The baby received an orthodontic pacifier, specially shaped as to not affect incoming teeth, while the little beast received a teddy bear, but one made of indestructible Kevlar, just like the shinobi vests.

With a sigh, Kaori took her seat next to Gai, who despite having a 20 pound bundle in one arm, immediately placed several large slabs of turkey on her plate. Kaori eyed them suspiciously. She knew the Nara farm also had a laboratory with experimental animals. “Umm…thank you but I don't like turkey,” she protested. “It's too dry.”

“It's just like chicken and everyone likes chicken. Just add some of this,” Gai insisted as he ladled some gravy over her turkey.

“That's right dear,” her mother added with an edge in her voice. “You like chicken so you'll like this too,” she insisted. She knew immediately that Kaori was in her difficult mode.

Kaori's stomach clenched in objection. There was no way she would eat it. But she just nodded and piled some rice on top of it.

“So tell me about that… uniform you're wearing. That's not the usual Konoha shinobi uniform is it?” Kaori's horrible sister-in-law asked with amusement.

“Ah, yes, I'm glad you noticed. This here is an aerodynamic, breathable, elastic, custom made jumpsuit, personally designed by yours truly. It increases my speed and flexibility by 10 percent over the usual shinobi uniform and it's better for camouflage,” Gai explained proudly. He continued to give details on the material, density, and weave, in addition to statistics on its performance as tested by himself and his disciple Lee. Then he went into storytelling mode with some of his most exciting missions.

Kaori wasn't listening. She was studying her family's reaction. The group of pathetic civilians seemed to be taken in by the excitement of shinobi life as they listened attentively to everything Gai had to say. `Don't you all realize this guy is weird! He's stalking me! I didn't invite him to dinner!' she wanted to shout, but she stayed silent. After all, what if Gai were really crazy? What if her rebuff sent him over the edge? Nothing more dangerous than an insane shinobi.

She picked at her food, without eating anything, as she thought hard about how she could discourage her suitor and escape from this nightmare. `I could pretend I just remembered I needed to do something at the hospital. But chances are he would insist on escorting me. I could pretend I'm sick. But then he'd probably make me some disgusting health drink. If I go home he'll insist on taking me. I can't escape, can I? Best I could do is make it short…'

Kaori's thoughts were disturbed as the baby and toddler both started to cry, apparently both vying for Gai's attention. Gai bounced the baby on his knee, while cutting a small piece of turkey. He then reached over, and zoomed it into the older child's mouth. Kaori's family all clapped at his expertise, but then something strange happened.

Someone hiccupped. But it wasn't quite a hiccup. It was more like a gurgle from the throat, or rather a gobble. Soon everyone except Kaori and the baby started to hiccup-gobble. Kaori was horrified but both kids laughed happily, especially the older one who found her own hiccup-gobbling to be quite entertaining.

`What the hell!' Kaori thought. `It must be that mutant turkey. Who knows what kind of experiments they were doing at that place. But it seems relatively harmless. No one's sprouted feathers. Maybe once it's digested it'll go away.' “Don't eat any more of that turkey!” Kaori warned, though it was rather late for that.

But her family seemed to be enjoying it - they were all laughing and pointing at each other. “Lighten-gob-ble-up Kaori,” her mother said between hiccups. “This is kind of gob-ble-fun.”

The toddler shrieked in laughter and yelled “Gob-ble fun gramma!”

Gai looked at Kaori sheepishly and tried to explain, “Er…my…gob-ble…genin Neji swore adding chakra to help…gob-ble…cook the turkey wouldn't have side effects. But hey, the turkey was…gob-ble…good wasn't it?”

Kaori shook her head. Another misuse of chakra disaster. `Don't these shinobi know that chakra can't be used to solve every problem?' All those kitchen fires from shinobi trying to light their old stoves with fireballs resulted in several accidents every year. Homes were damaged by shinobi using water jutsu to clean their floors, not realizing the floor had no drain to accommodate all that water. And now trying to cook a turkey with chakra.

“Well, hopefully this is just temporary. If the hiccupping doesn't stop by tomorrow morning, you should all go to the shinobi hospital,” Kaori advised in her serious official voice.

Most of her family shrugged, but they all agreed not to eat any more turkey.

The rest of the dinner proceeded smoothly with Kaori saying little and Gai entertaining her family despite punctuating his action descriptions with gobbling. Kaori couldn't understand why her family took to Gai. They didn't seem to care that they all looked and sounded like idiots thanks to that fool's attempt to cook an experimental animal with chakra. They didn't seem to mind his odd looks and odder dress. What was wrong with all of them?

After another fifteen minutes of the dinner party from hell, Kaori tried to excuse herself, but her mother would have none of it. “At least help me with the dessert in the kitchen,” she said while giving her daughter a stern look.

Kaori sighed and followed her mother, expecting another lecture. She was not to be disappointed.

“What's the matter with you Kaori? There's this great guy in there and you look like you'd rather be swallowed up by an earth jutsu.”

“That sounds about right,” Kaori responded coldly. “Did you know he was coming? I sure didn't!”

“Keep your voice down!” her mother ordered, not heeding her own advice. “Don't ruin your chance at another one.”

“Another what? Another loser?”

“Why must you be so judgmental? All those other men were perfectly fine, but all you can see are their flaws. I mean the last guy we…”

“You mean the married one!”

“So what? His other family was far, far away. And it's better to have a part-time husband. You get to have more freedom and independence that way. Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder...”

Kaori just glared at her mother.

“No one's perfect and you're not getting any younger, unless you learned some special jutsu you haven't told us about. Once a woman hits the big 3-0, she's more likely to be swallowed by a summoned demon than get married.”

“You're seriously telling me to go for a guy who looks and dresses like that?”

“You know looks shouldn't be that important. It's what's inside that counts and he seems like a perfectly nice guy. And look how straight and white his teeth are. That should count for something. Sumire and I could always give him a makeover.” Kaori's mother ran a beauty salon with her sister sometimes helping out.

Kaori decided to end the conversation by saying, “There's someone else I like. I hope you'll get to meet him soon.”

That got her mother's attention and now she was willing to abandon Gai in the light of another suitor. “Really? Really? You're not just saying that to shut me up? Who is it?”

“You'll see,” Kaori said evasively. “Our relationship is in the early stages so I don't want to jinx it by saying anything. But I promise you'll get to meet him soon and I'm sure you'll like him.” Kaori was of course thinking of Kakashi who still lay in a coma, but her mother was now satisfied.

“If you like him, I'm sure we will. Why didn't you tell us earlier. Poor Gai sensei, I'm sure he'll be heartbroken. You'll have to tell him.”

“Er… yes of course.” But Kaori knew it was easier said than done.

-…-…-…-

Author's Notes: Sadako is the ghost girl in the “Ring”