Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ The Theatre ❯ Light My Candle! ( Chapter 1 )

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- Rent: Light My Candle -

 

AHAHAHAAA!

 

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*After an unfortunate visit from a drugged up Sakura, Sasuke is furiously cleaning his apartment. Man, was it trashed! But Sasuke was used to Sakura's sudden crack-induced tantrums and magically showing up in his room whenever she wanted. (Not that that made it any better, of course.) So after three different renditions of I'm Every Woman and Like a Virgin, Sasuke tossed Sakura out the window. He had hoped that this would have given her a concussion at LEAST, but…*

CRASH!

Sakura- *stumbles into apartment from window holding a giant needle and an unlit candle* *trips on windowsill and falls on her ass*

 

Sasuke- *comes running* What?! What happ—oh dear LORD.

 

Sakura- *stands up drunkenly* Hee!

 

Sasuke- Did you forget something from your LAST little escapade?

 

Sakura - *holds out candle, her face three inches away from Sasuke's* Got a light?

 

Sasuke:
AHH! G-Get away you—what? You're…
You're shivering… Stop it…

Sakura:
It's nothing!
They turned off my heat,
And I'm just a little
Weak on my feet (drugged)!
Would you light my candle?
… What are YOU staring at?

 

Sasuke: *staring at a moth caught in her hair* Eeeew… I-I mean…!
N-Nothing…
Your hair in the moonlight…
You look familiar…
*lights Sakura's candle*

 

Sakura- YAY! *trips*

Sasuke:

Can you make it?

Sakura:
Just haven't eaten much today (drugged)
At least the room stopped spinning!
Anyway! … What?

Sasuke: *staring at spinach in her teeth* Eeeew… I-I mean…!
Nothing…
Your smile reminded me of --

Sakura: *looking ditzily at the ceiling*
I always remind people of -- who is she?

 

Sasuke:
She died. Her name was Tenten.

Sakura- Oh, riiiiight! *blows out candle* Whooopsie!
It's out again!
Sorry about your friend
Would you light my candle?

 

Sasuke- SIGH! *tries to light candle, but his lighter is broken* DAGNABBIT! *smashes it against the wall* *picks it up and lights Sakura's candle* There. Happy?

 

Sakura- *bats eyelashes and lingers seductively in an awkward silence*

Sasuke:
Well --

Sakura:
Yeah. Teehee! Pretty! *touches candle* OW!

Sasuke:
Duh, the wax. It's --

Sakura:
Dripping! Heehee. I like it -- between my --

Sasuke:
F-Fingers! I figured…
Oh, well. Goodnight. Get out.

*points towards the door*

 

Sakura- Thanks for the light, man. *leaves*

 

Sasuke- Thank GOD.

 

Sakura- *comes crashing back through the door*

 

Sasuke: What--
It blew out AGAIN?!

Sakura:
No, silly! I think that I dropped my stash…

Sasuke: *grits teeth angrily* Listen, woman.
I know I've seen you out and about
When I used to go out…
Your candle's out!

Sakura:
I'm illin'!
I had it when I walked in the door
It was pure - (crystal meth)
Is it on the floor…? *sniffs* I can smell it!

Sasuke:
The… floor…?

 

Sakura- *gets down on all fours and searches frantically for her crack* DUDE! WTF! *looks up and sees Sasuke staring at her*

Y'know…
They say I have the best ass below 14th street…
Is it true?

Sasuke:
Uh… What?

 

Sakura:
You're staring again. Oooh, NAUGHTY NAUGHTY--

Sasuke: *stops staring*
Uh, NO!
I mean, you do… have a nice…
You've got some spinach-- I mean --

You look familiar!

Sakura:
Like your dead girlfriend?

Sasuke:
Only when you smile… Tenten always had spinach in her teeth too.
But I'm sure I've seen you somewhere else…

Sakura:
Do you go to the Cat Scratch Club?

That's where I strip—I-I mean, work! I dance! WHOO!

Help me look, peon!

Sasuke:
THAT'S IT!
They used to tie you up --

Sakura:
It pays the bills! POOF! *blows out candle*

Sasuke: *rolls eyes* Right.
I didn't recognize you
Without the handcuffs.

Sakura: *shoves candle in Sasuke's face repeatedly*
WE COULD LIGHT THE CANDLE!
Oh, won't you light the candle?

Sasuke: STOP IT!! *reluctantly lights candle*
Why don't you forget that crap?
You look like you're sixteen…

Sakura:
I'm nineteen! -- but I'm old for my age!
I'm just born to be bad… *shakes rear at Sasuke* Oh yeah.

Sasuke: *getting all reminiscent*
Sigh. I once was born to be bad.
I used to shiver like that. If you know what I mean. (drugs)

Sakura: *strangling candle and foaming at the mouth*
I HAVE NO HEAT!! -- I told you!

Sasuke:
I used to sweat…

Sakura:
I got a cold! Look! *sneezes in Sasuke's face*

Sasuke:
UGH!! *turns the other direction*
I used to be a junkie…

Sakura:
But now and then I like to --

Sasuke:
Uh huh.

Sakura:
Feeeeel gooood…

Sasuke: *steps on a package* Whoops. *picks it up*
Here's the… Uh…

Sakura:
Ooh, what's that?

Sasuke:
It's a, uh… Um… A candy bar wrapper. *shoves crack into his pocket* Mine.

Sakura:
OOH! I KNOW!

We could light the can--

Sasuke- BITCH! *grabs candle and smacks her with it*

Sakura:
Heeeeey! What'd you do with my candle?

Sasuke:
My lighter crapped out.

Sakura: *feeling drugged up and whimsical* *spreads out arms i.e. The Sound of Music*
Our eyes'll adjust… Thank God for the moon…!

Sasuke:
Maybe it's not the moon at all. Maybe you're hallucinating.
*wants Sakura GONE* *changes subject* I hear Spike Lee's shooting down the street…

Sakura: *crazy from lack of crack*
Bah humbug… Bah humbug…
*puts hand in Sasuke's by `accident'* Whoopsie!

Sasuke:
Man, your hands are cold!

Sakura:
Yours too!
And big. Like Shikamaru's. (Who I was having an affair with last year)
You wanna dance?

Sasuke:
Phht, with you?

Sakura:
No, silly! With Shikamaru! My ex!

Sasuke:
W-What…?

I-I mean… I'm Sasuke.

Sakura:
They call me…
They call me Crazy.

Most days.

 

 

-The Einde~!-