Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ To Find Warmth In The Snow ❯ Chapter 11 Promise on Forget-Me-Nots ( Chapter 11 )

Chapter 11

Promise on Forget-me-Nots

 

 

 

 

It was a late night, the stars and the moon having already risen into the sky.

I was walking through the forest to the small house I lived in.

Sometimes, times like tonight for instance, I wished my house was closer so I wouldn't have to walk so far to reach it when I was tired.

But usually it was nice to live far from the hustle and bustle of the city.

 

*And where I can make my little `Ruka-chan scream as loud as I want*

 

I thought longingly.

I tried to focus on thoughts of my lover instead of my aching muscles and it actually did help pass the time.

Before I knew it my dreary legs had pulled me all the way to the door of our snug little cottage.

The lights were on, but the TV, surprisingly, wasn't

This didn't deter me and I unlocked the door closing it and relocking it behind me.

I pulled off my shoes and my vest and I didn't see Iruka.

I took off my Kunai pouch and my shuriken holder and sat them on the side table.

Lastly I pulled off my mask and my headband sitting them down as well, but there was still no sign of the brunette.

Usually he was here just in time to kiss my newly exposed face after I took my mask off,

I waited a little longer but he never showed up.

 

*That's odd*

 

By now I was starting to get worried; I walked down the hallway to look for him.

“Iruka?” I called opening the bedroom door.

He wasn't there.

I was getting near panic mode and was going to the kitchen for the phone when low-and-behold; there he was, sitting with his back to me, at the kitchen table.

“Oh, Iruka.” I sighed heavily in relief, “I was starting to get worried. Why didn't you answer when I called you?”

It was only after further inspection that I realized some thing was very wrong

I slowly approached him and put my hand on his shoulder.

“Iruka?” I asked.

He muttered something under his breath but I couldn't make it out.

“I-I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.” I said stuttering slightly at the strange apprehensive feeling that was growing in the pit of my stomach from Iruka's actions.

“I said get your fuckin' hands off of me!!!” He screamed jumping out of the chair and nearly giving me a stroke.

“Oh my god, Iruka, you scared the shit out of me,” I said backing up against the kitchen counter, “What's wrong?”

“What's wrong? What's wrong?!!!” he screamed again, “Why don't you guess Kakashi?”

“Did we run out of chocolate syrup? Did I forget to do the dishes? Did you get some strange strain of herpes?” I joked trying to lighten the mood.

But the seriousness in Iruka's face made me sure this wasn't the time for jokes.

“Honestly, I don't know why you're upset.”

“You fucking bastard.” Was his only reply.

“Iruka, clam down, It's okay.”

“NO!” he yelled making me jump a little, “No, It's not okay!!”

“Iruka,” I pleaded, “Can you please just tell me what's wrong?”

“This!!” he yelled throwing something to the ground, “This is what's wrong!”

I slowly bent over to pick up the items from the ground.

I felt like a lead block had just settled in my stomach.

A fierce and churning despair worked up in my chest. I was almost surreal to see those objects lying on the linoleum. So out of place. As if from another time and world.

A used condom and a note from Sasuke that read:

 

Thanks Kakashi. You helped a lot.

I feel much better.

No matter who I'm with you're

Always the best.

 

-Sasuke

 

“I found it under the bed.” Iruka said his back to me once more.

“Iruka, you don't understand.” I tried to begin but his anger flared up again.

“Understand what? That you've been fucking your 15-year-old student, which is illegal!!! And in our bed!”

I winced at his words and knew that there would be no easy way out of this. The usually passive teacher had already said the word “fuck” three times.

“Iruka, Sasuke has…troubles.”

“So you think fucking him senseless will help.” He replied more as a statement than a question.

“Iruka, he's been sleeping around for money.” I tried to convince him.

“You paid him!!!” a fresh wave of anger sweeping his face.

“No, no!” I assured, “But others have. He has troubles and I'd rather him come have sex with me than with random people who'll end up giving him some disease.”

“Oh well aren't you the fucking Good Samaritan.”

I wasn't sure how to answer so I stayed quiet until he spoke again.

“How long?” he whispered under his breath.

“…What do you mean?” I asked tentatively.

He slammed his hand down onto the table the loudness of it making me jump once more. For a shinobi so used to battle it turns out that my lover was the only thing that could affect me so strongly.

“How long have you been fucking a fifteen-year-old?!” He yelled.

“…I haven't before, since you and I were together. But a few years back… I wouldn't say frequently but it was more than once.” I admitted honestly

Iruka turned his face to me his eyes red from tears that had still left long streaks down his cheeks.

It was then that the realization hit me.

What if I lost him?

I actually could lose him.

 

What if I'd gone too far for him and there was no way I could ever redeem myself?

What if… it was over?

I felt the surge of emotion swell within me at that thought.

Regret along with the pain and anguish began to swallow me.

“I can't believe you raped Sasuke. And not just now, but before as well! How young was he then? 13? 12?!”

“I never raped Sasuke. I never truly even had to persuade him. And since he's been older he's taken control. Most of the time I'm passive to him. I didn't really feel I had a say in much.”

“That's no excuse.” He hissed bitterly.

I tried to think of a way to make him stay with me. Anything to quell the growing feeling in my chest. But instead I gave up.

 

*I love you that much Iruka. If it's better that way, you can go.*

 

Instead of making another excuse I only nodded and agreed.

“You're right. It's no excuse. And I'm so sorry.” I said taking a step closer.

“H-How am I supposed to love you now?” he asked himself more than he asked me, “How am I supposed to be able to trust you? To k-kiss you? How is this going to work?”

I could tell his anger was giving way to sadness.

But I wasn't looking at him and thinking of some thing witty that would make him stay here with a failure like me.

At that time I was thinking only of how much of an idiot I was and how horrible I was that I could hurt him like that.

This feeling in my chest, the feeling of loss, he was feeling it too and probably worse than I was.

I had hurt him, maybe even irrevocably so.

“Iruka.” I whispered closing the gap between us and reaching for his shoulder.

“No…” Iruka said trying to shake my hand away.

I turned him quickly and brought his lips to mine savoring the wonderful silkiness.

 

*If I'm going to lose you. If this is my last night with you. Let me have this at least! * I begged desperately in my mind.

 

Unfortunately the only thing I got in return was a punch in the jaw.

“You think a kiss is going to make it all better!?” he screamed his anger obviously returning.

He turned quickly on his heel and was out the back door before I could stop him. So instead I followed him grabbing him once more when he was about half way through the yard.

I wrapped my arms around him and though he struggled the grip was firm.

“Please Iruka! I'm so sorry. And I know that's not enough. I know that doesn't make it any better but… Oh god, please. I don't want to lose you.” I finished lamely.

My words would never be enough.

“Maybe you should have thought of that before.” He scolded

“I know…I know. I'm horrible.” I let go of him.

My grip couldn't keep him here.

I sank to my knees in defeat.

“I'm not perfect Iruka. Far from it as you can see. And maybe…maybe I'm not good enough for you. I love you, and that much will never change. But… If you want to leave, I can't stop you.”

 

*Please, Please stay.*

 

I heard a thump as Iruka fell to his knees as well.

I wasn't quite sure what to expect as I looked up into those brown eyes.

I felt his arms wrap around me and I sighed as a huge amount of relief washed over me.

“Promise me. Promise me it'll never happen again. Promise that you love me and… I'll believe you.”

I dawned on me suddenly how much Iruka loved me. I could see how much I was hurting him right now. I could feel the horrible inner turmoil that was emanating from him.

And I knew that right now, I would do anything to take that away.

I would never let this happen again.

I turned my head was looking for something to swear on when I noticed the small garden Iruka and I had made together a few weeks ago…

 

* “What do you think the other hidden villages would say if

they saw the copy ninja planting flowers like this?” I asked.

Iruka chuckled, “I don't know.”

“Why are we doing this anyway.” I whined. There were so many

other things we could be doing…

“It sounded like a good idea at the time.”

I wiped at the dirt on my pants.

“But now we're all dirty.” I continued.

“Well then, maybe if you stop complaining I'll let you take a

shower with me later.” He said blushing slightly.

I smiled lustfully and tried to be more agreeable.

“What're these ones, `Ruka-chan?” I asked pointing to the small

purple and blue flowers that were next in line to be planted.

“Forget-me-nots.”

“What do they mean?” I asked absentmindedly.

“Well I don't study flowers but I would guess they have something

to do with not forgetting, silly.”*

 

I was brought back out of my memory by Iruka's arms squeezing tighter around me.

“Please, just promise…” he muttered his head buried in my shoulder.

“I swear this will never happen again. I swear on those forget-me-nots that as long as you're alive I will love you and be honest and faithful to you.”

Iruka chuckled bitterly, “Could you have sworn on anything more inconstant than flowers. What if they die?”

“Those flowers will only die when you do.”

Iruka lifted his head and smiled slightly at me.

“You suck at being romantic.”

“I know.” I replied embarrassed.

“Let's go inside Iruka it's late.”

He nodded curtly before I helped him up and led him back into the house.

Iruka went to the bathroom to wash the dried salty streaks from his face and I waited for him.

I spotted the condom and the note on the floor and swiftly bent to pick them up.

I looked at them for a moment before throwing them both away.

 

*No more. I'm sorry Sasuke, but I can't help you anymore.*

 

When Iruka came out of the bathroom we walked into our bedroom. I pulled off my shirt and was about to get into the bed when I saw that Iruka hadn't moved from the doorway.

I stared at him questioningly.

“I…I can't sleep in that bed Kakashi.”

I paused before nodding in understanding.

We went back out into the living room and I brought a blanket from the closet so that we could lie together on the sofa.

It wasn't that wide and Iruka had to lie slightly on top of me but I tried not to think any lusty thoughts.

We lay silent for a while as Iruka cuddled on top of me, the blanket covering both of us, before finally Iruka spoke again.

“Kakashi…why? Why would you do that? I know you said that it was better than letting him have sex with strangers. But why not just sit down and talk with him? Did…” he gulped audibly, “did you like it?”

I sighed.

“I…I won't tell you that I didn't like it but it was completely physical. And I had a little pent up sexual frustration from when you were away on that mission.”

“Kakashi?” he asked nervously looking at me, “Am I not enough for you?”

“OHMYGAWD, NO! No, Iruka you're perfect!”

“Kakashi, I'm no idiot, so I know that there has to be some reason why having sex with Sasuke was so appealing. Too appealing for you to wait for me. So, tell me, what does he have that I don't?” he asked his eyes penetrating me with the intensity of his stare.

I tried to turn away but he grabbed my chin and made me look at him.

“Iruka you may not want to hear this.”

“Just tell me.”

I sighed in defeat.

“Sex with Sasuke is rougher and longer. Usually be the end Sasuke can barely move.”

“But I thought it wasn't rape.”

“Oh it's not, he pushes himself that far. Sometimes, it kinda scares me. I don't want you to be like that. I like what we have together.”

“I don't want you to ever have to go to anyone else.”

I grabbed his chin and put his lips to mine.

“I won't. You're the only one I love.”

It was silent again and Iruka sighed contentedly his head resting on my chest.

“I'll buy a new mattress soon.”

He laughed lightly, “Thanks.”

 

Xx--XxX--xX

 

I awoke expecting the soft skin of Kakashi's chest beneath me but it wasn't there.

I sat up and looked around and seeing no sign of him I instantly panicked.

When I realized he wasn't in the bathroom either I nearly ran to the kitchen to get the phone but found on the table a bowl of oatmeal, sliced oranges, and a glass of milk.

A slow smile began to grow on my face as I walked towards the table and picked up the note that read-

 

I made you breakfast!

Yes, I know it's crappy and you don't have to eat it.

You know I'm a terrible cook.

I love you

Kakashi

 

Okay so he wasn't Shakespeare but it's the thought that counts. I looked over and I could see just the little bits of wispy silver hair peeking over the windowsill.

I tiptoed slowly to the back door and opening it as silently as I could.

About five feet away Kakashi was kneeling by the small section of forget-me-nots watering can in hand.

He was even planting more of them, and talking to them.

“…I screwed up. But it won't happen again. You guys gotta help me. I'll take care of you but you have to make sure not to wilt. Or then I'll have screwed up again…”

It seemed he finally realized I was standing in the doorway and he smiled goofily at me.

“Did you like you're breakfast? Maybe you didn't eat it. Not that I can blame you. I can barely eat me own cooking-”

“Kakashi.” I interrupted.

He paused looking up at me.

“I love you too.”