Wasted Years

by Mizerable

Ch. 6: Hero

* * *

Naruto sulked over another bowl of ramen at Ichiraku. It had been a long time since he could actually taste the noodles. His entire being was preoccupied with only one train of thought and, for once, it had nothing to do with eating or even becoming the Hokage. She was out of the hospital. She's been out of the hospital for two weeks. So that put it at about a month since he last went to see her. He knew he was being completely stupid for avoiding her, but it still hurt! He was by her side all that time trying to find some way to soothe away all her pain-but then that bastard showed up and Naruto was completely forgotten.

He had stormed over to that jerk's house with a full speech in mind but he didn't come to the door. Naruto wondered if he got sick again and contemplated kicking the door open to make sure the guy didn't go and die on him. Or at least maybe he should have gone to find a teacher. But instead, he just stuck his hands in his pockets and went home. Maybe Mr. Perfect was visiting her again.

Every. Single. Fucking. Day.

Okay, he could admit it. He'd gone over to the human ice cube's place everyday for the past month and not once did he answer the door. He wanted to ask Kakashi about it but he hardly ever saw his teacher, since the man was too busy worrying about those two psychos that hurt Sakura. Thus, Naruto was pretty much left alone for this entire month.

The loneliness was eating away at him and he desperately wanted to see Sakura. But it hurt so much more to know that even when someone was by your side, you were still completely and utterly alone. Maybe that's how she felt the entire time he was with her in that hospital room. He couldn't do anything. He held her fucking hand all that time and still she couldn't see him. No one could see him. He didn't realize how upset he was at the moment until the chopsticks gave way to the pressure of his balled up hand. Damn it!

"N-Naruto-kun?"

Her quiet ways still managed to make him jump. If Hinata ever gained a little more confidence, she could probably become the top ninja in the whole damn village. You never knew she was coming 'til she was already there. "Your hand…"

Great, he was lame enough to wound himself with busted chopsticks. Hinata was already searching her bag for one of her herbal remedies but he just wasn't in the mood for any of it right now. "It's just a scratch," he grumbled, "Don't bother."

Don't pretend like you care.

"I'll o-only be a minute…" her soft voice barely reached his ears.

Naruto needed to get out of here and fast. She was like this with everyone. She didn't really give a shit about him. She just didn't have enough faith in herself to not be everybody else's doormat. He began searching his pockets for money and was so far coming up short. "You'd better be able to pay this time," the cook reprimanded, "You're not getting away with another free meal."

She reached for his injured hand and he couldn't take it anymore. "What the hell is wrong with you? I said I'm fine!" he snapped while jerking away from her.

This day was just getting better and better, especially since he was only finding lint.

In a flash, a handful of coins scattered across the counter. Naruto was so stunned that he only was able to watch Hinata's retreating form as she skidded around a corner. He chose not to listen to the cook rant about how rude young men were these days, forcing the women to pay. Instead, he took off after her.

She, on the other hand, was trying to get as far away as possible.

Hinata had been captivated by the strength and determination she'd seen in Naruto dating all the way back to their Academy days. He was so energetic and confident in his every action, things that she never was. Naturally she admired him a great deal and admiration often turns into crushes. So she had a silly crush on him. That was all well and good, just daydreaming and watching him during class. She would have been perfectly content with just the watching if her feelings remained as simple as a schoolgirl crush.

She never intended to truly love him.

Hinata was still young and, thus, had no idea if she was in love. And furthermore, had no one to speak with about her feelings. But the hurt she felt whenever Naruto wasn't with her had grown to be staggering. This went beyond the normal, so far as crushes went.

The tears were burning at the back of her eyes and she harshly rubbed them away with her sleeve, all while running away. Well, there was something she was fabulous at. When it came to running away or hiding or freezing, there was no one better than Hinata Hyuga. She tried so desperately to follow Naruto's path, to change herself into someone confident. But then she would see the one who made her try at all and she'd crumble all over again. It just wasn't fair!

"Hinata!"

He caught her by the shoulder and spun her around to face him. She tried to shield her eyes from him, the colorless eyes that reminded her of all the control her family held over her. The control that made her keep a profound lack of faith in anything she did. They were the eyes that made her hate herself just a little more.

I made her cry.

Hinata was always a skittish little rabbit that startled over just about anything. But not once could he recall ever being the reason to make her cry. He, after all, never saw her lying in bed every night suffocating herself with the pillow so that no one would hear her sob. She had only been worried about him. She was only going to fix his cut hand. And he still was cold to her, yelled at her. What the hell should he say to her now? It's not like he knew her really well. She was just "that quiet girl" he knew. He hesitantly patted her on the head, hoping she would calm down. This was so awkward.

He's so close.

It took every ounce of strength not to run away. She didn't know how much more she could take before she ended up hugging him close against her body. It was only her feeling this way, after all. He was just feeling bad because he made someone cry. It didn't matter if it was her or a complete stranger. Naruto was always freaked out by her quiet, nervous ways. He had to think she was such a weird and unattractive girl. She was, after all, very different than Sakura.

Sakura, the girl Naruto loved.

Sakura, the girl who like all the other girls, loved Sasuke.

It really was ridiculous how tangled the web had grown and Hinata knew that she, herself, was another one of the cruel parts. She already knew someone else liked her. She knew Kiba cared for her greatly, even if he didn't shout it from the rooftops like Naruto did about Sakura. It was about the only thing he was subtle about. And she certainly cared about Kiba in return. It's not like his personality bothered her or that she found his looks to be unappealing. He just wasn't Naruto. Now she was paying by drowning in the guilty tears.

Naruto wondered what the hell he should do. Maybe give her a hug? No, that would probably make her even more scared or upset or whatever not happy emotion she was displaying. No wonder Sakura went to that bastard instead. He had the confidence to hold her close and know it wouldn't frighten her. He saw the trust Sakura immediately placed in Sasuke the minute the guy was in the room. She'd let Naruto hold her hand but she would never let him hug her. Never had. Never will. Naruto hugged his teachers when really happy but nobody ever really hugged him. Ever. There's no way in hell he could start with timid Hinata.

"Naruto?"

He jumped once again upon hearing his name. Some ninja he was if he was always getting caught off-guard. Spinning around to address whoever snuck up on him this time, he really wasn't expecting her to be there. She was paler than he ever remembered her being but her bruises were fading, the cuts mostly healed. Though no matter how her body healed, her eyes were still haunted.

"Sakura-chan."

It was weird to see her out of the hospital; stranger than he thought it would feel. Maybe it was because he barely recognized her, even though the injuries were mended. Gone was her red dress, now replaced by a more subdued outfit of grays and blues. He was so daunted by her sudden appearance that he'd completely forgotten about Hinata. Turning quickly to make sure she was okay, all he found was vacant space. She was long gone and all that was left was just him and Sakura, the girl he'd known for years. Only now he was at a complete loss for words with her. He'd say it was a rare thing, but it was something becoming more and more familiar. Though it seemed Sakura hadn't a clue as to what she should be saying, either. Somehow, he doubted even she would want to start a conversation by saying "sorry I love someone else more than you".

"How convenient I found both of you together."

Geez! Could everyone sneak up on him these days? Naruto was about to yell at the person who surprised him but completely forgot his irritation upon realizing it was Kakashi. It had been a while since either student had seen him and it was comforting to know he was okay, despite the fatigue showing in his one visible eye. "I'm glad to see you up and about again, Sakura," he stated and she gave a small nod in appreciation. What could she really say to that, anyway? But it didn't take long before she could tell Kakashi had something important to tell them, something that was going to be rather unpleasant. The fact that Naruto was being so quiet, too, was only confirming her suspicions.

"We haven't gotten together in a while," he remarked. This was bound to have disastrous results when he told them the truth. And to be honest, he didn't know who would react worse. "Whatever you have to say, just say it," Sakura clipped his thoughts. They probably had sneaking suspicions about what this was about. He wouldn't be able to dance around the subject with them this time, nor could he hide anything. Best to get this over with.

"What I have to say will not be easy for either of you to take," Kakashi began, "And I'm sure you may have an idea of what this is about."

"It's…It's Sasuke, isn't it," Naruto replied. It had to be. Why else would Kakashi be telling them something important when their whole team wasn't there? Kakashi nodded so his two students prepared themselves. Sasuke must have been sent back to the hospital. Was he in another coma? Had he been lying in a bed there all alone again?

"About a month ago, Sasuke took off. He left the village-"

"What!?" Naruto shouted. How come no one told him before now? Wasn't he even worth that much? Why the hell didn't that bastard even let him know he was leaving? The jerk just up and left knowing how much Sakura needed him? Sasuke left him behind!? "Why the hell did he do that!?"

"Was he sent on a mission?" Sakura's softer voice chimed in. Did he leave because of her? Did he leave because of the kiss? Was it the curse seal? Did he--

"We're fairly certain he was after the two men that attacked you, Sakura."

She felt very heavy all of a sudden. Sasuke went after her attackers? Why? Why would he do something so stupid!?

All this time Sasuke always pretended to be so damn cool. He must really care about Sakura after all if he chased down those guys all by himself. But why would he go alone? They may have been rivals, but you'd think he'd at least take the other member of his team along just to make sure they got those assholes. Sasuke couldn't even acknowledge him enough to use him in a backup plan. That arrogant prick…

Kakashi released a heavy sigh. God knows he shouldn't tell them this but they were too involved now. These secrets no longer mattered. "There's something you two must know about those men, one in particular." His students looked up at him with wide trusting eyes. They expected the truth and he had to deliver it now. He owed them that much after all the hell they'd been through, Sakura especially. Well, maybe some of it could be withheld. He owed Sasuke that much. "The man named Itachi…He is the one Sasuke has been looking for. Itachi is the man Sasuke vowed to kill."

"That man…was…" Sakura's head was swimming. The man who she…who she let…The man she slept with was the same man that annihilated Sasuke's clan. She let the man who killed Sasuke's family fuck her. Her feet felt like they were going to give out any moment and she found herself gravitating with stumbling steps towards Naruto. He certainly hadn't expected her trembling arms to wrap around his waist. "S-Sakura-chan?" He couldn't believe how bad his voice was cracking. But his mouth felt so dry, it almost felt impossible to speak. "I've never done this, have I…" her emerald eyes met his, her haunted gaze made him uncomfortable somehow. "I've known you for years but I never hugged you…" Naruto slowly shook his head. No, she never had but why was she picking this moment to realize that? Why wasn't she asking about the rest of the details behind Sasuke's disappearance?

Memories he'd long filed away drifted to the surface, memories of an injured and broken Sasuke divulging some of his past. Sasuke told him he couldn't die until he killed that one man, though the word "brother" somehow fit into the picture. Was Itachi Sasuke's brother? Did Sasuke have to kill the only other surviving member of his clan?

"It's been a month since anyone last saw or heard from him and despite our efforts to find Sasuke, the trail has grown cold. All we found was a kunai lying by a riverbank covered in his blood…" He didn't need to spell out that there was generous amount of the crimson liquid that stained the ground. The looks on their faces said it all. They could tell what was coming next but that wouldn't make it hurt any less when he said it aloud. This was going to break the both of them.

"Sensei?" Naruto's voice was showing his fears. It couldn't be. He was fine. Sasuke was probably all banged up if he met up with those guys but he would be okay. He was the rival he'd been chasing all these years, after all. And there was no way in hell Naruto would have a weak guy as his rival. He was the top rookie of their class only a couple short years ago. The Konoha prodigy Sasuke Uchiha! He probably was relaxing with a lighter heart in a nice warm bed now that his mission was over. He must have avenged his clan and was free from all his burdens now. Sasuke was okay! Why wasn't Kakashi saying Sasuke was okay? Why!?

Maybe Naruto might have been holding onto a sliver of hope but Sakura must have realized Sasuke was no match for the man he sought. Itachi alone possessed more than enough power to take his life. This was it, though. His students were faced with their first horrid loss, one that would strike home even more than the death of the Third Hokage.

"It's been accepted that-Sasuke has been declared a hero."

Falling.

She couldn't stand up anymore, not after everything was ripped out from under her. She didn't think it was possible to be so numb and have everything hurt so much all at once. Sakura knew what being called a hero meant in their village. Heroes had their names carved into the memorial. The title of hero was given to those killed in combat.

He was dead. Sasuke was dead. Sasuke was killed. Those two men killed Sasuke. Sasuke found out the man he needed to kill was near because he was her attacker. Sasuke got himself killed because they hurt her. Sasuke died because of her. She killed Sasuke. She killed Sasuke. She killed…

Naruto managed to catch Sakura before she hit the dirt. She didn't start crying, as was the set Sakura-response when she was upset. She was just blank, not that Naruto really noticed. He just sunk to the ground with her clutching onto him. But with the thousands of emotions buzzing inside, he couldn't focus enough to look at anything. This was for real. It wasn't like fighting Haku…Sasuke wouldn't be coming back this time. Maybe after the initial shock wore off, he would argue with Kakashi. Maybe he would demand the search to continue. Maybe he would-

Maybe he would stop screaming first.

* * *

Ino was only buying some snacks for her team. It was just a silly little errand. But the bag slipped from her hands and its contents spilled all over the ground upon hearing Kakashi speaking to his students. It couldn't be true. It couldn't be!

"Sasuke-kun…was…" She took off in the other direction. It was finally happening. She always heard about this from the older members of the village, mostly the retired ninjas speaking of bitter tales over bitter drinks. They had a saying that you weren't a true shinobi until your first friend was killed. So it all started. First the attack on Sakura, now Sasuke…Who would be next? Which one of her friends would she lose next? Who would be ripped away from her? Who-

She slammed hard into someone crossing her path but really couldn't care less right now. Her whole world was starting to fall apart and the tears wouldn't stop flowing.

"Ino, what happened?"

Shikamaru?

She clung desperately to him, unable to stop sobbing. How could all of this be happening!?

"Hey! Are you okay? Did something happen?" Shikamaru was getting nervous. It was impossible to be blind to the hell the village was in. Ino had been struggling enough with everything that happened to Sakura. What could have happened now to get her this upset?

"He's-He was-Oh god," could she really say this out loud? Could she really say it? That would mean accepting everyone would be taken away from her someday. At some point in her life, she would never see Shikamaru again.

Please don't let him be next.

Please don't take Shikamaru next!

"Sasuke-kun's dead!"

The words rang harshly in his ears. Instinctively, he pulled Ino close against him and just let her bawl. The worry that grew with every passing day about Sasuke finally came to a conclusion. No one seemed to be able to find him and the whispering was getting around as to what happened to the Uchiha boy. But now the truth came out but it still seemed so surreal. Shikamaru could have bet money he'd get killed before Sasuke ever would. He never could have imagined a guy so much stronger than himself would die first. Though Sasuke was a really troubled individual. Even his death was probably something horribly traumatic and tragic. So if Sasuke Uchiha died, how much longer would it be before he, too, lost his life? How long before Ino-

* * *

It was a struggle to move, even more of a challenge than it was yesterday. The wound in his side was survivable so far as traveling was concerned and his arm was somewhat functional. But they always reminded him of how damaged they were when he first woke up, then when they stopped for the night. And right now it was night. Like Yanagi told him, the closer you got to Cloud Country the more it rained. It only served to make his mood just a little more downtrodden.

What really made him wonder was how in god's name did Yanagi keep going. Her ideals were all well and good in theory, but how could she ever want to survive so badly that she would suffer through all this. It's not as if she had a real goal at the end, except to survive. She had nothing to avenge, unlike himself. She had no true hate behind her motivations to kill the Akatsuki members. When he dressed the stab wound he gave her, he noted the other fresh wounds she possessed. They looked to be about as old as the wounds he himself had, pretty much suggesting Itachi had given her the awful injuries that she so crudely stitched back together.

On top of the aches and pains from healing injuries and the drenched feeling the rain constantly gave him, they hadn't eaten in days. Yanagi insisted what little money she held be used on cheap lodging and he really couldn't argue there. He certainly didn't want to sleep outside every night in this weather. But she seemingly had no intention to stop and hunt any for any food while walking further and further everyday.

She did spend a fair amount on smokes and booze though and that bothered him. In fact, right now she was seated in the corner enjoying her drink while he chose to lie in bed. He would likely fall asleep soon, as he could barely stay awake once they retired at the end of the day. And he wouldn't be able to get up until well after she did. There may have only been one bed wherever they stayed but he doubted she slept in it. He was starting to doubt she slept. He was starting to doubt she was human.

A good example that made him question her was her lack of care when it came to decency. The good guys had certain rules to follow and she certainly didn't heed any of them. But maybe she just couldn't read them. Having no education meant Yanagi was completely illiterate. After stubbing out a cigarette against the decaying floor, she began to strip away her soggy clothing. But maybe he was worse for watching her. Now she was making him a goddamn voyeur. He vaguely wondered what Sakura would think of him now-

He always made it a point to push her from his thoughts whenever she came to mind. Right now was certainly no different. It's not like he was ever going to see her again. Or anyone from Konoha if he could help it. It's not like he ever cared about anyone there, or her either. It might have been wrong to be staring at this girl, who for all intents and purposes, was a stranger. And certainly not his lover. But seeing the path he'd chosen for his life, it didn't really matter how perverted his moral compass became in any regard.

"So what was her name?" Yanagi's voice broke the silence, startling him.

" 'Her'?"

"Yeah. The girl you're thinkin' about," she enjoyed another shot from her flask.

Did she know some sort of mind-reading jutsu? How the hell was she always inside his head?

"She's no one." Yanagi gave him a doubtful glance. So he wanted to be difficult today. "I find that hard ta believe," she replied before taking a seat at the edge of the bed. His eyes were trying to be subtle as they examined her but he was doing a pisspoor job at that. His fingers brushed against one of her newer wounds so he must have lost interest in subtle.

"He gave you these."

She knew damn well who he meant, since that tone was seemingly reserved when only making reference to his brother. So the boy actually felt like talking tonight.

"Yeah, this one too," she guided his fingers over a forming scar that crossed down her hip. She could tell he was ashamed that even though she, too, received wounds from Itachi, she was in far less pain. "How do you keep surviving like this?" His fingertips were tracing patterns over her cross-stitched flesh.

"I believe we had this conversation before." And Yanagi hated repeating herself. What was so hard for this boy to understand?

"You call this living?" he growled, "Even an animal has a better lifestyle than this." He hadn't anticipated her hand to catch him sharply across the jaw. "Your problem is you're a fuckin' spoiled brat," she answered coolly, her fingers resting around his throat just to make sure he understood who was in charge, "You ain't never really had to struggle just to live. You ain't always been a goddamn orphan."

Oh, he was pissed now, though she really couldn't care. Not that he expected her to. She didn't, or couldn't, understand the agony of living in the curse seal. He opened his mouth to make that point but she wasn't finished with him yet, either.

"You've always had a roof over your head, a meal in your belly, and your ass in a classroom. So welcome to the real world, kid. Sorry if it ain't up to standard for ya but I ain't gonna let nobody take the life you think I never had. If you can't cut it here, then go the back to your lil village where you can have the nice things."

He hadn't intended to hurt her feelings. He hadn't expected her to be so sensitive, either. It's been said that you can't miss what you never had. Though if that were the case, he doubted Yanagi would be angry. He just needed to know the secret to living in a way that really was foreign to him, her way of living. Maybe he had been pampered back home…

Sasuke would never acknowledge, even to himself, that he was attempting to keep Yanagi from asking about Sakura no matter what it took.

She was certainly aware he deliberately changed the subject, though. It was part of what was irritating her. The type of people that joined the Aohi had absolutely nothing left to go back for. Why had he chosen to stay when he had a lady most likely waiting for his return? Was the mission that important that he'd give up a chance at the nice, happy life? It was the type of life she certainly would never know. Though to be rather truthful, she doubted she could have found happiness settling down anywhere. The only thing she'd ever grown to love in this world was the road and she liked it that way.

Yanagi wanted to bother him about the mystery girl some more but the liquor made her drowsy. And it looked like he was too tired to listen to her questions, anyway. He was quickly fading into slumber. Hmm, another day perhaps…

When Sasuke woke the next morning, there were some stale biscuits waiting on the table. Probably baked with sawdust, he couldn't remember anything tasting so delicious as those lumps of questionable grain. After devouring his meal, he found Yanagi already waiting outside in the rain for him with a pack slung carelessly over her shoulder. He didn't have to say anything for her to understand his gratitude.

Under the torrents of raindrops, all agitation over last night's questions was quietly swept away.

* * *

Jounin she could place neither names nor faces to nodded to her as she passed.

Don't look at me.

Don't look at me with those eyes.

Everyone in the village knew who Sakura Haruno was by now. She was the survivor. She was the victim.

Even so, she could push away all her frustrations for his sake.

Four seasons had gone by and his colors were bled away and swallowed up by the passage of time. But he was never far from her thoughts. She made it a habit to come here whenever her schedule allowed. It frightened her to think that everything he was had all been reduced to a tiny name etched into stone. Her fingers traced over the characters, the only thing that still defined him in this world.

"Hi, Sasuke-kun," she whispered.

To be continued…