Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Weapons of Old and New ❯ Seven ( Chapter 7 )

 

Weapons of Old and New

Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story

(Really. It's Not.)

By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure.

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Naruto had honestly enjoyed his second breakfast with the rest of the Rookies, catching up after three years. Nearly everyone had become a chuunin or jounin already, Neji in particular already joining ANBU and assigned his own squad. The extra face of Tsunade on the Hokage monument had been rather difficult to miss too, but it was nice of Hinata to point it out to him. All in all, it had been fun, but Ichiraku's concerned looks, on top of Sakura's, had been difficult for him to take. So, finally bidding his ado's, he headed back to his apartment.

 

“Naruto-kun? Have you g-gone shopping for groceries?” Naruto froze, cursing mentally, but still turning back to face Hinata with a smile outside the stand. The blue-haired woman smiled back.

 

“Er… No, I haven't…”

 

“T-Then, would y-you like to c-c-come with me? S-Since I need something f-from there anyway…” She was pressing her fingers together shyly, which made his smile more genuine.

 

“Sure. Where to?”

 

He did need to restock, after all, and Hinata was less inclined to chatter than, say, Sakura.

 

“S-So… Where to first?” Hinata asked, as they walked down an alleyway. Naruto puts his hands up against the back of his head, looking thoughtfully up at the sky.

 

“Not sure… I do like strawberries.”

 

“Fruit?” Hinata asked, a bit surprised. Naruto shrugged with a grin.

 

“Yeah. I told… Ero-Sennin that I didn't like fruits or vegetables, so he forced me to eat some fresh stuff, and I liked strawberries. And cream, strawberries and cream. Not ramen, but still… Hinata?” Naruto blinked, as Hinata had begun blushing heavily.

 

“N-N-Nothing, Naruto-kun. Now, you were saying-?” She blinked as Naruto seemed to draw a kunai from nowhere and threw it behind him. Her eyes soon settled on his target, who had caught the kunai and now held it on one finger. In the other hand, he held a familiar orange book.

 

“Kakashi-sensei,” Naruto stated flatly. The Copy-Nin's one visible eye closed in his traditional smile.

 

“Naruto. I see your skills have improved somewhat.” Naruto rolled his eyes. He badly wanted to tell his irritating former sensei that he'd known he was following him since he and Hinata had left Ichiraku's, but decided to keep that fact to himself. Better for Kakashi to think he'd only detected him now, and not acted when he'd heard him pulling a weapon.

 

“Yeah. You'd think I'd been training for three years or something,” Naruto returned dryly, smirking a bit. Kakashi was still smiling, causing Naruto to frown in slight confusion. His old sensei's heartbeat seemed normal…

 

“That's not all you've been doing, I've heard,” Kakashi went on, almost sing-song. Naruto blinked, and raised an eyebrow. He exchanged looks with Hinata, who shrugged.

 

“Oh, don't play innocent with ME, Uzumaki,” Kakashi stated, his voice suddenly hard and flat. His lone eye was now glaring at Naruto. The blond gulped, as Kakashi stalked forward. Naruto unconsciously slipped into a fighting stance, preparing for the worst.

 

“W-What do you mean?” Naruto asked, nervously. Did Kakashi know about his training with Tusume? Wait, why would Kakashi be upset about that? Unless he's just messing with me…

 

“Oh, I think you know,” Kakashi went on, voice cold as an Avalanche Country blizzard. “I think you know precisely what I'm talking about. You didn't think you could hide it forever, did you?” Naruto began to feel panic edging into his chest.

 

The Fox? No… Oh God, not Ero-Sennin using my Sexy no Jutsu! I knew it, I KNEW I should have never taught that pervert that jutsu!

 

“Kakashi-sensei, it's not that big a deal!” Naruto stated, calmly and with an uncomfortable smile. Hinata just gaped at the entire scene, not sure what to make of it, as Kakashi finally closed to hand-to-hand distance. The Copy-Nin's single visible eye bored straight into Naruto's face. The blond kept his face calm, even as his mind screamed that Kakashi was going to take vengeance for his not teaching him Sexy no Jutsu.

 

Kakashi moved, not so fast that Naruto couldn't have stopped him, but in such an unfamiliar move that Naruto hadn't responded. He was dumbfounded, completely, as he was hugged by Kakashi. The Copy Nin's lone visible eye was streaming tears.

 

What… The… F-?

 

“Naruto you dog! I'm so proud and pissed off at you right now! Still! It's good to know that you didn't turn asexual like Sasuke! It's a miracle, I'm telling you! I'll have to thank Jiraiya-sensei for this!” Naruto blinked, standing stock-still, as Kakashi continued to hug and cry. His eyes darted to Hinata, who looked as shocked and confused as he felt.

 

“Uh… What?”

 

“Having the balls to do that, and then right about it!” Kakashi squealed, bringing sweatdrops to Naruto and Hinata's head. “You truly are impressive! Banging Tsunami!”

 

“WHAT?!” Naruto practically shrieked. Kakashi let Naruto out of his hug, still beaming, as Naruto quickly moved to catch Hinata, who had fainted. The blond ninja gaped at his former sensei.

 

“Not just Tsunami either! My God Naruto, you are a man among men!” Kakashi gushed, flipping through his copy of Icha Icha. Naruto read the cover, and felt a sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach.

 

“Icha Icha Confessions, by Naruto Uzumaki. The real life erotic adventures of a single shinobi on the road.” Kakashi shook his head, looking at Naruto almost worshipfully. “Whatever Jiraiya taught you, I hope you keep it up! Honestly, all these women!” Naruto face-faulted, suddenly realizing where those letters of his must have gone.

 

Oh God, what if Sakura finds out? Naruto gulped. Even his new skills might not be enough to save his life from her wrath, learning that his letters (heavily edited versions, probably, but his letters all the same) now made up a new volume of Icha Icha.

 

The way that Kakashi was still going on about how proud he was of Naruto and listing off the women he'd apparently had didn't help either.

 

“Kakashi-sensei, I really have to go,” Naruto said urgently. “Er, I think Hinata-chan may be, uh… In a coma?” Kakashi shook his head, still smiling.

 

“Honestly Naruto, no need to pretend with me. Off with you! Have fun!” Kakashi winked. Naruto felt like throwing up, but still managed to rush off at full speed, carrying the fainted Hinata in his arms. Kakashi grinned. While he was proud of his student, he was also immensely jealous. He'd written a few passages for Jiraiya-sama for his book, and had always been turned down. Not to mention that Naruto, that twit, was getting some and had the balls to write about it! Even Jiraiya-sama hadn't been that depraved.

A small part of Kakashi's mind considered that Naruto may just be making this all up, or that Jiraiya-sama had taken his pupil's name to be a ghostwriter. Neither of those seemed likely. For the first, Naruto always bragged about his accomplishments, so announcing things like this wouldn't be that out of character, especially after years on the road with Jiraiya. For the second, there was no reason for Jiraiya to take up a pen-name when he'd first started writing Icha Icha, so why now?

 

Either Naruto had had these affairs and was writing about it himself, or he'd had the affairs and Jiraiya had written it all out of pride for the boy. Were someone to suggest that Jiraiya had mailed Naruto's innocent letters to his publishers, and they had edited and added onto the letters to turn them dirty, thinking that Jiraiya was sponsoring a new writer, Kakashi would have laughed his ass off. Even Naruto wasn't that (un)lucky.

 

So, in his spirit of pride and envy, Kakashi decided to spread the good news. Shinobi were nothing if not huge gossips during their off-time…

 

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Danzo was, by nature, a skeptical man. Trust did not come easily in his line of work, and was even harder to earn. Even his friends, few that there were, were never above suspicion. Still, he had to admit, the evidence on Naruto Uzumaki's skill and qualifications for recruitment was piling up.

 

Danzo had already re-established Section 6 since attaining his office. The support elements had been put back in place without too much trouble. Training new recruits, however, was difficult. The original requirements for becoming an agent of Six (who were often referred to as “Zeros”, owing to the fact that technically they did not exist along with their section) had been exceptional skill in espionage and taijutsu, passing a thorough psychological examination, and two solo kills. Orphans had been preferred as a matter of course, for the simple reason that their duty could not be divided if they had family members taken hostage or in other danger. Gendo Tusume, the first head of Six, had also forbade anyone with physically apparent bloodline limits from becoming Zeros.

 

The official (and sensible) reason had been that Section 6 operatives were to be as difficult to trace back to Konoha as possible, and it would not do for a Hyuuga or Inuzuka, prominent clans from the Leaf, to be captured or killed in a Six operation. Unofficially, there had always been the fear that those with bloodline limits might make a play for power over Konoha, and regulate those without bloodline limits (the majority) to the status of second-class citizens or worse if they succeeded. Therefore, having a section of “normal” ANBU operatives who could counter any such uprising and keep Konoha in the hands of the rightful civilian government made sense.

 

This was not to say that the section promoted the destruction of shinobi with bloodline limits (The Uchihas had had several family members as Zeros). Or that the Section was designed to act on the Hokage's every whim. The Section, while technically not existing, was intended to preserve the rights, freedoms, and lives of the law-abiding citizens of Konoha, from enemies both foreign and domestic. If a Hokage decided to declare dictatorship, Section Zero took him or her out just as they would an invader with an army. They were ruled by the law and constitution of Konoha.

 

Danzo noted ruefully that had it been in place during the Third Hokage's reign, Orochimaru would never have become a major threat, and Itachi Uchiha would have been caught and killed before he even left the Uchiha compound after his rampage.

 

Danzo further considered this, as he sipped his tea in his sunny office at ANBU HQ and perused the latest observations of Uzumaki. A talented shinobi like Itachi would have been immediately noticed by the Section, and assessed by their psychologists, who would have been the best in Fire country. Another of Tusume's expensive, but vital decisions concerning Six's operations. It had kept shinobi with the strong potential for going psychotic out of the Section, and had kept the Zeros themselves from becoming threats. It had also made ANBU's investigations much easier, as a Section Six psychologist could pick apart a suspect's brain and get the truth out of them without laying a finger on the prisoner. Finally, it would have made Konoha's leaders aware of Orochimaru's megalomaniacal aims early enough that the Section could have killed him before he escaped. Itachi had shown few warning signs before slaughtering his clan, but Danzo was confident that Six would have picked them up in time. They had stopped other shinobi from going on rampages before, most of the time without having to kill the murderous nin.

 

If the Third Hokage had not been such a weak-stomached fool…

 

“Sir?” Danzo looked up at his intercom, and pressed a button on it.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Sir, we've found new information on Uzumaki. Critical information, we think.”

 

Danzo nodded. “Send it in.”

 

The messenger came in, carrying a familiar orange book. Danzo scowled.

 

“Icha Icha? Exactly what relevance does this have to Uzumaki, aside from his sensei of the last three years writing it?” The messenger handed the book over.

 

“The relevance, sir, is that Uzumaki took up writing the latest batch of stories, all based on true-to-life events. Our informants in Wave, Mist, and Grass all indicate that 90 percent of what was written in these books is authentic.” Danzo speed-read through the book, raising an eyebrow at some of the juicier parts.

 

“Precisely what makes you think that Uzumaki suddenly ditched his chastity and decided to write about it?”

 

“We're confident that the letters were published without his knowing, and our information indicates that little editing was done to the stories at their receiving point,” the messenger went on. “While it may not speak to his skill as a writer, the way he…” Here the messenger lost his composure slightly, trailing off in uncertainty.

 

“The way he seduced these women indicates…?” Danzo prompted, already knowing the answer, but wanting to teach his messenger a lesson. The young man regained his almost indifferent expression from before.

 

“Indicates that he has an ease with infiltration and information gathering that would make him an ideal candidate for the program,” the young man finished simply. Danzo nodded.

 

“Sai, I have already made arrangements for Uzumaki to be placed in his old team, under Sharingan no Kakashi. I have also made arrangements for you yourself to be placed with the team. I want you to pass along an offer to Uzumaki, concerning joining the Section. Considering the skills of Haruna as a medic-nin, it would not be too difficult to find a place for her among the support elements. That would be more than enough incentive for Uzumaki, I think.” Sai nodded, but something nagged at his usually cool and efficient mind.

 

“Sir, if I may ask, what of your agreement with the Hokage concerning… Such recruitment?” Danzo smirked.

 

“As the Hokage is not aware that I have already re-established the Section… There is no need for her to be aware of the fact that Uzumaki has already been recruited as a Zero prior to our meeting about it. It will simply officially confirm what has already been decided.”

 

“Plausible deniability,” Sai stated. Danzo nodded, his pleased smirk reflecting his usually hidden but great pride in his student.

 

“Precisely. The Hokage may rant and rave all she wants, but so long as she is unaware of the Section's activities, she cannot hold any blame for any failures.” Danzo regarded Sai with a flat expression. “We must make sure that she never has any reason to change the policy.”

 

In other words, failure was not an option. Sai bowed, and took his leave, as Danzo turned and looked out onto the village of Konoha. His smirk became more of a fond smile.

 

Tusume… We're finally back on the right track…

 

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Heh, it seems that Kakashi and Jiraiya are always making more trouble for our favorite blond. Next time: Team 7, with it's new member, meet once more, while Naruto's… Prowess attracts a different sort of attention…