Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Weapons of Old and New ❯ Thirteen ( Chapter 13 )

Weapons of Old and New

Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story

(Really. It's Not.)

By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure.

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Enkidu Rei cursed under her breath as she leapt through a second story window, rushing past a surprised housewife who was cooking at an oven. She ran through the apartment door, smashing it apart, before rushing down a tan hallway.

 

“Outta the way!” She shouted to a pair of men carrying a couch.

 

“Huh? What-?” She dropped down on her bottom and slid between the surprised duo's legs, sliding back up to her feet and leaping through yet another window, automatically gathering chakra into her feet as she landed and stuck to a clothesline.

 

“Man, am I getting a sense of déjà vu here,” a young male voice commented. Rei cursed again, her eyes darting about and finally landing on her blond pursuer, standing on the rooftop of the building she'd just ran through. Even under his mask and goggles she could tell he was smiling.

 

“Who are you? I didn't think the Yellow Flash had any surviving family,” she returned, keeping the nervousness out of her voice. This ninja's chakra signature was small… Too small. It implied that he was suppressing it, meaning he had to be reasonably skilled in manipulating his chakra.

 

“I wouldn't know about that, but speaking of Konoha…”

 

“I'm not interested in spending the rest of my days in a prison cell, thank you,” she hissed, before leaping away and tearing across the rooftops once more. The blond followed, mimicking every turn, every leap, every step she took. She shook her head and turned towards the main marketplace.

 

Naruto grimaced. Great, she's going to try and lose me in the crowd, he thought, as she leapt off one last roof into the bustling street below. Damnit, nothing for it…

 

He turned and followed the street from the roofs, keeping his eye on that long mop of black hair nimbly but unobtrusively navigating the crowds. She leapt over a fruit stand before backflipping and rebounding off a stack of barrels, shooting herself into an alley as the barrels tumbled down, bursting open and dousing everyone near with a spray of wine. The vendor screeched in horror, as Naruto simply leapt clear across the street to keep up with the missing nin. He frowned as she cut through yet another marketplace, leaping over the heads of startled people and maintaining her altitude.

 

Exactly where does she think she's going? He wondered, as Rei ran into a busy construction site, dodging harried workers under the hot sun. It appeared an office building was being constructed, using new machinery from the Western nations. Naruto leapt down and paused at the entrance, as Rei began climbing up a steel girder of the only partially-finished building. Naruto grimaced. Tawney Town laws were pretty strict when it came to the use of ninja techniques within city limits, so what could he do when even a simple Shunshin no Jutsu would set off the alarms?

 

He looked about, ignoring the buzzing of his radio … And smiled as his eyes landed on a particular vehicle.

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Enkidu smirked, pausing to rest on a concrete-covered level of the building. She looked about and saw no blond pursuer, and felt her smile widen. A few workers above gawked down at her, but she paid them no mind as her gaze settled on a stack of plastic pipes in front of the fence closing off the area.

 

“Guess they don't make hunter nin like they-“ A large, lumbering vehicle, with a huge metal scoop attached to it's front, smashed through the fence. Workers scattered in panic as it powered on, smashing through the stack of pipes, it's powerful steam engine whistling loudly. Rei sweatdropped as the blond Leaf Nin grinned back at her underneath his mask as he drove the vehicle right for her.

 

“SHIT!” She shrieked, leaping away just as the scooped vehicle crashed where she was just sitting a split second ago. The blond leapt out of the vehicle's cabin and followed her as she leapt from girder to girder, dodging several shocked and shouting workers. She flipped up onto the tenth level and ran, shoving two workers off. They screamed as they streaked for the ground… Only to be cut off as several shuriken shot out and caught them by their clothes.

 

“The hell…?” Mumbled one numbly, as their rescuer saluted them and continued his pursuit of the woman who had nearly killed them.

 

Rei leaped up at last to a large, relatively antiquated wooden crane, and climbed up the taut wires holding a few girders lashed together. Naruto followed, climbing right behind her.

 

“Lovely view, isn't it?” He shouted. Rei looked down and blushed furiously.

 

“Shut up, pervert!” She snarled, slashing the wire beneath her with a kunai. Naruto cursed as he was forced to perform a quick Shunshin no Jutsu, now hanging above her.

 

“Look, I just set off every chakra detector for blocks,” Naruto stated flatly. “You want to be turned back over to Sound, fine by me. There's a Rice Country embassy in town.” She responded by hurling her kunai at him, and letting go of the wire, easily landing on a girder below and propelling herself to the rooftops once more.

 

“God damnit,” Naruto muttered, following. He could already see several regular Tawney Town police showing up, all holding large paper fans. They had all turned purplish, indicating a release of chakra. It was similar in principle to the chakra-sensitive paper used to determine one's elemental affinity, only this paper could not tell what kind of jutsu was being used-Just what kind of chakra. Blue was for standard chakra, green for healing chakra (and therefore considered harmless), and red or purple for demonic.

 

“Damn you stupid fox! I told you to limit your chakra release into my body!” He snarled, landing on the roof and speeding up, keeping sight of Enkidu. The Kyuubi did not respond, but Naruto got a faint hint of satisfaction from the demon.

 

Bastard… You'd better keep our deal or I'm just going to let you die with me!

 

Naruto looked up and grinned as she cut into a public botanical garden. Perfect ambush location! He leapt down, a quick Shunshin no Jutsu, putting him right in front of Rei. Naruto made sure to reappear with his arms crossed and his weight shifted to the side, his goggles pushed up as he regarded the now gaping missing nin.

 

“Seriously, I'm not going to-“ Naruto had to block a knife strike, which was quickly followed up by a mule kick for his gut. Naruto peeled away, his hand easily grabbing Rei's wrist and yanking her forward. He held her in a headlock, as she struggled, gritting her teeth.

 

“Damnit, let me go you motherfucker!” Naruto grimaced.

 

“Look, you crazy bitch, if you'd just let me-ERK!” An elbow hit to his gut. He ignored the pain, even as she elbowed him in rapid succession. Naruto gritted his teeth, finally letting her go and shoving her away, taking deep breaths. “Damnit! Let me-!”

 

“Asshole! I know what you do to prisoners from the Sound!” She snarled. “I've heard what you do to women in particular, you sick bastards!” Naruto blinked.

 

“What?! Excuse me, but if your source for this information is Orochi-“

 

“Don't say his name!” Rei hissed, frantically looked about as though the Snake Sannin would appear at any time. Naruto sighed.

 

“Look, considering you're running from Oro-“

 

“DON'T SAY-!”

 

“DAMNIT WOMAN YOU ARE ONE-!”

 

“Hey, what's going on here?” Both ninja turned to see a few security guards and onlookers observing. Naruto felt a sweatdrop emerge from the back of his head.

 

“Er, well… Um…”

 

WHELP.

 

GAH! The hell?Bastard fox, what are you-?!

 

IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT YOU ARE IN NEED OF ASSISTANCE. ALSO, YOU HAVE NOT COMPLETELY SEVERED ALL THE CHAKRA COILS I `INSTALLED'. RELAX, I'M KEEPING TO OUR DEAL, I'M MERELY COMMUNICATING WITH YOU.

 

What the hell for?! I'm not in battle right now!

 

NO, BUT CLEARLY YOU COULD USE SOME HELP.

 

What can you do, bastard fox?

 

LOOK, YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH THIS MISSION, CORRECT?

 

Er, yeah…?

 

THEN DO WHAT I SAY.

 

And I should trust you because…?

 

BRAT, THE DAY YOU HAVE SEVERAL THOUSAND MORE YEARS OF EXPERIENCE THAN I DO, THEN YOU CAN QUESTION MY JUDGEMENT IN MATTERS PERTAINING TO FEMALES.

 

Females…? You mean, you're a guy?

 

I DO NOT HAVE THE SAME DEFINING CHARACTERISTICS AS LESSER LIFEFORMS, FOOL! BUT I HAVE TAKEN THE FORM OF BOTH MALE AND FEMALE HUMANS. I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. BESIDES, IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN COMPEL YOU TO DO ANYTHING I SAY NOW IS IT?

 

Er, well, no… Fine. What do I do first?

 

To the outside observer, this exchange only took a moment or two, which didn't leave Rei the chance to escape. Or to prepare for what happened next.

“MMPH!” She protested feebly, as her pursuer pulled down his mask and kissed her, dipping her dramatically. Their audience gawked or whistled, not noticing how the “couple's” eyes glowed slightly red. Naruto pulled back, a satisfied smirk on his face as Rei stared blankly at him.

 

“Ha! I win! You have to catch and kiss me next!” Naruto crowed, blushing violently. Rei, also flushed, gave a shy smile and nodded meekly.

 

“Er, sorry officers. My, um… friend,” and here Kyuubi indicated that Naruto should wink, which he did, “and I were just playing a game, and we were arguing about the rules. But, I think I've solved the problem nicely, right honey?”

 

“Yes dear,” she breathed, staring intently at Naruto. The blond coughed, and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly as he smiled at the chuckling officers.

 

“Um… Guess I don't know my own strength, heh,” he grinned.

 

“Well, next time try to keep your spats quieter, sir. Have a good day, both of you,” the head officer snickered, tipping his hat as he and his colleagues turned away and ushered the spectators away, some snapping pictures. Naruto grinned, before turning back to Rei with an embarrassed cough.

 

“Um… Sorry about that, really, but I couldn't-MMPH?!” Warm lips covered his own, as bright green eyes stared, almost frightening in their intensity, into his blue ones. Naruto felt a sweatdrop decorate the back of his head.

 

FOX! THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HER?!

 

The Kyuubi cackled.

 

WHAT? I THOUGHT HUMAN MALES GOT A KICK OUT OF THIS SORT OF THING? AND HERE I AM, TRYING TO HELP YOU, UNGRATEFUL WHELP.

 

The fuck?! What kind of demonic crap is this-THE HELL?!

 

“Uh, Rei, maybe you should stop that,” Naruto managed, as Rei fortunately needed oxygen and pulled back. However, her hand was otherwise occupied. She smiled serenely.

 

“What's your name?”

 

“Uh… Naruto?”

 

“Naruto-sama, I'm yours. Please, have me for as long as you wish,” she pleaded in a sexy tone, her lips descending to his neck. Naruto felt unbelievably conflicted at the moment.

 

FOX! FOX!

 

LOOK MORON, ALL I DID WAS SLIGHTLY ALTER YOUR CHAKRA TO EMIT A WAVE OF ENERGY INTO HER BODY. I ESSENTIALLY TRIGGERED HER TO FEEL PLEASURE AND HAPPINESS WHENEVER SHE GETS IN RANGE OF YOUR AURA.

 

Oh c'mon! You had to have messed with her brain in some way!

 

IN TRUTH, THIS METHOD OF CHAKRA MANIPULATION IS PURELY PASSIVE. IT JUST MAKES PEOPLE LOSE THEIR INHIBITIONS AROUND YOU.

 

Wait! People?! Damnit fox I don't swing both ways you son of a-!

 

RELAX WHELP. IT'S ONLY AFFECTING HER AT THE MOMENT. THOUGH I DID ADJUST IT FOR FEMALE CHAKRAS SO POTENTIALLY IT'LL AFFECT OTHERS. HEY, YOU WANTED MY HELP AND I GAVE IT TO YOU. WHAT ARE YOU UNHAPPY ABOUT?

 

Switch it back!

 

… NO.

 

WHAT?! GODDAMNIT CHANGE IT BACK YOU PUS-SUCKING GUTTER WHORE!

 

HMM… NOT BAD FOR A HUMAN, BUT MY ANSWER IS STILL NO.

 

DAMN YOU FOX BASTARD! I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GONNA RIP OFF YOUR-!

 

“NARUTO UZUMAKI, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” Naruto winced, and turned his head away from Rei as she tried to get her tongue down his throat again. A very pissed Sakura Haruno stood there, fire shooting out of her eyes.

 

“Sakura-chan, I swear it's not my fault-! I mean, she-! You-! It's not-! DAMNIT ALL TO HELL!” Naruto let go of Rei and ran for it, as Sakura screamed bloody murder and gave chase.

 

“I'M GOING TO CASTRATE YOU YOU PERVERT!”

 

“Wait! Come back Naruto-sama! I need you!” Rei cried out, following. Nearby, Kakashi and Sai watched the spectacle. Kakashi felt tears coming to his eyes.

 

“Damnit, even I never got enemy kunoichi,” he muttered angrily, as Sai watched in considerable confusion.

 

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Back in Konoha…

 

Tsunade sighed, rubbing her forehead.

 

“No, I can't say where Naruto is, Hinata. He's on a mission.” The Hyuuga heiress almost pouted, but managed to maintain her composed air.

 

“I… I understand, Hokage-sama.” The blonde woman felt an evil smirk come to her face.

 

“But, I will be sure to send him on a courier mission to your home when he gets back,” she said with a wink. Hinata blushed violently.

 

“R-R-Really?” She squeaked. Tsunade nodded, leaning back in her chair regally.

 

“Yes. I'll even give you a heads up beforehand, so you can hop in the shower,” she continued, winking once more. Hinata blinked in confusion…

 

Ichi… Ni… San… Tsunade mentally counted, and Hinata went bright red. She nodded, a shy but devious smile appearing on her face.

 

“H-Hai… Hokage-sama,” she replied, bowing. “T-Thank you.” Tsunade nodded.

 

“Just be careful with him, all right?” Tsunade warned. Hinata nodded so hard and fast her head seemed to blur for a moment. The blonde grinned.

 

“Go get `im, tiger,” she cheered, as Hinata bowed, blushed again, and headed out. Once the Hyuuga heiress had closed the double doors behind her, Tsunade snorted.

 

“Mmph…”

 

She'd given variations of the same talk to several kunoichi who had already inquired about Naruto. Gai's weapons specialist, the Yamanaka girl-Even Anko had seemingly taken an interest in the young man she loved like a little brother.

 

“Hee hee…”

 

Shizune was better at hiding it, but it was clear she too had read Ichi Ichi recently, given how she coughed violently whenever Naruto was brought up. And so, Tsunade had formulated an evil plan, that would get Naruto back for not writing, while simultaneously rewarding him with love and affection he'd so sought. It would also keep him out of Danzo's hands. And, most importantly of all, it would give Tsunade much needed entertainment.

 

“MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!”

 

Outside the Hokage's office, Kotesu Hagane and Izumo Kamizuki looked up from their paperwork, and turned as one to Shizune, who was sitting quietly at her own desk while petting Tonton and reading reports. The well-dressed pig sighed, before hopping off Shizune's lap and burrowing into a bag nearby. When she emerged, she was wearing an pot-like helmet. She trotted off to an empty desk and hid underneath, covering her eyes with her hooves.

 

“Bweeee!” Tonton groaned. Kotesu and Izumo turned from staring at the pig, to Shizune. She too was wearing a helmet, and sighed.

 

“You guys want one too?” She asked. “Because you're probably going to need them.” The two male ninja sweatdropped heavily.

 

“I had to become a ninja… Why didn't' I listen to my mother,” Kotesu mumbled, while Izumo whacked his head against his desk.

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In case you guys didn't know, Izumo and Kotesu are the chuunin who pretended to be genin at the door to the Chuunin Exam. They later became Tsunade's aides.

 

Since there are steam trains in Naruto as shown by the first Naruto Movie, it's not that much of a stretch to think that there might be steam-powered bulldozers. The chakra-signal paper is also not too much of stretch either, especially for a city that's between several formally warring nations. Keeping the peace in such a city is vital. Also, since it's a major trading area, it could easily be privy to the latest technologies from foreign nations.

 

Still no definitive pairings as of yet. Rei's resemblance to Kin Tsuchi (I corrected it-Thank you, Hir!) will be explored in more detail later.

 

Thank you Koroshiya for betaing! Sorry Monster Maker, I grew impatient.

 

Next time: With Rei's help, Team Seven tracks down the other missing Sound nin… Only to find a huge surprise waiting for them.

 

Until next time, read and review!