Naruto Shippuden Fan Fiction / Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ The Preferable Path to Perfection is You ❯ Let Me Clarify this For You, Idiot ( Chapter 13 )

Disclaimer: The characters, items, places etc of Naruto are property of Masashi Kishimoto. These objects are used without permission for entertainment only, not for making money. No infringement is intended.

Chapter 13: Let Me Clarify this For You, Idiot

He was dying. He was actually dying. Or, at least, he hoped he might to end the pain.

Itachi forcefully dragged his eyes open, a soft moan escaping his lips as he dragged his arm up to cover his face. He was fully clothed, lying on his bed with absolutely no knowledge of how he had got there and feeling so horrifically sick he didn't dare to even breathe, let alone move.

"You're awake?"

Deidara was sitting at his desk, looking far too refreshed for someone who had been drinking as well. Itachi dragged his hand off his face slightly to glance across to him before covering his eyes again without a word.

"Do you want a coffee? Maybe some breakfast?"

"Painkillers," Itachi breathed.

"No," Deidara disagreed. "You're not supposed to drink and take painkillers."

"I'm not drinking right now am I?" Itachi hissed at him, willing himself to just die and get the process over with. He was never touching another drop of alcohol ever, ever again, he decided.

"You're still going to have a lot of alcohol in your system. I don't want to be the reason you walk away from this with even more liver damage, yeah. Drink some water and give it a couple of hours."

"I'm not drinking anything," Itachi declared, pulling himself into a sitting position with a hiss of pain. The nausea amplified and he held a hand to his head, squeezing his eyes closed and wishing Deidara away so he wouldn't embarrass himself too much if he threw up on the floor.

"I'll get you some water," Deidara disagreed, slipping from the room as Itachi attempted to collect his thoughts and put them in order. Had he said or done anything wrong?

He couldn't think of anything, which was a relief, but then again he couldn't remember very much either so it wasn't a hugely comforting thought. He hid under the covers and ignored the water Deidara offered him by simply staying there despite sensing the other's presence in the room once more.

"I need to finish packing," Deidara told him eventually, the clink of glass touching wood catching Itachi's attention as he presumably put the water down. "If I leave you alone you aren't going to die on me, are you?"

"I hope so," Itachi muttered. His mind whirred with Deidara's words- packing? Did he even have enough things in the house to pack, now? How had that happened?

The telephone ringing caught their attention and Itachi moaned, pulling the cover tighter over his head. Deidara hovered uncertainly for a moment before taking the opportunity to answer it for the first time, looking awkward when he held the cordless receiver out to Itachi a few moments later.

"It's Sasuke."

Itachi reached out and snatched the phone, putting it to his ear and trying to ignore the pounding in his head as Deidara slipped back out the room to give him privacy. "Yes?"

"I'm glad you got home in the end," Sasuke noted, amusement in his tone. "Do you feel as dreadful as you looked last night?"

"I don't remember much of last night," Itachi murmured, closing his eyes tightly and pulling the cover back over his head. "Nothing past about nine or ten anyway."

"Do you remember Deidara having to drag you outside because you couldn't walk?"

Itachi sighed, shame burning his cheeks. "No. I remember you were there at all though, which is more than you should have been."

"Thanks for not yelling at me about that," Sasuke told him quietly. "I appreciate it."

"You're not a kid anymore," Itachi replied quietly. "You might be underage for drinking but I really couldn't care less what you do or don't do as long as you're sensible."

"I wish Dad could see it that way. I was right. You are a lightweight."

"Thank you for the helpful observation," Itachi breathed, swallowing a few times against a bout of nausea. "Aren't you hung over?"

"Me? No I feel fine because I know how to pace my evening."

"I asked you how I could do that without getting hung over," Itachi accused lightly, feeling a little cheated.

"No amount of correct pacing was going to stop you feeling horrible today," Sasuke informed him, sounding a little sympathetic. "Every time I looked at you, you seemed to have something in your hands."

Itachi knew better than to argue something that was probably correct so he stayed quiet, wishing Sasuke would get to the point so he could die in peace.

"Did you speak to Deidara at all?" Sasuke finally asked when they had been silent long enough.

"No."

"So you're going to let him just walk out of your life?"

"Don't be melodramatic."

"You're not normally this stupid. Have you been making a special effort lately?"

"Get to the point, Sasuke."

"You should tell him."

"Do you have to do this now?" Itachi sighed, putting a hand to his forehead. "I don't think I can comprehend much right now."

"Fine, I understand. Hangovers are awful- recover soon, okay? I'm going to drop by tomorrow if you don't speak to him and he does actually leave. Just call me when."

Itachi understood why he had offered immediately, feeling rather loved by the gesture. "Alright. Thanks."

"Take care, Itachi. It was nice to see you lighten up like that, you know- you should come out with me again sometime."

"How about tomorrow night?" Itachi muttered.

"Talk to him," Sasuke urged softly, ignoring the comment. "When you're feeling better anyway. I'll talk to you later."

"Later, Sasuke."

Itachi hung up and gently placed the cordless phone on the bedside table next to him, retreating to his hiding place beneath the covers once more. If Deidara asked he was feeling unwell- which wasn't entirely a lie- but in reality he simply didn't want to acknowledge what was going on around him. If he couldn't see it, it wasn't there.

He mentally chided his own immaturity- he knew better than that. That didn't stop him staying hidden under the covers like a frightened child, ignoring the movement in the room that suggested Deidara was now there.

He risked a peak out from under the covers to see Deidara was hovering by his bedside, seeing his quick observation from beneath the bedspread as an invitation to sit down.

"Do you remember much of last night, yeah?"

"I just had that conversation with Sasuke and the answer is no. I definitely don't remember anything past nine or ten- apparently you dragged me outside to leave."

"I dragged you home," Deidara explained. "You don't remember anything about that?"

Itachi thought for a moment, knowing Deidara was hinting to something and that he should have been remembering what that what. Unfortunately, minus the blinding light, he was drawing a blank.

"A street lamp," he eventually answered.

"Anything else?"

"No. Sorry, nothing. How did we get home?"

Deidara exhaled heavily, averting his eyes to the half-packed suitcase lying on the floor nearby. "I told you- I dragged you."

"You were sober enough to do that?"

"It was either that or leave you lying in the middle of the street," Deidara remarked, getting up and kneeling down next to the tan coloured case as Itachi had the grace to look a little shamed.

"What time are you leaving?" Itachi asked when he'd observed Deidara fiddling with the case without packing anything into it for a few long, apprehensive minutes.

"About ten. How long does it take to walk from here to the train station?"

"I'll give you a lift."

"You'll be at college, right?"

"I'll skip."

Deidara glanced at him over his shoulder, a curious smile on his face. "You'll skip?" He echoed. "That's a first."

Itachi simply hid back under the cover again, unable to keep the wounded look in his eyes hidden any longer. Every interaction they shared was killing him and he was struggling to deal with it, especially with the hangover on top. He needed to stop feeling terrible so he could enjoy their last day together.

Last day... He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth to sting that thought brought him- he wasn't the type of person to sit around and mope about things like some kind of pining teenage girl but Deidara just seemed to hit all the right buttons to make it happen.

"Itachi?"

Itachi didn't dare glance out from the covers. "What?"

"I dropped by my place this morning to pick up my case and some things. You know I barely have anything left there, yeah? I think I moved in at some point."

"Yes," Itachi agreed dully. "I think you did."

Itachi slept lightly through the morning- at least, he thought he'd been sleeping lightly but a discovery upon his arousal from slumber declared that in order to be handcuffed to the bed, he must have slept a little deeper than he'd suspected. Deidara was standing over him, snapping photos and giving him a huge, wicked smile.

"What the hell?" Itachi growled out, looking up with half lidded eyes. He was feeling a lot more human thanks to eventually forcing Deidara to bring him painkillers and snatching more sleep, but this sudden interaction led him to think he may still have been dreaming.

"That's the closest I've ever heard to a curse from you," Deidara commented with a grin as he snapped another photo.

"...What?"

"Does that mean I really got you this time?"

Itachi didn't dignify him with an answer, yanking on the restraint violently instead.

"I needed an assignment to take to my new college," Deidara explained calmly as Itachi struggled. "This is a representation of our need to be chained to sleep, yeah."

"No," Itachi said slowly. "It's the representation of a sex act that some people take pleasure in. Take the cuffs off."

"Oh? You like being chained up? That's pretty kinky."

Itachi felt heat on his cheeks and buried his face in his pillow to hide it. No, that was not what he meant! The idiot-

His chain of thought was promptly halted by Deidara grabbing a handful of his hair and yanking it back so he pulled his face out of the pillow, moaning seductively as he felt the back of his head sting and his back arch with the forced change in position.

Oh, so he liked it rough did he? That was a new one on him, and he was rather glad to be lying on his stomach under a cover at that moment as his body quickly reacted as well.

He realised when Deidara had stopped in the middle of snapping a photo to stare at him like he was on fire that the sound had actually come from his mouth.

"That's an odd noise to make, yeah," Deidara eventually said, letting go of Itachi's hair slowly with reddened cheeks. "That didn't sound like pain."

"Take them off!" Itachi yelled at him, burying his face back in the pillow.

"I think I just had a flash of inspiration, yeah," Deidara replied, sinking down onto the edge of the bed. "Since the representation of the chains of sleep has been broken by you now being awake-"

"Stop talking about art and take the freaking handcuffs off!"

"-I think I need to change the subject to the link between certain activities and sexual arousal."

"What does that have to do with art?!" Itachi snapped, finally lifting his head out of the pillow and turning to glare at Deidara.

Deidara grinned at him, a wicked look in his eye. "It doesn't."

Itachi simply stared, rendered completely speechless. He needed a cold shower, he decided. A really cold shower. His mind was starting to run over all the incredible things he could do to the blond in front of him and he could feel his breath hitch as he mulled it over, swallowing hard to stop it. He was not going to pant like a dog into his pillow while mentally screwing Deidara. He was not!

There was telltale heat on his cheeks again, he noted. Deidara was still staring at him and Itachi was pretty sure it was because his dark eyes were lustful and lidded with desire.

"It is guys you like, yeah?"

"You know it is," Itachi growled deeply at him, pulling against his restraints.

"Just checking," Deidara replied airily. "Are you done being blind yet?"

"What the hell-"

Deidara silenced him with a finger to his lips. "To get you to lose your cool, I have to handcuff you to the bed? If only I'd known that earlier, yeah."

"Deidara!" Itachi yelled at him, tensing against the restraints once more in protest.

"Just calm down and think," Deidara told him instead, rising from the bed and exiting the room. Itachi stared at his retreating back, too stunned to call out to him or really, to process much at all.

He had said calm down. Itachi's eyes widened in horror when he realised that might have meant sexually, but he brushed the thought aside and attempted not to concentrate on it. Or did Deidara want him to? He growled in frustration as he forced himself to do as requested and try to analyse what was being asked of him.

Think. He could do that. When had his mind been reduced to such a simple way of thinking? He closed his eyes with an irritated sigh. Stupid Deidara! He drew a blank as he tried to think articulately, finally just staring down at his pillow and trying to focus on other things that weren't handcuffs and wild sexual desires involving a certain artist.

Deidara was planning to extract some detail of information out of him- possibly a piece he may have alluded to the night before. He felt quite proud of such a coherent thought before it was shattered by the door opening once again.

"Alright now?"

Itachi glared at Deidara and tugged against the handcuffs. "Take them off right this second."

"We're going to talk, yeah," Deidara declared, leaning back against the wall next to the door and indicating Itachi. "Go on."

"Am I supposed to know what to say?" Itachi replied curtly, feeling the last threads of his patience close to snapping- rather like his wrists might if he kept yanking at the restraint he realised, as pulling once again caused his wrists to throb and ache. He let his hands drop to the pillow- it was futile because Deidara clearly had no intentions of letting him go just yet.

"I'm leaving tomorrow."

The remark wasn't unexpected, and Itachi already knew how to answer. "I'm aware."

"Are you going to accept that?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Aren't you going to miss me?"

Deidara looked genuinely hurt, clasping his hands together and glancing down at the carpet sadly. Itachi had never felt quite so cornered before, especially since the ability to run had currently been cut off. He was thankful they weren't in eye contact at least for such an awkward question, though admittedly it had an easy answer.

"Of course," he answered quietly, respecting Deidara enough not to dance around the issue. "I'm not very good with talking about how I feel though, am I?"

Deidara laughed outright at that, muffling it with a hand over his mouth. Itachi frowned, unsure what was so amusing.

"You can say that again," Deidara eventually answered when he recovered. "You're awful at it, yeah. I suppose it's for the best- I don't think I could handle you crying all over me anyway."

"You're going to make yourself happy," Itachi pointed out. "Why would I be sad when I'm happy for you?"

"Are you really? Please be honest with me, Itachi, because I'm getting pretty fed up with running around in circles and never knowing what you're thinking."

Itachi ignored the parallel he felt that statement presented to answer the question. "Truthfully?"

He opened his mouth to continue but faltered, looking down at his pillow as though it would hold the answers he needed.

He was frightened of unsettling his perfect little facade of a life to officially introduce someone so flighty and imperfect, even if he was imperfect in an ideal way. He was utterly aware of it and felt he could do nothing to change it, even if Deidara returned the sentiment- which Itachi was beginning to think that he might.

Deidara was a huge part of his life regardless but just as he hadn't officially moved in, they were still simply friends who shared a living space and didn't actually live together properly. Of course not, because that was a step too far- far too big a crack in the perfect armour for Itachi to allow.

His thoughts were making no sense and Deidara was waiting patiently for a reply. He closed his eyes, feeling pressured and unsure for the first time in his life how to create a perfect opening out of it.

"I'm a jerk," he eventually answered, opening his eyes to fix Deidara with a steady gaze.

"I'm a selfish jerk who was too frightened to let you into my life, only to now be frightened at the prospect of you leaving it. Yes, I am going to miss you and forgive me in advance if I do cry all over you because I'm absolutely terrible at dealing with my own feelings."

"I doubt you will," Deidara replied after a second. "You're a master puppeteer, remember? You're not a selfish jerk, yeah. I just want you to be honest with me."

"Why don't you start being honest yourself?" Itachi remarked, his voice tense as he realised he was losing control of the conversation. "You've been just as unreadable as I have, if not worse!"

"I've been pretty straight with you, yeah." Deidara paused, a tiny smile tugging at his lips in response to an apparently unsaid joke. "It isn't my fault you're incapable of seeing what's beneath the underneath."

"We're not all gifted artists capable of seeing multiple layers to things," Itachi bit back. "Sorry to disappoint you."

"You don't disappoint me, yeah. I've done so many things to try and see you, Itachi. The real you- not the image you project to everybody. I caught a glimpse once the day you came to me and cried at college. You were so tired- you couldn't keep it up and you know what? I loved that."

Itachi stared at him, eyes slightly widened in shock as the words alone dissipated the anger he'd been feeling. "You did?"

"How much closer do I need to get to see you?" Deidara asked passionately, throwing his hands up in frustration.

"Just tell me! I don't have much time and I want to experience it again because I like you, in all your imperfect pretend perfect glory and I'm fed up with being confronted with a glass wall every time I speak to you lately, yeah. Do you know why you're handcuffed to the bed?"

The question was rhetorical, but Itachi had a few choice words in mind for an answer. He chose to keep them to himself and said nothing so Deidara could continue.

"Because I want you to remember what we spoke about yesterday."

Itachi narrowed his eyes in thought, desperately wracking his mind to try and remember more than just the blinding streetlight and the distinct impression he might have crawled at some point.

"I said if it was important enough for you to remember, then we'd talk today."

Itachi shook his head slowly, the hint not helping him. "You can't expect me to remember much about last night," he protested weakly.

"I know it's a long shot, but just try."

Itachi sighed and shook his head again. "I can't, Deidara."

"If handcuffing you to the bed doesn't work to help you remember, then what the hell will?" Deidara muttered, folding his arms and narrowing his eyes in thought.

"Oh it worked alright," Itachi uttered to himself, barely audible. "I'm not going to get on my knees and beg you stay just because I'm going to miss you. Is that what you wanted me to do?"

Deidara shrugged. "Maybe. But I get it- it's not going to happen. I thought you said you were selfish but I don't see it. If you were, you would be."

"I'm selfish for even thinking that I should ask you to stay," Itachi replied quietly. "I'm not going to act on that."

"But you'd like me to?"

"I want you to be happy," Itachi clarified, unwilling to admit Deidara was right even if the other appeared to be pushing for that. "Fulfil the dream you've had for years, Deidara, it'll make you happier in the long run. Sure, it'll be difficult adjusting but-"

"Can you please cut the bullshit?" Deidara requested sharply. "I don't care what you think you should be telling me, can you just tell me what you want to say? How many times do I have to ask this, because this is the final time! I can't be the one to do this- I warned you last night, and I've just warned you again. You have to tell me what's important and what you want, not what you think I want."

Itachi was completely, utterly aware of the words he should have been saying but they just wouldn't come. He choked as he tried to speak, finally turning his attention to his pillow and shrugging dismissively.

"I can't," he finally admitted. "Can we just leave it at that?"

Deidara studied him for a moment longer before simply shrugging as well, apparently willing to give up the conversation. "Fine. That was your last chance. I'm going to finish packing- I'm glad you're feeling better, yeah."

"Take these-"

Deidara was already out of the room before Itachi could finish, the door closing on the last of his request. Itachi frowned slightly before doing something he hadn't done it a long time.

"Deidara," he called, raising his voice. "Don't do this- I'm sorry."

He hadn't apologised to anyone for as long as he could remember- not because he was conceited, but purely because he felt he'd had no need to. Being perfect meant he rarely got on the wrong side of people, after all. That didn't mean the action came easily for him, and he closed his eyes when Deidara peeked around the edge of the door.

"Please take these off," he asked softly, tugging lightly against his restraints and following it with a repeated, quiet apology.

"For what?" Deidara asked as he stepped across the room and finally did as requested, leaving Itachi to rub his wrists and wince slightly.

"For having to be perfect," Itachi whispered before fleeing from the room, thankful to finally be able to escape. He had no idea if Deidara was going to pursue but he took the option of his hands by vanishing into the bathroom and slamming the door deliberately to alert his friend that he was in no mood for talking.

He sank down against the back of the door, trying to ignore the shaking that had taken hold of him relentlessly. Meeting Deidara had been both a blessing and a curse- currently a curse, he decided as he attempted to get up from the floor to save himself from feeling quite so pitiable.

He got as far as leaning forward onto his knees, hands clutching at the burgundy carpeting beneath him as he realised he didn't have the strength to do so.

Deidara had filled a void Itachi was unaware he had but he had completely shattered his facade along with it. Was he ready to face the world without that mask? He thought carefully as he stared down at the carpet, shaking with silent sobs he hadn't even realised were present until he could taste salt on his lips.

The answer was a resounding 'no'. He was incapable of living without his perfection complex, incapable of living without Deidara, and unable to have both.

He pulled his hands up to cover his face as he wept, the feeling cathartic as he released the pent up frustration he had been feeling since the day Deidara kissed his way into his life.

He really was acting like lovesick teenager- a pathetic, imperfect, utterly infatuated idiot that was going to let the first person he'd be willing to change for walk away, all because he was unable to force himself to do so. Deidara had given him his last chance- he had said so himself.

Outside the door Deidara was wishing he was deaf so he didn't have to listen to the cries of the only person that truly mattered to him, finally stepping away and leaving him alone so he didn't have to.

He was completely aware Itachi wasn't the only stupid one in the house, but Deidara could do nothing but leave things in the hands of fate and one currently incapacitated, clueless idiot. The perfection complex needed to be caged for things to work and the only one with the key was Itachi.

Chapter End