Naruto Shippuden Fan Fiction ❯ Healing a pained heart ❯ Mother ( Chapter 10 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Sakura wasn’t upset with him, but with herself. He was right. A doctor who can’t heal himself when he’s sick is like a starving man who owns a mountain. You can’t buy food with mountains, right? Her own failure gnawed her neck like a rusty chain.

Sakura went closer to the window and remained entrapped in her mind. She felt she doesn’t deserve to look Gaara in the eye. He was a great man who accepted her as she is; a man who accomplished so many things at a very young age. On top of it, he was smarter than her.

The demons from the corners of the ceiling started spinning around her head, laughing at her. They pulled her to pieces with their endless criticism: “You are good for nothing! You’ll always be alone!” Sakura shook her head in disapproval. She tried to deny their statements; she fought with her thoughts, trying not to be overwhelmed otherwise everything would be lost.

“Sakura?” Gaara asked.

I won’t complain anymore. He will just grow tired of me. Sakura was most afraid that Gaara will leave her, just like Sasuke. She started to get angry and she hoped she won’t snap at poor Gaara.

Gaara got up on his feet and tried to explain himself, but Sakura’s ears didn’t catch anything. Any kind of sound irked her. Her mind was a mess. He got closer to her, but when Sakura felt him right behind her, she left from the window avoiding his touch.

“I’ll go have a bath and then I’ll go to bed. We’ll see each other tomorrow.”

She turned away from him because she didn’t want to break in front of him again. She could handle herself just like before she came to Suna. If her stomach didn’t ache during dinner, none of this would have happened.

Gaara tried to touch her shoulder, but she ducked leaving his hand hanging in the air. He watched her back enter the bathroom and close the door behind her. He heard the water splashing the tub when he was about to leave the room. Wait. What if she kills herself? He stopped feeling fear after his resurrection, but after so many years he felt it hug him again. She admitted earlier that she thought about ending her days. Gaara turned around facing the bathroom door and listened. He didn’t hear any movement, just the water splashing the tub.

“Sakura?”

No answer.

“Sakura? Are you ok? Answer me, please.”

Silence.

“Sakura, I just want to know you’re ok. Please don’t do anything stupid. Just tell me you’re ok and I’ll leave. Otherwise, I’ll have to come in.”

There was a heavy silence on the other side of the door. Gaara panicked and held his breath while opening the door little by little, enough to be able to look inside with one eye. He saw Sakura standing naked in the bathroom, with her left side to him, watching the bottom of the tub. She seemed lost in her mind. When she became aware of his presence, she lost all self-control and snapped:

“Get out!” She covered herself with her hands.

Gaara blushed a deep shade of red before closing the door quickly.

“Even in the bathroom you don’t leave me alone! You don’t care about me at all!” She kept shouting through tears.

Gaara couldn’t hear the rest of this rage storm because he ran to his room with lightning speed. It was obvious that Sakura had no thoughts of self-harm considering how lively she was when yelling at him. He sighed and sat on the bed while covering his eyes with his left arm. What a difficult situation to be in. How was he going to face her tomorrow?

The next morning, Gaara took his breakfast to go. He was trying to avoid Sakura because he was ashamed. He had seen her naked without her consent. What will she say? She’ll kill him. He didn’t know what he’ll do the next time he sees her again. Sakura came to breakfast later than usual, hoping she wouldn’t find Gaara there. Only Shinki sat at the table and Sakura sighed in relief. They said their greetings and ate in silence. Shinki felt something strange was going on. Something didn’t feel right and it made him nervous. Both his father and Sakura were avoiding him and he tried to figure out what he did wrong.

Sakura nibbled at her food, wished him luck at school and left for work. The little boy felt that he is going to be abandoned again and it stirred his stomach which he clutched with his small hand. Sand gathered around him like an armor trying to fight a bodiless enemy. It was the first time he felt alone ever since the adoption. Shinki wasn’t in the mood for school, but if he was indeed about to be left behind, he knew he had to do everything in his power to convince them to change their minds.

This routine went on for 2 days. Gaara took his breakfast to go and ruffled his son’s hair before going out. Sakura came to eat later than usual and didn’t talk much. The boy would be alone all day since both of them were busy with work and avoiding him.

On the third day, when Sakura came home late, Shinki was more talkative than usual. He told her everything that happened at school and even exaggerated his accomplishments, trying to prove his worth.

“Do you want to see what I can do?”

“Maybe tomorrow, little one. I am tired now.” Sakura said while ruffling his hair before going to her room without having dinner.

Shinki was gloomy, but he tried not to cry. It wasn’t manly. He made up his mind to impress his dad, which will definitely be more successful. He decided to wait for his father to come home, so he sat down on the hall, with his knees to his chest and his chin resting on them. I will not be ignored again. He stared at the door for hours and each sound he heard from the outside made him wonder if his dad will finally walk in. Hours passed, but his dad didn’t come. His muscles hurt from sitting in the same position for so long and he felt very sleepy. One of his little hands rubbed his eyes and he got up from the floor. He glanced at Sakura’s door; she didn’t come out of her room at all. Shinki sighed and walked slowly to his room. He lied on the bed with his arms crossed over his chest and cried.

Gaara was busy with work at the Kazekage’s office, that’s why he didn’t come home for the past 2 nights. It has never crossed his mind that something was wrong with Shinki, otherwise he would have teleported himself home right away.

A terrible nightmare shook the boy and made him twist and turn like an omelet in his sheets. He was at school, after hours, alone at night. The school was filled with water to the ceiling and big blue fish with long mustaches tried to eat him. The boy ran and hid, but the fish always found him. He tried using his sand, but failed because it was too heavy underwater. He screamed for help, but nobody heard him. He yelled for his dad, but he wasn’t there. A giant blue fish opened his mouth and was ready to swallow him whole when he woke up abruptly.

He sat on his behind on the bed with his hand over his heart which beat like a drum. He was all sweaty, but he pushed the covers away and got out of his room in search for his father’s warmth. Shinki knocked on his father’s door before opening it and looking inside. The bedroom was empty. He searched every room without any luck. The only room he didn’t enter was Sakura’s. Shinki was in front of Sakura’s door and wondered if he should open it or not. He lost his courage because he thought she avoided him. He was afraid she was going to scream at him or kick him out. She didn’t have any obligations towards him, after all. Still, he didn’t want to be alone.

Shinki slowly opened Sakura’s door and slipped inside without making any noise. He sat down on the floor next to the bed, with his knees to his chest and started chewing on his sleeve. He tried not to breathe loudly as to not wake her up. I just want somebody next to me.

Sakura felt foreign chakra in her room, not like hers or Gaara’s. She opened her eyes without moving at all and focused to try and identify who it was. Shinki! She got up on her behind and rubbed her eyes trying to make sleep go away. Shinki froze holding his breath. He waited for the scolding he was sure he was going to receive.

“Shinki.” Sakura said in a soft voice.

His knuckles turned white from gripping his knees so hard. A lone tear rolled down his cheek while he looked at her surprised by the warm voice. Sakura got scared the second she saw his teary eyes and brought her hand down to caress his little head.

“What’s wrong?”

“You and dad are leaving me.” Tears started rolling in streams and he stared at the floor sniffling.

“No, we’re not. Never.” Shinki’s voice broke her heart. She gently cupped his right cheek and patted the spot next to her on the bed.

“Come here. Sit next to me.”

He didn’t wait to be told twice. He clung to her sleeve desperately and climbed onto the bed in a hurry. Sakura hugged him to her chest after sitting him on her legs. She assured him that everything’s fine and it was only a bad dream.

“Who could ever leave a cute dumpling like you?” As soon as the words left her mouth, she remembered the boy’s biological parents abandoned him years ago and she quickly tried to fix her mistake. The little boy’s head was buried in her chest, soaking her dress with his tears. He couldn’t stop his frantic crying. His little claws grazed Sakura’s skin, but she knew it wasn’t on purpose. Shinki refused to let go in case she wanted to leave.

Sakura bit back tears because she didn't want to scare him. One of them should be strong. Shinki’s tears moved her. It didn’t cross her mind that somebody depended on her this much. There wasn’t one second when she wanted to make the boy suffer. She was sure Gaara never wanted this either. Neither of them has ever been a parent before, so they didn’t know how to behave like ones.

Sakura kept smoothing his hair while holding him to her. Her warmth comforted the shaken boy. His iron sand swirled chaotically around the bed, but Sakura wasn’t scared. She kept talking calmly into the boy’s ear:

“It’s my fault you feel like this. I am sorry.” She kissed his forehead and rubbed her right cheek against his. Her left hand caressed the hand that was clutching the front of her dress. “You’re a wonderful little boy, very clever and empathic; a lion cub, strong and handsome, with a grin as sharp as a knife and a heart bigger than the deepest ocean. Your presence frees me from the shadows of sadness. Your soul is clear like a tear.”

Shinki started to hiccup and sob.

“Don’t cry, little dumpling. I am right here with you. You can come to me anytime you want to and you can stay until you get bored.”

Sakura kissed his cheek and wiped her own tears from the corner of her eyes. Kids have always been her weakness. If a child asked her for something, she couldn’t refuse. The truth between their lips betrayed clean hearts which sensitized her. She would do anything to make them happy, especially Shinki. They shared a house together. She mentally slapped herself for the stupid mistake of making Shinki feel left behind. All of this was her fault. If she didn’t tell Gaara about her illness, they wouldn’t have fought, Gaara wouldn’t have avoided her and Shinki would still have a father to run to when he was scared.

Sakura held Shinki to her chest with one arm and leaned on the other arm to lie comfortably on the bed with the dumpling’s head resting on her right arm. She kissed his forehead and started humming a soothing song. The dumpling fell asleep hiccuping, but Sakura couldn’t close an eye. She fondled his hair and continued to sing. The child’s face looked peaceful, like every child’s face should look like. At some point during the night, a faint “mama” escaped his lips. Sakura’s breath hitched and tears formed in the corner of her eyes again.

“I am here. Mama is here.”

Gaara arrived home that night 2 hours before the break of dawn. In the way to his bedroom, he noticed Shinki’s opened door and popped his head inside to check on him. Shinki was nowhere to be found. Gaara panicked and sent his sand to look for his son throughout the house. He felt his son’s chakra in Sakura’s room. He slowly opened the door, poked his head inside fearfully and saw Shinki in Sakura’s arms. She was....smiling. Was she smiling at him? Sakura waved her hand, asking him to come inside. He came closer to the bed and Sakura noticed his shyness. She reached for his hand when he was close enough and pulled him down for a kiss. The hand that held hers moved to fondle her cheek, when he heard her whisper: “I am sorry.”

Sakura leaned into his hand, while he backed away just enough to see her face. A warm smile formed on his lips. He was beyond happy to know she was no longer angry at him because he honestly didn’t know what more to do to earn her forgiveness.

“Please don’t run away anymore. Talk to me instead.” Sakura said.

Gaara rested his forehead on hers and sighed in guilt. He moved his left hand from her cheek to Shinki’s head. Sakura read the question in his eyes and came up with an explanatory note:

“He had a nightmare and he couldn’t find you. He thought we were going to abandon him. I am sorry, it’s my entire fault.”

Concern and guilt washed over his face and he couldn’t take his eyes off of Shinki. No, it’s my fault my own boy couldn’t find me when he needed me. I promised myself I will always be there for him, but I couldn’t keep my word. Gaara bit his lip and suddenly became aware of Sakura’s hand on his chest. He brought it to his lips and apologized because he wasn’t man enough for her to rely on. Sakura grinned happily and told him to get into bed with her and Shinki.

Sakura used her hands to secure Shinki’s sleeping form before resting on her right side and moving backwards to make room for Gaara, too. Shinki’s hand had the front of Sakura’s dress in it. Gaara slipped into the blanket and kissed the boy’s head after caressing his hair with his right hand. His hand then moved to Sakura’s cheek and descended on her neck, her arm, her waist and finally stopped on her hip, squeezing lightly. He closed his eyes and Sakura resumed her singing. My lovely boys.

Her left hand traced Gaara’s black eyelids and focused chakra in her hand to soothe whatever pain he might feel, to make sure he falls asleep without problems. After his breathing evened, her hand travelled to his cheek, his neck and finally stopped between Gaara’s chest and Shinki’s back. The little dumpling felt his father’s familiar chakra and continued to sleep carefree.

The image of a far from perfect family started to form. Gaara was never going to repeat the same mistake, Sakura made up her mind to handle her illness on her own in order to not create problems anymore, and Shinki felt what it is like to have a mother for the first time in his life.