Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ The Adventures of Jusenkyo Man: All About Eva ❯ Chapter 8

The Adventures of Jusenkyo Man:

All About Eva

By Lord Raa

Chapter Eight

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

Disclaim-me-do: I want to explain a few things about this whole literary experiment. First of all, the whole "Jusenkyo Man" idea really is a parody of the mega-crossover and the "God-like Ranma" genres of stories. They are not to be taken seriously, at all. If you really want me to, I'll write some drama for you later. Secondly, Ranma is taking a back seat for this arc because he is trying to be subtle. Hence the subtitle "All About Eva". Third, I am trying to explain any excessive out of character behaviour. I didn't say that I'm doing a very good job of it or when that they will be explained.

Oh, yeah, there might be descriptions of scenes depicting morally and legally dubious activities - so no complaints please. You have received fair warning.

For reference:

"Blergen" = Japanese.

"{Quartz}" = Chinese or other Foreign language.

[Yedden] = Panda sign or other written note.

'I wonder if there's any jam left' = thoughts.

*BLAMMO* = Sound effects.

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

"What the Hell is that thing?" the UN fleet captain demanded, pointing at the monstrosity that was attacking his fleet.

"That's an Angel," Misato answered. There was a look of concern etched on her face as the extraterrestrial moved closer, its eyes gleaming with a strange hunger.

"Can we use the Eva?" Shinji asked his roommate.

"It's equipped with the B type weapon set, it's set up for use on dry land. It's going to be tough," Misato replied. "We really need the Magi to tell us what we're up against here."

"Captain, Mr Kaji is now departing," Lt Collins informed his superior.

Misato growled. "That bastard, leaving us like this."

"Misato, we need to deal with the Angel. I'll head to Unit 02, you find Asuka," Shinji's tone was one of authority.

One of the female petty officers turned to face Shinji before he left for his dangerous undertaking. The focused look on his face caused her to blush as her mind wandered away from her task at hand to the pleasant idea of taking some leave with the young man.

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

Shinji met up with Asuka on the way to where Unit 02 was being transported.

"We're under Angel attack, Asuka," Shinji informed the auburn haired girl. "We need to get to the Eva."

"Like I'm letting you touch my Eva without my supervision," the Second Child snorted. "I'll show you what years of Evangelion training can do!"

Asuka grabbed Shinji's hand roughly and dragged him to the hangar, trying to ignore the sensation of his hand. It was a delicate appendage, yet it obviously had an easily accessible strength not far from the surface.

Had it been Touji's or Kensuke's hand, she would have suspected regular repetitive exercise would have been the cause of this. Luckily for her, the seriousness of the situation prevented her from being distracted by thoughts of the unattended leisure time habits of teenaged boys. (1)

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

When the pilots arrived at the hangar, Asuka threw a shrink wrapped plugsuit at Shinji.

"Here, put this on. I'm going to show you how a real pilot handles an Eva," she boasted. "And stay out here, I don't want you perving over my lovely body."

Shinji blushed and turned round as he started to change out of his clothes.

"Hey, you done yet?" Asuka demanded as she stepped out of the hangar to Shinji.

"But this is a girl's suit," he protested.

"Just put it on, idiot. I've go an Angel to kill," she huffed, glad that it was him that was half naked out in the corridor.

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

As Asuka started the activation sequence for Unit 02, she ordered Shinji to "stay still and not touch anything."

Shinji complied, but was startled by the alarms going off around him. "What's that?"

"Thought noise. Think in German, not Japanese."

"Err, ok, strudel…schnitzel…" Shinji tried to remember all the German words he'd heard.

"Idiot. Now you're making me hungry. Switching language to basic Japanese."

After the Second Child reset the system, the Eva powered up normally.

"Right, now let me show just how a professional deals with these monsters," Asuka arrogantly told Shinji what was going to happen next.

The scarlet device rose to its feet and moved towards the nearest external power point via a series of ship-to-ship hops.

Asuka plugged Unit 02 into the external power supply and radioed Misato. "What can you tell me, Misato?"

Before Misato could answer, the Angel leapt from the water and seemed to swallow Unit 02 whole.

Shinji heard Misato scream his name into the radio before his view of the world outside the cockpit went dark.

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

On the bridge of the Over the Rainbow, Misato started to panic at the thought of losing Shinji.

"What can we do to stop this thing without Eva?" she asked aloud.

Unfortunately, no one had an answer for her immediately.

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

Inside the Angel's mouth, Unit 02, Asuka was being thrown violently against control panels and the headrest of her seat.

As the two pilots were being dragged to the depths of the sea, Shinji knew that if he didn't act quickly, both of them would die there.

Checking on Asuka, Shinji realised that she was unconscious and moved her out of her seat as gently as he could. Shinji then activated the progressive knife and scanned the interior of the beast for a suitable target.

Spotting the red sphere that Misato told him to aim for in training, Shinji threw the technologically advanced blade at it.

When the weapon pierced the core, the Angel started to thrash about in pain before succumbing to death.

Turning around, Shinji was relieved to see that the umbilical cable was still attached. He radioed the UN fleet.

"Misato? Are you there, Misato? Anybody?"

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

On the command carrier, Misato nearly wept with joy when she heard Shinji's voice.

"Shinji! I'm here Shinji, what's your status?"

*I'm in the Angel's mouth Misato-san, I'm fine Misato-san. Asuka's not so lucky, she was knocked unconscious when the Angel tried to eat us. I'm going to try breaking out through the teeth. *

"I'll get the medics ready."

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

Shinji smashed through the closed mouth of the monster that had tried to make him part of its balanced diet and tried to swim up to the surface.

"Stupid B type equipment," he cursed as the limbs failed to respond properly. He hit the call button on the radio. "Misato-san?"

*Right here, Shinji-kun. What's up?*

"The Eva's not swimming, I need you to winch us up to the ship," he answered.

*I'm on it, babe* the Japanese captain replied.

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

As the UN military officers retrieved the Evangelion, Misato came running up with the medical team. She hoped that Shinji wasn't trying to be brave and hadn't told her about any injuries.

She smiled brightly when she saw the young man open the hatch without any difficulty. Running over to him, she thanked him for his efforts.

"Thank you so much, Shin-chan. You've saved the day."

Shinji didn't know what to say about that and so changed the subject to getting Asuka medical attention.

"Right, of course. Hey, you," Misato shouted to the nearest paramedic, "get to work! Careful, she's had a head injury."

"Yes ma'am," he responded

Shinji looked around for his friends. "Misato-san, where are Touji and Kensuke?"

"I don't know," Misato honestly replied. "Do you want to get changed?"

Shinji looked at his body in the plugsuit and nodded vigorously.

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

Elsewhere, to hormonally charged teenaged boys managed to force open the door to their broom closet prison and dragged themselves to the nearest adult.

Lieutenant Luke Collins was the first person they came across.

"What happened to you two?"

"The Devil herself," Touji replied.

Kensuke was unable to stand for some reason.

"Is he all right?" the man gestured to Kensuke after deciding that whoever the 'devil' was could wait.

Touji was now able to stand fully upright. "I don't know, mister. The Devil really did a number on him."

Lt Collins didn't quite know what to make of that statement. "Hang on, didn't one of you have a camera?"

Kensuke nodded, tears threatening to leak from his eyes.

"Oh, ouch," the young naval officer put joined the dots for this particular puzzle. "Let's get you to the infirmary."

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

Asuka regained consciousness in the medical facility on the Over the Rainbow.

"What happened?" she asked, her voice hoarse due to a dry throat.

"You were injured during the battle against the Angel, Asuka," a concerned male voice answered her.

To the groggy red head, the voice sounded like it belonged to the man of her dreams. A man that was kind and gentle, yet wouldn't hesitate to take up arms and put himself in harm's way to protect her. Not that she needed protecting as the invincible Asuka Langley Sohryu, but it was a nice sentiment that appealed to her sense of romance.

"K-kaji?" she asked hopefully.

A derisory snort brought her right out of that fantasy.

"That idiot? I don't think so. He left before you'd even started up Unit 02," Misato broke the bad news to the Second Child.

"Then what happened?" Asuka demanded as she sat up in the bunk.

"Shinji took out the Angel when you were knocked unconscious. He was magnificent," Misato gushed.

"Lies!" Asuka practically screamed at the two Tokyo-3 roommates. "I bet he did something to take advantage of me," she accused.

Shinji's face fell at that charge.

"Shinji would never do that, Asuka. Unlike Kaji," Misato countered. "Shinji has always been the perfect gentleman. Not once has he taken advantage of a woman."

"I want proof," Asuka angrily demanded.

"What about the footage from the cockpit?" Shinji suggested, hoping that this would appease Asuka.

"That would be a start," Asuka nodded. "Not that I've got any reason to trust you."

At that moment the door opened and a groaning Kensuke was helped to the nearest free bunk by his old school buddy and new friend, Lt Collins.

"What happened to Kensuke?" Shinji asked Touji.

"She," the jock pointed at Asuka, "beat the shit out of Kensuke."

All eyes turned to the auburn haired girl.

"What? He was between my legs looking up my skirt," Asuka defended her actions. "What if he did that to you, Misato?"

After a moment's consideration, Misato nodded in understanding.

"I think you went a bit too far, young lady. Kensuke needs medical attention," the American officer offered his opinion.

Asuka dismissed the accusation of brutality with one of hypocrisy. "If I was your little sister you wouldn't take his side."

Before anybody could come up with a contradictory position, Miss Sohryu got out of the bed and made her way out to her quarters.

Still not being 100%, she swayed. She was about to see the floor close up, when Shinji leapt into action.

Holding Asuka gently by the arms, Shinji lead the combat weary girl back to her bed. Though he couldn't be sure of it, he thought he felt something brush against his buttocks when turned around to face Misato.

"I know when I'm not wanted. I'll be in my room," the Third Child informed the rest of the room.

After he left, Misato turned to Asuka. "Shinji is not that kind of guy," she explained. The addendum "unfortunately" was added silently. "I'll prove to you that Shinji's a nice guy before we get to Japan," she insisted. Captain Katsuragi would have sworn on a stack of bibles chest high, had there been one handy.

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

At NERV headquarters, Gendo sat behind the uncluttered desk in his office digesting the debriefing his tactical officer gave him about the incident that happened during the collection of Unit 02 and the Second Child.

His eyes flicked over the other report he'd received, the one that Kaji had submitted about his son. `It seems that something has happened to Shinji. He never would have acted like this when he arrived. I need to know just what it is that's making everything revolve around my son.'

The commander of NERV failed to realise that he was referring to his son by name rather than the designation the Marduke institute gave him. This was something that hadn't happened for a while, before he closed his heart to the world following the loss of his beloved wife.

After knocking at the door, Fuyutsuki entered the Commander's office and stepped sat down next to Gendo. The older man was concerned when his former student informed him of Kaji's plan to press assault charges against Shinji during the mission to collect the Second Child.

"What do you plan to do about the incident concerning the Third Child? I think Kaji expects you to take his side, though it's unlike him to be so unsettled by this affair."

"I plan to do nothing about it, sensei."

"Why, Gendo?"

Gendo leaned back in his chair. "Kaji should have learned by now to keep his hands to himself by now. I take it you remember what happened the last time my son went away? His one week absence delayed the project by at least three. With the upheaval at Seele, we can't afford to have any more delays in our work."

Fuyutsuki nodded.

That the female staff would revolt and lynch the two in charge was completely immaterial.

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

Kaji, realising that Misato was now going to be a bigger challenge than he thought, tried his hand at another of NERV's lovely ladies to check that he still had the touch. It was a plan to make Misato jealous, and it usually worked.

"Hello there, Ritsuko," he greeted the doctor with his most charming smile.

"What? Oh, hello Kaji. What can I do for you?" the blonde asked, masking her impatience well.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go out for a drink this evening?" he replied sliding up to Ritsuko.

"As tempting an offer as that is, I'm going to have to decline. We need to perform comparative sync ratio tests on all three children," Dr. Akagi explained.

"Some other time perhaps?" Kaji asked.

"We'll see. I need to speak with the Commander," Ritsuko replied as she left to speak with Gendo.

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

At school, Asuka was questioning the other students about Shinji. Her demands for evidence that he was the man Misato claimed he was had been met, but there was something that needed explaining to her. More accurately, she was finding the whole "must have Shinji's babies" attitude required clarification.

"What? Don't you like Shinji-kun?" Hikari asked the red haired pilot.

Realising what the rumours that question might lead to were, Asuka responded quickly.

"I know he's cute and all, but I just don't get why you're all so jealous of Ayanami."

"She's seen him naked!" another girl answered, a heavy blush colouring her cheeks.

Asuka blinked. "I see," she lied.

"How did you meet him, Asuka?" Hikari asked, lamenting that she didn't work for NERV and therefore unable to enjoy the perks of such a position.

"He was with Misato when she came to pick me and my Eva up. He wasn't like the two idiots that he hangs around with here," she recalled.

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

Elsewhere at Shinji's school, two friends sneezed.

Kensuke was making a tidy sum from his up skirt shots of Asuka. He was extremely grateful for the durability of the memory cards his camera used, though he decided that he needed a new camera. He doubted that he would ever get it clean enough to put close to his face and not have his stomach turn or to have flash backs from the "incident".

Touji smirked as he reflected on how much his revenge on the Devil Girl was rewarding them financially. "Wanna go down the arcade later?"

"Yeah," Kensuke replied as he counted the day's takings. "We can get some food while we're at it. Hell, there's even enough for Shinji if he wants to join us."

"Yeah, let's ask him. Poor dude needs a break having to work with the Devil."

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

As the two teenagers known as the "Idiot Duo" approached Shinji, Rei Ayanami walked up to the Third Child.

"Shinji-kun, we are required at NERV for a series of synchronisation tests."

"Already?" Shinji asked the blue haired pilot in front of him.

"Yes," Rei lied. She would have frowned at the feeling inside her, had she not been so skilled at hiding her emotions. `I do not know why, but I do not feel the normal pleasant sensations of being near to Shinji-kun, now that I have misled him.'

Shinji checked his phone for the calendar reminder. "According to my phone, we've got so some time before we have to go. But since I've got nowhere else to be, do you want to get some tea or something before we go?"

Rei smiled. "Yes. I would like that, Shinji-kun."

Touji and Kensuke looked at each other and shrugged. "His loss. Let's get some ramen."

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

Asuka walked with one of her school friends through Tokyo-3, irritated that Shinji was the topic of conversation. Her annoyance grew when Hikari stopped and pointed out where Shinji was. She did develop a smirk, however, when she saw that Rei was sitting with the Third Child.

"Your boyfriend seems to be out with another girl," she teased.

"I'm sure that there's a perfectly good explanation for this," Hikari insisted.

"I won't pass judgement on your taste in boys, Hikari," Asuka shrugged, not really being bothered by Shinji's availability. "But, you might not want to storm in there. You don't want to seem like a stalker, do you?"

Hikari froze at the redhead's comments. "You're right," she sighed.

Though when she turned to face Shinji for one last look, she was shocked to see the waitress "accidentally" spill a drink on Shinji's lap and start rubbing his trousers with a towel to prevent a stain forming.

Before Asuka could ask what was going on, her friend rushed off to protest at the situation.

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

Inside the café, Rei was so far beyond anger, it was fast ceasing to be even the slightest bit funny.

"Shinji-kun, it is time for us to leave."

"But his lap is still wet," the waitress protested weakly.

The raven haired young woman's will was weakening under the glare she was getting from Rei.

"That does not matter, he will be changing his clothes soon enough," she explained before taking Shinji's hand and leading him away from the temptresses that seemed to plague Tokyo-3.

She did not expect Hikari or Asuka to be standing there in the doorway.

"What's going on here?" the freckled girl demanded. "Why are you here with Shinji?"

"Shinji-kun and I were getting some refreshment before the synchronisation tests scheduled for this afternoon. We must be leaving now. Pilot Sohryu, we will see you at NERV."

Asuka nodded. "I'll catch up with you."

Rei turned to Shinji. "We need to get you out of those wet clothes, Shinji-kun. If you are ill, you cannot pilot Unit 01."

"Yes, Shinji-kun, you need to get out of those wet trousers," Hikari nodded in agreement. Realising that she had made a slip, the class rep gave an explanation for her statement. "We need you to save us from those monsters. If you're sick you can't fight them."

Asuka shrugged. "I might as well walk with these two, so I'll catch you later, Hikari."

Hikari Horaki sighed as she realised that spending quality time with Shinji was not going to happen this evening. "Ok. I'll see you all tomorrow."

♪~♪~♪~ 26;™ª~♪~♪~♪ ;~♪~♪~♪

To be continued…………..

(1) If you have to ask what I'm referring to, then you are not old enough to be reading this.

Thanks go out to Chi Vayne for pre-reading this <insert your preferred term for my work here>.

Are there any questions, suggestions, comments or complaints? If so please leave them in your usual manner.

Email is best used for direct and private discussion.

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Until the next time…