Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Alcohol: The Cause and Solution of Life�s Problems ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Alcohol: The Cause and Solution of Lifess Problems

By Lord Raa

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Disclaim-me-do: A wise man learns from his mistakes, but it's a bloody fool that doesn't learn other peoples.

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Part Three

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Ritsuko sighed as she ended the call with Misato.

“Could she possibly screw up more?” she asked the empty, darkened room.

“Yes,” the cynical woman mused. “I better pay her a visit before she offers to be Shinji's love slave or something equally stupid.”

The bottle blonde lay her head down on the pillow and closed her eyes, hoping to get another hour or two's sleep before she left to stop her friend from doing anything too stupid.

But fate was not kind to Ritsuko, as images of Misato begging Shinji to spank her shapely, cut-off clad posterior entered her head.

“For fuck's sake, Misato, could you cause me more trouble? I mean, it's not like I've got anything else to do with my time, is it?!”

Throwing off her covers, the scientist got up and decided that she needed a shower and a hearty breakfast.

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“GÀttfluch es, Kaji!” Asuka muttered angrily as she wandered dejectedly towards her residence in Tokyo-3.

She was not in the best of moods, despite her ditching Misato and Shinji on their double date to spend time alone with the man of her dreams.

Taking a page out of her guardian's book, the redhead had managed to convince the long haired man to have a few drinks to get him “in the mood”. Her plan had worked up a certain point.

That point being when she managed to coerce Kaji into taking her to his home for some fun.

However, she had miscalculated the amount the unshaven man had had to drink, and as the old saying goes, “alcohol provides the desire, but takes away the ability to perform”.

Asuka sighed again, but did feel better for having managed to get Kaji to let her touch his manhood.

“At least it was bigger than the baka hentai's,” she smirked.

The pilot opened the door to Misato's apartment.

“And just where have you been, you dirty stop-out?” the purple haired woman demanded.

“I wasn't alone all night,” the Second Child protested. “I was with Kaji!”

“Doing what?” Misato asked, her eyes narrowing.

“Nothing happened, Misato,” Asuka rolled her eyes. “Besides, he fell asleep before we could go any further…”

“I see, well, you're grounded for the next two weeks. You're only getting out of here for school and NERV related operations. Is. That. Understood?” the Captain growled.

“Yes,” the redhead replied sarcastically.

“Watch it, Asuka. You're already skating on thin ice,” Misato angrily pointed a finger at her female charge. “I could have you confined to a cell at NERV headquarters, you know.”

“You wouldn't!”

“Don't tempt me, Asuka,” the purple haired woman warned. “Now, since that's sorted, go to bed, get a couple of hours sleep before you go to school.”

The Second Child yawned as she nodded. “I'll see you in a few.”

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8 o'clock rolled around, and it was up to Misato to wake up Asuka.

“Asuka, you better get up. Unless you're too tired to go to school, you little tramp!” the captain teased.

“That's a bit rich coming from you, Misato!” the redhead shot back through the door. “See, I'm up!”

The door opened and the fully clothed pilot emerged. She flicked her hair over her shoulder in a defiant gesture.

“Shinji's about to serve up breakfast,” was all the purple-haired woman said in response.

The meal was started, and with the exception of “itadakimasu”, was eaten in silence up until the point that the doorbell rang.

“I'll get it, Misato-san,” Shinji said in a resigned tone. He opened the door and was surprised to see Ritsuko standing there.

“Hi Shinji-kun, can I come in?”

“D-Dr. Akagi! Is there a problem?”

“No,” the bottle blonde lied. “I just need to speak with you and Misato. Is she conscious yet?”

“I am, Ritsuko. What's up?”

“I was just telling Shinji here that I needed to speak with the pair of you,” Ritsuko explained. “That would be in private, Asuka. So you run along off to school now.”

“What about him?” the Second Child asked as she jabbed a finger towards the domesticated teenager. “Why does he get to skip school?”

“Fine, Asuka,” Misato sighed. “You can have the day off, too. I don't care what you spend the day doing, but can't spend it here.”

“I guess I'll go check out the arcade,” Asuka shrugged. Internally, she was cheering her guardian's patchy memory. `Thank God for beer!'

After the redhead had left the apartment, Shinji turned to Ritsuko.

“What did you want to talk to me about, Dr. Akagi?”

“Well, it was both of you that I wanted to talk to, Shinji-kun,” the bottle blonde replied as she gestured to her friend.

“Yeah, I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for last night, Shinji,” Misato apologised. “I do care about you, you know.”

“Thank you,” the pilot blushed at the attention.

Ritsuko sighed. “That's not quite what I had in mind, Misato.”

“What do you mean, Dr. Akagi?” Shinji asked as he started to clear the table.

The scientist cast a glance at the purple haired woman.

“Oh yeah,” the barely dressed woman remembered. “I wanted to ask you, what sort of girl are you interested in? I'm not trying to tease you or anything; I just want to know what sort of person my friend likes.”

The Third Child looked puzzled for a moment. “I don't really know, Misato-san. I mean, I never gave it much thought, to be honest.”

Misato made a gesture for help when Shinji turned around to do the washing up.

“What do you think of Misato, Shinji-kun? I know that she likes you,” Ritsuko mentioned casually. “I know what happened last night. If you want to move out, then I can arrange that.”

“No, I like it here,” Shinji said, his cheeks colouring. “I like Misato, she's been nice to me.”

“Shinji,” the faux-blonde said in a stern tone, “I'd hardly call molesting you `being nice'.”

“It was an accident! It was my fault that she got so drunk, if I had been more forceful and made her come home earlier, it wouldn't have happened,” the young Ikari insisted.

“Do you have any idea how many abuse victims say that?” Dr. Akagi asked. “If you don't want to be touched by Misato like that, then say so. I'll move you out into different accommodation. But if you do want a more intimate relationship with Misato then say so now!”

“Pimping me out again, Ritsuko?” Misato huffed.

“You can take the moral high ground when you're not the one molesting people in your sleep, Misato,” the scientist replied icily. “So then, Shinji-kun, what do you want from a relationship with Misato?”

“I don't know,” the pilot evaded.

“Did you like it when she touched you last night?” Ritsuko asked casually as she reached for an ashtray.

“What are you trying to do?” Misato shouted in disbelief.

The bottle blonde lit up a cigarette and purposely delayed her response. “I'm trying to help you.”

“And just how is embarrassing Shinji helping us?” the purple haired beauty demanded as she slammed her hands on the table.

The smoking woman cast a glance up to her friend before turning to Shinji. “Well, Shinji-kun? Do you like it when Misato touches you and exposes herself to you?”

The teenager's face threatened to explode from the blood pressure.

“How would you like to see another woman to compare Misato to? I mean, she drinks a lot of beer, so surely she's getting a little bit pudgy these days…”

“I am not getting pudgy!” Misato protested. “Besides, you're older, so you must be sagging!”

“I am not sagging, Misato,” Ritsuko replied, her hands blurring as they opened her blouse. “See.”

Shinji was treated to the sight of his guardian's best friend's breasts.

“Oh, you like that, do you, Shinji-kun? Well, would you like to see whose are firmer?”

“But…” the pilot protested weakly as the two voluptuous women advanced on his position. “Misato-san!”

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“Misato-san! Misato-san!” Shinji called out as he banged on the door to the captain's bedroom.

“What is it, Shin-chan?” a muffled voice called out.

“It's Dr. Akagi; she wants to talk to you.”

“She does?” Misato asked, her hangover in full swing.

“Yes, Misato. Now drag your drunken carcass out of bed. We need to talk,” Ritsuko instructed.

The door slid open. “We do? About what?”

“About what happened last night,” the bottle blonde answered sternly before turning to the kitchen.

“Is something the matter, Dr. Akagi?”

“Yes, Shinji-kun, but I think that Misato has something to say that should help things.”

A nodding Shinji poured four cups of coffee and handed them to his friends.

“So, what brings you here at this time in the morning, Dr. Akagi?” Asuka asked as she spooned in some sugar to her hot beverage.

“Well, to be honest, it might be considered a private matter between Shinji-kun and Misato,” the bottle blonde answered. “I'm sure that they'd rather you didn't know about it. No offence.”

The redhead rolled her eyes. “What is it, you hear to witness Misato's complaints about Shinji stealing her panties?”

Shinji's faced turned red and he began to splutter in protest.

“No, but what's this I hear about you staying the night at Kaji's? Do you like scruffy older men?” Ritsuko asked with an amused smirk.

Now it was Asuka's turn to be embarrassed. “T-that's got nothing to do with you!”

“Oh, I disagree, Asuka,” Misato chimed in. “I mean, if you and Kaji are doing it, then it could affect your sync ratio.”

“We aren't doing it! He fell asleep before we could…” the female pilot stopped when she realised what she had said.

“So, you like the manwhores, eh?” the purple haired woman teased. “Well, I think that we had better keep you under lock and key at NERV headquarters for your safety.”

“Yes, I think that would be best. After all, who knows what sort of unsavoury person you could meet out there cruising for rentboys…” Ritsuko decided as she sipped her coffee.

“I don't go cruising for rentboys!” Asuka insisted, slamming her fists on the dining table. “That's more Misato's thing! I saw her sneaking naked into Shinji's room the other night!”

“That only happened once!” the beer drinker insisted.

The bottle blonde breathed a sigh of relief, casting an amused glance at her old friend. “I was worried that you've gotten THAT desperate that you added `servicing you sexually' to Shinji-kun's list of chores, Misato.”

When Misato spluttered in indignant rage, Ritsuko set her cup on the table. “All joking aside, you've been negligent in your duties, Misato. Don't look too smug, Asuka, I expected better from someone of your intelligence.”

“Hey! It's not like I did anything with Kaji,” the redhead huffed.

“No, you didn't,” the scientist agreed. “But what if you had done something and gotten pregnant? You do realise that the Commander would have ordered the pregnancy be terminated, and that could have implications if you wanted children of your own in later life.”

“He wouldn't…” Asuka said, mainly in an attempt to convince herself rather than the others.

“If he abandoned me when I was four,” Shinji added in a quiet voice, “what makes you think that he cares about you?”

“Pfft, I'm me and you're you,” the Second Child replied with false bravado. “There's a world of difference between us.”

“That's enough Asuka,” Misato warned.

“Yes,” the faux blonde agreed, her eyes narrowing. “I think that it would be for the best for you to spend some time apart. Asuka, you're moving into the barracks at NERV. Shinji-kun.”

“Yes, Dr. Akagi?”

“You'll be moving out of here for a short while. Don't worry, you can still spend time with Misato, if that's what you want,” Ritsuko added quickly. “It's just that I'm not so sure that the two of you staying under the same roof is such a good idea right now.”

“But who would look after Misato-san?” Shinji asked, concern etched on his face.

“Shinji-kun,” the scientist smiled patronisingly, “if she managed to look after herself before you arrived, I'm sure she'll be able to look after herself without you.”

“But it's not like I'm abusing Shin-chan,” Misato protested, thoughts of having to go back to instant food were making her sad.

“Misato,” Ritsuko ground out as she glared at her friend. “Who is it that keeps this place clean? Who does most of the cooking? Just because you're not beating him or making him masturbate for your amusement, it doesn't mean you're not abusing Shinji. That goes for you too, Asuka.”

“Hey!” the redhead protested. “Just what kind of person do you think I am?”

“Egotistical, self-centred, arrogant,” the purple haired drunkard replied.

“Stop listing synonyms, Misato,” Ritsuko scolded. “Yes, you're selfish, Asuka. Have you ever thought about how you treat Shinji-kun?”

“I don't like doing the chores, but he does. What's there to think about?” Asuka snorted.

“You could be a bit nicer, Asuka,” Shinji added quietly.

“Quiet, you,” the Second Child growled.

“Eeep!” the male pilot flinched.

Ritsuko lit up another cigarette. “That's exactly what were I'm talking about, Asuka. I'll tell you what, if you and Misato can start treating Shinji-kun with more respect, then I'll keep the accommodation arrangements as they are.”

“Ok,” Misato agreed readily.

“Meh, I suppose so,” the red-haired girl shrugged.

“Good,” the smoking woman smiled as she tapped some ash into an old beer can. She continued to smoke silently for a few minutes. “How do you want to do this? Surveillance cameras or a chaperone?”

“WHAT?!” Misato and Asuka chorused.

“Surveillance cameras or a chaperone,” the bottle blonde repeated before taking a last drag on her cigarette. “How else can I be sure that you're upholding your end of the bargain?”

“Don't you trust them?” Shinji asked.

“Do you? I'll need evidence of Misato cleaning and Asuka cooking. Can you think of a better idea?” Ritsuko countered. “Also, how else are we going to keep your chastity intact?”

When Asuka shot a questioning glance at Misato, the beer drinker just shrugged.

“Unless, of course, you want to do that sort of thing with Misato,” the scientist smirked.

“I-it did feel nice,” the young man admitted with a heavy blush.

“See! Shin-chan likes me!” Misato declared proudly. “You wouldn't want to take him away from someone he likes. You are trying to help him, aren't you?”

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Ritsuko sighed sadly. “I already agreed to keep things as they are, Misato. But I'll tell you what, we'll have Shinji-kun move into your room with you, since you're so enamoured with the idea of `being nice' to him and I'll move into his room to make sure that you're both treating him with respect. Before you protest, I can have the pilots relocated to wherever I deem fit.”

“Fine, whatever,” the female pilot muttered angrily.

“Don't be too upset, Asuka,” the faux blonde smiled. “After all, I'll be moving out when I'm convinced that you're both treating Shinji better.”

“I could always move in with Hikari and her sisters,” Asuka mused aloud.

“Then Kaji can't come visit you,” Ritsuko smirked. “If I recall correctly, Horaki-san has three daughters, one of which is older than you, Asuka. What if she takes a liking to Kaji?”

“You're absolutely right, Akagi! I can't trust Kodama not to be all over Kaji like a rash!”

“Actually, I think it's Kaji that would be all over Kodama,” Misato teased. “He does have a wandering eye. And hands don't exactly stay where they should, either.”

“Yes,” the bottle blonde agreed sadly. “So then, it's decided: Shinji-kun will move into Misato's room and I'll move into his for the next two weeks. After that time, I'll make the decision as to what to do with everyone. If I'm convinced that Shinji's not being abused, then I'll move out.”

“Ok, Ritsuko-san,” Shinji nodded.

“That's great. Oh, by the way, I hope none of you are allergic to cats, because I've got to move my two in to look after them. They are house trained and I'll look after their litter tray.”

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It was later that afternoon when Shinji was helping Ritsuko move her stuff into his old room. It hadn't taking the male pilot very long to relocate his meagre collection of belongings, those being a cello, a small selection of clothes and his SDAT player.

Ritsuko hadn't brought that much stuff over: some clothes, her cats and her laptop.

“Thank you, Shinji-kun,” the bottle blonde smiled. “Now then, who's hungry? I'll order us a pizza.”

“Ooh, pizza? Sounds like a plan,” Misato smiled as she emerged from the bathroom. “How many toppings can we have on the large?”

“Four. One of them will be mushrooms. What about you, Asuka?”

“I'm going out to Hikari's in a bit, so don't bother ordering me anything,” the redhead called out.

“Aren't you grounded?” Misato smirked.

“…”

“You can go if you do the washing up, Asuka,” Ritsuko sighed. “You are grounded, but if you do a chore that's not been assigned to you, then you can go out for the day.”

Seeing as this was a better idea than just stewing in the increased claustrophobia of the apartment, Asuka agreed rather than her first response of “Who died and made you El Presidenté for life?”

“See, Misato, if you treat people like adults, they'll behave like adults,” the scientist smiled at her friend as the red haired girl strode to the kitchen. “Oh, and Asuka, please be home before midnight.”

“Yes, Mother,” was the sarcastic reply from the kitchen.

Ten minutes later, and Asuka entered her bedroom, proving that she was capable of “performing demeaning tasks” when properly motivated. It was another ten minutes before Asuka resurfaced and made sure that her roommates knew she was off.

“I'll be back later, don't wait up.”

“Asuka,” Misato called out.

“What?”

“Asuka, I know you have a major crush on Kaji and that you'll do what you want, but if you MUST sleep with that manwhore, don't do it without protection,” the purple haired woman said in a maternal tone. “We may not be the best of friends, but I don't want to see you hurt.”

“Thanks, Misato,” the redhead smiled honestly. “That means a lot to me.”

“Go on, get out of here before you're late for whatever you've planned.”

Asuka quickly left the apartment to meet up with Hikari.

“That was surprisingly mature for you, Misato,” Ritsuko noted as she took her seat in the lounge. “I'm impressed.”

“Thanks,” the Captain said as she rolled her eyes. “Anyway, how long for the pizza?”

The doorbell rang.

“I'll get it,” Shinji called out. “Yes?”

“Pizza delivery for Akagi?”

“One moment, I'll get the money for you.”

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After the delivered meal was consumed with great relish and very little conversation, Misato decided that she wanted her new boyfriend to sit next to her while they watched TV.

Shinji took his place next to the purple haired beauty, but sat still and focused his eyes on the TV screen, much to the beer drinker's chagrin.

Rolling her eyes, Misato stood up to leave for the toilet. “I'll be back in a minute, Shin-chan.”

Not knowing what to do, the young Ikari also stood up and walked to the door when the returning Ritsuko blocked the doorway. “That's rather antisocial of you, Shinji-kun.”

“But I…”

“But what, Shinji-kun?” the bottle blonde asked as she placed the tray of drinks down. What is bothering you?”

“It's nothing, I'm being silly…” Shinji mumbled evasively.

Ritsuko placed a hand on the pilot's shoulder. “What's really up? Are you and Misato fighting? Or is it precisely the opposite?”

“No, we're not fighting, it's just that...” the teenager's face coloured as he tried to word his response. “It's just that I like her but I'm not good enough for…”

“Not good enough for who?” Misato asked as she returned to the lounge. Grabbing a beer off the tray, she sat back down on the sofa. “Does my Shin-chan have his eye on some girl at school? Am I being ditched so soon into the relationship?”

“No, it's just that well, there is this woman I like, but she's…”

“But she's what?” the purple haired woman asked with a quizzical look on her face. “Is she playing you for a sap and getting you to pay for things like mobile phones and fashion accessories? You being taken advantage of?”

“No,” Shinji replied. “She's too good for me. I mean, she's beautiful, she's strong, a lot stronger than me and she's a good person.”

“Does she know who you are and what you do?”

“…Yes…”

“So just what makes you think that you're not worthy of anyone like her, Shin-chan?” Misato asked with narrowed eyes.

“I'm a spineless coward, I have to be talked into piloting Eva. Besides, there are lots of other men that like her. Men that would be better for her than me,” the pilot added.

Frowning, the captain stood up and crossed the room to her roommate. “You're not a spineless coward, Shin-chan - you're someone who's trying his best in an extraordinary situation. What you are is a kind soul who takes care of people who can't look after themselves. Look, tell me who this woman is and I'll have a word with her about her showing you just how much you mean to Tokyo-3, ok?”

“But…”

“But what, Shin-chan?”

“But the person I like is you, Misato-san…” Shinji mumbled before trying to escape.

“Oh no you don't, Shinji,” Ritsuko scolded as she grabbed the pilot's arm. “You're not running off after dropping a bombshell like that.”

“Me?” Misato asked in confusion. “What makes you think that you're not good enough for me?”

“Because you're a goddess!” the young Ikari blurted out. “I mean look at you, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. You don't take crap off anyone and you're a good person; you didn't have to take me in like you did.”

“I haven't been that nice to you, Shinji. I make you risk your life every time you pilot Unit-01 and I tricked you into doing all the cooking and cleaning here,” Misato countered. “I also tease you and stir things up with Asuka for my amusement. Just how is that being nice to you?”

“You're really beautiful and you don't hit me or shout at me like Asuka,” the pilot answered.

`That's the most pathetic bunch of reasons for wanting to go out with someone I've ever heard,' Misato thought sadly. “So because I don't look like the back end of a bus, I let you stay here and I don't abuse you like Asuka, you think I'm a decent human being?”

“Yes,” Shinji nodded with a heavy blush.

“I'm not the decent person you think I am, Shinji,” the purple haired beauty replied. “Not by a long shot. Besides, what you're feeling is just a hormonal crush,” she added, though it was more of an attempt to keep her own feelings in check.

“That's not true,” the teenager insisted. “It's Touji and Kensuke only see you for your looks.”

“Oh, and what do you see in Misato, Shinji-kun?” Ritsuko asked as she pulled out a cigarette. “I mean, she can't cook, she's an alcoholic, a reckless driver and she just admitted to using you for her own entertainment. What could possibly attract you to her over someone like Rei, for example?”

Misato cast a dirty look at her friend that Shinji missed.

“…” Shinji was at a loss for words.

“I'm waiting for an answer, Shinji-kun. Misato is my best friend and I don't want to see her treated like some kind of trophy,” the smoker added angrily. “So what is it that attracts you to Misato that isn't just the fact that she's a stunningly beautiful woman?”

“She needs me…well not necessarily me, but someone to look after her. I want to be that person… not because I think that she'll, you know, with me, but… I don't know, I can't explain it.” The pilot scratched his head in frustration. “I've never felt like this about someone before, and I want to make her happy. If doing the chores means that she can spend more time finding something other than drinking to make her happy, then it's worth it.”

“What if I want to do nasty things to you?” Misato asked, her arms folded under her ample breasts. “What if making you my bitch and forcing you to do humiliating sexual acts makes me happy?”

Shinji blushed brightly and struggled to find a response.

“Yes, that's a good question, Shinji-kun,” Ritsuko smirked. “What if Misato said that seeing you clean the apartment naked would make her happy. Would you do it?”

“…Yes.”

“I see, well, bear with us one moment, Shinji-kun,” the faux blonde said as she dragged Misato off for some privacy.

In the hallway, Misato tried to think of a way out of this latest turn in her life. “I can't do this to Shinji, Ritsuko.”

“You don't have to use him like a slave, Misato,” the smoker replied. “But yes, this isn't exactly a healthy relationship. What do you plan to do with Shinji? He's offering himself up on a silver platter to you. All you have to do is cut down on your drinking and occasionally have sex with Shinji and you'll have someone who worships you. Can you deal with that?”

“... I don't know, Ritsuko,” the purple haired woman sighed.

“Misato, it's got to be you,” the scientist smiled. “If you don't someone else will take advantage of him, I mean it's not like Shinji would refuse anything to someone who took him up on this offer.

“Hell, you could spend a day trying to come up with reasons for and against this, Misato, so do it for NERV or do it for yourself I don't care what you decide, but please make it quick.”

“You make it sound like you're willing to step in if I say `no', Ritsuko,” Misato noted dryly.

“I can't say that I wouldn't be tempted to have someone wait on my hand and foot for a while,” Ritsuko smirked. “But he doesn't want me, he wants you. And I'll be honest, the pair of you are well suited together, better than most couples I've seen.”

“You really think so?” the beer drinker asked. “You're not fucking with me, are you? This isn't revenge for something horrible I did to you but I can't remember thanks to the haze of alcohol?”

“I'm being completely honest with you, Misato,” the bottle blonde sighed. “Now, go, tell Shinji what you want to do.”

“Ok,” Misato said. She took a deep breath and walked back into lounge to where Shinji was waiting nervously.

“M-misato-san?” the pilot asked with a hope filled voice.

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To be continued….

Of course I had to leave it just there.

Have you not read my profile?

Anyway, this was pre-read by Chi Vayne and was kind of previewed on Hawk's forum.

Any questions?