Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ All That I Am ❯ Sixth Refrain ( Chapter 6 )

Evangelion Fanfiction

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer to the First Refrain

Author's Pre-Rant -

Just finished a week long sabbatical (Really had to get away from work, humanity and life.). I don't think it will reflect in my writing though. I tend to agonise too much on the negative things when I have free time. Some of you may have picked up on that.

All That I Am

Sixth Refrain - Tentative Steps Forward and Back

Streets of Tokyo-3

"Are you sure you're okay Shinji-kun? Ritsuko said she wanted you to stay overnight for observation." Misato chewed nervously on her lip as she glanced at Shinji's reflection in the rear vision mirror. "She was worried that there might have been some mental contamination from Unit 00." The accident during the Compatibility Experiment was still being investigated by the blonde scientist and a host of NERV technicians when Shinji had woken up and declared himself well enough to leave. Ritsuko had advised her to keep an eye on him, just in case. <In case of what exactly?> Misato worried.

His weak smile did nothing to ease her concern. "I'm fine Misato-san, really. Just a bit of a headache." The thought of staying overnight at NERV Medical, yet again, didn't exactly thrill him. It wasn't that he disliked the people that worked there. It was simply the less time spent at NERV fullstop, the better. "Besides, there's only a couple of days to go and Nishijima-san said that this was when the production schedule would be stepped up. I agreed to see this through. I can't let them down." He looked out the window, feeling uncomfortable under Misato's knowing smile.

"Put Baka Shinji in an EVA and watch it go berserk." Asuka turned to smirk at the young boy sitting in the back seat. "You must have some serious problems in that perverted brain of yours." It was her first time seeing an out of control EVA. She had heard the rumours, read the reports, but second hand gossip and clinical battle analysis were no match for the real thing. And if half of what the bridge crew had told her was true, tonight's performance was nothing compared to Unit 01 during its inaugural battle. Asuka wondered why the EVA reacted to Shinji in that fashion. <Baka Shinji the wimp. Baka Shinji the coward.> Her eyes widened slightly as she took in his profile. His dark, tranquil eyes. The serious, melancholy expression. <Shinji Ikari, the slayer of Angels.>

Ignoring Asuka's snide remark, Misato changed the topic of conversation to something a little more important. "So, have you decided who's going to win? I could place a bet for us if you let me know in advance." She offered eagerly.

"Hmmph. As long as it's not that tramp Tanaka or that whore Seijiro……" the rest of Asuka's statement was lost amidst a turbulent ocean of German cursing. Shinji was quite certain that he had heard most of the words before. Usually in conjunction with his own name. He considered himself something of an expert when it came to Asuka and her German swear words.

Able to sympathise with her volatile young charge, Misato smiled despite her personal feelings about Ryouji's latest escapade. "Well, as soon as you know Shinji-kun, tell me. Aoba and Hyouga-kun are running a sweepstakes at work, I…… we could clean up."

It had been weighing on his mind since the beginning. <I'm surprised it took her this long to ask.> "It's not just me that makes the final decision, Misato-san. There's last years winner and the sponsor's have a representative on the panel as well." Both women seemed pleasant enough, if a little waspish in their criticisms of the contestants.

"If you ask me, none of them are all that great." Asuka pointed her thumb at the young girl seated beside Shinji. "Even Wonder Girl here could win."

"Speaking of that. Rei, I really like your new hairstyle. It suits you." The subtle change in the quiet girls appearance and attitude had shocked those who were more accustomed to her regular self. Misato had downplayed Ritsuko's thoughts that maybe it wasn't for the best. The fact that Shinji was slightly more upbeat than usual, something nearly unheard of, especially when he was at NERV, was more than enough for her to consider Rei's slight shift in personality a very positive change.

Up until this point, Rei had sat quietly in her seat, staring out the window. Or so it seemed. Essentially she had been observing the Pilot of Unit 01's reflection, feeling slightly unsettled as he occasionally glanced in her direction. "It is part of my latest training regime."

"What did Shinji-kun have to say about it?" Misato smiled openly. For the first time, she actually understood what the girl's obscure reference meant

That one moment. That one phrase, was etched into Rei's memory. She could recall every nuance of his face as he had uttered the words she had never heard before. Words she wanted to hear him say again. "He said I was beaut-"

"Who cares what Baka Shinji thinks?" Asuka cut in. "I'm hungry. What are we having for dinner?" She fumed, Shinji's spontaneous remark had upset her immensely. <None of them are any match for me. Wonder Girl, Misato. Even those hags that have tricked my Kaji-san. None of them can match Asuka Langley Sohryu.>

"There aren't many decent places open at this time of night Asuka." Misato suppressed the hunger pangs she had been feeling since Shinji had temporarily moved out. "There's still the Cup Ra-"

"Absolutely not!" The quiet fire that eternally burned within her eyes flared brighter than the stars combined.

Knowing that Asuka could only be pushed so far, Misato turned to her last resort. "Shin-chan, could you order some room service for us?"

The last resort in question, having a fine grasp of the people he was dealing with, responded as only he could. "Sure, no problem Misato-san."

"See Asuka. Problem solved. They didn't put me in charge of the three most powerful weapons on the planet because of my stunning good looks."

***

Office of the Supreme Commander of NERV

"The experiment was a success." Ritsuko placed the final report on the Compatibility Experiment on the Commanders Desk. "Rei was able to synchronise with Unit 01 without any problems." She carefully omitted any reference to the psychological trauma experienced by his son. She knew full well that Gendou considered both the Prototype Evangelion and the Third Children useful only to a certain degree to his overall plan. And now the crucial juncture had arrived. Rei's successful activation of the Test Type Unit provided Gendou Ikari the catalyst to truly implement his own scenario.

Kouzou had watched the footage of the experiment. Somehow watching the blue giant react as it had was not his definition of success. "It appears allowing her to familiarise herself with the Third Children was productive, Ikari."

"Correlation between her psychograph readings and the Dummy System indicate that the emotional characteristics have stabilised significantly." Gendou pushed the report to one side. "Begin fast tracking the completion of the Dummy System." He would devour and digest the contents of the report later. "Its application will be necessary sooner rather than later."

Ritsuko threw a nervous glance at the brooding man. "Understood Commander. There were one or two other things that I needed to discuss with you…." She swallowed nervously.

He recognised the pleading look in Doctor Akagi's green eyes. He had witnessed the self same look of desperate need in her mother, Naoko. "Fuyutsuki, while Doctor Akagi and I discuss things, check on the status of the Evangelions."

The elderly professor masked his smile at the obscure pretence of both individuals "Of course Ikari." His mask slipped once he was outside. Noting the time, Kouzou Fuyutsuki offered the discrete suggestion to the bridge crew that the Commander would be otherwise unavailable for the next half hour or so.

***

Tokyo-3 International Hotel

Placing a coaster under yet another beer can, Shinji wondered just how sober a person had to be to legally operate a motor vehicle. "It's starting to get pretty late Misato-san. Shouldn't you be thinking about heading home?"

Misato drained the can as she washed her braised fillet steak down. "In a little while." Her eyes gleamed dangerously. "Why the sudden need to kick us out? Just what sort of games do you and Rei have planned Shinji-kun?" Misato's not so subtle innuendo left Shinji unable to formulate a coherent reply.

Asuka commenced ravaging her second dessert. "I told you Misato. You can't trust this pervert at all."

Rei left the pondering of her own dessert to watch the interaction between the Major and the Second Children while they both continued verbally tormenting the Third Children. "Ikari-kun has not assaulted me Pilot Sohryu. He has even offered to sleep on the couch." At the time she had questioned his desire to not sleep on the bed when it clearly had enough room to comfortably accommodate both of them at the same time. It still puzzled her. <Yet I am glad he decided to sleep in the bed.>

"So you mean you two……" Misato found herself unable to finish the question. Not really sure if she was ready for the answer she knew was coming.

"We share the bed while we sleep." Rei saw nothing untoward with the situation while a petrified Shinji slowly backed away from the now twitching Asuka.

"Together? At the same time?" Asuka's hand lashed out to grasp Shinji where he had been standing just moments before. Her hand continued to clutch at thin air as shock finally set in.

The reactions of all three only further increased Rei's confusion. "Is that not what I have stated?" Tilting her head slightly to one side, she waited for someone to explain what the perceived problem was.

Leaning in, Misato waited eagerly to hear all the juicy details. "Ohhh what next? Moving in together? Marriage? Wait, that's probably taking things too fast. Calling each other by first names?"

Rei turned her attention from Asuka to Misato. "Is that permitted Major Katsuragi?"

Recovering from her shock, Asuka walked over to a cringing Shinji. "Yeesh Wonder Girl. Look." She grabbed Shinji's jaw and forcibly dragged him over in front of the blue haired girl, ignoring his ineffective reluctance. "His name's Shinji. Or Baka Shinji. Or Hentai Shinji. Or -"

"Shinji-kun." Rei looked at the boy who had stopped his futile struggling at her using his first name. "Is this acceptable………Shinji-kun?" Her eyes carefully scrutinised his face, looking for any hint of disapproval or disappointment.

"Very much so……..Rei-cha….san." Shinji's smile caused the girl to blush uncontrollably, although nowhere near a match for his own.

"Rei-chan is acceptable Shinji-kun." She offered, liking how it sounded when said by him. The goose bumps she felt tingling across her flesh as he spoke her name was just one more new experience that she could only classify as agreeable.

"You Japanese and your anal retentive need for formality. What's wrong with just using someone's name?" Asuka released her hold on the boy at his words while Misato grinned, proud of the children as they made their first tentative steps into a brighter world.

***

Shinji carefully draped a blanket over his guardian's sleeping body as she lay sprawled on the couch. The last thing he wanted to do was wake her. Experience had taught him that a drunk, sleepy Misato was a very unpredictable Misato. He smiled faintly at how Touji and Kensuke would literally kill to see her like this. "Or any other guy for that matter." He whispered, having to agree with their assessment that she was a spectacular looking woman. But Misato's appearance held little sway with how he felt about the woman he considered the closest thing he had to family. "Pleasant dreams Misato-san." Her mumbled reply was mostly lost as he made his way to his own makeshift bed for the night.

He stared at the pillow and blanket with some resignation. <Oh well, it's not like it's the first time I've had to sleep on the floor.> He frowned slightly at the surfacing unpleasant memories of his drab, meagre existence before coming to Tokyo-3. "It could be worse. At least there's carpet here, like Misato-san's apartment." Shaking his head to clear the images of a past best forgotten, he crawled under the blanket, hoping that his dreams would be free of the nightmares that normally plagued his sleep.

His thoughts drifted back to his activation test inside Unit 00, what little he could recall. <Was that Rei-chan I felt?> The stark cold presence had terrified him. <Silent, worthless, meaningless. Is that how she truly perceives herself?> It had filled the entry plug. Shinji had found himself lost within the emptiness that sought to invade his mind. He wanted to express his admiration of her achievements. How in awe of her he was. <Perhaps someday Rei-chan will know better.> He could only hope.

***

A subtle movement broke him from his slumber. Shinji held his breath, waiting for whatever it was that had disturbed him, to make the first move. Seconds ticked by before he felt the night air brush briefly against his skin as the blanket was lifted then lowered once again. He knew it wasn't Misato. He could hear her light snoring across the room. Images of Asuka walking in her sleep had him sweating. She had a tendency to blame him for her nocturnal movements. Especially the few times when she ended up sleeping in his room.

"Shinji-kun?" A soft whisper accompanied the gentle warm breath that tickled the nape of his neck.

"Rei-chan?" He stammered. The panic slowly subsided as he rolled over to find her somewhat exhausted crimson eyes watching him. "Is something wrong?" He wondered if she was ill. <She misses so many days of school, I hope it's nothing too serious.>

"I was unable to sleep." Her eyes closed, hugging the blanket tightly around herself, inadvertently drawing him in closer. "Pilot Sohryu moves too much while she sleeps." Asuka had voiced her displeasure at having to share the bed with Rei, but had declared that it had to be safer than sleeping with a pervert. The words had upset Rei. Especially when Misato had done nothing to prevent the verbal tirade. <Her false accusations are annoying. I do not understand why Shinji-kun accepts her abuse.>

"I have to agree with you there." Shinji covered his mouth to muffle his laughter, remembering the synchronisation training for the battle against the Seventh Angel.

"Her crying is distracting also." She shifted slightly, her legs rubbing against his.

Shinji blinked at the feel of her soft, supple calf. "Asuka cried again? I wonder why?" His embarrassment and arousal was muted by his concern for Asuka. He didn't enjoy seeing people suffer. Least of all those he knew and considered friends.

Not realising her simple desire to find a comfortable position was driving the boy next to her to distraction, Rei snuggled in closer to the warmth his body was producing. "You were not briefed on her past."

He marvelled at how delicate her features were. Having been in a somewhat similar position with Asuka during their synchronisation training, he knew just how naturally attractive the redhead girl was. But Rei's face held a classic beauty that captured the eye. "And you were?"

Her eyes opened briefly before closing again. "I have sufficient clearance to access the personnel files."

"You do?" He found himself entranced by the way her mouth moved as she spoke while only marginally awake.

"Commander Ikari has deemed it necessary." Rei thought about how much classified information she was privy to. And how she was at the centre of the web of lies, deceit and intrigue that surrounded it.

The spell he had surrendered himself to was shattered. "Father………"

Hearing how harsh his voice sounded she quickly opened her eyes only to watch him roll over, facing away from her. "I do not mean to upset you Shinji-kun."

"No, it's not your fault." He almost believed his own statement. Almost.

Rei's relationship with his father was always nagging at the back of his mind. It was times like this that only reinforced how wide and deep the gulf between his father and himself actually was. That the man had chosen to raise Rei over himself. How he used Rei's name where he was nothing more than the Third Children or the Pilot of Unit 01.

Realising her error, her hand moved out to comfort the distraught youth, in much the same way he had done so the night before. Hoping to convey the same feeling that his simple gesture had done for her.

Before her hand even reached its target, Shinji shifted even further away, leaving her exclusive use of the blanket. "I'm going to sleep now Ayanami. I guess I'm still a little exhausted from the accident earlier."

Rei flinched hearing how his words lacked their normal gentle tone, his use of her family name. She dropped her hand as she tried to fathom how to repair the damage. Her inexperience with other people and emotions in general left her lost and confused, uncertain of how to proceed.

***

Asuka looked across the table at Misato, who in turn returned the unspoken question. Both of them watched with a mixture of interest and concern at how the remaining two people acted as they ate their breakfast.

Rei would occasionally glance at Shinji. Each time she tried to say something the words never formed. Not that it would have mattered. Not with the young boy focusing his attention on everything but the First Children.

Shinji pushed his still mostly full plate away as he stood up. "Excuse me. I'm going for my shower. Nishijima-san was hoping to get an early start today."

Rei moved to her feet as he passed her. "I will join you after I shower Shinji-kun. We ca-"

Without pausing in his stride, Shinji grabbed his clothes. "Don't worry about it Ayanami. I'm sure you have better things to do." The bathroom door slid closed, the soft 'click' of the lock sounding ominous in the quiet hotel room.

Misato waited until she was certain that the shower was running before she turned back to the First Children. "Rei? Care to tell us what's going on?" The last she could remember was both Shinji and Rei agreeing to refer to each other by their first names. Somewhere between the sweet embrace of sleep and breakfast, things had changed dramatically.

Rei slowly shook her head. "There is nothing wrong Major Katsuragi." While her face remained mostly impassive, her hands were fidgeting. Something Misato could not recall ever seeing.

Asuka slammed her hands on the table. "That's a crock Wonder Girl. Normally Baka Shinji does nothing BUT stare at you." She leaned over the table. "And this morning he wouldn't even look at you once. Something's seriously screwed up, even more so than usual. Tell us what happened." She demanded.

"We can't help if you don't tell us what happened Rei." Misato had to agree with Asuka. For Shinji to not react to her standard morning teasing was a sure sign that he was upset about something. <Although he's normally stressing over so many things. What could affect him so badly?>

"It's okay Misato. I'll just force the answer out of him." Asuka cracked her knuckles and grinned menacingly at the bathroom

"Please, do not." Clasping her hands together, Rei continued to stare at the bathroom door.

Asuka threw her hands in the air, disgusted by how meek the girl was. "Whatever. Misato lets head home. I need to get some clothes."

Misato eyed the blue haired girl speculatively. She knew it was unlikely that Rei would divulge what had occurred to cause such a rift with Shinji. "Sure Asuka. Let's go."

***

"I need to return this to you Mishima-san." Rei reluctantly placed the parcel she had been clutching to her chest on a vacant chair. The emptiness that had once consumed her, returned full force.

Kaede looked at the contents, then at the Rei. "Why? The party isn't until tomorrow night. And in all honesty, they won't miss one outfit." She offered the parcel back to Rei.

Rei found herself unable to take her eyes off the parcel. She managed to restrain the compulsion that was screaming at her to take it back, to reclaim the warmth that chased the harsh, cold void away. "I will not be attending."

Kaede found herself unable to comprehend the change that had taken over the young girl. "But your boyfriend's one of the main guests, that means you-"

"Shinji-kun is no longer my boyfriend." Rei corrected the elderly woman. "We are no longer friends." Her stomach churned at the simple statement.

Glancing over to where the young boy in question was, Kaede smiled. "So that explains it."

"Explains what?" Rei followed her gaze. Her eyes instantly locking on Shinji.

Kaede inclined her head in Shinji's general direction. "Why your boyfriend out there's acting like it's the end of the world." She watched Rei carefully as she spoke. "Is this your first fight?"

Confused by the woman's insistence that Shinji was her boyfriend, Rei felt obligated to once again correct her, regardless of the pain it caused to utter the words. "I do not understand. I have stated we are-."

Ignoring her objections, Kaede motioned for the young girl to lean in. "Do you know what the most important part about a lovers quarrel is?" She smiled mirthfully as Rei shook her head. "It's not who said what or even who was in the wrong. It's about knowing when to set it all aside and make up." Her smile spoke of experience and encouragement.

"Make up?" The phrase only further confused her. <I fail to see how cosmetics will solve the problem between myself and Shinji-kun.>

Kaede's eyes stared off into the distance. "Hmmm, some of my most treasured memories are making up with my husband after a disagreement. All the energy we put into arguing with each other would be redirected to more….. "She blushed slightly, "….interesting use."

"How do people normally restore friendship?" Rei was surprised at the eagerness in her own voice. <I have never sought something as frivolous as friendship before. Am I correct in pursuing this? Commander Ikari would not approve.> Before she could further investigate her own thoughts and feelings, a voice interrupted things.

"Who'd want that Baka's friendship?" Both Rei and Kaede turned to find Asuka casually sorting through the clothes. It appeared she had been there a while as she approvingly added another dress to a large pile beside her.

Kaede watched the young red head admire herself in a full-length mirror with a measure of amusement. Shaking her head, she returned her attention to Rei. "Since it's your first lover's quarrel, you'll need to make up pretty quickly. It's too early to let this go on too long."

"So why is this so important to you?" Asuka began searching through a shoe rack for a suitable pair to match one of the outfits that she liked. "Why are you still here Wonder Girl? No one ordered you to be his friend." Asuka remembered her own experience in attempting to convince the quiet girl into being friends. "It's not like you've ever wanted friends."

"It is difficult to express." Rei collected her thoughts before she answered. "Shinji-kun warms me." The statement was simple and direct. Yet Rei felt it encapsulated her feelings.

"Warms……..you?" Asuka s jaw dropped slightly, as did the jacket she was inspecting. "Just how does Baka Shinji……..warm you?" She inquired. <Just what have those two been getting up to?>

Rei placed a hand over her chest as she closed her eyes. "When he looks at me, smiles at me. When he is beside me, I feel a comfortable warmth in here." Her crimson eyes sparkled as she recalled each and every instance. "It spreads throughout my entire body. It is pleasant."

"Your boyfriend looks like he's the sort that won't make the first move." Kaede appraised the boy who was being subjected to further ignominy at the hands of the beauty pageant finalists.

"Got that right. Baka Shinji just doesn't know how to take a hint from a woman. The other week I….."Asuka's face managed a reasonable impression of her plug suit's colour, her words trailing off. "That's not important." Asuka coughed, hoping to cover her indiscretion.

Wondering why the Second Children was all flustered, Rei stole a quick glance at Shinji. "It is already too late." <Perhaps the Commander is correct. Friendship is a weakness.>

"I don't know about that." Humming to herself, Kaede selected a range of outfits and began handing them to Rei. "Let's see what we can do to change his mind."

Unsure of what the woman meant, she simply followed along, listening intently to the old woman's instructions.

***

"Hmmm. I have to agree." Ryouji Kaji sat naked on the edge of the hotel room's bed, whispering into his cell phone. "Commander Ikari is definitely preparing something." He paused, listening to the person on the other end. "Of course he suspects me." He chuckled. "Ikari suspects everyone."

The woman in the bed shifted slightly in her sleep, exposing her naked torso to the night air. Ryouji lifted the blanket up to cover her again, smiling as she murmured something unintelligible in her sleep.

"Yes, I'll indulge myself a little longer." Drawing on his cigarette, he considered the consequences of his actions. What a certain Major might think, how she would interpret what he was doing. "Let them suspect I've fallen for their diversions. It should make things easier if they see me as some sort of hormonally charged Casanova."

Deactivating the phone, Ryouji threw it on the bed. Lying back, his head resting on the comfortable behind of Mayu Seijiro, he looked at his reflection in the mirrored ceiling. "Will you understand what I'm trying to do Katsuragi?" He whispered to himself.

"Hmmm, ready to go again Ryo-chan?" Mayu giggled huskily, running her fingers threw his unkempt hair.

"I'm always ready." Ryouji laughed. <Will you forgive me for being selfish Katsuragi?>

***

Dragging himself back to his hotel room, Shinji paused at each corner, ensuring that the corridor ahead was clear of any potential stalkers. He idly rubbed his rear, wincing slightly. He hadn't considered how painful it would be to have several women pinching it during the course of the day. Although a sore behind was the least of his worries as they had steadily became more brazen in their attempts to seduce him. The sad smile on his face only prompting them to try harder.

"Made it!" While not a major accomplishment, making it in one piece to his room was about the only thing that had gone right the whole day.

After entering the room he quietly closed the door behind him, making sure to lock it. "I'm home." All that greeted him was a room shrouded in darkness. "I guess it's not surprising." Making his way across to the bedroom, his attention was caught by the subtle movement within the shadows.

"Who is it?" He managed to stutter. <Did Megumi-san manage to sneak in here?> He thought as he prepared to make a dash for the door.

"Shinji-kun."

Once his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he could finally confirm his suspicion about the identity of his guest. "Why are you here Ayanami?" His voice held a mixture of hope and resignation as he watched the young girl step forward. Once again he couldn't contain his surprise and admiration at how resplendent she looked. The dark cocktail dress hugged her body, drawing his eyes, almost forcing him to stare.

"I….." Rei struggled to voice her thoughts. All the things she desperately wanted to tell him suddenly abandoning her as she felt his eyes on her. <Why is it so difficult to express what I want?>

Interpreting her silence as confirmation of her attachment, her loyalty to his father, Shinji clenched his hand into a fist. His knuckles paling as his fingers dug mercilessly into his palms. "Ayanami, I know you were only doing this because the Commander, my father allowed you to. But you-"

"Rei." Her soft voice pleaded.

"What?" Shinji's eyes opened slightly at the obvious desperation in her voice.

"My name. I want you to call me Rei." She moved forward to stand directly in front of him, her eyes unsure yet also defiant. "Like you did before. I want you to look at me like you did before. To smile at me." Her hand grasped the sleeve of his shirt as she voiced her thoughts. "To call me beautiful. To be my friend again." Her voice became a ragged whisper. "To be mine."

"I'm sorry." He could feel her trembling as her hand shook slightly, tugging at his shirt. "I can't be your friend."

Her hand froze and then released it's hold to fall limply at her side. "I……….understand." Staggering past the stationary boy, she felt something warm and damp streaming down her face. <I am crying?> The desire to run, to be as far away from the boy and the painful reactions he caused was all she wanted.

The sharp intake of breath she heard was her own as she felt his hand gently grab her arm.

"Because I'm your boyfriend Rei-chan." Hearing him admit as much filled her heart and soul beyond imagining. The tears that had initially expressed her pain and loss now poured forth, announcing her joy and elation.

***

End Sixth Refrain

Tbc

Authors Post-Rant -

I was actually a little uncertain just how to handle the emergence of a minor disagreement between S/R. Seems a bit WAFFy, I know. But this is a specific romantic pairing. And since this is Evangelion and it is Shinji and Rei, let's see how Gendou reacts to these developments.

As always, post your reviews here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other comments, thoughts etc are welcome at -

otaku_dman@yahoo.com.au.

Ja Ne