Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ All That I Am ❯ Fifteenth Refrain ( Chapter 15 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Evangelion Fanfiction

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer to the First Refrain

Author's Pre-Rant -

Okay. I'm persevering through writer's block (and the obvious lack of talent) at the moment, so don't expect miracles (even if it is the dawning of a new year). I've even begun work on a couple of other Evangelion Stories to see if that helps break the drought. In case you're wondering and I know this will undoubtedly annoy/upset/outrage some of you, but one of them will actually be a Shinji / Asuka story. (One of the others is a completely AU Fic while the last one is more of a look at the Shinji / Misato relationship)

**Author begins dodging all dangerous implements thrown in his direction** - Play nice children or I'll make this story a Shinji/Kaworu fic.

I believe that a successfully written S/A pairing is considerably more difficult than S/R, simply because I'm still trying to decipher what it is Shinji and Asuka can actually offer each other that will assist each other in overcoming their personal demons. I don't know how other people manage it. But don't worry, as some of you may have guessed, I am quite the fan of GAINAX's azure haired beauty and I will undoubtedly return to writing S/R orientated stories (hopefully) in the not so distant future. Perhaps a tragic Darkfic. ^-^

We'll see how things go. I still have quite a few chapters of this to finish yet. (I only hope I have what it takes to accomplish it)

All That I Am

Fifteenth Refrain - Seeing, Believing and Understanding

Central Dogma

Chewing her lip, Ritsuko quickly began organising her thoughts on how to effectively minimise the time required to run the surprise activation test ordered by Gendou. Entering the control room, she was hardly surprised to find her younger assistant, Maya Ibuki, lost in the work that she had delegated to the sometimes overly industrious lieutenant. Maya was obviously too engrossed in her duties to even notice Ritsuko as the blonde scientist walked over to stand beside the competent technician. "Maya-kun?" She said seriously, startling the young brunette.

Blinking in surprise at finding her mentor standing beside her, Maya blushed at her own ignorance for failing to notice the presence of the older woman. "Yes Sempai?" She managed to stutter.

With her eyes automatically scrolling over Maya's work, Ritsuko smiled inwardly at the finesse her young protégé displayed and the apparent lack of errors in the programming code. "I need you to do something for me and I need you to be very discrete about it." While the Commander had insisted that all security protocols remain in place, Ritsuko was confidant that he was referring primarily to Rei and Misato.

"Of course Sempai." Maya replied. While she lacked the high level of security clearance that her Sempai did, she did have access to certain information and tasks that were still considered too classified for most NERV personnel. "What is it?" She asked, wondering what it was that was obviously unsettling her normally stoic superior.

"I need you to go and arrange Shinji-kun's transfer from the Detention cells to the Medical Observation Unit." Ritsuko had considered going herself but she needed to focus her energies on the tasks at hand. Activation tests normally had days of planning and verification procedures for practically every detail no matter how minor or inconsequential and at best she had a matter of hours. "And Maya-kun," she said, her voice quietly serious, "you have to make sure that no one else discovers the truth about his condition."

Maya's resolve wavered slightly. She had been unable to forgive herself for the activation of the Dummy Plug System during the battle against the Thirteenth Angel, even if it had been at Commander Ikari's direct order and had ultimately saved all their lives. Compounding the problem was the fact that Shinji had been effectively incarcerated following the battle, another thing she felt partly responsible for. As a result, Maya had recently found herself thinking more and more about the softly spoken young Pilot. "Has something happened to Shinji-kun?" She asked, her mind already creating a host of unpleasant possibilities that consisted primarily of Shinji purposely injuring himself in a failed suicide attempt.

Ritsuko felt her normally rigid façade crack slightly at the memory of the unsavoury truth of the situation. "The less you know the better. I'm sorry Maya-kun but I don't have time to go into details." She said evasively, handing over the authorisation documents. With one issue resolved, Ritsuko turned to begin the lengthy preparations that were required to safely activate the unpredictable Unit 01. "I need you to go and oversee things and then report back as soon as possible. We've got a lot of things to get through."

"Is something happening Sempai?" Maya continued to inquire, somewhat confused by Ritsuko's apprehensive demeanour.

Sighing more from the demands that were being placed on her rather than her subordinates ceaseless questioning, Ritsuko looked back over her shoulder at the confused young woman. "We have an activation test for Unit 01 and 02 to arrange."

Had it been physically possible, Maya was certain her jaw would have unhinged and fallen through several layers of reinforced plating. "So soon? But we need more time, surely the Comm-"

Ritsuko slammed a palm down on an adjacent desk in frustration. "We don't have time and standing here talking about how much of it we don't have isn't helping." Taking a deep breath, she paused to regather her composure before continuing. "I'm sorry Maya-kun, I didn't mean to snap." Rubbing her temples, Ritsuko smiled wanly at Maya, hoping to ease the tension of the moment.

"That's alright Sempai." Maya said, shaking her head from side to side. "It's not your fault. I'll be back as quickly as I can." She called out as she hurried out the nearest door.

Unable to resist, Ritsuko chuckled at the sight. To her eyes, it looked like a slightly giddy young woman running off to meet with her boyfriend for a passionate rendezvous. "Thank you Maya-kun." She whispered to herself before turning to begin the arduous task that still lay before her.

***

The Tortured Mind Of The Third Children

Sitting on a rock outcrop, Shinji stared out over the expansive view that dominated his field of vision. The clear, blue sky, the lush, verdant forest and crystal clear lake barely registered in his mind. Even the way the light sparkled as it reflected of the surface of the water couldn't ease the pain that clutched his heart.

"Why are you crying?" A child's voice asked from beside him, breaking the façade of peaceful solitude.

"I'm not." Shinji answered, not even bothering to turn to face his unexpected guest. "Not anymore anyway."

"Not out here." The boy replied, walking around to stand in front of Shinji. "In there." He said pointing at Shinji's chest.

Shinji stared at the child, placing the boy's age at about three or four. What intrigued him the most was how familiar the child looked. He was certain that he had seen the young boy somewhere before. "What are you talking about?"

"I can hear you." The boy frowned, staring at Shinji as if he were at fault for the disturbance and simply too dense to understand this simple premise.

"Who are you?" Shinji asked. A nagging sensation of familiarity was skirting the fringes of his memory. "You look familiar."

"We have met before." The boy admitted. "If you think about it, you'll remember." He said before sitting next to Shinji and gazing out at the water's surface, a look of apprehensive fascination on his face.

Still examining the child's face, Shinji finally remembered where he had last seen this child. "The Twelfth………You were there………With me when I ……." His voice dropped to soft whisper. "Died." He continued to gawk as the boy nodded once, confirming Shinji's discovery. "You're me."

"The you that exists inside." Stretching his legs out, Child-Shinji smiled sadly at his older counterpart. "The you that you refuse to let go of."

"Why are you here?" Shinji asked. "Maybe I've gone insane." He whispered to himself, wondering if it was that bad a thing. <Or have I died again?> He thought, trying to decide whether this was a blessing in disguise.

Child-Shinji shrugged his shoulders. "I told you. I heard you crying."

"Baka Shinji's always crying." A harsh voice interrupted. "If he's not crying he's apologising. It makes me sick."

Shinji gaped, nonplussed at the sudden appearance of the familiar young girl dressed in her favourite yellow sun dress. "Asuka?"

Flicking her hair back, Asuka walked over and poked him in the chest. "Always backing down. Always running away. Always giving up." With each subsequent statement her index finger jabbed just a little bit harder into his body, causing the confused young Pilot to wince.

For once, Shinji found himself looking directly into Asuka's clear, sapphire blue eyes. Simply too shocked to remember to look away. "How can you be here?" When Asuka refused to answer him, he looked at his former self for an explanation. "What's going on?"

"She is the Asuka that you perceive." The boy offered, only adding to Shinji's predicament.

"Shinji-kun." A voice said from behind him. A voice he was very well acquainted with. A voice he knew almost intimately. A voice that caused his heart to skip a beat.

Shinji's eyes widened at the sound of his name. "No." He managed to say, his voice choking slightly from the constricting sensation that was now making it hard for him to breathe. "I don't want to see this." His hand slowly curled into a fist, the joints cracking and popping from the pressure. "I don't want to see her. Not again. Please. Not again." He whimpered, drawing his knees up and leaning his face into them.

"How can you see when you refuse to even look at what is there." His younger self chided from beside him.

Shinji could hear the disappointment and reproach in the small boy's voice but it didn't matter to him. "BECAUSE IT HURTS!" He shouted, his pained voice muffled by his legs. "I'm sick of being hurt. Everything hurts." Moaning, Shinji curled himself further into a ball. Hoping that it would somehow protect him from the very things that now haunted him. "Why can't they just leave me alone?" He whined, hoping that this was simply another bad dream and that he would wake up any time soon to an irritable Asuka and hung-over Misato.

"Perhaps Asuka is right. Maybe you really are an idiot." The child sighed audibly.

"Hahahahahahaha." Shinji threw his head back, erupting into hysterical laughter. "My own mind is agreeing with Asuka." He shook his head, chuckling at the irony. "I must have gone insane. Either that or I've died and this is hell. What next?" He asked, wiping a tear from his eye. "Will she call me a pervert and slap me about a little?" His smile shifted quickly into a dark frown. "Perhaps my father will turn up and express his 'gratitude' again."

"Shinji-kun." The soft, feminine voice repeated.

Covering his ears and closing his eyes, Shinji shouted for all he was worth. No longer caring if anyone thought poorly of his childish antics. "LEAVE ME ALONE! GO BACK TO MY FATHER. GO BACK TO YOUR PRECIOUS COMMANDER." Drained from the emotional outburst, Shinji slumped forward, staring at the ground in utter defeat. "Just go and leave me alone."

"Did it mean so little to you?" Child-Shinji asked.

"Are you still here?" Shinji muttered. "If you're me, you should feel the same. She betrayed me. Betrayed us. She was just using me. Just like everyone else." He could feel the bile rising in his throat at the thought of being continually used and abused by those closest to him.

"Was your belief that weak?" His younger self persisted.

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. JUST TELL ME!" Shinji screamed, his lungs burning at the effort. "Please." He pleaded of his child self. "Tell me what I should do."

The younger boy shook his head, his cobalt eyes filled with a deep sorrow. "No one can tell you a truth that you already know and yet refuse to acknowledge."

Shinji stood up and clutched his head as wave after wave of searing pain shot through his skull. "I don't understand……..I don't understand why everyone hates me…….Why won't anyone like me?" Walking forward, his steps faltered and he tumbled forward landing heavily against the ground. "Am I so horrible that they want to hurt me?" Rolling up into a foetal position, Shinji began sobbing. "Misato-san? Asuka?" His surroundings gradually vanished, leaving only a small child standing in the void looking sadly at the fallen boy. "Anyone? Please tell me."

***

NERV Medical Facilities

Maya Ibuki did not consider herself an exceptionally strong willed person. She often weighed her own her own abilities against those of her colleagues, especially those of her Sempai's and often found herself falling short of her ideal. Arriving to collect Shinji, she had expected to find the young man silent and dejected from the recent, traumatic events. She even expected him to perhaps tell her that he hated her for what she had been forced to do during the battle against the possessed Unit 03.

What she least expected was to find a near comatose Shinji, still dressed in his Plug Suit, encrusted with dry LCL and his face covered with bruises that were only just now beginning to fade. Only her shock at the sight kept her from breaking down.

Now she walked beside the gurney as a medical team transported him to the secure observation facilities for treatment. As they neared the medical ward, Maya noticed Shinji twitching slightly. Thinking that perhaps the boy was regaining consciousness, Maya squeezed his hand affectionately, intending to ensure that the first thing he saw was someone smiling and genuinely happy to see him.

Her smile rapidly changed to a look of horrified concern as Shinji suddenly convulsed, his back arching painfully and his mouth thrown open in a silent scream. "Shinji-kun? Shinji-kun! Doctor! What's happening to him?" Maya felt his hand grip her own and for a brief moment she feared he would crush her hand, but strangely enough, while his entire body was rigid and the muscles straining from the tension, he merely continued to firmly hold her hand. Tears began flowing from her eyes as she watched him endure whatever it was that tormented him.

The medical team quickly began checking his vital statistics, before resorting to having to sedate the boy. "Without a thorough examination the only diagnosis I can postulate at the moment would be he's experiencing something similar to an epileptic seizure." The Doctor quickly ensured the boy wasn't about to swallow his own tongue and then checked his eyes and pulse before barking his orders to the orderlies to prepare the necessary equipment required to assist in the boy's treatment. "It's not surprising really considering what he's undergone up until now." He sighed before regaining his calm, professional state of mind. "Now if you'll please excuse us Lieutenant," He said, noting the insignia on her uniform, "we have to prevent the possibility of any further damage."

Realising she still had a hold on Shinji's hand, Maya blushed and released it reluctantly. "Will he be alright?" She asked, her concerned eyes trailing the gurney as it disappeared through a set of doors.

The Doctor placed a compassionate hand on Maya's shoulder and gently squeezed. "I should have a definite answer for you in a little while. Try not to worry about it too much. He's got the best medical people and facilities at his disposal."

"I…… I have to get back to work." The words came hesitantly. Maya felt uncomfortable leaving the poor boy alone, knowing that none of his friends or defacto family would be allowed to see him.

The Doctor nodded, understanding the constraints that most NERV employees worked with. "I'll notify you if there are any……..positive developments Miss…..Uhmmm." His voice trailed, waiting for her to supply the answer.

"Ibuki." Maya replied automatically.

"I'll contact you as soon as I have any news Miss Ibuki." As he watched the young woman leave, he smiled. "Your girlfriend is quite the looker Mister Ikari. You may not want to keep her waiting too long or someone will undoubtedly try to steal her from you." Sighing wistfully at the trials that young lovers often had to face, he turned to check on his most recent patient.

***

Pilot Change Room

The arrival of the two young female Evangelion Pilot's at NERV headquarters had been a quiet and sombre affair. Both Rei and Asuka had too much on their minds to consider even the simplest of conversations although admittedly most discussions between the First and Second Children contained very little in the way of pleasant, friendly dialogue.

Rei's introspective thoughts were diverse and scattered. The inability to remain focused on the upcoming activation test of Unit 01 had her worried. Commander Ikari had often expressed the need for her absolute concentration, dedication and commitment to not only EVA, but also his plan for Third Impact. <If I fail to activate Unit 01,> she pondered, <will I be replaced?>. Entering the Pilot Change room, Rei glanced briefly at the dividing curtain that normally separated the two girls from Shinji. Her brow furrowed as she began removing her clothes. <Will my replacement assume my place at his side?>. Hanging her clothes up in her locker, Rei paused. . Rei unfurled her Plug Suit and lifted the baggy, latex-like material up. Pressing the decompression switch on her wrist, the loose fitting suit quickly conformed to her lithe body.

Lost in her thoughts, something she often tried to avoid, Asuka failed to notice the brief appearance of discontentment and subsequent determination suddenly flash across the pale features of the girl beside her. The discussion she had held with the albino earlier had woken some of her more distasteful memories. Memories not only from her childhood long ago, but also of recent times. Dumping her carry bag in the bottom of the locker, Asuka removed her dress and grabbed her Plug Suit. . Her normally animated features stayed flat and lifeless as she struggled to convince herself that she wasn't weak and that she didn't need anyone. <I'll show them what a true Evangelion Pilot is capable of.> With a deep breath, Asuka decompressed her suit, closed her locker and turned towards the girl beside her. "Well then Wonder Girl, Commander Ikari must be serious about getting rid of Baka Shinji if you're going to be the new Pilot of Unit 01." The frightened, angry child was pushed deep inside as the mask that Asuka often used to disguise her own pain and self-doubt slid into place. Eyes that were only moments ago, dull and empty, now sparkled with a carefully fabricated vitality.

"That remains to be seen." Rei replied, taking a seat on a nearby bench to await the call that all preparations were complete. "I have only successfully activated Unit 01 the one time." Staring at her locker, Rei looked at her name. She had often heard people comment that she was similar to her name in many respects. <Zero. A nothing given form and a manufactured soul.>. Her eyes once again shifted to consider the thin curtain that obscured the empty male section of the change room. <Yet when he speaks my name, I feel I can be more than others would think.>. "It is not definite that I will succeed again."

"With an attitude like that you'll fail before you even try, Rei." A female voice said reproachfully from the doorway.

Rei tilted her head slightly to consider the new arrival. "Doctor Akagi."

Removing her glasses, Ritsuko spared each girl a brief glance, measuring their composure from their body language. Her keen, analytical mind, coupled together with the detailed information she had available concerning both Pilots, allowed her to scrutinise them far more easily than any psychoanalyst could ever manage. With that one cursory look, she was easily able to discern that neither of them were ready for today's surprise test. Meeting Rei's piercing gaze, Ritsuko decided how best to handle the one part of the equation that Gendou considered more important. "Commander Ikari will be present for the activation test Rei, I'm sure he won't appreciate it if you intend to simply waste his time." Inwardly, Ritsuko blanched as Rei flinched. She felt sullied by using the girl's admiration and respect for her de facto father figure against her, but she knew that they all had a part to play in Gendou Ikari's scenario.

Asuka snorted in annoyed amusement. "Always about Unit 01." She muttered contemptuously, her eyes narrowing in irritation at the blonde scientist. "Has anyone ever told the Commander that he has an unhealthy obsession with that piece of junk?"

Ritsuko shook her head, smiling at the associated imagery of such a situation actually occurring. "You're more than welcome to be the first Asuka." She offered. "I wouldn't recommend it though, the Commander never forgets and rarely forgives." She cautioned the young girl. In Ritsuko's experience, the Akagi family were quite intimate with just how unforgiving Gendou Ikari could be.

"Maybe I will." Asuka remarked casually. "I doubt anyone's ever told the bastard what they really think of him."

"Asuka, don't do anything foolish," another female voice added from outside the room, "and Rei, you'll do your best to activate Unit 01." Misato Katsuragi dressed in her customary short, black dress and red command jacket walked in to stand beside Ritsuko. "Just as you normally would."

"What are you doing here Misato?" Asuka demanded hotly. She had yet to forgive the woman for their most recent argument and was far from happy to have to see or speak to her now.

"My job Asuka." Misato replied calmly. "Even if Shinji-kun isn't here," The lavender haired woman's voice faltered slightly at the mention of the boy's name, "we all still have a job to do, in case you've forgotten." Her dark eyes held Asuka's, neither one offering any ground in the battle of wills they now waged against one another.

"A job we do not receive payment for, is that not correct Pilot Sohryu?" Rei said abruptly, drawing the surprised attention of all three women.

Misato, Asuka and Ritsuko stared at Rei, stunned by her flippant comment, before Asuka began laughing. "You're learning Wonder Girl." Asuka said, slapping the Pilot of Unit 00 on the shoulder as she walked past her and out the door. "Maybe there's hope for you yet."

Rei followed after the departing Second Children. "Hope." She whispered softly to herself. Never having experienced anything other than pain and emptiness until recently, Rei wondered if such a commodity existed.

Ritsuko waited until she was certain that both Asuka and Rei were gone before she spoke. "Misato. I need to speak with you." She shook her head as Misato opened her mouth to speak. "Not here. Maybe after work, we can go out for a couple of drinks?" She asked.

"Sure Ritsu-chan." Misato smiled, acting casually in case the walls had ears. "You know I can't refuse an offer like that."

***

The Tortured Mind of The Third Children

Sensing a subtle change in his surroundings, Shinji leaned back and tilted his head to see whatever it was that had appeared behind him. With a defeated moan, he closed his eyes and sat back up. "Why are you here again? I thought you left."

"You're killing yourself." The small boy's voice replied.

"Maybe that's for the best." Shinji said. "Father can be rid of me." He said with some regret, knowing that any chance of reconciling with the man that had sired him was even more remote than it had ever been. "Asuka can smile again if I'm not there." He continued to say, hoping that his absence would benefit the high strung German beauty. "Misato-san won't have to worry about me anymore and…………" Shinji's voice faded, the words he wanted to say were unable to form and force their way out.

"And what?" The child-Shinji prompted, trying to encourage his older self to face the truth that he simply refused to acknowledge.

Shinji remained silent for a few moments before answering. "And nothing." His eyes opened to find his young doppelganger standing in front of him, a frown on his face.

"Are you ready to play a little game?" The child asked, the frown becoming serious all of a sudden.

Not understanding what the child's intentions were, Shinji hook his head. "I don't really feel like pla-" His voice caught in his throat as a petite set of feminine hands covered his eyes.

"Guess who?" A soft voice whispered into his ear, the warm, sweet breath tickling him.

"………No…….." He managed to choke, his entire body beginning to tremble.

"She won't leave until you answer." The child's voice stated. "You know as well as I do that she can be extremely stubborn at times."

"Why?" Shinji asked. "You're me aren't you? Why do you want to hurt me?" His voice cracked as he struggled to contain the wracking sobs that fought to escape.

"Do you remember when you asked her why she started playing this little game a while ago?" Child-Shinji asked.

"……….." Still blinded by the hands that he could not bring himself to remove, Shinji remained silent, unwilling to answer the boy's question.

"What was it she told you?" The child's soft voice continued. "I'm sure you remember her response. I know I do."

"She said she simply liked to touch me." Shinji answered, his hand clenching into a tight fist. "And hear me say her name."

"A straight forward, honest answer." The voice agreed. "Even though she was slightly embarrassed to admit as much, she wanted you to know why she started to and continued to play this game."

"But it was all a lie." Shinji heard the bitter sound of his pain at the perceived betrayal he had suffered.

"Was it?" The child asked.

"But father said…….." Shinji found himself unable to repeat the words, the horrible things that had shattered his fragile heart and soul.

"Who do you intend to believe?" The voice demanded scornfully. "The man who abandoned us or the girl that found us." The voice paused, offering Shinji the chance to answer the question, but the distraught teenager remained silent. "I'll ask you again and if you truly wish to leave I won't stop you."

"………" Shinji simply sat there, unwilling to reply.

"Does she mean so little to you? Is your belief in her so weak?" The child's voice now held a slight hint of urgency to it.

"………" Still he remained silent.

"You must answer." The voice was now desperate. "Your time grows short."

"Me." Shinji whispered finally breaking the oppressive silence.

"What?" The child's surprised voice asked.

"I'm the one who's weak." Shinji smiled. "It's always been me." Grasping the small hands that still covered his eyes, he gently pulled them down around his chest. He felt the young girl's body come to a rest against his back. Inhaling deeply, Shinji could smell the tantalising, subtle fragrance of vanilla and orchids that he always associated with her. "I was afraid of what she meant to me. Afraid of what I was to her." His eyes opened to find his younger self smiling at him. "Afraid that I would be left alone again."

Shrugging his shoulders, the child-Shinji spun around and slowly walked away. "That can still happen. Life provides no guarantees."

"But if I can," He gently stroked the forearms that hugged his chest, "I would remain by her side forever."

"You never answered the question." The child threw over his shoulder.

"Do I need to?" Shinji asked as the child began fading from sight.

"Maybe, maybe not." The voice echoed with amusement around him. "Only you can decide that."

"Rei-chan." Shinji rested his head against her slender arm, closing his eyes once again. "I was so stupid and foolish. Will you ever forgive me?" He smiled as one small word was whispered into his ear.

***

NERV Medical Facilities

"Doctor? The patient……He's stabilising?" The nurse exclaimed, unable to hide her surprise. For the last hour they had struggled to control the seizures that had wracked the young boy's body. Each time he had recovered it began again, worse than before until it appeared his life signs were failing altogether.

The doctor stared at the readings that he was now seeing, amazed at how quickly the patient was recovering. "Continue to monitor his recovery, he's still quite unstable and could relapse at any moment. I have to notify his girlfriend, she appeared quite distressed earlier." He chuckled, relieved that things had turned out so positively.

The nurse frowned. "That wasn't his girlfriend." She answered. "His girlfriend's one of the other Pilot's. That's what I've heard anyway."

"It wasn't?" He asked, confused at what he had witnessed earlier. Shrugging his shoulders, the doctor stepped back to allow the medical team to tidy things up. <Maybe I'm seeing things.>

***

Central Dogma

Misato waited for the LCL to finish filling each Pilot's respective entry plugs before she opened the communication lines. "Are you both ready?"

"Yes Major." Rei replied flatly, her face having returned to her customary emotionless mask.

Asuka simply rolled her eyes, before letting her impatience be known. "Let's get this over with. I still have to find a place to stay."

Monitoring the figures as synchronisation was established between Pilot and EVA, Ritsuko frowned at one display before contacting the Pilot concerned. "Rei? Is everything alright?"

Rei grimaced at the uncomfortable sensation that was needling her mind. "It is ……difficult. Something has changed."

"Doctor Akagi. What do the MAGI have to say?" Gendou's voice called from his command dais.

Ritsuko quickly ran the collated information through the MAGI, allowing the three super computers to analyse and extrapolate the data. "All three are in agreement. Unit 01 will ultimately reject Rei just as it has the Dummy Plug." Ritsuko relayed to the Commander.

"Is there any way to reverse the problem?" Gendou asked.

"Nothing definite." Ritsuko replied, quickly scanning the report produced by her mother's creation. "Perhaps with a little more time I could isolate the cause. As for reversing the problem………" Her voice trailed off, leaving the answer unsaid.

"Continue with the test." Gendou ordered, leaning forward to contemplate the latest confirmation of Doctor Akagi's previous findings.

"What do you intend to do Ikari?" Kouzou whispered. "We can ill afford the loss of Unit 01 at this juncture. If Rei -."

"Piloting is not Rei's primary purpose. She is the key that will allow me to unlock Heaven's Gate." Gendou watched the purple behemoth restrained in its cage, his thoughts a mixture of loss and need, carefully restrained by an ambition tempered by discipline and patience. "Unit 01 will awaken as is required. I have come too far, sacrificed too much to allow something like this to hinder my plans." His feverish thoughts were already planning just how to accomplish such a feat. <It appears Unit 01 and Yui will only accept the boy.> Behind his hands, Gendou smiled briefly. <Then they shall have him.> Rising to his feet, Gendou motioned for his former instructor to follow. "If the Dummy Plug is of no further use, we only need replace the core material with something more suitable."

***

End Fifteenth Refrain

Tbc

This is a Beta Version Only. SuPeRnOvA145 is undoubtedly enjoying his holidays like so many others. (This miserable wretch included) Once he's done advising me of the annoying typo's I continue to make, I'll re-post.

Authors Post-Rant -

The whole Maya thing was simply how people can often confuse compassion for something more. I was actually a victim of that kind of misunderstanding myself a while back. (The young lady in question was quite hurt by the fact that I was only being nice and not actually interested in her) Human emotions can be exceedingly difficult to understand. I can barely navigate the treacherous waters of my own mind, let alone attempt to comprehend someone else.

As always, post your reviews here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other comments, thoughts etc are welcome at -

otaku_dman@yahoo.com.au.

Ja Ne

PS - Happy Everything Mina-san. Hopefully I will see you all in the New Year. And if you happen to be travelling in Japan come April/May of 2004, look for the tall, blue eyed Aussie enjoying the Cherry Blossom Festival.