Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Angel Standing By ❯ Everyday ( Chapter 4 )

Shinji sat on the roof of his apartment building, staring out into the setting sun. I didn't glow orange, but rather cast a bright, ethereal glow over the storm darkened sky behind him. A light breeze blew through his short brown hair. It was times like these he felt the heartache buried deep within him. Over the past 10 years, he had learned to live with the pain of killing the one who loved him, when he was alone, it all rushed back to him and throbbed dully in his chest.

Maybe he felt this way because it seemed heaven was looking down on him and with the soft wind, Shinji could swear he felt Kaworu's gentle embrace or catch a hint of his smell. Shinji laughed lightly as the sky began to darken completely with night. How foolish it was to obsess over a single person for so long a time.

With that thought, he was brought back into the present and let the nostalgia leave him.

Shinji's life had changed considerably since he was an Eva pilot. He now lived with another young man his age that had evacuated Tokyo-3 shortly before the arrival of the thrid angel. They were complete opposites, but Shinji needed that contrast. It was a small reminder of what it had been like to live with Misato and Asuka.

Shinji climbed down and slipped in through the window in his bedroom. He kicked his shoes off and tossed his jacket on his bed. Shinji walked out of the room and found his roommate stretched comfortably across the couch, a video game controller in his hand. His roommate looked up with a grin and wove at Shinji.

"Bein' the tragic hero again, up on the roof?" The other man asked. Shinji laughed lightly, if only he really knew.

"Knock it off, Ryozo. There was a cool sunset and I wanted to watch it," Shinji said and disappeared into their small kitchen. Ryozo watched him and then leaned back against the couch and continued his game.

Shinji had always been a bit of an odd one. He put up a happy face, but there were times that Ryozo was sure that there was something deeper hiding behind those blue eyes. They had been friends since university and Shinji had divulged very little about his past. Ryozo knew that he had no family and no friends, but Shinji always tried to smile. Ryozo shook the thoughts away and concentrated on his game.

Shinji pulled a few things out of the cabinet and set forth to making himself a small dinner. "Have you eaten yet?" Shinji called out towards the living room.

"Yeah, but I'm hungry if you want to make me something too," Ryozo replied from the couch.

Shinji pulled down extra food and shook his head. Despite Ryozo's slender build, the boy would more than likely eat them out of house and home. "You really need to stop eating every meal twice," Shinji reprimanded. Ryozo just shrugged, he heard the same thing every day.

Shinji thoughts wandered back towards Kaworu again. It had been a while since he had seriously thought about Kaworu. He let out a sad sigh as he skimmed through a recipe book. He began to wonder what Kaworu would be like now. Would he be handsome? Would he still be as friendly and open as he had been? Shinji's mind wandered and only the sound of water spilling onto the stove brought him back into the real world.

"You trying to burn down our apartment?" Ryozo was now standing in the doorway to the kitchen, causing Shinji to jump.

"Don't just pop up like that! You scared the crap out of me!" Shinji said, trying to gain control of his wildly fluttering heart.

"You're on another planet tonight!" Ryozo scolded Shinji.

"I'm sorry. I've just got a lot on my mind and I'm feeling a little scatterbrained," Shinji explained as he watched his roommate turn down the heat on the stove and add the noodles to the boiling water.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Ryozo asked, after getting dinner under control.

"It's complicated and it's probably classified information," Shinji told him and was glad that Ryozo had decided to take over making them dinner, he just couldn't concentrate.

Ryozo shrugged. "Whatever man. But you let me know, if you need to talk, I'm here for ya," Ryozo said with a friendly smile and patted Shinji on the shoulder.

Shinji nodded and ran a hand through his hair. "I know you are."

***

Blue eyes stared at a darkened ceiling. He wanted to sleep, he knew he needed to sleep, but found himself fixated on the ceiling above his head.

"Are you up there Kaworu, looking over me, like I'm told angels do? Do you miss me? I do miss you. I hadn't really realized how much I missed you until today," Shinji whispered to the ceiling, hoping that Kaworu would respond, but the room remained silent save for his steady breathing. Shinji sighed and felt his eyelids grow heavy and he drifted into a light sleep.

He woke up the next morning with Ryozo standing above him, shaking him. "You've slept in, man! Wake up, you're gonna be late for work!"

Shinji shot out of bed and ran around frantically trying to get ready, Ryozo following him, handing him clothes, shoes and bits of breakfast.

"Why didn't you wake me up earlier?!" Shinji shot Ryozo an angry look.

"It's not my frickin' job to be your alarm!" Ryozo shot back as he tossed Shinji his sneakers.

Shinji just grumbled and quickly shoved toast down his throat and ran out the door, giving Ryozo a quick wave.

"I'll be home for dinner! It's your turn to cook!" Shinji said as he ran out the door.

His mind was focused sheerly on getting to work and he simply didn't care about who he bumped or was rude to. Shinji ran like mad and was finally able to stumble through the door of the bar/restaurant where he worked. He walked quickly to the break room and quickly clocked in, tied his apron around his waist and assumed his position behind the bar. His boss was standing next to him, glaring at him. Once he had a chance, his boss leaned over and whispered in his ear.
"Ikari, why the hell are you late?"

"I'm sorry, I slept in later than I had meant to," Shinji replied, his head bowed.

His boss tsked lightly, but knew what a hard worker Ikari was, something like this was rare.

"Just don't let it happen again."

"Yes, sir," Shinji said, mindlessly cleaning a glass.

He lost himself in his thoughts for the next couple hours. Being a bartender on a dayshift basically meant he was the waiters' drink bitch. He dutifully served up sodas and waters and the occasional beer. As nobody was sitting at the bar, he was able to keep to himself. He watched as customers came in and sat down. He thought about how different each person's life was. Everybody spoke of people he had never heard of and through tidbits of conversation, he was part of their daily dramas for a fraction of a second.

Before he knew it, he was clocking out and heading towards his apartment. Shinji watched couples that walked hand in hand down the street and found himself intensely jealous of them. He had gone on a few blind dates in his time, but never had a steady girlfriend and until now, he hadn't even considered himself interested in the idea.

Shinji wished for the feeling of someone else's hand in his, the warm feeling of touch. There had a been a time in his life when he had shunned any kind of human contact, but it was as if he was suddenly wishing to make up for lost time. Shinji wanted to get lost in the arms of someone he loved, stare deeply in their eyes, run his fingers through their hair. All those sensations he had felt one time in his life, he wanted them back, more viciously than he ever had.

He found himself lonely and depressed when he unlocked the door to his apartment, which turned out to be empty. He found a plate of food sitting on the counter, with a note from Ryozo.

"Hey Shinji! Going out on a date tonight. Couldn't reach you at work, I'll see you either late tonight or tomorrow morning. Here's some food for you. Later man!" Shinji read the note to himself and put the plate into the microwave.

The feelings of jealousy just increased. Ryozo should be at his home, not running out with some girl. He was Shinji's roommate and friend and it was his job to make Shinji feel better at times like there. Shinji ate quickly and put the plate in the dishwasher. He watched tv for about an hour, then headed into the bathroom to take a bath.

Shinji watched thoughtfully as the hot water filled up the tub and he stripped off his clothes. He slid into the warm water with a deep sigh. The more he thought about it, the more he realized, he wasn't happy with his life. Shinji was fed up with the routine, every day was the exact same, nothing new or exciting ever happened.

Shinji felt stir crazy and bored with his life. He was lonely and unloved. Shinji took a deep breath and pulled his head under the water. He stared up at the ceiling through the water, looking at the distorted light and color. He pulled up, sputtering and wiping the water from his eyes.

"Kaworu, why have things turned out this way?" Shinji asked with a sigh and continued his evening in the normal fashion.