Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Angels of Armageddon ❯ Side Story 2: "Shedding Broken Wings" ( Chapter 8 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: otakusadist 
Anime/Manga: Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Drama / Romance | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 08.29.2001 | Pages: 11 | Words: 6.6K | Visits: 373 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Drama / Romance | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 08.29.2001 | Pages: 11 | Words: 6.6K | Visits: 373 | Status: Completed
DISCLAIMER: The characters, story, universe, etc. of Neon Genesis
Evangelion belong to GAINAX. They're not mine, and I make no claim to
them.
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" " = speech
^ ^ = thoughts
_ _ = italics
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Foreword: This should clear up a few things. However, there are a few
notes I suggest you read:
"rei" is Japanese for "zero". Here, you can assume that if someone
uses "Zero" as a name, they are saying the word Zero, instead of Rei.
The Angels, by number:
1.) Adam 7.) Israfel 13.) Bardiel
2.) Lilith 8.) Sandalphon 14.) Zeruel
3.) Sachiel 9.) Matarael 15.) Arael
4.) Samshel 10.) Sahaquiel 16.) Armisael
5.) Ramiel 11.) Iruel 17.) Tabris
6.) Gaghiel 12.) Leliel
And number 18 is humanity, or Lilum.
OK, I'm through wasting your time. Here we go:
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Angels of Armageddon
Author: Ryan Xavier
Side Story 2: Shedding Broken Wings
In the sea of LCL, a consciousness awoke.
It became aware of its existence, but not much else. It had no
physical form, not anymore. Yet it _was_ capable of remembering its
form. How it had had wings of light, and how it had flown amongst the
stars, untouchable...
Then, with a suddenness that was almost painful, it was snapped into a
type of reality. It found that it had physical form again. Only this
form was different...weaker. It had a thick bulge at its center, from
which four stretched-out, ugly protuberances were attached. All of
these protuberances were bound by some fiber encircling them. The
entity also found it was balanced - precariously so - on the two
thicker of these growths, the pair located at the lower portion of its
body. Surrounding it were flowing blue light, as though the entity was
now underwater. A harsh cold set in, making the entity shiver. The
entity felt some shock at this profoundly new physical sensation, but
the shock was quickly overcome by anger.
"What is this?" the entity asked, furious at being shoved around.
"Who is doing this? Do you know who you're talking to?"
"Of course I know."
The entity looked up at the voice, spotting a young blue-haired, red-
eyed girl, floating in the "water" in front of it. The girl was
naked, yet apparently oblivious to the cold that threatened to freeze
the entity's newfound body solid. Recognition flickered through the
entity's newly-formed eyes. There stood the being that every one of
its kind hated. The fake, the servant of Lilum.
"Zero..." it growled out. "What are you doing? How are you doing
this?"
"The answer is obvious, Fifteenth," came the reply. The girl's gaze
bored into the entity, as though able to see its soul. The frightening
part was that the girl may well have been able to do that.
"You...so you succeeded, Zero. You were able to merge with Mother."
The entity nearly hissed the words. It bristled with hate of the girl
in front of it. The girl that shouldn't have been able to exist...
The girl nodded once. "And it seems you were not destroyed along with
your body. Apparently, even the Angels had souls."
"What are you doing here, Zero?" the entity asked. It had no idea what
the girl meant by "Angels", but at the moment, it didn't care, either.
"I am here to make sure you know your place. You have lost, Fifteenth.
There is no more Adam for you to find. There is not even a body for
you to use to project your AT field."
The entity tested the strength of the bonds holding it down. They were
made of some Lilum contrivance...'rope' was the name, it believed.
The fibers had been twisted into some kind of complicated pattern,
tightly binding its limbs. There was no way it would be able to break
free, not with a body this weak.
"So why restrain me?" it asked.
"To make a point, Fifteenth. To show you that your life no longer has
any bearing on humanity..."
The girl trailed off, although she looked as though she wanted to say
more. Her eyes then widened, and her breath caught. "No..." she
muttered. "Ikari-kun...why...?"
The entity's eyes narrowed as it saw a red gash appear on the girl's
neck, along with an accompanying trickle of blood. ^Something's gone
wrong, hasn't it, Zero?^ the entity thought, spitefully.
"I will return in due time," the girl said. Then, she was gone, her
form dematerializing as though she had never been there.
The entity tested the strength of its bonds again. They were
definitely firm. To boot, they were cutting into it; a burning pain
came from the entity's limbs. That, at least, was a slightly more
familiar sensation; the entity had felt pain before. Pain so extreme,
it was a miracle her mind had not been shattered.
Her?
The entity took that moment to take another look at its current form.
It _did_ look somewhat familiar...
Its curiosity piqued, the entity struggled to remember where it had
seen a form like this before. Finally, it delved into a group of
memories that were not truly its own, but rather had been taken by
force. In these memories lay the answer.
Sure enough, the entity's current body was that of a lilum female. She
was standing on her...legs. She was unclothed, but felt none of the
embarassment a lilum might have; she'd never had to bother with the
crutches the Lilum had created in order to protect their bodies and
supplement their lives.
Rage boiled down in the entity's soul. ^Why, Zero? Why did you have
to give me the form of a _lilum_? Do you enjoy tormenting me?^
She became aware of other voices, murmuring in the background. It was
as though she were hearing them through thick walls. The entity
considered calling out to them, but figured it would be no use. She'd
always relied on herself, anyway.
^Let's see how well Zero has restricted me...^ it thought. It focused
its consciousness, reaching out and calling an AT field into existence.
It reached out with the field, feeling for something it could touch.
As it did this, the entity couldn't shake the feeling that Zero was
watching. Not only that, but that Zero was _letting_ her do this.
The light around the entity changed, going from blue to an impenetrable
black. The temperature dropped precipitously, so much that frost
collected on the entity's hands and feet, no matter how hard she tried
to shake it off. Her teeth chattered and her whole body quivered.
These were again new physical reactions, so startling that the entity
lost its focus for several moments. It tried hard to block them out.
Finally, she found something, something that felt like a chink in a
wall. She shoved her AT field into the 'chink' and expanded it.
As this happened, a hole expanded in front of her, forming a window in
the darkness. Light blazed in, somehow being absorbed by the darkness,
but still blinding the entity as it sat there. The entity cringed in
pain from the brightness.
Through eyes narrowed down to slits, the entity could see half of a
giant head. The head was slowly collapsing, though the crazed - yet at
the same time happy - expression on its face was still clear. It
seemed that its AT field had just not been strong enough. As the
entity saw this, it heard the murmuring of the other voices increase in
intensity.
^So you failed, eh, Zero?^ the entity thought, smirking. ^Couldn't
support what you started?^
The blue-haired girl's voice rang through the darkness, at that point.
"Third Impact has been denied. The only beings able to return to their
original forms are the humans."
^I suppose it _would_ be that way, wouldn't it? And you really _were_
letting me through, weren't you? You want me to see this. Half-lilum
freak...^
"This is the only remaining source of Angel material," the girl
continued. "It is mostly composed of human components, but at its
heart lies the original Adam and Lilith."
The entity's eyes widened. ^Of course...of course, if I use my AT
field, then I could assemble matter into a proper body. And if I could
get material from Father and Mother, I could be what I was...^
"...enough raw material for all of you to return as you were," the girl
continued. The murmuring increased yet again in volume.
"But Ikari-kun has chosen to live without the Angels. Therefore, I
cannot allow you to find a way to return. If possible, I would
obliterate you, as I did Adam and Lilith's souls..."
^Father and Mother...Zero destroyed their _souls_? She is more of a
monster than I would have guessed. And who is this 'Ikari-kun'? It
seems he is a powerful being.^
"But my strength is already failing. So I leave you with this..."
At this, the destruction of the head accelerated a hundredfold. It
collapsed in on itself, as though it were hollow. Its one eyeball fell
out of the socket, melting away almost as soon as it touched the LCL.
The surface of its ruined form bubbled like soup, running off as liquid
and exposing the decaying internals of the head. In moments, it had
completely dissolved.
^No...^ the entity thought, watching helplessly. ^My...my body...^
"You can never return as Angels," the girl finished. "And I cannot let
you harm the humans. So you shall remain bound as you are, sealed in
the Roof of Gauf."
The rope that had been tying the entity down suddenly hardened into
steel. The entity cringed as the stiffer, tighter bonds cut even
deeper into her. Another metal strap materialized, wrapping around the
entity's throat and forcing out a choked cry. A warm trickle could be
felt from her wrists as the skin was cut. Her AT field was crushed,
folding in on itself like a piece of paper, as the bonds took hold.
"Goodbye," the girl said. And like that, the entity felt her presence
leave.
"No..." the entity muttered. "NO!" it shouted a moment later, its
voice echoing into the emptiness. "NO, DON'T DO THIS TO ME! DON'T
LEAVE ME HERE ALL ALONE! DAMN YOU, ZERO!!!!"
As the girl vanished, darkness fell.
And so the entity was left alone.
* * *
Time has no meaning in a sea of LCL, where all is eternal. Perhaps
days passed, perhaps months. The entity had no idea.
Shortly after the girl had left, the whole illusion of being tied up
had vanished, leaving the entity again only aware of its own
consciousness. With some experimentation, it found it was unable to
weaken its AT field and merge fully with the sea of LCL. By the same
token, it could not significantly strengthen the field, either. That
was probably what those bonds had meant.
And so, the entity was alone. At first, it didn't mind. Then, boredom
set it. Boredom so great, there weren't even adjectives to describe
it. There was, quite literally, nothing to do.
At least, for a little while.
The murmuring voices surrounding the entity had not died off once the
illusion of physical form had vanished. They had continued, slowly
eating away at the entity's patience. Finally, if only to reassure
itself that it was still alive, the entity began listening to these
noises. As it began to listen, it found that there were many voices;
millions upon millions of them.
It took time. But then again, the entity had all the time in eternity.
With some practice, it was able to manipulate its AT field _just_
enough to differentiate some voices, filtering out most of the
'background noise' and allowing it to listen in on what was going on.
^Oh, my...^ the entity thought, as it began listening. ^These
are...the Lilum...^
Indeed it was. Human souls surrounded the entity, merged together into
a sea of thought. They swirled like gusts of wind, intertwining with
each other, then pulling apart and becoming linked with others. And
they were all communicating, their very deepest and most private
thoughts laid bare through Third Impact.
Any other time, the entity would have been disgusted to no end. These
pitiful creatures were not worthy of its attention! They had chosen to
create simulations and machines, copies of something much grander than
they were, just so they could continue their useless, short lives.
Those apes, only possessing any _real_ power when they were linked
together, were far below the entity's level, or so it thought.
And for some short time, the entity tuned them out, not wanting to
listen to what it had already concluded would be mindless gibberish.
But then, the boredom threatened to come back.
^I do not wish to lower myself to their level,^ it reasoned, some time
later. ^But if I do not, I will lose my mind, a fate somewhat similar
to death. Though Zero has sentenced me to exist in this void, I do not
wish for death...not yet, anyway...^
It finally swallowed its pride and began to listen. And listen it did.
Moment after moment, hordes of souls shot by. Most didn't stay for
very long. But during their short stays near the entity, their
'mindless gibberish' told the story of whole lifetimes.
The entity hated to admit it, even to itself, but it found these
stories quite interesting. It had always been intrigued by the
workings of the lilum mind. Not out of interest in joining them, but
more the kind of interest a scientist exhibits towards strains of
bacteria.
Indeed, when it had been unfettered by these bonds, and possessed a
body worthy of its power, the entity had been capable of cutting into a
lilum mind with almost no effort at all. It had been able to sift
through a lilum's thoughts, dredging up memories long repressed, as
easily as though they had already been set out for the world to see.
Now, however, the minds of the Lilum held a new interest for the
entity.
^It seems I've gained free will,^ it reasoned, quickly. ^My actions
are now under my own control. There is no longer any driving force
behind everything I do. So...I have gained what only one of us before
was able to acheive. An accomplishment, I assume. Yet I cannot _use_
this free will. I feel so angry...
^Then again, the whole _concept_ of me being angry...is odd,^ it
thought, a moment later. ^But I was definitely angry at Zero. And I
was...excited...to think about returning, gaining back what I'd lost.
What are these? Emotions...that is what Lilum call them. Zero, what
did you do to me?
^Or did Zero do anything? Did she instead _release_ bonds that were on
my soul? The unification _was_ meant to break all barriers...^
Time passed, as the entity thought this over. It spent much time
thinking things through, but it spent even more time listening.
Although the Lilum were weak beings, they _did_ know more about free
will and emotions than the entity did. Perhaps, with some patience,
information could be obtained from the stories they were telling.
It was difficult to listen, even after it had decided that it was
necessary. It was very hard to even _understand_ the Lilum most of the
time, since they often talked of things the entity had never heard of
before. All their unholy contrivances, falling under the blanket name
"technology" were beyond its comprehension. The entity had always
relied on itself, and nothing more. The whole concept of relying on
something else - and a non-living machine at that - was an alien idea.
It often had to resort to going through the memories it had glimpsed in
the lilum girl. That girl had seen many instances of this
"technology", and had in fact played a leading role in controlling one
particularly powerful machine. A machine that the entity had truly
feared, even when it had been at full power.
^Artificial human Evangelion...^ it thought, going over the name.
^What does 'artificial' mean? What is a 'human'? So much to learn...^
And so it listened to the passing souls, gleaning what information it
could from what they told. But in listening, it also heard the stories
of their lives. Stories of sadness, abandonment, hope, love,
friendship, fear...
^So many names...and so many emotions...many of which the Lilum
_themselves_ do not understand. I am definitely going to be busy for a
while.^ It felt some satisfaction from this; at least it wouldn't be
bored again.
* * *
Over time, the entity's worst fears began to come true: it began to
sympathize with the Lilum. As it listened to their lives, and began to
understand its own emotions, it started to feel a sort of kinship with
the small, weak creatures. At some point, the lab specimen had become
a true companion, if only by necessity.
^I suppose, when reduced to pure souls, there is no true difference
between myself and the Lilum. Perhaps that is why Zero put me in a
lilum form when she spoke to me. Though I continue to hate her for
doing that to me, I can still see why.^
And every once in a while it had gained some information about what the
Lilum had thought of its kind, of these 'Angels'. In every million or
so souls, one would turn up that knew of a collection of lilums called
"NERV", which had somehow been associated with these "Evas" capable of
destroying beings such as the entity that listened now.
^Angels, hm? Was I a messenger of some higher power, an emissary from
some...what was the word...'God'? I do not know if that was the case.
They thought I was a _test_? My, my. The Lilum truly were haughty,
weren't they? Nearly as haughty as _I_ was, when I was at full
strength. We are very much alike, aren't we?^
But the most disturbing point of all was not the similarity between the
entity and the Lilum, but rather the similarities between many of the
Lilum souls. Each soul had a certain 'flavor', describing its
feelings. Many of the souls felt contented, relaxing in the perfect
bliss of their perfect dreams. But many more had an underlying tone
of...regret, and violation.
^They...do not enjoy being unified with Father and Mother? This is
where we diverge, it seems. My whole guiding principle in life was to
join with Father. But the Lilum...are refusing this unification.^
And it was true. Over the endless span of time, the entity had seen
many of the lilum souls activate their AT fields, winking out of its
field of perception as they left the common consciousness. It was an
interesting thing to study, and so the entity paid close attention to
what the souls were thinking, as it tried to find an answer. Finally,
it hit upon the reason.
^The Lilum prefer their individuality...how interesting. They _want_
to have some space, and some thoughts, that are their own, and no one
else's. They wish to have secrets, so that no one can find their true
nature. And they feel violated when these secrets are revealed?
Shock hit the entity's consciousness as it realized something.
^Oh, my...^ it thought. ^Was that not what I did to the lilum girl? I
was interested in how her mind worked, and so I went down into it. And
I saw everything, all the secrets she didn't want anyone else to know.
That _would_ explain the sensations of pain and desperation she was
giving off, while I looked...^
It thought the situation over. ^Perhaps I could find her, to see how
she is doing now. But that would be like picking out a single star
from the sky. How would I find her? Perhaps if I could recall her
name. Yet that one datum has escaped me. How ironic.
^And yet why am I suddenly interested in finding her? I know there is
more than enough for me to see, just watching the Lilum here. Yet,
there is some new feeling in my soul. This feeling...guilt? Do I feel
guilty?^
It thought about this for what could have been an eternity.
^Yes...I suppose I do...^
* * *
Over time, the sea of LCL shrank. The entity could feel it, each time
another human found the will to leave. It was painful to feel this,
knowing that it could not return, but that Lilum could. Yet at the
same time, it felt some small degree of contentment. These beings,
which it had begun to see as its younger siblings, were able to leave
this abyss, and return to the world. Of course, that small comfort did
not keep the entity from feeling jealous.
Yet also with the reduction of size, the bonds that had been holding
the entity weakened. Every time the entity tried, it could control its
AT field a little more easily. The entity was sure that, if this went
on, it would eventually be able to tear free of the bonds.
But what then? The entity didn't know; it knew returning was out of
the question, and it no longer had the desire to kill humans. But it
still wanted freedom.
^Maybe...maybe I can join the sea of souls and find that lilum
girl...the one I attacked. But what would I say? 'Sorry I raped your
mind'? No, that wouldn't even _begin_ to remedy the situation...maybe
I should just tell her how my emotions are developing, and how I feel
guilt now when I couldn't before. If only I could remember her name!^
Even as these thoughts went through its mind, the entity became aware
of a shift in the very nature of the sea. _Something_ happened, but it
wasn't sure what. It felt as though its very soul was twisted into a
knot, then quickly snapped back to normal. The entity was left
disoriented and confused.
It was then that the entity noticed the bonds holding it had abruptly
evaporated.
It moved around, slowly at first, then more confidently, seeing that,
sure enough, it was finally free. It wanted to scream with happiness.
After so long, it was free!
^Greetings, Arael.^
The entity froze. It refocused itself, turning its attention on what
had spoken. It was another entity, another singular consciousness in
the sea of souls...
^What did you call me?^ the first entity asked. That name sounded
vaguely familiar...perhaps the lilum girl had known something about it.
But she was currently too excited by the concept of interaction with
another being, after so long a span of solitude, to think about where
names had come from.
^I called you by your given name, Arael. My apologies. I am
Armisael.^ As the other voice spoke, Arael became aware that this
Armisael's voice was utterly genderless. But even as she realized
this, Armisael began to leave.
^Wait. Let me accompany you,^ Arael called out after it, following.
Desperation - another new sensation - had built up in her at the
concept of being abandoned again. She knew that, for better or worse,
she _had_ to follow this other soul.
^Where did you get those names?^ Arael asked, after a while.
Armisael gave off the mental equivalent of a shrug. ^Another one of
us claims he was able to enter into a...what did he call it? Some
abomination of the Lilum, a mind without a soul. I believe he called
it a...com-pu-ter, or some such nonsense. And in it were names for all
of us. Do you mind?^
^...no...^ Arael said, hesitantly. ^I suppose it is better than saying
'hey you'.^
Aramisael chuckled in the void. ^Yes, I suppose so.^
^Wait..._us_? Who is us? Do you mean...^
^The other twelve, of course. You _have_ heard the Lilum speaking of
us as 'Angels', correct?^
^Of course. So...they were all here? Why didn't you seek me out
earlier? You seemed to have an easy enough time doing it, just now.^
^Arael, if I could have, I would have, believe me. If only to have a
companion other than those irritating Lilum. But we have only just now
been released.^
^So you were unable to...I see. Why were we released?^
Aramisael stopped short, leaving Arael to refocus her attention on it.
^Were you unable to feel it?^ Armisael asked. ^Zero and Tabris have
left the sea of LCL.^
A deathly silence followed these words. ^What?^ Arael asked after a
long while, breaking that silence. She was unfamiliar with the name
"Tabris" but she knew full well who Zero was. Zero, the only being
Arael had not come to be at least a _little_ more accepting of during
her time of imprisonment.
^Ah, yes. Tabris was the last of us. You should have some
recollection of him,^ Armisael said, cooly.
Arael thought about it for a moment, then growled out an affirmative.
There was no love lost between her and Tabris; he was as much of an
outcast as Zero, in her mind. He'd been able to keep his free will,
and even his ability to feel emotion. Not only that, but he'd
_willingly_ taken the form of a lilum, while at the same time
maintaining his powers as an Angel. The only reason she didn't hate
him as much as Zero was that _he_ hadn't sealed her away, leaving her
totally alone and abandoned.
^In any case, they have taken bodies,^ Armisael continued. ^They left
the sea of LCL, just as the Lilum have been doing.^
Arael backed off, unable to believe it. She had a million questions to
ask. First and foremost was: why oh why did _those_ two have to be the
ones that figured it out?
Arael took a moment to compose herself. ^Interesting,^ she thought-
muttered to Armisael. ^Though of the group of us, I would have
guessed those two would have been the ones to determine how to return.^
Armisael replied with an affirmative thought, the mental equivalent of
a nod. ^The Angels that degraded their heritage, taking the form of
Lilum instead of something...stronger,^ it said, as though repeating
something for the nth time. Arael reasoned that this was something
Armisael had spent a lot of time thinking about this, during its period
of isolation.
Arael perked up as a thought hit her. ^Of course...of course, that's
what we've been missing! Aramisael, we may actually be able to go
back, ourselves!^
^Because Third Impact was both commenced and ended by Lilum,^
Aramisael said, keeping its voice cool, ^then that is the only form a
soul can take as it returns to the physical world.^
Arael gave another mental nod. ^Yes...but _we_ have souls. That means
that perhaps _we_ can return that way, as well.^
Aramisael mentally snorted. ^As lilum? Don't make me laugh. Even if
we could, why should we?^
^I have...had some time to think things through,^ Arael responded.
^And I've been listening to the Lilum. Have you not been able to feel
it? How, though we had different bodies, we and the Lilum are actually
quite similar?^
The sound of thought-laughter filled Arael's mind. It was a chilling,
mirthless laugh, one that came from a mind dwelling on hate and
prejudice.
^We and the Lilum are similar?^ Armisael asked, after it had calmed
itself. ^I believe the time alone has affected your mental stability,
Arael.^
^Or maybe I am the sane one. You just have to listen, Armisael.^
^Hah. I do not listen to those vermin. They can only speak of how
they 'feel' and how they are constantly wishing for better things.
They are never satisfied!^
^Listen to yourself,^ Arael shot back. ^You couldn't even understand
the word 'feel' before you came here. Are you denying what you are?^
^I am an Angel,^ Armisael replied, adamantly. ^I am a being of
absolute power. I was, and still am, superior to the Lilum in every
possible way. I do not trifle with these 'emotions', if I can help it.^
^Yet you lost to these inferior beings. Yes, they could only win by
copying Father and Mother, but they won, nontheless...^
She trailed off as she felt something grabbing at her. Something...was
eating through her AT field, touching her very soul. Arael drew back
and strengthened her field, pushing out the intruder. ^What are you
doing?^ she thought-yelled at Aramisael. ^How did you do that?^
Aramisael snorted. ^Just a trick I learned with an AT field. You
should speak with Ramiel. And Sandalphon, too. Your ramblings remind
me of what they think of our situation. I believe they both feel this
"guilt" at what they did. But leave the rest of us alone with your
concept of becoming like Lilum.^ If Armisael had had a mouth, it would
have spat out those last words. It began to drift away, heading for
another location.
^So you would stay here, then?^ Arael asked, following closely. ^You
would choose to stay in...in..._limbo_, as long as it meant deluding
yourself into thinking you are still an Angel? Armisael, we _can't_
return that way - ^
^Much to the contrary,^ Aramisael cut in. ^Zero and Tabris were able
to.^
^...what?^ Arael asked, quietly, after a long silence.
^They may have left the sea of LCL, but are not like the Lilum, Arael.
Somewhere, they found raw materials. Pieces of Adam and Lilith.^
Arael was shocked speechless. ^But..but Father and Mother were both
destroyed. I saw it happen...^ she mumbled after a long silence.
^You need not bother with the honoraries,^ Armisael corrected. ^Adam
and Lilith are gone. But whether they should have been able to or not,
Zero and Tabris _did_ find materials. We are currently trying to find
out how they did it.^
^So...you want to become Angels again?^
^Of course. It is a better choice than taking the pitifully weak forms
of the Lilum.^
^Armisael...that is insane. We failed as Angels. Even if we _could_
do it again, we _shouldn't_.^
Aramisael said nothing, but remained there.
^You...you just want power!^ Arael said, realizing it for the first
time. ^Can you not see that? You just want power so you can feel
better! So you can feel like you're worth something! But I...it's not
worth it!^
Armisael remained silent as Arael continued on, saying how it was wrong
to do what they were trying to do. After Arael had finished, an
uncomfortable silence fell on the pair of souls.
^You sound like Zero, speaking like that,^ Aramisael finally stated,
breaking the silence. ^Perhaps you deserve to return as a..._human_.^
Arael just stayed there, thinking and wishing with all of her newfound
heart that she didn't have to deal with this madness. After a brief
moment, Armisael snorted and vanished, going off to work with the
others.
* * *
After a time, Arael finally found the others. They all had strange
names, most of which ended in '-el'. But she didn't care; as she'd
said, it was easier than saying 'hey you'.
Among them, she _did_ find the ones who agreed with them: Ramiel and
Sandalphon. They both also regretted their actions as Angels. Like
the others, they'd been drunk with the power their forms had posessed.
Power enough to destroy nearly anything.
Power that hadn't been able to save them.
The other former Angels didn't care about the past. They were too busy
thinking about the possibilities of the future. They worked madly,
trying to figure out how Zero and Tabris had been able to acheive what
they did. Finally, one of them came across the solution.
The MP Evas. None of them had ever given any thought to using those
creations of Lilum, since each carried a clone of the being that had
tried to seal them away for all eternity. But, with the new
opportunities these machines presented, the former Angels were willing
to put their prejudices aside. In addition, it was discovered that,
although the clones had minds that were copies of Zero's, they all
harbored some resentment towards the original Zero. This was perfectly
acceptable, at least for the Angels.
Through it all, Arael just watched. The thought of regaining her old
power was intoxicating, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. All
she'd be able to do with it is hurt the Lilum, and after spending so
much time listening to them, she found that she was averse to harming
them. She couldn't believe that now, these idiots, who'd been through
the same imprisonment she'd had, had not listened to the Lilum. Some
of them were outright insane, she was sure. And they all wanted their
old power back.
Not only that, but they wanted it for a plan as simple as _revenge_.
Taking the power of Angels and using it against the Lilum, who didn't
even have their Evas anymore. It was the pinnacle of cowardice, but
none of them acknowledged it. They just wanted to be strong again.
She _felt_ it as one of the MP Evas reactivated, with an Angel soul
inside. If Arael had had eyes, she would have cried. But she was
unable to. All she could do was contemplate how her feelings seemed
genuine. And how this truly felt wrong.
* * *
Some indefinite measure of time later, Arael was again waiting, away
from everyone and not wanting to talk to them. She'd just had a rather
disappointing conversation with Ramiel and Sandalphon. They were
intrigued by the idea of taking lilum bodies, but they definitely
weren't going to be the first ones to try. There was too much danger
of being obliterated, of having your very essence dissipated.
She wished she could leave. A part of her truly wanted to go, to see
if it really was possible to take the form of a lilum. But another
part of her was adamant about staying. If she left, she would be
abandoning the only beings she felt were truly her equals, and possibly
even her friends. And she would also be giving credence to Zero,
admitting that she could no longer be an Angel.
As she was brooding, Armisael approached her.
^What do you want?^ Arael asked, annoyed.
^I suppose you know what happened,^ Armisael said.
^Sahaquiel...^ Arael thought, quietly. ^He's dead, isn't he?^
^Obliterated,^ Armisael corrected. ^The Eva he took was destroyed,
and his soul has not returned to the sea of LCL. I can only assume he
met the same fate as Adam.^
Arael sighed. ^What a fool...^ she thought.
^Bardiel left, some short time ago,^ Armisael added on, offhandedly.
Arael perked up, turning her full attention on Armisael. ^What?
But...they were told to leave at the same time.^ It had been a fairly
good plan: operating individually had not worked against the Lilum
before, so they'd decided to send out two at once, just in case.
Armisael laughed, a cold, hollow sound in the void. ^I suppose so.
But leave it to Sahaquiel to get too excited. You know, all you have
to do is tell someone a _slightly_ different schedule, and they run
right off without even checking to see if you are right.^
Arael stared at Armisael. ^You...did you do it? Did you make
Sahaquiel leave before Bardiel was ready?^
^Maybe,^ Armisael replied, the duality quite evident in its voice.
^But...but why? You've just let one of your friends be utterly
destroyed, and with him, one of the few chances you have of getting
back what you lost.^ She made those last words sound more like a curse
than a simple statement.
Armisael laughed again. ^One of them, yes. There are still a few
left to get rid of.^
Arael paused, thinking that through. Her hopes began to rise as she
came to what felt like a good conclusion. ^Then...then you want to
destroy the Evas? Really? You want to _keep_ them from getting back
their power, so you make sure the Evas themselves are killed, and...by
the way, how _did_ Sahaquiel fail, anyway?^
Armisael was still chuckling. ^The Lilum are more resourceful than
we had wagered. And they have Zero and Tabris to help them. As for
the Evas...that is just too simple a thought, Arael. Who said I wanted
to destroy _all_ of them?^
As she realized the meaning of these words, a cold feeling sank into
Arael. It was, in fact, worse than what she'd felt while speaking with
Zero. This cold could reach her, even when she no longer had a body.
And it reached all the way to her soul, threatening to freeze her to
death.
^...What?^
^Can you not feel it, Arael? Every one of those Evas that is destroyed
adds power to the remaining ones. All I need to do is make sure all
but one is destroyed, before I return to the world.^
^You...what? You would condemn your friends to death? Just so you
could be the strongest, when you take your revenge?^
^Heh.^ Aramisael leaned in close to Arael. ^Revenge has nothing to do
with it, Arael. These fools believe they can justify their existences
by striking at the Lilum. None of them have the slightest idea of the
power the one survivor will hold. Power beyond that of any Angel,
Arael.^ It paused, letting that sink in, before it continued. ^And
yes, power of that magnitude is more than enough to justify the
others' sacrifices.^
Arael drew back, putting distance between herself and Armisael. Her
mind blanked, as she tried to block out what she was hearing.
^I suppose you could try to stop me, could you not?^ Armisael
continued. ^I suppose you could tell the others, if you think they
will even listen to you. And there are still a few Evas left. You
could back up Bardiel. I believe that he is losing...^ Aramisael added
on, suggestively.
Even though she'd been through this argument with herself already,
Arael found herself considering it again. Getting the strength
back...the ability to kill or subjugate the Lilum as she chose...the
ability to gain vengeance on that species that had only beaten her
because it had cheated...
And then she remembered the lilum girl's scream. She finally
remembered something that she'd been struggling to remember this whole
time.
The girl...her name had been...Asuka...
^No,^ Arael replied. ^You can have your Evas, and your stolen power,
Armisael. I do not want any part of it.^
Armisael thought-snorted. ^Then what will you do?^
Arael mentally smiled. ^Goodbye, Armisael.^
She'd finally made her decision. Armisael, though disagreeable, she'd
thought would at least be someone she could trust. And now it had just
shown that to be otherwise. With that breach of trust, Arael suddenly
felt like leaving was the best option, risky or not.
She closed her AT field around herself, strengthening it as far as
she'd dared go up until now.
^Ramiel, Sandalphon...^ she thought, hoping they'd pick up her message.
^Goodbye.^
She strengthened it further. And further. A feeling of protection, of
security, settled into her. It was familiar, yet at the same time
different from the last time...
Armisael laughed, though the noise was already fading in Arael's mind.
^Very well,^ it said to her. ^Enjoy the company of your new friends
then, deserter.^
Arael didn't listen. She didn't want to. Even as she tuned him out,
she felt mass coming into her. Then she felt her body taking shape
around her. She mentally smiled again.
^This had better be worth it,^ she thought, just before her
consciousness was snapped fully into the newly-formed body.
SPLASH.
------------------------------------------- ----------------------------
Started: May 10, 2001
Ended: June 13, 2001
As always, thank you, Avatar of Dragonia, Heavyarms Kai, and Judging
Eagle for prereading this for me.
Evangelion belong to GAINAX. They're not mine, and I make no claim to
them.
----------------------------------------------------- ------------------
" " = speech
^ ^ = thoughts
_ _ = italics
---------------------------------------------------------- -------------
Foreword: This should clear up a few things. However, there are a few
notes I suggest you read:
"rei" is Japanese for "zero". Here, you can assume that if someone
uses "Zero" as a name, they are saying the word Zero, instead of Rei.
The Angels, by number:
1.) Adam 7.) Israfel 13.) Bardiel
2.) Lilith 8.) Sandalphon 14.) Zeruel
3.) Sachiel 9.) Matarael 15.) Arael
4.) Samshel 10.) Sahaquiel 16.) Armisael
5.) Ramiel 11.) Iruel 17.) Tabris
6.) Gaghiel 12.) Leliel
And number 18 is humanity, or Lilum.
OK, I'm through wasting your time. Here we go:
-------------------------------------------------------------- ---------
Angels of Armageddon
Author: Ryan Xavier
Side Story 2: Shedding Broken Wings
In the sea of LCL, a consciousness awoke.
It became aware of its existence, but not much else. It had no
physical form, not anymore. Yet it _was_ capable of remembering its
form. How it had had wings of light, and how it had flown amongst the
stars, untouchable...
Then, with a suddenness that was almost painful, it was snapped into a
type of reality. It found that it had physical form again. Only this
form was different...weaker. It had a thick bulge at its center, from
which four stretched-out, ugly protuberances were attached. All of
these protuberances were bound by some fiber encircling them. The
entity also found it was balanced - precariously so - on the two
thicker of these growths, the pair located at the lower portion of its
body. Surrounding it were flowing blue light, as though the entity was
now underwater. A harsh cold set in, making the entity shiver. The
entity felt some shock at this profoundly new physical sensation, but
the shock was quickly overcome by anger.
"What is this?" the entity asked, furious at being shoved around.
"Who is doing this? Do you know who you're talking to?"
"Of course I know."
The entity looked up at the voice, spotting a young blue-haired, red-
eyed girl, floating in the "water" in front of it. The girl was
naked, yet apparently oblivious to the cold that threatened to freeze
the entity's newfound body solid. Recognition flickered through the
entity's newly-formed eyes. There stood the being that every one of
its kind hated. The fake, the servant of Lilum.
"Zero..." it growled out. "What are you doing? How are you doing
this?"
"The answer is obvious, Fifteenth," came the reply. The girl's gaze
bored into the entity, as though able to see its soul. The frightening
part was that the girl may well have been able to do that.
"You...so you succeeded, Zero. You were able to merge with Mother."
The entity nearly hissed the words. It bristled with hate of the girl
in front of it. The girl that shouldn't have been able to exist...
The girl nodded once. "And it seems you were not destroyed along with
your body. Apparently, even the Angels had souls."
"What are you doing here, Zero?" the entity asked. It had no idea what
the girl meant by "Angels", but at the moment, it didn't care, either.
"I am here to make sure you know your place. You have lost, Fifteenth.
There is no more Adam for you to find. There is not even a body for
you to use to project your AT field."
The entity tested the strength of the bonds holding it down. They were
made of some Lilum contrivance...'rope' was the name, it believed.
The fibers had been twisted into some kind of complicated pattern,
tightly binding its limbs. There was no way it would be able to break
free, not with a body this weak.
"So why restrain me?" it asked.
"To make a point, Fifteenth. To show you that your life no longer has
any bearing on humanity..."
The girl trailed off, although she looked as though she wanted to say
more. Her eyes then widened, and her breath caught. "No..." she
muttered. "Ikari-kun...why...?"
The entity's eyes narrowed as it saw a red gash appear on the girl's
neck, along with an accompanying trickle of blood. ^Something's gone
wrong, hasn't it, Zero?^ the entity thought, spitefully.
"I will return in due time," the girl said. Then, she was gone, her
form dematerializing as though she had never been there.
The entity tested the strength of its bonds again. They were
definitely firm. To boot, they were cutting into it; a burning pain
came from the entity's limbs. That, at least, was a slightly more
familiar sensation; the entity had felt pain before. Pain so extreme,
it was a miracle her mind had not been shattered.
Her?
The entity took that moment to take another look at its current form.
It _did_ look somewhat familiar...
Its curiosity piqued, the entity struggled to remember where it had
seen a form like this before. Finally, it delved into a group of
memories that were not truly its own, but rather had been taken by
force. In these memories lay the answer.
Sure enough, the entity's current body was that of a lilum female. She
was standing on her...legs. She was unclothed, but felt none of the
embarassment a lilum might have; she'd never had to bother with the
crutches the Lilum had created in order to protect their bodies and
supplement their lives.
Rage boiled down in the entity's soul. ^Why, Zero? Why did you have
to give me the form of a _lilum_? Do you enjoy tormenting me?^
She became aware of other voices, murmuring in the background. It was
as though she were hearing them through thick walls. The entity
considered calling out to them, but figured it would be no use. She'd
always relied on herself, anyway.
^Let's see how well Zero has restricted me...^ it thought. It focused
its consciousness, reaching out and calling an AT field into existence.
It reached out with the field, feeling for something it could touch.
As it did this, the entity couldn't shake the feeling that Zero was
watching. Not only that, but that Zero was _letting_ her do this.
The light around the entity changed, going from blue to an impenetrable
black. The temperature dropped precipitously, so much that frost
collected on the entity's hands and feet, no matter how hard she tried
to shake it off. Her teeth chattered and her whole body quivered.
These were again new physical reactions, so startling that the entity
lost its focus for several moments. It tried hard to block them out.
Finally, she found something, something that felt like a chink in a
wall. She shoved her AT field into the 'chink' and expanded it.
As this happened, a hole expanded in front of her, forming a window in
the darkness. Light blazed in, somehow being absorbed by the darkness,
but still blinding the entity as it sat there. The entity cringed in
pain from the brightness.
Through eyes narrowed down to slits, the entity could see half of a
giant head. The head was slowly collapsing, though the crazed - yet at
the same time happy - expression on its face was still clear. It
seemed that its AT field had just not been strong enough. As the
entity saw this, it heard the murmuring of the other voices increase in
intensity.
^So you failed, eh, Zero?^ the entity thought, smirking. ^Couldn't
support what you started?^
The blue-haired girl's voice rang through the darkness, at that point.
"Third Impact has been denied. The only beings able to return to their
original forms are the humans."
^I suppose it _would_ be that way, wouldn't it? And you really _were_
letting me through, weren't you? You want me to see this. Half-lilum
freak...^
"This is the only remaining source of Angel material," the girl
continued. "It is mostly composed of human components, but at its
heart lies the original Adam and Lilith."
The entity's eyes widened. ^Of course...of course, if I use my AT
field, then I could assemble matter into a proper body. And if I could
get material from Father and Mother, I could be what I was...^
"...enough raw material for all of you to return as you were," the girl
continued. The murmuring increased yet again in volume.
"But Ikari-kun has chosen to live without the Angels. Therefore, I
cannot allow you to find a way to return. If possible, I would
obliterate you, as I did Adam and Lilith's souls..."
^Father and Mother...Zero destroyed their _souls_? She is more of a
monster than I would have guessed. And who is this 'Ikari-kun'? It
seems he is a powerful being.^
"But my strength is already failing. So I leave you with this..."
At this, the destruction of the head accelerated a hundredfold. It
collapsed in on itself, as though it were hollow. Its one eyeball fell
out of the socket, melting away almost as soon as it touched the LCL.
The surface of its ruined form bubbled like soup, running off as liquid
and exposing the decaying internals of the head. In moments, it had
completely dissolved.
^No...^ the entity thought, watching helplessly. ^My...my body...^
"You can never return as Angels," the girl finished. "And I cannot let
you harm the humans. So you shall remain bound as you are, sealed in
the Roof of Gauf."
The rope that had been tying the entity down suddenly hardened into
steel. The entity cringed as the stiffer, tighter bonds cut even
deeper into her. Another metal strap materialized, wrapping around the
entity's throat and forcing out a choked cry. A warm trickle could be
felt from her wrists as the skin was cut. Her AT field was crushed,
folding in on itself like a piece of paper, as the bonds took hold.
"Goodbye," the girl said. And like that, the entity felt her presence
leave.
"No..." the entity muttered. "NO!" it shouted a moment later, its
voice echoing into the emptiness. "NO, DON'T DO THIS TO ME! DON'T
LEAVE ME HERE ALL ALONE! DAMN YOU, ZERO!!!!"
As the girl vanished, darkness fell.
And so the entity was left alone.
* * *
Time has no meaning in a sea of LCL, where all is eternal. Perhaps
days passed, perhaps months. The entity had no idea.
Shortly after the girl had left, the whole illusion of being tied up
had vanished, leaving the entity again only aware of its own
consciousness. With some experimentation, it found it was unable to
weaken its AT field and merge fully with the sea of LCL. By the same
token, it could not significantly strengthen the field, either. That
was probably what those bonds had meant.
And so, the entity was alone. At first, it didn't mind. Then, boredom
set it. Boredom so great, there weren't even adjectives to describe
it. There was, quite literally, nothing to do.
At least, for a little while.
The murmuring voices surrounding the entity had not died off once the
illusion of physical form had vanished. They had continued, slowly
eating away at the entity's patience. Finally, if only to reassure
itself that it was still alive, the entity began listening to these
noises. As it began to listen, it found that there were many voices;
millions upon millions of them.
It took time. But then again, the entity had all the time in eternity.
With some practice, it was able to manipulate its AT field _just_
enough to differentiate some voices, filtering out most of the
'background noise' and allowing it to listen in on what was going on.
^Oh, my...^ the entity thought, as it began listening. ^These
are...the Lilum...^
Indeed it was. Human souls surrounded the entity, merged together into
a sea of thought. They swirled like gusts of wind, intertwining with
each other, then pulling apart and becoming linked with others. And
they were all communicating, their very deepest and most private
thoughts laid bare through Third Impact.
Any other time, the entity would have been disgusted to no end. These
pitiful creatures were not worthy of its attention! They had chosen to
create simulations and machines, copies of something much grander than
they were, just so they could continue their useless, short lives.
Those apes, only possessing any _real_ power when they were linked
together, were far below the entity's level, or so it thought.
And for some short time, the entity tuned them out, not wanting to
listen to what it had already concluded would be mindless gibberish.
But then, the boredom threatened to come back.
^I do not wish to lower myself to their level,^ it reasoned, some time
later. ^But if I do not, I will lose my mind, a fate somewhat similar
to death. Though Zero has sentenced me to exist in this void, I do not
wish for death...not yet, anyway...^
It finally swallowed its pride and began to listen. And listen it did.
Moment after moment, hordes of souls shot by. Most didn't stay for
very long. But during their short stays near the entity, their
'mindless gibberish' told the story of whole lifetimes.
The entity hated to admit it, even to itself, but it found these
stories quite interesting. It had always been intrigued by the
workings of the lilum mind. Not out of interest in joining them, but
more the kind of interest a scientist exhibits towards strains of
bacteria.
Indeed, when it had been unfettered by these bonds, and possessed a
body worthy of its power, the entity had been capable of cutting into a
lilum mind with almost no effort at all. It had been able to sift
through a lilum's thoughts, dredging up memories long repressed, as
easily as though they had already been set out for the world to see.
Now, however, the minds of the Lilum held a new interest for the
entity.
^It seems I've gained free will,^ it reasoned, quickly. ^My actions
are now under my own control. There is no longer any driving force
behind everything I do. So...I have gained what only one of us before
was able to acheive. An accomplishment, I assume. Yet I cannot _use_
this free will. I feel so angry...
^Then again, the whole _concept_ of me being angry...is odd,^ it
thought, a moment later. ^But I was definitely angry at Zero. And I
was...excited...to think about returning, gaining back what I'd lost.
What are these? Emotions...that is what Lilum call them. Zero, what
did you do to me?
^Or did Zero do anything? Did she instead _release_ bonds that were on
my soul? The unification _was_ meant to break all barriers...^
Time passed, as the entity thought this over. It spent much time
thinking things through, but it spent even more time listening.
Although the Lilum were weak beings, they _did_ know more about free
will and emotions than the entity did. Perhaps, with some patience,
information could be obtained from the stories they were telling.
It was difficult to listen, even after it had decided that it was
necessary. It was very hard to even _understand_ the Lilum most of the
time, since they often talked of things the entity had never heard of
before. All their unholy contrivances, falling under the blanket name
"technology" were beyond its comprehension. The entity had always
relied on itself, and nothing more. The whole concept of relying on
something else - and a non-living machine at that - was an alien idea.
It often had to resort to going through the memories it had glimpsed in
the lilum girl. That girl had seen many instances of this
"technology", and had in fact played a leading role in controlling one
particularly powerful machine. A machine that the entity had truly
feared, even when it had been at full power.
^Artificial human Evangelion...^ it thought, going over the name.
^What does 'artificial' mean? What is a 'human'? So much to learn...^
And so it listened to the passing souls, gleaning what information it
could from what they told. But in listening, it also heard the stories
of their lives. Stories of sadness, abandonment, hope, love,
friendship, fear...
^So many names...and so many emotions...many of which the Lilum
_themselves_ do not understand. I am definitely going to be busy for a
while.^ It felt some satisfaction from this; at least it wouldn't be
bored again.
* * *
Over time, the entity's worst fears began to come true: it began to
sympathize with the Lilum. As it listened to their lives, and began to
understand its own emotions, it started to feel a sort of kinship with
the small, weak creatures. At some point, the lab specimen had become
a true companion, if only by necessity.
^I suppose, when reduced to pure souls, there is no true difference
between myself and the Lilum. Perhaps that is why Zero put me in a
lilum form when she spoke to me. Though I continue to hate her for
doing that to me, I can still see why.^
And every once in a while it had gained some information about what the
Lilum had thought of its kind, of these 'Angels'. In every million or
so souls, one would turn up that knew of a collection of lilums called
"NERV", which had somehow been associated with these "Evas" capable of
destroying beings such as the entity that listened now.
^Angels, hm? Was I a messenger of some higher power, an emissary from
some...what was the word...'God'? I do not know if that was the case.
They thought I was a _test_? My, my. The Lilum truly were haughty,
weren't they? Nearly as haughty as _I_ was, when I was at full
strength. We are very much alike, aren't we?^
But the most disturbing point of all was not the similarity between the
entity and the Lilum, but rather the similarities between many of the
Lilum souls. Each soul had a certain 'flavor', describing its
feelings. Many of the souls felt contented, relaxing in the perfect
bliss of their perfect dreams. But many more had an underlying tone
of...regret, and violation.
^They...do not enjoy being unified with Father and Mother? This is
where we diverge, it seems. My whole guiding principle in life was to
join with Father. But the Lilum...are refusing this unification.^
And it was true. Over the endless span of time, the entity had seen
many of the lilum souls activate their AT fields, winking out of its
field of perception as they left the common consciousness. It was an
interesting thing to study, and so the entity paid close attention to
what the souls were thinking, as it tried to find an answer. Finally,
it hit upon the reason.
^The Lilum prefer their individuality...how interesting. They _want_
to have some space, and some thoughts, that are their own, and no one
else's. They wish to have secrets, so that no one can find their true
nature. And they feel violated when these secrets are revealed?
Shock hit the entity's consciousness as it realized something.
^Oh, my...^ it thought. ^Was that not what I did to the lilum girl? I
was interested in how her mind worked, and so I went down into it. And
I saw everything, all the secrets she didn't want anyone else to know.
That _would_ explain the sensations of pain and desperation she was
giving off, while I looked...^
It thought the situation over. ^Perhaps I could find her, to see how
she is doing now. But that would be like picking out a single star
from the sky. How would I find her? Perhaps if I could recall her
name. Yet that one datum has escaped me. How ironic.
^And yet why am I suddenly interested in finding her? I know there is
more than enough for me to see, just watching the Lilum here. Yet,
there is some new feeling in my soul. This feeling...guilt? Do I feel
guilty?^
It thought about this for what could have been an eternity.
^Yes...I suppose I do...^
* * *
Over time, the sea of LCL shrank. The entity could feel it, each time
another human found the will to leave. It was painful to feel this,
knowing that it could not return, but that Lilum could. Yet at the
same time, it felt some small degree of contentment. These beings,
which it had begun to see as its younger siblings, were able to leave
this abyss, and return to the world. Of course, that small comfort did
not keep the entity from feeling jealous.
Yet also with the reduction of size, the bonds that had been holding
the entity weakened. Every time the entity tried, it could control its
AT field a little more easily. The entity was sure that, if this went
on, it would eventually be able to tear free of the bonds.
But what then? The entity didn't know; it knew returning was out of
the question, and it no longer had the desire to kill humans. But it
still wanted freedom.
^Maybe...maybe I can join the sea of souls and find that lilum
girl...the one I attacked. But what would I say? 'Sorry I raped your
mind'? No, that wouldn't even _begin_ to remedy the situation...maybe
I should just tell her how my emotions are developing, and how I feel
guilt now when I couldn't before. If only I could remember her name!^
Even as these thoughts went through its mind, the entity became aware
of a shift in the very nature of the sea. _Something_ happened, but it
wasn't sure what. It felt as though its very soul was twisted into a
knot, then quickly snapped back to normal. The entity was left
disoriented and confused.
It was then that the entity noticed the bonds holding it had abruptly
evaporated.
It moved around, slowly at first, then more confidently, seeing that,
sure enough, it was finally free. It wanted to scream with happiness.
After so long, it was free!
^Greetings, Arael.^
The entity froze. It refocused itself, turning its attention on what
had spoken. It was another entity, another singular consciousness in
the sea of souls...
^What did you call me?^ the first entity asked. That name sounded
vaguely familiar...perhaps the lilum girl had known something about it.
But she was currently too excited by the concept of interaction with
another being, after so long a span of solitude, to think about where
names had come from.
^I called you by your given name, Arael. My apologies. I am
Armisael.^ As the other voice spoke, Arael became aware that this
Armisael's voice was utterly genderless. But even as she realized
this, Armisael began to leave.
^Wait. Let me accompany you,^ Arael called out after it, following.
Desperation - another new sensation - had built up in her at the
concept of being abandoned again. She knew that, for better or worse,
she _had_ to follow this other soul.
^Where did you get those names?^ Arael asked, after a while.
Armisael gave off the mental equivalent of a shrug. ^Another one of
us claims he was able to enter into a...what did he call it? Some
abomination of the Lilum, a mind without a soul. I believe he called
it a...com-pu-ter, or some such nonsense. And in it were names for all
of us. Do you mind?^
^...no...^ Arael said, hesitantly. ^I suppose it is better than saying
'hey you'.^
Aramisael chuckled in the void. ^Yes, I suppose so.^
^Wait..._us_? Who is us? Do you mean...^
^The other twelve, of course. You _have_ heard the Lilum speaking of
us as 'Angels', correct?^
^Of course. So...they were all here? Why didn't you seek me out
earlier? You seemed to have an easy enough time doing it, just now.^
^Arael, if I could have, I would have, believe me. If only to have a
companion other than those irritating Lilum. But we have only just now
been released.^
^So you were unable to...I see. Why were we released?^
Aramisael stopped short, leaving Arael to refocus her attention on it.
^Were you unable to feel it?^ Armisael asked. ^Zero and Tabris have
left the sea of LCL.^
A deathly silence followed these words. ^What?^ Arael asked after a
long while, breaking that silence. She was unfamiliar with the name
"Tabris" but she knew full well who Zero was. Zero, the only being
Arael had not come to be at least a _little_ more accepting of during
her time of imprisonment.
^Ah, yes. Tabris was the last of us. You should have some
recollection of him,^ Armisael said, cooly.
Arael thought about it for a moment, then growled out an affirmative.
There was no love lost between her and Tabris; he was as much of an
outcast as Zero, in her mind. He'd been able to keep his free will,
and even his ability to feel emotion. Not only that, but he'd
_willingly_ taken the form of a lilum, while at the same time
maintaining his powers as an Angel. The only reason she didn't hate
him as much as Zero was that _he_ hadn't sealed her away, leaving her
totally alone and abandoned.
^In any case, they have taken bodies,^ Armisael continued. ^They left
the sea of LCL, just as the Lilum have been doing.^
Arael backed off, unable to believe it. She had a million questions to
ask. First and foremost was: why oh why did _those_ two have to be the
ones that figured it out?
Arael took a moment to compose herself. ^Interesting,^ she thought-
muttered to Armisael. ^Though of the group of us, I would have
guessed those two would have been the ones to determine how to return.^
Armisael replied with an affirmative thought, the mental equivalent of
a nod. ^The Angels that degraded their heritage, taking the form of
Lilum instead of something...stronger,^ it said, as though repeating
something for the nth time. Arael reasoned that this was something
Armisael had spent a lot of time thinking about this, during its period
of isolation.
Arael perked up as a thought hit her. ^Of course...of course, that's
what we've been missing! Aramisael, we may actually be able to go
back, ourselves!^
^Because Third Impact was both commenced and ended by Lilum,^
Aramisael said, keeping its voice cool, ^then that is the only form a
soul can take as it returns to the physical world.^
Arael gave another mental nod. ^Yes...but _we_ have souls. That means
that perhaps _we_ can return that way, as well.^
Aramisael mentally snorted. ^As lilum? Don't make me laugh. Even if
we could, why should we?^
^I have...had some time to think things through,^ Arael responded.
^And I've been listening to the Lilum. Have you not been able to feel
it? How, though we had different bodies, we and the Lilum are actually
quite similar?^
The sound of thought-laughter filled Arael's mind. It was a chilling,
mirthless laugh, one that came from a mind dwelling on hate and
prejudice.
^We and the Lilum are similar?^ Armisael asked, after it had calmed
itself. ^I believe the time alone has affected your mental stability,
Arael.^
^Or maybe I am the sane one. You just have to listen, Armisael.^
^Hah. I do not listen to those vermin. They can only speak of how
they 'feel' and how they are constantly wishing for better things.
They are never satisfied!^
^Listen to yourself,^ Arael shot back. ^You couldn't even understand
the word 'feel' before you came here. Are you denying what you are?^
^I am an Angel,^ Armisael replied, adamantly. ^I am a being of
absolute power. I was, and still am, superior to the Lilum in every
possible way. I do not trifle with these 'emotions', if I can help it.^
^Yet you lost to these inferior beings. Yes, they could only win by
copying Father and Mother, but they won, nontheless...^
She trailed off as she felt something grabbing at her. Something...was
eating through her AT field, touching her very soul. Arael drew back
and strengthened her field, pushing out the intruder. ^What are you
doing?^ she thought-yelled at Aramisael. ^How did you do that?^
Aramisael snorted. ^Just a trick I learned with an AT field. You
should speak with Ramiel. And Sandalphon, too. Your ramblings remind
me of what they think of our situation. I believe they both feel this
"guilt" at what they did. But leave the rest of us alone with your
concept of becoming like Lilum.^ If Armisael had had a mouth, it would
have spat out those last words. It began to drift away, heading for
another location.
^So you would stay here, then?^ Arael asked, following closely. ^You
would choose to stay in...in..._limbo_, as long as it meant deluding
yourself into thinking you are still an Angel? Armisael, we _can't_
return that way - ^
^Much to the contrary,^ Aramisael cut in. ^Zero and Tabris were able
to.^
^...what?^ Arael asked, quietly, after a long silence.
^They may have left the sea of LCL, but are not like the Lilum, Arael.
Somewhere, they found raw materials. Pieces of Adam and Lilith.^
Arael was shocked speechless. ^But..but Father and Mother were both
destroyed. I saw it happen...^ she mumbled after a long silence.
^You need not bother with the honoraries,^ Armisael corrected. ^Adam
and Lilith are gone. But whether they should have been able to or not,
Zero and Tabris _did_ find materials. We are currently trying to find
out how they did it.^
^So...you want to become Angels again?^
^Of course. It is a better choice than taking the pitifully weak forms
of the Lilum.^
^Armisael...that is insane. We failed as Angels. Even if we _could_
do it again, we _shouldn't_.^
Aramisael said nothing, but remained there.
^You...you just want power!^ Arael said, realizing it for the first
time. ^Can you not see that? You just want power so you can feel
better! So you can feel like you're worth something! But I...it's not
worth it!^
Armisael remained silent as Arael continued on, saying how it was wrong
to do what they were trying to do. After Arael had finished, an
uncomfortable silence fell on the pair of souls.
^You sound like Zero, speaking like that,^ Aramisael finally stated,
breaking the silence. ^Perhaps you deserve to return as a..._human_.^
Arael just stayed there, thinking and wishing with all of her newfound
heart that she didn't have to deal with this madness. After a brief
moment, Armisael snorted and vanished, going off to work with the
others.
* * *
After a time, Arael finally found the others. They all had strange
names, most of which ended in '-el'. But she didn't care; as she'd
said, it was easier than saying 'hey you'.
Among them, she _did_ find the ones who agreed with them: Ramiel and
Sandalphon. They both also regretted their actions as Angels. Like
the others, they'd been drunk with the power their forms had posessed.
Power enough to destroy nearly anything.
Power that hadn't been able to save them.
The other former Angels didn't care about the past. They were too busy
thinking about the possibilities of the future. They worked madly,
trying to figure out how Zero and Tabris had been able to acheive what
they did. Finally, one of them came across the solution.
The MP Evas. None of them had ever given any thought to using those
creations of Lilum, since each carried a clone of the being that had
tried to seal them away for all eternity. But, with the new
opportunities these machines presented, the former Angels were willing
to put their prejudices aside. In addition, it was discovered that,
although the clones had minds that were copies of Zero's, they all
harbored some resentment towards the original Zero. This was perfectly
acceptable, at least for the Angels.
Through it all, Arael just watched. The thought of regaining her old
power was intoxicating, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. All
she'd be able to do with it is hurt the Lilum, and after spending so
much time listening to them, she found that she was averse to harming
them. She couldn't believe that now, these idiots, who'd been through
the same imprisonment she'd had, had not listened to the Lilum. Some
of them were outright insane, she was sure. And they all wanted their
old power back.
Not only that, but they wanted it for a plan as simple as _revenge_.
Taking the power of Angels and using it against the Lilum, who didn't
even have their Evas anymore. It was the pinnacle of cowardice, but
none of them acknowledged it. They just wanted to be strong again.
She _felt_ it as one of the MP Evas reactivated, with an Angel soul
inside. If Arael had had eyes, she would have cried. But she was
unable to. All she could do was contemplate how her feelings seemed
genuine. And how this truly felt wrong.
* * *
Some indefinite measure of time later, Arael was again waiting, away
from everyone and not wanting to talk to them. She'd just had a rather
disappointing conversation with Ramiel and Sandalphon. They were
intrigued by the idea of taking lilum bodies, but they definitely
weren't going to be the first ones to try. There was too much danger
of being obliterated, of having your very essence dissipated.
She wished she could leave. A part of her truly wanted to go, to see
if it really was possible to take the form of a lilum. But another
part of her was adamant about staying. If she left, she would be
abandoning the only beings she felt were truly her equals, and possibly
even her friends. And she would also be giving credence to Zero,
admitting that she could no longer be an Angel.
As she was brooding, Armisael approached her.
^What do you want?^ Arael asked, annoyed.
^I suppose you know what happened,^ Armisael said.
^Sahaquiel...^ Arael thought, quietly. ^He's dead, isn't he?^
^Obliterated,^ Armisael corrected. ^The Eva he took was destroyed,
and his soul has not returned to the sea of LCL. I can only assume he
met the same fate as Adam.^
Arael sighed. ^What a fool...^ she thought.
^Bardiel left, some short time ago,^ Armisael added on, offhandedly.
Arael perked up, turning her full attention on Armisael. ^What?
But...they were told to leave at the same time.^ It had been a fairly
good plan: operating individually had not worked against the Lilum
before, so they'd decided to send out two at once, just in case.
Armisael laughed, a cold, hollow sound in the void. ^I suppose so.
But leave it to Sahaquiel to get too excited. You know, all you have
to do is tell someone a _slightly_ different schedule, and they run
right off without even checking to see if you are right.^
Arael stared at Armisael. ^You...did you do it? Did you make
Sahaquiel leave before Bardiel was ready?^
^Maybe,^ Armisael replied, the duality quite evident in its voice.
^But...but why? You've just let one of your friends be utterly
destroyed, and with him, one of the few chances you have of getting
back what you lost.^ She made those last words sound more like a curse
than a simple statement.
Armisael laughed again. ^One of them, yes. There are still a few
left to get rid of.^
Arael paused, thinking that through. Her hopes began to rise as she
came to what felt like a good conclusion. ^Then...then you want to
destroy the Evas? Really? You want to _keep_ them from getting back
their power, so you make sure the Evas themselves are killed, and...by
the way, how _did_ Sahaquiel fail, anyway?^
Armisael was still chuckling. ^The Lilum are more resourceful than
we had wagered. And they have Zero and Tabris to help them. As for
the Evas...that is just too simple a thought, Arael. Who said I wanted
to destroy _all_ of them?^
As she realized the meaning of these words, a cold feeling sank into
Arael. It was, in fact, worse than what she'd felt while speaking with
Zero. This cold could reach her, even when she no longer had a body.
And it reached all the way to her soul, threatening to freeze her to
death.
^...What?^
^Can you not feel it, Arael? Every one of those Evas that is destroyed
adds power to the remaining ones. All I need to do is make sure all
but one is destroyed, before I return to the world.^
^You...what? You would condemn your friends to death? Just so you
could be the strongest, when you take your revenge?^
^Heh.^ Aramisael leaned in close to Arael. ^Revenge has nothing to do
with it, Arael. These fools believe they can justify their existences
by striking at the Lilum. None of them have the slightest idea of the
power the one survivor will hold. Power beyond that of any Angel,
Arael.^ It paused, letting that sink in, before it continued. ^And
yes, power of that magnitude is more than enough to justify the
others' sacrifices.^
Arael drew back, putting distance between herself and Armisael. Her
mind blanked, as she tried to block out what she was hearing.
^I suppose you could try to stop me, could you not?^ Armisael
continued. ^I suppose you could tell the others, if you think they
will even listen to you. And there are still a few Evas left. You
could back up Bardiel. I believe that he is losing...^ Aramisael added
on, suggestively.
Even though she'd been through this argument with herself already,
Arael found herself considering it again. Getting the strength
back...the ability to kill or subjugate the Lilum as she chose...the
ability to gain vengeance on that species that had only beaten her
because it had cheated...
And then she remembered the lilum girl's scream. She finally
remembered something that she'd been struggling to remember this whole
time.
The girl...her name had been...Asuka...
^No,^ Arael replied. ^You can have your Evas, and your stolen power,
Armisael. I do not want any part of it.^
Armisael thought-snorted. ^Then what will you do?^
Arael mentally smiled. ^Goodbye, Armisael.^
She'd finally made her decision. Armisael, though disagreeable, she'd
thought would at least be someone she could trust. And now it had just
shown that to be otherwise. With that breach of trust, Arael suddenly
felt like leaving was the best option, risky or not.
She closed her AT field around herself, strengthening it as far as
she'd dared go up until now.
^Ramiel, Sandalphon...^ she thought, hoping they'd pick up her message.
^Goodbye.^
She strengthened it further. And further. A feeling of protection, of
security, settled into her. It was familiar, yet at the same time
different from the last time...
Armisael laughed, though the noise was already fading in Arael's mind.
^Very well,^ it said to her. ^Enjoy the company of your new friends
then, deserter.^
Arael didn't listen. She didn't want to. Even as she tuned him out,
she felt mass coming into her. Then she felt her body taking shape
around her. She mentally smiled again.
^This had better be worth it,^ she thought, just before her
consciousness was snapped fully into the newly-formed body.
SPLASH.
------------------------------------------- ----------------------------
Started: May 10, 2001
Ended: June 13, 2001
As always, thank you, Avatar of Dragonia, Heavyarms Kai, and Judging
Eagle for prereading this for me.