Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Angels of Armageddon ❯ Chapter 8: "Only the Dead May Rest" ( Chapter 10 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

DISCLAIMER: The characters, story, universe, etc. of Neon Genesis
Evangelion belong to GAINAX. They're not mine, and I make no claim to
them.

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" " = speech
^ ^ = thoughts
_ _ = italics

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Angels of Armageddon
Author: Ryan Xavier
Chapter 8: Only the Dead May Rest

As the night crept in over the small encampment, Shinji finally made it
into his shelter. His tired eyes looked around the dark enclosure,
looking to see if he was alone. Finding that he was, his brow
furrowed.

"Asuka?" he asked the room. The only response was from his own voice,
as it echoed off the walls.

He turned around, standing in the doorway for a long moment. He felt
very tired, and the absence of any living thing only made the dark
inside the shelter more fearful as shadows consumed the world outside.
Asuka wasn't here...so if he tried to sleep, he'd have to lie there on
the hard ground, with the darkness and the cold as his only companions,
and force his mind to clear long enough. Long enough for a light,
dreamless sleep to fall on him, which would give him sleep, but not
rest.

Stay or go? It was an easy choice, really.

His weary feet carried him around the camp. Many people greeted him as
he passed. He made some effort to return their attention, though his
heart wasn't in it. He eventually made it to the center of the camp
where, as usual, a fire was burning, driving off the oppressive cold
and darkness of the starry night.

He sat down hard once he'd made it there. Leaning back, he laced his
fingers underneath his head and looked up at the sky. He knew Asuka
would eventually come this way; it was only a matter of patience. But
until then, he was left alone with his thoughts.

^I was hard on her, wasn't I?^ he thought, going back over his last
conversation with Rei. ^I didn't mean to sound so angry. But...it
_was_ her fault.^

He let out a sigh. ^Geez...it's good that she's making decisions on
her own, but just on this point, I wish she'd follow orders like she
used to. Hm...maybe _that's_ what I should've said to her.^

He closed his eyes, inwardly berating himself. Rei had withdrawn
entirely within herself after he'd berated her for the use of the Dummy
Plug. She had only spoken once when they'd gone to see Ritsuko, and
her voice had been that efficient, calculating, cold monotone Shinji
remembered. It was the tone that she'd use to describe death and
destruction just as easily as though she were talking about the
weather.

He closed his eyes, trying to rest for a while. He never got the
chance.

"Hey, what ch'a doing, Shinji-kun?" came a familiar, playful voice from
above him.

Shinji's eyes cracked open. "Oh...good evening, Misato-san."

The woman smiled, then sat down next to him, hugging one leg to her
body and stretching out the other one on the ground. "You look
tired," she said, quietly.

"Uh huh. Just been a hard day."

"Been hard on everyone, Shinji-kun. You're doing your best."

Shinji just sighed, quietly. He looked into the fire, watching as its
fuel burned away, every pop and hiss releasing a cloud of sparks, like
firey snow.

"Something wrong, Shinji-kun?" Misato asked, tilting her head and
looking down at him.

Shinji groaned, propping himself up on his elbows. Rocks dug into his
arms, but well-developed calluses resisted the sandpaper-like texture
of the dirt.

"I just got back from talking with Ritsuko-san," he said.

"Oh," Misato responded. For once, she didn't look playful at all.
Instead, she actually looked serious, wearing an expression which was
usually only caused by incoming monsters or impending apocalypses.
"And how's Ritsu doing?"

Shinji shrugged tiredly. "I'm just thinking about what she told us."

"Us? Now I know Asuka wasn't with you, so who..."

"Ayanami."

"Oh."

"Ritsuko-san says she needs more time before she can tell us
anything," Shinji said, his head drooping to look at the ground. "But,
still..."

Misato said nothing. Her eyes were filled with worry, but her face was
attentive.

"Well...you know those two Evas that attacked us? They just...Ritsuko-
san told me how their attack patterns were highly similar to a couple
of Angels. From back before all this," he said, gesturing with a tilt
of his head at the shantytown.

"And what does she think of that?" Misato asked. As she spoke, one of
her hands moved unconsciously, going under her shirt and touching her
side. Once, there had been a tremendous scar there, and it had stayed
there for more than half of her life, while she sought out her own
personal vengeance. Now, though...there was nothing. Her eyes
betrayed a small measure of regret. She'd thought it had been over
with.

"I don't know what to think," Shinji said. "But...Ayanami said that
they probably _were_ Angels," he continued, remembering the one time
Rei had spoken during the conversation with Akagi. "She said that
Angels could find the will to return, too." Rei hadn't explained _how_
she knew, though. No amount of prodding had been able to coax _that_
explanation out of the blue-haired girl.

Misato shook her head. "Son of a _bitch_..." she mumbled to herself,
frustration and anger evident in her voice, even at that quiet tone.

"Well," she continued, raising her voice so Shinji could more easily
hear, "even if that's what they are, you're just putting names on
something that's already there. It could be worse, you know."

"I guess." Shinji fell silent for a long time. Then he blinked, as a
thought hit him. "Hey...could we get on the line with the Americans?
Maybe we could have them keep an eye on the other Evas for us."

Misato broke eye contact. Her head turned, looking over at another
side of the clearing. There, protected under a ramshackle awning, was
the long-distance communicator the Americans had left for them.

"They called a while ago," she said, after an uncomfortable pause.
"They wanted to know what happened to their plane."

^Oh, no...^ Shinji thought. "And what happened?"

"I told them," Misato said, turning to look back at him. "I told them
another 'giant robot' came by and destroyed it." She paused. "I
thought for sure they wouldn't buy it. But they wouldn't even say
that. They just went really quiet."

"Maybe it broke?" Shinji asked, trying to scrape up some tiny measure
of hope.

Misato shook her head. "No. They finally got back, and said they were
going to 'investigate.' And no, I don't have the damndest idea of what
that means."

"Oh..."

"Sorry to be telling you all this, Shinji. I probably just made it a
lot harder for you to sleep, huh?"

Shinji smiled sadly. "Don't feel bad, Misato-san. Now at least you've
got it off your chest."

Misato's mouth quirked, with a touch of guilt and sadness. "Come on,"
she said, standing up and extending a hand to him. "You need to be
getting to bed. Maybe you can help out Asuka tomorrow."

"That reminds me," Shinji said, taking the hand and standing up.
"Where is Asuka, anyway?"

"Oh. She's over at the plane," Misato said, pointing off in the
general direction of the crash site. "Probably coming back, now that
it's dark. You want to wait for her?"

Shinji wobbled on his feet. "I think I'll wait back home," he said,
his feet uncommittedly stumbling towards his shelter.

"OK. Goodnight, Shinji-kun."

"Goodnight, Misato-san."

Though the combined effects of fatigue, stress, and worry weighed down
on the boy, making his limbs feel like dead weights, Shinji somehow
managed to get inside his shelter before collapsing onto the hard
ground. But once there, he didn't even have the energy to pull a
blanket around himself. He just closed his eyes and started the long,
slow process of trying to sleep. After some time, another person else
came in. Shinji opened his eyes, looking at Asuka's form as she crept
in, brushing dust off of herself. Without a word, she got down next to
him.

They said goodnight to each other, before falling asleep, sharing each
other's body warmth. Both felt disappointed, not having enough time to
talk with each other once again; it had been happening more and more,
with all the excitement in these past few days. But they were both
still there for each other; they were both there to reassure and
comfort one another. And that was all they needed. At least, for now.

* * *

Ariel grunted, choking on dust as she climbed down into the crater.

She'd been awake since before sunrise, and she'd had to walk for quite
a while to get out here. She was thankful that she'd had a few days to
rest and become truly used to her new form, allowing it some respite
from the ordeal of emerging from the LCL. It had also given her some
time to sort out her thoughts. She hadn't originally intended on doing
this, but guilt had begun creeping into her mind as the days passed.
She needed to do this. It was the right thing to do.

Her shoes - a set of well-worn sneakers - slipped and scraped on the
too-steep wall of the crater. She grasped at the loose dirt, clutching
at what handholds she could find and feeling the dirt grind in under
her fingernails. Finally, the slope became more gentle. She jumped
off the wall, skidding along the ground and nearly losing her balance
as her foot caught a rock. Her backpack shifted, its contents bumping
her in the head as she pitched forwards.

Breathing hard, she jumped to catch herself, regaining her balance as
her feet hit the ground again. This new body was unwieldy and poorly
balanced. But she was getting the hang of it; it was all a matter of
control. And a being which can manipulate an AT field to cut into the
deepest recesses of a person's mind has little trouble controlling
simple flesh and bone.

She walked forwards, her movements smooth and fluid. Her feet left
shallow prints in the firmly packed dirt. As she moved, she passed by
tiny scraps of metal and bits of what might have once been flesh. Even
the largest of these scraps was no bigger than her hand. Their
previous, magnificent form had been blasted, shattered into billions of
pieces and scattered to the winds. The Eva's death had been as
complete a death as could ever be known; it had simply ceased to exist.

That Kensuke boy had explained what had happened out here. The first
of the white Evas, the one that had attacked by diving into the ground,
had met its demise out here, leaving this crater where its body had
once been.

Ariel unshouldered the backpack and fumbled with its seam. She paused,
forcing her mind to remember how to work the zipper, before she
succeeded in opening it. She reached inside, searching through the
contents by feel. Finally, she found what she'd been looking for.

She removed a thin slab of stone. It was nothing more than a broken
piece of concrete, about forty by eight centimeters. But to the former
Angel, it was much more than just a rock. Painted onto it, done in
rough kanji, was a single word: "Sahaquiel."

Ariel had found the stone some time ago, lying on the ground. She'd
picked it up, not really knowing what she could use it for, at first.
But then she'd gotten the idea of using it as a marker. All she'd
needed was to find a little black paint, afterwards.

In truth, the most difficult part had been writing the name. The paint
had stuck well to the smooth surface. But Ariel had had to think
_very_ hard to remember what she was supposed to write. Apparently,
that lilum girl hadn't been very good with kanji.

Ariel knelt down, carefully placing the stone on the ground in the
center of the crater. It was a pointless gesture, she knew. But she
also knew that she wouldn't be able to rest easily until she did it.

She crossed her hands and closed her eyes, holding a private moment of
silence for her fallen brother. Then she stood up and turned away,
shouldering the backpack again. Something solid shifted inside the
pack, banging her in the small of her back. Ariel flinched in pain,
but kept going. She made it to the wall of the crater and started up,
this time going _against_ gravity.

Her whole body protested with the exertion, but she ignored it. She
just climbed, knowing that it wasn't really all that far. Finally, she
made it up to the edge, and rolled over onto the ground, breathing hard
and wiping the sweat off of her face. She closed her eyes as the
sunlight blinded her.

^Fare thee well, Sahaquiel,^ she thought, not even wasting the breath
to voice these words. She could think of no other words for the fallen
Angel. There was no higher power she believed in to wish him good luck
with, and no afterlife she knew of; she knew that Sahaquiel was truly
no more.

She shivered, in spite of the heat from the early morning sun.
^Obliterated,^ she thought, as she got to her feet and started walking
off towards the site of the second attack. ^Utterly ceasing to exist.
Your very immortal essence being erased. Even the Lilum would be able
to grasp the tragedy of it; though their bodies may die, they always
believe that some part of them will survive.^

^Humans,^ she thought, shaking her head. ^That is the name
Tabris...Nagisa told me to use. I cannot let myself slip. I have the
mental capacity to keep up this charade, I am certain.^

She trudged into the shanty town, thinking these thoughts. Once she'd
passed the first shelter, she stopped for a moment, sitting down on the
ground and unshouldering the pack again. Reaching into a side pocket,
she pulled out a water bottle. She'd worked up quite a sweat in
walking this far, with the sun on her the whole way. She tilted her
head back and took a long drink, then let water pour onto her head,
cooling her off.

As cool droplets fell off of her eyelashes, she looked back down. Her
eyes widened.

A girl, about Ariel's own age, was walking towards her. The girl had
reddish hair, blue eyes, and an odd...presence, around her. She _made_
people pay attention to her, whether they wanted to or not. That was
the nature of Asuka Soryu Langley.

Ariel got up quickly, almost forgetting to re-pack the water bottle.
She turned towards the girl and started walking, making certain she
wasn't even looking in Asuka's general direction.

She'd been surprised, when she first found that Asuka was here. Not
only that, but that the girl was a _leader_. After she'd gotten over
the shock, she'd filled up with aversion towards seeing the girl. She
wasn't ready to talk to her just yet, even in this current form. To
that end, she'd been avoiding Asuka, not even making eye contact if she
could help it.

Now she was walking towards Asuka so that they could pass quickly and
then be going in opposite directions. It was the quickest way to put
distance between them. Ariel's heartbeat accelerated tenfold as the
distance closed. Finally, she was within a meter of passing the girl.

"Good morning," Asuka said, nodding at Ariel as she shot by.

"Guten morgen," Ariel mumbled, without thinking.

She walked past Asuka and kept going. Yet as she listened, she heard
Asuka's footsteps stop abruptly. Then the girl turned around and
started walking towards Ariel. Ariel, for her part, sped up.

Asuka broke into a jog, catching up to the white-haired girl in a
moment.

"Hey, wait up!" Asuka called out.

"Shit," Ariel muttered, feeling she'd chosen the appropriate
descriptive word for her feelings. She turned around, raising her head
a little bit.

"You're the new girl, right?" Asuka asked.

Ariel, looking away, nodded.

"Do...do you understand me?" Asuka asked, in fluent German.

^Of course I understand, human,^ she thought. ^Considering my relation
to you, it is no surprise that I can understand that inefficient
language you are using.^

"Inefficient", of course, was just from her frame of reference. Coming
from a sea of LCL, where raw thoughts were exchanged, without clumsy
words to hinder communication, _any_ language was second-rate, to
Ariel. She was tempted to say something along those lines, but she
successfully fought down that urge. She could no longer use telepathy,
she knew. She also knew that there was no use chafing at bonds that
could not be broken; that was a lesson she'd learned quite well during
the years of her imprisonment in the limbo of the Room of Gauf.

She started slowly backing away. ^I only have to say I do not
understand,^ she thought. ^I just have to...tell something other than
the truth. What is the word? Lie. Such a foreign concept...^

"No...no, I don't," Ariel said, making sure she was speaking Japanese.

Asuka blinked several times. "Nice try," she said, still using German.
"If you don't understand me, then how'd you know what I asked, huh?"
she asked, putting her hands on her hips.

Ariel cursed herself for being so careless. She was _supposed_ to be a
perfect being, not something that would make such a stupid mistake!
Yet she'd messed up, anyway.

^Probably a side effect of taking a lilum's body,^ she reasoned out, in
the back of her mind. The rest of her mind, however, was concerned
with trying to end this conversation.

"Fine, just leave me alone," she said, turning away.

"Oh ho," Asuka said, walking quickly to catch up to the rapidly
departing girl. "You _don't_ just walk away from me. C'mon, let's
talk."

Ariel, after thinking a few words that were quite unfit for a higher
being, glanced at Asuka, cringing as their eyes met. She immediately
looked away again.

"Why?" she asked.

"Why?" Asuka asked, incredulously. "Because I want to, that's why.
You're the first person I've met here who knows German."

"I find that difficult to believe," Ariel said, trying to walk away.
Asuka dug in her heels and grabbed the other girl's arm, the contact
making Ariel wince.

"Well, you're the only girl my age," she said. "Do I need to make it
an order?"

"I...I have things which I must do," Ariel said, looking at her feet
and trying to sound sufficiently apologetic. "I cannot talk with you,
now."

Asuka cocked an eyebrow at this. "Are you and Ayanami related or
something? You sound just like her."

Ariel's breath caught. Asuka tilted her head, looking quizzically at
the white-haired girl.

Ariel finally looked up from the ground, letting her pink eyes look
straight into Asuka's blue ones. "I am _not_ like Ze...ahem...Rei,"
she said. "You've got us confused."

Asuka snorted, not letting her fear of the sudden mood change show.
"Then talk with me," she said. "Humor me for a few minutes."

Ariel grit her teeth. ^I do not want to speak with this girl...yet she
says I sound like Zero, when I leave her behind. I do not want to be
like Zero...but is she telling the truth? I am not certain.^ A moment
passed, as she thought it through.

^However...I suppose I would eventually have to speak with this girl.
I could not realistically avoid her forever.^

"Very well, you win," Ariel said, finally switching over to German.
"What do you want?"

"That's more like it," Asuka said, crossing her arms. "C'mon, follow
me," she said, gesturing for Ariel to follow. Her stride showed
absolute confidence. And as Ariel followed, she knew that confidence
was justified. They both knew Asuka had been the winner of that verbal
engagement.

Ariel, her face a dark cloud, came alongside Asuka as they walked.
"Where are we going?" she asked, sounding as though she'd rather be
anywhere other than here.

"To get something to eat," Asuka said, pretending not to notice the
tone in Ariel's voice. "I'm hungry."

As if in response, Ariel's stomach grumbled. She looked down at her
abdomen, a questioning look on her face. ^So many new physical
reactions,^ she thought.

They made it to the shelter Asuka and Shinji shared. Asuka walked
right through the doorway. Ariel hesitated, glancing around and taking
a moment to collect herself before slowly stepping inside.

Ariel took a seat on the floor, as Asuka sat down across from her.
^So...^ Ariel thought. ^This is where Soryu and...Ikari-kun reside.
It seems quite normal.^

That was, in itself, somewhat disillusioning. Ariel had only recently
realized that the "Ikari-kun" Rei had mentioned during Third Impact was
the other leader of this encampment. But he was no more than a boy!
This...mere lilum _child_ had singlehandedly destroyed so many of her
brethren? _And_ interrupt Third Impact, no less? When she had first
seen the much-vaunted "Ikari-kun", she had expected to see a colossus
worthy of this legacy. And yet here he was, living in a simple shanty,
just like everyone else. She often wondered, with a touch of fear, how
the boy had ever been able to perform those godlike deeds.

"Do you eat meat?" Asuka asked, dragging over a plate that had been
waiting just inside the doorway. She was still speaking German. It
was a great feeling, for her. Something akin to dusting off a favorite
book, and finding that it was still in good condition.

Ariel blinked. "Of course," she said, in the same language. "It is a
basic part of lil...human nourishment."

Asuka nodded approvingly before sliding the plate over to Ariel.
"That's good," she said, through a mouthful of what could have been
bread. "At least you're not weird, like Ayanami."

Ariel blinked again, freezing up and looking at Asuka. The other girl
had her eyes closed at the moment, relaxing as she sat down for the
first time all morning. Ariel nodded silently in agreement with what
the girl had said. Then, she started picking through what was left,
looking for anything that appeared even slightly edible.

"So..." Asuka began, as she chewed on something. "Where're you from?
You're pretty good with the language."

Ariel's mind blanked, and she dropped the bread she'd been holding.
She didn't know how to answer this question. The truth would be a very
bad choice, but she couldn't think of a way to twist the truth enough
to make it sound more..._normal_.

"I can't remember," she said, in a rush.

^Idiot,^ she thought. ^She will not accept that. A human would be
able to remember.^

Contrary to Ariel's fears, however, Asuka just nodded knowingly.
"Yeah, we get people like that," she said. "Turns out you can block
out memories when you come back. At least you can remember your name,
huh?" she asked, smiling at the other girl.

Ariel hesitated, having not expected this response. After some
indecision, she chose to return Asuka's smile. It seemed to be the
best choice.

"Then you get stuck in this...great copy of hell," Asuka continued,
looking out the door. But it was only for a moment; she quickly looked
back to Ariel. "What do you think of it?"

"It is...better than my previous existence," Ariel responded, slowly.

Asuka's eyes narrowed, and she looked at her questioningly, not quite
understanding. Ariel was sure she could feel sweat beginning to break
out on her forehead, under that gaze. Finally, though, Asuka shrugged
and went back to her meal.

"I've had some difficulty adjusting," Ariel began, trying to break the
awkward silence that fell on them. "There are...many changes that I
need to make to my old lifestyle."

Asuka smirked. "Yeah, I noticed. Who gave you _that_ wardrobe?
Probably one of those hentais..."

Ariel blinked in surprise and looked down at herself. She was wearing
the first set of clothes she'd been able to find: a set of worn khaki
shorts, which were a little _too_ short, and a white tank top. The
shirt was actually about her size, but the exertions of the morning had
coated her torso with sweat, making the garment essentially skin-tight,
and highlighting the fact that she wasn't wearing undergarments.

"I don't understand," Ariel said, confused.

Asuka snorted out a laugh. "You're kidding me. Haven't you noticed?
I think those last guys you walked by are going to nosebleed to death.
But then again, they might just deserve it," she added on, in a lower,
confidential tone of voice.

Ariel cocked her head. ^That is not physically possible,^ she thought.
^They were not injured. _What_ have I not noticed?^

"I've never paid much heed to what I wore," she said, truthfully. "So
I just took the first things I could find."

Asuka put one hand over her eyes, looking down in an effort to hide her
smile. "Oh, man..." she said. "Well, here," she said, getting to her
feet.

Asuka walked over to the corner of the shelter and picked up a folded
shirt that had been laying there. She threw it at Ariel, who deftly
caught it before it could hit the ground.

"Use one of mine, at least until you can find something better," Asuka
explained. "Otherwise, these guys will start...you know, getting the
wrong idea."

Ariel only barely understood. She had some grasp of human psychology.
And she could guess how people in a situation such as this could react,
given the appropriate stimuli. Mentally shrugging, she grabbed the hem
of her shirt and yanked it off with one motion.

"Whoa!" Asuka said in surprise. The girl turned away and grabbed at a
curtain hanging in front of the doorway. She tugged it over, giving
them some privacy.

"I meant wait 'til you found somewhere to _change_!" Asuka said, unable
to keep from showing an amused smile.

"Oh...all right," Ariel said, reaching down to pick up her old shirt.

"No, no. Go ahead and pull it on," Asuka said, waving the other girl
off.

Ariel, now utterly confused, sighed and unfolded the loose, red garment
Asuka had thrown her. Asuka, noticing something as she looked at the
other girl, raised an eyebrow.

"That's an interesting mark," she said, offhandedly.

"What?"

"On your chest."

Ariel looked down, contorting herself a little so she could see her own
chest. She saw it immediately: a line of pale skin, not much thicker
than a pencil point, was cut smoothly into a perfect spiral, starting
dead-center over her sternum and expanding outwards until it was
halfway up the curve of her breasts.

Ariel turned away, both in embarassment, and to hide her reaction. She
fumbled with the shirt, managing to drop it on the ground in her haste.

"It's on your back, too," Asuka noted.

Ariel cringed. "Really?" she asked, hoping Asuka was lying, this time.

"Yeah. Looks like it lines up with the one on your chest, too. What
happened?"

"I...don't remember."

"Heh. Did someone put a drill bit through your chest or something?"

"I said I _don't_remember_!" Ariel repeated. Her voice rose as she
spoke, until she was nearly shouting out the last word.

Asuka, surprised, backed off. "Damn," she said, "I hit a nerve or
something?"

"Something like that," Ariel bit out, as she finally succeeded in
pulling the shirt on. It was much looser than the last one, and left
much more to the imagination. However, it was still a little tight
here and there, due to the fact that her dimensions were larger than
Asuka's in certain key places.

Asuka shook her head, still smiling, as Ariel turned around. "What
were you before all this happened, anyway? Fashion model?"

"Why would I have been that?"

Asuka shrugged. "You've got the body everyone wishes they had," she
said. "I was just guessing."

"Oh...well, I'm not...certain of what I was. If I cannot remember
where I lived, I can't expect to remember something like my
profession."

"Yeah, I guess so," Asuka said, turning to go.

Ariel followed, cautiously. "Thank you for breakfast," she said.

"Right," Asuka said, nodding. "You oughta come by again, sometime."

Suddenly, the redheaded girl turned around, stopping the other girl in
her tracks. Asuka looked at her companion, pensively. Ariel for her
part, began to sweat again.

"Do I...know you?" Asuka asked, slowly.

Ariel could actually _feel_ her heart thumping in her chest, right
underneath the spiral scar Asuka had pointed out. "I do not know," she
said. "I cannot recall."

Asuka shook her head, trying to clear it. "It's the weirdest thing. I
just feel like I've seen you somewhere. But I just can't remember."
She looked at Ariel for another moment, studying the girl's face.

"Simple deja vu, I suppose," Ariel choked out.

"Yeah, I guess," Asuka said, turning away. "Well, maybe I saw you in
Germany. You heard of Evangelion Unit-02?"

Asuka, walking in front of Ariel, could not see the other girl close
her eyes in an effort to maintain control. "Um...I believe I heard
something of it," Ariel responded. "But I never went anywhere near
it." That last part came out in a rush. It was the truth, at least.

Asuka shrugged, without looking at the other girl. "Whatever," she
said. "Well, let's talk again, sometime. I'd like to get to know you,
Ariel."

Ariel forced a smile, remembering that it was the polite thing to do.
"Perhaps, Soryu. If I get a chance, I may speak with you again."

"Great. And call me Asuka."

"...Right."

Ariel then excused herself, turning away and walking off, towards the
site of the most recent battle. She only got a few steps, though,
before she collapsed against the side of one shelter.

Her breath came in brief gasps. She held one hand over her heart,
feeling it beating rapidly. Going to her knees, she tried to collect
herself.

That had just been too close. She was still sure that she could keep
her secret, provided Zero and Tabris didn't say anything. But it was
definitely going to be more difficult that she'd first assumed.

* * *

Shinji stood a short distance from the work site, trying his best to
look authoritative.

A few dozen meters in front him lay a twisted, still-smoldering hunk of
metal. It had come down days ago, but they were still going through it
for what they could find. It had once been an airplane. Now, it was
just an unsturdy supply depot.

If anything, they'd been lucky that the plane had been going to drop
supplies, instead of landing and offloading. As it stood, much of what
had been on the plane had already been packed in anticipation of a hard
impact. A surprisingly large amount of the supplies onboard had
survived.

Of course, not everything could be saved. The Americans onboard were
all long dead. The pilot had been found in the smashed cockpit, with
his neck broken and his ribcage crushed by a collapsed bulkhead. The
support crew had been all over the cargo bay, their broken bodies lying
limp. Shinji hoped they'd died before they'd felt it.

Currently, the corpses were lying a few hundred meters off, covered by
a cargo tarp that had been holding down some of the supplies. Shinji
had wanted to give those people proper burials. But Asuka and Misato
had pushed him into delaying that. Everyone felt some unease at the
Americans' fates, but they didn't have time to go through the motions
of a funeral, not when much-needed supplies were possibly burning away
to nothingness.

What _truly_ made his heart sink was that he saw how much the corpses
could change with just the addition of the tarp. Exposed to the world,
their eyes closed as if in a peaceful rest that freed them from the
restraints and pains that life gave them, they were human, like any of
those that were still living, and were people to mourn and cry over.
But covered under the tarp, they ceased to be beings whose passing was
to be remembered, and became only nameless, faceless, _things_, fit
only to be studied, dismissed, and disposed of. In the devil's bargain
of exchanging humans for mere bulges beneath a tarp, their humanity was
forgotten, and Shinji found a part of his own starting to slip away.
For when he stared at humans that had died, he could feel pity and
remorse at the sight of untimely death. But when staring at those
_objects_ the tarp made them, he felt...nothing.

In fact, it made their deaths seem like contagious disease, for one
does not have to die to feel dead. But he had a job to do, so he simply
ignored the feeling like he ignored the hidden visages of the corpses.

^Why am I so concerned about these people? Asuka would say they're just
dead bodies...or are they?^

But whatever the case, Shinji had much more pressing matters to worry
about. Groups of volunteers were climbing through the wreckage,
handing up anything they'd found. So far, there were no more than a
few cuts and scrapes from minor accidents, but Shinji was sure all it
would take was one slip-up and then there'd be one more corpse under a
tarp.

All of a sudden, a pair of arms went under his armpits and encircled
his chest, crushing him up against the person behind him. Shinji let
out a brief cry of shock, then went completely stiff. It was all he
could do not to wet himself in surprise.

The hold immediately loosened, and soon teasing laughter filled the
air. Shinji whirled around to face his assailant.

"Asuka!"

The girl was nearly keeling over now, laughing. "Oh, _God_ that was
fun! You are so tense, baka Shinji!" she said, bonking him lightly on
the head with her fist.

Shinji turned away, as his breathing resumed, trying to keep pace with
the pounding of his heart. He swallowed.

"Uh...hello," he said, once he'd collected himself.

Asuka was still smiling. "Hello yourself. So how's it look, here?"
she asked, turning to look at the wreckage.

Shinji turned back towards the plane again. "Pretty good, actually,"
he said. "We're finding a lot of things. Even things we wouldn't have
guessed would survive."

"That's good," Asuka said, crossing her arms. Her tone showed that
she'd just asked that question out of politeness. "Hey, Shinji, guess
who I just met?" she asked, looking at him through eyes that had been
narrowed playfully.

Shinji blinked, thinking it over before shaking his head. "I don't
know."

Asuka shook her head. "C'mon. It's that new girl, Ariel."

"Oh, yeah," Shinji said, as it dawned on him. He'd forgotten about the
new arrival, what with all the other concerns he had. But as he
thought about it, it only made sense that Asuka would see her. It was
actually surprising that it had taken so long.

"So...how is she?"

"She's nice," Asuka said, sitting down on the ground and leaning back.
"Kind of uptight, though."

Shinji sat down, next to her. "Well, I'm sure you can cure her of
that."

Asuka laughed again. Shinji managed to smile in response, this time.

"It's weird, though..." Asuka said, a moment later. "I just feel like
I know her, from somewhere."

Shinji nodded, slowly. "Actually, I get the same feeling."

They sat there, observing the work, for several more minutes. Luckily
for them, no one was hurt during that time. Nothing passed to break up
this moment, one of the few times they got to spend time together.
After a while, Shinji put his arm around Asuka's shoulders. It was a
simple gesture, of affection and closeness, but still one he'd been
terrified of in the beginning. Now, he'd grown used to it, though it
still surprised him, somewhat. And he could feel from the way Asuka
stiffened momentarily at the contact that, whether or not she would
admit it, she was still a little uncomfortable with being touched, too.

His thoughts began to wonder, as the feeling of peace settled in. He
was a little concerned about that white-haired girl. He _knew_ he'd
seen her before, but he just couldn't place where. That, and her odd
hair and eye color, made him think. Who was she, really?

Thinking about Ariel's eyes somehow derailed his train of thought, as
his mind drifted towards another pair of eyes that concerned him. Only
these other eyes were not a rosy pink, like the color of the cherry
blossoms that pre-Second-Impact Japan was famous for. Rather, they
were a deep crimson, the color of the blood their owner hated.

^Ayanami,^ he thought, his eyes glazing over. ^I don't know what's
with her. She hasn't said a word to me lately. Not that that's
anything new, but...I guess I _was_ too hard on her.^

That, and he had yet to hear a decent explanation about what had
happened to Rei's arm. One day, it had been in a cast, with a few more
weeks before the bones had knit, and the next, it was unbound and fully
healed. The closest thing he'd gotten to an explanation had come from
Kaoru, who'd said that her arm had just gotten better after the last
MPE assault, and that neither him nor Rei knew for certain why.

But what really worried him was that he thought something might be
wrong with Rei. The girl rarely looked him in the eye anymore, and in
fact almost looked like she was avoiding him, sometimes. But when she
_did_ meet his gaze, it sent a chill of uneasiness through him. As
though he was no longer looking at a girl his age, but rather a
deadly, feral monster whose ferocious power was only barely contained,
and that her humanity was only a mask to hide behind. In fact, it was
not unlike the times he had looked his Evangelion Unit-01 in its
seemingly sightless, opaque white eyes, innocently sitting in its cage
and apparently helpless to act of its own volition. But somewhere
behind those eyes had been an intelligence. Not that of a mindless
automaton, but a living, breathing entity with an agenda of its own,
and which did not necessarily care for humanity's survival.

But that sensation never lasted for more than a moment. It was just a
flicker, a brief hiccup of emotion. And as soon as it was over, Shinji
was always reassured that it was Ayanami standing in front of him.
Ayanami, a girl trying to find a course for her life. Not some
monster.

"Actually," he said, finally, "That girl kind of reminds me of
Ayanami."

Asuka shook her head, her hair tickling his arm as she did so. "Don't
even start," she said. "I don't know why, but this girl just doesn't
seem to like Ayanami very much."

Shinji shrugged. "Well, she hasn't seen Ayanami in action, I guess.
People are starting to respect her, you know, after that last fight."

"Yeah," Asuka said. She looked towards the plane. "But tell that to
the pilot."

Shinji cringed. He felt something tighten in his chest, at Asuka's
words.

"She couldn't help him," Shinji said, quietly. "It was too fast. No
one could've seen it coming."

"Yeah, but - "

"And in any case, Unit-00 can't fly, which is what it would have had to
do to save the plane. Ayanami's doing the best she can, Asuka. You
know that as well as I do."

^It doesn't mean I agree with her methods,^ Shinji mentally added on,
^but I _do_ know Ayanami always gets the job done.^

One corner of Asuka's mouth turned down, as she was cut off. She
looked annoyed, but there was also just a trace of fear around her
eyes.

She shook it off. She slid out from under Shinji's arm, her face
taking on a mischevious look as she looked down at his disappointed
expression. She got to her feet and peered down at Shinji, holding her
hands behind her back. "Hey, Shinji," she said, smiling suggestively,
"Let's go do something."

"Do what?" Shinji asked, drawing back unconsciously.

"Anything. It's boring here," Asuka complained. "And I don't have all
day to just sit around watching other people work. _Some_ of us have
to work every day."

Shinji felt that tightness in his chest get worse. He knew who she was
alluding to. Rei and Kaoru seldom did manual labor around the camp,
both because of their physical stature, and because they had
responsibilities with the Eva. As far as he knew, today they were
trying to figure out how quickly Unit-00 could regenerate from the
damage incurred in that last battle.

But he said nothing. He was convinced arguing with Asuka over how to
treat Rei would be a wasted effort. He'd thought they would become
friends, after Asuka started referring to Rei by her first name and
all, but that seemed to have dried up, at some point. He didn't know
what had happened, and Asuka clammed up whenever he tried asking her
about it.

"OK, c'mon," Shinji said, getting to his feet. ^I guess they _can_
manage themselves,^ he thought. In the past, whenever someone had been
injured working on salvaging, several other people were always on hand
to help.

Asuka fell into step beside him, as they walked away from the ruined
aircraft. "Where're we headed?" she asked, curious.

"Ritsuko-san's," Shinji replied. "I've got a few questions I've been
meaning to ask her. And she might be able to answer them, now."

* * *

Ritsuko pulled on the white lab coat, feeling the smooth material take
her arms into its cold embrace for the first time in a long while. The
coat had been one of the many things they'd been able to salvage from
the plane crash. It was a familiar feeling, wearing this thing. With
it, she could watch giants fighting each other, could watch people
being killed, and could in fact herself commit murder, and even herself
be killed.

She was still deciding whether or not she liked it.

Ritsuko pushed back the whispering of her conscience as she thought
this over. She knew they hadn't been able to salvage the crew of that
plane. Ritsuko had been slightly shaken, when she'd seen that. But
she hadn't let it show. She couldn't afford to.

^Just too much to live down, so I just push away anything that makes me
feel guilty,^ she thought. ^It only makes sense, but it makes me feel
like a real bitch.^

She was currently standing inside a large tent, another thing they'd
pulled from the wreckage. She rearranged some equipment that waited
patiently on a nearby table, in an effort to take her mind off of her
thoughts.

She wasn't alone. Maya bustled about in another corner of the tent. A
tan leather glove covered her left hand, having just recently been
pulled on. Yet another sign of outside aid. The thought of wearing
gloves would have been out of the question, a few weeks ago. There
just weren't any intact gloves to be found. But now...

^We can change so quickly, with the appropriate stimuli,^ Ritsuko
thought to herself. ^We're already beginning to revert to our old
lifestyles.^

"So when are they coming, Ritsu-chan?" Maya asked, looking up at her
old teacher.

"Sooner or later," Ritsuko answered, straightening out the lab coat
again. It felt good on her, she had to admit. "Probably well before
the end of the day."

"OK," Maya said, turning away. "Say, sempai..."

"Yes?"

"Have you seen that new girl?"

"Ni-san? Yes, I have. I spoke with her briefly a few days ago."

"OK. What do you think of her?"

"She seems like a standard refugee," Ritsuko said, calmly. She leaned
down to wipe at the lenses on a microscope. "Confused, but still
determined."

"Yeah, I guess," Maya said, nervously. "And I saw her talking with
Asuka earlier today. It looked like they were getting along well."

"Oh," Ritsuko said, acknowledging the statement sheerly out of
politeness.

"Ritsu-chan..." Maya said, slowly.

^Here it comes,^ Ritsuko thought.

"Don't you think she's a little...I don't know..._strange_?"

Ritsuko looked up from her work, her eyes locking with Maya's from
across the tent. "What do you mean by that?" she asked.

"Well...she seems really nervous around people. And she avoids
Ayanami-san and Kaoru-san like the plague."

"Well, many people are afraid of those two. I don't see what the
problem is, Maya."

"Well, it's just...there's just something about her. I mean, who her
age has white hair? Or pink eyes?"

"People come back the way they want to," Ritsuko said. She reached
back and pulled up a lock of her hair, displaying it to the younger
woman. Her hair was blond, now. No more dyeing to change it to that
color. She'd been shocked, at first, but then quietly accepted it. It
helped remind her that not things weren't the same, anymore.

Maya nodded, understanding. "I guess. Maybe she was just someone who
grew up without a childhood. She _does_ look pretty mature, doesn't
she?"

Ritsuko slammed her hands down on the table, the loud 'bang' making
Maya jump.

"She volunteered to have me examine her, once we were set up here,
Maya. From what I could see, she's a perfectly normal girl." Her eyes
went flinty. "And the last thing we need now is paranoia."

"S...sorry."

Ritsuko's face softened. "I need you around, Maya," she said. "I
can't afford to have you getting suspicious of anyone who _looks_
strange."

Maya managed a weak smile. "OK...Ritsu-chan."

Ritsuko nodded, fighting down a smile of her own on hearing the
nickname. She went back to getting set up.

No more than half an hour later, Shinji and Asuka walked in through the
tent flap. They looked around, traces of wide-eyed amazement present
in their faces. Amazement that Ritsuko Akagi had so easily been able
to go back to her old ways.

^It's almost enough to make me belive in fate,^ Ritsuko thought,
smiling a little. ^I get a new chance at life, and I go back to being
a scientist.^

"Sorry to be intruding, Akagi-san," Shinji said, bowing respectfully.

"Oh, it's all right," Maya replied, walking up to the boy and tilting
him up out of the bow. "We were expecting you, anyway."

Asuka's brow furrowed. "How'd you reason that out?"

"I just finished looking over everyone involved in that blast," Ritsuko
answered, almost bored. "Though I don't have much here," she
continued, gesturing at the simple medical tools lined up on a bench,
"I was still able to get some data."

"Oh," Asuka said, taking a seat in a conveniently-placed chair. "So
what'd you find?"

"Nothing," Ritsuko said, simply.

"Nothing?" Shinji asked, incredulous.

"No physical fluctuations," Maya cut in, reading from a notebook. "No
abnormalities seen in any of the samples collected from the subjects."
Lowering the book, she looked at them helplessly. "It's like nothing
happened to them."

"So what's that mean?" Asuka asked, blinking and stretching out in her
chair.

"I am not certain," Ritsuko said, putting one finger to her chin. "All
I've got is a few theories." She walked over to the bench and made a
few hasty notes in another book. "Assuming the Evas we've seen follow
their initial specifications, then they were equipped with an S2
engine," she said, as she wrote. "Rei and Nagisa confirmed that the
cores of both attacking Evas were destroyed."

Stepping away from the table, she pulled up a chair of her own. "So
that means the Evas would have lost control of their S2 reactions,
which then achieved critical mass."

Shinji blinked. "What?"

"Ka-boom," Maya said, smiling a little.

"Oh...right. Sorry," Shinji said, lowering his head a little in
embarassment.

"Yes..." Ritsuko said, throwing Maya an annoyed glance for the
unscientific explanation. "The energy released from an out-of-control
S2 reaction is formidable. Mathematically, its output would go to
infinity, but in practice, we only see a few megatons worth of energy.
However, if that had been the case, then this whole area would have
been vaporized."

Shinji paled, as he thought that one over. Even Asuka couldn't keep
herself from swallowing nervously.

"So what happened, then?" the German girl asked.

Ritsuko shook her head. "Something is drawing off that extra energy,"
she said. "And in fact drawing off so much of it that all we see is
light and a little heat. But I'm going to need more time, and better
equipment, if I'm going to figure out what it is."

"It's up to me then," Asuka said, smirking and crossing her arms. "I
just have to see what _else_ I can drag out of that old plane. And our
friends'll be dropping in more for us later on."

No one responded to this. Ritsuko just looked at Asuka, seeing the
tension on the girl's face.

^You heard about the call,^ she thought at the girl. ^You know the
Americans might just rethink what they're doing.^

"There's a little more, which may concern you," Ritsuko continued.
"And to be able to see this, even with these tools, is unsettling."

"What is it?" Shinji asked.

"Rei and Nagisa called me out two days ago," Ritsuko continued, as she
slid out a rack of microscope slides. "I had to check the Eva, but I
also examined the children themselves."

Asuka quirked an eyebrow, leaning back in her chair and crossing her
legs. Shinji, however, remained standing. Worry was quite evident on
the boy's face. "So how did they turn out, then?" he asked, the
concern showing clearly in his voice.

"I looked over the Eva," Ritsuko explained, gesturing to Maya. The
other woman was by her side in an instant, handing her the book she'd
been reading from earlier. Ritsuko carefully turned the pages,
glancing things over. She squinted a little at the writing, before
continuing. "Its S2 engine is regenerating the damage at a nominal
rate, from what I observed. Though I don't have any decent way to
verify this, I predict it will be fully repaired in three weeks."

"Give or take a few days," Maya added on, quietly, in the background.

Shinji nodded, but said nothing. Asuka just turned up her nose,
looking as though she'd rather be getting a root canal. But she didn't
move. Even though no one was keeping her there, she didn't move from
her seat.

"As for Rei and Nagisa..." Ritsuko began, walking back over to the
microscope, "they seem to be in fine health. However, I noted several
anomalies."

"Anamolies?" Shinji asked. "Like what?"

"Their body temperatures were a few degrees lower than normal, for one.
Though all I had to work with were simple thermometers, even they could
show the children's bodies were colder than normal."

Asuka shrugged and turned her head to the side. "So maybe Ayanami got
sick," she said, nonchalantly.

"Doubtful. Rei doesn't get sick. I can only assume the same is the
case for Nagisa."

Asuka blinked, turning to look back at Ritsuko with a confused face.
How could someone just _not_ get sick every once in a while? It was
impossible. True, you could cover it up if you put on a good act, but
the truth remained that you were ill.

"I also took samples of bodily fluids from both of them," Ritsuko
continued. "Looking at it under this microscope was all I could do. I
saw a few oddities, but they're nothing you'd be able to see unless you
had intimate knowledge of cell structures."

"But then we had a look at their blood," Maya chirped out. All eyes
turned towards her. The young woman blushed a little and then nodded
to Ritsuko.

"...right," Ritsuko said, turning back to what she was doing. She
lined up a slide underneath the microscope. "I'd like you two to have
a look at these."

Shinji and Asuka went up, taking turns at looking. "I don't see
anything weird," Shinji said. It looked just like the pictures of
blood he'd seen in his science book back at school.

"Right," Ritsuko said, pulling the slide out. "That was a blood sample
from Nagisa. There are a few subtle differences from human blood
cells, but I didn't expect you to see them. What got my attention was
this sample from Rei." At this, she shoved in another slide.

Asuka went first. Moments after she'd put her eyes to the lenses,
Shinji could see her brow furrow. She stepped away, looking concerned.
"I don't understand," she said.

Shinji, interested, had a look for himself. He immediately saw it: in
among the wafers of the red blood cells were...chunks. Dark pieces of
extra matter, coming in all shapes and sizes. None were as large as
the blood cells, but most of them were still readily noticeable.

Shinji stepped back. "Dust on the lens?" he asked.

Ritsuko shook her head. "Not possible. I cleaned every piece of
equipment before doing these tests."

"So what does it mean?" Asuka asked.

"I cannot identify those extra particles," Ritsuko explained. "They
just appear to be spare matter, floating in solution with her blood."

"And...?" Asuka asked.

"What concerns me is that Rei seems unaffected. A normal human with
that much extra material in the bloodstream would be suffering from a
variety of ill effects. Capillaries and arteries could be clogged
easily, resulting in a heart attack or stroke. But Rei doesn't even
seem aware that she has this condition. It's as though these particles
are now part of her physiology."

"Part of her?" Shinji asked, worried. He immediately remembered her
arm, and how it had healed so suddenly. "How? Why? I mean..."

"I'm not sure," Ritsuko said, holding up a hand. "All Rei was able to
tell me is that she was overcome by some sort of shockwave after the
Eva was destroyed. She's also said she experienced some physical
phenomena, but she couldn't replicate that while she was being tested."

"What kind of...'phenomena'?" Shinji asked. "Are you talking about her
arm?"

Ritsuko looked at him, silently, for a long moment. "She asked that I
not tell you," she said, finally. "And she asked me to assure you that
it was nothing major. I'm inclined to agree, if it was a one-time only
occurence. It may have even been a simple hallucination - "

"What is wrong with Ayanami?" Shinji asked, firmly.

Ritsuko looked him in the eye, before slowly shaking her head. "I
can't tell you," she said.

Shinji closed his eyes, resigning himself. He half-expected Asuka to
start shouting, trying to verbally - if not physically - force Ritsuko
to tell them what was going on. But Asuka said nothing. She held her
tongue this time, the lack of focus in her eyes showing that she was
thinking something over.

Shinji nodded to Ritsuko. "So that's all, then?" he asked.

"It's what I have for now. If we ever get more advanced equipment, I
may be able to tell you more."

Shinji looked at her for a few seconds, as though sizing her up. He
finally nodded at Ritsuko, then at Maya, before he turned and walked
out the doorway.

^Rei, I hope you know what you're getting into,^ Ritsuko thought. ^The
Ikaris have a knack for finding out things other people don't want them
to know.^

* * *

Asuka caught up to Shinji a heartbeat after he'd left Ritsuko. She
came alongside him, letting him know that she was there. But no words
passed between them. Both were caught up in their own thoughts for the
moment.

^Something's up,^ she thought. ^And something is really wrong, if she
doesn't want her _dear_ 'Ikari-kun' to know. Serves her right if she
ends up crippled, or even dea - .^

She instantly felt guilty for thinking this way. ^Oh, all
right...maybe I can try and get the answer from the source. Shinji at
least deserves to know.^ She smiled, a little. ^Beats having to
listen to him mumble to himself about how it's unfair.^

"Hey, she's all right," Asuka said awkwardly, taking his arm. "Bet it
was nothing. She just didn't want to give you something else to worry
about."

^Geez, here I am _defending_ Wondergirl,^ she thought. ^I am just
messed up today. Maybe I could talk it over with that Ariel girl.
Doesn't look like she really enjoys Ayanami's company...something else
we have in common.^

Shinji, however, barely even heard her. He let Asuka take his hand and
walk with him. He even squeezed her hand a little, to show he was
still aware of his surroundings. But his face remained serious.

Looking at him, Asuka's brow furrowed. The same traces of fear from
earlier appeared around her eyes again. The boy next to her was slowly
growing up. One day, he wouldn't be her 'baka Shinji' anymore.

"Come on, snap out of it," Asuka said, waving her hand in front of his
eyes.

Shinji blinked, looking over at her. "Sorry," he said, averting his
eyes in embarassment. "Just trying to digest all that."

"Don't see why you should worry," Asuka said, turning up her nose
again, and putting her free hand on her hip. "You don't even have all
the facts."

"I guess so," Shinji said. "But I should try talking to Rei..." he
trailed off. Then he shook his head quickly. "I mean, _Ayanami_. She
owes me an explanation."

"Baka," Asuka said, hitting his arm. "She doesn't want anyone to know,
so why do you think she'll tell you? Come on, let's go somewhere
else."

Shinji slowed down. Asuka released his arm, coming around to face him
as his footsteps came to a halt. Shinji just stood there, not saying
anything. Every few moments, it looked like he was going to start off
in one direction, but then he'd change his mind and start another way,
only to change his mind again.

"Just drop it for a while," Asuka said. "Ayanami can be weird,
sometimes."

Shinji sighed in frustration. Asuka, seeing he was struggling to make
a decision, figured it was time for her to make it for him. She took
his hand.

"Come on," she said, starting off towards their shelter. "We can take
the rest of the day off, Shinji. Let's go home, for a while."

But she didn't get very far. Shinji stopped, forcing Asuka to stop
walking, as well. She turned back to look at him.

Asuka took notice of Shinji's right hand, its fingers slowly clenching
and releasing, as if he was testing the tightness of his grip.
Something in the back of Asuka's mind told her that it was by no means
weak, but that old memory faded like mist when she tried to grasp it.
Perhaps he was testing his hold on the situation, but whatever it was,
Asuka had a sneaking feeling, like a worm undermining her sense of
safety, that something was about to change.

Just then, his hand swiftly balled itself into a tight fist. It
happened so fast that she hadn't seen the change, until his knuckles
turned white under the pressure. Furthermore, his forearm began to
vaguely tremble with the strain as if he was crushing the life out of
something unseen in his hand, while his face went completely dead, the
eyes sightless and unseeing, the features sapped of life and vitality.
It appeared that he had made a decision, but she still couldn't shake
the feeling that there was something very wrong. She swallowed, but
still did not relinquish the hold on his free hand. All the while,
however, she felt her pulse quickening, as she wondered if he still
would have clenched a fist if she'd taken his right hand instead of his
left.

Slowly, he brought his fist up to his face, his eyes focusing so hard
that it seemed as if he was reducing all of the world around him to
encompass only his fist, the knuckles as white, the trembling as great
as ever. Looking like someone who had become greater in the
strength of their convictions, somehow he appeared larger and more
determined than she had ever seen him. So much like his father...

And then, the trembling stopped. His eyes regained focus, like those of
a person newly roused from a sleep they might never have awakened from.
At the same time, he seemed to notice just what he was doing with his
hand, and gingerly opened it. He looked mildly surprised that his open
palm, red and slightly swollen from the pressure it received, held
nothing. Then, he spoke in a voice as haggard as his life was, but iron
in the determination it carried, a single word:

"No."

"No what?" said Asuka, starting to become truly uneasy and wanting out
of this situation.

"I'm sorry," he said, quietly, not making eye contact. "But I just
feel like it's my responsibility. I have to at least _try_ seeing
what's wrong."

Asuka's face went blank, at those words. One part of her was screaming
at him to just go along with what she said, while the other part was
saying he wouldn't be happy until he'd satisfied his conscience. And
she just couldn't get that image out of her head, of Shinji's face as
he'd studied his fist, as though asking it for an answer. As such, she
didn't do anything when he pulled free of her grip, her hands still
frozen in position at the suddenness of his rejection and subsequent
separation.

"I'll just go talk with her and Kaoru-kun for a few minutes," he said,
backing away. He held up his hands defensively, as though expecting a
blow. "I'll come back soon, I promise."

Something finally snapped in Asuka, breaking her out of the stupor
she'd fallen into. She blinked and stepped forwards, pressing up
against him and feeling him blush from the contact.

"So you go to them instead of me?" she asked, sounding innocently.
"Hmm...I didn't know my Shinji-chan liked threesomes. Maybe I should
join in, someday."

Shinji could have rivaled a tomato for the color he turned, as his mind
processed Asuka's words before he could stop it. "No, no! It's
not...I mean, I just said I was going to talk, and that's all, and..."
he said, trailing off as he noticed he was rambling.

"You better hurry up, baka Shinji," she said into his ear, feeling the
nervous warming of his body. "I'd hate to have to start without you."

She stepped back, her face having taken on the look of a predator
eyeing the catch of the day. Shinji's blush deepened. He looked like
he wouldn't mind being the prey.

"OK, OK," he said, backing off again. "I'll see you then."

Asuka grabbed his arm as he tried to turn to go. She hesitated a
moment, looking into his confused eyes.

Finally, she leaned forwards, brushing her lips against his.

"Just in case you three take too long talking," Asuka said, quietly.
"Now get out of here," she added on, more loudly. She turned him
around and gave him a shove in the general direction, watching him
stumble off. Shinji turned around, smiling back at her and promising
that he'd be back soon. Then he walked off, heading for the Eva.

Her expression changed, as soon as he was out of sight. No longer was
she the confident master of Shinji Ikari. Rather, she looked worried.
Not to mention jealous.

^Was his heart in that?^ she wondered to herself, as she headed off
towards her shelter. She ran her fingers over her lips, in memory of
the recent kiss. ^Caught him off guard, I know, but I just can't tell.
What's going on inside that baka's head, anyway?^

* * *

The sun was already sinking below the horizon by the time Ariel had
made it to the second site.

Speaking with Asuka had apparently broken some kind of invisible
barrier. Seeing their leader speaking so easily with the new arrival
had convinced the other refugees that the new girl was, in spite of her
aloof attitude, quite approachable.

Ariel had been caught up in conversation after conversation. People
wanting to know where she came from, why she'd come here, how she'd
come to know Asuka, and all other manner of questions had barraged her.
That had ruined her plans for the day; now she was just hoping she
could get to the next, and last, battle site, before the sun set.

What confused her was that most of the people who had approached her
were male. She knew Asuka had made some comment about how she looked
and how she dressed, but she hadn't thought that would be significant.
Apparently, it was.

^Perhaps my belief that I am an ideal being led me to return in
an...admirable human form,^ she thought. ^Unfortunately, it has
brought too much attention to me. Perhaps humility and humbleness
_are_ virtues, as so many of the lilum seem to think.^

On that point, Kensuke had helped her out. The boy had appeared from
around a shelter, just as Ariel had finished pushing off another person
who wanted to talk. Ariel had thought he was like all the others,
trying to get to know her. But instead, he'd asked her where she was
going. He'd been able to notice she was trying to get somewhere.

Ariel had been thankful for the help. Kensuke had led her out of town,
walking next to her. He'd still tried talking with her, but he'd let
her move, at least. Everyone else had usually stepped in front of her,
causing her to almost crash into them.

Kensuke had left without a fuss, once they were some distance from the
town. He'd bowed respectfully and said he'd see her later.

Ariel sighed, thinking about yet _another_ obligation she needed to
fulfill. First she had to see Asuka again, then this boy, and
then...who knew?

She finally made it to the blast crater. Stumbling down into it, she
unshouldered her pack and removed the second stone, with the name
'Bardiel' painted onto it. She followed the same procedure as she had
that morning: placing the stone, followed by a moment of silence. Then
she slung the now-empty pack onto her back again and climbed out.

Someone was waiting for her at the top. As Ariel threw her arms over
the lip of the crater and started pulling herself up, she happened to
look up, getting a view of Rei Ayanami. The setting sun covered the
girl's face and form in shadows, making her seem like an impenetrable
cloud of darkness, stealing the last few rays of the day's light. Rei
stood there, watching her calmly but also intently, with those blood-
red eyes.

Ariel scowled and pulled herself up onto the surface. She got to her
feet and immediately started walking away, before she could even catch
her breath.

Rei started following her. She trailed several meters behind Ariel,
but easily matched the girl's pace, even when she sped up to nearly a
run. And through it all, she never said a word. She didn't make any
noise, save for the sound of her footsteps on the ground.

Finally, Ariel gave up and whirled around, eyes blazing.

"_What?_" she asked, in a fury.

Something indiscernible flickered through Rei's eyes before she
answered. "What were you doing?" she asked, her voice low and soft,
just as it always was.

Ariel turned away. "It is none of your concern, Zero," she said,
walking off.

Rei quickly caught up to the other girl. "Your actions are my concern.
And my name is Rei."

Ariel shot Rei a look that could have melted steel. "I prefer _Zero_,"
she said. "Blank. Neutral. _Nothing._ Very good descriptions of
you, correct?"

"'Rei' has the same meaning, Ariel-san. It is in your own best
interests to call me that. What were you doing?"

Ariel snorted. She knew Japanese quite well. 'Rei' also meant
'spirit'. This..._abomination_ next to her was not a spirit. _It_ was
a demon. A mangled, fouled copy of Mother, a soul-eating monster, that
killed her very brothers. This girl had absolutely _nothing_ to do
with a spirit.

And for that very reason, she knew that she had better answer the
question.

"I was just making my peace with them," Ariel said, finally. "I didn't
agree with their plans, but they at least deserve to be remembered."

"Why?"

Ariel grit her teeth. She did _not_ want to be having this
conversation. "Because I knew them, and now they're dead."

^Not just dead,^ she mentally added on. ^They've utterly ceased to
exist in every way; their physical bodies vaporized, their minds and
psyches destroyed so completely that in the end, there was not even a
soul to return to whence it came.^

"It's only right, Zero," she continued. "Can't you understand that
much?"

Rei just blinked, looking at Ariel. "If they are dead, then they are
no longer a concern."

Ariel's eyes narrowed. Her breathing deepened, as she seethed in
repressed anger. "You don't even deserve to know, Zero. Now leave me
alone."

She turned and walked off, at a rapid pace. This time, Rei did not
pursue. Instead, she looked back at the crater.

^Respect for the dead...^ she thought. She was familiar with the
concept, yet she was still unable to understand it. It was just a
meaningless expenditure of resources and energy.

One corner of her mouth quirked as she remembered where that policy had
come from: the Commander. Gendo Ikari had never believed in respecting
the dead. If they were dead, then they were unreachable, and were no
concern of the living. Right after saying that, he'd mumbled something
to himself, something Rei had only barely heard: 'but if there is _any_
chance of getting them back, you cannot afford to abandon them so
easily.'

Rei started walking towards her shelter, thinking the matter over. She
knew that Shinji and the others had been deeply disturbed by the deaths
resulting from the last battle. They'd done whatever they could to
give those people 'proper' send-offs. Rei had not attended any.

^Another practice I should consider changing,^ she thought. ^I cannot
live by the Commander's way, any longer. I have some...vague
recollection, of discovering that he was _not_ always right. That, in
fact, there were alternatives to following his every command.^

She was still very confused by the concept. But perhaps there was some
merit in it. If an Angel, a being of pure destruction, believed in
honoring fallen comrades, then maybe...

Her thoughts ran in this vein as she made it back to the huge shelter.
She sat down in the shade underneath the large stone roof. It was very
cool underneath, especially now that the sun was beginning to sink
below the horizon.

Rei turned her gaze to the side, where she could see the Eva sitting
there, simultaneously monster and savior, dormant and waiting until it
was called on again.

^That is nothing more than a doll,^ she thought. ^It follows our
commands, and nothing more. True, it has a mind and a soul, but it has
no desires of its own, except perhaps for death.^

Her thoughts stopped as she remembered an...experience she'd had some
time ago. The Dummy had contacted her. It had said that it
was...growing to enjoy killing. How it liked the feel of ending a life
with the Eva's hands.

Rei shook her head. ^Yet that was also a projection of a part of my
own mind,^ she reasoned. ^Perhaps it was only partly the Dummy. I was
not aware that the Dummy plug could learn to feel emotions such as
enjoyment.^

^Or is that any better? It means that the bloodlust actually
originates from me - ^

"Rei..." came a familiar voice.

Rei blinked, snapping out of her thoughts. "Yes, Nagisa-san?" she
asked, as her eyes focused on Kaoru's face, not more than a meter off
to her side. She felt slightly unsettled that the boy had come so
close without her knowing, but she shook off the feeling quickly,
burying it into the depths of her consciousness.

"I have heard that Shinji-kun is looking for you," he said. "I thought
it would be best if you knew in advance. Do you want to see him?"

Rei thought it over, her gaze trailing down to her freshly-healed right
arm.

^I still do not even know what I am,^ she thought, looking at the limb.
^And Ikari-kun confuses my emotions so...effectively.^

"No...now is not the right time," she said, looking away. "Where is
he, now?"

One corner of Kaoru's mouth twitched. "You cannot run from him
forever," he said. "Come what may, I think he would not stop until he
found you. He is somewhat like his father in his pursuit for..." he
said, trailing off.

"For his objective," Rei finished, glanced at him again. "For his
objective of finding what he wants. Yet I...need time to think. That
is all."

Kaoru paused, looking at her. Finally, he seemed to make a decision.
"All right, Rei. Go wait by the Eva. I know Shinji-kun has already
looked there. He will probably not come back that way."

Rei said nothing in response, as she walked off. Behind her, Kaoru
turned and walked back to the shelter.

^I am aware that it is running,^ she thought. ^Again, something I have
never felt the urge to do. Or is it? I remember desiring nothing but
death, long ago...is that running away? Choosing to leave the world
rather than try and find meaning in it?^

"Ayanami," came a new voice.

Rei turned around quickly, surprised. She quickly found herself face-
to-face with Shinji Ikari.

^I do not understand.^ she thought, confused. ^Kaoru-san said that
Ikari-kun would not come here...^

Shinji's gaze immediately went down to Rei's arm. He had a tendency to
do that, recently. But it only lasted a moment. He was soon looking
back up, into the crimson of her eyes, unconsciously seeking out the
contact he had run from barely two years ago.

"I need to talk to you, Ayanami," he said.

Rei felt a surge of emotion within her. Fear, nervousness, and,
somehow, a thread of...security? Yes...a slight comfort, allaying the
fears and anxieties, and scratching at the walls that the black MP Eva
had thrown up. In any case, she could only barely understand it.

^If I leave now, Ikari-kun will know for certain that I am avoiding
him,^ she thought. ^I suppose there is no avoiding this.^

"Yes, Ikari-kun?" she asked, politely.

* * *

Leaning against the wall of the shelter, Kaoru crossed his arms behind
his head and quietly watched Shinji locate Rei by the Eva's foot. His
lips curved into a smile as the two started talking.

"You can't run forever, Rei," he thought. "Forgive me for giving you a
little push in the right direction."

------------------------------------------------------ ----------------
Started: June 17, 2001
Version 1 Completed: June 28, 2001
Version 2 Completed: July 17, 2001
Version 3 Completed: August 16, 2001

Thank you, prereaders: The Avatar of Dragonia, Heavyarms Kai, and
Judging Eagle. Your comments are always useful and welcome.