Author's Note: This is the first time I've made any significant changes to a chapter of my fic, but I've decided, concurring with many of my helpful reviewers, that the original ending to chapter 10 was simply too abrupt. That, coupled with the fact that I didn't have enough material left for another filler chapter, prompted my decision to elongate this one. And with that, I must also, sadly, announce that this is the penultimate chapter in Apocryphal Rhythms. To all who have left reviews: Thanks again for you support and advice!

Neon Genesis Evangelion:

Apocryphal Rhythms

Part10~Revised!!!

by ZERØ's Wings

Misato returned later that day with a fresh pair of clothes for Shinji and his SDAT player. He was still sitting in a small, foldout chair at Rei's bedside, waiting anxiously for any further sign from her. Misato smiled and patted him on the head; her face warm, honest, and motherly.

"I have to go back to headquarters, but I just wanted to tell you that the doctors think Rei will be okay now. She's recovered from the coma and just needs rest. You don't have to stay any longer."

Shinji shook his head. "Yes I do. I have to stay," he said definitively. Shinji returned Misato's affection with an equally warm, open smile. "Thank you."

Misato was now sure that Shinji really did feel something special toward Rei. Even the briefest moment shared between the two children was enough to rejuvenate his broken spirit. Misato delicately kissed Shinji's forehead and left for work.

Shinji quickly changed clothes in the bathroom, keeping the door open just a crack so that he could at least keep one eye on Rei. She was so beautiful, so serene, lying there sleeping under a curtain of golden sunlight.

"…I love you."

He still couldn't believe that those words had left his throat. He wasn't even sure that he felt that way until those words escaped him, but now everything had become so clear. Every thought that terrified him, every possibility that paralyzed him, had become trivial. He might actually be in love, and because of that, all was right with the world.

*****

Rei swam through fresh-blown liquid glass, her mind separating the dazzling, soft colors into millions of luminous, rainbow striped bands of light. She watched as every minute cell in her body slowly repaired itself and joined a system that composed an entire organism. She felt her physical form returning. She felt awareness returning. She had emerged from the void, and the harping voices were silent. Rei I was dead, but she was also an integral part of Rei III's mind now. Rei II had also returned, filling her with love and dreams. She also felt a two elements leave: the volatile, fearsome spirit of Lillith, and the timid, pall-covered spirit of Yui. They were forced out by the new consciousness that was called Rei Ayanami.

*****

Shinji sat and listened to "The Long and Winding Road" on his SDAT. When the song ended, he saw a few leaves drift down outside the window panes, their crusty, russet skins flitting in the cool currents like angel feathers. Autumn had returned to the world.

Seven minutes later, Rei opened her eyes for the second time. She immediately squinted and closed them again. Too much light! her atrophied irises cried out. To her eyes, the world was bathed in an impossibly bright white light. Slowly, she opened them back up, trying to adjust. This time, Shinji looked down, and she saw his wonderful, innocent face again.

"Ayanami!" he cried. "You're back!"

Rei's thin, bruised lips curled up into the most fragile of smiles. When Shinji looked upon that delicate, beautiful face, he was taken to another world. His entire body tingled with pent-up joy. He leaned over, full onto the bed, and hugged her tightly. He recoiled from his own hug almost instantly, realizing just how frail she still was. It felt like holding a porcelain doll, as though she might crack and break apart with the slightest amount of pressure.

"It's wonderful to see you awake again, Ayanami."

"Ikari-kun, where am I?" she said, still groggy and disoriented.

"You're in the hospital, at NERV. Room 404, right next to Asuka. Remember? I've been right here the whole time."

Rei bit her lip and held a hand to her forehead, lost in thought. Shinji couldn't keep from staring at her in wonderment, and his eyes focused intently upon her exquisite, little hands. They're so small, so dainty, Shinji mused. Recovering from her momentary confusion, Rei shook her head. Her mind was still caught in an impenetrable fog. She continued looking about the room in a bewildered fashion; her eyes darting this way and that. She felt disoriented, dizzy even. Another odd "urp!" sound suddenly escaped her throat, and she got a bad taste in her mouth. Shinji saw this, eyes widening, and quickly helped her to the bathroom to spare his second set of clothes.

*****

Rei emptied her stomach into a wastebasket under the sink, heaved dryly for a few moments, and then slumped down beside it, moaning softly and rubbing her stomach. Shinji gave her some water afterwards, knowing her throat would be completely raw. As she drank ravenously, water running down onto her collar, Shinji eyed her with concern. Small bits of vomit were in her hair, as well as on her clothes and hands.

"Oh Rei, you're a mess," Shinji said. "You should take a shower. You'll feel a lot better."

"I cannot stand," Rei answered shakily. "I cannot wash myself."

"Uhm…well, I suppose I could do it for you," Shinji said, blushing furiously. "I mean, if that's okay with you…I-I promise I won't look!"

"Won't look at what?" Rei said, her vermilion eyes large and curious.

"Umm…you know, your, y-you. I won't look at you."

Rei blinked three times, then decided to give up any further questioning. She simply said, "That will be fine."

Shinji stood behind Rei and removed her hospital gown. It came off quite easily; it was a single garment held together only by a few loosely knotted straps. It slid away like a curtain, and he was unable to take his eyes from the sight of her bare back. Well, there are worse things I could be staring at, he thought, and made sure his attention did not stray from it. However, even something as innocuous as her back caused a potent and insuppressible arousal in Shinji. The smooth palette of vanilla skin with a single, broken line of raised mounds; her taught vertebrae peeking up, was uniquely beautiful.

Shinji ran a shaking hand through his hair, his face still red as a firecracker. "Um, I guess, whenever you're ready, I'll start the shower."

"I am ready now," Rei said calmly, turning around a bit so she could look directly into Shinji's face. His wavering, lapis eyes locked with hers for but a moment, and then he had to turn away from her. He focused instead on a towel hanging on an aluminum rack. It was a fascinating towel. In fact, it was the most interesting towel he had ever laid eyes on.

Shinji turned away from the towel and quickly covered his face, then walked across the bathroom, feeling his way along the white, tiled walls, and turned on the shower. He whipped around, covering his eyes again and marched back over to Rei. He gingerly placed his hands under her arms and lifted her halfway to her feet. She made a quick, shrill cry, almost a gasp, and then steadied herself. Her ribs ached painfully as he guided her through each step. He finally deposited her in another heap by the frosted glass doors of the shower and tested the water with an outstretched hand.

"It's nice and warm," Shinji declared, rubbing a few droplets between his fingers.

"Aren't you coming in?" Rei asked with her soft-spoken, meticulous voice. Shinji yelped and stumbled back.

"Uh…Uh…I…" he stammered.

"I require your help in washing myself," She said slowly, deliberately. She then spoke in a more tender voice, trying to imitate Shinji's own concern for her modesty. "It's all right, I won't look." She put her hands over her eyes. Shinji had to smile at this, but he was incredibly nervous all the same. He exhaled deeply, collected himself, then turned away and began to take off his shirt. He fumbled with the buttons, his fingers working with both furious resolve and terrified apprehension.

At last he got his shirt off, and then went to remove his pants. Now, his hands were almost useless, they shook so violently that he couldn't even move them. He stopped, breathed deeply a few times, and considered his actions. I shouldn't be this nervous, he thought. We've both seen the other naked, we're fairly comfortable around each other, and she needs my help. She's so weak she can hardly stand. What am I so worried about?

He unbuckled his belt and slid his pants and underwear down. In that instant he was reminded of the source of all his problems: a certain, insurgent part of his anatomy. His mind reeled as horrible possibilities presented themselves once again. What if she sees me like this. She'll think I'm some kind of pervert. Can't my body just listen to me and do what I tell it? Shrink! Shrink, damn you!

At last Shinji was satisfied that he had regained control of himself. He turned around, and saw that Rei still had her eyes dutifully covered. He sighed and stepped into the shower, lathered up the soap, and washed her back.

"You know, Rei, the last time we talked…" he began nervously.

"You mean now, in the hospital?"

"Yes, the first time."

"A few minutes ago?" she asked.

"No, a few hours ago, when I said…" he paused, biting his lip. He didn't want to say those words again. It frightened him much more, now that he was no longer distraught with sadness and tragedy.

"Said what, Ikari-kun?"

"Umm…" he tried to phrase it a different way, "uh, Rei, do you remember me saying anything…important, or, uh, special to you recently?"

"You said it was wonderful to see me. That was nice." She turned around and smiled at him, at the same time exposing her breasts. Shinji let out a mortified squeak and pretended he had gotten soap in his eyes.

"Umm, uh, no, that wasn't it," he said, fishing blindly for a towel. "Don't you remember at all the first time you got up?"

"I just woke up a few minutes ago," Rei said, handing him a towel.

She doesn't remember, Shinji thought. He felt like he had just been hit in the stomach with a bag of bricks. He felt like the world had just burned up into ashes around him. Shinji rubbed his eyes vigorously with the towel, gritting his teeth.

Very gradually, the acid in his stomach settled back down. He began to examine the situation more rationally. Now, Shinji felt almost relieved now that she didn't remember their first conversation. She was awfully groggy, he recalled. Besides, he wasn't sure if he was ready to declare his feeling to her anyway. The gesture had been premature, and he had been scared out of his mind for her life. He knew that if she died, he would regret not telling her forever. Fortunately, he no longer had to worry about such horrible things. Rei was going to be all right.

"Um, Rei, can you turn around again so I can finish washing your back?" Shinji strained to keep his eyes averted.

"Oh, of course." Rei turned away as asked. Shinji grabbed the soap and finished scrubbing Rei's back. He could feel her tense muscles beginning to relax. She leaned her head back a bit, wishing the feeling would never end. The massaging motions of the soap bar in his hands relieved her soreness, and, coupled with the thin jets of warm water, it felt like absolute paradise, a level of comfort she had never experienced.

"I only have cold water at my apartment," Rei said, closing her eyes and letting the water run down her chest and back through her hair. "This is very good."

"Yeah," Shinji said with a nervous chuckle. "There's nothing a warm shower can't cure."

"That and chicken soup, according to your rather unorthodox medical practices."

"Yes, that's right," Shinji said, chuckling again. He cleaned her hair thoroughly with shampoo, working fastidiously to remove every last trace of her vomit.

Rei slowly turned around, bracing herself against the shower door. Shinji anticipated this motion and quickly looked down at his feet before she was fully turned around. Rei eyed him questioningly, still somewhat confused by his embarrassment. She blinked; then stifled a yawn as she stood upon shaky legs. She was beginning quite relaxed, and that brought back a strong wave of fatigue. "I require more rest," she said, "Please finish washing me."

Shinji swallowed nervously. How can I do this? he thought, the warmth of arousal spreading back into him. I can't hardly look at her, let alone touch her.

"Why do you hesitate?" she asked. "I require your assistance."

"I just can't, Rei."

"I am giving you my permission, Shinji-kun. You may touch me, because it is necessary."

Shinji raised the washcloth, his hand trembling, and hastily scrubbed her face, neck, chest, and arms. He waited as the soap and water flowed together and poured down over her body in bubbly streams. Rei's head tilted back and she stood unevenly, her arms hanging limp by her sides. Shinji ignored his frothing hormones and finished cleaning her.

"There you go," he said with a good-natured smile, "all clean!" She was already fast asleep. A peal of laughter almost left Shinji, but he stifled it at the last moment to keep from waking her. Instead, he turned the water off, and gingerly carried her out of the shower, and wrapped both of their nude forms up in fluffy white bathrobes.

Rei woke up for a moment, feeling the warmth of the robe against her wet skin, and looked up to Shinji, her eyes wide, child-like, and completely innocent. Shinji's heart skipped a beat. Perhaps it skipped two, he couldn't be sure. This moment transcended time. It was perhaps the most incredible, moving expression she had ever allowed Shinji to see. It was a look of absolute comfort, and belonging.

Rei was struck an instant later by a sudden, acute sadness. She had just remembered her duty to the commander. Tomorrow, the Instrumentality Project was to commence. She drew in a quick breath, and her face fell back into its neutral, expressionless safety.

Shinji tucked her back into her bed and pulled up a chair. Shinji helped Rei back into bed, then sat down beside her and turned on his SDAT. Rei sat and watched him intently for a moment, her ruby eyes glistening, and then spoke, slowly, unsure.

"What are you listening to?" she asked. Her voice was hushed, but she was not speaking in her normally quiet tone. This was a small, shy voice that Shinji had never heard before.

"Oh, it's one of my favorites," Shinji said, smiling. "It's another piece by Bach. It's called 'Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring.'

Then, even more uncertain, her voice wavering: "Can I…listen with you?"

"I'd like that." Shinji got up from his chair and sat down on the bed, beside her. She motioned for him to lie down and he obeyed, staying above the covers just to keep things…appropriate.

Rei turned her head toward Shinji, and she gave him a beautiful, genuine smile that never failed to amaze him. A feeling of coldness and objectivity had often surrounded Rei. Her taciturn, impersonal nature distanced her from people, kept her alone and socially underdeveloped. Now, to see her honestly happy and sharing affection, was a rare, and amazing gift to Shinji.

Shinji couldn't have felt safer, lying next to Rei and resting peacefully with his favorite music. Rei's presence alone accounted for much of his feeling of security. She felt almost like a mother to him, there was some innate warmth and tenderness in her.

And yet, he loved her in a completely different way. She had changed noticeably in the short time he had known her, become a more fully realized person, and yet remaining simple and exquisite. I wish I could stay here forever, he thought. The song drew to a close, all too soon, and Shinji was terrified that this perfect moment would end, and he would never recover it.

"It's beautiful," Rei said, here eyes closed but the wonderful smile still on her face. "Can we hear it again?"

"Of course! All you have to do is ask." Shinji sank back into his lumpy, uncomfortable pillow. How does she sleep on these things? he mused. Then, he was completely taken away by the soft, lilting piano keys.

*****

Late that night, Rei was startled awake from a host of disturbing nightmares, the first she had ever experienced. From her window, she had a perfect view of the moon, a bald, cobalt sphere, mottled with scars in the cusps of shadows. It was emitting a pale blue aura that Rei found strangely comforting.

Rei could feel the bed move ever so slightly each time Shinji's chest rose and fell. He was sleeping peacefully beside her, still lying above the covers in his bathrobe. She pushed a few locks of dark, brown hair away from his face and smiled.

"We'll be together soon," Rei said. An impenetrable shadow appeared over her. She nodded slowly to herself, not having to look up to know whom it was. It was, of course, Gendo Ikari standing over her like a grim, blackened minaret.

"Well, let's go. This is the day for which you were created, Rei."

She swallowed hard, returning the poisonous taste of dread to her quaking stomach. Rei managed to keep her mask of pale, elegant flesh intact. Her crimson eyes were locked forward, and served only as mirrors of Gendo's face. He was not wearing his glasses, and Rei was able to stare straight from her soul into his. Gendo's eyes were the same color as Shinji's; in fact, they were strikingly similar. Those were Shinji's eyes after he had maimed Toji. Those were his eyes after he killed Kaoru. Those were his eyes for a brief moment each time she awoke from the land of the dead. They were the eyes of a beautiful person who had lost his soul.

"Yes sir," she managed.

End part10