Hey peoples, how are you all. I am sooooooooooo horrible aren't I. I just realized that haven't given you all a new chapter in 5 months. *slaps her head repeatedly* what sort of writer am I. I'm sooooooooooo sorry *gets on her hands and knees and begs forgiveness*. I forgot about this story because I thought nobody liked me but just today I saw the reviews and had to write another. *Sigh* I'm suck a sucker for reviews. I have really low self-esteem don't I. I need constant outside reassurance of the worthiness of my existence. AHHHHHHHH I haven't been writing for too long, I went into story mode just then in my author notes.

Anyway, you are all sick of me aren't you and no one ever reads this note, I certainly know I don't. Well I am here to say I own nothing here, except the twisted story.

On a more specific note to the Duke, Sorry, I realized the needs of my readers for Shinji and Kaworu sex are more intense than I first predicted so I hope this Kaworu/Shinji rape scene (or not) will satisfy you. On with the sad story.

Heaven nor Hell 5

Shinji's groaned slightly as pain seemed to lance through his body, he swam briefly in the pain that had become his only company through the dark of the night trapped under the larger body of, him. In a daze he felt the warm sunshine lightly caressing his body and almost coarse cotton sheets covering his naked flesh. He took in a deep breath as the smell of lavender seemed to sink into his senses, it was all wrong. Shinji's eyes jerked open as memories slammed into him but accompanying these beautiful senses was the realization that he was in hell, these emotions have not place in the brutal depths of pure hopelessness, which was the Christian equivalent to pure evil. Forcing his body to a sitting position he was only able to shift his gaze around the room before his strength gave way causing him to collapse backwards onto the coarse sheets. Shinji's head swam with the pain of Kaji's past assault. No hope, he was too weak, closing his eyes he waited for the cruel clutches and the mocking tone. There was nothing, only the lightest caress of slim fingers on his feverish skin, a familiar voice whispering sweet words that Shinji could not make out, it was impossible, it couldn't be, forcing his eyes open he tried to focus his gaze but with sight came the cruel unforgiving light. The beautiful drifting voice left him, leaving Shinji's hand to hover in the air. Shinji cried out almost in physical pain at the parting but trying to get up proved detrimental as he tumbled off the bed striking the floor with a hard thud. As the light seemed to recede there were repeated thuds of feet striking the ground, someone was by his side, someone familiar, someone he could never forget. Shinji's eyes flew open, Kaworu.

Tears arose unbidden to blur Shinji's sight, suddenly he pushed Kaworu away, turning his sight away as his love's body struck the floor with a light thud, mumble a sequence of nonsense in almost fear, he dragged his body away from Kaworu's kind but sad gaze "No . . . if he sees you he'll kill you . . . run . . . leave me . . .go." Kaworu's eyes creased slightly and rushing forward slamming Shinji's sore body into his tight embrace trying to avoid the Shinji's wounds. "I love you." These simple words tore into his heart, there was silence as the curtain induced darkness seemed to form a sanctuary, there was nothing outside of this room, outside of them, outside the beat of their hearts, outside this single moment in time where nothing mattered. Pulling Shinji's body from his, Kaworu smiled as he saw the tears pooling in Shinji's glimmering orbs. Using his knuckles to brush them away he smiled as he whispered in an almost sad tone, "I'm just a silly boy. I understand if you don't feel the same." He let out a forced laugh but before he could pull away Shinji surged forward and caught Kaworu's lips in a gentle kiss. Kaworu smiled as he pulled Shinji's body forward and using his weight, he gently lowered his body to cover Shinji's trembling body.

Supporting his body by his elbows, Kaworu smiled down at the blushing boy beneath him, cocking his eyes he leaned down to rest his lips just beside Shinji's ear "trust me" Shinji looked at Kaworu's kind features looking down upon him, there was a brief silence before Shinji shook his head. Turning his features away in regret he whispered "I can't . . . I'm sorry . . . please wait for me Kaworu . . . I'm too scared . . . I . . ." Shinji could say no more as Kaworu's lips descended upon his own. Pulling away Kaworu repeated "Trust me." Shinji tried to protest "Kaworu I can't, we can't do it here . . . where are we . . . where is Kaji . . . please . . . no . . . Kaworu . . . " Shinji strained against Kaworu's insistent touch. Fear started to bloom in his chest, no, shaking away the fear he tried to calm himself, Kaworu wouldn't hurt him, he was only a little carried away, he would stop. Shinji lay like a strung bow his whole body tense as he felt Kaworu's lips caress his cheeks, he hoped his lack of response would be a clear indication of his unwillingness, Kaworu did not stop.

Slowly slim fingers trailed their way from the hollow of Shinji's throat down his body, the slight raise of his chest, and the small nubs of darker flesh seemed to catch Kaworu's attention. Gentle fingers lightly traced around his nipples the cold air that seemed to suddenly blow through the room brought his nipples to a hardened state. Kaworu's light kisses became more intense turning into firm licks along the side of his neck tasting of him like a delicacy he had to savor, smiling into Shinji's throat he opened his lips and bit deep into the flesh that tempted him, licking, sucking, savoring the taste of metallic blood consuming Kaworu's senses. Suddenly Kaworu straightened and looked down at Shinji's tightly clenched eyes. Relieved that finally Kaworu understood that he wasn't ready, Shinji didn't expect the small mocking smile as Kaworu's hand dropped to the sheet that had covered his lower body while he lay in the bed. Even when he had fallen to the ground Shinji did not realize his predicament, but now faced with lust shining clear in the eyes of the young man he loved he knew that there was something wrong and the fact that he was naked did not help in the slightest. The sheet was torn away and Shinji gasped as the cool air caressed his naked skin. Shinji cried out in desperation "No, stop" Unable to hold still and escape his fate Shinji struggled wildly, "I love you Kaworu . . . no . . . I don't want this." Struggling against Kaworu's stronger hold he only managed to press naked body more firmly to Kaworu's clothed form. Pining Shinji's hands firmly above his head, Kaworu whispered "But I do."

Shazz no da- Hey Shazz stop getting into my reviews. I need pity reviews from my friends, I'm so sad. *Sigh* I need a vacation.

Leoangel44- Thanks, I still suck. Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh. Sorry low self esteem.

Kaos- I'm good, thank you soooooooooooooo much. I'm so glad you don't regret reading my fic. *Low self esteem pokes Jamethiel* Piss off, I know I'm bad at this wwaaaaaaaahhh.

The Duke of Gayshire- ooooooooh I know the demands of my hentai Kaworu/Shinji fans, so this is for you. And if you are reading this you get a hint, I like torture, hehehehehehehehe. I need a vacation.

Majin Pluto- Yaaaaaaaahh. Ok, challenge. Hehehehehehehehehe. I know, up for a 6x5 rape fic. I love Fei soooooooo much. But put him on bottom, if you put him on top I'll personally take you apart and turn you into a little . . . *Hits her head on the table*Sorry. Yeah a Milliardo on Fei rape fic post Eve War. Hehehehehehehehe Milliardo wants some revenge on Fei trying to kill him in the One Year War as well as trying to destrpy the world and let's not forget his stuck up attitude, but he's really a broken boy underneath (blatant Fei advertisement) because of all that happened to him in his past and the pressure of his clan, I bet you he was kind but because of something his family did or something he became bitter . . . (I'm rambling *Hits her head on the table*)

Hehehehehehehehehehehehe. I'm soooooooooo evil to Fei though. On a second note this challenge is for anyone who wants to reward this overworked (or not) heantai, rape fic addicted writer. Wwaaaaaaaahhhhhhh I'm so deprived of Fei NC-17 fics. FEED ME.

Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh I'm so mean, I want to cry, hehehehehehehehehehehe I'm so evil, sorry but no lemon this chapter, next chapter, stuff is going to happen, I've actually got the next chapter partly ready before this. I love you all. Kaworu/Shinji forever.