Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Ignored, Abandoned, and Forsaken ❯ Chaos Turning into Order ( Chapter 1 )

Ignored, Abandoned, and Forsaken

Ch. 1 "Chaos Turning into Order"

You all know the drill. I don't own Eva and probably never will. I also do not own any individual piece of Eva. Also, I have read nearly 2,000 Eva fics. I am deeply sorry if I accidentally use a part of your fic in mine. I would acknowledge all that had influenced me, but I can't even remember all those that have. If I do use something from your fic or something similar, e-mail me and after an investigation on your claim (if I find that I may have done this) I will add your name to credits…don't forget to include your FF.net name and title of the Fic. Also, if I do this take it as a complement because obviously I thought it as really good idea. Don't get too angry with me…please. I have confirmed a claim of influence by another fic. This fic is named Wake. I don't know how I could have ever forgotten this fic because it is most likely the best Eva fic I have ever read. The sad thing is, is that I must have sub-consciencely been influenced by it. Wake and the ideas for this fic are near identical. Though we do it in a slightly different way, the similarities are staggering. Well, I have decided that this is more of a tribute to Wake…or something like that. I will still finish it, but…well you will see how similar my ideas were to the ones expressed in Wake. Wake was written by T. L. Webb (Hotwire). He did a wonderful job with the fic. One last thing, I will probably rewrite this chapter and whatever chapters may follow to make the language better. Right now it doesn't flow write and I have to thank my reviewers for pointing that out. I will try and rewrite this as well as get the next chapter out by the end of this month…granted other things do not come up.

[ ] = Author notes

* * = actions during speech

thoughts

EMPHISIZED (or) words in speech

------------------------ = breaks in point of view or story sections

" " = speech

I am a Shinji/Asuka fan, so if for some reason (which is beyond me) you like to see Shinji with Rei or someone else…you most likely won't like this fic. This fic also carries a lot of angst parts in it. This is a post 3I fic. I know this kind of combination has been done a lot, but I had an idea for this fic so I am gonna write it. This is my first Eva fic…not first fic, but Eva fic. My work has been…in other areas. I own and have seen the entire series. I have yet to see EoE so I will try and stay away from references to it. Since, EoE ends fairly bluntly, this leaves me with much room to move. I have read many 3I fics and even a short scene by scene description of EoE so I am not totally ignorant of what occurs. I like reviews, but I hate single sentence (or less) reviews. If you do choose to flame me, then you better explain why you hate it. Just coming in and saying "it sucks" is the most ignorant thing I could possibly hear. Tell me why it sucks. What part do you distaste? Oh and if anyone out there who is a die-hard Shinji/Rei fan please explain to me why that relationship is so much better than a S/A one. Other than originality, I can't see why anyone would like that. Rei, for all intents and purposes, is Shinji's sister. If you like that then move down south where people do that. To me it is just sickening. Please, I really want to know what drives you people to like that relationship. Oh well, on with the fic…

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Shinji and Asuka are lying on the beach shortly after Third Impact. The orangish-red water lapping up at the shore. The sky is a pinkish red color. Out at sea there are a number of crucified white Eva units. Shinji stirs awake with a slight headache and after getting his bearing straight he notices Asuka lying next to him. Suddenly, all the insults she ever said and all the physical abuse she dished out comes back to him and a wave of anger flows over him. The pain and anger she caused can no longer be controlled. His eyesight goes red with fury as he starts to choke her.

Die…DIE…DIE!

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Asuka awakens slowly to find a pressure on her neck. She is slightly confused on why she can't breathe. This realization causes her to panic. Her eyesight comes into focus to find that it is Shinji's hands grasping her delicate neck.

Shinji? Why?

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Shinji glares down on her with the fury of an angry god. He barely registers Asuka's hand reach up to his face.

Huh?! Oh no…now I am gonna get it!

He cringes in expectation of her retaliatory attack. It never comes. He feels her hand gently caress his face and opens his eyes to find her gazing sadly at him.

This isn't like her.

She looks almost as if she has accepted death.

Her eyes…they seem so distant…so full of pain.

Shinji's memory is floods of all the times Asuka actually acted like a normal, if not nice, person. A surge of sorrow strikes him and he releases his grip.

Oh God Asuka I am so sorry!

His muscles give out and he collapses on top of her weeping.

Please forgive me! I could never kill you.

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As Asuka's life is slowly leaving her she sees all the times she was mean and cruel to the young man and feels sadly sympathetic.

Oh Shinji…I am so sorry. I deserve this. Please make it quick.

She slowly comes to accept that it is her time to go and that maybe the world would be a happier place for Shinji if she were not there to hurt him. So she chooses her last move to express her sorrow for Shinji and reaches up and caresses his face. As her hand softly grazes his face, she watches his deep, blue eyes snap open and peer down on her.

He is kinda cute. He definitely has great eyes.

In an instant his expression morphs from pure hatred to remembrance to anguish. He, unexpectedly, lets go of her and falls on top of her weeping. She almost feels angry that he still has no dedication to go through with his actions.

NO! I don't deserve…Arg! Why can't you do anything!

She could have sworn she heard him mutter "sorry" somewhere between his sobs. She lays there for quite some time with his shaking body on top of his, letting the refreshing and reinvigorating air, flow into her lungs. She glances past Shinji and over the ocean. Afterwards mumbling, "How sickening." By this time Shinji had quieted down and apparently fell asleep.

Stupid Evas! How dare you still exist. If only mamma was here, I would go out there and kick all their asses! Oh, wow am I tired.

It didn't take long before exhaustion over took Asuka as well.

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Shinji wept on top of Asuka for quite some time before he calmed down.

God, she must hate me for crying!

As he drifted off to sleep he could have sworn she had said, "How sickening." He immediately took it to meaning that she was sick of him.

Why can't she just be nice for one moment. So…very…tired…

He would have thought on it more, but exhaustion was too much for him to fend off anymore. After a while of quiet sleep, he woke to find Asuka sleeping softly with her left arm draped over him. He sat up and examined her to find things he had somehow missed before such as her bandaged right arm and eye.

How did I miss these before?

He then grows red in the face as he realizes how close he was to her body. This is immediately followed by a quickly stifled nosebleed. [Ah the classic nosebleed humor. I just had to use it.]

She would kill me if she knew what I was thinking.

His mind soon flows to thoughts on his next actions. He spends much time contemplating leaving her behind, but he comes the conclusion that he couldn't leave her especially now that she couldn't fend for herself with her injuries. He quickly writes in the sand near Asuka, and takes off toward town almost in a run.

No…I can't leave her now…not now. She needs me whether she wants to admit it or not.

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Asuka slowly awakens and realizes Shinji is gone. She is slightly saddened at the thought of being alone again.

He…left. Figures everyone always leaves me.

It doesn't take her long to berate herself for even thinking that she might need him.

What am I thinking! I don't care for that baka nor do I need him!

She then becomes quite aware that her vision isn't complete and that her right arm has a stabbing pain in it when she tries to move it. She quickly finds that her one eye is bandaged, as is her right arm.

Where did these come from?

She props herself onto her left arm and, with some effort, sits up cradling her injured arm trying to subdue the throbbing pain. As she looks around she is shocked to find a slightly eroded message written in the sand next to her. It reads:

Asuka,

I went to find food, clothing, shelter, and anything else we might need. Please don't leave, please. I will be back soon. Just don't leave. I am sorry.

Asuka stands to find a large, smooth rock near by for her to lean up against as her strength is severely sapped.

Well I guess he isn't like everyone else.

It isn't long before she is out again. Before her mind fades into sleep she ponders on why he would try to kill her then ask her not to leave. Just as the answer becomes clear to her, she falls asleep and loosing it just as it was in her grasp.

Oh…I…underst…

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Shinji had found a nice camping spot, a good amount of canned food, a couple of sleeping bags, as well as a few other useful items. He races back to the beach and finds Asuka gone and starts to panic.

She isn't here! Oh God this isn't real! She left…I am alone again. Wait…

It doesn't take long for him to find her asleep, leaning on a rock. The strangest thing is that she has a small smile on her face. The beautiful smile, which he didn't see often when living with her, but tries so hard to bring out of her.

That smile…it makes everything worth while.

Carefully he slides his arms under her knees and back. He picks her up and finds that she is surprisingly light. As he holds her he once again stifles a nosebleed. He carries her quietly to the camping spot he found in the forest. He then, delicately and complicatedly, slides her into one of the sleeping bags and starts a fire with a lighter and some scrap wood he collected from the ruins of the near by city. The day was getting late so he started to cook a can of baked beans he found in a supermarket. [Of course, it is the perfect camping food.] When the food is finished he pours some into a hard plastic cup and takes it over to where Asuka is sleeping. He dreads having to wake her up, but she must eat something. He kneels next to her with cup and spoon in hand.

Please don't let her be too mad.

"Asuka, wake up. You've got to eat." Her blue eye flutter open. She turns her head to look at Shinji.

Whew! Maybe I should help her…would she mind? Well, there is only one way to find out.

He can tell she is worn out so he puts the cup down to his right and props her up with his left arm. He scoops some of the beans with the spoon in his right and brings it to her lips. Her tired eye shows that she recognizes what is happening and she slowly opens her mouth. He feeds the beans to her. She cringes slightly and swallows. She hoarsely whispers, "Baka…it's…too hot." He chuckles slightly at something not entirely mean coming from her. He apologizes, "Gomen." which brings a frown from her stemming from her distaste to his apologies.

Well she is taking this well. Maybe she has changed…maybe.

This time when he scoops up the beans he softly blows on them to cool them off and then feeds them to her. She eats them more cautiously this time, but doesn't react negatively. He successfully feeds her 5 more spoonfuls before she falls asleep once again. He gently lays her down and make sure the sleeping bag is zipped up. Just before he goes back to eat he smiles as wipes a bit of the bean sauce from her lower lip. [Does anyone know the name of the stuff that baked beans are in. I just thought sauce would be the best word to describe it.]

Well that wasn't bad…not bad at all.

He returns to his bag on the other side of the fire and polishes off the rest of the beans by himself. The food is terrible, but once you have eaten anything prepared by Misato everything can taste good.

Didn't someone once say that hunger was the greatest spice?

While he eats he finds himself staring at Asuka from across the fire. He apologizes to no one in particular for his rudeness.

I am glad she didn't hear me otherwise I would be in a world of hurt.

He then lays down in his sleeping bag and soon finds that he has fallen asleep. His dreams centering on a certain red head.

Goodnight…Asuka.

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Asuka slowly awakens to the feeling of movement. She opens her eye to see that Shinji is carrying her in his arms. She also finds that there is a quaint smile on his face. She decides not to disturb his happy demeanor, so she quietly falls back to sleep with a slightly warm feeling of being carried.

What…oh…maybe not. Besides…I am too tired to even say "hentai".

She awakens again to his voice, "Asuka, wake up. You've go to eat." She opens her eye slowly to the sight of a fire, Shinji sitting to her right, and smell of food. The smell is of baked beans, which she always liked as a child. The mere smell sets her mouth to watering.

Mmmm…beans. It has been so long since I have something not Japanese.

Though it wasn't her favorite food, it was a nice break from the curry she had to eat for the last year. Not that the curry was bad, it is just that after a while it got bland. She was far too weak and tired to eat herself, but before she could say so Shinji had proper her up with his left arm. He raises a spoonful of the food to her lips. She inhales the long lost scent of the food and opens her mouth. As the food is deposited into her mouth she quickly realizes it was too hot. She was determined not break her hard and tough outer shell. [The fact that she is being fed must have eluded her. What man can truly understand a woman or for that matter Asuka, who seems to be a whole different story altogether.] She swallows the hot meal and winces as it slides down her throat. "Baka…it's…too hot." She manages to get out.

What! He is feeding me! How dare he! I guess I am kinda letting him aren't I? He will live for now, but once I get my strength back he is gonna be in a world of pain.

She hears something come from Shinji that she didn't hear often. She heard him chuckle.

Shinji…chuckle…that isn't like him. He is kinda cute when he smiles.

She watches as he takes the next scoop and blows slightly on it. She is cautious this time as she consumes the sustenance. She is surprised as she finds the food to be the perfect temperature. She quickly feels a blush coming on. This continues on for 5 more spoonfuls before she fall back into her deep sleep. Her dream focusing on a certain 15 year old Japanese boy.

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To Be Continued….

A/N: What do you think of it? Feed back is nice…as long as you explain. I do plan on writing the next chapter. I just don't know when I will get the chance. E-mail me or put it in the review thing if you have any questions or comments on it. I'll be happy to help.

Thanks goes out to all those who have reviewed already. I know this isn't a completely great make over of the fic, but I feel happy with it as it is now. I will definitely start on the next chapter now. I admit Asuka is a little OOC but that is because she is half-asleep the entire chapter. No person acts the same when they are very tired. There isn't much conversation because they are both a little scared of each other and there is that whole tired thing. I basically designed this chapter to get the way this fic will flow out. I also wanted the reader to see Shinji as a nice guy who does things for other people without needing a reward. I separated the Shinji and Asuka parts because later in the fic I needed the readers (you people) to see it first from Shinji's perspective and then Asuka's or the other way around. This will move your opinion and feelings of the characters around greatly. You'll see what I mean. Asuka will be back to her normal fiery self next chapter. Also, the angsty parts will begin next chapter. To those who doubt how close this fic is to Wake…well just watch and see. My ideas run very close to Wake's. Like I said earlier…you'll see.

Thanks for helping and feel free to express you opinions.