Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ In the Dark Room ❯ Aperture ( Chapter 10 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is a Studio Gainax production, its characters created by Hideaki Anno. They say the word, and this story ceases to exist.

In the Dark Room: Aperture

By Midnight_Cereal

Misato Katsuragi had taken Shinji to this rocky outcropping overlooking Tokyo-3 on his second day in the fortress city. For the first time in three years one of them had returned. Below him and far beyond, the land quickly sloped into a low-lying miasma of orange dusk and ozone, sinking until it met the lip of Memorial Crater.

It was entirely possible from the perspective offered to the young man to peer at the impenetrable forestscape below and across the vast excavation reaming the ancient, cavernous valley, and imagine the area being entirely void of human population. That fantasy would be supplemented by the quiet at the overlook, as the sounds from the homes below and living city far below overlapped, aggregated, or diffused.

It was the perfect place for a phone call.

Pulling his eyes away from the vista, he sighed and reached into his pocket. His contact list was woefully sparse, and it only took Shinji a moment to find the right number. He had dialed it -or at least began to dial it- on numerous instances. He had never, not once in two years, completed the call.

His youthful face, a seamless amalgam of the hard lines of his father's and the softness of his mother's, was set in a rigid mask that would have broken Misato's heart and given his current guardian pause. That look remained as the phone rang on the other end. A new sound replaced the dial tone.

“Yeah, who is it?” A young girl's voice, light and heedless of formality.

“Hi, Mari,” Shinji started, “you probably don't remem-”

“Oh. My. God. Don't hang…h-hold on!” Over the connection there was a muffled trampling and distant but distinct voices bouncing off imagined walls. Then a shout and shuffling. Once more a voice came into aural focus, and this time it was not Mari's.

“Shinji? Shinji, man, is that you?”

“Yeah.”

“Where the hell have you been, man? I thought you died or something!”

There was a silence between the two for a span of seconds.

“Shinji…you know how long it's been?”

“Yeah.”

“Who the hell do you think you are?”

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Dr. Maya Ibuki stalked toward the main Nerv mess hall. She wasn't wearing her lab coat or a skirt or business slacks. Beige cargo pants hugged her hips and black canvas soles were the only thing separating her bare feet from the cold gunmetal grey of the floor. Nor was she holding or browsing technical papers. But after talking with Sachiko, and then leaving Maruzen-nishi for Central Dogma to confirm her protégé's suspicions, Maya was more than prepared for what she was about to do.

Everything she needed to know, Sachiko told her:

“Maya…the core data that was used during the accident wasn't the set intended for the test.”

“Please tell me which data set was used in the experiment, then.”

“Well, last night I began a core sim using RNC before I realized that I had imposed the wrong initial conditions. I think I was getting tired, because when I restarted the simulation, I realized I had also loaded core schematics from three weeks ago by mistake.”

“But that in itself shouldn't have prevented a normal sim run, Sachiko.”

“Not if it's the same data set. I found that out when I switched the three week-old data set with the one we actually used. When I compared the two, activated all pathways, I found out that in the newest rewrite, at over seventy percent synchronization, the entry plug filtration loop is shorted-”

“WHAT?”

“That feature wasn't in the old core, Maya. Someone designed it, put it in the final test version”

“I don't understand. If that was the case, then LCL purity should've gone to hell during the simulations you were running, too.”

“I thought about that. You know it's the Magi that control and record all processes, definitely the processes during the accident on Sunday. If someone really wanted to, if they had access, they could load the old working core into RNC when we were trying to run a sim to find out what went wrong. Without us even knowing.”

“Someone…someone tried to kill Shinji.”

“Sempai, listen, please. To save time last night, I ran RNC with the faulty rewrite using Balthazar and my laptop for different conditions. My computer isn't connected with the Magi, so guess what happened when I ran the program on it?”

“LCL contamination at seventy percent…and Balthazar finished the run and reported no errors. They tried to poison him…like a rat.”

“All I needed to do was find out how they cut our ability to sever the synch connection. I checked the Magi's ghost log to see if anyone other than you had accessed-”

“You did what?”

“I-I…it was the only way to find out who it was-”

“You know you don't have clearance to directly access the Magi.”

“I know. I'm sorry, Maya...sempai.”

“…I didn't say stop.”

“I…oh…okay. You're not upset?”

“Nah. I'm surprised you remembered, that's all, Sachiko. I only told you about it once. So what did you find out?”

“I went to look at the entry and exit times, and PINs that were used, and just accepted that it might take a while to find something. I ended up just writing one PIN down. Whoever it was, they had a level seven clearance, or at least the PIN of someone with a level seven clearance. How many people have that kind of power here?”

“Four.”

“I have to tell you, sempai, whoever it was, they weren't trying very hard to cover their tracks. I'm sure they didn't know about the ghost log, but changing the design of an Evangelion core? Using an authentic Nerv PIN? They knew they were probably going to get caught.”

“Sachiko, the goal was to kill him, nothing else. Shinji's not the most famous person in the world, but many of those in the know see him as the greatest hero that ever lived. I've seen people debate that claim until their faces turned blue, but when someone like him is murdered, there's going to be questions.”

And Maya was going to get her answers. Now.

The current head of Project Eva reached the threshold of the cafeteria, exhaled, stepped through, and carefully and thoroughly scanned the near and far walls. She tuned out the closed circuit television above and to the right of her, incessantly blaring banal reminders for employees to wash their hands after eating, to bus their own trays, a warm welcome to the new Operations Planning Manager of the Hamburg Branch; Yoroshiku, Captain Kohl and now she was tuning it out…

Maya deliberately turned her focus from the edges to the middle of the large room. As hungry Nerv scientists, technicians, and engineers brushed past her to satiate their appetite, she studied the faces at each bench. Even with her blurred vision she could tell most were smiling, happily chatting and laughing with their fellow coworkers.

Was the mess hall always like this? Was it always awash with a vitality that was so woefully, painfully absent during the war that Maya vividly remembered hearing Aoba scrape the last of the peach cobbler from the bottom of the food tray from all the way across the…

There he was.

Maya had no more time to waste, so the Fukuoka Prefecture native began to make her way towards him, turning sideways to wade through the sitting, eating, socializing cafeteria patrons. “Dr. Ibuki! Hi!” someone, a woman, shouted over the concussive din. Maya pretended she did not hear as she pushed forward.

She broke through and arrived at an island of solitude, the object of her attention sitting alone, seemingly unaware of his spectator as he took another bite of his turkey sandwich. It wasn't until the doctor was standing over his left shoulder and breathing down his neck that the man paused.

He mechanically laid his half-eaten meal down on his paper bag, wiped his hands on a napkin, deliberately cleared his throat, and then formally acknowledged her. “Hi, Maya. Is there something I can do for you?”

Maya Ibuki then gave the most beatific, sinfully impish, heart-stopping bridge bunny smile she had manufactured since the age of sixteen…right before her fist crashed into Makoto Hyuga's jaw. He rocked back and unceremoniously keeled over, Maya's forward momentum carrying her past him.

The woman caught herself and then rose. Hyuga was still moving, craggily pulling himself back to his seat as he readjusted his crooked frames. Maya wasn't smiling anymore, and she noted absently that no one in the room was talking, either.

“I take it you know. Don't you?” Hyuga asked as he rubbed his sore jaw.

Maya raised a quaking, throbbing fist, and with a control she honestly did not realize she still possessed, lowered it. “You think you're the only one that lost something, Hyuga? We all could've died a dozen times over and Shinji saved us, he saved us EVERYTIME! What were you doing while he was out there fighting for everyone? What were you doing when his father and the committee and those things were CRUSHING HIM? It was your fault as much as it was ANYONE ELSE'S. EVERYONE sat back and let him fall.”

She leaned in until their noses were almost touching. Hyuga unflinchingly returned Maya's stare, defiant and unapologetic.

“And you know what else, you angry, sorry little…bitch?” The irate woman asked, the volume of her shaking voice carrying her words to a captive audience stunned by the violence of her actions and speech. “It was MISATO'S fault, too, and when she died, she knew that. She had used him just like we all did, and when he finally collapsed -like a HUMAN BEING, Hyuga- she paid for it. You should've just accepted it.”

“I did it for her.” At his whispered declaration she reared back and laughed, much to the man's consternation and the profound, tangible disquiet of everyone witnessing the confrontation.

“Oh, Hyuga,” she began after regaining her composure, “you lie like you fuck. If Misato knew what you tried to do, you think she would thank you for avenging her? Or would she shoot and stab you?”

“Um…excuse me…Dr. Ibuki?”

She turned around, and looked up. Though his eyes were hidden behind black reflective shades, Maya could tell the security agent addressing her was thoroughly shell-shocked. “Did you just get here, Mr.…”

“Choi. I've been here…” Something awkward passed over his square face. “…long enough. Can I just do my job? Please?”

As Maya Ibuki stepped aside to give him access to her stoic former coworker, she smiled slightly at the agent, doing nothing to quell the unease reflected in his countenance. At the (much) larger man's behest Hyuga stood, turning a cold eye to Maya as he started toward the mess hall entrance.

“We all dealt with what happened different ways, Maya,” he said, shrugging awkwardly as agent Choi's giant mitt squeezed the crook of his skinny arm. “Take you for example. Why would you recruit a new Child when we have two seasoned ones already on the roster?”

“You tell me, Hyuga. Humor me.”

“I'm not the only one who wants to get rid of an Eva pilot.”

“Nice try, except that it was you who suggested we add Mariko to the roster in the first place, Mr. Operations Planning Manager…and the only thing I want to get rid of is you.”

Hyuga smiled. Maya wished it would disappear, and it did when he turned forward, towards the gaggle of spectators parting to let the jailor and his captor through.

For the first time, Maya realized Sachiko was behind her, doing her absolute best to avoid eye contact.

She realized that at the front of the dining hall two more agents were waiting for Makoto Hyuga, and somehow they were even bigger than Agent Choi.

She realized that she had just told a roomful of people she hardly knew and hardly liked, that she had sex with Hyuga, in an effort to discredit his rationale.

She realized Hyuga was right.

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“Asuka, you know what the most messed up thing about this is?” Mariko asked, joining the Second Child on the sofa.

“No, Mariko. What is the most messed up thing about this?” Asuka queried. Her elbow supported her head on the furniture's arm rest. She was looking forward, eyes half-lidded as something happy and stupid filled the corners of the television, indiscriminate of her hopelessly sour disposition.

“The most messed up thing is that the entire argument began because of me, and he's the one that caught it. And you're talking to me right now.”

“I can do something about that. Teller doesn't have anything on me, Yankee.”

Mariko paused in opening the soda can in her hand. “Wait, what…I don't get it. Who?”

Asuka fought to suppress a deep sigh. And failed. “Never mind. If I was going to stop talking I would've done it a few hours ago. I need to do something.”

Maiko nodded as she faced forward, tapping the can with the tip of a finger. “So…are you really leaving, Asuka?”

The German teenager sighed again, a drawn-out breath measured against the metronomic clack of Mariko's fingernail against the aluminum container. At the twenty-fourth click, Asuka said, “Maybe.”

The Second Child looked out the corner of her eye, and saw something unpleasant etched into Mariko's frozen profile. “You don't think I'll leave?” the red head asked.

“I don't think you'll leave him with me, because you know what I could do to him,” Mariko responded evenly.

“You said you were trying to get better. You said that, didn't you?”

“Yeah, with your help. You said you would.”

Of course I did, Asuka thought, mentally rolling her eyes. Maya was supposed to have found out later in the week, but sitting at Shinji's bedside Sunday night it had all blown up in Asuka's face. Now Mariko was on to her, and Asuka was not about to do anything to let the taller girl know she was considering anything else.

In her own words Mariko had called herself sick. Killing people the way she did was a psychological disorder. If that was true, that the green-eyed American was compelled to do those things, then Asuka had no choice but to humor the lunatic. She had no choice but to keep close, to watch the Sixth Child for any hint, any sign that she was about to turn into the thing that butchered all those people.

Or she could just kill Mariko.

As possible, as necessary as the action might be in the future, the last thought left Asuka feeling decidedly ill. The Second Child had killed before, just before Third Impact, but she knew instinctively the difference between sitting behind a thousand layers of armor and ending lives to defend herself, and effectively executing the young woman sitting to her left, currently rubbing her eyes like a sleep-addled toddler.

I would be defending myself, thought the German teenager. The only good defense is a good offense.

What to do, though, when Mariko Buick is found with no pulse, having sustained mortal injuries? What to do when Section Two ransacks the deceased's room and comes away only with the facts that in life, the Sixth Child had been a prolific shutterbug and had a crush on Shinji Ikari?

What happens when investigators weigh Asuka's word against zero evidence to support her claim, a corpse, a lifetime of mental and physical trauma, a notoriously antagonistic personality, extensive military and martial arts training, and a recent history of psychiatric therapy? Suddenly, a new thought came to the Second Child.

I am fucked.

“Mariko…it would be so much easier to help if I knew what it was that-”

“That what? That made me just up and…do what I did?”

Asuka drank a sip of her old pride when she did not wilt under Mariko's stare. “And then take pictures of them.”

The black-haired teen looked down at her drink, still tapping the metal top. Then she shook her head solemnly. “I can't tell you that. I'm sorry. If I told you…I'd have to kill you.”

To both of the teen's surprise, Asuka chuckled before she said, “That's the first time, and I mean ever, that someone's said that to me and was absolutely serious.”

“Well…it's true. If you want to be safe Asuka, just don't…” And here Mariko paused suddenly as she stared forward. She wasn't tapping the can anymore.

In fact, all motion on Mariko's part had ceased. The ubiquitous, ceaseless vitality Asuka associated with the short-haired girl drained from her face, imperceptibly at first, and then completely evaporated. In its stead was a mask of stone, the very antithesis of life, and as Asuka grew exponentially more nervous with each passing second, her greatest fear became the prospect of that mask turning to her…

But it didn't, and as if someone had depressed a restart button between her shoulder blades, the whole of Mariko Buick came back online. “…just don't talk to me about what you wouldn't want me talking to you about. Does that make sense?”

Asuka nodded awkwardly with her head perched in her palm. “It does.”

Mariko continued tapping the can as if she had never stopped, and Asuka's palpable anxiety began to fade. Slowly. “Mariko, it's that bad?”

“That's why I just laugh at you when you get angry and yell at Shinji, you know?” Mariko admitted, chuckling at the moment she spoke those words. “When we spoke the other day I knew he was telling me the truth. You guys here, you all just went through so much…shit. And you went through it together. And now that it's all over, what do you do? You bitch.” Mariko used her free hand to mimic a gabbing mouth. “Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch-”

“Okay. I get it.”

“I know you do, which is why it's so weird to me that you don't just forgive him, already. You live with him. You work with him. You go to school, you eat with him. I'm just saying, if I ever get better, I'm sure as hell not looking to pick a fight with the most important person in my life.”

“The thing you need to understand, Mariko, is that our problems were never really the Angels. It wasn't the Eva's. It wasn't Third Impact, so our issues didn't end with those things. The guys at Nerv back then, me and Shinji and Misato, we turned into a…family. We were one big fucked-up dysfunctional family.”

Asuka Langley Sohryu blew out a breath, surprised by its shakiness. “The ones that lived still are, to an extent. That's the only way we know how to function. That's why I can't forgive Shinji. I…” Another shaky breath. “I don't know any other way. I tried convincing myself that we were working toward some type of connection.”

“And you're not?” The question was soft and inviting. It held the infinite compassion of a mother.

Asuka shook her head. “I don't know who he is now anymore than I knew who he was before.”

“He thinks you're beautiful.”

The dour expression dominating the Second Child's face was no match for the shocked one pushing its way to the surface. “What?”

“His favorite thing in the world is cooking for you. Sometimes, when you two rent a movie, you fall asleep on the couch. He thinks about kissing you then.”

Asuka involuntarily flushed at the thought of the young man watching her in her sleep, hovering over her as he knelt closer…

“You're making this up.”

“Nope.”

“That's not funny.”

“I'm not laughing.”

“Why would he tell you something like that?”

“Because, Asuka, he's got to tell someone. And you're not listening. Think about all the terrible things you know I've done. That didn't stop you from telling me about your dysfunctional family, about trying to connect with Shinji, now did it? Everybody has to tell somebody.”

Now sitting up and regarding the waxing teenager, Asuka fumbled for a suitable response. “Why…how are you so damned good at getting people to talk to you?”

Mariko shrugged. “Necessity. And practice. If I couldn't be around people or talk to them, if I was…denied the privilege of connecting, I don't know what I'd do. I'd probably go crazy.”

Asuka stared wide-eyed at the girl despite her fatigue, and then did the worst thing possible.

She laughed.

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“He's talking,” Agent Choi confessed to Maya Ibuki as he stood in front of her shut office door. Commander Fuyutski stood off at the side, visibly pensive. “He had help from two senior engineers and an upper level technician in Central Dogma.”

Maya half sat, half leaned against her desk as she slowly shook her head in her palms. She pulled at her skin as she dragged her fingertips down her face, and when they passed her frowning mouth she spoke. “Can you tell me who the tech was?”

“Koshin Heya. He's been with Nerv-”

“For four years,” Maya finished for the man. She knew Koshin, had talked to him just a week ago. They had played on the same softball team during this year's Tech Division One picnic. She had stopped just short of asking Koshin about his daughter, who had been a Nerv entry level intelligence officer before Maya remembered…“Are you sure those are the only people involved?”

The large man furrowed his brows. “No, ma'am. We are questioning the four now and have confiscated their computers and seized all of their communication logs. We hope that after reviewing those and their cell phone conversations we can determine if anyone else was responsible. Until we know for sure, I would advise activating the electronic safeties on all firearms outside the premises. That implies freezing further pilot-related activity to keep the Children off campus.”

“Agreed,” Fuyutski and Maya said in unison.

“Thank you for your cooperation. I-” Choi froze in mid-sentence and touched his earpiece. He nodded and then turned his attention to Maya. “Dr. Ibuki, the Third Child is here.”

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“It doesn't surprise me. In a way, I could always depend on Hyuga. No matter what happened, he would always hate me. And he was honest about it. Would it sound weird if I said I appreciated that?”

Maya took her time in answering Shinji as they sat alone, the last remnants of sunlight blanketed by the arriving night. The pyramid loomed before them in the cool shadows, and Maya shifted in her seat as she looked at it and mulled. “I'm guessing if I take this long to tell you what I think, it probably means that deep down, no. It's not weird. At least I don't think so.”

She eyed him in the composite failing sunlight and the dim glow of the lampposts sparking to life. “You're taking this awfully well, Shinji.”

He shrugged as his head dropped below his shoulders. “I have other things on my mind.”

“Is that why you're here? Is that why you wanted to see me?”

“Yeah.”

Recalling the blatant hostility displayed when she had walked into his infirmary suite the day before, Maya gathered a suspicion. “Are things okay at home? How are you getting along with Mariko?”

His head came up and he barked a short, short laugh. Maya frowned slightly as the sound was not a pleasant thing to behold. “Mariko? You know what? I think about -when I look at her and hear her- how things might have turned out if she was the one that had come to live with me and Misato instead-”

“Shinji!”

“I know…that's not a very nice thing to say. But the truth is that the picture I get in my head when I think about that situation is never a bad one.” He rubbed his hands together as Maya looked on, dismayed by the note of discord coloring his otherwise placid tone. “I swear Asuka can sense what I'm thinking, because it's been…she just doesn't like Mariko. And she takes it out on me.”

“Do you think Mariko should find some other place to stay?”

Maya tracked him as he pulled himself upright and then rested his head on the back of the bench, his eyes looking through the Geofront and the crater, into the sky beyond and the points of light in it.

“You would think that would solve some things because Asuka was against us giving her Misato's room,” he said, “but that's not…her staying with us just exposed problems that were already there. Even some things we thought we solved. But nothing's changed, not really. I still don't understand her”

Maya had nothing to say to this, so she sighed and returned her gaze to the pyramid.

“I think Asuka's going to leave.”

At this the young doctor could not hide her profound dismay. No…not like this. Was I hoping for this? Why?

“…Shinji?”

“Yeah?”

I can't let this happen. This was my fault, the moment I read Mariko's profile….

“Maybe…maybe I can help. Let me help. Please.”

Confusion passed over his dour face before he nodded.

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“What's the first thing I feel when I think of Shinji?”

From her spot on the couch, the Sixth Child tilted her head and cast her eyes upward before she looked at Asuka and said, “You want me to tell you?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm…can I say horny?”

“You could…and then I would laugh, and hit you with something large.”

“I don't like getting hit with large objects. What if I say…anger?”

“I'd say you have a future in the therapy business. Or psychic. Whichever comes first.”

“Psychic comes first, Asuka. I would think so.” The green-eyed seventeen year-old tapped the empty can she held. “You don't like it that way, do you?”

“I don't think about it in terms of like and dislike, because that's the way it's always been, ever since I first met that dork. I-I look at him, and…I just feel frustrated, and he opens his mouth and says something…and I just want to kick him in the nuts!”

Mariko's studious expression was replaced by a sardonic grin. “Well…maybe he would talk more to you if he was certain you weren't going to totally ruin his prospect of having children if he says the wrong thing.”

“I don't know, Mariko,” Asuka said, brow creasing. “That's a lot to ask for.”

Mariko giggled, and opened her mouth to respond, before suddenly sobering and turning her focus to something over Asuka's shoulder. Someone.

Asuka faced front, knowing full well who Mariko was looking at.

“Hi, Mariko.”

That wasn't Shinji's voice.

“Hi, Maya,” Mariko said back, her neck craning to see something else that caught her attention. Someone else. “Hey, Shinji.”

“Hi, Mariko,” Shinji said back.

Asuka remained facing forward. She felt the air shift as Maya glided to her side, and an awkward silence fell over the group. Maya was probably waiting for her charge to make eye contact. With none forthcoming, Asuka heard the woman give a tired sigh and say, “So, Mariko, how are you two doing?”

“Fine,” she replied cheerfully, “just passing time with some homework, homemade pizza, just talking, a little TV, you know?” Asuka's peripheral vision tracked Mariko as the Sixth Child tracked the young man venturing to his room. Try as she might, the German could not subdue a rampant, burgeoning jealously that suddenly seized her gut; she clenched her teeth and remained silent. “What's laughing boy doing?”

“If you mean Shinji,” Asuka heard Maya suck in a tenuous breath, “he's getting some of his things.”

Mariko's sinking shoulders exactly matched the feeling that replaced envy in Asuka's troubled heart.

“Why?” Mariko asked.

“We…I mean he and I…came to the decision that maybe it would be best if he got away from here for a few days.”

It would be best if he got away from me?

Asuka was numb now. “How long is a few days?” she heard Mariko ask after a full minute.

“Until next week. I have an extra room, so he's staying with me.” Maya paused for some reason. “You don't mind if I take him away from you, do you?”

That wasn't directed at Mariko, who was leaning over to Asuka conspiratorially. “Asuka,” she said in a near whisper, “say something.”

“No, that's alright, Mariko. She doesn't have to say anything.”

There was a new commotion that stole Mariko's attention for a moment. She quickly turned back. “Asuka, c'mon. He's right here.” She was whispering now. “Talk to him. Say anything. He wants you to. Trust me.”

“I'm ready, Maya.”

“That was fast, Shinji. Are you sure you have everything?”

“Asuka? Asuka? C'mon….you were just-”

“I'm sure. I've always been a fast packer.”

“Let's get out of here, then. I'm pretty tired. Bye, Mariko.”

“I'll see you at school, Mariko.”

“Bye, Maya…Asuka, you know you want to say something…”

“You two won't have to go into Nerv for the rest of the week. Just thought I should tell you now. I'll fill you in on the details soon.”

“Okay. Asuka…talk.”

“I'll see you at school.”

“Asuka -goodnight, Shinji, see you tomorrow- Asuka, he's leaving…”

And then Maya and Shinji were gone. All that was left was Mariko, Asuka, and the silence.

After five minutes, the third thing, which was as thick as it was tenuous, was broken.

“Asuka, why didn't you just-”

“Don't.”

“Why didn't you believe me?”

“Shut up.”

“You and him want the same thing, it's so obvi-”

“I said SHUT UP! What the hell do you care anyway?”

“I love you.”

Asuka immediately stood when the third thing returned and jumped at her faster than light. The Second Child could only numbly, silently stare at Mariko Buick's profile as if an alien larva had burst from her chest cavity.

“Why is it that whenever I tell people that, they automatically assume I'm trying to fuck them? There're different ways to love someone. I shouldn't have to explain it anymore than that.”

“You don't even know me,” Asuka said when she could finally move her mouth. “When did I ever ask-”

“Why does anyone ever have to ask to be loved? Huh? Why can't it just be given?” Mariko remained perfectly still as her face panned to gaze coolly at the other young woman.

“This place is…hope. Okay, Asuka? Whenever I look around this place, I see damaged, angry people, and I see sadness, and a lot of self pity.” A slick, solemn smile. “But after all the crap that happened, you're all still here. Still trying to smile. You're all still trying to live. If you all can make it, why can't I, you know? I want you and Shinji to give me some hope. I want to see you happy.”

“I'm…flattered. But it's not my responsibility to give you hope.”

“It has to be you, Asuka,” the sitting young woman stated with a velvet whisper, “because you're the only one that can. You're the only one that knows.”

“I…” Asuka's breath betrayed her and left her lungs with a jagged shudder. “You're just saying that…you don't need me and I don't need you…or anyone...especially Shinji.”

“Goodnight, Asuka.” Mariko stood suddenly, looking exasperated and…disappointed.

Asuka could tell the other young woman was staring, but didn't see Mariko's face when the girl said, “If you can't accept that there are people here that love you, and want to see you do well, and if you can't find it in your heart to accept them and want to see them happy, too, you've got bigger problems than I do.”

“I think you're overstating things just a bit,” Asuka meekly said to the carpet beneath her.

“No.”

And when Asuka looked back up, Mariko had very nearly disappeared into the apartment hallway.

Asuka stood, and the third thing returned.

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Maya was eternally grateful to herself that she had -on a whim, no less- cleaned her small town home when Fuyutski-sensei had ordered her home. Being secure in the controlled chaos that now ruled her life was one thing; expecting her underlings to put up with it was another. If Asuka was to be believed, Shinji was a notoriously prudent housekeeper, and though Maya was a full ten years older than the Ikari kid, it mattered to her that she made a good impression.

Maya would be equally grateful to herself if at this ungodly hour, she could go the hell to sleep. She had about three hours of rest the night before, if you could call it rest. It was supposed to have been different tonight, with the cause of yesterday's FUBAR event pinpointed. New irritants kept her up now.

How many people really wanted Shinji Ikari dead?

Nerv had been the most secure government institution in the past twenty years. Sixty-four percent of the Geofront grounds had been decommissioned after the war, and the downsizing had eventually trickled into the ranks of Nerv security. Next to the routine Evangelion-related practices performed on a weekly basis, the most dangerous thing she had done in the past six months was use the Magi to model the atmospheric inversion above Memorial Crater. Riveting.

She was happier than anyone the war was over, undoubtedly. It still saddened her on some level that the greatest organization the world would ever know was reduced to outsourcing its capabilities to meteorological instiutions.

Maya sat up. She resisted the swoon behind her eyes as her feet touched the carpet in the blackness of the room. Making certain not to look at her clock, she opened the door and walked into the dimly lit hallway. She was going to do…something. Go to the bathroom, or get some water, or guzzle cherry-flavored Nyquil.

Or check on Shinji...

With agonizing slowness, she crept to the western style door of his temporary room. She put an ear to it for three, four moments, hearing nothing but her own toneless breath. She turned the knob, pushing forward to glimpse his sleeping…

“Did I wake you, Maya?”

…form.

“I thought I woke you,” she said to his back. He sat still on the opposite edge of the bed and stared out into the moonlit scape beyond the large windows. As she walked around to sit next to him, her eyes adjusted to the blue light bathing the space and painting her bare arms. “I'm glad you're up, anyway. Maybe if I say some things, I'll be allowed to sleep.”

She sat on the mattress a proper distance from him and eyed his face; black bars -shadows from the open blinds- laced the contours of his profile. “What're you doing?”

He pursed his lips and then spoke. “I don't know. I must've been waiting for you, because I wasn't really thinking about anything important.”

“Oh.” Maya ignored the curiosity his answer awoke within her. “You were waiting for an apology, then.”

“What could you be sorry about?” He sounded truly puzzled.

“The thing is,” she began after a second that was used to gather a coherent thought, “I can't say exactly. Lately, it seems that everyone except me thinks that Mariko is breaking you and Asuka up without even trying. When I had first contacted her, you and Asuka were the furthest things from my mind. It wouldn't bother me as much, I guess, if you two just grew apart, or if I was sure putting Mariko in with you was just some oversight of mine.”

“Are you saying it wasn't?” he asked with perfect detachment. Maya's heat sank when she realized what she now had to explain.

“Shinji…the worst moment in my life was watching Asuka being slowly ripped to pieces. Every time I see her, every time I hear her voice, or smell her, I remember that moment. Hearing her scream tore something away and it changed me, and…”

She almost stopped when she absorbed the nameless distress that adorned his features. “…and when I really think about it, I realized I would do a lot of things to escape those sounds, those smells…a lot of things. One of those things might've been bringing in another pilot to shake things up. Asuka was always talking to me about doing other things and going other places. Did she ever say that, those types of things to you?”

“I never thought she was serious.”

“When I'm honest with myself, I realize I considered what it might do to you and Asuka. And I just didn't care enough.” Maya shrugged outwardly as shame filled her. “I'm supposed to be your guardian, and I didn't care enough, Shinji…do you hate me?”

“No. Why would I? Asuka's an adult. She's at least old enough to do what she wants. If she really wanted to know me, or wanted me to get to know her, it wouldn't matter what Mariko was doing.”

She raised an eyebrow and shook her head nearly imperceptibly. “You're…you're not mad? At all?”

“Maybe I should be, but I can't. I can't get mad, not if you're honest. I can appreciate the truth, because after Third Impact I was just so sick of the lying. I still can't stand it, when people try hiding behind smiles while keeping everything ambiguous.” He turned his gaze to her in a smooth motion. “Maya.”

She blinked at the intensity of the look. “Yes?”

“Be honest with me. Ask what you really want to ask.”

“What…” She swallowed, knowing. “W-what do I want to ask you?”

Immediately he said, “You want to ask why I didn't save Ritsuko.”

Ritsuko, not Dr. Akagi. Ritsuko. He knows.

She could only look at him at first, and then admitted in a whisper, “You're right.” Tears sprang to her eyes unbidden. “Well…why didn't you?”

“I didn't know what I was doing. I punished the people that used me, and when I finally knew what the rules were, it was too late. If I had known what I was doing, I could've saved her.” As they sat, Maya absorbed the young man's confession, and then new words assailed her. “Do you hate me?”

She blinked back the wetness that blurred her image of the questioning teenager, and smiled. Slowly but deliberately did she lean in and cup his warm jaw with gentle, cool hands. She inched closer, and finally touched her lips to his forehead. After a few seconds, she stopped, and with another moment of hesitation eventually rested her head on his shoulder and stared with him outside. The moon was so bright.

“A little.”

End of Aperture

A/N: When I first began writing ITDR, my main concern (besides that I might totally suck at writing) was that I had no common theme. I tried not worrying about it, and did not force one, as it might have seemed contrived and artificial. I hoped that a theme would present itself as I progressed, and fortunately I was right.

To me at least, In the Dark Room is about Asuka's acceptance of the people around her, including Shinji, Yukie, Maya…and yes, even Mariko. I think if we look at the original series from the perspective of the two movies, it is debatable whether or not Asuka comes to accept others in her life. Is that really true? I don't know, but it's the closest thing ITDR will have to a main theme, as far as I'm concerned.

Besides, if you can provide irrefutable proof whether or not Asuka comes to accept love from other people just by watching EoE…your ass deserves a @#@!$&!$% cookie. For real.

Next Chapter: All She Ever Needed…