Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Scarvangelion ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: Don't own Eva or Scarface, back the hell off you vultures. Or I'll sic my demon kitty on you. He needs more souls.

 

“Blah” : Speech

`Blah' : Thought

(Bam!) : Action

 

Chapter 1

 

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“We are sorry, but due to an emergency all phone lines have been downed temporar-”

 

(SMASH)

 

`Stupid phone, stupid emergency bullshit, stupid father, stupid-' something caught Shinji's eye before he could finish his inner monologue/rant. It was a girl, in a school uniform and had blue hair.

 

`Well well well…. (smirks) aren't you a hot lil thing…' Thought Shinji as he took in her lithe figure, but was to be interrupted as a giant foot came down not ten feet in front of him. Looking up he sees a giant….thing that's being shot at by various Aircraft

 

“HOLY FUCK!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?!?!?!?!?” Screamed Shinji as he tried to get his bearings after what he just saw.

 

“Hey!” Shinji looked over his shoulder and saw a purple haired woman in a car with the door open screaming at him to get in.

 

“Ya don't need to tell me twice lady!” Exclaimed Shinji jumping into the car as it sped off.

 

“What the fuck was that thing?” said Shinji gasping for breath. “That was an angel. Name's Misato by the way, you must be Shinji Ikari, right?” Asked the purple haired beauty now known as Misato.

 

“That's me. So you must be my new prostitute right?” Shinji questioned.

 

“YOUR WHAT!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?”

 

“My new prostitute. Why else would you send me a picture of yourself leaning over showing your nice tits at me and writing `Hey look at these!' on it?” Asked Shinji like this has happened many times before.

 

Misato swerves the car back and forth trying to get away from the Angel, in effect bouncing Shinji around the car like a pin ball, which was a bonus for her.

 

“HEY! (header into the dash board) COULD YA (slams up against door) DRIVE A LITTLE BIT SLOWER! (slams into windshield)” Yelled the human pin ball….I mean Shinji.

 

This is why you should always wear your seat belt, and not piss the driver off. ^_^;

 

“I'll have you know I am a Captain, not some prostitute. Now shut up and be quiet.” Said a red-faced Misato as she took out her binoculars to look at what the JSDF was preparing to do.

 

“Oh crap, they are going to use an N2 mine! Get down!” exclaimed Misato, shielding Shinji's body with hers.

 

(huge explosion, sends car end over end)

 

As the dust clears, we see Misato getting off Shinji and her assessing the damage done to her now turned over car.

 

“Are you all right?” Asked Misato.

 

“I think I'm OK… (pats body down) Yep, I'm alright. You sure you aren't a prostitute, I mean throwing yourself at me like that. I know I'm sexy but damn. ” grinned Shinji.

 

“Yeah, I'm sure, now shut up and help me get my car back on it's wheels.” Groaned Misato. `Annoying lil' shit.'

 

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Later, Misato and Shinji are headed on their way to the Geo-Front in her new P.O.S car.

 

(Misato talking on phone) “Sure. Don't worry. He is under my protection at top priority. Prepare a car train for us. A linear one, please. Yes. I'll take full responsibility for him because it was my idea to meet him in the first place. Bye.”

 

`Man this sucks! I've just restored my car... And wrecked it, again'

 

“Hey Misato-san?”

 

`33 loan repayments to go ... and the repair costs...'

 

(Shinji pokes Misato in the shoulder) “Misato-san…”

 

`What's even worse, my only good clothes have been ruined...'

 

“Misato-san...”

 

`I was in high spirits too damnit…'

 

“Oi woman! Jou fucking ansa' me when I call jour fuckin' name, `aight?” Yelled Shinji.

 

“Do you have to say fuck all the time Shinji?” Questioned Misato.

 

“Until you learn to answer me the first time I fucking call your name? … Fuck no!” said Shinji. “As I was saying, why did you take all these?” he said, jerking a thumb in the back seat where about 6 batteries were located.

 

“Ah, It's OK. I'm a government official, so it's ok” Chuckled Misato nervously, apparently to convince herself more than convince Shinji.

 

“Then if it's ok, why didn't you yank some of the jewelry or a TV? Do you NOT know how to loot? Christ, wake me up when we get there” sighs Shinji as he takes a nap.

 

`Hmmmm….why didn't I go after that stuff?' Thought Misato as she drove to the car train.

 

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“I'm sure it was this way……” muttered a very frustrated Misato walking around the Geo-Front complex like a lost puppy.

 

“Ya know, we've been by this same exit about 4 times. I think you are just giving me an excuse to look at your lovely backside. I thank you.” Chuckled Shinji, thoroughly amused at pushing his tour guide's buttons.

 

“Misato! You were supposed to get here as soon as you could, not flirt with your new boy-toy.” Exclaimed a blonde haired woman in a one-piece bathing under a lab coat.

 

“Sorry Ritsuko, I'm still trying to learn my way around this place….” Said a sweat-dropping Misato.

 

Shinji just stood in the background as the two women argued in the elevator. `Jesus, can they just shut up?' Shinji thinks.

 

The trio exited the elevator and entered a pitch black room. This put Shinji a little off, having seen similar situations when working with his Uncle Tony.

 

“Ok, what's going on here?” Asked a somewhat edgy Shinji.

 

A couple of seconds later, Shinji is face to face with a giant purple……thing. Needless to say, Shinji was a little shocked.

 

“GAH!” Yelped Shinji, “What the FUCK is that thing!?”

 

“That `thing' as you call it is man's greatest hope in survival. The Multi-purpose Humanoid Fighting Machine EVANGELION Unit One!” Exclaimed the bottle blonde scientist.

 

“So this is what my father has done instead of raising his son?” said a thoroughly un-amused Shinji. `I can't believe it; he'd rather build this than raise his own son. That's screwed up.'

 

“That is correct.”

 

And there, high above the Evangelion and the trio stood the Bastard King himself. Needle Dick…I mean Gendo Ikari.

 

“It's been a long time,” Said a dispassionate Gendo.

 

Shinji just stares at his father with no emotion. Just then, the compound shakes.

 

“Prep Unit One for battle” says Gendo.

 

“Are you serious!? Rei is too injured to go out there, and we have no other pilots!” Shouts Misato.

 

“One has just been delivered.” Smirks a smarmy Gendo.

 

“So this is why you called me here father?” Shouts Shinji to his father.

 

“Yes, I called you because I have a use for you. You will pilot Unit One.” Replies the Bastard King.

 

“Sir, it took Rei months to sync with her Eva.” Said a somewhat frantic Misato.

 

“Misato, we just need him to sit in it, that's all we ask of him.” Said Ritsuko, trying to calm her friend down.

 

`Hmmm… What would Uncle Tony say to this?' Thinks Shinji before saying, “Why don't jou try sticking jour head up jour ass…see if it fits.”

 

(Various sounds ranging from gasps to chuckles and snorts)

 

Apparently, Gendo doesn't find Shinji's comment as amusing as some of the bridge crew, Misato, and Ristuko.

 

“Tell Rei to get suited up, the back up is useless.” Gendo says to a Grey haired man by his side. The man nods and leaves the room.

 

A few minutes later a blue haired girl covered in bandages is wheeled out on a gurney onto the platform Shinji and the ladies are on.

 

`I can't believe he is going to send someone in that condition out to fight that. He really hasn't changed in all these years.' Thinks Shinji, not really shocked at his father's actions.

 

There was another tremor; this caused Rei in the gurney to fall off it. Shinji saw a steel I beam was going to land on her. So he dove towards her, hoping to lessen the impact to her by covering her body with his. He waited for the impact, but it never happened. Shinji cautiously looks up and sees a giant hand over both of them.

 

“I-Impossible! There wasn't a plug in. It shouldn't have been bale to move!” Shouted a thoroughly shocked Ritsuko.

 

Misato looks on in shock and awe of what happened. `Did it, did it protect him?'

 

Shinji, cradling an injured Rei looks on at what's going on. She gasps in pain, Shinji looks down and sees blood on his hand, Rei's blood.

 

“Don't worry, everything will be ok, I promise” Whispered Shinji to Rei.

 

“…” Rei says nothing, just looking at Shinji.

 

“I'll pilot it! Alright!? I'll do it!” Shinji shouts to his father.

 

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Normally, there would be the portion of the fic where the first Evangelion battle happens, I know that everyone has read too many of these. So I'll spare you the time wasted on reading another one.

 

(Insert obligatory first Eva battle scene here)

 

See? Isn't that much easier to stomach?

 

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Later, Shinji wakes up in an unfamiliar room.

 

`I guess I'm in a hospital. What happened? Everything up to me seeing that girl seems like a blur…' Thinks a confused Shinji.

 

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Well, there is the first completed chapter of Scarvangelion. Hope ya liked it.

 

Later dood.