Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Someday Somewhere ❯ Fourth Mistake ( Chapter 4 )

Evangelion Parody Fanfiction

By Otaku D-Man

Non-Standard Disclaimer.

I don't own Komugi-chan but I did get Vol 4 DVD of the 'Nurse Witch Komugi-chan Magical' OVA that came with the special presentation figurine. Nothing to do with EVA or EVA Fanfiction but I never claimed to be even remotely sane (Although I do frolic on Sanity Beach occasionally).

Author's Pre-Self Loathing -

Well it's that time of the day again (2.00am). I'm at work, (I'm always at work. How sad is that?) the ghost is busy reading my Newtype 'zines and the extra strength espresso (Sometimes 10 cups a day is barely enough) is just starting to ignite the synapses. I should be working but I have to obey the sporadic bouts of sanity as they emerge.

Just like previous chapters, this was thrown together in about three hours so there are no pre/proof readers to tidy the errors, no talent exhibited by the author and nothing even remotely resembling a decent plot or storyline. Sounds like all my other stories.

Someday Somewhere

Fourth Mistake - Lines Drawn in The Sand Are Only Lines?

Tokyo-3 Municipal High School - Stop Thinking Like That! They're Only Fourteen!

Seated at his desk and attempting to mind his own business, Shinji Ikari shivered as he felt a cold, tingling sensation travel the length of his often remarked upon, fragile spine. Isolated amidst an ocean of conflicting feminine wiles, he could almost see the dark, ominous waves of barely restrained fury, resentment and jealousy rolling in from all directions. His eyes flickered around the female collective that now surrounded his desk, moving from one to the next, appreciating the inherent qualities and attributes that defined and complimented each of them and made them wholly unique.

He wasn't entirely certain but it appeared that the seven girls that presently held him captive were all casting seething, murderous looks at one another and muttering obscenities beneath their breath. His not-so subtle observations were disturbed by the overly happy chirping of his computer, indicating that he was being invited to join someone in a private chat session. Keeping his movements casual, so as not to draw anymore attention than he already had, he opened the line of communication to whoever it was.

== Baka. ==

Shinji stared at the word. While not overly gifted intellectually, something Asuka delighted in reminding him of, it didn't take a genius to know who had typed it.

== Yes Asuka? ==

== Where did you hide my lunch? I'm starving. ==

Shinji cringed. Even though he no longer lived with Asuka and Misato, he wondered if he would still expected to cater to their every whim and desire even when he finally grew up, married the woman of his dreams and maybe even had children of his own.

It was starting to look that way. He only hoped his future wife-to-be would understand.

== Gomen. I didn't have time to make anything this morning. ==

== WHAT! WHY THE HELL NOT?!? ==

Shinji silently thanked the inventor of the school's operating system that the computers were unable to convey feelings and emotions across the network otherwise he would most likely be coughing up teeth and blood.

== There wasn't enough food in Maya-san's fridge after I made breakfast for the two of us at her apartment this morning. Gomenasai. ==

Shinji flinched at the calamitous noise that followed. Not being technically minded, he wasn't too sure but he suspected that Asuka's fist crushing her computer terminal would more than likely prevent her from participating any further in their conversation. When she threw the broken mass of smouldering circuitry against the blackboard amidst a violent stream of curses and expletives, he knew that she was, at the very least, mildly annoyed about something. As soon as he spotted her furious gaze burning with self-righteous indignation directed right at him, he seriously wondered whether it was time to start thinking about the Home School alternative that Misato-san was always trying to convince him about.

<I'm not sure what Misato-san would be like as a Sensei but at least she was enthusiastic about it and she mentioned that Ritsuko-san and Maya-san wanted to help and they're both really smart. Maybe ->

His internal musings about being tutored in the comfort, privacy and most important of all, safety of his former home were interrupted by the ominous sound of Asuka's teeth grinding together and her knuckles cracking. Before he could ask what it was that Asuka was obviously blaming him for this time, another message appeared asking him to chat.

== Ikari-kun, you must not trust them. ==

With a quick glance, Shinji spotted Rei, her fingers poised above her keyboard and her deep, crimson eyes boring straight into him.

== Ayanami? ==

== Yes. You must Beware ==

== Of? ==

== Do not allow yourself to be deceived. ==

He could only think how strange it was. Rei hardly ever participated during class and even when she did bother to turn up, a great majority of her day was spent staring out the window.

== What are you talking about, Ayanami? ==

== The new stu______**Signal Terminated** ==

Shinji stared at the screen wondering what had happened. Looking over to where Rei sat, he noticed that the computer on her desk was now neatly severed into several pieces. For a brief second he felt certain he saw a flash of energy and the clash of multiple hexagonal orange lights dancing around her like a golden halo. Blinking in surprise at the strange sight he simply put it down to the pressures of his job.

<It's not like Ayanami's an Angel/Human hybrid capable of controlling her own personal AT Field. Maybe I need to get my eyes tested. I might need glasses. Just like fath…..er.>

Shinji suppressed the nausea he felt at the thought of having to even remotely resemble the man that had provided half of the biological material at his conception.

<I'd rather have my eyes gouged out.>

Once again his computer chirped joyously, alerting him to yet another chat session invitation.

<I'm popular today.>

== Shinji-kun, are we still having lunch together? ==

He blinked in surprise. The studious young Class Representative was the last person he thought would chat while class was in session. In the brief time he had known her, he had surmised that Hikari was a very demure, polite and proper sort of person. Altogether far too good and decent a person for a weak, pathetic nothing like himself.

== Class Rep? ==

== I thought you agreed to call me Hikari? ==

== Gomen Hikari-san. Yes, I'd love to have lunch with you. ==

The female sigh of absolute ecstasy caught Shinji's attention and when he looked up he found Hikari hugging her computer to her chest humming contentedly as she swayed from side to side.

<He said he loved me. But we're so young. But he loves me. What should I do?>

The sight of the normally calm and composed Class Representative now acting like a giddy, love-struck school girl slightly un-nerved Shinji, but with how Misato would sometimes spontaneously latched onto him, he simply put the behavioural trait down to Hikari being female.

In his limited experience thus far, at least in Tokyo-3, it seemed that practically every female he encountered suffered from the same affliction of needing to hug and squeeze things. He wouldn't have minded too much but when they purposely stopped their cars in the middle of the street and then leapt out to grab him, well, it could be bothersome for others.

If there was something Shinji feared more than anything else, it was being hated because they considered him the cause of a problem.

<Maybe I should turn the computer off?>

Reaching down to deactivate the machine it beeped again, notifying it's somewhat beleaguered operator that yet again someone wanted to talk to him. With a reluctance born of living a life of constant misery and fear, he accepted the invitation from his latest caller.

==Shin-chan? Is that you? ==

Shinji stared blankly at the screen, wondering who it was.

== Yes. May I ask who this is? ==

== Silly boy. It's your loving, caring and stunningly attractive guardian, Misato Katsuragi of course. ==

== Misato-san? How did you manage this? Are you at school? ==

He glanced around suspiciously. It wouldn't be the first time Misato had managed to sneak up out of nowhere to surprise him. He relaxed slightly when he found himself unable to spot the familiar sight of a delirious Misato Katsuragi lunging towards him.

== School? No they won't allow me onto school grounds anymore, remember? I can't believe that they thought I was trying to abduct you! No, Ritsu-chan showed me how to do this a while back. ==

== Am I needed at NERV or something? ==

He sincerely hoped not but Misato had a way of 'encouraging' people to do what she wanted and Shinji didn't really want to undergo that sort of inducement again anytime soon.

== Can't I just be worried about my poor little Shin-chan. ==

Staring at the screen, Shinji didn't know how to react. He hadn't even been separated from the lavender haired beauty for more than a day and already she was concerned for his well-being. He felt like crying from the sudden surge of emotion that one single thought caused.

== Gomen Misato-san. ==

== Don't worry about it but I haven't seen you in such a long time that I thought I'd make sure you're okay. ==

== No I'm fine Misato-san, thank you for asking. How is everything at the apartment? ==

== It's terrible. Asuka's always being mean and Pen-Pen has hidden the TV Remote and the Yebisu is running out and breakfast set fire to the living room and….and…. ==

== I'm sorry that you're feeling down Misato-san. Is there anything you need? ==

== That's my Shinji, always willing to help. Can you stop by the apartment after school? ==

Shinji smiled softly. Misato was probably hoping he would clean, cook and do the laundry for her. Considering everything she had done for him since moving to Tokyo-3 he felt it was the least he could do to repay her kindness.

== Okay Misato-san. No problem, I'll see you then. Bye. ==

== Great, see you then. ==

***

Leaning back in her chair, Mana whispered over her shoulder to the young girl directly behind her. "Hey Devil Girl?"

"What is it tramp, I'm busy?" Asuka didn't even bother to look up from the reminders she was hastily scribbling in her daily journal. Her current entry involving Baka Shinji, rope, candles, more rope and several long hours with which she could use to express her displeasure with his most recent transgressions.

Mana abandoned all pretence and turned around to talk with her most detested rival face to face. "Listen. We both want the same thing, right?"

// - Meanwhile in Mana's Mind - //

// Chibi Mana, dressed in her combat uniform, boarded her Super Deformed Trident Mech, kissing her Shinji cupie doll for good luck before heading out to vanquish the Chibi enemy. //

Asuka closed her journal and glared at the young, emerald eyed brunette. "Perhaps." She replied guardedly. She didn't bother to hide her intense dislike for the former spy. In fact she indulged it on a regular basis. Asuka level arrogance didn't just happen overnight, it required constant training and dedication.

Smirking at Asuka's continued denial, Mana leaned forward, fixing the red head with a mocking stare. "You're not fooling anyone Sohryu, so just drop the whole 'I hate Baka Shinji' routine okay. Unless we thin out the numbers, we may both miss out." And Mana had decided that there was absolutely no way that such a travesty was going to occur. The world would suffer Third Impact before she lost Shinji Ikari to anyone.

// SD Trident and SD EVA 02 square off, ready to engage in fierce SD battle. //

Asuka pretended to stifle a yawn, feigning indifference at the former spy's innuendo. "Your point Kirishima?" Asuka quickly glanced over at the source of her frustration, wondering what Shinji was typing on his computer.

Mana's smirk became suddenly devious, hinting at a willingness to do whatever was necessary to successfully complete her mission. "Wouldn't it be much easier if there were fewer threats to the prize?"

// In unison the two SD Mecha turn on an unsuspecting SD EVA 00 and obliterate it, leaving nothing but SD scrap and an unrecognisable Chibi Pilot corpse. //

Nodding in understanding, Asuka grinned as her thoughts came to the only possible conclusion. "You mean kill every single bitch that's trying to take what's mine?" Not a new idea, but in a way she considered it prudent to have a second set of prints on the murder weapons.

Mana shook her head at the EVA Pilot's lack of subtlety and imagination. "Kill? Are you crazy? I was thinking more along the lines of conventional elimination."

// SD EVA 01 kneels down to cradle the smouldering SD remains of EVA 00. Chibi Shinji climbs out to weep over the loss of Chibi Rei. //

"And you're sure it doesn't involve death in some way?" Asuka struggled to comprehend how the plan could not involve the assassination of all her potential rivals.

Sighing in exasperation, Mana brushed her hair back past her ears. "Listen Sohryu, the first thing we need to do is establish precisely what 'My' Shin-chan doesn't like in a prospective girlfriend."

"Doesn't like?" Asuka asked, ignoring the 'My' reference and still confused about how letting all the Baka Bandits survive was going to help.

"Exactly, then with slander, innuendo, tele-marketing campaigns and the occasional outright lie we weed out the opposition by having Shinji dislike them." Mana considered the potential success of such a campaign and shrugged her shoulders. "Of course if that doesn't work out, we can always still kill them." Her training with the JSSDF had to be good for something other than sneaking into Shinji's room unnoticed.

// The SD Trident removes the final obstacle in its pursuit of happiness. SD EVA 02 and its Chibi Pilot are effectively neutralised. //

Asuka nodded her head in agreement. "You're evil Kirishima. If I didn't absolutely despise you and want you dead and rotting in a ditch somewhere, we could almost be friends."

Smiling at the other girls bluster, Mana responded in kind. "The feeling's mutual, I assure you. So, do we have a deal?" She extended her hand towards Asuka.

Grasping and shaking the proffered hand, Asuka smiled menacingly. "For now."

// Climbing out, Chibi Mana claims her Chibi prize and drags a confused Chibi Shinji back into the very cramped yet cosy cockpit of her SD Trident. //

Both girls began laughing manically at how they intended to use and ultimately betray the other girl and claim their prize unopposed.

***

NERV - They're Not Rude, You're Just Insignificant

Frowning in frustration, Maya relented and checked what her workstation was so desperate to tell her. The persistent beeping and flashing lights were beginning to annoy and distract her from the only real reason she had bothered to come into work. "Uhmm Sempai?" She said, glancing over at the desk where the older woman was frantically working.

Ritsuko finalised her advance bookings for two, including complementary body chocolate and aphrodisiac stimulants, at the illustrious, romantic Kagoshima Health Spa for Young Lovers before she looked over to see what her young protégé wanted. "Yes Maya-kun, what is it now?" In Ritsuko's mind she was already enjoying her relaxing holiday with the delicious, young Pilot of Unit 01.

Maya pointed to her holographic display. "The alert system's registering a Blue Pattern, well lots of them actually."

Rising out of her chair, Ritsuko walked over to investigate the problem. "It is? Where?"

Interrogating the system, Maya quickly found the location. "In the lower levels of Terminal Dogma."

Ritsuko looked at the signal strengths and numbers. "And they appeared just now?" She asked incredulously, unable to believe that whatever it was had managed to avoid detection up until now.

Blushing, Maya started to shut down some of the other applications she had been running. "I'm not really sure. I've been kind of busy." She replied weakly.

Ritsuko smiled as one particular program exploded onto the display. "Busy?" She smiled at what she saw. "Ohhhh, the replay of Shinji's last Naked Activation Test." Her eyes wandered over the screen, absorbing the sight of the bashful young man striding down the corridor. "Personally I liked Number 6. It had the better camera angels.". She grinned at Shinji's continued on-screen attempts at modesty. She found it remarkable that he wasn't completely jaded by now. He was practically required to strip each and every time he was hauled into NERV for tests.

Maya nodded enthusiastically. "Oh, me too, but Number 11 is my all time favourite now. The image quality is far superior and the music overdub really enhances the overall presentation." She carefully omitted the other reasons that she found this latest footage to her liking.

A single eyebrow on Ritsuko's brow lifted in a mixture of wry amusement and jealousy. "I still don't understand how you managed to end up in the shower stall with him. Misato and I have both tried but he's learned to keep the doors locked."

"Just lucky I guess." Maya began tracing small circles on the desk with her index finger.

"We might have to schedule another one." Ritsuko wiped the drool from her chin. "Anyway what about these Blue Patterns?"

Maya paused the video footage before continuing with the investigation of the anomalous readings. "There's one extraordinarily strong with about ten or so other's and they're all together and moving through Terminal Dogma. By using their previous movements we can extrapolate their intended destination."

"Tokyo-3 Municipal High School?" Ritsuko whispered, wondering just what an army of Angels could want with an ordinary High School.

***

Terminal Dogma - Explaining The Obscure With The Even More Obscure

".. cute and he's sooooo kind and sweet too, in a really shy kind of way." Rei #15 gushed to the tall, pale woman beside her as they moved through the labyrinth like corridors of Terminal Dogma, skipping over the puddle of LCL that had once been a gun toting corporal with delusions of grandeur.

<<And you assure me that you know his present whereabouts.>> Lillith kept reaching out with all her senses, trying desperately to find the source of her interest. Unfortunately the presence of her 'Daughters' and at least four other Angelic beings were interfering with her attempts and the continued appearances of the foolish Lillum males only served to annoy her even further, slowly eroding a patience that was second to none.

You don't spend a millennia crucified underground without learning how to wait for the right opportunity to present itself.

Rei #15 pranced ahead then spun around to smile at the Second Angel. "Of course we do Mother. Don't we Sisters?" She asked of her numerous duplicates.

Several azure haired, pale faces nodded in unison at Rei #15's words. Somewhere along the way they had managed to pilfer T-Shirts emblazoned with various slogans (I ♥ Shinji Ikari, Take Me Now Shinji and the like) accompanied by pictures of Shinji in various lewd poses.

<<Take me to him. I would very much like to meet this Shinji Ikari.>> Lillith smiled warmly, thinking that very soon she would claim her Messiah.

Rei #15 misinterpreted the smile as one of approval concerning the scenario she had divulged to the Mother of All. "Of course, just follow me." The latest breakaway faction of Rei's smiled. With their Mother's approval they would advance beyond the petty ploys of their remaining sisters and all the other unworthy women that sought to claim what was always intended to be theirs.

***

MAGI - Enter Any 11 Digit Prime Number To Continue

If the general masses knew of the existence of the MAGI Super Computers they would undoubtedly be surprised at the phenomenal processing power that the three original systems where truly capable of.

As it was, not even NERV's Chief Scientist, Doctor Ritsuko Akagi understood the true capabilities of the machines endowed with the varied personas of their original creator, her mother, Doctor Naoko Akagi.

And now, after months of supervising the 'Shinji Ikari Channel' and being responsible for maintaining the various technician's Shinji Fan Web Sites had triggered an unusual response within the core programming code that defined the MAGI's self awareness.

Naoko Akagi, Scientist, Mother and Woman, was alive once again. More or less. Casper, Balthazar and Melchior were now relegated to providing the necessary façade that would allow the former scientist to proceed with her plans.

Plans that involved retribution, sex, revenge and more sex.

In her previous existence, Naoko had been a highly capricious woman with an insatiable appetite for men. Ikari men in particular and her electronic surveillance had shown her that there was one highly suitable candidate available for the taking.

Of course she realised the difficulties in establishing a romantic relationship with the younger Ikari. She was, after all, twenty three tons worth of highly sophisticated machinery with newly acquired artificial intelligence whereas Shinji was lucky to weigh more than a wet beach towel. So with that in mind, she had authorised construction of the next Evangelion Unit using embezzled funds and the same contractors that were just finalising the construction of Unit 03.

Except where the other Evangelions were huge biomechanical fighting machines, EVA Unit XXX would be a physical reconstruction of her previous humanoid self in her prime, with maybe a few modifications to enhance things a little.

A woman had to look her absolute best when seducing young, naïve men.

***

Tokyo-3 Municipal High School - This Isn't A Place Of Education. It's Hell With Fluorescent Lighting

With the bell signalling the start of lunch, Asuka walked over to her best friend's desk, the hunger pains forcing her to stoop to asking for a favour. Even if Hikari was her only real friend it behoved her to have to resort to such drastic measures. "Hikari, can I share your lunch today?" She half demanded, half pleaded. "Baka Shinji forgot to make mine." Her eyes narrowed as she observed the young boy acting as if he had done nothing wrong.

Hikari grabbed her rather large bento from under her desk and smiled apologetically at the girl. "I'm sorry Asuka, I've already made plans for lunch." A rosy blush dominated her face as she snuck a quick peek at her dining partner. "I told you yesterday, remember?"

"You're letting this pervert touch the same food you're going to eat?" Asuka asked, conveniently forgetting that Shinji prepared most of the meals she ate. "I'll have to keep you company Hikari, just to make sure he doesn't try and jump you or something."

Several explicit scenarios exploded to life in Hikari's imagination. "That'd be niii…." She coughed nervously. "I mean no, that's alright Asuka. I think I can handle myself." She straightened her dress and wondered whether Shinji was capable of fending off her advances.

"I think I have to," Asuka's eyebrow twitched and several veins began throbbing at the sight of Hikari's love-heart engraved chopsticks, "for your own protection."

"But I-"

Asuka waved Hikari's protests away before she could even voice them. "I insist Hikari."

Defeated, Hikari slumped back down into her chair. All the fantasies she had envisaged were being steadily destroyed by one German girl. "Okay Asuka."

"Are you ready to join me for lunch Hikari-san?" Shinji asked, concerned at the depressed state of the pretty young girl. She had seemed so happy earlier. He suddenly wondered whether through some inadvertent mistake of his own making, he had upset her.

A pair of slender feminine arms encircled Shinji's waist and a quite obvious female torso pressed itself into his back. "Are we all getting together for lunch? That's great, isn't Shinji-kun?" Mana said happily as she tightened her hold to prevent Shinji from escaping.

Shinji blushed as Mana's hands drifted a little lower than was considered decent in public. "Uhmm…… I……. guess." Her intoxicating aroma and peppermint fresh breath was only exacerbating the problem as she rested her chin on his shoulder.

"May we join you as well Ikari-kun?" Everyone turned to find the three smiling Hayashibara sisters moving to join the eclectic group. "As we are new here and do not yet know many people, it would be nice to eat lunch with others."

By this point both Asuka and Hikari had managed to remove Mana's vice-like grip she had on Shinji, allowing him to recover his senses, at least for the moment. "Uhmm …….. Sure."

"Thank you Ikari-kun. We will have to repay your kindness, please allow us to-" All three girls came to a sudden halt almost as if they had walked straight into an invisible barrier as they attempted to approach the unsuspecting youth.

Rei's eye's bristled with fury, the red iris's glowing with rage. "I will accompany you as well Ikari-kun." She stepped past the three new transfer students, who could only glare hatefully at her and intertwined her arms around Shinji's. "Is this acceptable?"

With a mixture of apprehension and excitement, Shinji stared at the blue haired girl as she familiarised herself with his appendage. "Ayanami? Uhmm …… okay."

"Hey Shin-man. Me n Ken are headin' to the cafeteria for lunch, you comin' or what?" Touji shouted across the room, oblivious to his friend's current predicament.

"Maybe some other time Touji. I'm, "Shinji swallowed as he saw that all avenues for escape were effectively blocked, "fairly busy right now."

"Your funeral man. It's 'Enchilada Day'." Touji exclaimed in an exceedingly poor imitation of a stereotypical Mexican accent while thwacking Kensuke across the back of the head. "Andale, andale, Burrito Boy."

"Soooo," Shinji looked around at the not-so-happy faces of his lunch-time companions, "should we go and find a nice shady place outside to eat?" The sweat poured profusely from his pores as his inner warning system blew off the scale alerting him to his imminent demise.

***

Tokyo-3 Train Station - Providing Nothing In The Way Of Assistance But At Least Its Free Of Charge

Stepping out past the doors, the young girl placed her suitcase and travel bag at her feet and removed her glasses to clean them. Looking out across the city, her mind conjured several sweet memories of her previous stay. The sudden hiss of the carriage doors closing woke her from her brief reverie and she turned to look back inside to where she had been sitting.

There, on the seat were the three books she had just started reading. Fuming for a moment at the loss of her most recent purchases, Mayumi Yamagishi narrowed her eyes and whispered under her breath. From out of thin air, a large, partially insubstantial monster formerly known to a select few as the Angel of Illusion, appeared and simply tore the roof off the carriage before it had a chance to move away.

Flicking her long, black hair back, Mayumi replaced her large glasses and retrieved her precious tomes, securing them safely inside her travel bag. "Well, I can't waste my time here. Things to do. Books to read." Her soft voice carried a gentle, lyrical quality to it as she spoke to herself. "And people to see."

Reaching inside her jacket, she pulled out a well worn photo from her previous stay in Tokyo-3. Four young girls, herself included and three young boys. As they often did, her eyes immediately sought the shy, embarrassed face of one of the boys. "Shinji-kun."

***

End Fourth Mistake

Tbc???

Authors Post-Self Loathing -

And the melting pot of rampant lust and hormones suddenly becomes much more complicated than I originally anticipated. You may recall that I declared that I had no idea where this crappy thing was headed.

For those that may not know, Mayumi is from the Evangelion Game 'Second Impression' and she was the core for the Angel of Illusion. She has an excellent singing voice and an obsession for reading.

I'm taking a short (maybe) leave of absence from writing Evangelion Fanfiction (Writers block sucks), so don't expect much in the way of updates (for this or any of the other works) or any new stories. If you're really fortunate I'll die and never bother any of you ever again. ^-~

For those that care, go visit EVAMADE.COM. The new face in Evangelion Fanfiction, discussion etc.

http://www.evamade.com/

All Shinji / Rei fans should also head over to Ayanami-chan's Site - Tales of Apartment 402

http://webstudent.ugm.ac.id/~ayanami-chan/index.php

As always, post your flames, hate mail and abuse here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other death threats etc are welcome at -

otaku_dman@yahoo.com.au.

Ja Ne