Original Poetry Fan Fiction ❯ Some Poetry ❯ Poetry ( Chapter 1 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Inside

Inside I always knew

That you would be the one

The one to love me most

The one to hate me most

The one who'd end up killing me

But I never knew

That I'd be the one to hate you

I just wanted to love you

Yet you push me away

I just want to need you

Yet you keep me at bay

I just want to feel you

Pressed close to me

I can't help but stare

I can't help but think

Of what it'd be

To hold you

To kiss you

To have my way with you

But inside I always knew

This dream might never have been meant to be

Times

There are times when I doubt

I doubted many things

From me to you

From us to them

From now to then

When to where

I don't get it

Where did we go wrong?

Why are we falling apart?

I don't want it to end

I don't want to fade from your mind

Never from your heart

Can we be friends?

I doubt it

Since I love you too much

I can't stop this pain

You can't stop from hurting me

I'll try not to cry

As you leave

I'll try not to scream

When you leave me alone

All I can do is try

I tried to keep it all

I tried to hold our love

I guess I fail

I guess I tried to hard

Or maybe not enough

So I'll just cry hoping in the end you'll hold me

Tell me it'll be ok

Tell me we'll try again

Tell me you'll love me again

Every time

Every time I cry

Every time I feel so close

You hurt me again

Every time I smile

You take that away

All the love I had

You broke and threw it away

All the love I could share

You bottled it away

I hate

I loathe

I cry

All the pain

It's too much inside

I...I can't hold on to what's real

I can't hold onto you

You burn me

You scorn me

You laugh at me

You hurt me

So, why?

Why do I keep letting you hurt me?

Why do I keep letting you scorn me?

Simply because I love you

Beauty

What's beauty?

What is cute?

Is it me or her or maybe even them

Why is she called ugly?

And why are they called nothing

Beauty isn't real it never will be

We are what we are

We can simply be what we choose to be

And that is true beauty that I see

Pale Moon light

Dance, come dance with me

In the pale moon light

Don't be afraid

Just take my hand and smile

Don't cry for me

The rain already did that

Please just dance for me

Dance with me

Will you please?

Stop yelling at me

Stop glaring at me

I simply want you to dance with me

Under the pale moon light I see

My smile and yours to be

Shiver in me

I run

Through the silent night

I cry

As I trip through the brush

I breathe

As I try to catch my breath

Your gaining in on me aren't you?

I can feel your breath close to me

Why…why I ask and you echo my question

Why…why oh are you hurting me aren't you supposed to protect me?

You told me to run I thought out of fear

Now I see it's only a game

I am your prey as you hunt

A shiver a tear a bead of sweat

I can feel you closing in

I can't breathe as you slam me down

I can't see as things start to blacken out

The dagger…you gave me I can feel

Being pressed into me

Blood, pouring from my body

Death as it grips me

A shiver rips through me

Turned over I stared into the night

A night of no stars of no moon

Fear holds me close to its heart

Yet to you it's a beauty

To see my blood fall

Like crimson tears from my eyes

To see me die without a sound

No you can't have that only the best

Throwing me into a tree I scream out in pain

You take pride in that don't you?

To kill me

To abuse me

To use me

A shiver runs through me…

The Sun

The sun so high in the sky

Never knowing the hidden lies

Of its beauty its radiance

The sun so bright and hurtful

Mocking those who look

Blinding those who dare

Reaching out I wish to touch

But know I'll be scorned in the end

Its beauty only dares challenge that of the Moon

It's pale Sister

I want to touch them

Such beauties in the heavenly sky

Where so many things are unknown

Yet in the end I'll be burned

So instead I shall admire them from afar

So high in the sky

Never to know its hidden lies

The Sun

A kiss

Will it be cold or warm?

Gentle or rough

I wonder if it'll be neat or sloppy

Lust or passion

Or maybe even love

Will they be smooth?

Will it be quick or slow?

Will it be a peck or French?

I wonder if he'll pull me close

On the lips or on my cheek

I wonder what he'll do when he kisses me.

To See in Me

I wish you could see me

I wonder if you see what I see

The love I hold for you

The admire I try to show you

Maybe you do see it

Maybe you're afraid

Or maybe you don't care

I wish you would hold me

I wish you wouldn't ignore me

You're my reason

For why I stop doing the things I do

For it would disappoint you

Now I see no reason to stop

I feel the urge

I wish you were there to tell me it's ok

To hold me close while I cried

I wish you could see me

I wish you could

See the fear in my eyes if I ever lose you

I'll try

I'll hide behind this fake smile

I'll hide behind this laugh

I'll try to make you not see

The pain you have caused me

I'll smile and laugh even though it's fake

Even though I still feel the pain

I want so badly to cry, but I know it's pathetic

To cry like some weak person

So show such an intimate emotion to those around me

So I'll hide

Hide away from this world

Behind my fake smile

Even though my eyes are dead

Behind a fake laugh

Even though my blood is cold

I'll try not to worry you

Not like you'll care

Not like you care that I loved you

No still love you

So I'll try

To hide behind the wall of my feelings

I don't think I can take the pity in your eyes

So I'll try

I'll try to hide

My Life

You look at me and what do you see

A girl

A girl in black

A girl who is strange with her own sense of taste

Tell me what you know of me

Do you know my full name?

Do you know my home life?

Do you know my favorite food?

I suppose not

You look at me and think she's too weird to know

I'm sometimes sad

So it makes me different

I see life in a way I doubt anyone would understand

But you could at least try

You look at me and think I'm goth or emo

I suppose to some degree you could be right

But sadly you're off by a few decades

I'm me the only person I can and shall be

I won't change for anyone

I see I won't be accepted by anyone

I know my fate I know I shall be alone

You look at me…you look right thought me

And what pray tell do you see

A smile, a laugh

How foolish you are to think it's true

I hide behind it if you look my eyes are dead

If you see I hold back the tears

I keep you away I'm afraid

I try to be brave but inside I want to cry

I want to fall and never get up

But if I did then you'd laugh right

My pain is funny

Even I'll crack a smile at how pitiful it is

I want to be hugged but I'm afraid of your touch

That if you do I'll break down

I'll become what I hate most

Pathetic

Weak

Ashamed

All those things that make me hate with a passion

It's hard to say though if maybe I should die

But would it matter when I am so dead on the inside

My Life prt 2

I bleed

I die

So simple isn't it

I live

I breathe

Simple math of life and death

I see this world for how it is

A land of lies

A land of blood

A land of death

To obtain peace we must fight

Nothing can be simple

Not even death

Complex in its beauty

Livid in its cold demeanor

Yet that is how I see it

How I know it to be

I refuse to change my thought

If I did then I cease my life

I forfeit my uniqueness to those around me

I become what I hate most

I find it rather pathetic to think such thoughts

I guess since if I ever voice them no one would understand

No one would care just chalk it up as crazy talk

My points of view are different

I let so much out yet I never let in

There is no happy place in my mind

Nothing of sunshine and beauty

No it's filled with blood

Of death of those around me and I am the cause

Of rain made of tears

I feel so alone

I feel so pathetic

Makes me sick

Makes me hate

Makes me fear

And I hate that I hate it so much

I want it to end I want it all to go

But if it did then how much would I miss

Happiness

It isn't real

It's never there

At least not for me

It never sings to me

Never holds me

Such a pity

Stupid word

H A P P I N E S S

Stupid letters that make a stupid word

A word full of lies that end in pain

Yes pain

P A I N

Simple word

With simple letters

Simply an equation

Happiness + me = Pain

See simple

Yet for others they never notice

That soon all the happy times will end

Will end in pain

Will end in hurt and tears

Or maybe even worse

Happiness

It isn't real

Because it was never there

For me

Claws

Claws, talons

Razor sharp to cut through me

So easily I probably wouldn't have felt it

Sharp and beautiful

Livid full of rage

I stand there in awe watching the slow motion swipe

Transfixed by such a beauty that could kill

That could destroy

Yes I stood there to die by such beauty is simply an honor

One I could not refuse

Claws…Talons

The most dangerous beauty there is

To have

I'm happy to have known you

Happy to have loved you

I'm happy for every tear you caused

And every one you kissed away

Simply I'm happy to be near you

To see you

To hear you

You make the day

My thought always on you

Through the good and the bad

I'm happy to have known you

I'm happy for your words weather harsh or kind

I'm happy that you care

Be it for me or for others

To have been

To have not

I'm happy for those moments

Which were and could have been

Where I belong

I ask this all the time

Where do I belong?

I listen and I learn

Yet I've lost everything

Maybe I'm the only one or maybe there others

I'm alone I'm alone

And it's my own pain

My own fault

I want to heal and be healed

Yet no one will come near me

I just push you all away

All I did was fail

I never thought it'd be this way

And you look and laugh with pity

And the fault will always be my own

I can't erase it I can't undo it

Somewhere I belong

Nowhere

Somewhere

Everywhere

I'll run away from me

From my reflection

As it crashes in on me

As blood rains down on me

I'll let it go

I'll run away from it all

Scared hollow and alone

Somewhere I belong

I'll run

Run away from it all

To where I belong

Runaway love

Look away from me

Run away from me

I can't bear to see the pain in me

Smash the pieces break the chain

I can't stop this no matter how I try

This pain

This soul

This heart

Runaway from me

Don't look back at me

Stop trying to help me

Please…stop screaming at me

Death before my eyes

Blood on my hands

Please stop this

Stop this dream

But it's not a dream

This is my reality

Runaway from me

I can't bear to see me

Smash this mirror image

Smash this broken soul

No matter how I try

I'll never run away from me

Unknown

Dead to me

Unknown I see

In my life

I don't understand

These questions I think

I don't care anymore

I can't feel anymore

I refuse to be saved

Unknown to me

Are the things I see…

Falling

Open your eyes

And watch it all fly by

Open your ears

And feel the wind fly through

This sensation is pleasant

This feeling is new

Turn around

And see it all get closer

Don't scream it won't matter to me

Embrace the air and soar

Embrace this feeling before impact

Count down if you must

I see it all now

It feels so scary

I wish I could scream

Those dots what do they see

This twist of fate

This crazy kid

This sad thing

I can already see it the air stained red

I close my eyes as I see my reflection

Falling and there's nothing to stop me

Who am I?

Who am I really?

Who are you to tell me?

Why can't I see my true self?

So I'll ask again who are you to tell me.

To tell me who I am and what my point is

Unless you're me then shut up

Unless you can see go away

I'm trying to solve this problem

I look in this mirror and think

What is my inner beauty?

Again who are you to show me?

To try and tell me

When I myself can't even see it

Unless you're me then shut up

Unless you can see go away

Yet you won't will you

Yet you continue to stay no matter how hard I push

It's why I hate you and why I love you

Since you're the only one who can see the real me

Who will ever know the real me

I love you

Three words that can mean so little

And yet it means so much

Three words that can make your day

And hurt you the most

No one knows its meaning

It's whatever you want it to be

Some may find it other may have already lost it

Yet many will never find it

Their the ugliest words yet the most beautiful

Put together they can be deadly

Apart they can be silent

It'll leave a mark in your heart

Be it good or bad

Three words that change the way you feel

Three words that can change your fate

It means so much

Maybe not to you but to me it means everything

Three little words that can hurt, that can heal, that can touch me in such a way

I love you

Dream

In my dreams I find peace

In my dreams I'll find you

My ninja in black

My knight in armor

It's where I belong

Where I'm understood

It's where the moon always shines

Bright and full

It's where I dance my life away

Where I write and sing

Where you hold me close and never let go

No where else can I see you

Where I can see myself

It's where I'm most loved by those who don't love me

In my dreams everything is true

Nothing is ever blue

It's where I am most loved, accepted, and known

Nightmare

The counterpart to a dream

Where I am killed

Where the moon is red

Where you kill me

A nightmare

Is when

I'm dead

Alone

Feared

Misunderstood

It's when I'm awake and I find it's the truth

That all those things will happen

I'm dead on the inside it's seen in my eyes

I'm alone since I won't let anyone close to me

I'm feared because I won't let anyone in

I'm misunderstood because no one can try

My nightmare is when I'm asleep and when awake

It's when I know that everything around me is a lie

When I myself am a lie

My nightmare is my life

My life is a nightmare

And this truth is why I slowly die

The counterpart to a dream

Will always be my life

Love me as I am

You hate my hair

You hate my smile

You hate my laugh

You hate my mind

So why do you love me

You hate my clothes

You hate my hands

You hate my eyes

You hate my voice

So why do you love me

I love your voice

Your thoughts and mind

I love your touch and your kiss

I love your soul

I love your heart

So why do you love me

You want to change me and make me fake

I want to keep you the same

Even if it means pain

So why do you love me

I love our fights

I love the time we have

You hate my spirit

You hate my touch

If you truly loved me the way I love you then never try to change me

So why do you love me

When I love you

Inside of Me

No ones knows what's on the inside

No one feels what's on the inside

You can't see my inner soul

You can't feel my inner turmoil

I'll turn away

Turn my back on this world

And place myself in the shadows

Keep myself in the corner

If I cry you won't ever see I'll hold it in on the inside

If I hurt you won't ever know since I'll try to act strong

Inside of me no one will ever see

So many walls I've built up around me

I trust no one no matter how it may seem

I watch all with hate and loathing

Distrust in the air around me

I simply feel sick just thinking of them

Of anyone who believes they can truly help me

When it's already too late to help the helpless

Let me go

You try to hold me close as we stand in this rain

Our umbrella already forgotten

You try to keep me close as we stand in this cold

Jackets already slipping away

I love the rain

And you ask me why

I look at you and smile

Because no one can see I'm crying

You shook your head and kissed away the rain tears

Not unless they truly love you

I laugh

And are you that person the one who loves me

Shaking your head and again I try to pull away

I may not be that person who loves you

Already out of your grasp I can't hear you turning away you grab my hand

I admit I can't say I love

Please let me go
I admit that I do care for you more than anyone

Let me go I want to leave

I can't see anyone but you

Then say that you love me

I can't say those words

And why is that

Because it goes beyond that of love so much that I cant find the words

Looking down my hair already soaked

Smiling I yank my hand away and run

If you truly cant find the words then come after me

Don't let go

If you truly care and love me pull me back and hold me

Don't let me get away

If you truly want me then say it

Please hold me close

Looking back I see you leaving the umbrella

You won't let go

I see you smile

You'll always chase after me

I see that hair darken from the rain

Continuing to hold me closer

I see you coming after me

You'll never let me go

I see that rainy day

When you never would let me go

My Child

A child with me and him

A child with so much beauty in our eyes

A child with innocence I hope never to lose

Yes my child

A child I want to always protect

Yet I know I can't

A child I want to be pure

Yet I know that it's their choice

A child I will love

I know I can always do that

Never would I want to let go

Yet I know some day I must

My child

My beautiful baby

Know I will be there

Know that I will love you

Know that I am sorry for some mistakes

Know that you will and shall always be

My child