Original Poetry Fan Fiction ❯ Words ❯ I dunno... ( Chapter 8 )

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By: iloveanimecartoons
Ever been so down and out of it you couldn't think straight?


First Version January 23, 2008
Genre: Psycological/Angst/Drama
Rating: Teen

Miscellaneous: Original Poetry Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Psychological / Hentai / Drama / Romance / Angst | Type: Self Insertion | Uploaded On: 01.23.2008 | Updated On: 02.12.2008 | Pages: 6 | Words: 3.4K | Visits: 401 | Status: Completed

I dunno…
by iloveanimecartoons
First Version January 23, 2008
Genre: Psycological/Angst/Drama
Rating: Teen
 
 
 
I feel like, if I don't' release soon, I'm gonna explode
Listening to my depressing play lists to induce tears
“Yes, I'm okay” is the theme for the day
Talking in monotone
Laughing in code
 
Sucking up emotions to the point of mental exhaustion
It takes a lot of energy to be happy for everyone
Maybe because it's the norm, how I'm used to being
Is that really me
or am I just used to going through the motions?
 
Can't force a smile for the life of me
So, I…avoid
Because the thought of company has me downright annoyed
I wish anime was real, right about now
Maybe Kanna could suck me into the void
But, I digress
Since, in this state of mind, my thinking's a mess
 
I'm almost glad I lost my cell phone now
Okay, now that was a lie from the pits of HELL
Mr. Telephone man, there's something wrong with my heart
Will a chat with someone I haven't seen in ages really help?
Somehow, I feel it'll tear things further apart
Frazzling my nerves and testing my patience till I snap
Maybe I'll take a long winter's nap
Nah, too many of those and I wake up with a migraine
Yeah, scratch that
Headaches are a bitch and puffy, itchy eyes are kind of a pain
 
 
Why won't the tears come?
I, myself, hate to cry but I know
Just know
That my nose is gonna close up permanently if I don't sniffle soon
and blow
 
 
Too many people around
Shit
Can't breakdown in public, now can I?
Oh, a few tears escaped behind a closed hand
A lady, nearby asked if I was okay
Three times
Yes, I nod
No, I shake
I dunno, I shrug
 
 
Would I be a total loser to ask a stranger for a hug?
 
 
I can't help how I feel
While trying to be realistic, I need to keep it real
The equivalent of a paper cut viewed as an amputation
Probably because all the current crap I'm experiencing is adding to past frustrations
 
 
Sniffle
 
 
Shit,
false alarm
It wasn't tears, it's just chilly in here
 
 
Alcohol!
Sounds like a winner!
 
 
Maybe a fifth of Jack, some coolers and a couple of beers
And, hell, some crack, while I'm at it
Nah
I'm not that bad off
I'm pretty sure, anyway
…hmmm…
No, leave the coolers
My throat's inordinately dry, right about now
 
 
Sniff sniffle sniff…
 
 
Cough
 
 
Yeah, it's just the chill in the air
 
 
Crap
sucks to be anemic
 
 
I can't seem to pick my face up off the floor
It feels like I'm never gonna laugh anymore
I'm sure it's just a phase
Besides, there's much better things out there to do than sobbing for days
 
 
Yeah
 
…yeah…
 
 
Quiet, inner child
`Mama' is gone so don't work yourself up in a tizzy
`Papa' just preaches and everyone else is too busy
The stranger on the street is to philosophical
Nah
Just leave it be, little one
Curl up in the fetal position again
Yeah, that'll be fun
No, I can't reach you to hold you…
Sorry little dudette
Just…I dunno…
Go play with my psyche for a while
You guys seem to get along well
Well, at least she's good company
No, I don't feel like talking right now
Sorry…
It's really something when you can make your own inner child sad
 
Oh, great!
You can cry!
Well, why the friggin' hell can't I?
 
 
It's been a long time since I've pondered playing in open traffic
Nice truck you've got there
Mind if I get a closer look?
Ooooh, lookit!
The express bus is early!
Should I go say hi to the driver?
 
 
Okay, time to lie down again
At times like this, I could really use a friend
Not for answers, embraces, or slices of cheesecake as we view Lifetime
Just look at me—screw the pity pout, now—and just listen
You know, that phenomenon where folks pay attention and shut up long enough to actually let the person they claim they want to help speak their minds
No, that's not a new concept
It's rather old school, actually
Heh…maybe folks oughta try that more, sometime
And, no, you don't need to speak when spoken to
 
I feel rather off
Like my brain is on TILT
Yet, I'm not so disconnected to escape all those feelings of guilt
The woulda coulda shoulda thing
 
Whatev…
 
 
I shudder
Feelings
Oy vey
 
 
Maybe I'm just rambling
Is anyone listening anyway?
Would they, if I tried to reach out
Would they care enough to give their very best?
My feelings are on the line
Will someone pickup?
Do you hear me, now?
 
Do they?
 
Would that be good?
 
I dunno…
 
Limbo is so nice this time of year
Maybe it's time to go on vacation
How about a nice acid trip
I hear the view is wonderful at night
Okay, I'm babbling again, am I right?
 
 
I don't know what to think
I don't feel like I have the strength to shake this on my own
A tingle runs through me and my eyes get warm
I miss Daddy hugs
These depressing songs aren't really working
 
 
Oh, hell, just cry and get it over with!
Pride supplies my own self-prejudices
A paradox, it rolls in on itself
I want to be brave
I want to let go
What the hell do I want?
Sad how many times I recall saying “I dunno”
I can't be that feeble-minded
Then again…
 
 
Aw, hell!
My brain hurts
What to do, what to do…
 
I…just dunno…
 
 
Yeah, my mind is officially on TILT
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen and good night
Don't forget to tip your waitresses
I wouldn't mind a few tips, myself, right now
Just remember
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