Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ Bad Anime ❯ Hello, I'm a Supervillain ( Chapter 2 )

The executive led the Toons to the animation studio, which made Nadeshiko nervous. "Meet the villains of 'Frozen Ragnarök'."

"What about the maintenance crew for the ULTRAs?" Johnny asked.

"That can wait."

"Listen, poor maintenance will transform an ULTRA into a deathtrap, and I refuse to pilot a deathtrap."

'Of all the nerve!' "The character designer will design a maintenance crew for the ULTRAs. Just give him some time." The executive turned to a second group of Toons. "Please you introduce yourselves."

"I am General Grand Duke Beherit, Supreme Commander of the Red Legions." The 220-centimeter-tall man was middle-aged, bald, and had eyes with red and yellow irises that resembled flames. The man wore a medieval knight's armor, painted red, with spikes on the shoulders. His left hand cradled a helmet with a demon mask forming the visor. He was armed with a machine pistol, which had a katana blade attached to the grip.

"I am Crown Princess Balthild, scion of the House of Merovingian, heir to the throne of the Kingdom of the Holy Night, the dominion of immortals." The 18-year-old woman had long black hair that reached her waist, and violet eyes. She wore a golden tiara that resembled a bat with spread wings, a golden cross, a black leather corset, a violet dress, and elbow-length gloves. Bat wings encircled her shoulders, making it seem as if she wore a leather cape. She was armed with a scythe, whose blade resembled a bat wing, and a rapier.

Johnny noticed Balthild's fangs. "You're a vampire?"

"I am a dhampire, the child of a vampire father and a human mother."

"From the House of Merovingian, not Dracula?"

"We Merovingians are the descendants of the Lord Jesus Christ, who promised eternal life for his followers... a promise fulfilled when one becomes a vampire," the dhampire stated.

"Interesting."

"I am Polyphemus 01." The three-meter-tall robot resembled his namesake, a Cyclops. Antennas, resembling knife blades, crowned his head. He had sharp teeth; no one could guess what they were for. A MK47 grenade launcher was attached to each forearm, the weapons fed from two ammo boxes behind his shoulders.

The executive turned to the first group of Toons. "Nadeshiko, Johnny, Aimei..."

"Aizhan," the tsundere girl corrected.

"You will each choose an archenemy to face in battle."

"Before we begin, may I ask what my motivation is?" Beherit asked.

"Your motivation?"

"The reason I'm fighting against the heroes," Beherit explained.

"You... are... uh... trying to take over the world!"

"But it seems the UN is attempting to do so, based on your description of the EPF," Enduring Peacekeeping Forces, the renamed Permanent Peacekeeping Forces.

The executive began to sweat. "Uh..."

Aizhan drew Raven's Kiss and pointed the chainsword at Polyphemus 01. "You will be my archenemy."

Balthild turned to Aizhan. "I believe I am more suitable; as the descendent of a vampire, I am a traditional enemy of werewolves."

Aizhan didn't bother to turn her head. "I don't give a damn about tradition. I want to fight the killer robot."

"That is acceptable," the robot stated.

"Sigh." Balthild turned to Johnny, who approached Beherit and extended his hand.

"I guess you'll be my archenemy. I'm Johnny Tsurugi."

Beherit shook Johnny's hand. "It will be an honor to face you in battle."

The warrant officer pointed at the general's weapon. "A GLOCK 18C?"

"Yes."

"You should remove the sword blade; it unbalances the weapon, making it difficult to aim."

Beherit shrugged. "The director insisted on this design; I have no choice but to use it."

"Damn."

Balthild glided towards Nadeshiko. "You look delicious." The woman smiled as she caressed the girl's cheek, making Nadeshiko shiver. "I'll be seeing you."

***

BAD ANIME CHAPTER 2: HELLO, I'M A SUPERVILLAIN, YOUR ARCHENEMY FOR TODAY

By Sidewinder (aim9snake@hotmail.com), originally as "Enter the Villains" in 2007, last revised 2008.

***

Steve entered the pistol range to see Johnny, Spice, Abe, and Beherit practicing marksmanship.

Abe's right hand drew a GLOCK 21SF. He squeezed the trigger; the gunpowder in the .45 ACP (11.43 x 23 mm) casing ignited, propelling the bullet through the target's head. The black man put the pistol in his left hand, squeezed the trigger, and sent a bullet through the target's neck. "I am badass." He continued to practice firing with his left hand; the bullet holes crept upwards, towards the first hole.

"Piece of shit!" Beherit cursed. As Johnny predicted, the sword blade unbalanced his weapon; Beherit's best efforts could only make the bullets graze the target.

Spice's forearm split open to let a rail guide a GLOCK 30SF subcompact pistol mounting a GTL 52, from a hidden compartment in her forearm, to her hand. The golden-haired sexaroid squeezed the trigger, sending a bullet through the target's head.

Johnny stood with his back to the target. The warrant officer held his pistols behind his head and fired, hitting the target's chest and head every time. Then Spice began to imitate Johnny, with comparable accuracy.

"How do you do that?" Steve asked.

"We installed cameras in the GTL 52s." Johnny unloaded one of his pistols and held it in front of Steve. "They send images through my stigmata, my cybernetic implants, which are projected over the lower corners of my eyes."

Steve took the pistol, examined it, and noticed a LED on the grip. "That's cool." Steve returned the pistol to Johnny, who reloaded it. "Mind if I join you?"

"Feel free."

Steve unbuttoned his jacket to reach the Springfield Armory 1911-A1 Operator semiautomatic pistol in his shoulder holster, and stood in the lane next to Johnny's. He drew the pistol, assumed the Weaver stance-- in which both hands held the pistol-- squeezed the trigger, and sent a bullet through the target's chest.

*

Balthild followed Nadeshiko and Sugar to the dojo.

"Are you sure?" Nadeshiko asked. "The dojo has windows; the sunlight might burn you."

"Contrary to modern folklore, sunlight will not harm vampires, although it does limit our powers; in Bram Stoker's novel 'Dracula', the Count can move about in daylight," Balthild stated.

"Okay." The girl opened the door and entered the dojo, followed by the silver-haired sexaroid and the dhampire.

Sugar approached the sword rack and took a shinai. "Let us begin," she said to Nadeshiko.

"Okay, Miss Sugar." Nadeshiko put on bogu and then approached the sword rack. To her surprise, Balthild also took a shinai.

"I wish to spar with you," the dhampire explained as she released her scythe, whose blade separated into two wings that flapped to keep the weapon off the floor.

The girl turned to the silver-haired sexaroid, who asked, "Shouldn't you wait until we begin filming?"

The dhampire approached the sword rack. "If we know each other's limits, we can choreograph battle scenes between us more dramatically."

"You have a point."

Balthild, holding her shinai like a rapier, pointed it at Nadeshiko. "On guard." She glided forwards with superhuman speed; the scythe flew behind the dhampire as the tip of her shinai touched her opponent's throat.

"Gasp!" Nadeshiko stepped back, shocked at Balthild's speed.

"You should have parried my thrust and then counterattacked."

"But you're too fast!" the girl cried.

"That is no excuse. You are my archenemy; you must make yourself worthy of that role."

Nadeshiko's head bowed in resignation. "Yes, Princess."

"Do not bow your head like a servant. Look me in the eyes with pride, for I have chosen you to be my archenemy."

Nadeshiko complied. "Yes, Princess."

"Now attack."

Nadeshiko's body began to glow, as if the girl had transformed into a light bulb. Her shinai traced a circle around her body. "Amaterasu... Descends!" She slashed to launch the attack, named for the Japanese sun goddess, sending a wave of psychokinetic energy towards her opponent.

Balthild glided sideways to dodge the incoming wave, which scorched the wall behind her. The dhampire glided forwards and slashed.

"Ite!" Nadeshiko put her right hand on her left shoulder.

"Your special move takes too long to set up," Balthild commented.

"But the character designer insisted on having a dramatic set up!"

"Tell the character designer to go to hell. You must make yourself a worthy opponent if you do not want the fans to dismiss you."

"Okay, Princess."

"Now attack."

The girl's body began to glow again. "Amaterasu..."

"Do not call out the name of your special move; it gives your opponent a warning and allows him or her to counter your move."

The light became dim. "Okay." It became bright again as Nadeshiko raised her shinai. "Yaaaa!" She slashed.

Balthild lunged, sending a beam of psychokinetic energy towards her opponent; the energies annihilated each other, scorching the floor. "You are improving." She closed the distance. Her arm was like a machine gun; Nadeshiko was barely able to parry Balthild's thrusts. Then the dhampire's left hand reached up to remove her opponent's helmet.

"Eh?" The girl felt the dhampire's lips upon her own, burning them. Nadeshiko stepped back, shocked at what Balthild did. "Princess!"

"I was right; you are delicious." The dhampire smiled, which made the girl nervous.

*

The tsundere girl marched into the hangar, where the businessman waited.

"Good morning... Miss Aimei?" The businessman barely recognized the tsundere girl. The Sappenpanzer, redesigned to protect her back and shoulders as well as the front of her body, was worlds apart from the qipao.

"I've changed my name to Aizhan." She turned to a Lincoln MKX Hybrid crossover utility vehicle (CUV). "Is that my car?"

"Yes." The businessman handed the keys to her.

"Thanks." Aizhan opened the door and drove towards the hangar door.

Polyphemus 01 approached the CUV, which stopped beside him. "What is your destination?"

"The rifle range," Aizhan answered. "I wish to practice my marksmanship."

"May I accompany you?"

Aizhan opened the door to the cargo compartment. "Don't scratch up my car, or I'll have your head."

"Yes, Madam." Polyphemus 01 folded his legs against his body to fit himself in the space provided, and closed the door. Then Aizhan drove through the hangar door.

The CUV arrived at the rifle range. "We're here," Aizhan said as she took Raven's Kiss from the passenger seat and slung the chainsword across her back. Polyphemus 01 exited the cargo compartment.

Aizhan, her left hand gripping a M25 grenade launcher, marched in front of a target; she extended her arm and aimed the weapon. The tsundere girl squeezed the trigger; the gunpowder in the 25 x 40 mm casing ignited, propelling the training round into the ground in front of the target.

"Your accuracy will improve if you weld the stock against your shoulder and support the barrel with your other hand," the robot noted.

"It will also improve with practice. Besides, I intend to hold my chainsword in my other hand." Aizhan squeezed the trigger repeatedly; the training rounds crept towards the target.

Polyphemus 01 confirmed that Aizhan's accuracy was improving. 'She will be a formidable opponent.' "What is reason you became a berserker?"

The tsundere girl sent a training round through the target's chest. "Are you programmed to be curious?"

"I am programmed to gather all available information on an enemy, in order to better fight them."

Another hole appeared in the target's chest. "I want to kick ass."

"According to the scriptwriter, your original role would have you do so."

"Until I fall in love with the hero; then I'll become weak and in need of his protection. I don't want to be a damsel in distress; I want to be a damsel who causes distress." Aizhan reloaded and began to practice firing with her right hand.

'Should I also reconsider my role?' The robot pondered this question as he stood in the lane next to the tsundere girl, extended his arms, and began to rain training rounds on the target.

***

Johnny, Spice, and Beherit waited in the hangar. The warrant officer pointed at his archenemy's weapon; the katana blade was now mounted under the pistol barrel, like a bayonet. "Crimson Trace Lasergrips?"

"Yes." Beherit drew his weapon, which mounted a laser sight; a red dot was projected on the wall. "The mechanical designer was very angry when I told him about the modifications, because my mount's main weapon would also have to be modified; I had to demonstrate the weapon's inaccuracy," by shooting at the mechanical designer, "to make him agree with me."

"A better idea would be to remove the sword blade."

Beherit shrugged. "I wish I could."

The executive led Nadeshiko, Sugar, and 16 beautiful young women of various ethnic backgrounds-- Toons-- to the hangar. "Here's the maintenance crew you requested."

Johnny examined the women, many of whom were distinguishable only by their hairstyles. 'The character designer is damn lazy.' "Who are the crew chiefs?"

A 26-year-old Latina and a 30-year-old Japanese woman approached him. "Sergeant First Class Lara Cruz, crew chief for ULTRA One."

Johnny shook the Latina's hand. "I expect you to prevent my ULTRA from becoming a deathtrap."

Lara smiled. "You can count on me, Sir."

The Japanese woman bowed. "I am Heian Sakura, crew chief for ULTRA Zero."

Johnny noted Nadeshiko's resemblance to Sakura, and the absence of rank insignia on the woman's flight suit. "A civilian?"

"Yes," the woman answered. "I am an engineer employed by Heian Heavy Industries," the fictional company that built the pink robot.

The warrant officer turned to the girl. "Your mother?"

"She's my aunt," Nadeshiko answered.

"Kikka -- my elder sister, Nadeshiko's mother-- died when Nadeshiko was six. I cared for my niece as my brother-in-law focused his attention on the ULTRA Project," the woman explained.

Johnny turned to Sakura. "I expect you to be extra careful with ULTRA Zero's maintenance."

"I will be."

"Where is the maintenance crew for my mount?" Beherit asked.

'Damn you, Tsurugi!' "The character designer is designing them right now," the executive answered.

Johnny turned to Lara. "What's ULTRA One's status?"

"Full fuel tanks, full complement of Excalibur, full complement of 30 mm TP," target practice, "full complement of Agile; she's ready to go," the Latina answered.

Johnny turned to Spice. "Let's take ULTRA One around the block."

"Yes, Mister Tsurugi." The golden-haired sexaroid followed her master into the cockpit. ULTRA One began to walk towards the hangar door.

The executive turned to Nadeshiko. "It's time for you fly ULTRA Zero."

The girl nervously fidgeted. "But..."

"Get in the cockpit."

Nadeshiko's head bowed in resignation. "Yes, Sir."

Sakura embraced her niece. "Don't worry; I won't let anything bad happen to you."

"Thank you, Aunt Sakura." Nadeshiko and Sugar climbed the ladder and entered the cockpit. "What am I supposed to do?" the girl asked.

"Do as Mister Tsurugi does," the silver-haired sexaroid answered.

ULTRA Zero followed ULTRA One to the hangar door. ULTRA One jumped into the air and transformed, the back-mounted turborockets accelerating the Carnotaurus to hypersonic speeds.

ULTRA Zero imitated ULTRA One. The robot transformed-- the radome unfolded from the chest to cover the head, the arms retracted into the body, and fins unfolded from the sides of the legs-- to resemble the X-15 rocket plane. The ULTRAs flew towards the artillery range, where the wreckages of robots, piloted by hero and villain alike in past works of anime, sat on the ground.

Nadeshiko stared at the wreckages. "What are they?"

"Targets," Johnny answered. ULTRA One transformed to assault mode and hovered over the artillery range. Rails guided 155 mm howitzers with targeting pods mounted under the barrels, from the weapons bays in ULTRA One's forearms, to its hands; the weapons resembled giant GLOCK 21SFs mounting giant GTL 52s. The howitzers, six AIM-95 Agile missile tubes mounted on the shoulders-- cruise mode's forearms-- and a head-mounted GAU-13/A Gatling gun targeted a wreck. Crosshairs were projected over the wreckage. "Targeting, go." He fired the GAU-13/A; the gunpowder in the 30 x 173 mm casings ignited at a rate of 2400 rounds per minute, propelling a dozen TP shells into the target's head. "Gat," Gatling gun, "go." Johnny aimed the howitzers in two different directions; his cybernetic implants displayed images of his targets on the lower corners of his eyes. The howitzers fired shells at the targets, launching them into the air; the wreckages performed somersaults before they returned to the ground. "Howitzers, go."

Then an alarm warned Johnny that a weapons system was targeting ULTRA One. "What the...?" The warrant officer pushed the right joystick and the throttle; the black robot somersaulted, dodging a plasma beam. "Who...?"

An 18-meter-tall white robot, which resembled an armored samurai, rocketed towards ULTRA One. "Charles!" the pilot radioed as the white robot attached a plasma rifle to the small of its back, freeing its right hand so it could draw a metal rod from its left hip. The rod projected a nine-meter-long electromagnetic field containing superheated plasma, which formed a katana blade. "I will avenge Sakura Stoner!" The white robot slashed.

ULTRA One flew backwards, dodging the slash. "Spice, Gat, disable the bandit's," enemy robot's, "sensors," Johnny ordered as he fired two shells at the white robot, which blocked the shots, demonstrating the pilot's skill.

"Roger." Spice aimed the GAU-13/A at the white robot's eyes. She fired, blinding the white robot's main cameras.

The pilot turned on a backup camera in the robot's chest. "Sakuraaaa!"

The right howitzer retracted to free ULTRA One's hand, which drew a chainknife from the weapons bay in its right calf; the weapon resembled a giant GLOCK Survival Knife 81. The white robot slashed again. ULTRA One moved to the white robot's right side, dodging the slash as it stabbed the white robot's right armpit. The chainknife's gas turbine engine shrieked as the weapon severed the white robot's right arm. Johnny fired the left howitzer at point-blank range; the shell pierced the armor on the white robot's back, launched the white robot towards the ground, and then exploded.

"Mister Tsurugi!" The battle was over by the time ULTRA Zero drew its Psycho Sword.

ULTRA One severed the white robot's left arm, left and right legs, and-- in case it had head-mounted weapons-- the head. "Return to base," Johnny ordered.

*

The maintenance crew was surprised when ULTRA One carried the white robot's wreckage to the hangar.

Johnny radioed, "I've captured an EPW," enemy prisoner of war. "Where are your weapons?"

Lara pressed the TRANSMIT button on her radio headset. "In the armory," she answered.

"Get them." Johnny watched the maintenance crew run out of the hangar, and waited for the women to return, armed with Heckler & Koch G36K carbines; the Latina's mounted an AG36 grenade launcher. "From now on, I want you to be armed and ready at all times."

"Yes, Sir."

"I'm getting the EPW out of the cockpit. Get ready." Johnny watched the women took cover and aimed their weapons at the wreckage. ULTRA One's chainknife cut open the hatch on the white robot's chest.

A 15-year-old boy emerged from the white robot's cockpit. "Charles!" He drew a semiautomatic pistol, aimed it at ULTRA One, and then noticed the US Army insignia on the robot. "Wait, you're not Charles Assyria." He lowered the weapon.

"Freeze!" "Throw your weapon over here!" "Do it, or you're Swiss cheese!" the women ordered.

"Don't shoot!" The boy threw his pistol towards Lara.

"Identify yourself!" the Latina ordered.

"I'm Amano Rei, the hero of 'Mechanized Striker Gunboy'," the boy stated.

Johnny turned on the loudspeaker. "Why the hell did you attack me?"

"I thought you were Charles Assyria, my archenemy, who murdered the girl I love," the boy explained. "Your robot looked just like Charles' MS," mechanized striker.

'The mechanical designer is damn lazy,' Johnny thought of the man who designed robots for both 'Mechanized Striker Gunboy' and 'Frozen Ragnarök'. "Do you usually shoot first, ask questions later?"

"No. I often ask my superiors and my peers why we're fighting..."

"I mean do you usually shoot without first identifying your target and making sure you won't hit an innocent bystander?"

The boy's head bowed in shame. "Yes."

'Damn kid,' Johnny thought.

*

Steve sat in the break room, drinking coffee. The door opened. "Good morning, Johnny."

"Good morning, Steve." Johnny marched to the coffee maker and poured himself a cup.

"Is it true you scrapped one of those Gunboy robots?" One of the military advisor's friends was a fan of 'Mechanized Striker Gunboy'.

Johnny sat down in front of Steve. "Yes."

"Good. That means you're badass."

Johnny took a sip. "The Gunboy pilot was a 15-year-old. He wasn't a serious threat, despite the Gunboy's impressive firepower."

"Why would anyone want a 15-year-old...?" Steve remembered that Nadeshiko was a 14-year-old. "Never mind. Where's the Gunboy pilot now?"

"He called Rising Sun," the company that created 'Mechanized Striker Gunboy', "and had someone pick up him and his Gunboy. Apparently the mechanical designer recycled the design of an enemy robot in 'Gunboy' for ULTRA One, so the maintenance crew is repainting the ULTRA gray with black tiger stripes."

"That's FUBAR," fucked up beyond all recognition.

Johnny took another sip. "Agreed."

Abe entered the break room, marched in front of Johnny, and extended his hand. "Congratulations."

Johnny rose to attention. "Sir?"

"Just shake my hand." Abe waited for Johnny to comply. "You just kicked the ass of a robot from a rival company. That's something to be proud of."

"The pilot was a 15-year-old. That's nothing to be proud of."

"Why is the robot pilot always a 14, 15, 16-year-old?" Steve asked.

"So the viewers-- many of whom are 14, 15, 16-year-olds-- can relate to them," Abe answered.

"Hell, I can relate to Johnny just fine. Why can't the viewers do the same?"

Abe shrugged. "It's a Japanese thing; we Americans just don't understand."

***

To be continued...