Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ Dimitri 3210 ❯ Strategies and Placements ( Chapter 2 )

Strategies and Placements:

Party Like it's 3199!

 

 

 

WARNING!: What you are about to read is not for the faint of heart, or the faint of butt. It contains graphic scenes of idiocy, along with horrible accounts of weirdness. I kindly ask those of you without a sense of humor to look away.

 

 

 

“Where are they?” COM asked. He was in a locker room—filled with lockers, for some reason—that was painted blue. There were several benches in front of him. “I told that Idenshi kid to come back at the end of the last chapter! He's late!”

 

“Excuse me,” a voice said from behind COM. It was Wigger. He was wearing leather pants, for some reason, and no shirt. He wore a spiked belt, and was also wearing two-feet taller than he had been in the last chapter and twice as many muscles.

 

“Hello.” Blocke said as he walked into the room. He was still wearing his janitor outfit and the nametag that insisted his name was Cedric. “My name is Blocke, I'm here to join Team Caro Bukser.”

 

“Me too.” Anne said happily as she walked in. She was no longer carrying her purse. “I'm Anne. Nice to meet you.” “Nice to meet you!” Wigger said as he shoved Blocke out of the way. “My name is Luffy, and I'm gonna be King of the Pirates!”

 

“No way, Straw Hat!” A voice said as a cannonball came out of a locker and hit Wigger. Dimitri jumped out of the locker, wearing a huge, red rubber nose, a pirate hat, and his hair was in pigtails that hung over the side. “One Piece is mine!”

 

“Dimitri!” Wigger said happily. “I haven't seen you in years!” “Yeah, me neither.” Dimitri said, now dressed in his normal clothes. His eyes suddenly turned red and his hair turned purple. “WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?!” He yelled as he shot Wigger's brain.

 

“Why the hell did you do that?!” Idenshi asked as he walked in. “Yeah!” Wigger said from right next to Idenshi, with no sign of injury on him. “Cedric's hurt because of you!”

 

Dimitri suddenly returned to normal and began crying. “You're right!” He sobbed. “I'm sorry for what I've done!” “Guys, I'm okay!” Blocke yelled from behind Dimitri. “And my name's Blocke!”

 

“It's just…” Dimitri said, completely ignoring Blocke, “when I was a reasonably sized baby, the Hokage sealed a demon inside me! It's been popping up ever since!”

 

“Um… are you confusing this with Naruto?” Idenshi asked. “No, really.” Blocke said. “My name's Blocke.”

 

“Well, it's good to see you found a team.” COM said. “Now, I want to talk about your placements on the team.” He pointed at Blocke. “Cedric!” He yelled. “You're our team's Goalman!” “My name's Blocke.” Blocke said.

 

“Shut yo mouth, fool!” Dimitri yelled as snow suddenly fell from the ceiling and buried Blocke. “Dimitri, you're our team's Snackman.” COM said. “It's the most important part of the team, next to everything else.”

 

“Achieve!” Dimitri yelled happily. “Wigger,” COM said, “you're our team's second Pointman. Anne is the third. Now, has anyone here actually played AstroBall?”

 

Everyone looked at each other in confusion, saying things like, “I've never played AstroBall.”, “This is an AstroBall team?”, and “Damn, this snow is crushing me.” However, only Blocke was saying the last one.

 

“These fools don't know a thing agout the game, COM!” A voice said as someone stepped out of the shadows. He was of average height, not bald, wearing articles of clothing, and had nothing on his feet except two shoes and two socks.

 

“Who's that?” Dimitri asked. “That is Bentril.” COM said. “Yeah, I'm Gentril!” Bentril said. “And I'm the coach for this AstroGall team! It's my jog to make sure you idjits know how to play the glasted game!”

 

“Did you play AstroGall—Ball?” Idenshi asked. “I sure did.” Bentril said. `That's how I got this!” He pulled down the sock on his left ankle, and pulled up his article of clothing on his legs, showing what was on his left ankle.

 

“Oh, dear lord!” Dimitri yelled. “He has a tattoo of an eye on his ankle!” “What?” Bentril asked as he looked down at his left ankle. “Oh. That. Sorry.” He pulled down the sock on his right ankle, and pulled up his article of clothing on his legs, showing what was on his right ankle.

 

“You see that?” Bentril asked as he pointed at his ankle. Stabbed through his ankle was a pencil with a roll of toilet paper on it. “This could happen to any of you.” “I'm sorry,” Idenshi said, “but I don't understand.”

 

“Maybe it's getter that way.” Bentril said. “Now, here's how we play the game. COMPUTER SCREEN!” He yelled as the lockers suddenly exploded. When the smoke cleared, it revealed several sumo wrestlers all holding up a single computer screen.

 

“Now, here's how it works.” Bentril said as the computer screen lit up. “The goal is to get one of three galls into a goal. Red gall equals 3 points, glue gall equals 4 points, glack gall equals 10 points, and a scarlet gall makes you lose 7 points.”

 

“Sumo wrestlers?” Idenshi thought as he stared at the people holding up the computer screen. “I should have never signed up for this thing.”

 

“However,” Bentril continued, unaware of Idenshi's thoughts, “there are several gooby traps in the arena. These traps can range anywhere from a gottemless pit to spike-ed spikes. Also, littered around the arena, hidden of course, are several vehicles. These can help you get to the goals, which move frequently.”

 

“Why does he have sumo wrestlers?” Idenshi thought. One of the sumo wrestlers glared angrily at him. “Huh?” Idenshi asked right before the sumo wrestler broke the computer screen in half.

 

“What the hell's going on?!” Idenshi screamed. The sumo wrestler glared angrily at Idenshi. “You think I'm supposed to be some sorta clown?!” He asked as he grabbed Idenshi and held him up high. “I'll show you, punk!”

 

“I don't get this at all!” Idenshi said as the sumo wrestler tightened his grip. “You'll get this!” The sumo wrestler said as he took out a switch knife.

 

“Hey, look at that.” Dimitri said as he pointed at what was going on. “Yeah, someone should help him.” Wigger said. They continued staring at this for some time.

 

“Don't just stand there, idiots!” Anne yelled as she hit both of them with a large hammer she had mysteriously gotten from nowhere. “Go help him!”

 

“Oh, fine.” Dimitri said. “Why do I have to be a hero?” “You're the main character.” Wigger said. “So?” Dimitri asked. “That doesn't make me a damn Super Saiyan.”

 

The sumo wrestler was about to use the switch knife on Idenshi. “We don't even have any weapons.” Dimitri said. “I brought towels.” Wigger said. Dimitri thought for a second. “Those'll work nice!” He said finally.

 

The sumo wrestler brought the switch knife to Idenshi's throat… and was immediately hit by a flying towel. “Yeah, you'd better run!” Wigger said as the sumo wrestler came towards them.

 

“Wigger?” Dimitri asked. “I don't think these towels are powerful enough.” “Dang!” Wigger said as he dropped the towel he had been ready to throw at the sumo wrestler. “But I made sure to put the ammo in them!”

 

“We're going to have to fight like the night, right?” Dimitri asked. “Um… kite!” Wigger said. “Let's try throwing these at him!” He held up a number of washcloths.

 

“Guys, if the towels didn't work, the washcloths won't do much!” Idenshi yelled. But Dimitri had already thrown the washcloth at the sumo wrestler's face. As soon as the washcloth hit his face, he was sent flying into a nearby brick wall.

 

“Yeah!” Wigger said happily as he tossed one of the washcloths into the ground, leaving a small crater where it landed. “We rorox!” “Tell me about it, my man!” Dimitri said. There was a short pause.

 

“BUT IT'S YOUR FAULT THE TOWELS DIDN'T WORK!” Dimitri yelled angrily as he began tossing the washcloths at Wigger. “I'm sorry, Dimitri, really!” Wigger yelled while crying as he lied down on the floor in a weak position.

 

“This has got to be the weirdest team ever.” Idenshi said. “No, not really.” COM said. “I've seen weirder.” “But they should get better with practice.” Anne said. “Yeah, and we have plenty of time to practice.” COM said. “The next game is only in a few minutes.”

 

“A FEW MINUTES?!” Blocke, Idenshi and Anne all said. “Yes…” COM said. “But now that I've seen what powers you all have, I think you're ready. Or not. You might die. Slow and painfully.” Idenshi, Blocke, and Anne all stared at him.

 

 

 

 

Next Time: Game on Against North Pole!