Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ Inside Out ❯ Can I let go? ( Chapter 16 )

This was unexpected. He hadn't figured that the doctor would actually be serious about checking the place. He knew that their Aunt and Uncle were more than competent to look after Elias, and since they were his legal guardians if anything were to happen to their parent's, they were more than entitled to him.

 

“Shouldn't it already be cleared?” he asked finally. He didn't want to agree to the doctor's condition. He was afraid that if he came back to stay with them… no, he knew that if he came back to the apartment, he wouldn't be able to let him go. He wouldn't be able to let him go, and he would lose his determination to end the things that he'd started in the first place.

 

 

“We weren't planning on discharging him today,” the doctor replied.

 

“Well, then—”

 

“Are you or are you not alright with this condition? The Hospital has no qualms in keeping him here for an extended period of time, especially since we had no intention of releasing him this early in the first place.”

 

His jaw clenched, Lucas could feel Elias's hand go slack in his. His fingers tightened their grip, and closing his eyes, he forced the answer to leave his lips.

He hoped Sheek would be alright with this decision—albeit the fact that he didn't seem to mind having him over earlier.

 

“That's fine,” Lucas ground out.

 

The Doctor gave him a peculiar look, before signaling to the Nurse, who nodded and left the room. But not before shooting a dirty glare over her shoulder. The doctor turned to Elias, and giving him a kind, but fake smile, cleared his throat.

 

“Well, I hope you have a good Birthday, son. I'm sure your brother will inform us if any problems arise.”

 

Lifting his gaze, the doctor gave Lucas a heated glance, before turning on his heel and heading for the door. “I'll have the nurse prepare his release forms, and once you're ready, you can come down and sign him out.”

 

-

 

Elias felt very cold. Lucas had taken a long time to reply to the doctor's condition. Did he not want him there with him? Was he sick of him? Lowering his eyes in self doubt, he let go of his brother's hand and stepped back as the Doctor left. Lucas turned, and he could feel his gaze on him, before the man muttered, “Get ready.” And left.

 

 

The clothes he had worn to the Hospital had been trashed, and so he had only the- pair of sweats and the t-shirt that Lucas had brought up for him the first week he had been in the hospital. Pulling the pants up as they were too big for him, the boy scrambled to grab his hair brush and the jacket Lucas had brought up for him. He had allowed him to lead him down the hall and onto the main floor, but did not say anything if he spoke to him. He merely kept his gaze averted to the floor and remained silent.

 

Did Lucas really despise him that much? What had he done wrong? Things had started to look up for them while he had been staying with them the last time, and then his brother had…changed. It had surprised him, although he had seen him becoming something along the liens of a better person within the last several months. His outbursts were no longer as frequent, he was less violent—Lucas didn't even frighten him that much anymore. But today, he had seen a semblance of the older Lucas that Elias didn't care to remember, and he shivered into his jacket as the pair made it to the front desk. He took on an heir of nonchalance as his brother exchanged words with the nurse working at the desk, and while he scribbled down his signature on the release forms, he let his gaze wander to the door that would lead to his freedom.

 

He stomach twisted into a knot, and a wave of nausea overcame him. He didn't know what was going to happen anymore. Lucas didn't want him. He didn't want him, he could tell. He might be young, but he wasn't stupid, and it hurt like a bitch to know that the one person he had actually grown to love, although against his will at first, no longer or had never in the first place, shared his affection.

 

Eyes burning unexpectedly with tears, Elias gave a small sniff, and feigning a yawn, wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his jacket.

 

-

 

Lucas had informed Sheek already while Elias had been changing, of the decision he'd made. Sheek gave him a peculiar look, and although he hadn't said anything, Lucas knew he was doubtful of the words he'd spoke earlier. Did he have the willpower to end it? He had nearly folded when Elias had started to cry upon his arrival into the room. Damnit, how the hell had this happened to him? It had meant to just be a game! He didn't mean to fall so far into this—sex was fine; it had been only out of lust. He slept with anyone he felt like, and his personality had been so different then. Falling in love with his younger brother was what Lucas hadn't planned on. He didn't know when it had started, how it started, but he knew he was in deep now.

 

He was fucked in a bad way, and he had nobody to blame but himself.

 

Once the forms were complete and Elias was officially discharged, Lucas picked up the prescription notes that he would need to drop off later that after noon and stuffed them into his pocket. Elias was standing a slight ways away from him, and he did not fail to notice that he flinched when he extended a hand to lead him towards the doorway.

 

Sheek had pulled up to the entrance of the Hospital, and he had the car warmed and ready as Elias slipped into the back of the vehicle. Lucas covered him in a blanket that was folded up beside him, and slamming the door on his side, slipped into the front beside the other man.

 

The car felt extremely stifled as Sheek began the drive back to his apartment, and Lucas stared out the window, trying to focus on the things outside rather than his brother's reflection that was being cast in the glass. Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, he stuffed his hands deep inside the confines of his pockets and began reflecting on what had happened.

 

So many fucked up things had happened—how was it that he ended up being the only one any of it effected? Elias seemed the same—his quiet, meek and frustratingly trusting self, Sheek his usual cool, detached but observant person. And him? He was a wreck. He had started out blatantly uncaring about anyone or anything other than himself. He'd done what he wanted when he wanted, whether it be something that was for a moment's amusement or longer. He hadn't given a damn about the consequences, and his apathy was coming back to bite him in the ass now. Elias was going to be seriously messed up in the future—honestly; he was surprised he hadn't shown signs of trauma already.

 

An image of a bloody abdomen flashed through his mind, and guilt laced with worry engulfed his entire being. How had he driven the younger boy to do such things? He really was a bastard.

 

Green eyes traveled to the rear view mirror, and he was startled when his gaze met with Elias's. They stayed like that a moment, staring at each other, before the younger tore his gaze away and looked out the window.

 

What was left for them? He would stay here with them for two weeks, and then he would leave to live with their Aunt and Uncle. They lived in a different state, and the chances of Lucas ever seeing Elias again were slim. He was bound to come out and tell someone what he'd done to him eventually. A weight pressed down onto his chest as Sheek rolled into the parking lot, and kicking open his door with a vehemence that was perhaps unnecessary, he got out of the car and pulled the door open for his brother. Sheek killed the engine, and his long, slender frame rose from the vehicle as Lucas helped Elias out as well. He let his gaze roam over the pair, and his eyes met with Lucas's. Lucas was unsure of what his friend was thinking—he was probably disgusted with him, no doubt. He probably thought he deserved everything that was going to happen to him. If not now, eventually.

 

Out of consideration for Elias, Sheek and Lucas had opted to take the elevator. It wasn't much of a trek up the stairs, but Lucas had been unsure if the climb would put some sort of unnecessary strain on his back. He was quiet as they entered the apartment, and Sheek dropped his keys onto the counter. Shedding off his jacket, he placed it on the chair that was beside the television, and headed for the bathroom without a word. Elias sat down on the edge of the couch, and to Lucas, his posture seemed very stiff.

 

“Does your back hurt?”

 

Elias lifted his eyes, and they looked at one another for a moment before he nodded.

 

“A little.”

 

“I'll go and drop off your prescriptions tomorrow,” Lucas replied, trying to maintain a casual attitude. “For now, why don't you just go lie down?”

 

“I'm sick of lying down,” Elias quipped with irritation in his voice. “That's all I've done lately. Am I really that useless?”

 

Lucas heard the toilet flush, and the faucet being turned on. Turning his back to his brother, he headed for the kitchen with cautious steps. He didn't know what to say. Of course Elias wasn't useless. How he could think something like that, he wasn't sure, but it wasn't true. Whatever assumptions he had made to draw this conclusion, they were false.

 

“You're not useless, Elias. This wasn't your fault.”

 

“I can't do anything.”

 

Sheek exited the bathroom, and he leaned heavily against the wall that lead into the living area. The three of them remained where they were, a silent awkwardness bearing down upon them. Lucas was unsure of what to say, Elias was torn between crying and wanting to hug his brother, and for once, Sheek was simply at a loss for words.

 

-

This was most certainly a messy predicament. What his friend had gotten himself into was much more than he had initially anticipated. Sheek had doubted that anyone was capable of falling into something so serious, especially Lucas. Permisucuous as he was by nature, he had assumed he would be able to hold his hormones in check when it concerned his brother. However, he wasn't surprised when he'd received his phone call, and when Lucas had told him what had taken place the night before.

 

Sheek rubbed his temples before removing his glasses from the bridge of his nose. Now, they were all engulfed in an unpleasant atmosphere. Elias was seated on the couch, looking lost, confused—as dazed as ever, and Lucas looked like a mess, as well. He seemed composed to an untrained eye, but Sheek had had much more experience reading him that any other person. This was not only because he was his close friend, but because as a psychiatrist in training, he was able to recognize subtle signs of stress and depression, among other things.

 

The only way to sort this out now, he figured, would be to talk about it. But Sheek feared that Lucas had gotten himself in too deep this time. His powers of manipulation and persuasion were often very useful to him—not to mention that he was extremely good looking, an added bonus—but what had transpired in the last half of a year was too tangled up in legal matters to be ignored. It would fall back to him eventually, and the repercussions of it all would surely break him in a way that he was not already.

 

Elias probably had no idea that his brother's entire well being, his entire future lay with him. All he had to do was tell someone what had happened, and he would be finished. And, however he looked at it, Sheek was unable to decipher whether or not this was a blessing or a curse. If they were to divulge that information to him, he might take matters into his own hands.

 

In a situation other than this, Sheek would have damned the offender to hell and back again, but he could not do so because it was Lucas. He had seen the changes in him from his past behavior—witnessed the alterations in his personality. Some more noticeable than others, but they were there none the less. And it seemed as though, despite all of his negative actions and what it took to change him, these changes were indeed for the better.

 

“Perhaps I should venture out and get us all something to eat,” he said mildly after another moment of though. “Chinese food alright?”

 

Lucas shot him a scathing look, and Sheek barely managed to hide his smile by feigning a yawn. He pitied the other boy, he truly did, but he would need to sort things out with Elias once and for all if they were going to get over this. He snatched the keys from the kitchen counter and shrugged into his jacket once more. Heading for the door, he turned back to Lucas.

 

“I'll get the usual. Elias…is there anything in particular that you'd like to eat?”

 

Elias replied with a silent shake of his head, and Sheek nodded before exiting the apartment. He exhaled in relief as the door closed behind him and the cool air of the hallway engulfed his being. It was much better being out of there, without two depressing auras weighing down on him. Spinning the keys round his finger as he opted for the stairs, he descended them two at a time and thought; How much worse could it get from this point, really?

 

-

 

Elias had hoped, no, he had prayed that they wouldn't be left alone together. His stomach had sunk and he nearly cried out when Sheek suggested he go get something to eat. Truth be told, food was the furthest thing on the boy's mind. But here he was, sitting on the couch with the unbearable silence getting ever thicker. He twisted the material of his pants in his hands nervously, and focused his gaze on the floor, too wary to look up.

Lucas gave no indication that he was going to speak, and so he gingerly sank back against the couch.

 

What were they going to do? Their entire lives were screwed up now. Had this all really started with Lucas? No. This problem hadn't been Lucas's fault, had it? It wasn't because of Lucas that their father had decided to hurt their mother—it wasn't his fault that they might never see the woman again. Tears burned the young boy's eyelids, and lashes fluttering, he gave a small sniff and looked around the room, searching for a distraction. Anything to take his mind off of what he was currently thinking about.

 

“What are we going to do?” he asked finally, after taking a deep breath. He didn't want to know the answer, but he deduced that they would need to find some plan of action to take—he couldn't stand to live in this kind of atmosphere for more than a few hours, let alone several weeks. Lucas took a moment to respond, and he came out of the kitchen wearing a tired expression. Sinking down onto the arm chair adjacent the couch, he rested his head in his heads and was silent still. Just when Elias had doubted him replying altogether, he opened his mouth to speak.

 

“I don't know anymore.”

 

Elias nodded some, and stared down at his hands. If Sheek had thought by leaving that he would make the situation better, he was wrong. It had only made the tension between he and his brother worse, and the knots inside of his stomach tightened further. There really was no way out of this, was there?

 

“When I leave…” he began hesitantly, afraid to look up, “will you…forget about me?”

 

He looked up startled when a dark chuckle resonated from Lucas, and he was even more perturbed to find the painful expression that was twisting his normally unnaturally handsome features.

 

“Forget about you?” he asked, leaning forward in his chair, “How could I forget about you?”

 

“Don't you want to?” he whispered nervously, and as he said the words, as he anticipated his brother's answer, he could practically feel his heart breaking. “I haven't done anything except ruin your life.”

 

Lucas got up from his chair, and came to sit down beside him. Elias nearly broke out into tears when his arm encircled his waist, and he pulled him against him. Elias's fingers wandered up Lucas's chest, and he clung to the material of his shirt, pressing his face against the fabric. Inhaling deeply, he closed his eyes and tried to imprint the scent of his brother into his memories. He didn't want to leave; he didn't want to be away from him. Regardless of what Lucas had done in the past, Elias couldn't deny that he loved him.

He loved him so much it hurt. Was this a sin?

 

“I love you Lucas,” he blubbered into his chest. “I love you; I don't care what happened …I want to stay with you.”

 

Lucas's arm tightened around his waist, and his free hand ran through his hair. He pressed a kiss to the crown of Elias's head, and he shook his own against his hair.

 

“We can't,” he said, “It was wrong, stupid for me to have done this.”

 

“I don't care,” Elias muttered, his shoulders beginning to tremble. “Can't we just leave?”

 

“Elias,” Lucas muttered, leaning away from him. Elias tried to follow his movements, but Lucas's hands came up to hold his face firmly between them. They stared at one another, before Elias couldn't keep the tears from flowing over any longer. His lower lip trembled, and gave a small, childish sniff before the sobs engulfed his body.

 

-

 

Leaning back into the couch, Lucas pulled Elias against his chest, and tried to let his weight comfort him. He gently nuzzled the boy's hair, kissing his head softly and wrapped his arms around his waist protectively, comfortingly. His sobs made his heart ache in a way he'd never experienced before, and he had to reflect once again on what had driven him to do these things in the first place.

 

“It's okay,” he murmured against his ear, his hand running carefully up and down the boy's healing spine. “Don't cry, Elias.”

 

“Why?” the other cried against his chest, and he knew exactly what he meant.

 

“Why does it have to be like this?”

 

Pressing the boy firmly against him, Lucas shook his head once more, and bestowed a kiss to his temple. As Elias lifted his face to stare with reddened eyes and tear stained cheeks into his own, Lucas smoothed his hair away from his forehead, and traced the shape of his lip with his thumb. He was a wreck.

 

Leaning down, Lucas brushed his mouth over Elias's. It wasn't much, a mere meeting of lips, but it seemed enough. It quieted Elias's sobbing, and his body seemed to relax against Lucas, molding to his frame.

 

It was a awhile before the younger boy's breathe evened out, and Lucas was able to tell that he was sleeping. This had made it all the more difficult for him to stand by his decision, to stick by what he'd said. It was becoming harder—it would be impossible for him to let go of this if he didn't distance himself from his brother. He wouldn't be able to fight him, but he didn't want to hurt him. He was at a loss. If he left, if he gave him up, then he would hurt him. If he continued this, them, he would hurt him. They couldn't stay together forever. It was wrong in so many ways, people would never accept him.

 

“Lucas?” Elias mumbled sleepily against him.

 

“Yeah?” he asked, absently running his hand through the boy's hair.

 

“Will you stay with me tomorrow?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Lucas?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I love you.”

 

Lucas's hand stilled on the boy's head, and he swallowed. Lifting his gaze to the ceiling, he heaved a heavy sigh, before hugging the slack form in his arms closer.

 

“I love you, too.”

 

 

 

__

 

A/N: Okay. Another chapter full of angsty goodness. Yes, I haven't updated in forever. Yes, I am sorry for that. I've been really busy (again) and I haven't even managed to update my other story (Boy in a Bottle) that I've started. I'm getting bad with this, but I'm trying. I'm not dropping the story, so don't get scared if I don't update for months. Writer's block sucks. I am truly sorry. m(_ _)m

 

Thank you to those who have reviewed again. It's what helped me get my ass in gear and update this chapter. Your spirit motivates me! <3

R&R please!!