Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ What If ❯ The letter I could not write ( Chapter 3 )

Dear Jesse,

It's been two weeks since you left to go back to the Rangers. So much has happened in this time I don't know where to begin exactly. Maybe I should begin at the beginning which happened before you even left.

Four weeks ago I got laid off from my job. I know you thought I was on vacation but I wasn't. I couldn't bear to tell you about it when I knew you were leaving. They had major lay-offs and I was low man on the totem pole. The only thing I could think about was you leaving; I did not care about the job or telling you that I lost it. I decided I would look for a new job after you left anyways then you wouldn't have to worry about me not having a job if you didn't know. But the worst came just before you left…I was drafted.

I ended up crumbling up the paper and throwing it in the trash. I knew it was not the right thing to write to him right now. For now I would have my parents forward his letters to me and mine would go in a new envelope to him till I came up with courage to tell him.

A lot had changed in the next few days around the farm. From Allison moving into my old apartment and moving my stuff back to the farm was about the easiest of anything going on.

My mother would not look at me most of the time. Anything I found out came from my brothers calling me wanting to know why my mother was so upset and crying to them. I guess my mother forgot to mention that I had no way of getting out of this with out getting pregnant. And being pregnant was the last thing on my mind to do.

During the times I was not moving Allison or myself I loaded up my truck full of sawdust from the local mill so there would be plenty for a while at the barn. A young neighbor girl had found out about what was going on and came over and offered to help with the horses. All she had asked in return is to show the horses in 4-H while I was away. This worked out well because of Allison's girls were also showing and it would give all three a friend.

The girls on the other hand were not taking it too well. They thought of me as their adopted aunt and did not quite understand why I was leaving. I had to promise them I would bring them back something from where I was going because they though I was going on vacation somewhere for a few years.

At home I would read the information that had been given to me and go through the stuff that needed to be packed. My life at that time seemed so little that I basically went through the motions of everyday life, packing and unpacking and repacking everything. I felt lost and confused all at the same time. Now I know how Jesse felt when he left. It had to have been pretty rough to leave his family.

I had already made out my last will in testament as it was a requirement before leaving home. In my bags I had also placed a small diary, one that I could keep track of my life while I was away from home.

It was two days before my departure when my family decided to have a cook out and invited some friends of mine and Allison and her girls. It was to be my going away party and hope for a safe return. There had to be at least fifty people there and twenty more kids running around. Boy it seemed strange to see that many people at once. Some of them I knew others I was meeting for the first time in my life.

I looked around at the people that walked around and chatted with each other. Those that knew me talked about the stuff that I have done in my life others listened and added their own stories. It made me feel as though I had left and died. No one could imagine the pain I had in my heart that day. Could they not see me standing there?

I walked off toward the barn knowing that no one would miss me that much. The barn had always been a retreat for me most of my life. It was there that I would hide from my brothers when they were looking for a fight. It was there that I would sit with my friends and talk about a new crush at school. Yes, the barn was my safe haven. I don't know how long I sat in the corner of the stall before Allison came looking for me.

“Why did I know that I would find you here?” she said.

“Lucky guess.”

“Your mom was looking for you. Most everyone is gone now and some wanted to say goodbye.”

“They acted like a damn wake out there.” I growled.

“What?”

“They acted as if I was dead Allison. No one talked to me, it was if I was not even there to begin with.”

“Oh, so that's why you hid.”

“I got tired of hearing them and looking past me. Not one of them knows me that well.”

“I guess they just want to remember the good times.”

“I am not dead!” I screamed.

I took off out of the barn and headed straight for the pasture. I had to get away from everyone and fast. I saw Venom over in the corral and the rest of the horses out in the pasture. Mischief was looking in my direction as if she knew I needed her. It did not take me but a second to climb the gate and head off towards her and hug her neck.

 

The next day everyone loaded up in the vehicles and took off for Salina, where we would spend my last day of being a civilian. It seemed like a normal day with clear skies and the usual spring time breezes. Well I guess it was as normal as can be due to the fact that my mother was not speaking, my dad ignored us and turned on his old fashion country music. You know the music that requires banjos, jugs, and anything a hillbilly would make an instrument out of. The girls fell asleep not long into the drive and Allison kept trying to get me into a convo which I would only shake my head or shrug my shoulders to answer her.

Yes this was my life and now it was going to change forever.

 

“I say you're lost.”

“I am not lost I know where I am going.”

“Then where are we?”

This was what I woke up to from my daydreaming. My mother and father disagreeing on where we were at, we had only been on the road 2 hours at this time.

“Let me check my paper see what exit we are supposed to get off on.” I said grabbing my paper out of my pocket. “We should be getting close.”

“Listen I have drove this road plenty of times I know where we are.”

“Dad calm down, now we are supposed to get off at interstate 135 and go south.”

“Do you know where the hotel is?” mom piped in again.

“West Magnolia road and it is close to the airport also.”

“Ok we will go there first and drop off all our stuff. Then we can go look around since you are not due to leave till tomorrow morning.”

I just stared back out the window. Nothing really mattered to me at that moment. All I wanted to do is hide from everything. If I could find a way out of running around the town I would find it after all I doubted that I would hardly get any sleep tonight. That gave me a great idea of how to get out of not going.

“I doubt I will run around town mom, tomorrow is going to be a big day. I will need as much sleep as possible and right now I am nervous as hell.”

“You don't need to be cooped up all night.”

“Sheryl she will need her rest. Remember when I got drafted.”

“That was so long ago.”

I thought to myself “thank you father” at least he knew what I was going through right now. I didn't want to be around anyone just peace and quiet is what I needed right now, specially from my parents.

“This was nothing like when you got drafted.”

God I don't know how much of this I could take. My mother was in denial that I was drafted she just thought this was going to be like I was off to college.

“Let's just drop it ok?” I said. “I am starting to get a headache so it is just best I lay down when I get to the hotel.”

“There's our exit.” Dad chirped up.

A sigh of relief came over me as I know that the journey to the hotel was close to being over, although the rest of my life was about to begin.

“Let's stop at the next gas station, please. I could really use a bathroom break and we could see how much farther it is to the hotel.”

“Good idea.” My dad said.

“But if were not that far from the hotel we can hold it.” Mom said.

“Mom I am about to burst and the kids probably need to go as well.”

“I could use a few minutes to stretch my legs they are a bit stiff.” Allison pointed out.

“Fine stop at the next gas station.”

I looked over and smiled at Allison. She knew I needed a break. It wasn't going to be long before I left for my new life. In other words I needed some time to myself and she was going to give it to me one way or another.

“Hey girls wake up were almost there.”

“Mommy I need to potty.” Megan said.

“I'm hungry.” Melissa piped up.

I smiled at Megan and Melissa they were good kids. I had secretly hoped someday I would have a girl just like them, but that would have to wait for now. I wouldn't want a child right now with the world the way it was. All the nations had turned to the United States to solve their problems especially with this new flu that went out.

Megan and Melissa had also made me promise to write them about my adventures so they could tell their classmates about the hero they knew.