Other Fan Fiction ❯ Learning to live ❯ the first few chapter ( Chapter 1 )

*~~~*Learning To Live*~~~*

*~~~*BK PART~TWO~~~*

 

*~~~*fade in*~~~*

 

“Sakiko Dae Kaulitz, eldest twin daughter to Tom Kaulitz the lead guitarist and brother to vocalist Bill Kaulitz of Tokio Hotel, died early this morning of heart failure.

 

She was rushed to hospital early yesterday afternoon by her grand mother Simone, and her mother, the nearly famous by association, Dani Milton.

 

Her family seems devastated; we go now to Jorg Grimsdotter who is stationed right outside the family's waiting room.”

 

*The TV's view switched from the anchor room, to a man who was obviously standing in front of a window that looked into a mostly private waiting room.*

 

“Just two hours ago Tom Kaulitz, lead guitarist for the world famous band Tokio Hotel, received the devastating news that his two week old daughter, Sakiko Dae, died in surgery.

 

She was rushed to hospital yesterday by her grandmother, when her breathing became laboured. When she arrived she was diagnosed with `patent ductus arteriosus' which is highly common among premature infants, but usually can be treated with drugs if caught within the first ten days.

Sadly Dr.'s where not aware of her condition until three hours after her arrival at the Universitätsklinikum yesterday after noon, seventeen days after her birth.”

 

*~~~*The TV showed a slightly distorted view into the waiting room, where Tom could easily be seen.

 

He was sitting in a chair his face in his hands, and his shoulders appeared to be shaking.

 

In the seat next to him was Dani, her face was blank and she stared strait ahead. It was invisible to the camera, but tears made their silvery paths down both of her cheeks. *~~~*

 

 

“Her younger sister September Anais Kaulitz is in perfect health, and is…”

 

*~~~*Fade scene*~~~*

 

 

 

 

 

*~~~*8 hours earlier*~~~*

 

 

Bill's first thought was to grab Tom and leave immediately for Hamburg, his second thought was 'Tom left without me.'

 That really made him mad; his brother was the prick above all pricks, and now he had just one the 'dumbest prick in the world' award.

 He had rushed off without telling anyone, and left his brother behind, the brother that made eve knowing his kids possible.

 If it hadn't been for Bill, Tom would never have even bothered to see Dani, let alone have her come and live with them to have the twins.

 Bill wasn't too worried about Sakiko, his mother tended to overreact in situations like these. Sakiko probably was truly sick, but he wasn't really worried, Doctors these days worked miracles, she would be fine.

 Still, he wanted to get back to Hamburg as quickly as possible.

 He was now at the train station, and he had only moments before, witnessed the last train to Hamburg leave…without him.

 In a mild fit of exasperation he stamped his foot, then looked around to see if anyone had noticed his outburst, no one was around.

 He pulled out his phone and dialled David. Somehow he would get to Hamburg, even if he had to pay for a rental car.

 After three tries (David had a few different cell numbers) he finally got a hold of him on his private number, Jost explained that the security and tour crew had already been dismissed for the month off, excluding Fillip and Hunfrith, who had been privately hired by the boys.

 Fillip was with Tom, and Hunfrith was with Dani.

 He had convinced David that he was going to ruin him if he didn't get him a ride to Hamburg ASAP.

 David had caved in rather easily, Bill's political suave was almost legendary in their group, plus, he had legal dirt on him.

 

 

*~~~*PRESENT*~~~*

 

It wasn't until Tom was halfway to Hamburg, that he realized that he had forgotten Bill, not only had he forgotten him but he had also forgotten to tell him that he was leaving.

Darn. Frick. Shite.

It wasn't until he reached the hospital and had to fight his way through a crowd of reporters and, oddly enough, fans, that he began to feel the slightest bit worried.

Damn. Fuck. Shit.

It wasn't until the doctors told him to take a seat, that he actually started to get anxious, and it wasn't until they told him that his little girl's heart had stopped beating, that he actually felt his own stop and stutter to continue beating faster than before.

God, no! Please no!

If ever there was a time that he wished for a miracle, it was then. If ever there was a day he wished that the whole day had just been a dream, it was today.

Please no…

He placed his head in his hands and blocked out the rest of the world. He blocked out the sound of Dani's sobs, the muffled speaking of the reporters just outside of the waiting room. He blocked out the clacking of the doctor's shoes as they walked away, he blocked out the advice they had given for grief counselling.

Instead of feeling sorry for himself and crying, he focused on his anger.

He was mad that he hadn't been here in the first place, mad that he hadn't gotten to know his little daughter, mad that he had been away on tour for the few days that she had lived.

He was mad at David, and the rest of the universal suits, who had insisted he come back and finish the tour.

Mad at Dani and his mother for not taking proper care of HIS daughter. It's not their fault; no one could have foreseen this or stopped it.

Mad at Bill…he couldn't think up a reason why but he was mad at him.

Mad at God, if he was supposed to be a loving and perfect then why had he let a little baby die? How was that fair? Life isn't fair. The world isn't fair. She's in a better place. These didn't comfort him at all.

I hate Jost, I hate Universal, the fucking pricks! I hate that I was forced to leave Dani and my mom to take care of my babies…I hate… I hate myself.

Mad at himself…

He stood up, leaving Dani by herself, and exited the room through the door which's hallway wasn't swamped with reporters. I can't deal with this right now.

*~~~*

Bill walked quickly through the hospital corridors; he had had to take a few detours to avoid the press. He had finally found a back corridor that the nurses explained ran the back way (through the staff only halls) into the waiting room he wanted.

After what felt like hours of wandering down the multi-door-ed hallway he ran into a man sitting on the floor staring blankly at the opposite wall.

"Tom?" He faltered in his step, his twin merely grunted. "What are you doing here? Where is Dani?"

"It's always 'Dani' with you isn't it?" Tom sneered, and then flicked his hand towards the opposite end of the hall that Bill had come down. "She's down the hall."

Bill deliberated for a moment whether to stay with Tom or to go to Dani, in the end he ignored his heart that told him to stay. It took only three more hallways and five minutes to find the room he was searching for, and he was only able to tell by the figure sitting in the far corner.

Dani sat with her legs curled up to her chin, and her arms wrapped around her head.

*~~~*

Dani only cried harder when Tom left the room. She felt that he was blaming her for the death of her baby.

You're guilty. If only you had taken better care of her, you may have noticed that it was more than just crying going on, you would have been able to save her. It's your fault.

She scrunched her eyes tight.

She had moved to the corner of the room soon after Tom had left, she felt a little more secure there, no one could see her from the window, which the news reporters were trying their best to all see through at the same time, and for some reason the corner just seemed more comforting.

Her mind was unable to really focus on one thing for more than a few seconds, but it continued to flicker back to her belief that Sakiko's death was her fault. She constantly found reasons to blame herself, to prove that if she had only noticed something-or-other sooner that everything would be alright.

Suddenly she felt a presence in the room; she looked up to see Bill setting his bag on one of the coffee tables in the room.

"Dani?" He asked.

Her mind fluttered for a moment; he still didn't know, would he leave her too when he found out? Would he blame her? Would he look at her like she was to be pitied, like she was pathetic?

Would he hold her? Would he stay?

She couldn't speak, but the silence was interrupted by a nurse.

"The little one is ready, if you'd like to say your goodbyes." Dani's eyes fluttered to the woman and back to Bill.

"I-I…Y-yes, please?" She faltered.

*~~~*

Bill was confused and slightly annoyed. He looked to the nurse who was eyeing Dani with pity. He looked to Dani, tears were running down her cheeks and she looked lost.

"Dani?" He tried again. He looked to the nurse who finally acknowledged at him.

"Sir?" She asked, "Can I help you?"

"I'm Bill," he offered, as if it would explain everything, but the nurse seemed to understand. Her eyes softened and her hands clasped in front of her. "Perhaps you should have a seat then. I'll bring her in." Her eyes darted once more to Dani before she left the room at a sedate pace.

He sat on the floor next to Dani and tried to catch her eye, but she was unresponsive.

He felt decisively ignored, his twin had forgotten him back at the venue, he had also ignored him when he had finally arrived, and now Dani was giving him the silent treatment. His day couldn't get any worse.

Or at least he had thought so.

The nurse walked in with a bundle of blankets in her arms, Bill immediately assumed it was Sakiko.

The nurse stepped in front of Dani and gingerly handed the distraught girl her baby, Bill only slightly wondered why she wasn't making any noise.

*~~~*
Dani stared mutely at the face that had been her daughter's only hours before; she was grey now, darker than when they had taken her to the hospital, and her eyes were forever closed.

She stuttered a sob as she raised her hand to draw her finger along the cold cheek of her baby girl; she was still soft, but cold, she looked and felt more like a very good imitation, this couldn't be Sakiko, apart from looking like her, it felt nothing like her, it was not alive, it had no warmth or spirit to it.

Strangely she felt her sorrow numb, looking at the lifeless body of her baby, she felt no more, her tears dried and her sobs quieted.

*~~~*

It had taken mere seconds for Bill to notice that the baby Dani had been handed was not alive. Suddenly his world was upside down, yet all the little pieces fit.

The reason why Tom had rushed away, the reason why he had seemed too lifeless in the hallway, the reason Dani had seemed so cold and far away, their little one was dead.

As Dani's grip became loose he took hold of the little body that no longer breathed.

He had barely spent half a day with the little one, he couldn't tell if it was the younger or the older one, but he knew it was a part of him, not directly, but she had been his identical twin's child, she had been one of the reasons his life had changed so much in the last year, and now she was gone.

He ran a gentle finger along her downy hair and down her cheek; she was cold.

"September?" He asked.

The nurse, who had stayed behind, raised her head. "The other little one?"

"W-where is she?" He was scared, although he had only heard that Sakiko was sick, he had also heard that she was only sick. "Do you want me to go and get her? She's in the nursery."

"She's okay?" He asked voice quiet.

"Yes, she's fine, very healthy." The nurse left the room.

Bill continued to hold the lifeless form of his niece; he continued to stare at her peaceful face, she seemed like she was happy at least, her face wasn't scrunched up like the few times he had seen her, she wasn't crying. So he determined that he would not cry for her passing, even though it was sad, she was sure to be in a place that made her very happy.

She hadn't been very happy here, he knew she had barely stopped crying for more than an hour during her short life, yet her face was so calm and almost happy now.

He looked up to see Tom standing in the doorway, he was staring at Sakiko.

Tom strode over quickly and almost roughly took Sakiko form Bill's arms, yet as soon as she was free of Bill's touch, Tom's hold became more than gentle, more than careful, more than reverent. He looked at his little girl, and Bill had to look away from the pain in his brother's eyes.

"I want you to go." Tom whispered.

Bill didn't question, he knew this was Tom's decision. He felt hurt that his twin did not want him around, but he also knew that Tom's pain wasn't the kind that he couldn't heal. Dani and Tom would have to mend each other.

He picked his bag of off the coffee table and left the hospital.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*~~~*2*~~~*

"I want you to go."

It was the second time that day Bill had heard those words from his brother, except now they held even more anger, even more meaning, now they had Bill repacking his bags, honouring his brother's heartfelt request.

It irritated him that his brother was pushing him away, it hurt to see Dani not respond, to see her simply sit, numb to the rest of the world. It hurt to watch two of the people he loved the most in the world isolate themselves from him.

He packed his suitcase; he had hardly had time to empty it before Tom had demanded he leave, and joined his mother in her car for the ride back to Loitsche. Tom hadn't been as rough with her and had simply requested that she leave Dani and himself to deal with things on their own.

He slung his bags into the trunk and backseat of the car before sliding into the driver seat.

He had passed his drivers test almost a year ago, about six months after Tom had taken his, he just hadn't bothered with getting a car, with the company cars and Tom's Escalade there really wasn't any need for him to get one, let alone drive himself anywhere.

Simone also tossed her bags into the back seat before sliding, not quite as gracefully as he had, into the passenger seat. "You know the way hun? I'll take over about halfway, I just need some sleep."

"Ja, sure." Bill muttered as they buckled their belts and he started the car. He hadn't slept since the night before, and then only for about three hours as they had partied late into the night.

He ran his hand through his hair and drove the car down their long driveway.

*~~~*

They were a little more than halfway to Loitsche, when Bill had to pull to the side of the road. It was now completely dark out and he had missed the turn off to his mother's hometown.

There were very few cars on the road at this time of night, but he still didn't feel confident enough to trust his judgement at three am after only three hours of sleep in the last two days.

"Mum," he choked out in a voice that hadn't been used in hours and touched his mother's shoulder; she woke with a start.

"Hmm?"

"Can you drive? I missed the turn and I'm really tired."

"Sure hun, where are we?" She unbuckled her seatbelt and turned to him.

"Just past the turn off to Loitsche, I missed it sorry," he sighed as he ran his hand over his face; he was still wearing the makeup from the show the night before. Simone gave him a good look.

"Alright, 'Chinese fire escape', you need to sleep."

*~~~*

It felt like he had only slept for a few minutes when his mom woke him as she pulled the car into her drive way. He blinked his eyes blearily and yawned loudly.

He didn't even bother grabbing his bags from the car, and instead waited, somewhat impatiently for his mother to unlock the door.

It took him only five minutes to wash his makeup off, change into one of Gordon's old pyjama's and climb into his old bed.

*~~~*

The next evening found Bill in one of the town's three bars, this one was the more upper-class of the three and featured a bandstand. Back in the Devilish days, they had played on that exact stage, if it could be called that, it was more of an area of the dance floor that was sectioned off by floor lights.

Apart from being well rested, Bill felt horrible, he had woken up only three hours before, and decided to try and forget his troubles in a glass of Rye and coke. He sat at the main bar and waited for one of the bartenders to notice him; it didn't take long. "What can I get you, hun?" The female bartender snapped her gum as she leaned across the counter on her elbows.

Bill was more than surprised when he noticed she was Asian, it wasn't often you saw anyone of a diverse ethnicity in Germany, let alone one of it's small towns.

"Rye and coke," he drawled while resting his cheek in his one hand and flinging the other uncaringly in a gesture of nonchalance.

The bartender gave him a once over. "I'm gonna need to see your I.D, honey." She held out her hand and he pulled his ID from his slim wallet. She studied it for a moment. "Bill? Like the famous one? Cool, cool, how do you like it then? On the rocks?" She smiled and her almond shaped eyes crinkled slightly at the corners, making her look friendly and open.

"Ja," he mumbled into the palm of his hand.

"Okey dokey artechokey, here's your drink, Lover-boy, can I get you anything else?" She paused for a second and gave him a good look over, "you don't look so good, hun. Having a bad day?"

"Try a bad life."

Okay that was a little overdramatic.

"Wanna talk 'bout it?" She leaned across the bar again, so that her face was little more than ten inches away from his own. He was quiet for a few moments, contemplating whether to tell this absolute stranger his troubles. He had heard that telling someone could help you see things from a different angle making your problems easier to solve. Maybe it was worth a try?

"You free for a while?" He lowered his eyes and made waves in the condensation on his glass with his fingers.

"I'm on all night hun, but if you wanna, you can talk while I'm a workin'." She winked at him. "I was just gonna go clean them tables, you up for a little walk?"

"S-sure," he mumbled and waited for her to make her way around the bar, rag and spray bottle in hand before following her.

He was quite for the first few tables, he watched the tiny Asian girl converse with the regulars in her odd accent. Once she had cleared and cleaned about half the room, she turned to him. "Well, you gonna say anything? Sometimes it's best just to talk, start at the beginning."

"You know who I am right?" He started, and she nodded her head.

"Yeah, yer that kid whose twin and the rest of your band used to play here, heard you made it big, put us on the map," she laughed, "Tokio Hotel right?"

"Yeah," he mumbled back. "Anyways, back in,"  he scratched his head, "June, I guess it was, we got this letter, Tom and I, the girl said she was pregnant and that she was pretty sure it was Tom's, and I got all excited and shit, you know the whole being an uncle thing-"

"I thought guys didn't like kids too much? At least not teenage guys," she interrupted.

"Yeah, well that's how Tom felt, I don't know, I guess I've always liked kids, just never really got to spend much time around them. Anyway, she said she could prove it, and so I flew over to meet her, she was all sincere and stuff, and I really liked her. Turned out that it, or I guess I should say 'they' were Tom's kids, after she moved in with us, Tom seemed to loosen up around her, actually start caring and stuff, which, I mean, that's normal right? That you should like the girl who's having your kids?"

"It kind of hurt seeing them together, but it's only right that they be together, I was really getting to like her, a lot," he sighed and put his hands in his pockets, slouching slightly.

"Then they were born, two beautiful baby girls, identical twins, just like Tom and I. They were so pretty, they looked a lot like Dani." He broke off again, remembering the first few hours he had with his nieces.

"Sounds like you love her."  The bartender interrupted his silence, but he only answered with a sigh.

"Then, " he began again. "then, Sakiko died, and no one told me, I got there and everyone ignored me, Tom flipped out on me, told me to leave, even kicked me out of the house." He scuffed his boot on the floor.

"Seems to me your brother figured that he needed time to heal, just him and the girl, if they love each other they're the best people to heal each other, I know it seems unfair that he would push you away, maybe he's a little jealous of you, can't say for sure but you never know. You boys on a break?" She stood, holding a bus-boy-bin on her cocked hip and an understanding smile on her face. The last question caught Bill off guard.

"Yeah, two months, then were off to recording, so more like four, off tour anyway." He seemed far away as he spoke, mind deciphering what she had said. "So, me actually leaving was a good thing? What about me? I love her, what am I supposed to do?"

She laughed softly. "I don't have the answers, hun, maybe it's time you looked for love somewhere else, no one will ever replace the special place she had in your heart, but someone can make a new special place, and you won't have to share that someone with anyone else."

*~~~*

"Dani, wake up, we're home," Tom called to his passenger.

They had just arrived back form their first session with a 'great' grief therapist that the docters had recommended for he and Dani to see once a week, Tom had only agreed so that they would let him take Dani home, they said her numbness was a stage of grief, he'd also hear them mumble something about anger also being a stage.

He looked across at Dani, she was awake but she only stared out the window. He touched her shoulder and she slowly turned to him, her eyes rimmed in red. His heart broke even farther at the sight of her and he pulled her across the car to hold in his lap.

"I'm sorry," she kept whispering. The therapist had said she would most likely blame herself for Sakiko's death, that she'd fear everyone else would blame her too.

He softly shushed her as he tucked her face into the crook of his neck and rest his cheek on her head, he ran his hand soothingly up and down her spine, and he sighed heavily as she finally responded.

Her hands gripped his shirt tightly and he could finally feel and hear her cry, she hadn't cried since the first few hours after Sakiko's death, when he's come back into the waiting room she had been numb, and had remained so since.

"I'm sorry," she cried again and he wrapped her tightly in his embrace.

"It's okay; it's not your fault." He almost cried too.

*~~~*

A few hours later found Bill and the bartender, who's name was Anika, sitting at the bar nursing coolers. The bar was nearly empty with only a few late night stragglers laughing loudly at nothing.

Only slightly drunk, Bill was feeling better. Anika turned out to know a lot about life for someone so young, if thirty-two was still considered young, she had traveled most of Europe in her early twenties and had settled in Germany seven years ago. She said she'd been intrigued by the language, Bill said she's learned it pretty well for only seven years, to which she had laughed.

Their conversation led to odd places, until it finally landed on the subject of contact lenses, don't ask them how, they don't know.

"In Japan, it's kinda looked down upon to have bad eyesight, don't really know why, but it is, so I started wearing contacts when I was ten…ish," she was slurring her words slightly by now, but Bill didn't really notice as he was doing the same.

"No way!" He enthused, "can I try them on?"

Anika gave him a weird look, a sort of mix between 'are you crazy?' and 'ewww!' Bill found it comical. "What, why are you looking at me like that?" He cried rather loudly.

"Ew, Bill. Gross, that's like…" she trailed off and her eyes flickered up and to the left as she thought. "Like asking if you can wear my tampon, it's that unhygienic."  She flung her hand about to emphasize her point, spilling some of her cooler on the table, neither of them noticed, Bill was too busy scrunching up his nose, Anika pretending to gag on her free hand's pointer finger.

"A…a tampon?" He whispered, "what-" he leaned across the table till his nose almost touched Anika's, "- is a tampon?"

She raised an eyebrow and was silent for a few seconds before bursting out in high pitched giggles. "You don't…" she giggled more and clutched her flat belly. "You don't know what a tampon is?" She finally managed to breath out.

He raised his own brow and leant back against his chair.

"Haven't you ever had a girlfriend on the rag?" She sniggered, until she noticed his look of embarrassment, and the slight hunching of his figure.

"O-on the rag?" He questioned, looking sheepish.

"Yeah, you know, her time of the month, the little dot at the end of a sentence, the womanly curse," she elaborated.

"O-oh," he muttered, "I-I haven't had a girlfriend since I was twelve," he finished lamely hanging his head.

"Good for you! Girls will mess with your head, upset your priorities!" She cheered him and reached her free hand across the table to lift his face so she could look him in the eye. "Now I suggest you get a book on how the human body works," she laughed, "one that has a section on sex specific functions, and read it." She smiled lopsidedly, "but it looks to me like you're ready to have a girl, eh? Loosen up a bit, have fun while your on this break, live your life, do something you've always wanted to, it'll help."

With that she stood up and shouted to the room that it was closing time.

*~~~*

 

 

*~~~*3*~~~*

 

 

Bill was taking Anika's advice, he was doing something he had always wanted to do, but had never had the chance. He was going swimming. He figured with his hair wet, no makeup and a bathing suit like everyone else's, along with the huge amount of people that would be swimming at the indoor pool, that he wouldn't be noticed too much.

When he arrived though, he was told by the receptionist, that there were lessons going on, and only the lane pool would be open, to which he had shrugged and paid the fee anyways, he HAD only planned on swimming lanes…or something like that.

After quickly changing, he was out on the humid deck. He stood bewildered for a moment, looking every-which way.

The people swimming lanes were more akin to mermaids (or mermen) than humans. They seemed to flow through the water; every movement was used to its full potential.

He knew his swimming didn't look like that.

Sure, he could not drown and actually go somewhere, but he'd never had formal lessons. His eyes flitted about, watching the elegance of the swimmers. Their movements were smooth, barely a splash, and yet they moved so fast. He fiddled with the pocket on the side of his shorts.

He was about to turn back to the change-room when he heard a bubbly voice off to his left.

"Can I help you with something sir?"

Sir? He'd never been called sir before, but then the girl standing not to far from him did look a few years younger than himself. His eyes flashed to her white shirt that plainly read, 'Rettungsschwimmer', or literally 'lifeguard'.

Bill thought for a moment, that the word was ridiculous Rettungsschwimmer, try yelling that just before you drowned.

 

"Um…yeah, actually, I-I was thinking about having some private swimming lessons? D-do you offer those?" He was going to learn how to swim like those people in the lanes.

She smiled, but didn't look him in the eye for more than a few seconds; instead she seemed to constantly be scanning the water, up, down, up, down left to right, and reverse.

"Not personally, but we, as a recreational center, do, you have to book them at the front desk with Greta, she's up there now." As she finished the young teenager turned back to him and offered a bright smile. "Ask for Rin, she's the best."

'Thank you," Bill muttered.

"In fact she's teaching a class right now, you could probably watch a bit, you know kind of see what to expect?" The petite lifeguard pointed to the near end of the other pool, where a group of young teenagers were taking orders from a woman wearing a similar uniform to the guard, but her shirt read 'Lehrer' and was worn over what could easily be seen as a full piece bathing suite.

Bill nodded his thanks, and headed back to the change-room. After booking a class for the next night, he made his way to the viewing area. What would it hurt to watch a little? The class seemed to be having a lot of fun, something he hadn't expected form a class that you took to learn to swim, but who was he to know?

They were making a human chain holding on to each-other's ankles, and from what he could see the person at the front had to swim with their arms, while the one in the back was kicking.

At first the 'chain' piled up, as the 'kicking' end of the chain seemed to be moving faster, then the girl, who the guard had called Rin, grabbed the hands of the chain leader and tugged her to give her a start, after that the chain moved smoothly.

After every length across the pool, the 'leader' would detach and move to the back.

Finally the instructor called an end to the class, and the teenagers made their way out of the pool and across the deck to the hot tub. He stood to leave but paused as he watched the instructor place her head in her hands. The lifeguard came over to her and handed her a water bottle, he watched curiously as they exchanged a few words, and the guard made a gesture to where he stood.

He quickly gathered his bag and began to walk towards the exit form the viewing area. He hadn't made more than five steps before he was stopped by a musical female voice.

"Hey!"

Manners demanded he turn and reply but common sense told him to run for it. Manners won, his mother would kill him if she saw him treat another human that way, although he had on many occasions, since his life held more value than a few moments of his mother wrath.

"Hey," he replied as he turned back. He came face to face with the soaking wet girl, he could see now that she was near the age of the lifeguard.

"Hailey said you were interested in private lessons?" She smiled breathlessly, and he half heartedly noticed that her teeth were straight and white, and that she had a lip ring. "Yeah, I booked for tomorrow," he offered, while gesturing as if to explain.

"Oh, well, I'm Marina, but I go by Rin, it's nice to meet you, I guess I'll see you later?" She smiled again, and Bill for once felt like he had met someone who smiled as much as everyone thought he did. Marina? Didn't that mean like... sea or something? And how did she get `Rin' out of Marina?

"Yeah, tomorrow." He gave a half smile; he hadn't felt like smiling in a long time.

"Okay then, bye," she continued smiling as she turned away and bounced happily across the deck, removing her swim cap as she did.

 

Damn bouncy girls and their bouncing rear ends.  Damn wet, white shirts and bathing suits. Damn long, shapely legs, and damn his brain for noticing.

 

*~~~*

 

It was snowing outside, and Rin had only brought her zip up hoodie as covering, her hair was wet, and the wind was picking up. The chances of getting home without a case of hypothermia were slim to none, but it was either that or not get home at all.

She tied her hair in a tight ponytail bun, and wrapped her hoodie around her as much as possible. The day had been promising earlier on when she had come to work, she never would have thought to expect a snow storm, but she should have known better and so, she told herself, it was her own fault that she was improperly dressed, and she would have to suffer the consequences.

With a tired sigh she stepped out into the cold, the biting wind instantly making her feel frozen. If she kept moving, not only would she get home sooner but she would stay warmer, it was after all only a ten block walk, past the nice, rich part of town, to the poor district where she lived in a halfway house with her father.

He was a 'recovering' drug addict, but Rin knew that he hadn't given up his infatuation with all things hallucinatory. You name it, he'd tried it.

In a small suburb like Wolmorstedt there weren't any rehab programs, only halfway houses that discouraged but did not prohibit the use of drugs. They actually tended to be more like drug houses that anything else, but it was a cheap place to live- still a hardly attainable amount of money as it was- or at least hide away from the cold in.

She waved heartily as she passed Geoff, the Bandaustraße and Colbitzer street corner beggar, he'd had a monopoly on that corner for the last ten years, and he made quite the living too, he just chose to waste it on booze.

"Got a coin to spare there Rin? Haven't had me dinner yet," he shouted across the street.

"You know I don't carry cash Geoff, what do you take me for?" She laughed then added, "even a penny wouldn't last me more than ten minutes down here, it'd be gone before I'd even know someone had taken it."

Geoff chuckled back, "Thought I'd ask, you never know with you young'uns." Rin rolled her eyes and continued on, what was that supposed to mean? He'd known her since she was, as he'd say 'a little'un' she'd not once had disillusions about this life.

By the time she reached her street corner she was shivering, she knew she'd probably end up sick if she didn't warm herself up soon.

She walked past the huddled forms lying on old mattresses on the lawn, she felt blessed that she at least had a room to sleep in, and newer-ish sheets.

She made her way along the garbage cluttered halls to the room she shared with her father; in stead of a door they had an old towel stapled to the door post.  Three months ago her brother had knocked it down in a 'mild' fit of rage; he was now serving his community service down in Magdeburg, the closest city.

"Daddy?" She called out as she gathered her towel from her side of the room, where it had been drying. A quite snore answered her and she knew that he was in one of his drug induced sleeps once again and that when he woke up he would be in a bad mood.

After a hot shower she made her way to the kitchen to make some hot tea and find something to eat, but there was nothing more than a few crackers and some stale cheese, even the faucet didn't seem to want to give up any clear water.

She was too hungry to leave it for the night, so she made up her mind to go to the store to find something to sate her hunger.

She had to put her wet hoodie back on since it was the only jacket like piece of clothing she had, but she layered another long-sleeve shirt under it to help retain her body heat. It was a half hour walk to the store, and once again she had to pass through the richer part of town.

The houses weren't mansions, but they were one family houses (as opposed to the multi-family buildings she and many others lived in) with white picket fences, or tall hedges, and nicely kept lawns. They all had sedans, or family vans parked in their tidy little driveways. They looked perfect and Rin couldn't help but be jealous of the lucky people who got to live in such luxury.

Her mind turned to work; she had worked an extra long day, starting at eight in the morning, and hadn't been able to leave until after seven in the evening because one of the other instructors had called in sick.

Her boss took advantage of her need for money and she was sure the hours she worked weren't legal, but they paid the bills and kept a little bit of food in her belly.

She sighed dejectedly as she remembered she had an extra class booked for the next evening, maybe she'd be able to ask the guy if he could have it a little earlier in the day, or with someone else, because the extra hour without food would defiantly not be comfortable.

When she reached the store she glad for the warmth inside. She had been shivering half the way here.

She made her way quickly down the few isles to the back of the store to find the dairy section and was just looking for the cheapest carton of milk when someone bumped into her, nearly knocking her over.

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going, head in the clouds these days." Rin looked up to see one of the most beautiful women she had ever seen in real life, bending slightly over her to look her in the eyes. "Are you alright dear?"

She stuttered for a moment, but the woman spoke for her. "Why, you're soaked to the bone! You poor thing…" the woman trailed off and she gave Rin a look-over and held out her hand.

"I'm Simone Trumper." Rin slowly shook the woman's hand, still startled speechless.

"R-rin, Klein," she stuttered back.

"Well Rin dear, I hope your mother didn't send you out dressed like that." Simone touched her fingers to Rin's face, and tsk'ed. "You're just about frozen too…" Rin was still so flabbergasted that her mind hardly registered Simone mentioning the mother she no longer had.

She blinked a few times before answering, "I'm not that c-cold…" but her teeth clicked giving away her shivering, and Simone cocked a brow with an incredulous look.

"Why don't you come home with me for some hot chocolate? I'm just about done here, and it's not too far, then when your all warmed up I'll take you home." The prospect of something warm to drink, and a warm drive back home was too good to pass up, even in light of the fact that she knew nothing about this woman, other than that her name was Simone.

"O-okay." She found herself answering through blue lips.

 

 

 

 

*~~~*4*~~~*

Simone proved to be a chatty kind, she talk about everything and nothing all at once, but Rin found herself liking the woman, they had finished paying for their purchases and Simone was now driving to her house. Rin had been surprised when the woman had driven past the last street of Wolmirstedt and on towards Loitsche.

Loitsche was only, maybe, a five minute drive out from Wolmirstedt, and it was more of a rural suburb, the houses there were usually larger and the people who lived there tended to live there because they wanted to get away from the rest of the world.

"You live in Loitsche?" Rin mumbled softly as she held her hands over the heat vents on the dash. Simone paused in her chatter to smile brightly at the girl sitting next to her.

"Yes, it's not far really. I'll drive you home, don't worry." There was something about this girl that called out to her; it was like a silent S.O.S.

One that only a mother would see.

The girl had long, wet, brownish hair, and the greenest pair of blue eyes she had ever seen, they were almost a turquoise colour, like the ocean in those pictures the boys had brought back from their trip to the Maldives. She was a tiny little thing too, not very common in Germany, smaller than Dani.

Simone's heart clenched at the thought of Dani. She had never had to experience the pain of losing a child, and she hope she never would.

Her soul ached for the pain her children must be feeling, it had gone against every one of her motherly instincts to leave Tom when he had asked, to leave Dani so broken and him so confused and angry. She prayed that they would be able to heal each other, and that they wouldn't push the other away.

Rin shifting in her seat brought Simone's thoughts pack to the present just in time to turn the corner to her street; she parked the car in front since the walk to the door was shorter. "We're here Hun, do you mind helping me carry the groceries in?" she asked Rin as she unbuckled her seatbelt, the girl nodded and exited the car.

Rin instantly missed the heat from the car, but she made her way to the back of the car. As soon as Simone opened the trunk, the slamming of a door could be heard, followed by the quick slapping of boots on slushy pavement.

"Mum," the boy called out but stopped when Rin looked at him, his eyes shifted to her quickly and back to his 'mum'.

"Oh, Bill dear, this is Rin, she helped me shopping and I invited her for a cup of hot chocolate," Simone spoke as she handed out bags of groceries, handing the heavier ones to Bill. "She was soaked to the bone and nearly froze to death." Simone continued to speak as she walked to the house, leaving Rin and Bill motionless.

Finally, only after hearing the front door close again, Bill moved; he closed the trunk and turned to walk to the house, half way up the walk he turned back. "Well, aren't you coming?" She was still for a moment before nodding and followed him to the door.

Rin was stunned again, it was the same man from the pool, the one who had asked for private lessons, it had to be him, yet it was just so impossibly odd that she would meet him again in such a way.

Once inside, Rin watched as Bill kicked off his boots with a few shakes of each foot, they were cowboy styled boots with silvery metal embellishments, expensive boots.

She followed him to the brightly lit kitchen, where Simone was already putting the groceries away; Bill began to do the same, but looked back at Rin and motioned with his head for her to put her bags on the table.

Simone continued to chatter, oblivious to the weird tension between the two young people, and both she and Bill continued to put away the food. Rin took the time to study the two.

Simone had short blond hair and a wide, familiar smile. She was tall and slender, not as tall as her son, but Rin could see that he took after his mother's figure, despite being a boy.

He had long layered black hair with a few blonde strikes near the top and mostly to the one side of his face. He too had a familiar smile, but it seemed weak, watered down, sad, it didn't reach his eyes, and only fluttered for a few seconds before dying.

Simone asked Rin a question, and Rin turned to her, eyes wide, like a deer in the headlights, totally bewildered. "Huh?" She asked lamely.

Simone laughed at the look on the girls face. "I asked if you would prefer tea to hot chocolate." She watched as the girls face flittered between different emotions: distaste, surprise, curiosity, embarrassment.

"I've never had hot chocolate before," she answered quietly. Simone's expression turned almost sad, she had figured the girl didn't have much, but she's never had hot chocolate?

"Never had hot chocolate?" Bill exclaimed as he turned away from the cupboard with a shocked and appalled expression. "Next to food, it's the best thing this world has! How could you have never tried hot chocolate?" He watched as she jaw flapped for a second, like a fish out of water; he found the expression ironic.

"I-I never had the chance," she tried, and Bill's expression softened at her stuttered reply.

"Well, you can't miss out now." He walked over to her and gently pulled her form the chair she had been sitting on. "I'll even show you how to make it!"

Simone smiled to see some life back in Bill, he had been so quiet since they'd come back home. She watched with motherly fascination and Bill expertly instructed the little pixie like creature on how to make instant hot chocolate.

"Rin, right?" He asked as he watched her measure the correct amount of chocolate powder into her empty mug.

"Yeah," she answered softly, not daring to look him in the eye. She was startled when he placed a warm hand on her shoulder, but the discomfort didn't last long.

"Man, you really are soaking wet," he laughed, "don't touch anything else, I'll be right back." He quickly strode from the room and Rin envied his graceful gate. She had never been exceptionally graceful on land, water was a different story, but it wasn't very often she went a day without tripping, or simply falling over. Her feet seemed to tangle around themselves and she couldn't really understand why.

"Here!" Bill called as he re-entered the room, holding a shirt and sweater in his hand, they were both his, and Simone silently laughed, he was so male, of course he wouldn't think to offer the girl female clothes, he'd immediately go for what he knew best, his own.

It was one of his long-sleeve shirts, he'd gotten it two Christmases ago, but hadn't had the chance to wear it as it didn't match his touring style of clothes, and the sweater was his thousand hotels hoodie.

Simone held her breath when she noticed the hoodie, the girl was about the right age to be a fan girl, and the few that Simone had seen had been rather scary when they met her boys, so she was rather startled when Rin didn't seem to recognize to hoodie.

"Try these, mom can put your clothes in the dryer," he offered magnanimously, "sorry I don't have any pants or anything, but you can try these." He held out a pair of boxers that had been hiding in the bundle of clothes, and Simone watched as both Bill and Rin blushed, of course Rin's was darker.

"Th-thank you," she stuttered as she reached out for the clothes, and Bill smiled as he handed them to her and gave her directions to the bathroom. When she was gone Bill suddenly turned to his mother.

"She's so cute! Like a little…Pixie!" His gushing outburst made Simone laugh. He was almost like the old Bill, although this kind of reaction was usually seen when he was gushing over an animal or some fashion piece.

*~~~*

Tom woke to the sound of the sheets rustling, and little sucking noises. Somewhere in the back of his mind he realized that Dani must be feeding September.

He turned to look at Dani, only to see her back; he blinked blearily a few times before shifting to wrap himself around her.

"Hello," he whispered in her ear and he felt her shiver slightly as a stuttered breath escaped her lips.

"Hi," she whispered back.

"How are you doing?" He squeezed her gently and she laughed quietly at his ridiculous question.

"Better," she sighed and moved one of her hands to hold the one he had placed across her stomach, giving it a slight squeeze. "She's doing better too, actually eating. But it's not enough…" she trailed off, and Tom could feel her skin heat in a blush.

"Hmmm?" He mumbled, "enough?"

"It still hurts when she's done, I-I'm still used t-to… two."

The last word was little more than a breath and Tom could feel her muscles tense; he gave her hand a gentle squeeze before leaning over her shoulder to watch September suckle.

"I can help with that," he purred as he kissed her collar bone; he could feel the goose bumps erupt across her skin at his slightest touch and it made him feel powerful.

Her breath quickened when the hand that had been holding hers moved to caress her thigh. "Yeah?" She managed to get out with a breathy moan and she bit her lip when his hand found its resting place between her legs.

Dani felt her whole body heat up as Tom's mouth moved to the breast not occupied by September. "Yeah…"