Other Fan Fiction ❯ The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything ❯ 'Cause Of Course Erik Can't Be Straight ( Chapter 4 )

Chapter 4

 

Li: chases staff around with a battle axe Gimme chocolate! Gimme sugar! Gimme cookie dough! And some…green peppers!

 

Ava: Hey, are we sure Li isn't just pregnant?

 

Adara: How? Why?

 

Flash forward ten years, to some alternate universe where Li has decided to spawn little Liliputians. This is how motherhood would turn out for her…

 

Li: sitting in therapy Well, it all started out when my mother saw a dress in the mall and decided I should have children to buy it for. I dunno, around the time I finally got the kid I was also somehow struck with herpes and the obvious.

 

Therapist: And the father?

 

Li: Of the herpes? I have my suspicions. Dunno where the kid came from. I'm not even sure it's mine.

 

Spawn of Li?: Mommy…

 

Li: snaps Oh, shut up! A little dress in the department store window at the mall is the only reason for your existence, you miserable little puke!

 

Little Puke: cries But ah ma boy!

 

Therapist: And who are these other children, and why does one look like a megaphone?

 

Li: Oh, my other children! Syphilis Chlamydia, Ima June Bug, and Lil' Rico. hugs Lil' Rico He's my favorite, don't mention it, except to everyone you know.

 

Chlamydia (the eldest): Don't you love us, too?

 

Li: Please…see, Chlamydia was the little girl my mother wanted, but did she ever follow through and buy the dress? No! So now I've got all these midgets running around my house expecting me to do all these weird things like bathe and play with them and they keep expecting me to feed them all the time and for what? WHAT DO I GET OUT OF IT, HUH?

 

Little Puke: Isn't being a mother reward enough?

 

Li: Shove a moldy old gym sock in it, ya pipsqueak.

 

Fade to black, and we return to the real world

 

Adara: Those poor children…

 

Ava: Hypothetical children.

 

Adara: Yeah, but if Li ever finds a man who doesn't convulse at the sight of her, they could become a reality!

 

Li: STOP STANDING AROUND AND TALKING, YA LAZY GOOD-FOR-NOTHINGS! STOP THINKING, TOO! I'M PUTTING A CAP ON THINKING! I'M OUTLAWING THINKING! ACTION!

 

Ava: …Yup.

 

Adara: We're screwed.

 

XXX

 

While all this was going on with Erik and Jiro, the world had not stopped turning or come to an end outside as one might suspect.

 

“…What are we going to do about the fuzz, Benji?” Miguel asked, biting his nails nervously.

 

“Eat it?”

 

“Benji! Ew!”

 

Benji chuckled as he pushed open the door to the galley. “It's dark in here…”

 

“Aaaaahhhhhh! Benji, what's that in the corner?!”

 

“It's…glowing.”

 

“IT'S THE DEMON FUZZ! IT'S RADIOACTIVE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!”

 

“Um…Miguel, hon, it's…not the fuzz…” Benji said, lighting a lantern as he spoke to reveal Berkley huddled in the corner, holding his stomach and looking a bit green—and not in the ill or jealous sense.

 

“I ate the fuzz, Benji.”

 

“Gross!”

 

“It tasted like keys.”

 

“Ew.”

 

“My stomach tickles on the inside now.”

 

Benji sighed heavily and grabbed a bucket to catch Berkley's projectile vomit in. “God help us one and all.”

 

XXX

 

Rin whistled to herself as she climbed through the sails and ropes like an overgrown monkey, preferring to do her sailing from as high as possible. The sun had barely risen and though she normally liked her sleep, today she had gotten up well before sunrise to steal a new cannon. Now it was time to sail, and Rin was too excited about her newly acquired piece of weaponry to go back to sleep.

 

“Well, hello, there, doc!” she shouted jovially when she swung down and came upon Erik sitting on a beam. “What're you doing all the way up here?”

 

“…Well…”

 

_Flashback_

 

Erik sighed and stirred, wincing at the crick in his neck and vaguely registering the weight against which his head rested. His eyes clenched shut more tightly as they resisted opening, and then a quiet, husky voice spoke somewhere above him.

 

“Morning, honey.”

 

“……”

 

“Thanks for last night…it was mind-blowing.” The last two words were breathed softly in the doctor's ear.

 

Erik's eyes snapped open, and he scrambled away from Jiro so quickly that he hit the floor before he even realized he was falling. “What the HELL?!”

 

_End Flashback_

 

Rin made a choking noise and very nearly let go of the rope she was holding. “So…you guys…you…”

 

“No! God, Rin!”

 

Rin couldn't help laughing at the scandalized look on Erik's face as she swung to sit next to him. “You do know that the whole reason Jiro is on the ship is because of you, right?”

 

“I've…had my suspicions…”

 

“Well, can ya blame them? You're wound tighter than Benji around Miguel's finger. You have got to loosen up, and I guess your friends know your tastes better than you do.”

 

“My tastes? JIRO IS A MAN!”

 

Rin grinned. “Exactly. Bye, Erik!”

 

With that, she was off again, leaving Erik alone with his thoughts.

 

His scary, scary thoughts…

 

XXX

 

“My God, I am bored!” Benji muttered, lounging lazily on the bed in his and Miguel's cabin.

 

“We just left Cuba!” Miguel replied, looking up from his book. “We've been chased by prison guards, robbed a bank and a tavern, fought with wannabe pirates, associated with crazy people…HOW MUCH MORE ACTION DO YOU NEED?”

 

“…Robbing Hiei blind?”

 

Miguel glowered. “Don't even think about it.”

 

Benji pretended to pout as he wrapped an arm around Miguel, who simply curled more tightly against his lover's side. “You're no fun.”

 

“Hmm…” The redhead considered Benji's words, then dropped his book and rolled suddenly onto his lover's chest. The captain yelped in surprise even as his arms came up instinctively to hold Miguel in place. “And just what would make me more fun, huh?”

 

Benji grinned and tightened his arms around Miguel's little waist. “I have a few ideas…” Then he drew the smaller man into a kiss, and both of them forgot about their former banter. When it ended several minutes later, they lay in silence for a little while, Miguel stretched out on top of Benji, being just too lazy to move.

 

“Hey,” Benji said softly, tilting Miguel's face up so that their eyes met.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“I really love you, you know.”

 

Miguel smiled. “Why's that?”

 

The captain snorted. “Hell if I know.”

 

“Gee, thanks.”

 

Laughing, Benji kissed Miguel softly, then fell to stroking his red hair in a soothing, repetitive motion that quickly began to send Miguel into a very relaxed place.

 

“…Benji?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Do you ever wonder what our lives would be like now if…if my parents had just accepted us from the beginning?”

 

Benji was silent for a moment before he said, “Truthfully? No, not really…”

 

Miguel rested his chin on his lover's chest and stared up at him in surprise. “Really? Not ever?”

 

“…Well…every once in a while, sure. Everyone has `if only' thoughts, right? But…why should I wonder? I mean, if the `if only' had actually happened….it couldn't have brought us to a better place than this, right?”

 

There was a short silence, and then Miguel smiled, and snuggled back to Benji's chest again. “See, that's why I love you. You always act so carefree and…well…stupid, no offense.”

 

“None taken.”

 

“But then you say smart or sweet or insightful things like that and surprise everyone. I love you for that.”

 

Benji smiled and rolled over so that he lay on his side, with Miguel curled up against him. Miguel buried his face in his lover's chest and yawned widely, causing the captain to smile and wrap his arms tightly around the little Spaniard. Pressing a kiss to Miguel's forehead, he whispered, “Get some rest, love. You haven't had any real sleep since we docked in Cuba.”

 

“Mmm…`kay…”

 

It only took a few short minutes of hair-stroking before Miguel was out, and reflecting that he was likewise short on sleep, Benji soon drifted off next to his lover.

 

XXX

 

The whole ship seemed to be asleep by the time the sun was at its highest. Even the helmsman dozed off now and again, rousing himself only to check their course before nodding back off into dreamland.

 

Rin was polishing her cannon, as she always did when she was bored or just plain insane. As she worked, she snag. Very loudly. And very off-key. Actually, she didn't so much sing as yell what might or might not have been some of possible lyricism.

 

This questionable maybe-singing was interrupted, however, when she spotted Erik sitting on the railing of the ship, staring out over the water and apparently not noticing her even though she was only about ten feet away. She opened her mouth to call to him, but snapped it shut as she saw Jiro approaching the doctor from behind. Grinning, she ducked behind some barrels and peeked around them to watch the fun.

 

XXX

 

Erik jumped at the feel of a hand on his shoulder, and turned around so quickly that he very nearly fell over the side of the ship and was only saved by the hand that shot out to steady him.

 

“Calm down, I come in peace,” Jiro said, his eyes dancing as Erik's eyes narrowed. Grinning, the chaplain came to stand next to Erik at the rail. “Still mad at me for this morning, huh?”

 

Erik opened his mouth, then snapped it shut and turned resolutely away from Jiro. After a moment, however, he gave up. “No…I'm not mad…”

 

Jiro smiled happily and used his good arm to swing himself over the rail so he could sit next to Erik. “Good.”

 

“Well, I see you're feeling better,” the doctor commented wryly.

 

“It's the drugs, I tell you. I gotta try those more often…”

 

Erik laughed. “I never did ask you how that happened.”

 

“Hey, you know what? I am starving! Let's go get some food, shall we?”

 

“But you just got here!”

 

“And now I'm going to the galley. You coming or not?”

 

“Well…all right, but just so you know, the talk is not over. A conversation did not just come to a close. The conversation is in me, so when we get to the galley, the conversation is just gonna start right back up again. Oh, look, the galley.”

 

Jiro sighed heavily. “Wonderful…”

 

XXX

 

“I'm bored.”

 

Kurama laughed and looked up from where he was frying vegetables at the ship's small stove. “You sound like Benji.”

 

Hiei gasped. “Bite me!”

 

Still laughing, the taller man came over to wrap his arms around Hiei's waist from behind. “I'm going to send a note over to them today. Got anything to put with it?”

 

“Hmph.”

 

“Ha! I knew it!”

 

“Knew what?” Hiei asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

 

“Hand it over, Hiei!”

 

Sighing irritably, Hiei reached into his pocket and pulled out a neatly rolled-up note, which he handed to Kurama without a word before going back to sharpening and cleaning his sword.

 

“I knew it, I knew it! You do like Benji! And you miss having him around! You do, admit it!”

 

“I will admit nothing,” came the flat reply.

 

Kurama only smiled to himself as he turned back to his cooking.

 

XXX

 

 

Erik was getting frustrated.

 

He and Jiro had managed to spend most of the afternoon alone together in the galley, and the chaplain was very open and honest about any questions Erik asked him, and in return Erik was careful to keep the conversation steered toward lighter topics. The only serious topic he brought up was how and why Jiro had gotten hurt, which the doctor felt he had every right to know (on a strictly doctor-patient basis, of course).

 

The problem was, Jiro managed to dodge the question every time, turning the conversation to other subjects so smoothly and skillfully that Erik followed his lead without realizing he was doing it. Erik then had to steer the conversation carefully back to the fight in Cuba, only to have Jiro thwart him again.

 

Yes, Erik was getting very frustrated.

 

But the doctor had always been labeled “irresistible” for a reason, and now was no exception. He was the type who could charm an old lady into donating her home, her savings, her teeth, and her grandchildren to a charity auction, have that same old lady thank him for giving her the opportunity, and still have plenty of charisma left to rope any romantic interest he so chose. The best part was, he was blissfully unaware of this increasingly rare talent—a trait which those around him found adorable (again, unbeknownst to the man himself).

 

Then again…sometimes sheer perseverance is the best course of action, as charm can only be counted on to do about 99.95% of the trick.

 

Jiro sighed heavily. “You're really not going to let this go, are you?”

 

Erik grinned, his eyes sparkling. “Nope.”

 

“Fine…But I don't want you freaking out about this, okay?”

 

“…Okay…”

 

“Well…actually…it was because of you.”

 

“Me? What did I do?”

 

“Uh, well, you know how you always seem to be on top and in control of things, like, all the time?”

 

“…No, but go on.”

 

“Well…you're really not on top of things during fights. I mean…seriously. You're lucky your head's not gone right now. I'm lucky your head's not gone right now, `cause…it's really pretty.”

 

Erik flushed a deep red, but chose to ignore the last statement. “And that has…what to do with you, exactly?”

 

Jiro shrugged. “Well, I saw some guys coming at you…so I went to try to stop them while you were off in Neverland or whatever…and then someone smashed my head with a rock…and then another someone grabbed my arm…and the snapping started…anyway, I'm free now. We're good.”

 

“Er…why?”

 

“Why what?”

 

“Why…that?” Erik gestured to Jiro's injuries. “For someone you hardly know?” Then, muttered so the chaplain couldn't hear, “Someone who's not even worth it?”

 

“See, that's why I didn't want to tell you. I knew you'd say that.”

 

Erik looked taken aback, but said nothing as he put his empty coffee cup on the table and got up. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he walked to the doorway and looked out. “The sun should set soon.”

 

No reply.

 

After a moment, Erik turned to look at his new friend.

 

“Want to come watch?”

 

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Authors' Note: My fellow conspirators have asked me, the typist, to ask the reviewers a quick question now that the chapter's finished, so I'm here to do just that.

 

The question is:

 

Do we suck?

 

Seriously. Because we haven't gotten a single review. I mean, we weren't exactly swimming in an ocean of them before, but we at least had a small kiddy pool! So we're wondering why no one is very interested now…