Ouran High School Host Club Fan Fiction ❯ Rubbing The Lamp ❯ Ch 13 Alone with her thoughts ( Chapter 20 )

Disclaimer: Ouran Host Club belongs to Bisco Hatori. I make no profit off this story. If Bisco Hatori-san wishes, I will remove this from the web upon her personal request.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 13

 

It was hard to decide whether to be happy or frustrated that her father was working late at the bar that Saturday night. If he was here, he'd know something was upsetting her and try to help her with it. And right now, she was so discombobulated that if he were here, she'd confide the whole story to him.

 

Which would probably be bad. He might go on a rampage and try to kill them all. Then again, he was always surprising her with moments of insight and consideration. If she could be certain he'd remain calm, without hysterics or theatrics, she'd wait up and tell him everything.

 

But that was not only highly improbable, but it was hours away. She was stuck with figuring it all out on her own. Being alone to do so was probably a very good thing.

 

Normally, she had exceptional skill at problem solving. The key was to find the starting point and then the pieces would line up that naturally for her in her mind, leading her directly to the proper conclusion.

 

But where do you start to unravel a problem like this?

 

Quietly, she went through her regular routine like an automaton: cooking some dinner, eating it, cleaning the dishes, doing some housework, preparing herself for bed. No studies tonight. She would have to put that off until her mind was settled - otherwise she might make careless mistakes. Routine allowed her to complete her tasks satisfactorily while her mind brewed on other things, trying to determine the best angle of attack for studying her situation.

 

Should she start by considering the fact that the people who had become both the biggest headaches in her life and her best and most cherished friends had tried to manipulate her for their own gain? Should she start with the fact that they all now claimed to be in love with her? Should she start with the fact that they'd succeeded in awakening desire?

 

And the worst part was that none of these issues could be cleanly separated in her mind as independent issues. When she started to think about the fact that they were just rich bastards used to getting what they wanted, her brain wavered into thinking about how unusual it was for them to work for anything - how much must they have really wanted her to not only put forth effort, but to work together.

 

But that lead to the thought that what they wanted was her and then she was remembering kissing Takashi, how that compared to kissing Kaoru and Hikaru - but did that even happen?

 

She'd thought before that she would need to kiss them all to determine whom she really desired. Now… God, was it fair to make her think about them all that way when they were her friends? Was she some sort of freak that she couldn't help but desire and wonder over the differences between them all?

 

Why did she have to find out about this? If they'd just kept quiet, maybe she could have had time to figure this out. But they felt guilty because they loved her. And now, how was she going to face them every day. Regardless of whether she forgave them or blamed them, returned their feelings or turned them down, things were going to be different now.

 

Heaven help her. What do you do with that kind of pressure? The six princes of Ouran - girls paid MONEY to have them PRETEND to be interested in them - believed they were in love with her. What the hell were they thinking? She'd thought before that they were damaged goods. But what the hell was *she*? She was just a poor, quiet, cross-dressing nerd. Was it just that she was an oddity? A passing fancy? Something to put into their scrap books as an interesting experience on their way to greater wealth and glory?

 

Her heart didn't believe it. These were HER boys. For all of their irritating behavior, they were precious. They were damaged goods - but it was their flaws that helped show how beautiful they were inside and out.

 

Except that they'd manipulated her and tried to use her debt to buy her favors. Did they think she was some sort of cheap whore? How immature and uncaring did they have to be to enter into that agreement anyway? Were they going to just pass her around like a toy? Allow each of them to take a taste of her? How could they do that? Was she just a game to them? Didn't they want her exclusively? And if not, then was it really love?

 

But they had backed out. They'd done the right thing. And they were just teenage boys with hormones, right? When it came down to it, she wasn't hurt by their actions. For the most part she'd benefited. She'd gotten her debt erased, gotten to try ootoro, been taken to a fair and an exclusive party, had a 5 star dinner, seen a good movie, played some games, been gifted with clothes - some of which had been specifically designed just for her! and let's not go into the ramifications of THAT little piece of information, learned how to make a gourmet cake and how to perform some basic self-defense.

 

Besides, she'd always had the option to say no to any of their wishes. Even now, she couldn't bring herself to believe that they would have done anything without her consent.

 

Other than the confusion in her brain for the past two weeks - which really was coming to a head now, wasn't it? - they'd caused her no harm at all.

 

If their schemes made her perform poorly on her finals, she might have to kill them all.

 

But, if she could do well, then this was - again - good practice for drowning out distractions when she went to Tokyo U.

 

Besides, she, too, had wanted… more. Okay not until after they played with her, until she started to see them as more than just friends, but if you really looked at it, she was an anomaly. Every other girl she'd ever met had already been interested in boys like that…

 

Wait, was she even interested in boys like that? Or was it just HER boys… If she stopped and thought about any other boy out there… Wait for it… Any reaction?... None.

 

Crap. What does *that* mean?

 

Does that mean that she loved them, too? Or just that she was attracted to all of them? Well, it would be hard for anyone to not be attracted to them. They weren't hard to look at, and they were basically sweet - with just enough tart to keep things interesting.

 

This was not clarifying anything, dammit!

 

Six irritating, wonderful, pain-in-the-ass boys - and they betrayed her by trying to manipulate her into deciding she wanted them. Wanted to touch them, wanted them to want her.

 

The hard part was that she couldn't stop herself from wondering about what it would feel like. She'd been held by each of them, felt their bodies pressed up against her - the heat, oh, god, the heat radiating from them to her! And when she kissed Takashi, her own fire that battled with his sweet, kindness - she could feel his joy. Just such a small thing, her kiss and he was happy.

 

He'd stopped it from going any further, but that didn't stop her mind from imagining what might come if she were to grant him a third wish. Takashi would be mostly gentle, but would give and take as if she were his equal. With him, she'd always feel revered, cared for. Special and precious.

 

Without warning, the memory - or fantasy - of the twins on opposite sides of her took over. Playful. She never knew what to expect with them. Their mother wanted her to date them both together. Insanity.

 

Regardless of how innocent she seemed, she knew how these things worked. The idea of two men at once had formerly seemed like too much hassle. But the twins would most likely do all the work. They would take what they wanted, taking turns so that she never even noticed what she was giving - so that the giving seemed like receiving.

 

GOD! She had to stop thinking like this. She was supposed to be mad at them. All of them. Not getting caught up in memories…

 

Tamaki beneath her in the mud, his eyes capturing his own. The longing in them was almost too much to bear, especially now that she knew why he looked at her that way. The King of the Host Club *wanted* her.

 

What would Tamaki be like? He'd probably kiss her softly like she was a delicate flower that might break apart if he wasn't careful. Soft gentle touches that would drive her to distraction. Smiling in spite of herself, she realized he'd be just as frustrating in these type of relations as any other type.

 

He was handsome and could be charming. Yet he was familiar - so much like her own father that it was sometimes irksome that he opted to call himself her father during club activities. A girl is not supposed to see a father figure like this. Of course, he wasn't her father.

 

When it came down to it, none of them were the roles that one might first assign to them.

 

Huni. He appeared younger than his age. Apparently he was a cute kid who liked childlike things. But he also thought deeply about things, cared deeply about his family and friends and allowed them to make their own mistakes for personal growth. His relationship with his brother proved that. And he was willing to be who he wanted, even if it caused people to misjudge him and treat him as less than he is: a warm, passionate man who knew how to align his priorities, who knew how to give of his heart and his spirit.

 

Mitsukuni would let her take control. But she had the suspicion that partway through he'd turn it around on her. Regardless of how he acted, he was a martial arts master. He could have her how he wanted in a heartbeat. Any time he wanted. And with Balzac and Nabakov on his shelves, he probably would be a bit rowdy.

 

Kyoya, on the other hand…

 

STOP! Just stop thinking about this! Stop getting distracted and focus on the problem at hand. She had to figure it all out - what to do, how to react.

 

Six men had admitted they were in love with her. Oh, not to her face! But still… She'd heard both Takashi and Mitsukuni say that they loved her and wished she loved them back. And when Takashi had told the twins that they all loved her, they hadn't denied it. Then, Tamaki had said he wanted her to love him back. And that Kyoya wanted that as well.

 

Of course, *Kyoya* hadn't claimed anything of the sort. Oh, no! For him, it was just another scheme. Something to prove he was the master manipulator. He'd admitted he was only doing it to help out his friends. He probably didn't care at all about her - she was completely insignificant to him.

 

(Why did his face look like that then?)

 

She was startled out of her thoughts by the intruding voice, which sounded strangely like Ryouji when he was in a serious mood.

 

(Think about it. Have you ever seen him look so out of control? So desperate?)

 

She had to admit she had not. And the memory of his expression pained her more than any of the other thoughts of betrayal. Why had he looked like that?

 

(Why does it bother you so much? Isn't he just a cold, unfeeling, rich bastard?) Her father's voice in her head - it sounded like he was teasing her now. Smirking.

 

Again, her thoughts paused. `…He wasn't like that on our…'

 

(Date?)

 

`On the dance floor.' The image of him smiling as he held her hand, tapped whipped cream onto her nose, the memory of him dancing with her and laughing, dipping her with the warm wisps of cinnamon ghosting across her face, pulling her up just as she thought he was about to… And then holding her so tightly.

 

Why did that memory meld so flawlessly into her the expression on Kyoya's face as she exited the practice room?

 

(Don't you remember what Takashi said?)

 

`Men are stupid around the women they love…'

 

(Exactly.)

 

So was that supposed to mean that he loved her? Then how could he have done this? How could he have even for once suggested the wish scenario? If he loved her, shouldn't he not like the idea of others touching her? But he thought it up. Suggested to the rest of them that they should all try to win her at the same time.

 

Why? Why would he suggest that? Was he… a pervert? Did he fantasize about having her at the same time as the rest of them? Did he have some sort of weird orgy in mind? Or maybe he was bisexual and wanted them all?

 

Her inner voice barked a disbelieving, scoffing laugh at that. (Maybe it was something simpler. His behavior was out of character, right? So it has to be some basic emotion motivating him. Think about people behaving stupidly. So stupidly that it seems out of character. What emotion usually is the prime motivator?)

 

Considering, she thought about stupid, out of character behavior. The first thing that came to mind was her dad's old boss. He had always seemed nice enough. And then, after her mom had died, Ryouji began dating men. After the boss found out, it wasn't too long before he found an excuse to let him go. It had been clear that it was about his homosexual lifestyle. When they ran into him once on the street, he'd said as little as possible and then crossed the street, quickly, to get away from them.

 

Haruhi remembered her dad laughing about it, saying, “Poor man. Someone needs to tell him that bisexuality is not contagious!” He was so scared of her dad - it was sad actually.

 

Scared. Fear. Fear?

 

(Bingo!)

 

But what would Kyoya possibly be afraid of? Afraid of enough to do something like this?

 

Without warning, her memory replayed a scene from when she was younger. Her father, drunk, yelling at the picture on her mother's shrine in the living room that had been erected only the day before. “Go ahead! Leave me! Leave me alone! I didn't want you here anyway!” And then he bowed his head and softly said, “We don't need you. We don't need you,” before bursting into tears. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please come back! Please!” Eventually he had cried himself to sleep in front of the shrine, mumbling, “Please,” over and over again.

 

Haruhi shook her head. What did that memory have to do with anything? She fell asleep, still trying to sort it all out.

 

 

 

 

(AN: Ah, lucky Haruhi! If only we all had our author acting our conscience as obviously as she has here. It would be so much easier to figure our lives out. But then again, where would the fun be in that?)

 

Secondary Disclaimer: All characters in this story are at least 18 years of age. While that might seem unlikely - as three of the characters are only sophomores in high school, I figure it this way: if Bisco Hatori-san can ignore the students graduating for two years in a row and keep everyone in the same grade, I can then apply that logic to their ages. Therefore, Haruhi, Kaoru and Hikaru are just 18. Kyoya and Tamaki are about to turn 19. Mori is about to turn 20, and Huni already is 20. (Therefore, according to Japanese figuring, Huni is the only adult. :P )