Pirates Of The Caribbean Fan Fiction / Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Pirates of the Caribbean: At Wit's End ❯ You Gotta Fight for your Right…to Pirate! ( Chapter 1 )

Pirates of the Caribbean:

 

At Wit's End

 

Written by: Greg Paraubek

 

Based on the sequel to the sequel of the movie based on the Disney theme park ride

 

 

HAMMER AND SICKLE STUDIOS PRESENTS A PARODY BY VOLKOV “At Wit's End” SONIC KNUCKLES ROUGE AND MILES “Tails” PROWER SHADOW G-MAN FEATURING AMY ROSE CERVANTES MEGABYTE AGENT 47 KERRIGAN ARTHAS BORIS BIG THE CAT GORDON FREEMAN MASTER CHIEF WITH DR. IVO “Eggman” ROBOTNIK AND OMOCHAO BASED ON THE SEQUEL TO THE SEQUEL TO THE MOVIE THAT WAS BASED ON A THEME PARK RIDE BUT STILL MANAGED TO GROSS A FREAKING FORTUNE BY DISNEY SCREENPLAY BY GREG PARAUBEK WRITTEN, PRODUCED, IMAGINED, DIRECTED, AND POKED WITH A STICK BY GREG “Volkov” PARAUBEK

 

THESE FILMS ARE RATED R FOR: STRONG VIOLENCE, BLOOD AND GORE, ALCOHOL USE, PERVASIVE ADULT LANGUAGE, SEXUAL THEMES, NUDITY, AND MASSIVE GAZOOMBAS

 

 

Intro: So, by popular demand (meaning one person), I present to you a parody of “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End”. I am aware as to how horribly delayed this parody has been, but this stupid thing called “life” keeps trying to suck up all my free time {Author's Note: Not that the Author has one…}. And, in stark contrast to say, “Duke Nukem Forever” {Author's Note: I'm still waiting, 3D Realms}, this has actually been released. In any case, enjoy this parody responsibly and make sure you've selected a designated driver before proceeding. And I hope it's better than the actual movie, which shouldn't be too hard a goal to accomplish.

 

Note/Disclaimer: Everything is owned by whoever owns it. The story is owned by me. So, you know, don't steal it. You punk.

 

Chapter One: You Gotta Fight for your Right…to Pirate!

 

[The camera fades into a shot of a hangman's noose. The camera cuts to the billowing flag of the East India Company. A long line of (presumably) pirates is marching along, chained together as armed redcoats watch over them. As a set of seven or so pirates march onto the gallows, a voice rings out.]

 

Tails: (reading a document) Hear ye, hear ye. In order to fight the scourge of piracy, prevent the illegal downloading of music, and ensure the protection of British freedoms, the government has enacted the following REDCOAT Act which shall be enforced by Lord Shadow the Hedgehog, as appointed by His Majesty, the King.

 

[The seven pirates stand on the gallows as the hangman places the nooses around each one.]

 

Tails: In accordance with the REDCOAT Act, the following rights have been temporarily suspended until such time as the Earth shall plunge back into the Sun. The right to gather in the street and harass random passer-bys to join your idiotic cult: suspended.

 

[The hangman pulls a lever, and the first row of pirates get hung. Hanged. Whatever.]

 

Tails: Right to plead the Fifth Amendment and pretend you're innocent even though every single thinking human on the earth knows you're guilty as all fuck: suspended.

 

[The lever is pulled again. More pirates are dead.]

 

Tails: Right to hire an overpaid lawyer who will proceed to prove conclusively that you were abused as a child or some other shit that will get you off for a triple-homicide-slash-rape that was seen by over forty witnesses: suspended.

 

[More pirates get hanged.]

 

Tails: Right to have a jury of morons let you off the hook for the aforementioned triple-homicide-slash-rape you committed because you just seem so nice: suspended.

 

[Ditto.]

 

Tails: Right to act like Scientology isn't some insane cult for rich idiots: suspended.

 

[Once more.]

 

Tails: Right to party: suspended.

 

[Again.]

 

Tails: Right to fight for the right to party: suspended.

 

[You know.]

 

Tails: Any individuals found guilty or suspected of Piracy, or abetting Pirates, or thinking that Pirates are better than Ninjas, or just being plain unpleasant to look at, will be hung by the neck until dead or deceased, whichever comes first.

 

[Another row of pirates is walked up the gallows. The one standing in the center looks to be like eight years old. He looks up at the noose, and then starts turning a coin over and over in his hands. Seeing as this as good a time as any, the kid starts singing.]

 

Eight Year Old Kid: (softly) I'm bringing sexy back, them other boys don't know how to act, I think you're special, what's behind your back? So turn around and I'll pick up the slack.

 

[Not at all impressed by the kid's musical chops {Author's Note: Give it a few years, and we'll see him on “American Idol”} the hangman brings out a barrel so the kid's neck can reach the noose. The other pirates on the gallows, moved by the kid's emotion, start to sing along.]

 

Other Pirates on the Gallows: Take `em to the bridge!

 

[The musical fever sweeps along the long line of pirates waiting to get on the gallows and they join in too.]

 

Pirates in line: (rhythmically clanking their chains) Dirty babe, you see these shackles, baby I'm your slave, I'll let you whip me if I misbehave, it's just that no one makes me feel this way.

 

[The (armed) British soldiers, showing their might, nervously back away from the unarmed (and chained) convicts. Tails runs up a small platform.]

 

Tails: Lord Shadow! They've started to sing, sir!

 

Shadow: Finally.

 

Tails: Sir, that makes no fucking sense.

 

Shadow: I know. I say what the script tells me, and that's what it tells me. Plus, I gotta get my sexy on.

 

Tails: Oh merciful Christ, no.

 

[All the pirates are singing now, and within seconds, the whole thing turns into a crazy Disney song and dance routine with animals and shit, and the British join in. Overwhelmed by the emotion, Lord Shadow lets everyone go and the movie ends early. No, I'm just kidding. They're all hanged. Even the precocious little kid. Yeah. This ain't your parents' Disney movie right here. Well, maybe “Bambi”, but still. The camera focuses on the coin the kid was holding onto earlier as it falls towards the screen. The movie title flashes onscreen.]

 

Pirates of the Caribbean

 

At Wit's End