Pokemon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction ❯ Bitter Return ❯ The Truth ( Chapter 3 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

When I pretend…everything is what I want it to be
I look exactly like what you had always wanted to see
When I pretend…I can forget the criminal I am

I can't pretend this is the way it will stay.
I'm just trying to bend the truth
I can't pretend I'm who you want me to be!

So I'm…Lying my way from you!

No, no turning back now!
I wanna be pushed aside!
So let me go!
Let me take back my life!
I'd rather be all alone!
Anywhere on my own!
'Cause I can see
The very worse part of you…is me

This isn't who I wanted to be!
I never thought that what I said
Would have you running from me
Like this

The very worse part of you…
The very worse part of you…
Is me…
-Lying From you, Linkin Park

Where to begin? How did you ever start to tell someone your love was only allowed because you did something horrible? Dori began then stopped, he tired of the false starts. He just wanted to get all out, take the weight off his soul. He laid half in the grass half in her lap. The back of his head rested gently against her chest, her hands played with the wool on his head, she smiled watching Cepheus play. She would have another fine lamb by her ram. She grew concerned hearing him start to say something just to try and hide it.

"Dori what is wrong?" She asked finally as she wrapped her arms about his shoulders.

"Leliah I need to tell you something…I just don't know how. It's very important and I tell myself and tell myself I have to…but, each time the words get stuck in my mind and I can't coax them out." He looked at his son, everything he did was to create him, a wonderful child. He knew he would regret what happened to Haris but, never would he ask to have it taken back, Cepheus was his son and without his actions he would not be here.

"You know I always am listening." She nuzzled Dori.

"I know you are listening but, this isn't something said with ease." Haris, he really messed up there. He had caused his death and how was he to say that to her? He had been the ram to this flock. Dori had been a no one just looking to score and he did but, Haris paid for it. "Remember last year?"

"How could I forget? So many terrible things and some wonderful thing happened." She smiled resting her head on his chest.

"Yeah…Haris…" He began but, she was interrupting him as soon as he said it.

"Dori that wasn't your fault! It was an accident. No one should blame you. You were stupid to try for Kali but, it was his choice to chase for so long and for not watching where he was going. You could of hurt yourself too, both of you were thinking too much with ramhoods and pride!" She shook her head. "It was no one's fault entirely."

"It…it wasn't an accident…not entirely." It finally came out of his lips. And he felt more pouring out. "I never meant for him to get hurt. I just wanted to distract him…to get him away from you for awhile. I never meant for it to go as far as it did."

The whole tale came tumbling out. Every thing he felt at the time, what he had thought would happen. He had been just madly in love with her and hadn't been thinking at all. It was silent, it was killing him as he watched her take it all in. Leliah was letting the account penetrate her mind.

"I don't believe you…" She shook just looking at him.

"I know what you feel about me…" He was about to finish that but, her grip on his flipper tightened.

"No! I don't believe you! I spent a year being ridiculed for one having your lamb! And for defending you! I don't believe this! You son of bitch! You lied to me! You lied to everyone! And made a jackass out of me!" Leliah was crying she, pulled her hand from his. She threw her face into her hands just crying, she couldn't believe the sweet ram she had loved was the killer they all said he was.

"Mama? You okay?" Cepheus came over he tried crawling into her lap.

"Cep…" She touched his cheek, she could see so much of Dori in him…the Dori she thought she knew. She suddenly hugged him close and stood. "We will be alright, just fine…we have our flock."

"Leliah wait let me just explain it all." He tried to take her hand once more. She backed away from him growling.

"You stay away! Killer! What did Haris ever do? He did nothing to you ever killer! Except let you into his flock! Don't you dare touch me again! You don't come near my son either!" She just pointed her flipper at him and stabbed it viciously in his direction as she shouted.

He felt his whole life fall to ash. She was his greatest love…he loved her more than any ewe before and that pained and hateful look she was giving him slashed at his soul. Any shred of connection to his own kind crumbled before him. His loathing for his own kind was growing with new life. Yet still his eyes fell on his son. Cepheus looked so much like him. He was a reminder that he had once been that young. Dori could see his eyes looking back on him.

It was liking seeing who he had been and longed to be again. But, he knew he had been far too changed to be that person again. He had been young screaming for his mother, looking so desperately for her when he became lost.

"But…you said he was my father! He's… fun…" Cepheus' head poked over his mother's shoulder and looked longingly at his father.

He saw himself screaming for help. Seeing himself wandering alone. He wanted to stop her, he wanted her to love him like she did. Cepheus, he should grow to be big and strong and happy, and not anything like Dori, that was all Leliah could think.

"Wait! Leliah! You can't…you can't do this to me! Leliah!" Dori tried to move but, the shock was seeping in. Why didn't he keep it buried inside of him? "Leliah!"

"Stop it! Just shut up!" She began to run.

"Leliah!" He sank to his knees. He shut his eyes just wishing for something…he didn't know what just that he prayed for something to happen, to make her love him again. He fell forward his face crashing into the grass.

He laid there tears falling and his mind stirring with images of the past blending with the present. His mother was in his thoughts. Pomona wandered further away from him, a lamb screaming for her to come back. Screaming for a long gone flock to return to him. It wasn't till he felt his throat burning that it came clear to him he was out in the field shouting for that flock. He was a small lamb once more crying out in pain, crying for those he loved, crying out for his mother to come and rescue him.