Pokemon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction ❯ The Official Fanfiction University of Kanto ❯ Plotlessdor, Flufflepuff, Angstinclaw, and Suetherin, Oh My! ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: Ms. Cam own idea for ficcie universities. Nintendo own Pokemon. Me own everything that no one else would WANT to own.

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"Stay in the copter," Julian commanded Tara as they landed in front of the house belonging to someone named 'X'.

Tara pouted, "But my legs are going numb! I need exercise, and besides, I think I'm going to get copter-sick," she gave a dramatic moan and clutched her stomach.

Julian gave her a very menacing look, "You had BETTER not get sick in MY helicopter!"

"Why, is it your only friend?" muttered Tara sullenly.

The next thing she knew, Julian had picked her up and threw her from the helicopter; she landed nearby in a large garbage bin.

"I do hope you get your fresh air while I'm fetching Ms. X," said Julian, snickering evilly as he grabbed a silver lid and placed it on top of the garbage bin.

The moment she heard the house's door swing shut behind Julian, Tara tossed her cookies. It was rather sick, considering that she was in a confined space, and therefore it all landed on her.

"JULIE, I HATE YOU!" she howled, trying to stand up and get the lid off the garbage bin with little success. After about five minutes, she finally pushed it off; unfortunately, such was the force behind this that it caused the bin to flip onto its side and start rolling down the street.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! MY SPLEEN!" echoed through the neighborhood.

~*~

Twenty minutes later, the helicopter was taking off again. Much to her chagrin, Julian had summoned some sort of creature by the name of 'Misti' that looked like an unusually small Deoxys to fit her with plastic body bag that would keep her 'filth' off the seat of his precious helicopter.

X, the girl whom Julian had come to pick up, was a very…interesting person. Although she was, of course, a Pokemon fan, she also had a not-so-small obsession with Megaman X - not to mention some guy by the name of 'Zero' who was apparently also a part of the whole Megaman franchise. At the moment, X was rambling to no one in particular about the many wonderful qualities of Zero.

"I like his hair. It's all long and blonde and PRETTY!" she paused for a moment. "Er…what was I saying?"

Julian gave an audible sigh and rolled his eyes for so long that Tara was concerned that he may have passed out.

Deciding she should be nice and try to start conversation, Tara replied, "Yes, Zero is good and fine," in truth, Tara had no idea whatsoever about Zero's looks or personality, "but I know about some guys who are even MORE delicious."

X's eyes lit up, "You do? Who?" when Tara did not respond within five seconds, X reached over the seats, grabbed her plastic body suit and began to shake her. "TELL ME WHO, DAMNIT!"

"James!" said Tara quickly. By now she was very concerned for X's sanity. "I mean, think. His abs, his hair, his fashion sense, his intelligence - "

At this, Julian gave a derisive snort, "James couldn't think his way through a game of tic-tac-toe if he had Jessie hissing directions in his ear from the sidelines. Most unfortunate, doesn't know the difference between an X and an O, that one…"

"I'm an X!" said X happily.

"You. Moron." said Julian, giving her a withering look.

However, this didn't seem to perturb X in this slightest, "I've also got a friend who thinks she's an Attacked Banana. Actually, she doesn't exist and her name's Yag, but I think that if I treat her like she's real person, one day she will become real!"

"Ummmm…" Tara wasn't exactly sure how to respond to this.

"Hey, it worked in the tale of the Velveteen Rabbit!" snapped X defensively.

Julian gave her a gentle look and said slowly, "X, my dear, the Velveteen Rabbit is a work of fiction. Say it with me, Fic-shun. As in, not real."

"You mean…it's not?" whispered X, looking as though her entire world had just been shattered.

~*~

It was to both Tara's and Julian's immense relief when they landed at the university two hours later.

"I still think you're wrong about the Velveteen Rabbit, you know!" screamed X as two of the tiny Deoxys grabbed her from the helicopter and began dragging her towards the front of a very impressive building with a huge banner across the front reading 'WELCOME NEW STUDENTS!'.

Tara was forced (by a very irate Julian) to carry her own luggage. Julian himself had stormed off, grumbling about how one day he would get revenge on the world for everything that had ever happened to him, to a large red building near the main university.

"All fanwriters, please assemble by the large fountain out front!" came a voice from a nearby loudspeaker.

Suddenly, there also came a proclamation of, "AAAAAAAAAAAAGH! GET THEM AWAY! GET THEM AWAY! NOOOOOOOOOOOO, HOW DID THEY GET IN HERE?! OH GOD, WHY?!"

This was followed by several girlish voice exclaiming, "No Sam, don't run! We won't hurt you, we swear!"

Shrugging, Tara made her way over to the fountain (complaining to herself of the horrible weight of her luggage the whole way) and sat down.

"Any idea what that's about?" asked a girl sitting near her, gesturing at the loudspeaker.

"No idea," said Tara tiredly, rubbing her arms. Oh the woes of being forced to carry one's own luggage.

The girl put a hand to her chin and said thoughtfully, "I think they're stampeding Professor Oak…" after a moment she added, "my name's Hitchi, who're you?"

Tara ignored her last statement, "EEEEEW!" she shrieked so loudly that it caused several nearby people to jump. "He's got old man germs!"

"Hey," snapped another girl. "Some of us find his sagely wisely-ness sexy, you wench."

"But…he's old," said Tara as though this was all the reason anyone needed not to find Professor Oak attractive.

"Doesn't stop Delia Ketchum, does it?" snickered yet another girl. Several people who were apparently Oak fangirls snarled and jumped on her, proceeding to beat the stuffing out the poor hapless Eldershipping fan.

Tara was still in a state of shock, "He's old…" she whined softly.

At that precise moment, the subject of Tara's distress appeared in front of them. His shirt was torn and his hair was sticking up more than usual - in other words, he hardly looked mentally stable.

"Eh…hello," said Oak quietly, his eyes scanning the crowd of writers in a paranoid fashion, "as most of you know, my name is Professor Samuel Oak, and I will be speaking to you about the basics of our university."

"SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!" screamed one girl dashing through the throng of writers as fast as humanely possible, arms opened wide. Just as she was about to reach the object of her desire, she was knocked backwards by yet another miniature Deoxys.

Professor Oak smiled at them deviously, "Ah yes, first order of business. Mini-Deoxys," he turned to the one that had just knocked out the fangirl. "Good work, Samul."

There were distraught murmurings from the fanwriters. Especially the ones who had previously been to some place called 'The Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth'.

"Now, can anyone tell me how these Mini-Deoxys come to be?" asked Oak pleasantly.

One girl near the front raised her hand, "T-the names…the misspelled names…AAAAAAAAAH, IT'S MINI-BALROGS ALL OVER AGAIN!" she promptly fainted.

"Um…yes," said Professor Oak, looking at her with some concern. "The simplest way to put it is, well, here's this little bit of prose that I devised:

Every time a name's misspelled in Pokemon,

A Mini-Deoxys turns up on our lawn," he looked around eagerly, as though expecting great applause.

The majority of the fanwriters groaned loudly.

"Get it? Lawn? Pokemon? It rhymes, really it does!" Professor Oak insisted.

"Get on with it, oldie!" snarled someone else from the crowd.

Professor Oak sighed heavily, "We genius are so unappreciated…" he straightened up. "Anyway, as you may know, you've been sent to this university to learn better writing. Your classes will begin Monday - that is two days from now for those of you whose brains have already been so rotted by summer vacation that you no longer memorize the dates - and your schedules will be handed out shortly. Now, if you'll follow me inside…"

He ushered them inside the impressive university. It looked rather like Harry Potter's school, Hogwarts, to Tara. It seemed she wasn't the only one who thought this, as many of the people around her seemed to find it necessary to point this out to their neighbours.

"Yes, yes indeed this structure is modeled on your 'Hogwarts'. The coordinator is an unfortunately huge Harry Potter freak…wouldn't have it any other way," muttered Professor Oak, looking as though this greatly displeased him. "Our coordinator's obsession also explains the phase that you will be going through shortly - the Sorting."

"Ooh, you mean we're going to be able to put on the Sorting Hat, and it will tell us if we belong in Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, or Hufflepuff?" asked a fanwriter excitedly.

Professor Oak gave them an evil smile once again, "Not quite. You see, we couldn't just lift this all from the Potterverse. We'd be facing some horribly large copyright infringements, wouldn't we now? So instead, we settled for not-so charming alternatives."

"Um, Professor Oak, I think I speak for everyone when I say 'What the hell'?!" said a person near Tara who she thought was called Toraphim Honor, or something like that.

"First of all, you will not be putting on the Sorting Hat. Instead, you will be unceremoniously thrown into the Sorting Vat."

"Unceremoniously thrown?" yelped several people, Tara among them.

"That's what I said, isn't it?" said Professor Oak, who seemed to be enjoying their expressions of horror. "Now then, you will, of course, have the choice of being Sorted into one of four Houses. Our four Houses here at OFUK are Plotlessdor, for those of you who love writing those erm…amusingly random stories and such, or don't even know what a plot is…"

"What's a plot?! What's a plot?!" X was whispering frantically to everyone around her.

"Flufflepuff, best suited to those among you who write nauseatingly OOC romance…"

Tara, for once, had the sense to blush, as did several others.

"Angstinclaw, a House where converge all the authors with scary obsessions for dark, future-of-Pokemon stories where all the canon characters are depressed and suicidal…"

"Does anyone know what canon is?" asked X hopefully. Several people looked at her and slapped their hands to their foreheads.

"And finally, Suetherin - " Professor Oak's eyes wandered over to a girl who was drawing a female figure on a sketchpad. The character in question had beautiful, long, flowing hair, bright, shining eyes, long fingers heavily adorned with jewelry, a very slender figure, and basoomers all too gigantic to be plausible, "which needs no explanation," finished Professor Oak, shaking his head sadly.

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Yup, another chapter done. For those of you who wanted to be in it, please send me an e-mail at anime_girl_17@hotmail.com and give me, first of all, the form found in chapter two, and secondly, what House you'd be in.

Until the next chapter,

~TRF