Pokemon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction ❯ The Official Fanfiction University of Kanto ❯ Lucy Goosey, The Sky Is Falling! ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon, and I don't own the idea for fanfiction universities, which goes to Miss Cam!

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"Come now, it's time," said Professor Oak, leading them through a large set of doors and into a room obviously modeled off of Hogwarts's Great Hall. Of course, there was a staff table, and four tables for the four different Houses. The staff table was situated at the front, and in the middle of the room was a giant, bubbling vat with two of the House tables on either side.

Oddly enough, everyone in the room was wearing sunglasses. Oak had just pulled some on as well.

Tara blinked, looking around the room for something that might need to be viewed through the safety of dark lenses. Then her eyes rested on the Sorting Vat. A weird, gooey substance had just plopped out. It was the ugliest, most despicable color Tara had ever laid eyes on.

Apparently, she wasn't the only one who thought so, because many of the fanwriters around her gasped in horror and fainted dead away.

"Oh. Did I forget to mention blorange to you?" asked Professor Oak politely. Tara had the distinct impression that he had not truly 'forgotten' at all.

Hitchi had her hands over her mouth and was looking as though she might hurl at any second, "What's blorange?" she inquired.

Or at least that was what Tara thought she said - very hard to hear people when they're covering their mouths with their hands, you know.

"Blorange is…well, just think of it as blue and orange in the worst possible combination," Professor Oak explained. "I'd advise you to close your eyes while you're in the Sorting Vat, or there's a good possibility you'll be blinded for life, as some of our other students unfortunately found out last semester."

Several people gulped.

From the staff table, Delia Ketchum stood up, "I will be reading your names in a completely random order. When you hear your name, step up to the large Machoke," she gestured to a Machoke that was a few feet in front of them, "and he will throw you into the Sorting Vat. Once it has decided where to place you, it will spit you out and you should fall directly into a seat at your new House's table."

She paused a moment, and them added very quickly, "The Official Fanfiction University of Kanto is not responsible for anyone blinded by the Blorange Coloring of the Sorting Vat, or anyone who has a less than smooth landing at their House table."

Several more people gulped.

"Let the Sorting begin!" cried Delia, picking up her list of names.

"Isn't it supposed to sing first?" yelled one writer. "The Sorting Hat sings!"

"Well," said Delia, in a would-be pleasant voice, "this isn't the Sorting Hat, now is it?"

"It's a close enough! You'd think if you ripped something off from somewhere else, you'd at least rip it off right!" retorted the same writer as before.

"Ahem…Jamed, Jassy, take 'im away," said Professor Oak, snapping his fingers as two Mini-Deoxys appeared. They grabbed the unfortunate writer and carried him out of the faux Great Hall.

"Does anyone else have any objections?" asked Delia, a smug smile on her face.

The new fanwriters all shook their heads mutely as cries of terror issued from the direction in which one of their number had been taken.

"Good," replied Delia sadistically. "X?"

X looked around, "Huh? What?"

"Come up to the Machoke, dear," said Delia exasperatedly.

"Oh," said X, nodding wisely as she walked up to the fighting pokemon. It lifted her in its arms and threw her into the vat, causing some blorange to slosh out. The older students who happened to be sitting closest to it screamed and ducked under their tables.

For a moment, all was still, and then a deep voice cried, "TO PLOTLESSDOR WITH HER!" after which it spat X out and she landed on one of her fellow Plotlessdors, who didn't seem all that happy.

"Hitchi," said Delia, smirking; no one had ever seen anything quite like it - Delia wasn't supposed to be evil she was supposed to be maternal.

Shaking, Hitchi stepped up to the Machoke and let out a shriek as she was hurtled through the air and into the Sorting Vat.

It seemed to take longer with her, before yelling, "SEND HER TO FLUFFLEPUFF!" Hitchi flew through the air, landing in the middle of the Flufflepuff table with a resounding 'clunk'.

"Toraphim Honor!" yelled Delia.

Toraphim Honor stepped up and said snappishly, "I'd appreciate being called Luna Tiger, if it's all the same to you," the Machoke shrugged and swung her around several times before throwing her into the vat.

There was a minute's silence, and then, "GIVE THIS ONE TO ANGSTINCLAW!" It shot Tora - er…Luna Tiger out of itself like a cannon and she flew down the Angstinclaw table, knocking over several food items.

Delia looked down at the list, "Ketsuban!"

Ketsuban pranced forward, looking very cheerful. It was therefore a rather large surprise when, after she had been thrown into the vat, it took only five seconds to pronounce her an Angstinclaw. She landed gracefully at her table; everyone was rather sure that she would be both the first and the last to do so.

"Tara-Sue Jenkins!" said Delia loudly. Everyone looked around to see who the person with the dorky name was. Tara, for her part, was paralyzed by fear.

A Mini-Deoxys began to wade through the crowd and was…sniffing them. It rested on Tara, nodded, and then reached down her shorts, and pulled up her underwear, which had 'Tara-Sue' written on it in loving, motherly lettering.

Everyone broke out in guffaws of laughter - after all, not only was her name written on them, but they were bright pink with Teletubbies on them.

Tara wanted to die. Quickly.

The Mini-Deoxys pushed her forward to the Machoke, who took one look at her beet red face and burst out into another round of laughter before picking her up and thrusting her into the Vat. Luckily for Tara, she closed her eyes just in time.

"Hahahaha! Er…excuse me. Let's see what we have here. Oh my, you're a right little mess, aren't you Tara-Sue?"

'Don't call me Tara-Sue, you stupid, inconsiderate, foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach!' Tara thought, her hands balling into fists.

"Oooh, that hurt. Someone's been watching a bit much Harry Potter, I see. Well…anyway, you'd be a very good candidate for Suetherin, but god knows we get enough of them. I think you'll thrive in Flufflepuff."

'I don't want to. I'm a good writer! I don't belong at this stupid school! I'M A GOOD WRITER!' Tara yelled to it mentally.

"That's what they all say, you stupid wench. SEND HER TO FLUFFLEPUFF!"

The next thing Tara knew, she had been shot out of the Sorting Vat (whom she had decided was a very vindictive bastard that she was going to get revenge on as soon as she had the chance) and flew through the air, landing head first into someone's pudding.

"Umm…" the person whose pudding Tara had landed in spoke up, "my name is Barb…and you're in my pudding."

Tara felt her thoughts spinning in every direction at once, and did not reply.

Barb took a stick from the ground and began to poke the unresponsive girl.

"Mummy…I want the pumpkin pie for desert. Ok mummy? Is it tea time in fantasy land?" Tara asked, giggling feebly. She hardly noticed when the next five girls after her were quickly Sorted into Suetherin.

Barb raised an eyebrow and slid her plate out from under Tara's head.

Tara pointed towards the ceiling, "Lucy goosey, the sky is falling!" Then she passed out.

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Hmmm…that was an…interesting ending, and it was rather short. Heh, admissions are still open for everyone interested!