Pokemon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction ❯ The Official Fanfiction University of Kanto ❯ Each House Has Its Resident Nutters... ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: TRF does not own Pokemon. Miss Cam owns the idea for universities. JK Rowling owns House Elves, which TRF is speaking like right now! Wait…TRF never got permission from the creators of Pokemon to use their characters…Bad TRF! Bad TRF! *Hits herself with a lamp*

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The morning after the Sorting, a very confused Tara woke up in a four-poster bed. For a moment, she forgot where she was, leaped out of bed, and tried to push open the door (paying no attention to the knob). When this failed, she slid down and broke into hysterical sobs.

"Wazzup?" muttered a voice from the bed above Tara's.

"I don't know!" cried Tara, her sobs suddenly intensifying.

The person rolled out of bed, falling to the floor with a 'thud', blankets still wrapped tightly around her.

"Monster!" shrieked Tara, who was obviously still highly disoriented.

"Mmmmm…'m tired…" murmured the person, trying to disentangle herself from the blankets. "Help me here," she snapped to Tara.

"I don't help monsters who want to eat me alive and grind my bones to make their bread!" said Tara breathily, her fists clenching. "I'll FIGHT you, knave!"

"Stupid…mumble…do it myself then…mumble…" the girl, with a bit of difficulty, pushed herself away from the blankets, showing a pale face with short, messy violet hair.

Tara's eyes widened. "You…you're human!"

"No, and here I thought I was an alien from Namek. How disappointing," she said, sarcasm heavily apparent.

"Who're you? Where am I? Is this one of those government conspiracies the sci-fi geeks at my school are always talking about?!" shrieked Tara, her voice rising steadily with each word.

The girl gave her an odd look. "Er…my name is Natasha Pinkley, this is the Official Fanfiction University of Kanto, and as far I know, there's no conspiracy…"

Memories of the previous day suddenly filled Tara's mind, and comprehension dawned on her face. "Oh…I remember now…"

"Good. I wasn't going to explain it to you," said Natasha happily. "Better get dressed then, we're going on a tour of the school today."

"Right…" muttered Tara, reaching over to her suitcase and pulling out a few clothes.

"Not in that!" snapped Natasha, raising an eyebrow. "If you recall, we've got uniforms," she gestured towards a pile yellow-and-black robes sitting in a neat stack in the corner.

"But those are so ugly!" whimpered Tara, feeling more like her old self with each passing seconds.

"Yes, well, I suppose they couldn't just rip off the Harry Potter uniforms straight out," said Natasha shrugging and taking the top most one before disappearing into what must have been the bathroom.

"I refuse to wear these," said Tara, a very dignified air to her voice.

"Have fun in the nuddy-pants then," came Natasha's muffled reply.

Not for the first time since receiving her letter, Tara wanted to cry - again.

~*~

Tara looked down at her uniform in disgust at breakfast that morning. "I cannot believe I put this on…why do they want to torture us like this?" she complained to Barb, who was buttering a piece of toast and not looking all that interested.

Near the entrance the faux Great Hall, a girl wearing Plotlessdor robes was clutching a man around the ankle, and appeared to be trying to bribe him with a large wad of cash.

"Ooooh, Murg doesn't look happy," noted Barb as the girl got up and began to wave the money in his face.

"I don't remember ever hearing of a guy called Murg in the anime…" said Tara, her brow furrowing.

"You wouldn't, would you? He and Blackjack," she pointed to a woman sitting at the staff table, "are alumni. They help teach. Don't cross them, though, just because they aren't from canon. It'll get ugly."

"Would you know that from personal experience, perchance?" asked a cool male voice with a slight British accent, coming from behind them.

"Julian!" said Tara, knowing who it was without turning around.

"Yes. That would be me, Ms. Jenkins," said Julian, swaggering up to face them.

Barb looked at him, "Don't you usually avoid crowds?"

"Usually," Julian responded, an expression of distaste on his face. "As do many of the other OCs, but I was on clean-up duty last night…" he winced. "God, when I have the strength to take on that sadist who made up blorange…"

"That will be double duty, Mr. DiRocketti," said another voice, approaching from the same way that Julian had come, "for insulting your coordinator."

"I'm not a student, you know. And as much as you would wish you had supreme control of all, Ms. TRF, you are, as you say, naught but the coordinator," said Julian smoothly.

TRF stomped into view, her arms crossed across her chest. "Hey! I've got as much rule as - "

"Do save it for someone who cares, twit," said Julian. He smirked at the incensed look on TRF's face and went to the breakfast line.

"Urgh! He's so much more trouble than he's worth!" snarled TRF, stamping off to the staff table.

Tara stared after her, "Um…who was that again?"

"The coordinator. She's the one who set up the system of OFUK. Not very fond of Julian, as you can see," Barb remarked.

"Well, he is a git," said Tara, looking over at him.

Suddenly, there was a large explosion from outside the hall, and frantic students came running in, their robes badly singed and ripped.

"IT'S BETHIE BONKERS! SHE SET OFF A ROCKET BOMB!" yelled one of the students, dashing up to the staff table, where she collapsed - perhaps a bit too conveniently - at James's feet.

Tara was beginning to think she'd never understand OFUK. Never. "Who's er…Bethie Bonkers?"

As many of the staff members went running down the hall and into the hall, looking very panicked, Barb raised an eyebrow and answered, "Weird girl in Plotlessdor. She keeps graduating, then violating the rules within a week of getting out, and being sent back. This is, what, the seventh time she's been a 3rd term student?"

"Eight, Barb," answered someone from down the table.

Hitchi moved over to join their conversation. "Does she have anything to do with that girl down there?" she asked, pointing towards a girl at the end of the table, scribbling on a piece of paper. Everyone seemed to be giving her wide berth.

"Not really…well…sort of. Every House seems to have its resident nutter. That's Romantic Rona. She's a rabid Pokeshipper who can't seem to stop writing out of character romances that, as of late, have always involved the flaming death of May…"

Tara, who had sort of felt sorry for the girl earlier, felt that feeling evaporate immediately.

Barb looked over towards the Angstinclaw table and nodded her head towards a girl out of uniform (dressed in all black), who was currently giving Ketsuban an extremely dirty look for what appeared to be no reason whatsoever. "Over there, that's Depressed Deirdre."

"Don't forget her other nickname - Deirdre Dementor," whispered a girl who was sitting near them. She shivered and explained, "because, you know, she sort of has that effect on things…"

Depressed Deirdre saw a flower growing in between the cracks in the faux Great Hall's stone floor and picked it up. Almost immediately, it turned to ice and shattered. Tara felt herself shudder.

"Then Suetherin has actually got four of them," said Barb, pointing towards four happily chattering girls at the end of the Suetherin table, and began to name them from left to right. "Sassy Samantha, Shrieking Selma, Snappy Serene, and Sickening Samara."

"They've written almost all of the most notorious 'Sues to plague the Pokemon fandom," said Jane McRandomcharacter.

"Attention new students!" yelled Jessie, marching up to the staff table, the end of her hair singed, looking very disgruntled. The other characters were following behind her, their clothes a bit torn.

James jogged up to her. "Come to the doorway and make two lines - one should have people with surnames starting with A through M, and the other with those whose surnames start with N through Z."

"Have fun," said Barb, smirking in a rather annoyingly knowing way as Tara, Hitchi, and the other new students got up.

As she and Hitchi both moved to the A - M section, they encountered the girl who had been trying to bribe Murg for something earlier. Tara, of course, couldn't resist speaking up.

"So, what were you doing earlier? And…uh…who are you anyway?" she asked, tapping the girl on the shoulder.

The girl shook one of her green pigtails back, and turned to face them. "I'm PepazaGal, and, er…" she scanned the area with her pink eyes, as though worried about eavesdroppers ('Like the whole place didn't see her earlier,' thought Tara), "I was trying to bribe that Murg guy to give me passage to…" she paused dramatically for a moment, "…the staff area."

"Huh?" said both Hitchi and Tara at the same time.

PepazaGal sighed. "I found out from the older students last night - that's where all the teachers relax, sleep, eat, what-have-you. Off limits to students, of course. I want to talk to Ash!"

Tara gasped. "Me too! I love Ash! James too, but, well…ASH!" she screamed as she saw the boy from Pallet walking over to their group. He looked uncharacteristically nervous, and was surrounded by about twenty Mini-Deoxys.

"OH MY GOD! I LOVE YOU ASH!" shouted PepazaGal.

Of course, this had drawn the attention of those who hadn't before noticed Ash slowly creeping up to them. Soon, they were standing as close to him as the Mini-Deoxys would allow, weighing him down with marriage proposals, and taking out various items and waving them in the air, begging him to sign them. One girl was bold enough to ask if he would sign her butt.

"Ummmmm…" Ash looked around at them like a deer in headlights. "MISTY, I CAN'T DO THIS! I can battle Pokemon, I can take on dangerous quests, heck, I can let myself be nobly killed, but I can't face these…these…" he looked at all of them. "Er…what do you guys call yourselves?"

"FANGIRLS!" they all shrieked in unison.

"Yeah, fangirls," said Ash sheepishly.

Misty Waterflower herself walked over to them, mallet in one hand, frying pan in the other. "Ok, you've had your fun, now lay off him!" she commanded.

The girls were less than eager to comply. In fact, many of them (Tara included) gave Misty a look of deepest loathing.

"You think you're such hot stuff that you can run 'round with our Ash?! Huh?! HUH?!" snarled a girl up front. "Well you're not! You're a pissy little - "

Unfortunately, the girl never had time to finish her sentence. A Mini-Deoxys bearing a nameplate with 'Mtisy' written on it formed a ball of energy in its hands and shot it at the girl, who went flying through the doors.

Ash turned to give them an uneasy smile. "Don't get on Misty's bad side, you don't even want to know how many misspellings of her name there are."

"Indeed," said Misty huffily. She turned to face the jumpy students. "What're you standing there for? We've got to get a move on!"

"Yes ma'am!" they all squeaked, looks of dread upon their faces. Looking longingly back at the older students, still calmly eating, they followed Ash and Misty out of the hall.

"I wish I was in the group lead by Jessie and James," murmured a girl standing by Tara, Hitchi, and PepazaGal. "Rocketto Dan Yo Ein Ni."

Immediately, Misty turned around to them, "And what…" she said in a deceptively calm voice, "DID YOU JUST SAY?!"

The girl yelped and jumped backward a few feet. "N - nothing. Nothing at all."

Misty fingered her frying pan. "That's what I thought."

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