Princess Mononoke Fan Fiction ❯ Princess Mononoke Rebirth ❯ Mixed Emotions ( Chapter 18 )

Mixed Emotions

 

The dawn awoken early again one morning, as Motoko's eyes drew open from the red sunlight glowing on her face; even though she had slept, she hadn't slept smoothly, or happily. She rose from her bed revealing to her the tinges of blood stained on her bandages.

“What have I done to myself?” She thought to herself, as the lesions on her wrists brought to her the memory of her attempted suicide. “I'm glad that Sasuke stopped me, but why did he leave me? Why didn't take me while he had the chance? Most men I know are perverted pigs who only think of sex, but Sasuke didn't sleep with me…maybe he's more of human than I know of. Ashitaka is a great man too; he's one of the noblest I've known.”

“Motoko?” A deep male voice came from behind her; she turned around as she saw Ashitaka.

“I'm sorry…for my behavior yesterday. It was wrong and stupid of me to do so.”

“No; you have nothing to apologize for. I came too rash onto you.” Ashitaka apologized back. Motoko slowly walked up to him, secretly hiding her arms behind her back. She came up to Ashitaka at a close difference.

“I didn't mean to let my anger out on you; it's just that my monster wanted to get the best of me at that time.”

“We all have a demon inside us.” Motoko softly chuckled at Ashitaka as he did the same. Then he looked down at her arms as they were kept away from her front, and then he noticed the ripped cloth from her clothes, the wrapped up bandages, and the stains of blood.

“Motoko…” Ashitaka then gently grabbed both of her arms and brought them out, whilst Motoko was still too weak to take control over them. “…did you hurt yourself?” Motoko started to tremble and quiver. “Motoko what happened?” Ashitaka asked quite sternly. Her lips began to quake, and her heart pounced faster, until she couldn't take it anymore.

“When I ran away from you, I went inside the house, and I started to cut myself…” Ashitaka started to gasp from the words that came out from her mouth. “And before Sasuke rescued me, I nearly killed myself.” There was a long pause in the house.

“Why? Why would you do that to yourself?”

“Because I'm a failure, that's why!” Ashitaka stepped back a little. “Ever since my past life, I have screwed up every battle I had against my enemies. And one that one battle against your tribe, I nearly had it, until I killed my father with my mother's sword! I was afraid my people would disown me, so I ran away instead! I've never won anything in life; absolutely nothing! Because…” she started to sob as she gasped in air. “…because I'm useless.” She then swiveled away from Ashitaka and cried in ache. Ashitaka sighed and touched Motoko on the shoulder, and turned her back around.

“Now you listen to me Motoko; you are not useless, you are the strong girl with a pride of independence. If it wasn't for you, I would be dead from my last wound, San and I would have been captured by Samurais from Irontown, and all of us would be lost without you. I know your father would be proud of who are you are now.” He stated to her, but she then let hang her head, and pressed it onto Ashitaka's chest, Ashitaka blushed a little, but then realized that needed some kind of comfort. Teardrops trickled from Motoko's eyes and bleached onto Ashitaka's blue kimono. He then slowly placed both of his hands onto her shoulders again and brought her body closer to him.

“It' alright Motoko.” He then reassured Motoko.

But then suddenly outside, San was stood about three to four meters away from the house, and she was clenching her fists very tightly, along with her teeth gritting; she saw and misunderstood of Ashitaka's ease towards Motoko. Motoko brought her head up again, and saw the envious San looking at her maliciously, and then running away.

“Ashitaka, I think you should let go of me now.” She pushed him aside.

“Why?” Ashitaka asked, until he too saw San escaping the misunderstood cupidity of them two. “Oh no.” He exclaimed. “You don't mind if I leave you here?”

“Go after her; I'll be fine.” Motoko replied, as then Ashitaka sprinted out of the house and jogged into the forest.

“Oh San please don't be mad at me.” He thought to himself. He still jogged until he opened up into this scenery where there's the lake, and the Forest Spirit's island, along with the place where San's mother had died. The sun was orangey-red, and the sky was still purple. He then looked down to see the jade and emerald plants, with ruby flowers, and quartzes of sakura dancing in the air. As he observed the small yet beautiful landscape, he found his beautiful San walking away from him.

“San!” he exclaimed, but San quickened her pace a little faster. “San wait.” He panted as he finally caught up with her; and then he pressed his hand onto her right shoulder. “San, its not-

But then San smacked away his hand from his touch.

“What the hell were you doing?!” She snapped at him.

“It's not what you thought.”

“Are you sure about that?” she spoke cynically, as Ashitaka turned quite pale and shaken. “I'm leaving; I'm sick of living with human presences.” She started to walk away from him again, but was then clutched and embraced tightly around Ashitaka's arm.

“You have to break away from me then.”

“Let me go!” San snarled as she struggled to break free from Ashitaka's grasp. She tried wiggle her way off him, but the young prince was too strong to be broken free from. “Let…go!” she strained her voice she tried and she tried, but the wolf girl ran out of energy to release her anger. Ashitaka still held her close to his body, but had loosened the grip on her a little.

“I'm sorry you mistook my action; we are just friends; nothing more.” San then looked down upon herself with her hands upon Ashitaka's arms. “I want to spend the day with you, together with me.” San then gasped and slightly clenched her hands.

“Just the two of us?”

“Just the two of us.” Ashitaka cooed to her. He then let go of San as she turned to him. Ashitaka then walked closer to her and went onto her side, as they then sauntered slowly and tranquilly along the grass.

They then find themselves walking along a beige bunch of laces of meadow across their path; it was nearly midday, and still the two opposite humans walked side by side, with a cerulean river streaming peacefully in an opposite direction.

“We never get time between ourselves once.” San calmly commented.

“No, we haven't.” Ashitaka replied.

“It feels good.”

“It does?”

“Yeah.” She replied. Then a small rumble came within her stomach, and so did come out from Ashitaka's.

“We haven't had any breakfast yet.”

“Well what can we get then?” Ashitaka questioned as he looked around the golden meadow, and then seeing a bottle light blue river flowing near themselves. He walked up to the sound of the cool rushing water with San following behind, and then seeing through this lucent river, were a school of silver fish swimming along with the current.

“Shall we get some fish?”

“Fish sounds good.” San answered back. Ashitaka then sat down by the river bank, took off his shoes and dipped his feet into the river, he saw a long stick, shaped like a spear, and rose it out from the water, he saw the slippery little aqua-creatures flow through the water gracefully, he then raised his stick and stroked it down on two fish caught in the middle. He smiled a little and brought the dead fishes upon the surface, and then turned around to San; where she had already built a small blaze among some woods.

“I thought you need fire.” San said quite cheekily, but Ashitaka smiled back.

They then sat by the fire, watching the flames dance with the cool breeze and their breakfasts cooking.

“It should be ready now.” Ashitaka confirmed as he picked up the stick carrying their dead but delicious fish. He broke the stick in half and passed one half carrying one fish to San, and the other he kept to himself. San then let her teeth dig into the crispy scales and chewed on the warm white insides.

“It's lovely.” San commented sitting next to Ashitaka.

“I'm glad you enjoy it.” He replied back, as they tucked into their strange, yet satisfactory breakfast.

“Do you remember me giving you pre-chewed meat.” San questioned Ashitaka.

“I'm afraid so, you have to give it to me mouth-to-mouth and I cried.” San chuckled as Ashitaka humorously answered her question.

“Why did you cry?” San then asked him in a firm but flexible tone.

“I don't know…I just did.” Ashitaka sighed a little and then finished off his fish. San did the same but still kept that thought in her head. They then chucked the sticks to one side and put the fire out with some water from the river. They left the fire to die out a little and looked at the sky, and saw a grey mist coming up ahead.

“What's that?” San rose up. And then she saw a flutter of feathers swooping down to her, and saw a flock of graceful cranes dive down onto her.

“Birds!” She started to panic as the flock leaped pass her and Ashitaka's body, He backed down a little as then San accidentally fallen onto his chest, and when Ashitaka tried to save her from her fall, he accidentally touched her breast again, with San lingering her head over his shoulder.

San felt his contact; it was warm, smooth, pleasant. But she then started to flush in her cheeks with slight embarrassment. Ashitaka did the same as he kept looking at the sky, but he then manage to get San upright again.

“Are you alright San?”

“Yes, I'm fine thank you.” He reassured her as she crossed her arms together. Her sight started to darken a little, as the sinister familiar child's voice came back to linger over her mind.

“I bet he enjoyed that; having a good grope whilst he still can.”

“He's not like that! Ashitaka is a respectable man!” San argued back within her mind.

“What's wrong with you? You use to kill humans on sight. You must have turned weak and defenseless.”

“I am still strong! And I don't need you with me!”

“Really? Because I think I need to come back; to finish off what you couldn't the night you met him. Let me take his life. Let me cut his throat with his own sword!”

“Shut up!”

“San what's wrong?” Ashitaka asked San worryingly, as she returned from her nightmarish liaison with the intruder.

“Nani mo nai…

nothing -

…I just feel hot under the sun.” Ashitaka then looked around the meadow, and then saw the golden blanket of meadow merge into luscious green clouds of bushes, with a small clear blue waterfall, with a small lucid blue pool nearby.

“What about over there?” Ashitaka pointed out to this mysteriously mirage-like pool.

They soon reached over there, where there was also the shade of the boulders and bushes. San and Ashitaka both came into the pool with their feet bare and the bodies light.

“Wow! This water is amazingly cool!” San enlightened as the frosty fresh water ripples just above her ankles. She sifted her hair from her face as she dazzled at the wave of her reflection; showing off her painted wolf marks and her pinkish white face.

“San?” Ashitaka called out, she turned around and a handful of water got splashed on her face. “Did that cool you down?” Ashitaka chuckled a little as San looked at him quite confused and angrily, but she then turned her head forward and grew a saccharine smile on her face. She then turned back to Ashitaka and forcibly pushed Ashitaka full on that made him fall into the pool. He sat his wet body up with the water dripping off his face.

“Did that cool you down?” San asked with glee, and then laughed out with amusement and cheerfulness, with Ashitaka looking up at her with a quite irate look upon his face. He suddenly grabbed San by the ankles and pulled them towards him that made her collapse the water all covered and soaked as well as he was.

“That was not fair!” San growled at Ashitaka.

“We're both even now!” He growled back. They then rose back up and stared at each ferociously, and then they started to kick and splash water at each other. They both grunted heavily as they were both getting splattered by this light blue fluid. Then Ashitaka began to sprint towards San, and grabbed her wrists quite gently, he smiled at her and she couldn't help but laugh. She was then forced into the deeper end of the pool where the water came up to her abdomen. She then kicked heaps of water onto Ashitaka but he still carried on pushing her.

“Ashitaka!” San gasped as she felt the adrenaline rush of Ashitaka splashing her about. She then let loose of her wrists and smacked some water onto his face, and tried to push forward against his shoulders. She succeeded a little but then Ashitaka tickled the side of her waist which made San jerk.

“Ashitaka stop!” She laughed as she resumed getting pushed into the pool, she looked from behind and saw that she was about to get pushed in the waterfall. “No Ashitaka! That's…” she couldn't stop giggling “…that's enough! I'm already wet!” Ashitaka still kept on pushing her and pushing. San then reached to the cascade and the falls started to lapse onto her. San ruptured out laughing with excitement, as she grabbed her hands onto the side of the rocks to try to stop the mischievous Ashitaka pushing her in even further. San then managed to pull herself out from the falls and then lashed herself on Ashitaka that made him fall back into the deep end. San still had her upper body above the surface as she wondered above the ground.

“Ashitaka?” she called out. “Ashitaka, where are you hiding? You know I will find you!” she daringly shouted out. Ashitaka wasn't noticed by San when he swam below the surface and came up close to her legs from behind. He swam pass them until his shoulders touched them. San then felt his contact and looked down through the water. But then Ashitaka lifted her out from the water and placed her weight on his shoulders with San sitting on them. San wobbled a little but then gained back control as Ashitaka tried to stand up right. “There you are!” she chortled at him, as he tried to walk steadily as he could. But the weight of San couldn't be controlled as they both collapsed into the water again. Yet they managed to rise back up quickly, only this time with San being held behind Ashitaka's back and her legs being held by him. San wrapped her arms around the nape of Ashitaka's neck and laid her head upon his, nevertheless the dampness of his hair. Ashitaka beamed again, but then loss control again deliberately and fell into the water over, and over, again. But the laughs still continued.

Later on, Ashitaka and San's clothes were left out spread across some boulders upon the sun's heat. Then out in the background came a sneeze from San.

“We can't go anywhere else with our clothes wet.” Ashitaka assured her.

“True.” She replied. They were both fully naked and stripped but sat facing back to back from each other with their arms crossed on the dry land. San looked quite sad later on whilst sitting behind Ashitaka, like there was something that she wanted to say to Ashitaka, so she turned around and faced him.

“Ashitaka?” He turned his head around slowly and then unintentionally looked at San and her feminine features on her body. He immediately turned red and looked away. “I had the most fun today.”

“Don't be absurd; you must have had more fun with your family.”

“Yes but…I've never had so much enjoyment with a human…” Ashitaka looked down with a bit of depression too. “…a lovable friend at that.” He then looked up and started to gaze. San then laid her head on his shoulder and rested her eyes a little. Ashitaka just let her rest a little as he kept on looking at the scenery.

It was then nearly twilight, and Ashitaka and San carried on walking side by side with their clothes on finally and saw the rainbow sky flourish in the atmosphere, they then reached upon a small hill and saw outcast a deep navy ocean out ahead, with a dark flaxen shore.

“We've reached the sea?” Ashitaka asked.

“That's a sea?” San questioned him.

“Yes, you've never seen a sea before?”

“No.” Ashitaka looked at her with some pity. “But it looks beautiful.” San quietly finished her sentence. They then sat down among the long jade grass and watched the nightfall commence onto the sky, which then broke out the moonshine upon the land.

“It's now night, time must have flown today.”

“It must have.” Ashitaka replied to San as the moonlight reflected tenderly onto the sea. Moments have passed but then San looked at Ashitaka softly.

“Ashitaka, what do you want to do with me?” He then looked confusingly at San.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…is there anything you want to get off your chest? I know you feel something for me, but…are you ready to let it out?” He then shifted his body towards her and looked at her sensitively.

“There are many things I want to say to you but…I don't know if you'll accept me when I say it.” He then looked down with despair.

“Then show me your emotion.” He looked up at her again. “Show me, what you ant to show me.” San bravely stated to him.

Ashitaka then shifted his body closer to her, and place one of his hands on hers, and the other upon her face. He brought his face closer to hers and gently touched his cheek onto hers. The touch enticed both of their nerves to react with closing both of their eyes lightly, and he delicately raised his head up and down to feel the tender skin of San's. He then gradually lowered his head and breathed on San's neck. He came over to the front and quietly inhaled her natural scent of dew from the pool; he raised his head above to her face as San laid her head back to let rise up to her face, they were then cheek to cheek again. Ashitaka then brought his lips closer to hers as they nearly touched; the intensity of it drew them urging for something to happen. But then he stopped in his tracks and looked at San as they both opened their eyes.

“I'm sorry.” Ashitaka apologized as he sat back down in his place. “That was improper of me; I shouldn't have done that.” San then turned disappointed and poignant.

“That's ok.” She then turned her back against him and wiped away the tear she shed. Ashitaka finally felt that she needed something from him, so he went up closer to her behind her back, and wrapped his arms around San's waist and quietly inhaled more of her dewy scent. San let it happen as she knew what could happen next. Ashitaka then touched her face and turned it towards his. They both remained eye contact for a moment, and then they just stared out into the moonlight shimmering off the ocean.

Later on, they came back into the house. San already felt tired from the exciting day she had with Ashitaka, so she laid her body on the fur bed of her wolf's pelt with Ashitaka kneeling behind her.

“Do you think we had so much today.” San tiredly asked to him.

“I believe so.” He replied, as San slowly rested her eyes and loosened herself.

“San?” Ashitaka quietly asked, leaning his body closer to her, she silently hummed to him. “Even though we live in different worlds…do you think we can be together?” San quietly moaned back as she came up to the tip of her doze.

“San?” Ashitaka asked once more, with another tranquil whisper that came off San. And then he leaned his head closer to San's face, and looked at her with moonshine tenderness in his eyes, and his skin brightened at little from the stars shining through a window. “…Can I love you?” he whispered to San, and then gently gave her a small kiss on her cheek. He felt the warmness of her skin touch his lips, and then lifted his head to look at the sleeping San. Then a miniature whisper came from her.

“Ashitaka, can you stay with me tonight? It's cold.” Ashitaka then lifted his body from the ground and tenderly smiled down upon San, he then lay down on his back and let his eyes rest for another night.