Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Love Hina Fan Fiction / Mahou Sensei Negima! Fan Fiction ❯ Coming Home to Roost ❯ When You See It, You'll Shit Bricks ( Chapter 9 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: RangerShade 
Fatal Attraction is not a Metaphor.
Anime/Manga: Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Love Hina Fan Fiction / Mahou Sensei Negima! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Comedy / Martial Arts / Romance | Type: Crossover | Uploaded On: 10.12.2009 | Updated On: 10.14.2009 | Pages: 14 | Words: 10.1K | Visits: 2.3K | Status: Work In Progress
Fatal Attraction is not a Metaphor.
Anime/Manga: Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Love Hina Fan Fiction / Mahou Sensei Negima! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Comedy / Martial Arts / Romance | Type: Crossover | Uploaded On: 10.12.2009 | Updated On: 10.14.2009 | Pages: 14 | Words: 10.1K | Visits: 2.3K | Status: Work In Progress
Coming Home to Roost
by Shade
Disclaimer: Takahashi, Akamatsu, Tite Kubo and others own the characters used.
Warning: Strong Language, Suggestive Themes and a Sick Sense of Humor.
gSometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.h
-Terry Pratchett
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Chapter 9: When You See It, You'll Shit Bricks
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"You don't need to look so nervous, Sagara-san."
Mikihara's gentle rebuke failed to lighten the expression on their escort's face.
"I just feel underdressed, Ma'am."
"For the last time, Sousuke, Assault rifles are *NOT* part of formal dress attire!"
Kanami looked stunning in her evening dress. She would have been even more beautiful had she
not been giving the young man escorting her and her friends to dinner a baleful eye.
"Now now, Chidori. You just can't hit him with everyone watching."
Tokiwa made calming gestures to her friend, though she was inwardly amused at how Chidori
and Ren had both snagged the prime positions at either of Sagara's arms. And not, she mused tartly,
just to keep his hands away from whatever surprises he'd managed to smuggle in his rented suit.
The freckled girl had to admit that he did look surprisingly good in nice clothes and wouldn't
have minded having his personal escort herself given the chance.
But a single glance at the two beauties flanking him on either side was enough to tell Kyoko
that she'd have to literally fight for an opening if she really wanted it. For now it was better
to just tease her best friends a little.
"So what's the occasion? Anniversary?"
Chidori reddened.
"Actually, as a matter of fact, yes."
Both girls boggled at Ren.
"She is correct. Today it has been exactly one year since I have been assigned to this district."
Tokiwa kept her jaw from dropping through sheer willpower.
Kaname was in a similiar state of shock. Weren't guys supposed to be the ones who forgot these kinds of things?!
"Since it's such a special occasion I thought we should celebrate someplace special."
Kyoko and Chidori both looked around the entrance hall. Calling the Heart of Jade someplace special
to celebrate was a bit of an understatement. Neither girl had ever set foot in this place before
but it was quite obvious that serious money had been spent on just the furnishings alone.
Gods only knew what the inside would look like.
"Madame, your party's table is ready."
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They were currently on the fish course. Grilled trout with a light flavorful sauce which complimented the tender white flesh perfectly.
Ranma Saotome hardly noticed.
"..And then he came running out completely naked with Setsuna right on his heels swinging her sword after him!"
He just wanted to find a small corner to curl up in and die.
"....have seen him dangling from the rope trap in that frilly little dress."
It was a man's worst nightmare come true.
"Oh that's nothing, you should have seen the fuss he put up when...."
Family Bonding.
"Doesn't he look so cute! And this photo is after his first potty! He looks so proud!"
When his mother had pulled out the family album he'd finally covered his face with his hands and hung his head in complete defeat.
Bad enough his wives were telling his mother all of those embarrassing stories of things he'd wanted to remain forever hidden
from her or any other living soul.
But pulling out the baby pictures was just plain fighting dirty!
This must be what castration feels like, Ranma decided.
He lifted his head and got up from his seat.
"Where are you going?"
"Need to wash up a little bit."
"Don't take too long, they'll be serving the next course soon."
"Yes dear."
The young man trudged out of the dining room like a prisoner on the final walk to their execution.
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"There we go, some proper meat at last! None of this raw fish crap."
"Mr. President, we still need to inspect it first."
"But I'm starving! Man needs to keep up his strength, isn't that right cupcake?
"Tee hee! Of course, Decider in Chief!"
"Hah! Good one!"
"Sir, we have these procedures for your safety."
"Oh come on you guys, lighten up! What's a little bitty thing like this gonna do?
Poke me with the kitchen utensils? Gwahahahaha!! I crack me up, I do!!"
He was still guffawing when Xia Yu Lan picked up a flaming black iron skewer
full of sizzling beef and proceeded to ram it straight through his open eye.
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Ranma finished washing his hands and sighed as he let the hot air blower dry his hands.
It figured that a posh place like this didn't bother with paper towels. The sinks alone
probably cost more money then he'd ever seen in his entire life.
He couldn't avoid giving his mother a complete explanation forever, sooner or later she was going
to hold a sword to his throat (probably literally) to get the facts out of him. That is, if his wives
weren't already telling her themselves while he wasn't there. He was fairly certain that it hadn't
come up during their shopping spree due to the simple fact that Nodoka wasn't currently chasing him
with the family sword out and swinging.
The young man shivered. He'd faced some fairly skilled weapon wielders over the years and none of them
scared him as badly as his own mother. This was due mainly to the fact that she had absolutely no idea
how to use her blade correctly. Nothing terrifies the experienced professional so much as a total novice
that is completely unpredictable.
He heard faint popping sounds coming from somewhere above him.
Saotome swore softly but vehemently.
Most people would have mistaken that sound for fireworks.
But Ranma knew gunshots when he heard them.
'Oh Gods, who has Mana shot this time?!'
He hit the bathroom door at a run.
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As soon as Ranma had gone out of sight Nodoka Saotome's motherly mask of cheerful enjoyment instantly switched to a more serious expression.
"Well ladies, I would now appreciate the full story behind your relationship with my son."
The three women exchanged meaningful looks among themselves before turning back to meet Nodoka's expectant gaze.
"What do you want to know?"
Yoruichi's face would have made any professional poker player facing her fold right then and there.
However the Saotome matron was not going to be deterred this time.
"You three have been sidestepping my questions all afternoon. I am not a mushroom. Do not try to keep me in the dark and feed me bullshit!"
There was a gleam of admiration in Tsuruko's eyes at her mother-in-law's single minded tenacity.
"It's rather a long story."
"I have the time to listen."
Yoruichi scratched at her chin thoughtfully with a perfectly manicured nail.
"I suppose that I should start then as this all began with a friend of mine."
She eyed the pale Genma with a neutral expression on her mesmerizing features.
"For lack of a better word, he "designed" little Genma and a few others similar in nature to him."
Nodoka's eyes narrowed.
"Then that round little pill really is my husband?"
"Well, the part of him that makes him who he is at least."
"And this led to your involvement with Ranma," asked Nodoka, determined not to be sidetracked from her objective.
Whatever response the dark tanned beauty was going to make was interrupted by a series of muffled bangs coming from the floor overhead.
Mana cocked her head, her eyes suddenly alert and her entire body radiating a barely controlled tension.
"That sounds like .357 SIG rounds."
The young woman stopped as she realized that everyone else at the table was now staring at her.
Tatsumiya raised her hands defensively.
"I didn't do it!"
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The screams of the black woman that had been sitting in her target's lap were annoying Xia Yu Lan as she dispatched
the second Secret Service agent with the same bloody butcher knife that she'd killed the first one with. She left
the kitchen utensil buried deep in the side of his half severed neck as the short haired Chinese assassin plucked
his service weapon from its holster. Lan took out the last two agents in the room with individual headshots even
as she used the still collapsing body of her second victim as a shield against the fire of their own weapons.
A final shot ended the screaming permanently.
Loud footsteps and men yelling marked the arrival of more security making their way down the hall to the private dining room.
The young woman waited patiently, her newly acquired pistol held at ready.
She was rewarded by the sound of a submachine gun opening up to the accompaniment of screams and the sickening sound
of living humans being reduced to dead meat. A moment later her twin sister's voice crackled through her earpiece.
"First wave response has been eliminated. Proceed with Phase Two."
Xia Yu Lan found some spare clips in the jacket of one of the dead men and reloaded her weapon.
"Acknowledged."
The short haired woman removed her earpiece and dropped it to the ground, crushing it under one heel.
Then she was out of the room like a rocket.
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Ranma's feet seemed to develop wings when he heard the unmistakable song of a Heckler & Koch MP5 on full auto.
"Oh shit oh shit oh shit!!!"
He could only imagine what had happened to set his wife off like that. Had some drunk been suicidal enough
to try and grope her? Or one of those idiots like Kuno with more money then sense who couldn't understand
"no" as an answer? Where would he find enough room to dispose of the bodies?!
He nearly rammed into a large caucasian man in a dark suit tromping down the hallway.
The blonde's crisp clothes seemed to scream "security" as he too ran towards the sound
of the gunfire.
"Outta the way," screamed Ranma, raw panic in his voice as images of what
could be happening as the distant gun fell silent circling in his head.
"WHAT?!"
The Secret Service man made his first mistake.
He tried to grab the pigtailed boy.
The martial artist didn't bother with any niceties, he simply slammed a hard elbow into the taller man's ribcage.
"I said OUT OF MY WAY!!"
Then the gasping agent made his second mistake.
He went for his sidearm.
He had his hand on the grip when there was a sudden intense pressure on his wrist and then
agonizing white hot fire told the big man that his wrist had been neatly fractured.
"Why can't any of you idiots understand simple instructions," lamented Ranma as he high kicked the whitefaced agent
in the face to put him down for the count. As he did so two more similiarly dressed men appeared from one of the side entrances
further down the hall. They spotted him, saw the unconscious body at his feet, and then charged straight at him.
"GOD DAMN IT!!"
The young man ducked under the first man's straight punch, side stepped the second man's low kick and prepared
to deal with these obstacles in as fast a manner as possible when a pair of shots came from the end of the hall.
Blood and brains exploded outwards from the neat holes now in the middle of both mens' foreheads.
"Son of a bitch! I'm never gonna get the deposit back on this tux! Wait a second, you're not my wife!?"
He barely made it to the dubious safety of a side corridor ahead of the answering stream of bullets.
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"You don't suppose that Dumbass is involved with it, do you?"
Tsuruko, Mana and Yoruichi considered Soi Fon's question for a long moment with a thoughtful expression on their faces.
"...oh dear."
"...definitely."
"...every single time."
Almost as one, they stood up from their seats.
Genma knew exactly what to do in this situation.
He held up a large hand.
"Check please!"
Unfortunately this caught the attention of the entire dining room who turned to see what all the commotion was about.
"SHEVAC!!"
And then everything went to hell.
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Xia Yu Lan's normally emotionless expression cracked just enough for her to frown slightly.
This was an unexpected complication. She had not intended to leave behind any witnesses able to describe her
to the local authorities. The bombs that she and her sister had set in the kitchen and storerooms below
the restaurant's main floors would probably be sufficient to eliminate those remaining in the building.
But against someone able to dodge like that she wanted to personally confirm the kill, especially since
he'd gone down the same passage that was her designated escape route.
The pale skinned assassin listened for the boy's footsteps as she came around the wall in a blur of motion,
her pistol drawn and ready. There was nobody in sight along the hall, only a double hinged door swinging back
and forth at the far end of the corridor.
Her teeth pressed on her lower lip.
'Annoying.'
A sudden sensation of danger made her look up.
Steel blue eyes gleamed back at her from the direction of the ceiling.
She was already raising her weapon when a foot in a black dress shoe kicked it out of her hands.
The Chinese woman rolled backwards before the gun even hit the ground, drawing a curved kukri from an outer thigh sheath
above her white silk garters. She sprang forward like a cat, her blade swinging in a blur for his side. He pivoted
on his right heel and spun another kick that made red spikes of pain flare in her weapon hand as the large knife
buried itself tip first in the wall next to him.
Undaunted, she pulled out a second kukri from the outer holster on her other leg
and the backup blade resting on the inner thigh of her first leg.
The pigtailed stranger simply stared at her.
"You have *got* to be kidding me."
Lan said nothing, preferring to let her knives do the talking.
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The problem with most knife-fighters, Ranma knew, was that they didn't know what the heck they were doing. They usually tried
to stick it in and expected their victim to just stand there and get poked. A few of the more flashy idiots would wave them around
and end up more often then not hurting those around them rather then who they were trying to hit. That was why despite all of Mousse's
vast arsenal, the pigtailed martial artist had few concerns about facing his assorted hidden blades. The Chinese boy was very skilled,
but his moves were the end result of aiming at wooden targets and sparring without anything more then the risk of token bloodshed.
Only a few people really knew how to use a knife to its full potential against another human being.
Unfortunately, this girl seemed to be one of them.
He stepped back as she sent her left blade at him in a kind of curved spin that made point and edge waver between
one side and another. He arched his back and neck backwards as her follow up slash with the other knife changed
to a thrust with the flick of her wrist. Then he slid to his right, lifting his head and sucking in his stomach
to avoid being disemboweled by her first blade.
He hated fighting professionals. They never fought with honor. They just fought to win.
Case in point, against normal blades he might have considered risking a counterattack with the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken.
But if he tried it against those wicked things, he'd probably lose a couple of fingers. He didn't even bother trying to
throw any verbal quips at her, that almost never worked on an experienced assassin. He was better off saving his breath
for dodging.
He weaved in and out of strikes, giving ground one step at a time as he tried to find a way out of this mess.
Where was a little wooden table with a heavy glass lamp on it when you really needed one?
Ranma winced as his stiff tuxedo began to develop a resemblance to something that the ca-dog dragged in.
'Definitely going to have to forget about the deposit.'
Well, his wives were in the building. Could his battered masculinity survive the indignity of calling for help?
"HEY YOU! STOP RIGHT THERE OR WE'LL SHOOT!!"
Ranma said the only thing that he could in this situation.
"Fuck!"
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Chidori had just dipped her spoon into the soup when a commotion at
the other end of the room made her look to see what the noise was.
The next moment she found herself being pushed down to the floor by Sousuke as he yelled, "SHEVAC!!"
She was still moving from the stunned and confused stage to Sagara thrashing anger as Kyoko and Rin were
roughly shoved down next to her and the formally dressed young mercenary whipped out a sawed off shotgun
from somewhere around the small of his back.
"Do not worry Chidori, I will protect all of you with my life."
Kaname was still staring up at him with her mouth open when Sousuke knocked the heavy table down
in front of them as a shield and opened fire across the room.
No sooner had he gotten off the first round then Sagara was forced to duck as the return fire
blew shards of granite off of the top of the table. Screams rang out all around them and expensive
dishes began crashing to the floor as panicking patrons began to flee in every direction, knocking
down whatever was between them and a way out.
Sousuke flipped his shotgun over the top of the table and fired a blind shot in the direction of his opponent.
"Sousuke! What are you doing?! There are innocent people all around us!!"
Kaname had to shout to make herself heard now over the growing din of firearms being discharged, furniture
and furnishings being destroyed and on top of all that the shrieks and yells of fashionably dressed men and women
of wealth and taste turning into a mindless human stampede.
"There is no need for concern. I am using non-lethal ordnance," her MITHRIL appointed bodyguard assured her
in a calm tone as he expertly pumped another round into his weapon.
"That's not the point you idiot!!"
"You're right, Chidori."
This caused the furious young woman to stop in mid-shout.
"I am?"
"Yes, thank you for reminding me that my first priority is to ensure your safety."
If the circumstances hadn't been so serious, Kyoko would have laughed at the dumbfounded expression on her best friend's face.
"Sagara-san, what are you doing?"
The freckled girl turned around to see what Rin was talking about and froze.
The military otaku was pulling out several round metal balls with pins attached to their handles from under the cuffs of his long dark pants.
"Please tell me they're not what I think they are."
"Do not be alarmed, as this evening was to be spent in an enclosed environment I only brought smoke grenades. After
I throw them out into the center of the room, please proceed to exit the room and wait for me in a better secured area."
"Wait Sousuke! You can't use those things in here!! They'll-"
The blue haired girl's cry was just a few seconds too late.
Four green grenades bounced and tumbled along the restaurant's floor.
*WHOOMPH*
Thick clouds of choking black smoke suddenly drowned the room in an eye-watering haze.
*BWEEETBWEEETBWEEET*
A new ear piercing noise suddenly drowned out all of the other commotion.
Cold water began to spray from the ceiling like icy rain.
"...set off the fire alarm."
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Ranma and the mysterious short haired assassin held each other's gaze as their bodies remained locked in the middle of their interrupted battle,
each of them trying to decipher what the other was going to do next as behind Ranma the orders of the angry men grew louder and more heated.
"GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!!"
The sweating Saotome had the unhappy feeling that she was getting more out of him then he was from her own perfectly calm mask.
She might as well have been born with the Soul of Ice for all the emotion that she definitely was not showing.
A walkie talkie crackled.
"BIG CHIMP ONE IS DOWN!! I REPEAT, THE CHIMP IS DOWN!! RESPONSE TEAM ALPHA HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!"
One did not have to be a Ki master to sense the sudden rise in killing intent suddenly being focused on such an obvious target.
Something so subtle that it couldn't even be called communication passed between the eyes of the two combatants.
Ranma broke to the left at the same time that Xia Yu Lan dashed to the right.
Both did so barely a split second ahead of the bullet barrage that passed through where they had just been standing.
"GET THEM!!"
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"Kashim! You son of a bitch!!"
From where she sat behind a nearby overturned table, Tsuruko gave her upset co-wife an unreadable look.
"Mana dear, we really need to talk about this troubling tendency to bring your work home with you."
Behind her own table, Yoruichi was taking this whole turn of events fairly well. She'd had her priorities straight from
the very first gunshot and had managed to save quite a few delectable dishes from being dumped to the floor in all the
commotion. As long as the food lasted she wasn't really concerned about whatever minor conflict might be happening
around her. There weren't any weaklings in *this* family.
"So what happened to your elephant gun," the first wife asked between bites.
"I left it back at the apartment because I thought I was going to get lucky tonight!"
Nodoka Saotome seemed to accept these new circumstances with surprising calm.
"You know dear, except for the gunfire this rather reminds me of when we used to date."
Genma just nodded at her while he chewed. He too had had his priorities in order and brought his wife down to safety first, then gone after the food.
Soi Fon in the meantime was watching her mistress eat while trying not to break down from the soft buzzing coming from where she sat.
"Yoru-ichi-sama!"
The former commander of the Intelligence Division had not lost her special touch over the years.
And then some damn fool set off the sprinkler system with smoke grenades.
"Growf!"
Now it was personal.
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Ranma really was having a bad day.
"OOF," screamed his newest dance partner as the young man delivered three punches to the kidneys, cracked the instep
of the right foot with a solid stomp from his own foot and then finished the combo with an old fashioned rising headbutt
that splattered the solidly built man's nose with his rock hard forehead.
Whoever these guys were, they had some serious training. Not in martial arts, but in the even older art
of doing whatever it took to put the other guy down for the count. Damn body armor wasn't making this any
easier either, forcing him to employ moves that would have shocked and horrified anyone who thought that they
knew him in Nerima.
"AGGGH," cried out the man behind him as Saotome kicked the pistol in his hands in an upwards direction, breaking the fingers still holding it.
That still didn't stop him from throwing a kick back at the martial artist, who promptly did the splits and performed a double nutcracker
punch on both of his opponents. They toppled like very large trees to the floor.
This was why he'd wanted to stay in Nerima. At least over there when he hit somebody they had the grace to stay down after awhile. He didn't like hurting
others, sparring and fighting was fine but his sensitive soul always felt bad about inflicting anything more permanent then bruises and concussions.
Well, except for Kuno...and Hibiki, but they both could take the damage...and that Mikaido pervert had it coming to him and well as for Happosai,
that was practically an act of public service!
On the other side of the all he could hear the sickening sound of metal entering flesh and the groans and yells coming from where a bunch of the dark
suited figures were trying to take down the deadly girl. He might have felt some sympathy for them in their task if not for the fact that they'd
just tried to kill him too. From the ground he grabbed one of the fallen men and flipped him over to intercept the gunshots their companions sent
his way. The man screamed as blood gushed from new wounds in his legs.
Ranma used his legs to propel his improvised human shield at the shooters, forcing them to scramble out of the way as the screaming missile
flew through the air at them.
He was back on his feet and on them in a flash, stripping one pistol of its top and barrel and using throwing the metal at the second armed man's
face, making him duck instinctively. That was long enough for the pigtailed boy to throat chop the first shooter, sending the bigger man to his knees
choking and gagging. The martial artist seized the second man before he could raise his weapon again and prepared to take him out when the agent
suddenly gave a small sigh and slumped forward like a dead weight. Ranma released him as he fell and saw the quivering hilt of the knife jutting
out of his back. With an almost resigned certainty, Ranma looked up to the other side of hall.
Right down the barrel of the pistol being aimed directly at his head by the completely unscathed assassin standing in the middle of a lot of dead bodies.
This time he knew, dodging was out of the question. The black hole of the barrel seemed to be swallowing up his universe in that timeless moment.
She pulled the trigger.
*click*
They both looked at the gun. Then she looked at him.
Lan threw the empty pistol at him and started to run.
He had taken just two steps after her when the fire alarm went off and the sprinkler system burst into life.
"GOD DAMN IT!!"
Somebody was going to pay for this.
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The US Secret Service was the best that America had to offer.
They had the finest people, the best weapons and equipment that money could buy and a proud tradition
of almost never failing to do their job of keeping the most important man in the Free World alive.
Which was why they could perhaps be forgiven for being completely confused as to what was actually going on now.
"What's that? Was it a male assassin or a female assassin? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BOTH?"
"Where are they? Charlie Team says they're in the main dining room, but elements of Bravo Team reported they were in the corridors!"
"Fuck this shit! Just round everyone here up and we'll sort it all out later!!"
This met with general approval.
The operational remnants of Bravo team regrouped with Charlie Team's Tactical Division and prepared to storm the Dining Room.
Armored agents with riot shields smashed the two main doors of the room open and threw half a dozen flashbangs into the chaotic
swirl of smoke, raining water and flashes of gunfire coming from both sides of the large room.
"PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPONS AND SURRENDER!!"
There was a brief pause in the firefight as blinding light and ear-splitting noise filled the air.
Then both sides turned their fire on the Secret Service agents charging into the room.
This was not going to be America's finest hour.
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Xia Yu Lan hit the doors at a run with an angry and quite soaked Ranma Saotome hot on her heels.
The busty redhead lost sight of her quarry almost immediately in the thick black smoke and pouring water
that was interspersed with the horribly familiar sound of her third wive's favorite pistols being put to use.
She caught a momentary glimpse of Mana's form sliding through one of her gun katas as she fired in multiple directions
but lost her as the smoke concealed her shapely form again. Other people were firing too and the pigtailed girl was
certain that at least one idiot was using a shotgun in this confined area.
Ranma made a swift tactical command decision. Everyone in the room not related to her by blood or marriage was
going to get their ass kicked.
A large shape loomed out of the smoke next to her.
Her swift fist was caught by a paw.
"Pops! What the hell is going on here?!"
"Growf!"
She read the sign he held up.
'No idea. Just hit anyone you don't know.'
Panda and daughter both punched out and sent two confused agents that had appeared out the smoke next to them flying in opposite directions.
"Works for me."
And with that, Ranma Saotome entered the fight in earnest.
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Yoruichi was not happy.
Leaving aside the fact that she now had the pleasure of knowing three of the other four women present had not worn a bra this evening,
her food was now cold, soggy and ruined by all the water and the acrid smell of artificial smoke. Even worse, all that effort
put into her hair this afternoon was now completely shot to hell. The older woman made up her mind. This was Mana's mess and
a matter of the living world. She could stay and clean it up.
"Soi-fon, we're leaving."
"Yes, Yoruichi-sama!"
An unfortunate Secret Service man who had the sheer audacity to point a weapon in her direction discovered too late that
a butter knife had been jammed into the barrel when he pulled the trigger. But if he got sufficient medical attention in time
they'd probably be able to save all of his fingers.
She stretched her hands out together and aimed them at the nearest wall.
"Hado #58, Tenran!"
The plaster and glass exploded outward under the power of the cyclone gust while the agents and furniture that had been in the way
were flung aside in random directions. Cool night air blew in from the huge hole as the sounds of people screaming from the street
below also entered the room.
Tatsumiya appeared out of the dwindling smoke, her expensive black dress ripped all the way up to her hips on either side in order
to give her legs more freedom of movement. She was dueling with at least twelve different opponents at the same time. As one of them
drew a bead on her from behind a furious half-exposed redhead erupted out of the murky darkness at him.
"What the hell do you think you're trying to do to my wife!!"
The dark skinned woman grinned at the sound of bones breaking. She watched as Mana and their husband moved like syncronized machines,
covering each other's blind spots as they incapacitated their opponents by shooting out kneecaps and beating them unconscious. From
the other side of the room the instigator for the whole mess appeared to have his hands full as he was now employing his shotgun as
a club while pulling out a hold-out pistol that he used to great effect on the men trying to take him down.
Yoruichi saw that Genma had the same idea that she did as the great bulk of the Panda heaved his protesting wife over one shoulder
and leapt out into the night. Yes, that mod-soul had always had his priorities straight.
She also noticed that Tsuruko had joined her and the shivering Soifon, pausing only to kick off the tasteful but hindering shoes from her feet.
"Shall we go? I feel in need of a hot bath and a change of clothes."
The Shinigami nodded.
She yelled back to the still battling duo, "We're going on ahead home. Catch up with us later, Lovebirds!"
And then in a blur of movement, the three of them were gone.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"Manager! There's fighting in the main dining room! They say guests have been killed!"
"What?! Inconceivable!!"
The Heart of Jade's manager was a man whose entire world seemed to be crashing down around his ears.
He slammed open the big double doors to the kitchens, determined to rally his staff in this time of crisis.
Something large and heavy fell and knocked him flat on the cold floor.
The dazed short sighted man scrambled for his glasses and stuck them back on as he looked at the object that had hit him.
He read the label.
'Front toward enemy'
The manager was still trying to figure out what it meant when seventy pounds worth of claymore mines and C-4 blew up in his face.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
As Chidori Kaname hurried the other drenched girls out through emergency fire escape she hoped that Sousuke Sagara would survive the battle.
Because after all that had happened she wanted to be able to kill him personally.
That absolute violence obsessed I-D-I-O-T-!!!
"Come on, Chidori!"
A distant explosion from inside actually made the entire building rock for a moment, causing the long blue haired girl to slip and fall.
"Just go! I'll catch up to you!"
The sound of rapidly running feet coming closer made Kaname look back. Speak of the Devil....
"Sousuke!!"
The battle-scarred young MITHRIL agent emptied the last rounds in his second hold-out pistol down the hall
and then threw the empty weapon away as he ran towards his charge and her wide eyed friends.
"We need to evacuate the premises immediately, Chidori. I believe this entire place is rigged to blow."
Without even breaking his stride he scooped her up like a sack of meal
and carried her in his arms as he sprinted towards the exit.
"What did you say?"
She couldn't have heard him right. Kaname looked into his eyes.
"oh no."
They got out just ahead of the first series of explosions.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"Why does this always happen whenever we go somewhere nice to eat," Ranma Saotome bitched loudly to the uncaring ceiling
as she ran after Mana down a burning corridor, the floor behind them crumbling and collapsing as men screamed
and shouted behind them. Any thoughts of going out the same way as the rest of her family had ended when a fireball
from below had incinerated the area and people who had been standing right in front of the hole. After that it
had stopped being a firefight and more a matter of keeping away from the fire and sudden pitfalls opening up
all around the floor.
"Is one dinner uninterrupted by everyone trying to kill me so much to ask for?!"
The whole damn place was coming down now. Another chain of explosions from below told the pigtailed girl
that it would be a very good idea not to be inside this place in the immediate future.
Her wife halted in front of a dead end and jerked a thumb at the blank wall.
"This looks like your specialty, honey."
Ranma didn't even bother to argue with her. And at least this gave her an outlet for her venting.
"Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken!!"
Thirty seconds later, there was only an empty burning corridor with a large hole leading to the outside.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"Geh! I can't believe that jerk Mousse had that many kitchen sinks up his sleeves!!"
"Just be glad that Shampoo and Cologne got all of his attention."
Nabiki gingerly touched the rapidly darkening bruise over her left eye as she replied to her seething younger sister.
This was the first time anyone had ever dared strike her since elementary school. Duckboy was a dead man when she got back to Nerima.
She didn't know how Ranma had convinced him to switch sides and she really didn't care at this point. They were all going to pay.
Photos were just going to be the start. She would have video of those big titted cows up for the drooling masses to bid over
and no stupid warning from an idiot like Ranma was going to stop her!
"Are you sure this is the right place, Nabiki?"
The sudden hesitancy in Akane's voice brought Nabiki out of her fantasies of revenge and profit. For the first time she noticed the crowd
of people with cameras and broadcasting equipment that lined the street outside of a set perimeter guarded by several unsmiling
men in dark suits.
A sudden explosion overhead from the elegant building in front of them was really all the confirmation that she needed.
"What's that! It looks like a bear!!"
Of course, the sight of a large panda with a woman over his shoulder leaping
out of the resulting hole and off into the night was also a rather big clue too.
"Yes, I do believe this is the place."
That was good enough for Akane. With a roar she knocked men and women down left and right and shoved her way through the perimeter,
a full head of steam building inside of her as all of the day's humiliations ran through her head in an endless loop. Being blasted
into the air, her hair, the violation of the sanctity of her bedroom, her hair, that bitch's cheap trick with the coin, her hair,
being humiliated again in front of all of her peers by that bigamist and most important of all, they'd SHOT HER HAIR!!!
"You Jerk! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!"
Men in suits tried to stop her forward momentum. But Akane Tendo had spent several months learning how to deal
with guys trying to stop her at Furinkan High and the old skills came back easily to her muscles as she inflicted
grievious harm all out of proportion to her seemingly harmless appearance.
She was almost to the entrance when the building proper started to explode.
The force of the blast blew the youngest Tendo off of her feet and sent her flying backwards. As she struggled to get back up a second
round of loud explosions rumbled through the foundations which was in turn followed by a third wave that blew out windows in
every direction as the plume of heat and flame erupted up through floor after floor. An ominous rumbling sounded from the swaying
building as screaming people ran from the flaming holocaust.
"What's going on," screamed a deafened and dazed Akane.
With a final sigh of metal abused to the point of no return, the Heart of Jade collapsed in on itself.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"You're late, Sister."
"I was delayed by unforeseen circumstances."
"Were you seen?"
"Yes. There was a boy. I was not able to eliminate him."
"Teacher will not be pleased."
"It could not be helped. Kashim and Shevac were there as well."
"We must inform Teacher about this then. He is interested in Kashim's current activities."
"And Shevac?"
"We will see. Teacher may have other plans for her."
"The boy seemed to know her."
"Then perhaps his survival is not a total loss then."
"Yes, Sister."
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"Cough! Nabiki! Where are you?"
Akane Tendo struggled out of the rubble, gasping and coughing from the thick dust that filled the air.
This was all Ranma's fault, she knew it in her bones. She was going to give him such a kick when she found him!
"THERE SHE IS! IT'S THE OTHER ASSASSIN!!"
"Let me go!! You can't do this to me!! I know my rights-*ZAP*-AAAAUGHHH!!"
"Nabiki?!"
Akane managed to pull herself unsteadily to her feet. She saw that she was surrounded.
Well, it was no matter. She could beat them all, no problem.
"IT'S THE MAN GIRL ASSASSIN!! SUBDUE HER!!!"
The grimy short haired girl's eyes nearly popped out of her head with rage.
How dare they-
Dozens of painful little stings seemed to hit her from every direction.
*ZACK**ZAP*ZAP*ZZZZZZZTTTTT*
"GAAAAAAGHHH!!!!!"
The girl shrieked as thirty tasers pumped her full of enough juice to light up a large store.
"TAKE THEM AWAY! NOTIFY THE PRESS THAT WE CAUGHT THE ASSASSINS RESPONSIBLE FOR KILLING THE PRESIDENT
AND TELL THE AIR FORCE THAT WE NEED AN IMMEDIATE TRANSPORT TO GUANTANAMO BAY!!""
-End Chapter 9
OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE
-Omake by Lord Raa
Ranma, having returned from restrooms, noticed that Nodoka was smiling at his wives.
'Uh-oh, what's going on now?'
"Hmm..." Tsuruko mused.
"What's up, Tsuruko-chan?" Nodoka asked.
"I appreciate the images of Ranma-kun, but there's something lacking in these early photos."
"And what's that?" Mana asked.
"Well, I know that Ranma's grown up, but compare Nodoka-san's photos with these ones I bought,"
Tsuruko said as she pulled out half a dozen indecent images of Ranma.
All the colour drained from the cursed martial artist's face when he saw exactly what was going on the photos.
"Shit..."
"Is there something that youfd like to tell us, darling?" Yoruichi asked with a teasing grin on her features.
"I'm sure that you can explain just why you're chained up wearing nothing but baby oil."
"Olive oil," Ranma corrected. He winced when he felt the wives glared at him. "Pops said it was part of my training.
He wanted to make sure I could get out of pretty much any situation."
"Really?" Mana asked, her gold eyes darting to the topmost image and lingering over the details.
"Yes, it was so he could learn how to deal with extreme circumstances
and certainly wasn't because Ifd pimped him out for booze money," Genma replied.
Ranma facepalmed. "Pops, you idiot."
-Omake by Nanya
"There we go, some proper meat at last! None of this raw fish crap."
"Mr. President, we still need to inspect it first."
"But I'm starving! Man needs to keep up his strength, isn't that right cupcake?
"Tee hee! Of course, Decider in Chief!"
"Hah! Good one!"
"Sir, we have these procedures for your safety."
"If I don't get some meat right now, I'm going to resort to cannibalism and you're going to be the first on my list."
"...Yes sir, enjoy your meat sir."
-Omake by Jomasten
"Shevac!" Sousuke shouted.
"Kasim!" An angy voice that was NOT Mana's responded.
"Balalaika?!" Mana finally shouted.
"...Shevac?" Balalaika murmured.
"What the frick, Sis! What are you doing here?! Wait...Shevac!" Another female voice screamed.
Sousuke then shouted, "...Two-Hands?!"
It then degenerated to four of the most fearsome people in existence throwing accusatory voices using their names.
-Omake by Iddy
Xia Yu Lan was not having a good day. Well, to be honest, only the last five or ten minutes or so of her day had not been going well.
Granted, her primary mission had been completed, flawlessly as usual. A plan that had come together beautifully.
One that even her vaunted shi jie, her oh-so-beautiful, fierce, and absolutely perfect shi jie, would nod at
with that small smirk that sent absolutely glorious shivers down her spine and--
Back to the mission, Xia Yu Lan, back to the mission..
Everything had been going well until the ex-filtration.. And then he had shown up. Oh, how he was a thorn in her side.
Him with those graceful movements, and those fierce and determined eyes, much like her vaunted shi jie's piercing stare.
She knew what he was. He had Martial Artist written in his every movement. The way he took down
the Secret Service Agents with non-lethal blows spoke volumes on his mind frame and training.
But.
But she saw it. Only a few times, but she saw it. He had the experience of fighting for his life.
It was written into him on those rare moments he would use the Agents to intercept serious threats.
When he would use them to shield himself from the gunfire of their fellows. This was a man who knew
what it was like to fight, truly fight.
And damn it if this potentially glorious specimen of man wasn't damned good enough to fight her
to a standstill. Maybe more, had he found a way to counter her blades.
And, as she bolted back into the smoke filled main room through the waiter's door, searching for an alternate ex-filtration route,
the frustrating thoughts that Ranma Saotome caused in more than one woman froze in her mind as she came face to face with the barrel of a gun.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Mana Tatsumiya-Saotome was not having a good day. Well, to be honest, only the last five or ten minutes or so of her day had not been going well.
Granted, her primary mission had been mostly completed, flawlessly as usual. A plan that had come together beautifully.
One that even her fellow wives had been impressed with. One that brought a look, an oh-so-beautifully glorious look,
of absolute defeat and despair to her husband's face. The look of abject defeat, shoulders slumped, eyes so beaten down,
she could tell with just a glance that he would do anything he was commanded to. Those eyes sent absolutely glorious shivers
down her spine and--
Back to the mission, Mana Tatsumiya-Saotome, back to the mission..
Everything had been going well until her husband had gone off to the bathroom. And then it had happened.
The attention grabbing crack and pop of a Sig P229, in .357 SIG.
"That sounds like .357 SIG rounds."
It was such a pleasant sound, actually. A very respectable handgun, that one. Though the grip was just a bit too thick for her.
It tended to throw her finger placement off by just a few fractions of an inch. Made it hard to judge where the trigger wall was,
which made it more difficult to time the hammer dropping..
But, she knew what that sound meant, and that was far more important that her personal preferences.
It meant someone had done something to interrupt her night. She knew her fellow wives knew that too,
and looked over to see what they would do about it, though she had a pretty good idea already..
Coming face to face with the blank stares of everyone else at the table. Wait, she knew those looks.
She'd sent them at her husband more than once. Eyes widening, she raised her hands defensively.
"I didn't do it!"
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Mana knew that whatever was happening was bigger than she initially thought. The well dressed, but identically suited,
men that came pouring into the restaurant after the initial sounds of gunfire were more than just bodyguards,
more than just gun toting criminals.
They were like her. Professionals. They lived, breathed, dreamed, ate, and drank their work.
Granted, they weren't as good as she was, but there was a certain level of professional respect they were due, regardless.
The main difference, though? They were government. That meant bad, bad things for her new, and tentative, family.
She herself was well known in certain government circles. To be found here, where an attack on some government official,
and by skin color of the bodyguards a foreign one, had happened would raise difficult questions.
So, the mission of her night changed. She needed to get her family out of there. So she began clearing the path
to one of the dozen ex-filtration routes she had mapped out while being led to their table.
And, as she was nearing the swinging waiter's door that lead further into her route, it was nearly blasted off
of its hinges by the sprinting figure that barreled through it and almost directly into her.
Well, directly into Mana's gun barrel, at least.
Looking over the sights of her gun, but never down them at this close range, Mana Tatsumiya-Saotome
could do nothing as the thoughts of her husband's family froze in her mind.
Right before anger made its way to the front and she hissed out at the figure.
"Xia Yu Lan, what the hell are you doing?!
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Looking over the barrel of the gun in her face, Lan locked eyes with its wielder, and again her mind was frozen.
Those eyes! Those were her sempai's eyes! Those oh-so-beautiful, fierce, and absolutely perfect eyes
were already sending the first gloriously addictive shivers down her spine and-
"Xia Yu Lan, what the hell are you doing?!
Oh. Oh, hell. Oh, hell no!
Her sempai was here. Her shi jie was here!
That meant one thing. Whatever her shi jie had been planning for that night had just been ruined by her!
She wanted to cry. This was not good. Nothing enjoyable would come from this.
...Well, maybe afterwards. One could always hope?
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Mana, in her white hot rage of having her night ruined, reached out and did something uncharacteristic of her.
"OW!"
She grabbed Lan's ear in a white knuckled death grip and dragged the smaller girl nose-to-nose,
with the barrel of her gun digging into the underside of Lan's chin.
"You are going to come with me right *now* and you *will* explain this. And you and your sister,
whom damn well *better* be listening, will have a sufficient explanation or you will *regret it
with every fiber of your souls.*"
"...yes, shi jie."
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Ranma walked out of the bathroom and into the living room, drying the last of water off his face
and let the towel hang around his neck, as he surveyed those present. One of the twins,
he wasn't sure which, was glaring at him. Much like Soi Fon always did....
After a moment of silent contemplating, he spoke.
"So, let me get this straight. You, Mana, have two...Uh, kouhais? Which are these two?"
A single nod.
"And you two just ruined our first night out because you assassinated some government official?"
Two reluctant nods, and one glare answered.
"...Alright, done. Not dealing with this. Nope, no way."
Turning and heading upstairs to his bedroom, he paused as he heard multiple shuffles.
"...I'm going to bed. Alone."
He was sure three pouts answered that one.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
What Ranma didn't know was three pouts weren't the answer to that last one.
It was four.
And a blush.
Xia Yu Fan stared absolutely horrified at her younger sisters blushing pout.
"LAN! How could you! He's the one who took shi jie away from us!
We agreed that Mana-shi jie was the only one we ever needed!"
Twirling her thumbs together, Lan did not look to her sister from where her gaze was locked
at the top of the stairs, missing the now interested gaze of the four older married women in the room.
"Yeah, but.. You didn't see the way he moved, Fan. It was amazing..
And his eyes...When those Agents opened fire...It was like looking at shi jie's eyes!"
Lan quickly glanced at her sister before looking at the ground, an even more intense blush on her face.
"...and did you just see he ass? Oh my god, it was perfect!"
Fan's eyes shriveled down into pinpricks of horror as she stared at her sister, frozen at the absolute blasphemy she had just spoken.
Only to be broken out of it as she snapped her head to stare at Yoruichi in equal parts terror and embarrassment as she spoke.
"Damn you, Tatsumiya! How the hell did you find TWO?! I thought I was ahead of the game with Soi Fon!"
Turning, Yoruichi snapped a pointing hand at Soi Fon, who was just as mortified as Fan was.
"You! Serve your mistress properly and go find your long lost bisexual twin! Now, damn it!"
Mana only looked on, smirking at Yoruichi smugly. 'Good luck, girl. This one is my win!
by Shade
Disclaimer: Takahashi, Akamatsu, Tite Kubo and others own the characters used.
Warning: Strong Language, Suggestive Themes and a Sick Sense of Humor.
gSometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.h
-Terry Pratchett
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Chapter 9: When You See It, You'll Shit Bricks
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"You don't need to look so nervous, Sagara-san."
Mikihara's gentle rebuke failed to lighten the expression on their escort's face.
"I just feel underdressed, Ma'am."
"For the last time, Sousuke, Assault rifles are *NOT* part of formal dress attire!"
Kanami looked stunning in her evening dress. She would have been even more beautiful had she
not been giving the young man escorting her and her friends to dinner a baleful eye.
"Now now, Chidori. You just can't hit him with everyone watching."
Tokiwa made calming gestures to her friend, though she was inwardly amused at how Chidori
and Ren had both snagged the prime positions at either of Sagara's arms. And not, she mused tartly,
just to keep his hands away from whatever surprises he'd managed to smuggle in his rented suit.
The freckled girl had to admit that he did look surprisingly good in nice clothes and wouldn't
have minded having his personal escort herself given the chance.
But a single glance at the two beauties flanking him on either side was enough to tell Kyoko
that she'd have to literally fight for an opening if she really wanted it. For now it was better
to just tease her best friends a little.
"So what's the occasion? Anniversary?"
Chidori reddened.
"Actually, as a matter of fact, yes."
Both girls boggled at Ren.
"She is correct. Today it has been exactly one year since I have been assigned to this district."
Tokiwa kept her jaw from dropping through sheer willpower.
Kaname was in a similiar state of shock. Weren't guys supposed to be the ones who forgot these kinds of things?!
"Since it's such a special occasion I thought we should celebrate someplace special."
Kyoko and Chidori both looked around the entrance hall. Calling the Heart of Jade someplace special
to celebrate was a bit of an understatement. Neither girl had ever set foot in this place before
but it was quite obvious that serious money had been spent on just the furnishings alone.
Gods only knew what the inside would look like.
"Madame, your party's table is ready."
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
They were currently on the fish course. Grilled trout with a light flavorful sauce which complimented the tender white flesh perfectly.
Ranma Saotome hardly noticed.
"..And then he came running out completely naked with Setsuna right on his heels swinging her sword after him!"
He just wanted to find a small corner to curl up in and die.
"....have seen him dangling from the rope trap in that frilly little dress."
It was a man's worst nightmare come true.
"Oh that's nothing, you should have seen the fuss he put up when...."
Family Bonding.
"Doesn't he look so cute! And this photo is after his first potty! He looks so proud!"
When his mother had pulled out the family album he'd finally covered his face with his hands and hung his head in complete defeat.
Bad enough his wives were telling his mother all of those embarrassing stories of things he'd wanted to remain forever hidden
from her or any other living soul.
But pulling out the baby pictures was just plain fighting dirty!
This must be what castration feels like, Ranma decided.
He lifted his head and got up from his seat.
"Where are you going?"
"Need to wash up a little bit."
"Don't take too long, they'll be serving the next course soon."
"Yes dear."
The young man trudged out of the dining room like a prisoner on the final walk to their execution.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"There we go, some proper meat at last! None of this raw fish crap."
"Mr. President, we still need to inspect it first."
"But I'm starving! Man needs to keep up his strength, isn't that right cupcake?
"Tee hee! Of course, Decider in Chief!"
"Hah! Good one!"
"Sir, we have these procedures for your safety."
"Oh come on you guys, lighten up! What's a little bitty thing like this gonna do?
Poke me with the kitchen utensils? Gwahahahaha!! I crack me up, I do!!"
He was still guffawing when Xia Yu Lan picked up a flaming black iron skewer
full of sizzling beef and proceeded to ram it straight through his open eye.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Ranma finished washing his hands and sighed as he let the hot air blower dry his hands.
It figured that a posh place like this didn't bother with paper towels. The sinks alone
probably cost more money then he'd ever seen in his entire life.
He couldn't avoid giving his mother a complete explanation forever, sooner or later she was going
to hold a sword to his throat (probably literally) to get the facts out of him. That is, if his wives
weren't already telling her themselves while he wasn't there. He was fairly certain that it hadn't
come up during their shopping spree due to the simple fact that Nodoka wasn't currently chasing him
with the family sword out and swinging.
The young man shivered. He'd faced some fairly skilled weapon wielders over the years and none of them
scared him as badly as his own mother. This was due mainly to the fact that she had absolutely no idea
how to use her blade correctly. Nothing terrifies the experienced professional so much as a total novice
that is completely unpredictable.
He heard faint popping sounds coming from somewhere above him.
Saotome swore softly but vehemently.
Most people would have mistaken that sound for fireworks.
But Ranma knew gunshots when he heard them.
'Oh Gods, who has Mana shot this time?!'
He hit the bathroom door at a run.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
As soon as Ranma had gone out of sight Nodoka Saotome's motherly mask of cheerful enjoyment instantly switched to a more serious expression.
"Well ladies, I would now appreciate the full story behind your relationship with my son."
The three women exchanged meaningful looks among themselves before turning back to meet Nodoka's expectant gaze.
"What do you want to know?"
Yoruichi's face would have made any professional poker player facing her fold right then and there.
However the Saotome matron was not going to be deterred this time.
"You three have been sidestepping my questions all afternoon. I am not a mushroom. Do not try to keep me in the dark and feed me bullshit!"
There was a gleam of admiration in Tsuruko's eyes at her mother-in-law's single minded tenacity.
"It's rather a long story."
"I have the time to listen."
Yoruichi scratched at her chin thoughtfully with a perfectly manicured nail.
"I suppose that I should start then as this all began with a friend of mine."
She eyed the pale Genma with a neutral expression on her mesmerizing features.
"For lack of a better word, he "designed" little Genma and a few others similar in nature to him."
Nodoka's eyes narrowed.
"Then that round little pill really is my husband?"
"Well, the part of him that makes him who he is at least."
"And this led to your involvement with Ranma," asked Nodoka, determined not to be sidetracked from her objective.
Whatever response the dark tanned beauty was going to make was interrupted by a series of muffled bangs coming from the floor overhead.
Mana cocked her head, her eyes suddenly alert and her entire body radiating a barely controlled tension.
"That sounds like .357 SIG rounds."
The young woman stopped as she realized that everyone else at the table was now staring at her.
Tatsumiya raised her hands defensively.
"I didn't do it!"
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
The screams of the black woman that had been sitting in her target's lap were annoying Xia Yu Lan as she dispatched
the second Secret Service agent with the same bloody butcher knife that she'd killed the first one with. She left
the kitchen utensil buried deep in the side of his half severed neck as the short haired Chinese assassin plucked
his service weapon from its holster. Lan took out the last two agents in the room with individual headshots even
as she used the still collapsing body of her second victim as a shield against the fire of their own weapons.
A final shot ended the screaming permanently.
Loud footsteps and men yelling marked the arrival of more security making their way down the hall to the private dining room.
The young woman waited patiently, her newly acquired pistol held at ready.
She was rewarded by the sound of a submachine gun opening up to the accompaniment of screams and the sickening sound
of living humans being reduced to dead meat. A moment later her twin sister's voice crackled through her earpiece.
"First wave response has been eliminated. Proceed with Phase Two."
Xia Yu Lan found some spare clips in the jacket of one of the dead men and reloaded her weapon.
"Acknowledged."
The short haired woman removed her earpiece and dropped it to the ground, crushing it under one heel.
Then she was out of the room like a rocket.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Ranma's feet seemed to develop wings when he heard the unmistakable song of a Heckler & Koch MP5 on full auto.
"Oh shit oh shit oh shit!!!"
He could only imagine what had happened to set his wife off like that. Had some drunk been suicidal enough
to try and grope her? Or one of those idiots like Kuno with more money then sense who couldn't understand
"no" as an answer? Where would he find enough room to dispose of the bodies?!
He nearly rammed into a large caucasian man in a dark suit tromping down the hallway.
The blonde's crisp clothes seemed to scream "security" as he too ran towards the sound
of the gunfire.
"Outta the way," screamed Ranma, raw panic in his voice as images of what
could be happening as the distant gun fell silent circling in his head.
"WHAT?!"
The Secret Service man made his first mistake.
He tried to grab the pigtailed boy.
The martial artist didn't bother with any niceties, he simply slammed a hard elbow into the taller man's ribcage.
"I said OUT OF MY WAY!!"
Then the gasping agent made his second mistake.
He went for his sidearm.
He had his hand on the grip when there was a sudden intense pressure on his wrist and then
agonizing white hot fire told the big man that his wrist had been neatly fractured.
"Why can't any of you idiots understand simple instructions," lamented Ranma as he high kicked the whitefaced agent
in the face to put him down for the count. As he did so two more similiarly dressed men appeared from one of the side entrances
further down the hall. They spotted him, saw the unconscious body at his feet, and then charged straight at him.
"GOD DAMN IT!!"
The young man ducked under the first man's straight punch, side stepped the second man's low kick and prepared
to deal with these obstacles in as fast a manner as possible when a pair of shots came from the end of the hall.
Blood and brains exploded outwards from the neat holes now in the middle of both mens' foreheads.
"Son of a bitch! I'm never gonna get the deposit back on this tux! Wait a second, you're not my wife!?"
He barely made it to the dubious safety of a side corridor ahead of the answering stream of bullets.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"You don't suppose that Dumbass is involved with it, do you?"
Tsuruko, Mana and Yoruichi considered Soi Fon's question for a long moment with a thoughtful expression on their faces.
"...oh dear."
"...definitely."
"...every single time."
Almost as one, they stood up from their seats.
Genma knew exactly what to do in this situation.
He held up a large hand.
"Check please!"
Unfortunately this caught the attention of the entire dining room who turned to see what all the commotion was about.
"SHEVAC!!"
And then everything went to hell.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Xia Yu Lan's normally emotionless expression cracked just enough for her to frown slightly.
This was an unexpected complication. She had not intended to leave behind any witnesses able to describe her
to the local authorities. The bombs that she and her sister had set in the kitchen and storerooms below
the restaurant's main floors would probably be sufficient to eliminate those remaining in the building.
But against someone able to dodge like that she wanted to personally confirm the kill, especially since
he'd gone down the same passage that was her designated escape route.
The pale skinned assassin listened for the boy's footsteps as she came around the wall in a blur of motion,
her pistol drawn and ready. There was nobody in sight along the hall, only a double hinged door swinging back
and forth at the far end of the corridor.
Her teeth pressed on her lower lip.
'Annoying.'
A sudden sensation of danger made her look up.
Steel blue eyes gleamed back at her from the direction of the ceiling.
She was already raising her weapon when a foot in a black dress shoe kicked it out of her hands.
The Chinese woman rolled backwards before the gun even hit the ground, drawing a curved kukri from an outer thigh sheath
above her white silk garters. She sprang forward like a cat, her blade swinging in a blur for his side. He pivoted
on his right heel and spun another kick that made red spikes of pain flare in her weapon hand as the large knife
buried itself tip first in the wall next to him.
Undaunted, she pulled out a second kukri from the outer holster on her other leg
and the backup blade resting on the inner thigh of her first leg.
The pigtailed stranger simply stared at her.
"You have *got* to be kidding me."
Lan said nothing, preferring to let her knives do the talking.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
The problem with most knife-fighters, Ranma knew, was that they didn't know what the heck they were doing. They usually tried
to stick it in and expected their victim to just stand there and get poked. A few of the more flashy idiots would wave them around
and end up more often then not hurting those around them rather then who they were trying to hit. That was why despite all of Mousse's
vast arsenal, the pigtailed martial artist had few concerns about facing his assorted hidden blades. The Chinese boy was very skilled,
but his moves were the end result of aiming at wooden targets and sparring without anything more then the risk of token bloodshed.
Only a few people really knew how to use a knife to its full potential against another human being.
Unfortunately, this girl seemed to be one of them.
He stepped back as she sent her left blade at him in a kind of curved spin that made point and edge waver between
one side and another. He arched his back and neck backwards as her follow up slash with the other knife changed
to a thrust with the flick of her wrist. Then he slid to his right, lifting his head and sucking in his stomach
to avoid being disemboweled by her first blade.
He hated fighting professionals. They never fought with honor. They just fought to win.
Case in point, against normal blades he might have considered risking a counterattack with the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken.
But if he tried it against those wicked things, he'd probably lose a couple of fingers. He didn't even bother trying to
throw any verbal quips at her, that almost never worked on an experienced assassin. He was better off saving his breath
for dodging.
He weaved in and out of strikes, giving ground one step at a time as he tried to find a way out of this mess.
Where was a little wooden table with a heavy glass lamp on it when you really needed one?
Ranma winced as his stiff tuxedo began to develop a resemblance to something that the ca-dog dragged in.
'Definitely going to have to forget about the deposit.'
Well, his wives were in the building. Could his battered masculinity survive the indignity of calling for help?
"HEY YOU! STOP RIGHT THERE OR WE'LL SHOOT!!"
Ranma said the only thing that he could in this situation.
"Fuck!"
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Chidori had just dipped her spoon into the soup when a commotion at
the other end of the room made her look to see what the noise was.
The next moment she found herself being pushed down to the floor by Sousuke as he yelled, "SHEVAC!!"
She was still moving from the stunned and confused stage to Sagara thrashing anger as Kyoko and Rin were
roughly shoved down next to her and the formally dressed young mercenary whipped out a sawed off shotgun
from somewhere around the small of his back.
"Do not worry Chidori, I will protect all of you with my life."
Kaname was still staring up at him with her mouth open when Sousuke knocked the heavy table down
in front of them as a shield and opened fire across the room.
No sooner had he gotten off the first round then Sagara was forced to duck as the return fire
blew shards of granite off of the top of the table. Screams rang out all around them and expensive
dishes began crashing to the floor as panicking patrons began to flee in every direction, knocking
down whatever was between them and a way out.
Sousuke flipped his shotgun over the top of the table and fired a blind shot in the direction of his opponent.
"Sousuke! What are you doing?! There are innocent people all around us!!"
Kaname had to shout to make herself heard now over the growing din of firearms being discharged, furniture
and furnishings being destroyed and on top of all that the shrieks and yells of fashionably dressed men and women
of wealth and taste turning into a mindless human stampede.
"There is no need for concern. I am using non-lethal ordnance," her MITHRIL appointed bodyguard assured her
in a calm tone as he expertly pumped another round into his weapon.
"That's not the point you idiot!!"
"You're right, Chidori."
This caused the furious young woman to stop in mid-shout.
"I am?"
"Yes, thank you for reminding me that my first priority is to ensure your safety."
If the circumstances hadn't been so serious, Kyoko would have laughed at the dumbfounded expression on her best friend's face.
"Sagara-san, what are you doing?"
The freckled girl turned around to see what Rin was talking about and froze.
The military otaku was pulling out several round metal balls with pins attached to their handles from under the cuffs of his long dark pants.
"Please tell me they're not what I think they are."
"Do not be alarmed, as this evening was to be spent in an enclosed environment I only brought smoke grenades. After
I throw them out into the center of the room, please proceed to exit the room and wait for me in a better secured area."
"Wait Sousuke! You can't use those things in here!! They'll-"
The blue haired girl's cry was just a few seconds too late.
Four green grenades bounced and tumbled along the restaurant's floor.
*WHOOMPH*
Thick clouds of choking black smoke suddenly drowned the room in an eye-watering haze.
*BWEEETBWEEETBWEEET*
A new ear piercing noise suddenly drowned out all of the other commotion.
Cold water began to spray from the ceiling like icy rain.
"...set off the fire alarm."
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Ranma and the mysterious short haired assassin held each other's gaze as their bodies remained locked in the middle of their interrupted battle,
each of them trying to decipher what the other was going to do next as behind Ranma the orders of the angry men grew louder and more heated.
"GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!!"
The sweating Saotome had the unhappy feeling that she was getting more out of him then he was from her own perfectly calm mask.
She might as well have been born with the Soul of Ice for all the emotion that she definitely was not showing.
A walkie talkie crackled.
"BIG CHIMP ONE IS DOWN!! I REPEAT, THE CHIMP IS DOWN!! RESPONSE TEAM ALPHA HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!"
One did not have to be a Ki master to sense the sudden rise in killing intent suddenly being focused on such an obvious target.
Something so subtle that it couldn't even be called communication passed between the eyes of the two combatants.
Ranma broke to the left at the same time that Xia Yu Lan dashed to the right.
Both did so barely a split second ahead of the bullet barrage that passed through where they had just been standing.
"GET THEM!!"
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"Kashim! You son of a bitch!!"
From where she sat behind a nearby overturned table, Tsuruko gave her upset co-wife an unreadable look.
"Mana dear, we really need to talk about this troubling tendency to bring your work home with you."
Behind her own table, Yoruichi was taking this whole turn of events fairly well. She'd had her priorities straight from
the very first gunshot and had managed to save quite a few delectable dishes from being dumped to the floor in all the
commotion. As long as the food lasted she wasn't really concerned about whatever minor conflict might be happening
around her. There weren't any weaklings in *this* family.
"So what happened to your elephant gun," the first wife asked between bites.
"I left it back at the apartment because I thought I was going to get lucky tonight!"
Nodoka Saotome seemed to accept these new circumstances with surprising calm.
"You know dear, except for the gunfire this rather reminds me of when we used to date."
Genma just nodded at her while he chewed. He too had had his priorities in order and brought his wife down to safety first, then gone after the food.
Soi Fon in the meantime was watching her mistress eat while trying not to break down from the soft buzzing coming from where she sat.
"Yoru-ichi-sama!"
The former commander of the Intelligence Division had not lost her special touch over the years.
And then some damn fool set off the sprinkler system with smoke grenades.
"Growf!"
Now it was personal.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Ranma really was having a bad day.
"OOF," screamed his newest dance partner as the young man delivered three punches to the kidneys, cracked the instep
of the right foot with a solid stomp from his own foot and then finished the combo with an old fashioned rising headbutt
that splattered the solidly built man's nose with his rock hard forehead.
Whoever these guys were, they had some serious training. Not in martial arts, but in the even older art
of doing whatever it took to put the other guy down for the count. Damn body armor wasn't making this any
easier either, forcing him to employ moves that would have shocked and horrified anyone who thought that they
knew him in Nerima.
"AGGGH," cried out the man behind him as Saotome kicked the pistol in his hands in an upwards direction, breaking the fingers still holding it.
That still didn't stop him from throwing a kick back at the martial artist, who promptly did the splits and performed a double nutcracker
punch on both of his opponents. They toppled like very large trees to the floor.
This was why he'd wanted to stay in Nerima. At least over there when he hit somebody they had the grace to stay down after awhile. He didn't like hurting
others, sparring and fighting was fine but his sensitive soul always felt bad about inflicting anything more permanent then bruises and concussions.
Well, except for Kuno...and Hibiki, but they both could take the damage...and that Mikaido pervert had it coming to him and well as for Happosai,
that was practically an act of public service!
On the other side of the all he could hear the sickening sound of metal entering flesh and the groans and yells coming from where a bunch of the dark
suited figures were trying to take down the deadly girl. He might have felt some sympathy for them in their task if not for the fact that they'd
just tried to kill him too. From the ground he grabbed one of the fallen men and flipped him over to intercept the gunshots their companions sent
his way. The man screamed as blood gushed from new wounds in his legs.
Ranma used his legs to propel his improvised human shield at the shooters, forcing them to scramble out of the way as the screaming missile
flew through the air at them.
He was back on his feet and on them in a flash, stripping one pistol of its top and barrel and using throwing the metal at the second armed man's
face, making him duck instinctively. That was long enough for the pigtailed boy to throat chop the first shooter, sending the bigger man to his knees
choking and gagging. The martial artist seized the second man before he could raise his weapon again and prepared to take him out when the agent
suddenly gave a small sigh and slumped forward like a dead weight. Ranma released him as he fell and saw the quivering hilt of the knife jutting
out of his back. With an almost resigned certainty, Ranma looked up to the other side of hall.
Right down the barrel of the pistol being aimed directly at his head by the completely unscathed assassin standing in the middle of a lot of dead bodies.
This time he knew, dodging was out of the question. The black hole of the barrel seemed to be swallowing up his universe in that timeless moment.
She pulled the trigger.
*click*
They both looked at the gun. Then she looked at him.
Lan threw the empty pistol at him and started to run.
He had taken just two steps after her when the fire alarm went off and the sprinkler system burst into life.
"GOD DAMN IT!!"
Somebody was going to pay for this.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
The US Secret Service was the best that America had to offer.
They had the finest people, the best weapons and equipment that money could buy and a proud tradition
of almost never failing to do their job of keeping the most important man in the Free World alive.
Which was why they could perhaps be forgiven for being completely confused as to what was actually going on now.
"What's that? Was it a male assassin or a female assassin? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BOTH?"
"Where are they? Charlie Team says they're in the main dining room, but elements of Bravo Team reported they were in the corridors!"
"Fuck this shit! Just round everyone here up and we'll sort it all out later!!"
This met with general approval.
The operational remnants of Bravo team regrouped with Charlie Team's Tactical Division and prepared to storm the Dining Room.
Armored agents with riot shields smashed the two main doors of the room open and threw half a dozen flashbangs into the chaotic
swirl of smoke, raining water and flashes of gunfire coming from both sides of the large room.
"PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPONS AND SURRENDER!!"
There was a brief pause in the firefight as blinding light and ear-splitting noise filled the air.
Then both sides turned their fire on the Secret Service agents charging into the room.
This was not going to be America's finest hour.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Xia Yu Lan hit the doors at a run with an angry and quite soaked Ranma Saotome hot on her heels.
The busty redhead lost sight of her quarry almost immediately in the thick black smoke and pouring water
that was interspersed with the horribly familiar sound of her third wive's favorite pistols being put to use.
She caught a momentary glimpse of Mana's form sliding through one of her gun katas as she fired in multiple directions
but lost her as the smoke concealed her shapely form again. Other people were firing too and the pigtailed girl was
certain that at least one idiot was using a shotgun in this confined area.
Ranma made a swift tactical command decision. Everyone in the room not related to her by blood or marriage was
going to get their ass kicked.
A large shape loomed out of the smoke next to her.
Her swift fist was caught by a paw.
"Pops! What the hell is going on here?!"
"Growf!"
She read the sign he held up.
'No idea. Just hit anyone you don't know.'
Panda and daughter both punched out and sent two confused agents that had appeared out the smoke next to them flying in opposite directions.
"Works for me."
And with that, Ranma Saotome entered the fight in earnest.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Yoruichi was not happy.
Leaving aside the fact that she now had the pleasure of knowing three of the other four women present had not worn a bra this evening,
her food was now cold, soggy and ruined by all the water and the acrid smell of artificial smoke. Even worse, all that effort
put into her hair this afternoon was now completely shot to hell. The older woman made up her mind. This was Mana's mess and
a matter of the living world. She could stay and clean it up.
"Soi-fon, we're leaving."
"Yes, Yoruichi-sama!"
An unfortunate Secret Service man who had the sheer audacity to point a weapon in her direction discovered too late that
a butter knife had been jammed into the barrel when he pulled the trigger. But if he got sufficient medical attention in time
they'd probably be able to save all of his fingers.
She stretched her hands out together and aimed them at the nearest wall.
"Hado #58, Tenran!"
The plaster and glass exploded outward under the power of the cyclone gust while the agents and furniture that had been in the way
were flung aside in random directions. Cool night air blew in from the huge hole as the sounds of people screaming from the street
below also entered the room.
Tatsumiya appeared out of the dwindling smoke, her expensive black dress ripped all the way up to her hips on either side in order
to give her legs more freedom of movement. She was dueling with at least twelve different opponents at the same time. As one of them
drew a bead on her from behind a furious half-exposed redhead erupted out of the murky darkness at him.
"What the hell do you think you're trying to do to my wife!!"
The dark skinned woman grinned at the sound of bones breaking. She watched as Mana and their husband moved like syncronized machines,
covering each other's blind spots as they incapacitated their opponents by shooting out kneecaps and beating them unconscious. From
the other side of the room the instigator for the whole mess appeared to have his hands full as he was now employing his shotgun as
a club while pulling out a hold-out pistol that he used to great effect on the men trying to take him down.
Yoruichi saw that Genma had the same idea that she did as the great bulk of the Panda heaved his protesting wife over one shoulder
and leapt out into the night. Yes, that mod-soul had always had his priorities straight.
She also noticed that Tsuruko had joined her and the shivering Soifon, pausing only to kick off the tasteful but hindering shoes from her feet.
"Shall we go? I feel in need of a hot bath and a change of clothes."
The Shinigami nodded.
She yelled back to the still battling duo, "We're going on ahead home. Catch up with us later, Lovebirds!"
And then in a blur of movement, the three of them were gone.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"Manager! There's fighting in the main dining room! They say guests have been killed!"
"What?! Inconceivable!!"
The Heart of Jade's manager was a man whose entire world seemed to be crashing down around his ears.
He slammed open the big double doors to the kitchens, determined to rally his staff in this time of crisis.
Something large and heavy fell and knocked him flat on the cold floor.
The dazed short sighted man scrambled for his glasses and stuck them back on as he looked at the object that had hit him.
He read the label.
'Front toward enemy'
The manager was still trying to figure out what it meant when seventy pounds worth of claymore mines and C-4 blew up in his face.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
As Chidori Kaname hurried the other drenched girls out through emergency fire escape she hoped that Sousuke Sagara would survive the battle.
Because after all that had happened she wanted to be able to kill him personally.
That absolute violence obsessed I-D-I-O-T-!!!
"Come on, Chidori!"
A distant explosion from inside actually made the entire building rock for a moment, causing the long blue haired girl to slip and fall.
"Just go! I'll catch up to you!"
The sound of rapidly running feet coming closer made Kaname look back. Speak of the Devil....
"Sousuke!!"
The battle-scarred young MITHRIL agent emptied the last rounds in his second hold-out pistol down the hall
and then threw the empty weapon away as he ran towards his charge and her wide eyed friends.
"We need to evacuate the premises immediately, Chidori. I believe this entire place is rigged to blow."
Without even breaking his stride he scooped her up like a sack of meal
and carried her in his arms as he sprinted towards the exit.
"What did you say?"
She couldn't have heard him right. Kaname looked into his eyes.
"oh no."
They got out just ahead of the first series of explosions.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"Why does this always happen whenever we go somewhere nice to eat," Ranma Saotome bitched loudly to the uncaring ceiling
as she ran after Mana down a burning corridor, the floor behind them crumbling and collapsing as men screamed
and shouted behind them. Any thoughts of going out the same way as the rest of her family had ended when a fireball
from below had incinerated the area and people who had been standing right in front of the hole. After that it
had stopped being a firefight and more a matter of keeping away from the fire and sudden pitfalls opening up
all around the floor.
"Is one dinner uninterrupted by everyone trying to kill me so much to ask for?!"
The whole damn place was coming down now. Another chain of explosions from below told the pigtailed girl
that it would be a very good idea not to be inside this place in the immediate future.
Her wife halted in front of a dead end and jerked a thumb at the blank wall.
"This looks like your specialty, honey."
Ranma didn't even bother to argue with her. And at least this gave her an outlet for her venting.
"Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken!!"
Thirty seconds later, there was only an empty burning corridor with a large hole leading to the outside.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"Geh! I can't believe that jerk Mousse had that many kitchen sinks up his sleeves!!"
"Just be glad that Shampoo and Cologne got all of his attention."
Nabiki gingerly touched the rapidly darkening bruise over her left eye as she replied to her seething younger sister.
This was the first time anyone had ever dared strike her since elementary school. Duckboy was a dead man when she got back to Nerima.
She didn't know how Ranma had convinced him to switch sides and she really didn't care at this point. They were all going to pay.
Photos were just going to be the start. She would have video of those big titted cows up for the drooling masses to bid over
and no stupid warning from an idiot like Ranma was going to stop her!
"Are you sure this is the right place, Nabiki?"
The sudden hesitancy in Akane's voice brought Nabiki out of her fantasies of revenge and profit. For the first time she noticed the crowd
of people with cameras and broadcasting equipment that lined the street outside of a set perimeter guarded by several unsmiling
men in dark suits.
A sudden explosion overhead from the elegant building in front of them was really all the confirmation that she needed.
"What's that! It looks like a bear!!"
Of course, the sight of a large panda with a woman over his shoulder leaping
out of the resulting hole and off into the night was also a rather big clue too.
"Yes, I do believe this is the place."
That was good enough for Akane. With a roar she knocked men and women down left and right and shoved her way through the perimeter,
a full head of steam building inside of her as all of the day's humiliations ran through her head in an endless loop. Being blasted
into the air, her hair, the violation of the sanctity of her bedroom, her hair, that bitch's cheap trick with the coin, her hair,
being humiliated again in front of all of her peers by that bigamist and most important of all, they'd SHOT HER HAIR!!!
"You Jerk! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!"
Men in suits tried to stop her forward momentum. But Akane Tendo had spent several months learning how to deal
with guys trying to stop her at Furinkan High and the old skills came back easily to her muscles as she inflicted
grievious harm all out of proportion to her seemingly harmless appearance.
She was almost to the entrance when the building proper started to explode.
The force of the blast blew the youngest Tendo off of her feet and sent her flying backwards. As she struggled to get back up a second
round of loud explosions rumbled through the foundations which was in turn followed by a third wave that blew out windows in
every direction as the plume of heat and flame erupted up through floor after floor. An ominous rumbling sounded from the swaying
building as screaming people ran from the flaming holocaust.
"What's going on," screamed a deafened and dazed Akane.
With a final sigh of metal abused to the point of no return, the Heart of Jade collapsed in on itself.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"You're late, Sister."
"I was delayed by unforeseen circumstances."
"Were you seen?"
"Yes. There was a boy. I was not able to eliminate him."
"Teacher will not be pleased."
"It could not be helped. Kashim and Shevac were there as well."
"We must inform Teacher about this then. He is interested in Kashim's current activities."
"And Shevac?"
"We will see. Teacher may have other plans for her."
"The boy seemed to know her."
"Then perhaps his survival is not a total loss then."
"Yes, Sister."
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"Cough! Nabiki! Where are you?"
Akane Tendo struggled out of the rubble, gasping and coughing from the thick dust that filled the air.
This was all Ranma's fault, she knew it in her bones. She was going to give him such a kick when she found him!
"THERE SHE IS! IT'S THE OTHER ASSASSIN!!"
"Let me go!! You can't do this to me!! I know my rights-*ZAP*-AAAAUGHHH!!"
"Nabiki?!"
Akane managed to pull herself unsteadily to her feet. She saw that she was surrounded.
Well, it was no matter. She could beat them all, no problem.
"IT'S THE MAN GIRL ASSASSIN!! SUBDUE HER!!!"
The grimy short haired girl's eyes nearly popped out of her head with rage.
How dare they-
Dozens of painful little stings seemed to hit her from every direction.
*ZACK**ZAP*ZAP*ZZZZZZZTTTTT*
"GAAAAAAGHHH!!!!!"
The girl shrieked as thirty tasers pumped her full of enough juice to light up a large store.
"TAKE THEM AWAY! NOTIFY THE PRESS THAT WE CAUGHT THE ASSASSINS RESPONSIBLE FOR KILLING THE PRESIDENT
AND TELL THE AIR FORCE THAT WE NEED AN IMMEDIATE TRANSPORT TO GUANTANAMO BAY!!""
-End Chapter 9
OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE
-Omake by Lord Raa
Ranma, having returned from restrooms, noticed that Nodoka was smiling at his wives.
'Uh-oh, what's going on now?'
"Hmm..." Tsuruko mused.
"What's up, Tsuruko-chan?" Nodoka asked.
"I appreciate the images of Ranma-kun, but there's something lacking in these early photos."
"And what's that?" Mana asked.
"Well, I know that Ranma's grown up, but compare Nodoka-san's photos with these ones I bought,"
Tsuruko said as she pulled out half a dozen indecent images of Ranma.
All the colour drained from the cursed martial artist's face when he saw exactly what was going on the photos.
"Shit..."
"Is there something that youfd like to tell us, darling?" Yoruichi asked with a teasing grin on her features.
"I'm sure that you can explain just why you're chained up wearing nothing but baby oil."
"Olive oil," Ranma corrected. He winced when he felt the wives glared at him. "Pops said it was part of my training.
He wanted to make sure I could get out of pretty much any situation."
"Really?" Mana asked, her gold eyes darting to the topmost image and lingering over the details.
"Yes, it was so he could learn how to deal with extreme circumstances
and certainly wasn't because Ifd pimped him out for booze money," Genma replied.
Ranma facepalmed. "Pops, you idiot."
-Omake by Nanya
"There we go, some proper meat at last! None of this raw fish crap."
"Mr. President, we still need to inspect it first."
"But I'm starving! Man needs to keep up his strength, isn't that right cupcake?
"Tee hee! Of course, Decider in Chief!"
"Hah! Good one!"
"Sir, we have these procedures for your safety."
"If I don't get some meat right now, I'm going to resort to cannibalism and you're going to be the first on my list."
"...Yes sir, enjoy your meat sir."
-Omake by Jomasten
"Shevac!" Sousuke shouted.
"Kasim!" An angy voice that was NOT Mana's responded.
"Balalaika?!" Mana finally shouted.
"...Shevac?" Balalaika murmured.
"What the frick, Sis! What are you doing here?! Wait...Shevac!" Another female voice screamed.
Sousuke then shouted, "...Two-Hands?!"
It then degenerated to four of the most fearsome people in existence throwing accusatory voices using their names.
-Omake by Iddy
Xia Yu Lan was not having a good day. Well, to be honest, only the last five or ten minutes or so of her day had not been going well.
Granted, her primary mission had been completed, flawlessly as usual. A plan that had come together beautifully.
One that even her vaunted shi jie, her oh-so-beautiful, fierce, and absolutely perfect shi jie, would nod at
with that small smirk that sent absolutely glorious shivers down her spine and--
Back to the mission, Xia Yu Lan, back to the mission..
Everything had been going well until the ex-filtration.. And then he had shown up. Oh, how he was a thorn in her side.
Him with those graceful movements, and those fierce and determined eyes, much like her vaunted shi jie's piercing stare.
She knew what he was. He had Martial Artist written in his every movement. The way he took down
the Secret Service Agents with non-lethal blows spoke volumes on his mind frame and training.
But.
But she saw it. Only a few times, but she saw it. He had the experience of fighting for his life.
It was written into him on those rare moments he would use the Agents to intercept serious threats.
When he would use them to shield himself from the gunfire of their fellows. This was a man who knew
what it was like to fight, truly fight.
And damn it if this potentially glorious specimen of man wasn't damned good enough to fight her
to a standstill. Maybe more, had he found a way to counter her blades.
And, as she bolted back into the smoke filled main room through the waiter's door, searching for an alternate ex-filtration route,
the frustrating thoughts that Ranma Saotome caused in more than one woman froze in her mind as she came face to face with the barrel of a gun.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Mana Tatsumiya-Saotome was not having a good day. Well, to be honest, only the last five or ten minutes or so of her day had not been going well.
Granted, her primary mission had been mostly completed, flawlessly as usual. A plan that had come together beautifully.
One that even her fellow wives had been impressed with. One that brought a look, an oh-so-beautifully glorious look,
of absolute defeat and despair to her husband's face. The look of abject defeat, shoulders slumped, eyes so beaten down,
she could tell with just a glance that he would do anything he was commanded to. Those eyes sent absolutely glorious shivers
down her spine and--
Back to the mission, Mana Tatsumiya-Saotome, back to the mission..
Everything had been going well until her husband had gone off to the bathroom. And then it had happened.
The attention grabbing crack and pop of a Sig P229, in .357 SIG.
"That sounds like .357 SIG rounds."
It was such a pleasant sound, actually. A very respectable handgun, that one. Though the grip was just a bit too thick for her.
It tended to throw her finger placement off by just a few fractions of an inch. Made it hard to judge where the trigger wall was,
which made it more difficult to time the hammer dropping..
But, she knew what that sound meant, and that was far more important that her personal preferences.
It meant someone had done something to interrupt her night. She knew her fellow wives knew that too,
and looked over to see what they would do about it, though she had a pretty good idea already..
Coming face to face with the blank stares of everyone else at the table. Wait, she knew those looks.
She'd sent them at her husband more than once. Eyes widening, she raised her hands defensively.
"I didn't do it!"
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Mana knew that whatever was happening was bigger than she initially thought. The well dressed, but identically suited,
men that came pouring into the restaurant after the initial sounds of gunfire were more than just bodyguards,
more than just gun toting criminals.
They were like her. Professionals. They lived, breathed, dreamed, ate, and drank their work.
Granted, they weren't as good as she was, but there was a certain level of professional respect they were due, regardless.
The main difference, though? They were government. That meant bad, bad things for her new, and tentative, family.
She herself was well known in certain government circles. To be found here, where an attack on some government official,
and by skin color of the bodyguards a foreign one, had happened would raise difficult questions.
So, the mission of her night changed. She needed to get her family out of there. So she began clearing the path
to one of the dozen ex-filtration routes she had mapped out while being led to their table.
And, as she was nearing the swinging waiter's door that lead further into her route, it was nearly blasted off
of its hinges by the sprinting figure that barreled through it and almost directly into her.
Well, directly into Mana's gun barrel, at least.
Looking over the sights of her gun, but never down them at this close range, Mana Tatsumiya-Saotome
could do nothing as the thoughts of her husband's family froze in her mind.
Right before anger made its way to the front and she hissed out at the figure.
"Xia Yu Lan, what the hell are you doing?!
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Looking over the barrel of the gun in her face, Lan locked eyes with its wielder, and again her mind was frozen.
Those eyes! Those were her sempai's eyes! Those oh-so-beautiful, fierce, and absolutely perfect eyes
were already sending the first gloriously addictive shivers down her spine and-
"Xia Yu Lan, what the hell are you doing?!
Oh. Oh, hell. Oh, hell no!
Her sempai was here. Her shi jie was here!
That meant one thing. Whatever her shi jie had been planning for that night had just been ruined by her!
She wanted to cry. This was not good. Nothing enjoyable would come from this.
...Well, maybe afterwards. One could always hope?
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Mana, in her white hot rage of having her night ruined, reached out and did something uncharacteristic of her.
"OW!"
She grabbed Lan's ear in a white knuckled death grip and dragged the smaller girl nose-to-nose,
with the barrel of her gun digging into the underside of Lan's chin.
"You are going to come with me right *now* and you *will* explain this. And you and your sister,
whom damn well *better* be listening, will have a sufficient explanation or you will *regret it
with every fiber of your souls.*"
"...yes, shi jie."
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Ranma walked out of the bathroom and into the living room, drying the last of water off his face
and let the towel hang around his neck, as he surveyed those present. One of the twins,
he wasn't sure which, was glaring at him. Much like Soi Fon always did....
After a moment of silent contemplating, he spoke.
"So, let me get this straight. You, Mana, have two...Uh, kouhais? Which are these two?"
A single nod.
"And you two just ruined our first night out because you assassinated some government official?"
Two reluctant nods, and one glare answered.
"...Alright, done. Not dealing with this. Nope, no way."
Turning and heading upstairs to his bedroom, he paused as he heard multiple shuffles.
"...I'm going to bed. Alone."
He was sure three pouts answered that one.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
What Ranma didn't know was three pouts weren't the answer to that last one.
It was four.
And a blush.
Xia Yu Fan stared absolutely horrified at her younger sisters blushing pout.
"LAN! How could you! He's the one who took shi jie away from us!
We agreed that Mana-shi jie was the only one we ever needed!"
Twirling her thumbs together, Lan did not look to her sister from where her gaze was locked
at the top of the stairs, missing the now interested gaze of the four older married women in the room.
"Yeah, but.. You didn't see the way he moved, Fan. It was amazing..
And his eyes...When those Agents opened fire...It was like looking at shi jie's eyes!"
Lan quickly glanced at her sister before looking at the ground, an even more intense blush on her face.
"...and did you just see he ass? Oh my god, it was perfect!"
Fan's eyes shriveled down into pinpricks of horror as she stared at her sister, frozen at the absolute blasphemy she had just spoken.
Only to be broken out of it as she snapped her head to stare at Yoruichi in equal parts terror and embarrassment as she spoke.
"Damn you, Tatsumiya! How the hell did you find TWO?! I thought I was ahead of the game with Soi Fon!"
Turning, Yoruichi snapped a pointing hand at Soi Fon, who was just as mortified as Fan was.
"You! Serve your mistress properly and go find your long lost bisexual twin! Now, damn it!"
Mana only looked on, smirking at Yoruichi smugly. 'Good luck, girl. This one is my win!