Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Reluctant Bet (2nd Labor) ❯ Day Spa ( Chapter 2 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

segment 2: Ichi Koo Park

The air cracked open in a swirling vortex and three people stepped out.

"JAPAN! AT LAST!" A girl with long brown hair started kissing the ground.

"Is Japan, but is right Japan?" The Chinese girl frowned, not wanting to get her hopes up. "Not forget strange worlds we end up in."

"Well, if Ukyo had just believed me to begin with instead of needing a damn demonstration!" Grey grumbled at the implication.

"Stupid Genma," this was punctuated by the sound of Shampoo kicking a discarded Pocari Sweat can. "Is all stupid panda's fault!"

"YEAH!" Ukyo growled, back on a familiar subject.

"Well, if he's got any sense at all, he won't mess with any of us." Grey thought it likely that Genma would show up before the timeline got fixed. When it did though, all he had to do was keep things from getting too badly out of alignment and Ranma would be retroed back and none of this would have happened. So why not have some fun while he was at it?

"That right, Ranma. You tell stupid panda-man."

"You said it, Ranma honey. Though it's *my* turn to beat on Genma."

"Let's go get him. You say stupid panda in Nerima, yes?"

"No, we're not going to visit the Tendos."

"But Ranma, it is a matter of honor." Ukyo argued. "It isn't fair to leave them hanging. We ought to go visit and explain the situation. They might be reasonable."

"Shampoo agree. Want to see place for self."

"I disagree. I don't think they'll be reasonable. And *i am NOT Ranma!*"

"Whatever you say, Ranchan."

"Shampoo think Ranma need therapy. Come back to Village and get!"

"Well, at least Ryoga's happy," Grey said, turning his eyes heavenward. "And with Rin Rin and Ran Ran married to him, they won't be appearing again. So that's three people happy."

"Shampoo think Ryoga not be happy no matter what do, but glad to see those two get married to strong fighter." Shampoo had seen the boy stumble into the village and accidently knock her two cousins out. Ah, young love! "Shampoo hope that Ryoga get over himself. It not so bad he have two wives who very enthusiastic."

"So, what *do* we do?" Ukyo wasn't sure but it sounded to her as if this guy would turn into the real Ranma. That meant sticking next to the big fella. There hadn't been time to sort out his story. Yet.

"Back to Village?"

"How about down to Kansai?"

"Well, this isn't a crossover universe, so I can't go to Juuban and hook up with the Senshi or Okayama and the Masaki Shrine. Nekomi Tech is out as well. Gateway is out. i don't want to screw over this timeline *too* much, so that means staying in Japan. Kobe i'm familiar with but it's got some unpleasant memories. Shampoo's gonna have trouble with a lot of the less cosmopolitan areas due to the Japanese racism being particularly focussed against Chinese. Unless..."

"Airen have idea?"

"We could disguise you as an American. A lot of Japanese have anti-American sentiments, particularly depending on whatever the TV's 'talking heads' are spewing that day, but they still give Americans a lot more latitude than Chinese." Setting his ever-present pack down, Grey started rummaging around within it. "And i ain't your Airen. That's Ranma."

"Whatcha looking for, Ranchan?"

"Synaptic teacher. Got it for a mission i was involved in back when my skin wasn't artifical covering over a cybernetic framework. Here it is. And i'm NOT Ranchan." Grey drew out a small flat case, which he opened and withdrew a metal bandaid and a "pennyroll" of flat discs. He stuck one of the discs onto the bandaid. "Here ya go, Shampoo."

Shampoo looked at the offered device curiously but made no move to touch it. "What do?"

"Basic datapak that came with the gadget. American style English, customs, and basics of four other languages. Unfortunately those languages are: French, Spanish, Russian, and Norse. None of which are gonna be of use here."

Shampoo looked a bit distrustfully at the device.

"Oh for crying out loud," Ukyo said and picked it up, eager to show off how brave she was in front of Shampoo. They'd quickly settled into a sort of rivalry. It hadn't exploded yet, as the *real* Ranma was still off someplace. "How do you use it?"

"Just set it flush against your forehead, AFTER you sit down." Grey made a motion towards one of the benches near the fountain.

Ukyo sat down, gave a smug look to Shampoo, and put the device against her forehead. Then blinked and seemed to go to sleep.

"Is Spatula girl OK?" Shampoo reached out to poke the other girl.

"Yeah, it'll take about five minutes to run the program though. And her name is Ukyo. Stop being needlessly insulting, Shampoo, it'll make things easier all around."

"If say so." Shampoo kept her doubts to herself. She took a seat next to Ukyo and fidgeted for about minute. "Can Shampoo ride horse while wait?"

The cyborg sighed and reached into his vest. "Yeah, i suppose he needs the exercise anyway. And there ain't anyone around to watch. Here!"

Shampoo accepted the white and red sphere with a child's glee. "Ponyta, Shampoo choose you!"

A white horse with a mane of flame appeared from the sphere in a flash of energy. It neighed and nuzzled the Amazon who hugged the horselike creature back. "Shampoo so happy see Ponyta again!"

The cyborg shook his head at the Amazon riding the horse around the fountain and along the park's pathways. Squeals of glee coming from the girl as her mount leapt over benches, fountain, and just about anything else the creature could handle. From some of the startled sounds, the park wasn't as empty as he'd thought.

Ukyo made a noise deep in her throat and came to about the time that Shampoo made a third circuit of the park. "Damn. That was something. What's going on?"

"While you were out, Shampoo wanted to play with Ponyta." Grey watched as the two took off at a gallop. "Y'know, i may just have to give her that pokeball. The two of them get along entirely too well."

"Y'got that right, sugar." Ukyo looked up to see an unfamiliar looking plane pass overhead. "Uhm, I don't think this is the right Japan after all."

"Yeah, tech level's too high. Got to be at least 24th century standards." Grey nodded. "Plus, that statue in the fountain is of the Chinese Armada conquering Japan."

Ukyo blinked and wanted (as she had in the past three worlds) to study the local okonomiyaki restaurants to compare techniques. "Um, I hate to say I told you so."

"Actually, you *love* to tell me you told me so."

Sirens began to approach the park. "Shampoo! We've got to get going now." He continued in a quieter voice. "Y'know if you'd just accepted my flying or weapons system or secret compartment as evidence that i was telling the truth, i'd have never used the D-hopper."

"Hey, with a story like that, I needed some proof, sugar." Ukyo silently appended that she hadn't needed *quite* this much proof.

"You really think I ought to go to the Tendo dojo?"

"Yeah." Ukyo watched as Shampoo came charging up on the flame horse. "Let's go check out the mall, at least, I could use some food."

Grey agreed and motioned Shampoo to return Ponyta to his pokeball. Even if he couldn't eat regular food, the nutritional needs of his biological parts requiring only infrequent intake - and that of a particularly nasty tasting nutritional paste, he could still shop.

The three went down the street, looking over their surroundings for any number of supplies, when Shampoo exclaimed over a place called "Seraglio Spa - offering the finest beauty treatments in Japan."

"Hmmm. Maybe food can wait," said Ukyo speculatively. "Lemmee see your Universal Card."

"Hey! It's my Card, it won't work for you." Grey held a hand to his pocket defensively. The Universal Card was one of the most important gadgets of the Rival Relief Office, as the average worker of the RRO couldn't conjure things out of the air the way other agencies could. The Universal Card was something along the line of a phonecard. One had a certain amount of money assigned to a Card and one could put money aside to it, increasing the pool to draw on. Then one could spend it, the Card converting funds to whatever was used in the timeline/world one found oneself in. It was mindbogglingly useful, therefore something that everyone in the RRO figured would be taken away from them the moment people outside the agency learned about it.

"Well, then come in," Ukyo and Shampoo dragged the cyborg in.

"Shampoo has not had bath since we on Pokemon world, and stupid Butch and Cassidy interrupt THAT."

A woman in what looked alarmingly like a French Maid outfit looked up at the three entering. "Can I... help you?"

"Yeah," Ukyo glanced over the price list. What the heck, the stupid cyborg owed them for getting them lost in the timelines anyway. "Two for 'The Works' - go ahead and pay the girl."

"Uhm, about how long will this take?" asked Grey, nervously handing over the Card.

The clerk ran it through a slot and her eyes perceptibly widened. "About six hours..." She looked over Ukyo and Shampoo critically. "Make it a full day."

"WHOLE DAY?!" Shampoo was calmed by Ukyo putting her hand on the Amazon's shoulder.

"Relax, girl. This's obviously one of those places that really pamper you. Bathing, massage, washing your hair, manicure, pedicure," Ukyo smiled wistfully. "I've always heard about 'em but never had a chance to check 'em out before. Couldn't go there when I was disguised as a guy."

The clerk winced at the last comment. "All that and more. Very well, if you two will step this way."

Grey watched Ukyo and Shampoo vanish into the interior, wincing at how much this was probably costing him. The symbol next to the phrase "The Works" was neither a yen nor a dollar symbol. Instead it was a "V" with a diagonal line. Another strange monetary system. 850 whatever they were was probably going to impact his account significantly.

"Here's your claim chit, sir," the clerk said, handing a pair of plastic tabs to Grey. "Can I have your name for our records?"

"My name's Grey, though the two often refer to me as Ranma." Grey sighed. It *had* been awhile, and he guessed he couldn't fault them for wanting to get a rest break. "A day, huh? Well, I guess I'll check out a few things." Besides, maybe he could figure out how to get the D-hopper coordinates right.

"I just need a few further details. Role packages of the two?"

"Pardon me?" Grey blinked a few times in conclusion.

The clerk raised an eyebrow. "Their occupations? Besides the obvious?"

Grey didn't like what the clerk was implying but let it go. "They're both cooks and warriors. Ukyo is obsessed on okonomiyaki. Shampoo knows a lot about Chinese food, i think."

"Very good, sir." The clerk punched a few buttons on something like a fastfood cash register. "If you'll be back in 24 hours, we should have them both feeling like new."

"Hmmm? Nah, i'm just being paranoid. Well, go ahead. They deserve a break, i guess."

"Oh, hazardous conditions?" The clerk punched two more buttons.

Grey thought about life in Nerima. "Yeah, i guess so. Oh well, back to the war."

The clerk watched the big fellow go and shrugged. It wasn't her business.

-----------------------------

Grey hunkered down in the park they'd arrived in. He could go to "Standby Mode" and shut everything down except a surveillance routine. It would look like he'd fallen asleep, and his biological parts *would* be asleep, though the alarm system would be in place.

Instead he fiddled with the D-hopper and tried to get the equipment working with the "Planewalker's Guide To The Continuua" scans. It *had* been hectic lately, and finding the way back had proven troublesome, which was probably why it took him over four hours to read the data on the timeline he was in.

The laptop-like computer whirred and clicked.
Reality: Timeline LR-111124
Divergence Point: Roman Empire developed improved set of focussing lenses for heliographs, prompting an Age Of Invention beginning in 144 BC by Imperial Edict. Roman Empire breaks apart due to Succession Wars (550 AD - 590 AD) but is reunited by Nathan Caesar, aka Nathan the Conquerer in a series of wars and militaristic conquests from 995AD to 1021AD. New Roman Empire puts down three major attempts at Wars of Independence, a fourth one being the North American continent and that one was more of a war of logistics. World is currently organized into three world powers. Roman Empire controls most of Europe and Asia, also Indochina. North and South American continent controlled by the Free States. Japan currently under control by third force, Mordan Industries, and is designated a resort area for people of both Empires.
Analysis: Timeline Unresearched due to heavy backlog. There are indications that an operative from Divine Analysis vanished in this or a neighboring timeline forty-five years ago, but a psychic probe has turned up no trace. Classified request filed with Divine Intervention, this has also been put off due to heavy backlog.
Overall Technical Level: 8, antigrav, genetic engineering, and fusion power are common.
Overall Magical Level: 1 special, minor psychic abilities and some magic, but quite rare in occurance.
Special: Some native abilities in alchemy and esper noted as level 6.
WARNING: This timeline is rated a Class Four Hazard, though reason for rating is not noted. Contact with this timeline is restricted.

"Kinda late for that," Grey sighed. Class Four indicated that the problem was very restricted in scope, took a long time, or was more an inconvenience than deadly. A Class One Hazard would be something like one of those worlds overrun by Bugs or Mechanoids or something similar. A Class Three Hazard would have been like the world where creatures from Greek myth roamed the planet: dangerous but not very common.

It wasn't that unusual for a timeline to be restricted. There were large numbers of timelines for each Heaven, and they were always combining, ending, and splitting off. Law Of Conservation Of Realities among other things. It wasn't that unusual for a timeline to lack a full entry or explanation, for the same reasons. That was part of the reason for him to have the "Planewalker's Guide" - as a method of exploring the timelines and forming a backup database for Yggdrasil.

Grey let the device continue to scan and develop its entry while letting an internal system do diagnosis on himself, just in case he needed to perform a rescue on those two.

-------------------------

Ukyo sat back in the hot bath and exhaled as she relaxed. "I *really* needed this!"

"Shampoo agree." Shampoo lazed back herself on the underwater bench and gave a contented sigh.

"Well, up until Butch and Cassidy showed up, at least you were able to get a bath on that Pokemon world." Ukyo closed her eyes and leaned back, feeling the tensions melting out of her. "I haven't had one since we started this cockamamie trip!"

"Ukyo should not have doubted cyborg boy. We tease by calling him 'Ranma' but Shampoo getting tired of running joke." Shampoo interrupted herself with a long yawn. "Or maybe Shampoo just plain tired. Haven't slept since we visit world where crab people running around."

"Invid," corrected Ukyo. "Yeah, and I got woke up the same time you had your bath interrupted. It's been a wild ride, ain't it?"

"Is so." Shampoo seemed to drift off to half-sleep.

The silence continued for a few minutes, broken only by the drip of water into the pool.

"So whattaya think, is that guy on the up and up?"

"Shampoo think so. He not lie to Shampoo yet." Shampoo stretched and stood up out of the water. "What next?"

A figure stepped forward from the hallway. "Massage and makeover, when you are ready, this way please."

Ukyo nodded and addressed Shampoo. "Yeah, I guess. So we gotta stick by him and eventually we'll get to see the real Ranma. Nice guy, if a bit weird."

Shampoo smiled slyly. "You take cyborg then, and when Ranma show Shampoo will take Ranma."

"Uh uh, girl. The REAL Ranma is MY fiance." Ukyo was quick to backpedal. "I thought you had to marry the guy who defeated you, ain't that your law? Didn't Grey defeat you and all?"

Shampoo shook her head, little droplets flying as she toweled off. "No. Cyborg boy not real. He say he substitute for Ranma. As he represent Ranma, he defeat for Ranma. Besides, he not have all parts so he not really human."

The veiled figure of their spa guide motioned them into a room where a fair number of women were already lying on tables and being massaged by people who looked like they knew what they were doing.

Shampoo picked up one of the odd headphones and heard the strange music coming from it. Oddly relaxing and she was already having trouble staying awake.

-----------------

Hearing the beep that signalled that the computer had finished scanning, Grey checked the display again and frowned. Now he had to go rescue those two. Great, just great.

This world was nearly as bad as that one with the human Pokemon. *THAT* had been a nasty mission, but one in where his cyborg frame had actually been quite an advantage. He hadn't been human in appearance, so passing as a one-of-a-kind native had been fairly easy. Since it had been one of the human slaves whose wish for freedom he had been there to grant, it had been necessary for Grey to engage in some activities he'd normally have had trouble with. Namely stealing and pitfights. He had handed off the pokeballs he'd gotten off that world to Urd, who'd be able to see if she could free the pokeslaves.

Besides, on the pokeslave world, he'd felt good about joining up with Team Rocket. He'd learned some valuable skills there too, such as defeating high tech security systems.

Well, he'd try the front door first. If there was a problem he'd go in the back way.

----------------

"i'm just picking them up early," Grey informed the desk clerk. "Something has come up and i need to get going."

"But, sir, their download is only..." The slave managing the front desk checked a display. "They are only at 65% reprogrammed. Their new bodies are prepped and ready."

"No problem, i'll take them. i really *must* be going, though."

"But... very well, sir." The slave shook her head. "I'll have the team wrap up the current alterations. Do you want the duplicates? You've already paid for them, after all."

Grey spent a moment wondering how much had been on his Card anyway. "Yes, fine."

"Certainly, sir. If you'll take a seat, this won't take long."

----------------

Shampoo groaned, woke up, and looked at herself.

Ukyo groaned, woke up, and looked at herself.

Four simultaneous screams let the cyborg know that they had awakened.

"You want to explain this, sugar," Ukyo said, pointing at the Ukyo in the blue spandex. Trying to ignore the way it looked like a second skin on her twin.

"Hello, I am..." The Ukyo in blue paused and looked towards Grey.

There was an immediate temptation to name her "Lime" or some other food substance but Grey decided not to go there but use a similar convention. Since Ukyo meant city to the right, and this was a mirror image of Ukyo, city to the left would work until something better came along. "Sakyo."

The Ukyo in blue nodded. "Hello. I am Sakyo. I am a marionette backup of Ukyo Kuonji. My specialties are food preparation and armed combat. Primary function: bodyguard, secondary function: companion. My special function is repair."

"Wh-wha-what?" Shampoo pointed at her twin in purple spandex, who looked curiously at Grey as well.

Grey resisted the temptation to use the name of a hair care product. "Shan."

The purple-spandex clad Shampoo nodded. "Hello. I am Shan. I am a marionette backup of Shampoo. My specialties are too-too delicious Chinese cooking and unarmed combat. Primary function: bodyguard, secondary function: companion. My specialty is strength."

"What's a marionette?"

"It's sort of an android." Grey winced. "Except that apparently the Mordan Corporation that owns a good section of China and Japan in that world has learned most of the secrets of Jusenkyo and Phoenix Mountain. The 'marionettes' are actually twins created by a mixture of technology and alchemy, i think. Do you remember the Beauty Parlor?"

Four blank stares.

"You went into a building that you thought was a spa or something like that. You wanted the works. That... included some stuff you probably didn't want. i think I got most of it fixed." Grey silently prayed that he'd gotten it fixed. "Uhm, i had to call in a favor though as you two were both put in something called Surikomi Eggs."

"Was that bad?" Ukyo noted the tea that Sakyo had put out for her and tried to give her twin a smile.

"Well, if it hadn't worked, you two would probably be the slaves of the first person you looked at upon hatching." Grey fidgeted. "And i was not counting on Mousse's trick with the mirror for this, since there's a good chance that you'd have ended up narcissists."

"So what did you do?" Ukyo watched the guy moving around and hoped she'd meet Ranchan soon. Otherwise, maybe she *should* go with the cyborg. It at least wouldn't be dull.

"Contacted Urd to see what she could do. She found a way to set it up as an interrupt while she deciphers the spell effect." Grey sighed in relief as it seemed to have worked. "I broke the eggs and gave you the potion. You looked at me, but then fell asleep immediately as Urd's potion took effect. As it's centered on my lifeforce, all I have to avoid is dying. You two remain yourselves and we can try getting things back to normal." And if it did fail, they would hunt him down and then he could try ordering them to be free.

Urd had thought it all quite amusing, and had been making all sorts of suggestions as to what Grey should do if the potion hadn't worked.

Shan and Sakyo exchanged a glance and wondered what was to become of *them.*

"Where is we?" Shampoo looked around at the building, the Chinese styling catching her attention.

"Mount Kensei, Bayankala Mountain Range, Qinghai Province." Grey indicated. "I did a dimensional hop as soon as we were away from the building. Unfortunately, that means we're less than a mile from Jusenkyo."

Thunder crashed.

"Nice effect," noted Ukyo.

"Nah, storm's been building for an hour." Grey shrugged it off.

"Actually she mean the girl coming out of the mirror," Shan indicated by pointing.

Grey blinked and slumped. "Uhm, hello Belldandy. How's Keiichi doing?"

"Not the Belldandy," came a snide voice. "Grey, once again you have thoroughly botched up what was supposed to be a simple assignment."

"Tiamat!?" Grey found himself wanting a rune weapon, meson cannon, and a few Cosmo Knights backing him up. If the Pheonix Mage had been present most likely the battle would have ravaged most of China. The last world that had seen Marduk and Tiamat physically battle had destroyed one of their major continents.

"Oh, stop!" The woman's eyes glowed briefly.

Grey turned his eyes briefly to notice that Shampoo had produced her maces, Ukyo her spatula, and both Shan and Sakyo were attempting to flank. Unfortunately all four were currently composed of colored marble. He winced. "Uhm. You're not Tiamat, are you?"

"Well, so much for THAT idea." The woman glared at him and shucked her costume.

"Lian Ascot, god, er, goddess of temporary positions?"

"I really want to thank you for that job over at the Goddess Relief Office," growled the woman at the cyborg.

"Well, how was I to know that they were that strict about employees? Look at the bright side, you're only female when you're on the clock." Grey considered briefly. "Uhm, that would mean you're here in an official capacity."

"Yeah. Let me get this over with."

"Uhm, before you do that, can you just paralyze them instead of leaving them as stone - things have a tendency to go wrong around me, y'know."

"Tell me about it," grumbled Lian as she gestured. "Ahem. Here's the word from on high.

"Grey, probationary operative, you have screwed up your simple assignment. You are to seek to minimize the disruption. Ideally you are to act as Ranma as much as you can. Further, you are to do this as a human, not a demon, daemon, or cyborg.

"Your mission is to *fill in for Ranma* not go off and planewalk with the minor characters."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Grey shrugged. "Hey, can I help it if I like people making nice?"

"And you are NOT allowed to kill Akane."

"Spoilsport."

"I mean it. Go straight to the Tendo Dojo. Akane is off limits."

Grey hid a smile. Well, that meant that he had to keep her at a distance. Good. He hated abusive relationships, whether it was back home with the wife shooting the husband, the husband beating the wife, or if it were Akane + Ranma or Mousse + Shampoo.

"Oh yeah, before I go." Lian took out a remote control and clicked two buttons. "Good. Now TRY to keep in character." Lian vanished.

"Pfeh, what does she think this is, a revengefic?" Grey watched his body shift until it was an exact resemblence of Ranma Saotome.

"Grey?" Shampoo came up to examine the transformed boy. "What she do?"

"Turned me human. While it'll be nice to have a sense of taste and all again, this is not a good thing. I'm supposed to play the part of Ranma with minimal unarmed combat skills."

"You is human? You is male?" Shampoo frowned and studied the figure.

"Yeah, this is physically an exact duplicate of Ranma Saotome, age 16." Grey seemed to be examining his right arm and hand. "i wouldn't be surprised if it was down to the genetic level. It's still me, though."

"He male and human." Shampoo repeated in a voice of doom. She walked back to the table and put her head down so she could mope.

"So you don't think you can fill Ranma's shoes, even if it's his body?" Ukyo looked over the boy. If Ranma showed up now, she'd know him on sight at least.

Shan and Sakyo started reheating everyone's tea, setting out an extra cup under the idea that now that he wasn't a cyborg that had to worry about internal system requirements might appreciate the gesture.

"Look, i've got a lot of skills. Back when i was human the first time i did a lot of jobs. Dishwasher, factory worker, waiter, delivery driver, bricklayer, mechanic, TV repairman, medical billing clerk, typist, retail sales, and warehouse worker for example." Grey wrapped his hands around the battered cup that was offered him and smiled in appreciation. "After i was transformed into an incubus i was a gofer, doing all sorts of scutwork for people. A bit of a troubleshooter too, as i got my job for the Rival Relief Office at that point. i learned more skills, but still mainly in the role of 'Mr Fixit.' i had a chance to work in a stardock in the United Federation of Planets, a brief stint on a Commonwealth Rebel Transport, and a *thankfully* brief tour of duty in charge of Penitent Souls conscripts during a containment battle against Hell.

"Then there was nine years on that mining colony, Tarterus. Nasty planet. It's either rock or its trying to eat you. That's where i became a cyborg." And something about that world had interfered with the normal healing process, cutting his regenerative abilities down to the point where even a minor cut could take days to heal. Though actually he suspected some of it was Eiris' doing.

Ukyo blinked as Grey finally wound down. "So you're saying you're supposed to be impersonating a martial artist, but most of your skills don't involve fighting?"

"Oh no, i've done a *lot* of fighting. Just not martial arts." Grey sipped his tea and gave a sigh of contentment. "You have no idea how long i've wanted a cup of tea. Anyway, i've done guerilla fighting on that pokeslave world, i've done ship to ship and longrange combat, i've even done a bit of swordfighting and some training while i was working that transport. Hmmm, i think i've still got the lightsaber somewhere. The only hand-to-hand skill i've ever really gotten past the beginner stage was Dirty Street Fighting, and that's been a few years."

"You're doomed." Ukyo's opinion was heartfelt.

"On the other hand, i can tell i've got Toltiir's Binding again." At their blank looks, Grey continued. "If i'm killed, get clear. There'll be a burst of flames and i will reincarnate immediately. Painful as all get out, and i usually end up more extreme than Doctor Who ever did. If i'm crippled, i'll either regenerate or end up with some cyborg bits like i did this last time. No matter what the body looks like though, another one of the clauses i slapped into my original wish was specifically an 'anti-bimbo' effect. My 'sense of self' and intellect (such as it is) can't be altered significantly from the outside. Typical mind control stuff ain't gonna work on me. On the other hand, i pick up new skills even easier than i did in my first life, plus i can speak four languages. Before you ask: English, Japanese, Elven, and Galacc. Can't read any of 'em besides English and Galacc that well, basics only.

"Since part of what i wished for (part of the anti-bimbo clause) was competency, i've got a wild talent of sorts. When i was a demon it was psychometry. As a cyborg it was an odd combination of gadgets. Right now it's apparently a form of Second Sight.

"Which brings up an interesting observation, apparently Shan and Sakyo may be cyborgs themselves as they've got what look like newborn souls." Grey decided not to mention that it looked as if they were actually Ukyo's and Shampoo's daughters - there was that kind of pattern match, or was this something like a maiden circuit - an electronic soul? No, those were *human* souls and Shampoo and Ukyo were definitely the mothers. Grey felt if he mentioned it right now, however, all four might go into shock. All four looked close to that point already.

"You're... immortal?" Ukyo stared at the Ranma in front of her.

Shampoo lightly slapped Ukyo in the head. "Where he work? Why not be immortal?"

"Well, the definition they use is 'Eternal' since i can die. i just get better." Grey shrugged. "i got a wish i didn't want to make, so i loaded dozens of clauses on it to make it as livable as possible. Not that i haven't benefitted some from it. While i was working for the Rival Relief Office, i put together a bag of tricks from things i picked up in my travels. Some of which those Senshi stole in my First Labor.

"Speaking of which, you can keep Ponyta if you like, Shampoo. You two get along better than he and i ever did." Grey casually tossed the pokeball back to the Amazon.

Shampoo merely caught the ball and stared at it, though she still looked as if she was in shock over something.

"So, anyway, because they want this timeline more or less on track, that means i gotta go to Japan. Shampoo, you might as well go back to your village. If they want this to be a 'canon' universe, you never stand a chance of picking up Ranma cause you're after him to kill him at first 'cause he beat you as a girl before you learned he was a guy. Then you spend a lotta time trying to win him by the terms of your own culture, forgetting *his* culture is more important to him. Likewise, Ukyo, he can never come to terms with you showing up as a guy, and all his memories of you from earlier have you as a boy."

Shampoo and Ukyo seemed to get very thoughtful at this.

"So he ends up in a mutually abusive relationship where he's verbally abusive and his fiancee is both verbally and physically abusive, the two of them settling into a pattern that lasts the rest of their lives. Akane wins his heart by being the first girl ever to show him any kindness and the two eventually marry due to: teenage hormones, an honor agreement between the families Tendo & Saotome, and equal degrees of love and hate. At that point even the mainline splits apart. i've seen it where both of them suddenly change personalities to a relatively normal couple, i've seen it where Akane's violence and anger curdles within her until it reaches a breaking point, i've seen it where Ranma takes after his father and leaves for frequent training trips and eventually the madness goes on to another generation, and i've seen timelines where there's a *messy* divorce and the two go their seperate ways.

"i've also seen a few, where, after Akane is pregnant with Ranma's child, he's killed. Or she suffers the same fate as a lot of other mothers around them and dies before her child is very old at all."

"And I don't have a chance to prevent any of those fates?" Ukyo was incredulous.

"Not in anything approaching a mainline universe. Sorry. The crossdressing and your obsessiveness kept you from getting close, but if you'd reunited with him prior to him reaching Nerima you might have won anyway." Grey was honest in his opinion and responding to the question. Another might have suggested Ukyo settle down with Tsubasa.

"And Shampoo not have chance if pursue Amazon-style," said Shampoo thoughtfully.

"Yeah. AND of course, since nobody cooperated with each other everyone got in each other's way. Except that Akane had the home court advantage by being constantly there, if Ranma had seen her only occasionally i doubt he would have ever noticed her being nice just because of all the times she was angry. Sometimes he triggered it, sometimes one of you would trigger it, sometimes her sister would trigger it, but you can argue causes. One popular theory about the central mainline was that she had Rage Disorder. In THIS timeline, originally, a guy named Tatewaki Kuno reduced Akane AND Ranma into bimbo love-slaves using a wishing sword. Then an alteration was made where Ranma mastered the Catfist and became a great warrior. In that timeline he DID marry Shampoo."

Shampoo jerked and looked up at that.

"However there was another alteration, some sort of outside intervention, trying to make this a mainline and do away with the first alteration. THAT caused Ranma to go berserk the next time he was cornered and surrounded by cats. Like i told y'all earlier, that's why i'm here and substituting for Ranma. Trying to stabilize things a bit so that Ranma can be re-introduced and then retroed."

"So when it's fixed, will we remember any of this?" Ukyo frowned when Grey nodded. "How can I avoid forgetting it?"

"Sorry, only ways i can think of offhand are: if you're offplane when the change occurs, if the timeline isn't close enough to BE stabilized, if you're shielded by divine intervention, or if you come up with some magical intervention like a wish. It's not like you could simply upload your memories and then restore from a backup." Grey watched the rains recede from outside. "Well, that's it. I've got to get going. Japan is a *long* walk from here."

"Yeah, you go." Ukyo pondered something. "I'm gonna stick around here and check out these Chinese Amazons. RIGHT, Shampoo?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah. You be guest of Shampoo, no problem. It not like anybody remember this anyway. We catch up to you later, yes? Show up much later just like originally!"

Grey smiled and nodded back. "Okay, Shampoo. You show up in a month and a half, and you're hunting for me to kill me. Though i don't turn into a girl so how that's gonna work i don't know. Ukyo shows up six months later, hunting Genma to visit revenge upon the two who abandoned you."

"Except that Ranma never knew. Gotcha covered, Ace." Ukyo winked as the Ranma-impersonator left. "Shampoo?"

"Not-the-Ranma cannot lie, always tell truth," Shampoo said slyly. "That not mean *we* not lie."

"Hey, I *never* gave my word to this. Now listenup you three, I gotta plan."

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"Lian Ascot" stepped beyond the mirror and ripped her disguise off. Marller paused for a brief moment until a large anvil (marked 10["4] tons) materialized over her head and fell. As it was a Warner Brothers anvil, no permanent damage was done.

Urd looked down at Toltiir with wide eyes. "About time somebody did that!"

Toltiir managed a feline shrug. "Hey, him trying to be Ranma ain't gonna be amusing. He'll figure out it was misdirection eventually, but in the meantime."

"We'll just have to figure out a way that nice things can happen to nice people for a change." Urd nodded and started considering where to meddle.

"Not too fast," Toltiir cautioned. "He might die of shock."

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