Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Slayers NIBUNNOICHI ❯ Part the Zeroeth - And Lo, It Came To Pass ( Prologue )

L Slayers NIBUNNOICHI

Part the Zeroeth:

AND LO, IT CAME TO PASS...

 

 

 

 

Once upon a Time, there were two gods who decided to become roommates because They were fed up with the obscenely high rents in the only available dimensions...

 

Yeah, okay, maybe that ain't the best way to start the story.

 

Then again, maybe it's the only way that any account of this legend can begin. I really can't explain what, exactly, these two gods agreed to on that 'afternoon', any more than I could explain to a butterfly the havoc that her wings cause with weather prediction. As long as you remember that what I say here is simply a metaphor so our heads don't explode trying to comprehend the infinite, we'll be hunky-dory.

 

Now, back to the story. The two gods had been friends for some eons, except for a brief period during an incident three or four millennia back that had involved an immovable object, an irresistible force, and an entire universe composed of Bob, so when One called and asked if He could come over, the Other naturally accepted. It was only a short time later that a knock came at the Other's door. He jumped up, dashed over, and opened it to see...

 

That His bestest buddy in the whole wide cosmos was suffering from a serious state of utter bummerhood. "What's wrong, My friend?"

 

The first god didn't answer for just a moment as He entered and sat down on a convenient mountaintop. "I just got a look at what They want for the upkeep of My little corner. I don't ask for much, just to be left alone to play with the lives of My mortals a little! Is that so wru-hu-wrong?!" And then, to the acute embarrassment of the second god, His friend started weeping, causing massive flooding all through His finely-crafted world.

 

The second god sent out a hasty mental command to some of the less stable people in His realm, commanding them to build big boats and cram everything they could onto their newly built survival devices. He added that He didn't know how long the flood would last, so hold on tight! Confident that His puny mortals would be saved, He turned back to His friend, who was still sniveling like a weakling demigod that just got told she wouldn't live forever.

 

He said kindly, "Could I see this bill?" Still flooding, the first god handed the second a small slip of paper. The second god was literally floored. He sat down suddenly, creating a "God's Basin" that was deep enough to take all the water His friend was leaking all over His nice world. The less stable people were left high and dry, and mocked for their lack of faith.

 

Hallelujah.

 

"This is outrageous!! How do They justify such high prices!"

 

The first god sniffled. "They say it's because My world has magic in it. They're raising rates on all the worlds that have magic built into them."

 

The second god managed to climb to His feet on the second try. Still staring at the bill, He said, "But Your world only has a little magic in it! My world is practically... built... on... magic?" He looked at His long-time friend for a moment's Eternity, then a jangling clatter came from the tacky doorbell that the second god claimed to enjoy.

 

The second god answered His door, the first's bill still clenched in his hand. Waiting behind it was a minor angel-construct, holding a slip of paper. "Yer energy bill fer this month, yer Holiness."

 

Ripping the note out of the angel-construct's hand, the second god quickly scanned through it. He would have turned pale, then flushed bright, bright red in anger, had He owned capillaries. "By Myself! This is obscene!"

 

The angel-construct held out its hands in a defensive gesture. "I don't write the bills, yer Holiness. I just deliver 'em. Please don't smite me, I'm so insignificant!"

 

It groveled just for good measure, hoping that the pathetic sight would strike some chord of pity even in the most merciless of gods. On the other hand, groveling might just send the god right over the edge and one foot-stomp later, no more angel-construct.

 

One thing it had learned about this god, He didn't call Himself the Sea of Chaos for nothing.

 

Fortunately, the Sea of Chaos was too busy being angry at the Universe in general to focus His attention on one puny construct. He waved His hand absently. "Go back to your masters, insect. Tell Them the Sea of Chaos will not take this lying down!"

 

The angel-construct fled whilst it still could. The Sea of Chaos paced back and forth, a race of pure evil created from the leakage of His utter hateful rage. For a moment, the Sea watched the evil race wreak havoc upon His worlds, half-tempted to keep them around.

 

Fine, fine, but there's gotta be something else there... After absently crafting a bunch of dragons to provide the Balance, He turned to His friend. "What are We going do about this travesty?" He demanded, shaking the fist that the two bills were crumpled together in.

 

The first god sniffled again. "I thought of a whole bunch of stuff to do, but the thing is, all of them require a friend in They. They hate us, remember?"

 

The Sea of Chaos waved His empty hand in a dismissive gesture. "One wins a couple of holy wars here, a bet on a true worshipper there, and One gets a few enemies." Then, the full import of what His guest said struck Him. "Are You saying that They are all against Us?"

 

The first god nodded.

 

The Sea of Chaos boiled. "We won't lose to Them! We can't!" He paced back and forth more furiously. "Don't worry, I'll get a revelation soon..." He snapped His fingers, letting slip a fragment of Himself. "I've got it! We can become roommates, and share the energy bills! No problems."

 

The first god stood up and confronted His friend. "I'd say there's a problem. It isn't as if either of Our worlds is a complete fantasy land where anything could happen..."

 

The first god trailed off thoughtfully and considered the words that had just escaped His mouth for a long moment.

 

"When can I move in?"

 

The Sea of Chaos waved His hand. "Give me a millennium or so to prepare My world. How about Yours?"

 

The first god shrugged. "I'll freeze it where it is now, just to make things more interesting. So, what do You have planned for a thousand years from now?"

 

"Look for Yourself."

 

The first god accepted the invitation, peering at the Skien of Fate that the Sea of Chaos maintained. He nodded, then His brow furrowed in deep thought. "I have another thought for You. What do You think will happen when Lina Inverse and Ranma Saotome meet?"

 

The Sea of Chaos shrugged and grinned. "I don't know, Jusenkyou. Let's find out..."

 

 

Slayers NIBUNNOICHI

 

WITNESS...

Xelloss and Gosunkugi team up!

 

GASP AS...

Amelia hits on Ryouga!

 

SHIVER AS...

Naga the White Serpent and Kodachi the Black Rose clash!

 

STAND WITH ONE FOOT IN A BUCKET AND HOP UP AND DOWN AS...

The author laughs in amusement!

 

AND QUIVER IN FEAR AS...

Two redheads of our acquaintance butt heads!