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| "Slayers NIBUNNOICHI" Reviews/Comments [ 27 ] | | Pages (2): [ 1 2 › » ] | Reviewed By: jlfenton [MediaMiner Member] On: October 21, 2006 19:16 CDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Great fic. Maybe someday you'll work on it again.
| Reviewed By: Alena On: May 28, 2003 16:52 CDT
Comment/Review:
I really enjoyed your story! It's very good, and I'm looking forward to reading more! | Reviewed By: Troy Thomas [MediaMiner Member] On: January 07, 2003 01:50 CST
Comment/Review:
Not too many comments.
>"Good, I wouldn't wanna tick off a crazy redhead
like gumph!"
Gump: My head's not red!
Gourry: Oh, you're right!
Gump: Would you like a chocolat?
>_Being a Master apparently makes you a bad
poet,_ Genma thought wryly.
He already was a master, Master of the Saotome
School of Indiscriminate Grappling. Maybe, it's
being a master of two schools that makes you a
bad poet.
>About the only thing I feel needs explaining is
my treatment of the subject of men in the Amazon
tribe. Yeah, I'm going for the 'fanfic canon' on
the subject, if there is such a thing. My
personal feeling on the subject is somewhat
different, but I'm not here to innovate the
Amazon tribe... yet.
Actually, there is no fanfic canon of the Amazon
Tribe. You can do anything you want.
Anyway, my major nitpick is you shift perspective
so darn often! First, we're with Ranma, then
we're with Lina, and then... gosh!
It'd be nice to spend a bit more time with each
of the characters, before running off to find the
others. | Reviewed By: Troy Thomas [MediaMiner Member] On: December 31, 2002 02:47 CST
Comment/Review:
I don't know, something about 'bout the
formatting for your comments page throws me off,
so I'm do something drastic. Format my comments,
myself!
(I'm just so clever!)
***
>Gosunkugi just smiled. "Oh, I rather doubt
that." He began chanting softly, just barely at
the edge of Akane's hearing. He stopped, and...
>All Akane could say was, "Gosunkugi-sama..."
There's gotta be a catch somewhere. Nothing can
ever work out exactly as anyone plans in this
universe. There's too much chaos, after all.
>"Yes." Nabiki decided to let this unknown person
do most of the talking, in case it might throw
him.
'throw him'? Do you mean, 'throw him off'?
...
Or this is becoming a 'Mr T versus the Slayers
and Ranma 1/2 fic'?
Mr T: It better be, foo! Enough of this jibber-
jappber bout damn some key, and more writing
about the T, sucka!
>Despite years of experience, it took all the
effort Nabiki could muster to hold onto her cold,
businesslike expression. Just when she felt that
it would crack, she reminded herself that
strangers don't walk up to strangers and offer
information out of the goodness of her heart. The
mask refroze. "You have me at a disadvantage."
goodness of her heart -> goodness of their hearts.
>Happosai offered his arm. "Shall we go?"
Cologne: Yes, but... just one last Hiryo Shoten
Ha? For old time sakes?
>Ranma paused just as he was about to enter the
Cat Cafe, wondering if he should even bother
asking Shampoo to aid him in his rescuing of
Akane. He'd already asked Ukyou, who'd just
smiled and said, "Sure thing, Ranchan. Konatsu'll
come to, 'kay?" He'd bumped into Mousse and asked
him too. The robed martial artist had shrugged
and asked, "Why not? You have led us upon some
fine quests before."
Konatsu'll come to, -> Konatsu'll come too,
>Lina nodded. "Sounds like all we can do."
like we all -> like something we all
>There were a few stains upon this perfect life,
of course, of course; his father and his sister
were both totally insane, thus reducing his
family's standing; his sister had taken up
poisons and dark magic as hobbies, making her
unmarriageable; and last but worst, the Tendos
had engaged their youngest daughter to the son of
a ronin named Saotome.
Kuno: Knave! You dare confuse the state of mind
of my own family!? My sister is merely twisted.
My father is but a demented figure of a principal!
We, the Kuno family, would never be crazy, for it
is far too common a state of mind!
Comments end | Reviewed By: Troy Thomas [MediaMiner Member] On: September 23, 2002 13:44 CDT
Comment/Review:
Troy here, but methinks I'll be having trouble commenting.
Anyway, if thar be any comments, matey, then you be just be a considering that these here comments be mine!
***
>Amelia gasped in shock. "We're taking that? But we'll all die!"
Funny.
>"The _Millenium Balton_." At Lina's incredulous stare, he added, "It's not a very good name, I know, but the person who wrote out the commissioning papers was deaf, and do you know how much it costs to have a ship's name changed around these parts?"
Forgive me, I'm bored:
"The _Millenium... minum... Balton_."
>The captain grinned. "I'm glad you asked that! The _Milennium Balton_ is, as the name implies, the most modern ship of the milennium! The finest luxury liner ever made, she only needs four people to run her! Of course, with only four people, we need to cut a few corners. We have to cook the food quickly, so sometimes we burn it" Lina gasped in shock "it wasn't too appetizing in the first place" she clutched the left side of her chest "and I always hate dealing with such small portions, too" and she collapsed to the ground, frothing at the mouth.
Good, good. ^_^
Honestly though, the chaos does get to be a bit much, after a while. It's as though you are trying to have everything happening at once, and the thread of general interest is weakened cause of this. You might be able to pull it off though, without the thread unravelling, but I'll have to get to the next chapter to see so for sure. | Reviewed By: Anata [MediaMiner Member] On: August 19, 2002 21:38 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
OMG!! Putting in Monty Python was priceless! That was so funny!!!
I hope that you continue this soon, for I will be sure to check up on it when you do!
Anata | Reviewed By: Anata [MediaMiner Member] On: August 18, 2002 19:21 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I told you I'd read more of your fics! This is really interesting, but I'm not quite finished, yet.
Still have a ways to go.
Anata | Reviewed By: Anata [MediaMiner Member] On: August 08, 2002 21:10 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is still very good. Although I haven't finished yet...but i will later.
Anata | Reviewed By: Anata [MediaMiner Member] On: August 08, 2002 16:51 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is extremely well written! I'll read the rest in a little while, okay?
Anata | Reviewed By: Li-Chan On: May 18, 2002 15:25 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is so cool.. Gomen I could only give you a 9 in enjoyment because I found it very hard to read through the entire 9 chapters at once.. they just seemed to be too long and drag on a little bit.. But I still like it alot! Sugoi!! | Reviewed By: Troy Thomas [MediaMiner Member] On: May 17, 2002 13:42 CDT
Comment/Review:
>"Nihao, airen! So good to see you!" Ranma was glomped by a purple-haired flurry of Amazon love. Looking around frantically for other fiances, he spotted Akane heading his way with fire in her eyes and mallet in her hands.
>
I only want to comment that Akane would be holding any number of other blunt instruments rather than a mallet. Probably whatever's nearest to her at that moment is what she'd use to discipline Ranma.
>"I mean that I won't take your job. I have a lucrative trade right here, and I'm not about to give it up for some lousy treasure map that's older than dirt. Four out of ten ship's captains die on those sorts of trips, you know. statistical fact."
>
Statistical fact."
>"If you are in fact Lina Inverse, Enemy of all Who Live" Gourry tensed his arms, stopping Lina from going for the throat "then you'd be more likely to fireball the place then get any help from the pirates inside. But they do have a really good salad bar..."
>
"If you are in fact Lina Inverse, Enemy of all Who Live," Gourry tensed his arms, stopping Lina from going for the throat, "then | Reviewed By: WufeiNeko [MediaMiner Member] On: April 11, 2002 19:57 CDT
Comment/Review:
o.O;; Aside from the bad Monty Python and the Holy Grail ripoff, it's not that bad. It still scares the crap out of me...but it's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I can't wait to read the end of it. HURRRY UP!!! | Reviewed By: WufeiNeko [MediaMiner Member] On: April 05, 2002 18:54 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm only to chapter three and you've got me scared. But, it's really well written thus far. I'll finish reading it when I can. Nice job. Fanboy. I'm impressed. | Reviewed By: Troy Thomas [MediaMiner Member] On: March 18, 2002 16:32 CST
Comment/Review:
Hello, it's me again. Again, my comments are only my opinions. Anything you like, feel free to use. Anything else, promptly ignore.
Troy Thomas
***
>He'd spend most of the last millenium deciding what to take with Him, and what to leave behind.
He spent most of the last millenium...
Also, who does the He refer to in this particular sentence? It can either be 'Jusenkyou' or 'His friend', since the subject 'He' isn't identified.
>Jusenkyou leaned in close. "I always wanted to ask You.... Why did You ever decided to date Him?"
>
Why did You ever decide to date him?
>Lina sighed. "I don't."
>
What kind of sigh is this? As a description on its own, 'Lina sighed' is a bit weak. Examples of what I mean include 'Lina patiently sighed.' and 'Lina sighed in annoyance.'
>"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"
>
This is way out of its line wrap.
***
It's a fun romp, so far. I wonder what's to happen next? | Reviewed By: Troy Thomas [MediaMiner Member] On: March 11, 2002 20:15 CST
Comment/Review:
>Once upon a time, there were two gods who decided to become roommates because They were fed up with the obscenely high rents in the only available dimensions...
>
Uh oh, not a 'Once upon a time' story... Oh course, I'd rather be shown these two gods being 'fed up with the obscenely high rents' than be told be told that's what happened.
But you do that anyway, so I'll only comment on the 'Once upon a time'... It's very original, fanboy... ;p
>Maybe that isn't the best way to start it. Maybe it's the only way. I really can't explain _what_, exactly, these two gods agreed to on that 'afternoon', any more than I could explain this computer to a butterfly. As long as you accept that anything and everything in this story is simply a metaphor so your poor heads won't explode trying to comprehend the infinite, you'll do just fine.
>
And we're still trying to find that blasted butterflly... but not so we can explain this computer though. We're just sick of all these damn storms. ^_^
Anyway, I didn't find too much to comment on in this chapter. I am definately looking forward to how your plot device actually unfolds.
Troy | | Pages (2): [ 1 2 › » ] |
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