Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Changes ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Chapter One

Chapter One - Twenty Questions

Tak Fujimoto had for thirty-five years worked for the Parks and Gardens department of the Nerima council. Rising early each day he would take his packed lunch, always with a short sweet note from his wife letting him know how much he meant to her.

Today was no different, after a delicious lunch he had read her note for the third time before folding it carefully and placing it back in his lunch box. It still surprised him that after so many years of marriage, four children, eight grandchildren that so simple a gesture as the note could warm his heart so.

Smiling to himself Tak walked back to the cherry-picker he was using to trim the trees around the hospital grounds, making sure his hard hat was firmly seated on his head, he stepped into the basket. Once inside he secured to door making certain that the latch was locked in the closed position, he then clipped his safety harness to the ring in the cherry-picker.

Five minutes later with his earplugs firmly seated in his ears, Tak was happily lopping trees, waving occasionally to the pedestrians passing by. Of course all pedestrians were safely outside of the area marked with the traffic cones he had drawn from the stores for just this purpose. Working in Nerima was dangerous enough without taking additional risks.

One particular branch Tak was trimming was on a tree many hundreds of years old, unfortunately the tree was also encroaching over the car park and there was concern that the branch could fall and damage cars and possibly injure either staff, patients or visitors to the hospital. So Tak started with his chainsaw cutting through the branch.

When he had completely sawn through the branch instead of falling to the ground the branch instead fell and balanced on the basket of the cherry picker. Not being as young and strong as he once was Tak could not dislodge the branch.

`Ah well' he thought as he fired the chainsaw up again and commenced cutting the branch in two so the two halves would fall away..

Cherry-pickers of the type Tak was using were hydraulic and for those unfamiliar with this type of machinery it means they work by oil pressure. Oil is pumped into hydraulic rams pushing out an arm to raise the basket, pressure is released and the basket is lowered.

What Tak did not realise until it was too late was that the weight of the branch also had effect on the operation of the hydraulics, that is they compressed the rams.

As the two halves of the branch fell away the basket shot upwards, then stopping at the arms limit shot Tak further into the air whereupon the safety harness clip, which Tak was so particular about ensuring was correctly attached with snapped.

Soaring even further into the air Tak had a panoramic view of Nerima. At the apex of his flight he could almost see his wife and his apartment. It was also at this point that Tak spotted Ranma. As Tak reached the high point of his flight Ranma passed by still rising.

Waving and exchanging greetings the two parted company and Tak headed once more for the hospital car park.

`Ah well' Tak thought as the car park grew closer `four days without an accident, I still think that's a record for Nerima council.'

* * *

As Ranma soared high above the streets of Nerima he noted the many building projects being carried out in the Nerima district. Nerima he decided would be a nice place if they ever got it finished. Of course the constant martial arts battles did nothing to improve the rate of progress in Nerima and as has been previously noted people were generally reluctant to invest money in Nerima.

But from up here Nerima looked peaceful, a few structures displayed the distinctive scars of ki blasts or the imprinted outline of someone's flying body. Ranma had noticed of late that the builders had been gaining on the damage caused and if the quiet times continued should be nearly caught up by the end of next week.

It wasn't unusual to spot members of the Nerima council's work teams on his flights and it was like running into old friends as Ranma often passed council workers in flight. Though he didn't know what had caused Mr Fujimoto's flight, though he was certain to ask him next time he saw him or any of the other council workers he was friendly with, Ranma was familiar with the aerobatic exploits of the Nerima council.

Some were launched by simply being too close to one of the many fights that broke out between the many martial artists that either lived or passed through Nerima. Mr Fukubi, one of the council's truck drivers was launched when a building fell on the other end of a plank he was sitting on while having lunch catapulting him into the air. Another incident involving a Nissan Cedric, a ninth grade science experiment and a blocked sewer drain had passed into legend and quite frankly did not bear thinking about.

Ranma was originally surprised that any of the council workers survived a week. It was only after stopping, talking to them and sharing a little lunch with them that he discovered Council Worker Martial Arts. Not really so much a martial art as a meditation technique used for focussing ki and using ki to provide protection from the many dangers Nerima posed.

Ranma decided to learn and practise some of their techniques. As usual this caused some minor consternation within the Tendo compound. Akane couldn't understand why Ranma was leaning on a shovel, one of the basic forms of Council Worker Martial Arts meditation, thought, of course, that this was some perverted plan of his, took the shovel and launched Ranma once again into the air.

One of the things that Ranma wondered about when he first started paying attention in physics was how did he and other martial artists survive some of the falls, pummelings and malletings that they were frequently subjected to. The answer he arrived at surprised him. Instinctively it seemed all martial artists, once they had reached a certain level started to produce and subconsciously focus their ki. Producing both a shield and a cushion to protect themselves, this allowed them to survive blows, falls, heat (from re-entry to atmosphere) and brief visits into airless space.

This was the basis of the Council Worker Martial Arts, although Council Worker Martial Arts was very limited in it's focus. Ranma had come up with some very interesting ideas in the last few weeks and while he had been practising them, it remained to be seen if any of them were of practical use in battle remained to be seen, though he was extremely confident.

He had even been experimenting with using his ki field to protect himself from the shape changing affects of cold water and he had found that if he was aware of the upcoming contact with water he was able to reflect the water away from his body. However to completely protect himself from the shape-changing effects of water the protection would need to become instinctual and this raised the questions of how would I drink, how would I bathe and wouldn't swimming become an exercise if futility?

As he reached the apex of his trajectory Ranma turned his attention to where he would be landing and noted that today at least, it would not be in water. He smiled briefly at this and as he started to descend began to prepare himself for the landing.

But with the ground rapidly approaching Ranma decided it was time to concentrate on landing with some dignity. Employing tiny ki blasts in much the same way as a rocket would employ retro thrusters Ranma aligned himself correctly, reduced his velocity and landed on the grass no harder than if he had jumped from a low hanging branch. Having landed in Nerima Ranma was saved having to explain which aircraft he had fallen from and where his parachute was, instead he waved at a few of the locals he recognised and checked his bearings for the walk home.

It was when he looked about that he spotted a familiar form lying back on the grass, Ranma shrugged to himself and strolled over and lay down on his side beside Nabiki.

Nabiki didn't notice him at first, she was Ranma noted smiling like the cat that got the cream. Someone Ranma decided was going to be paying Nabiki a lot of money in the next few days.

"Ranma." Nabiki spoke so softly that he hadn't realised she'd spoken for a moment. He was a little surprised as well for her eyes hadn't opened since he had arrived.

"Uh…. Hi Nabiki."

Nabiki sat up straight staring at Ranma " What?….. When did you get here?'

"Coupla minutes ago. I though you knew I was here, after all you said my name."

"Oh yeah" she blushed, quite attractively thought Ranma who had been thinking about girls and what made them attractive a lot more lately. "What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Air mallet. You?" Ranma asked lying back with his hands behind his head.

"I like it here. So what was it this time?"

"Looking to make a little money?"

"Can't I be a little concerned about my sister's fiance?" responded Nabiki in her best hurt little girl voice.

"I don't know. Can you?"

"Now I'm hurt" laughed Nabiki "I think we can come to an arrangement."

Ranma was a little wary of Nabiki's arrangements so responded cautiously "Such as?"

Nabiki smiled what could be called an evil smile, but which seemed to Ranma not to carry the avaricious malice he normally associated with Nabiki "Trade. Talk to you, you talk to me. You think I don't need someone to talk to occassionally?"

"You got friends at school, don't you talk to them?"

"Business associates Ranma, not friends."

"Yeah, I ain't, I haven't got that many people I can talk to either. This is just between you and me, it goes no further, right?"

"No further. Just you and me talking."

Ranma thought a moment "OK. I think I'd like that."

"So what was it this time?"

"I don't know. I was out for a walk, I walked through the gate. Bam. See Nerima by air."

"Ouch."

"Yeah. So, why do you like it here?"

"When mother was still alive, we used to come here for picnics. Dad was different. Not like he is now, crying, drinking, playing shogi." Nabiki sighed "The best times we spent as a family spent here. Kasumi was going to be a nurse and was studying hard at school. I was still practicing the Tendo school's art. Akane she was still little. I miss it."

"I don't remember much before pops took me away on our training trip." Ranma paused and lay back on the ground staring at the sky. "Images mostly you know, mum, pops not much else."

Nabiki looked across at Ranma as he continued. He talked for a while on the early days of travelling with his father, Nabiki knew he skipped quite a bit, the Neko-ken training for one thing. He concentrated on the good times, surprisingly he told a good story and Nabiki found herself laughing at times at the spin Ranma put on some of the trials his father had him through.

How Ranma had managed to turn out as the honourable young man he was surprised her as well, with Genma as a father Ranma becoming a thug and petty thief would have seemed the most likely outcome.

* * *

Early during the Saotome's stay Nabiki had been uncertain whether Genma Saotome was evil or just incredibly stupid. On one of the nights when her father and Genma were out drinking and the rest of the house deserted Nabiki had searched the Saotome's room. It was here that Nabiki found what she considered proof that Genma was dangerous, dangerously stupid.

The proof was the guidebook that Genma had used to train Ranma in the Neko-ken, that described the training grounds of Jusenkyo and other techniques and training grounds. When Nabiki picked up the book she started scanning the pages, noting the terrible translations that Genma had scrawled in the margins. Nabiki's chinese was excellent, as she suspected was Ranma's though he didn't let on.

It was when she got halfway through the book that thing's got interesting. The characters were no longer Chinese and for a moment Nabiki was puzzled. Genma's notes indicated that Genma was also confused. Nabiki's puzzlement was only momentary as she flipped the book upside down to reveal the Japanese translation of the front half of the book.

Closing the book and looking at the front and rear covers Nabiki discovered that from one end the book was in Chinese and from the other in Japanese. Genma, from his notes had revealed himself to be barely literate in Japanese. But how could he have not realised?

Obviously the man was cunning beyond anything Nabiki could imagine or completely stupid.

After further observation of Genma, stupid won.

* * *

"You ever talk to any of your friends like this Ranma?" Nabiki asked when Ranma paused in his

"Come on Nabiki, ya know there ain't that many people I can trust. I'd don't even know if I got real friends."

Nabiki looked at Ranma the question written in her eyes.

"OK. There's mum of course, though I'm still a little wary of the whole seppuku thing. I guess I trust her but I'm still not all that comfortable around her `specially if I get splashed with water, ya know. I know, she knows but, I feel like I disappoint her."

Nabiki nodded in agreement and sympathy.

"There's Kasumi. Kasumi's probably been, well until mum came back, the only mother I could really remember. She's like a big sister someone I can talk to and stuff." Ranma sighed "Only trouble is your father and mine can influence her, but I know she wouldn't do anything to hurt me."

"Yeah, Kasumi's a bit too much of the dutiful daughter sometimes." Nabiki nodded.

They walked on a while neither saying anything.

"I trust you." Ranma blurted out.

Nabiki stopped walking. "You trust me?"

Ranma stopped and looked back at Nabiki "Yeah, I mean you take all those photos and sell `em and stuff."

"You know about the photos?" Nabiki looked shocked.

"Yeah."

"For how long?"

"A while." He paused "I was really pissed off for a bit, but with all the damage and food and drink and medical bills and everything else I kinda figured I had to do somethin' to help out."

Nabiki stared open mouthed "You know?'

"Um yeah, like I said I had to do something. Ya know pops, he'd would never help, lazy panda."

"I have thought about selling him to a zoo." Offered Nabiki.

"Some days I've thought about spraying shaving foam in his mouth and calling animal control." Ranma smirked.

"Good idea. I'll remember that one." Nabiki said making a note in her journal

"Yeah well, I thought I get a bit of money from waitressing and stuff and you get that from blackmailing me and for selling me information, but it's not enough" Ranma hung his head and kicked a stone on the footpath towards the far horizon. "So I decided that, OK it causes a few problems but it helps, right?"

"Yes it helps." Nabiki said guiltily.

"Good. You know I like ya, don't ya." Ranma smiled shyly.

"You like me?"

"Yeah, I mean I trust you, you don't mallet me, you pay the bills, you don't mallet me, you can be nice when ya wanta and you don't hit me."

"You said I don't mallet you three times."

"I really like that you don't mallet me."

Nabiki smiled "Yes, well. I like you too Ranma, you're okay for a dumb jock."

`And probably like you more than I should.' Nabiki thought.

"Thanks."

They walked on for a while in companionable silence.

"You don't seem to be asking your father for training anymore."

"No I've decided there's nothing that he can teach me I can't learn myself."

"Really?"

Ranma smiled broadly "Oh yeah, I realised something recently about ki and I've been practicing a few things and I think I'm starting to get somewhere."

Nabiki looked across at Ranma "What are you up to Ranma?"

Ranma just smiled.

"Training from the old ghoul?"

"Well, since I started this whole learning bit, I've been thinking."

Nabiki arched an eyebrow at Ranma.

"I'm not dumb ya know!" he paused "You know. I'm trying' to speak better too."

"Thinking?"

"Oh yeah. Well, what I do, I've always just done stuff."

"The Nike poster boy." Nabiki chuckled.

"That's me. But you see everything I do has consequences. I eat at the Nekohanten, consequence: I get drugged. I never thought about that before, I just did it."

"So?"

"I don't wanta be drugged, trussed up and carried off to China."

"Good point. Even though I always thought you might enjoy being carried off by Shampoo."

Ranma looked about nervously "No way am I marrying Shampoo."

Nabiki looked curiously at Ranma.

"What would happen if I married to me if I married Shampoo, leave out your family, my family, Ukyou and everyone else, just me."

Nabiki thought for a moment "Honoured husband to a beautiful Chinese amazon, idyllic life in a remote Chinese village."

Ranma shook his head "There are no honoured husbands in an amazon marriage. I'd only be kept as breedin' stock. They don't want me just my kids. "Do want to be just a housewife?"

"I get your point. Why don't you just break it off somehow with Shampoo then?"

"How, declare that I'm marrying one of my other fiances and tell Shampoo to go home? What do you think would happen to my bride?"

"You don't think?"

"Obstacle is for killing." Ranma said in a passable imitation of Shampoo, he shrugged "If she got desperate, who knows?"

Nabiki nodded "OK, so no more lessons from Cologne. What about Happosai? Hasn't he taught you anything?"

"Well…."

"Well?"

"Yes, but I don't think you really want to…"

`Oh this has to be good' thought Nabiki "Come on Saotome show me."

"You really don't."

"Come on Saotome, show me" Nabiki teased "I insist."

Ranma swallowed, looked nervous and kept walking.

"Well?"

"Feelin' the breeze a little are we?"

"The breeze?" Nabiki said puzzled. She then noticed the small piece of cloth Ranma was holding out bundled up in his hand. The colour drained from Nabiki's face as she felt the breeze "Are they?"

Ranma looked nervously left and right "Um, yeah. You did insist, remember? I told you."

"Gimme." Nabiki said snatching her panties from Ranma. "Oh no, I can't move, I can't move."

"I told you. I told you. You can't move?" said a panicked Ranma.

"Of course I can't move, if I move my skirt might flip up and……..Ranma?" Nabiki glared at Ranma who seemed frozen.

Ranma's mind was either working overtime or had frozen completely, imagining the wind lifting Nabiki's skirt exposing her, no wait her panties were in scrunched up in her hand she had no….. it was at this point that Ranma's mind truly froze. Nabiki was naked under her skirt, this was both exciting and terrifying.

`Oh no' he thought `I am so dead.'

Nabiki still frozen to the spot held the small bundle of cloth in her hand out to Ranma "Put them back on!" she hissed.

"What?" Ranma said snapping out of his daze.

"Put.. them… back…. on…." Enunciated carefully,

Ranma's eyes assumed the size of dinner plates "Here?" he squeaked.

"Like you took them off!" Nabiki explained.

"I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Well, you know Happosai, why would he teach a technique for putting panties back on?"

"You're right. Aaaargh." Nabiki ground her teeth.

"I mean" Ranma was now twitching and shaking his head "I never even practised this, I…. How could I? What sort of techniques is this I thought, how could I, it's wrong. I'm bad, so bad " the rest was lost in an unintelligible mumble.

Ranma dropped to his knees with head bowed "I'M NOT A PERVERT!" he screamed.

Nabiki smiled nervously at the other pedestrians now gawking at her and Ranma. "Pre-exam nerves" she explained.

Blushing furiously Nabiki looked down where Ranma was kneeling at her feet "Don't look up." She whispered down at him.

"Huh?" Ranma said looking up, straight up, straight up Nabiki's skirt. "Aaargh, I'm so sorry, so sorry."

Ranma threw his hands up pressing Nabiki's skirt back against Nabiki's…"Aaaargh" he screamed throwing himself backwards covering his eyes with his hands.

If Nabiki was game to move she would have stalked over and slapped Ranma silly.

`Which probably is too long a trip at the moment' she thought `his brains are probably dribbling out his nose in a fountain of blood right now.'

"Ranma" she hissed "Ranma!"

Ranma peered between his fingers at her.

"Stand up and get over here."

Ranma stood up head bowed and moved over next to Nabiki.

"OK" Nabiki said "Here is what we do. I am going to clasp my hands together at the front of my skirt and hold the front of my skirt and you put you hand on my…"

"No no no no no no." Ranma said shaking his head looking at the people passing by looking curiously at the couple.

"Ranma!" Nabiki growled.

Ranma swallowed and reached over placing his hand lightly on the Nabiki's bottom while Nabiki clasped her hands at her front.

"OK, now we are going to move to that alley over there, we will move to the back of the alley, You will turn and provide me cover while I replace my undergarments. Do you understand?"

Ranma nodded.

Nabiki was beginning to recover from the initial shock of having her panties removed in public now and looking across at Ranma was beginning to see potential for fun or a little profit from this situation. `No' she thought `no profit Ranma trusts me and I did ask him to show me.' Nabiki smiled `Oh but I can get a little fun out of this.'

"Ranma!" Nabiki hissed out of the side of her mouth "We're supposed to be pretending to be girlfriend/boyfriend so try and act natural."

Ranma looked at Nabiki with large puppy dog eyes and swallowed.

Nabiki almost smiled at the terror in Ranma eyes when…….

"Eeeep?"

Ranma squeezed.

Nabiki's eyes widened. "This way…. now!"

* * *

"You know I'm going to have to get you back for that, don't you Ranma."

"You asked, you asked, didn't you ask?"

Nabiki looked at Ranma walking beside her and had to laugh at the panicked guilty expression on his face and decided to let him off the hook, for now.

"So why have you never practised that technique?"

"What? How? When? With who?" Ranma was obviously still on edge.

"Surely a martial artist like yourself would come up with other ways to use that technique. I thought you would take it as a challenge."

"A challenge!" Ranma's eyes lit up. "Hmmmm."

They walked in silence for a few minutes.

"Nabiki?"

"Yes Ranma."

"Here's your watch." Ranma said holding out a watch.

"My watch?" Nabiki said checking her wrist, it was empty and snatched the watched from Ranma's hand. "Hey my watch!"

"Oh and here's you diary." Ranma started handing Nabiki items which she though she was carrying. "Your purse, your locket, your watch, your hankie, your watch."

"Hey!"

"Your socks."

"Enough already."

Ranma had his familiar superior grin back.

"Hey Ranma" Nabiki smiled broadly "How much not to tell Akane about all of this?"

Ranma pulled out his wallet, which Nabiki gratefully received.

"I thought I could trust you." Said Ranma putting on his best puppy eyes, which was defeated by the wide grin on his face.

"You can" Nabiki replied grinning up at him "but I was thinking if I changed, it would just confuse you. Besides someone's got to pay the bills and for the moment I think it's us."

* * *

A few blocks from the dojo Nabiki got a phone call. One of Nabiki's associates had a new business opportunity to discuss and as Ranma had discovered listening to Nabiki on the walk an opportunity to make a little money either for repairs or the university funds could not be passed up.

Ranma had a smile on his face as he walked up to the dojo gates. His walk with Nabiki had been the highlight of his week and was well worth being malleted from one end of Nerima to the other for.

Akane was waiting for him as he reached the gate, Kasumi she explained had an errand for them to run and what took him so long.

Ranma employed his Ultimate Saotome Anything Goes Conversation technique, that is think before saying anything too stupid decided all he could safely say was "Where do we need to go Akane?" and off they went.

As they passed one of the many parks in Nerima they were greeted by a sight that was unusual enough that even natives of Nerima were casting the occasional curious glance. Near the centre of the park was Cologne tossing a short stick which was being chased by a cat that looked suspiciously like Shampoo.

`This' thought Akane `bears investigation.'

Ranma resisted, Ranma pleaded, but Akane fuelled by curiosity that could not be contained drug Ranma towards the Chinese amazon.

"Son-in-law."

Ranma peered at Cologne from where he was hiding behind Akane. "Cologne."

Akane watched Shampoo caper wildly in front of Cologne eyes fixed firmly on the stick Cologne held in her hands. "What is going on?" she eventually managed to gasp out as she watched wide-eyed as Shampoo galloped wildly after the stick jumping in the air to catch it in her mouth before trotting back.

"Dogs."

"Dogs?"

"Yes. In the way you are scared of cats. My granddaughter is scared of dogs."

Ranma mulled this over for a while from where he stood behind Akane, trying not to let the fear that was beginning to gnaw at him take control.

"So let me get this straight. Shampoo has learnt the Dog-Fist?" Ranma asked looking nervously at where Shampoo sat wagging her tail in front of Cologne.

"Yes." Cologne hissed throwing the stick she was holding across the park.

"But only as a cat?" Ranma mused watching Shampoo bound across the grass after the stick.

"Yes." Cologne said flatly.

"So Shampoo is cat that thinks she's a dog."

Shampoo had now retrieved the stick and head high displaying the retrieved stick trotting proudly back to Cologne. A squeak escaped Akane and Cologne glared at Akane who's eyes were wide and mouth was hidden behind her hands which were pressed tightly to her mouth.

"You" Cologne grated out between clenched teeth staring at Akane "had better not be laughing and yes Ranma my granddaughter is a cat that thinks she's a dog."

Akane snorted loudly into her hands shaking her head furiously and started edging away from a Cologne that was having difficulty maintaining control.

"So…. What's with the stick?" asked a clearly puzzled Ranma as Cologne again threw the stick away and Shampoo bounded away after it.

A few visitors to the area by this time were pointing and laughing, a few were even taking photographs.

Cologne gave a weary sigh "Have you ever given a dog a bath?"

"Ah… No."

"Well, they don't like it. I have been throwing this damned stick now for an hour and a half trying to tire her out so I can grab her and change her back." Shampoo dropped the stick at Colognes feet and jumped backwards out of Cologne's reach, eyes wide and tongue lolling out the side of her mouth Shampoo was the perfect picture of a delusional cat. "Do you know the mailman won't deliver mail to the Nekohanten anymore. The only reason he escaped is because dogs don't climb trees."

Akane's face had at this stage achieved a shade of crimson normally only achieved by pale skinned office workers after overdosing on sunshine on the first day of a tropical holiday.

"This is serious." Ranma said straight-faced.

Breath was now whistling through Akane's hands as she tried to contain the pressure from the laughter that had reached the point where it was looking to escape somehow. She was worried in fact that if the laughter did not escape by way of her mouth she would either break something or would create an incident she could never live down.

"Do you know what sort of dog she is?"

Cologne looked at Ranma with a look that could only be described as, exasperated beyond normal human endurance and in a tone as serious as Ranma's replied "Some sort of retriever. I believe."

Akane's eyes darted left and right seeking an escape and somehow managed to squeeze out a cry out "Gotta go. Gotta go" between her fingers and ran for the safety and cover of the crowded streets beyond the park.

* * *

Dog-Fist, Dog-Fu or Pluto-Ken was an ancient art first described in the writings of Herodatus. Originating among the barbarian tribes living in isolated areas deep in the wooded areas of what is now Germany. Herodatus learnt from the wise men of the barbarian tribes that travellers and traders brought news, gossip and this years flu from distant lands also traded in knowledge of the fighting arts and skills of other tribes.

One obscure tribe (at least to the barbarians), called the Eygptians had developed a fighting technique that was taught by throwing the student into a pit of starving cats while covered in fish products. The tribes people of then modern Germania (now ancient Germany) were so amazed by the stories of the feats of those who had studied this technique decided that this technique was for them.

Of course cats to a hulking fur covered barbarian were just a little too civilised, not to mention sissy girly, so the experimentation began.

The experiment with Bear-fu lasted less than half an hour, after which the bears were no longer hungry and the trainees no longer trainees, just lunch. Boar-fu, was also quickly marked off the list as unsuitable, there was one success but that was only in finding truffles.

There were experiments with cows, horses and chickens, the most difficult part was convincing cows, horses and chickens that fish products were suitable fodder for animals of their particular dining habits. After one wit commented that the experiment with chickens really laid an egg he was nominated for the next trial, dogs.

It was at this point someone wised up to the fact that maybe fish products were not suitable for all animals it was decided that the first major decision of the dog experiment was to be what do dogs eat.

Now as most people who come off the land will tell you dogs delight in eating just about anything. If it smells bad, looks like it tastes terrible and has been lying dead in a paddock for the past week and a half, to a dog at least it looks like it's going to taste good.

So it was the that the unfortunate test subject was rolled in stuff that only a half blind dog with no sense of smell and iron constitution would roll in and was thrown into the pit.

Failure No. 1: The dogs in the pit had good eyesight and a sense of smell. They left the pit, someone remarked that they climbed out on the smell. The experiment was postponed for a day until all the dogs could be caught and dropped into the now even deeper pit.

After Failure No. 17 it was decided that dogs also liked food that people liked to eat.

After tossing the test subject into pit thirty-seven times - SUCCESS!

Except for one small detail.

The world's first exponent of Dog-fu was channeling the spirit of a small terrier.

Tenancious, fearless, loyal and vicious in battle these were the qualities they were looking for. What they got was yapping, dug up gardens and a variety of unsavory social habits of which a tendency to sniff other peoples bottoms was the least disturbing.

It was decided afterwards that this wasn't really the thing for barbarians and they would just go back to the old favourites, hitting people over the head with large clubs, swords and axes and overpowering them with bad breath and really foul body odour.

Herodatus as could be expected at his publisher's request edited all of this out of the published version of his histories and instead worked it into his stand up act.

* * *

Having been abandoned by Akane, Ranma had no choice but to flee as well. He had no idea how he would cope when thinking he was a cat with a cat that thought it was a dog.

This incident he hoped was sufficiently strange, odd or crazy enough to satisfy Nerima's thirst for such goings on for at least a week. After all how much crazier could things get.

* * *

Kasumi was at war.

It had started not as with some wars with one incident which ignited the flames of war into a destructive force that laid waste to the landscape or this case the Tendo dojo. No, this was a guerilla campaign. A low scale campaign where one side struck from hiding while the other flailed away ineffectively struggling to draw the other into battle.

For nearly six weeks the war had been going on and Kasumi was losing.

The enemy remained unseen.

The enemy remained unknown.

The enemy could and did strike at will.

Without warning.

Without it seemed any logic.

But Kasumi could not and would not admit defeat. This house was her domain. She knew each corner of her domain, this arena of war.

But so to did her enemy it seemed.

It started quietly. When she was working about the house she heard noises, when she went to investigate there was nothing there. Then things went missing.

Mice she decided, possibly rats, she shuddered.

Now in the first breakthough of the campaign she had discovered her enemy's whereabouts.

After weeks of laying traps (sprung - no result) and laying baits (gone - no results) Kasumi thought about bringing in professional help.

Kasumi had debated whether bringing poison into the house was safe, after all when Akane was cooking who knows what could end up in the pot, wok or baking dish.

Kasumi had also debated whether she should ask for help from the members of the household but quickly discarded that idea, after all they needed the house and she did not know if the help they would provide would leave a house at the end of it.

There was one person she could turn to for help, it was just a matter of time before they showed up and then at last it would be her turn to go on the offensive.

The time had arrived.

"Oh my!" Kasumi cried clapping her hands together happily reaching down to pick up the small black pig wearing a bandana that had just appeared from underneath the lounge. "P-chan."

The small pig "Bweeee'd" happily as Kasumi sat down and held P-chan up to her face.

"Ryouga." Kasumi began, causing the little pigs face to fall. "We need to talk."

The pig stared at her. His look reminded her of a rabbit in the headlights, though she had never seen this look she imagined this would be the look.

"Ryouga, I am very unhappy with you." Kasumi frowned at the little pig "Now, I know your little secret and if Ranma hadn't sworn me to secrecy I would have told Akane by now."

P-chan shuddered and filed this failure of Ranma's honour to be added to an already overlong list of wrongdoings by Ranma.

"Now, I think it is about time you told Akane your little secret. I am sure that Ranma wants to have a word to you about this, after all he and I have talked about you and what he should do.' Kasumi looked sternly at P-chan. "This needs resolving don't you think?"

P-chan nodded enthusiastically.

"Good. So we won't need to talk about this again, will we?"

P-chan shook his head.

"Very good." Kasumi stood and carried P-chan over behind the stairs "Now Ryouga I have a little problem and I think you are just the one to help me. Do you see this hole here Ryouga?"

P-chan nodded as Kasumi pointed his head towards a hole in the wall at the back of the stairs.

"Something lives in there Ryouga. Something that I want to leave this house. It has been prowling about moving things, taking things and it must stop." She paused "Do you understand?" Kasumi placed P-chan on the floor in front of the hole.

P-chan shook his head.

Kasumi sighed "Somewhere in this hole something is living. I want it gone. You are going in after it."

P-chan nodded and jumping up on his hind legs produced a fair approximation of an offensive stance.

Kasumi clapped delightedly. "In you go then."

After five false starts Kasumi pushed P-chan into the hole in the wall and P-chan stealthily trotted down the cavity in the wall.

Ryouga seethed.

`Ranma Saotome for your crimes against me and the lovely Akane Tendo you must die' thought the little pig. `Obviously honour means nothing to Saotome.'

He then began listing the many faults of Ranma `He steals my bread, runs out on our duel like a coward, pushes me into the Pool of the Drowned Pig…'

So engrossed in listing Ranma's many crimes against him Ryouga or P-chan as he currently was did not notice the shape looming before him in the darkness.

Startled by the sudden stop as he walked straight into the looming figure P-chan rocked back on his haunches and looked up at the menacing figure above him.

A shape, tall and solid seemed to tower over him, could it be his imagination or were red eyes glowering down at him from the darkness. Ill-defined in the darkness the shape of Kasumi's enemy took on ever more frightening dimensions and features.

With a panicked "Bweeee!" P-chan bolted for the exit.

With a surety of direction not usually associated with the little pig P-chan shot through the hole under the stairs as fast as his short legs could carry him. Losing his footing on the polished floor as he turned to avoid Kasumi who waiting anxiously at the opening P-chan slid and rolled between Kasumi's legs and underneath a cabinet where he disappeared through one of those portals that plagued his life.

"Oh bother." Said Kasumi.

* * *

On their return to the dojo Akane and Ranma had split up. Ranma to perform a kata in the fading light of the afternoon sun and Akane to finish some homework she had outstanding. After only a few minutes Ranma was surprised to see Akane reappear.

"Oh Ranma."

"Yuh." Ranma turned around to see Akane glowing with a battle aura brighter than he had ever seen.

"Sayuri just rang me."

`Oh no' Ranma thought `this can't be good.'

"Sayuri." He echoed.

"On the phone."

"Phone."

"She was downtown earlier this afternoon."

"Afternoon."

"She said she saw you groping Nabiki." Akane snarled " You PERVERT!"

Akane ran at Ranma her mallet flashing into existence as she swung her hands back and started her downswing.

"I can explain." Ranma raised his hands as the mallet swung around towards him.

Once again Ranma flew out of the Tendo compound heading, westward towards the setting sun.

`Ah well, at least I won't have to listen to the pops telling me to apologise and Tendo-san crying for the next hour.'

* * *

The stone that Ranma had kicked earlier was a little put out.

He was a very special stone. He knew this because he told himself every day. To others he looked to be nothing more than just another stone, but many years ago he had been picked out of a mountain stream by a young boy.

Yes him. Other stones had been passed over, he was the one picked out, him. He had always had an inkling he was different and wasn't that he was irregularly shaped when all the other stones were worn smooth by the water.

No he was special.

He was taken away from the clear mountain and brought here to the big city where there were many people who could admire him and bask in the glow of his magnificent presence.

The boy had lost him. OK. He thought that was a set back but he had later realised that this was a part of his greater destiny. It was only here in this busy street that he would be found and his special nature would be recognised.

As it was all he could do was sit and wait for someone to wander by.

Wait here comes someone now.

Oh, yes. It was him.

The one who had defiled him. Kicked him. Exiled him to this barren corner of Nerima where no one would recognise the shining brilliance, the splendour of him.

`Vengeance is mine' cried the stone radiating hatred.

`Ranma Saotome' the stone thought `Prepare to die!'

* * *

Akane had hit him a long way this time. He had reached the outskirts of Nerima and it was going to take him about an hour walking to get back to the dojo.

`Ah well' he thought `I've a lot to think about.'

One of things Ranma had discovered about education and thinking was that he couldn't stop thinking. He though about everything. Why, how, where, when. Things were starting to make sense to him. This was a problem, because he didn't really realise how many problems he had until he started thinking, before he had just accepted them. Now he had problems that needed solutions.

One of the first solutions he had come up with was stop insulting Akane. This he had thought would stop the poundings by mallet. But no, they had continued, actually becoming more frequent as if it was worse to stop insulting her than continue insulting her as if stopping was just some plot.

OK, it was a plot but not to get at Akane, ever since he had started his experiment with learning.

`No that was wrong' he thought `it was like waking up. It's not an experiment it's a change in the way I see the world, the way I live my life and if she can't accept that then….what?'

`Maybe…. Maybe this is something I can discuss with mum? I mean the reason you get engaged is that you…… the consequence of engagement is …..marriage. What do I want in a wife?'

`Consequences' Ranma thought his mind jumping from one thought to another `That's the problem, I keep thinking about consequences, instead of dodging Akane I'm freezing, hello air travel. If I don't dodge wham! How dumb can I get? Of course if I don't dodge I only get hit once usually out of sight and by the time I get back she's calmed down.'

`I've realised stuff about girls, fiances and stuff. I'm not acting like me. I suppose it's making her uncomfortable. I don't love Akane. Why do I have to be in love. Maybe I shouldn't even think about love. Maybe I should just think who would make me the best wife?'

Suddenly Ranma dropped in a deceptively peaceful ready stance as he felt a …..threat? Turning around he felt something hostile, but saw no-one.

`Funny there's no-one here. Ah well time to go.'

As he stepped away Ranma trod on a small irregular shaped stone.

"Ouch" said Ranma.

`Revenge is sweet' thought the stone just before Ranma kicked it again sending it off towards the other end of Nerima.

* * *

Ryouga awoke with a headache, when the wormhole spat him out he was still travelling at speed and while tough his little piggy form was not quite as tough as his uncursed form. How long he was unconscious he did not know, what he did know was that Ranma Saotome was to blame.

Sometime ago Ryouga had started keeping a journal of the crimes Ranma Saotome had committed, now in it's third volume after today another two pages of offences at least would be added.

`Is there no God?' wailed the little pig `Why must I be tortured so?'

Sighing deeply Ryouga struggled to his feet and poked his head out to try and discover where he had ended up this time.

`This place' he thought `is familiar. An incredible amount of pink, even the clock was pink,

`Four hours, I've been out for four hours…….Saotome you will pay for this. Wait a minute……… Pink! Oh no!'

"Charlotte!"

`Ranma Saotome' the little pig cried as Asuza picked him up and hugged him to her breast `because of you I've seen hell!'

`You and me both brother' thought the irregularly shaped stone, now painted pink, resting on a low shelf. `You and me both.'

* * *

Changes Chapter 2 Page 16 of 1