Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Changes ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )

Chapter Three

The golf experiment continued over the next few days. Akane seemed to have fallen in love with golf, surprising everyone including Ranma. The time Akane usually spent breaking bricks diminished as Akane spent time practising her swing or practising putting.

Akane had even started learning the lesson of keeping her temper, staying calm and using finesse over power. Unfortunately this did not spill over into the world outside of the golf driving range. The biggest change in Akane's behviour however was that now that instead of a mallet, Akane usually pulled a golf club out of, well wherever she pulled mallets from, and drove, pitched and on rare occasions putted Ranma towards the horizon.

The part that had Nabiki in stitches and possibly annoyed Akane the most was that when Ranma returned from his flight he gave a review of her swing, what was wrong, what was right and how to fix it. This often lead to a second and sometimes third flight.

* * *

Nabiki lay back on her bed staring at the ceiling, a small smile playing across her lips as she replayed the first visit to the driving range in her mind.

Only this time Akane wasn't there. Now when Ranma demonstrated the grip, instead of backing away he stayed close. He released his grip on her hands and ran his hands up her arms, his fingertips softly caressing her arms.

He breathed softly in her ear, nibbling softly on her earlobe as his hands moved up onto her shoulders and then down her sides sooooo slowly until his hands rested on her hips, pressing her back against his warmth. She sighed as his hands move upwards yet again feather-light teasing her as they crossed her stomach and still travelled upwards.

She turned her head, her lips parted as he lowered his mouth to hers and he called out in Kasumi's voice "Nabiki dinners on the table."

"Damn" Nabiki sighed "I've got to stop this or I'll end up falling for that dumb jock."

`The trouble is' some part of her thought `it's already too late.'

* * *

Meal times at the Tendo residence had become a little strained of late.

Kasumi was finding that her on-going battle with her as yet unseen enemy was beginning to wear her out. Combat fatigue was starting to show and Kasumi had actually snapped at Genma for stealing from other peoples' plates.

Now while Genma was generally immune to all criticisms, Kasumi was the one person apart from his wife who could frighten him. While his wife hung the threat of seppuku over his head, Kasumi even more importantly controlled the food.

If someone had, and various people had thought about it, modifying Genma's behaviour or training Genma in good manners they would have found that he like a lot of animals was motivated almost entirely by food. Now if you consider the basic needs of all men, women and animals they all have basic needs. Food, shelter and clothing (if you're people, animals aren't much fussed on clothes).

Genma however could forego shelter and in his panda form clothes. Not requiring clothes as a panda was seen by Genma as a plus, the major downside for Genma in being a panda was being unable to order at the better restaurants. After he had visited some of the not so good restaurants he wasn't allowed order much less back through the front, side or back door. either.

But this was all neither here nor there.

Kasumi had snapped at him and threatened not to feed him for a week if he didn't stop trying to steal food from other peoples' plates.

It should also be noted at this point that Ranma had been doing his best to protect the plates of others around the table. But the sum effect of Genma's and Ranma's chopsticks flying willy nilly around the table in a mad mazurka of food redistribution and interdiction was that the process of eating for the Tendo household was becoming rather hazardous.

As Nabiki said "It's all good fun until someone loses an eye."

So mealtime, if you discounted the air of tension, was peaceful. Too peaceful as no-one was now game to speak other than to say `please', `thank you' or `growlf'.

Ranma had started eating somewhat slower as for the first time in memory his food wasn't about to disappear onto someone else's plate. Some dim memory remained of his childhood where meal times were a pleasant experience where his mother presided over a peaceful table but years of speed training/food theft had all but driven these memories away.

Unfortunately for the peaceful mealtime, the one of the first since the arrival of the Saotomes, there was about to be an appearance that would make this mealtime…….. memorable.

* * *

In the dark and dank recesses of the walls of the Tendo home Kasumi's enemy lived.

It cannot be said that Kasumi's enemy schemed and plotted because the thought of scheming and/or plotting had not troubled the mind of her adversary. The adversary, who would one day be called Teri, and for simplicities sake will henceforth be called Teri, did not until a few months ago have the capacity to either scheme or plot.

For until only a few months ago awareness had not yet dawned on Teri. That perhaps may not be quite correct, because until a couple of months ago Teri was aware in the same manner of a dog. But on that fateful day, a few months ago, on a Tuesday to be precise, Teri tried to be precise, the torch of true intelligence flickered on.

With intelligence came an immense curiosity about the world. So Teri began exploring the world when something caught Teri's eye it was drug back to his home where he could examine it more closely, of course not everything could be drug back home so some things had to be examined in-situ, moved, rotated, pushed and pulled.

The television was the most amazing thing and though Teri spoke softly, Teri learnt to speak from watching the television. Of course this explained the voices in Soun's head as the voice talking to Soun was actually practising his speech.

But now the time had come to venture forth.

Out there in what Teri knew to be the dining area, someone important sat with the rest of the people who shared the house.

It was time to say hello.

* * *

Akane had had an interesting day.

After school she had headed over to the golf driving range to practise her driving. She had to admit that Ranma's golfing idea was a good one. Though why he would think she had a bad temper was beyond her, there was nothing wrong with her temper if Ranma didn't provoke her.

Like today, Ranma had actually come out and said they should play around.

Akane felt she was fully justified in launching Ranma towards the far end of Furinkan High. When Sayuri had mentioned that maybe he had meant `a round of golf' Akane angrily replied `then why didn't he say so?'

Then a girl walking by who had overheard the conversation said `He can play around with me anytime he wants!' Akane started to see red once again so that when Ranma returned he was again launched towards the outer reaches of Furinkan High.

She was still three blocks from the driving range when she ran into Ryouga. Pale and shivering he kept glancing over his shoulder nervously and muttering.

`She's going to kill me." Ryouga gasped as he clutched Akane by the shoulders and then clung to her like a drowning man.

"Who's going to kill you Ryouga?" Akane asked concerned.

"Shampoo!" Ryouga whimpered glancing about nervously.

"What? How? Why?" Akane gasped shocked.

Akane was very sorry she asked, as an obviously distraught Ryouga gave her an unexpurgated run down on exactly what Shampoo did to him and was doing to him every chance she got to drag him away into some bushes, a closet or just about anywhere slightly out of the way.

Akane went pale, red, pale red and then that colour red that's slightly redder than a firetruck as Ryouga's tale of woe went on. And on. And on.

Finally she could take no more, he mind awash with tortured visions of Ryouga and Shampoo writhing together performing acts that even she imagined that hentai's would draw the line at.

Pushing Ryouga away and drawing her three iron in one smooth motion and with a swing that would make even the most seasoned golf professional weep with envy Akane launched Ryouga skyward with a cry of "Ryouga no hentai!"

Akane stood unmoving, shudders wracked her body as she tried to purge her mind of pictures of Ryouga and Shampoo, her expression was still haunted as Shampoo came running up to her.

"You see Airen?" Shampoo asked grabbing Akane and looking intently at her.

Shampoo's expression decided Akane was somewhere between deliriously happy, concerned and `Oh Kami-sama' thought Akane fearfully `hungry.'

Akane was still partially frozen by Ryouga's tale of woe and debauchery. The fear that had begun to creep into Akane's mind was beginning to be replaced by terror.

`If she can't find Ryouga' Akane thought `maybe she'll turn on the closest person to her and THAT'S ME!'

Akane swallowed and while backing up waved her hand vaguely in the direction she had driven Ryouga with a three iron only moments before and prayed that Shampoo would just go.

`In fact' thought Akane `I'll help.'

Again drawing her three iron Akane sent Shampoo off in the same direction as Ryouga.

Shampoo was initially shocked by what had happened, in fact her first thought was `when did stupid violent girl start using funny sticks instead of mallet?'

The second was `How does she get such good distance? Must talk to mallet girl and use technique on Mousse.'

The third thought was `there is Airen, if I twist just so I catch Airen!'

"Thank you kitchen destroyer girl!" cried Shampoo as she started her descent.

Akane shuddered as her mind was again tortured by visions of Shampoo and Ryouga, she had to get to the driving range. Ranma was right , the sweet purity of the golfing kata, a clear mind, peace, relaxation, calm, the perfect swing and sweet sound of a perfectly timed stroke.

"Stroke!" Akane screamed as further visions of Ryouga and Shampoo returned to haunt her.

`Why, oh why did he need to tell me all that?' Akane's mind was in turmoil. `Boys they're all perverts

It was only after she had driven five buckets of practise balls out onto the practise fairway that Akane was able to get the visions of Ryouga and Shampoo in the park together out of her mind.

Calm was once again returning to her mind, her breathing eased as her mind was emptied and the peaceful calm of the golfing kata drove all extraneous thoughts from her mind.

`Didn't they know about the timed sprinkler system in the park." Akane wailed as she saw the sprinking system start to water the practise fairway..

As she returned to the pro shop, the other golfers cringed in fear from the troubled young woman.

* * *

Teri made his appearance. There was no fanfare Teri just walked out into the room and stood and waited for someone to notice.

Unfortunately Kasumi was the first to notice. It took her only a moment to realise who or more importantly what this was.

Kasumi ran for the kitchen screaming "It's it. It's it.!"

As one the rest of the table turned and watched Kasumi flee the room and then like a crowd at the tennis swivelled their heads back to the new arrival.

Nabiki gaped a the figure standing before them "What is that?"

Roughly eighteen inches tall and shaped like an adult male wearing casual clothes Teri stood casually looking at the Tendos and Saotomes. His skin was a dark brown colour, almost mahogany and shone like it was polished, a subtle grain could be observed through the sheen. His eyes were the same colour as the rest of him, in fact he looked just like an eighteen inch tall statue of a man.

Teri smiled showing his teeth, which were of the same colour as the rest of him and spoke in a clear soft voice, reminiscent of the well modulated tones of a newsreader.

"Hello."

"It's a demon from hell!" shrieked Soun "my poor daughters' soul's will be stripped from them by foul demons. Now our families will never be joined!"

Genma in his ultimate panda defense technique conjured a sign saying `Pandas don't have soul's. Take my sons instead."

Akane pulled out her three iron, rapidly becoming her favourite club, figuring that the lower trajectory provided by the three iron would put either the strange figure or Genma through the doorway rather than the roof saving on repairs. The only problem was which one should she get rid of first.

Nabiki looked at Ranma.

`After all, all the craziness in Nerima usually has something to do with him.' Nabiki thought `If anyone can figure out what this is about it will be Ranma.'

Ranma rolled his eyes as he spotted his father's sign and went back to studying the figure before him. He scratched the back of his head as he leant forward, the small figure smiled at him, he smiled back.

`Something about this little fellow is awfully familiar' Ranma thought. `But what is it?'

Ranma stood up, still scratching the back of head.

"Wait a minute." Ranma finally spoke, his face suddenly alight with comprehension "that's Akane's chicken teriyaki!"

"What?! How dare you pick on my cooking." Akane snarled forgetting their visitor for a moment.

Genma too leant forward for a closer look at the small figure.

"Growlf" said Genma holding a sign that read `The boy's right!"

Akane's eyes narrowed "You too eh?"

`They're probably right Akane" Nabiki smirked "Nobody knows food like those two."

Akane turned on Nabiki just in time to catch the sight of dishevelled Kasumi running from kitchen with a large chef's knife raised above her head. Her eyes were wild, her hair had seemly been rearranged by Mad Woman of the Woods: Hairdressers to the Possessed and Evil Witches, all that was missing was the obligatory twigs and perhaps a small bird or two. In a magical transformation worthy of any number of magical girls, Kasumi's dress had in a matter of moments been transformed into a grey featureless sack adding to the otherworldly image.

Soun, weakened by the shock of their visitor fainted at the sight of the madwoman who had taken the place of his eldest daughter.

Genma fled through the side wall leaving a panda shaped hole, throwing signs behind him as he ran.

`She's possessed.'

`I'm an escaped panda, lock me up someplace safe.'

and even.

`I'll never steal food again.'

Akane stood stunned as Ranma and Nabiki threw themselves at Kasumi and wrestled her to the ground,. Some small part of her mind, running on automatic catalogued each time Ranma's hands appeared to roam or rest anywhere on Kasumi's body that could be considered inappropriate for later use. Her gaze roamed from her father, passed out on the floor, Kasum, Nabiki and Ranma rolling wildly on the floor the knife gleaming as it caught the light and their newest visitor who had quietly moved over to stand directly in front of her.

Akane looked down at the small figure who looked calmly back up at her.

And then it spoke again "Momma."

* * *

If life was a movie, this would have been the time for one of those John Woo shots where time stops and the camera whirls around the frozen scene.

Life in this case imitated art, as all of the inhabitants of the room froze in place.

* * *

Kasumi had eventually been calmed down and went upstairs to change and do her hair.

Ranma and Nabiki sat down with Teri and decided, along with Teri that they couldn't very well call him `Akane's chicken teriyaki' and decided to call him Teri.

Though Ranma didn't know it, he was quite popular with Teri, OK Ranma was fighting with Teri's mother all the time, but he hadn't eaten him and that counted for a lot. Of course his mother, he really liked her, had tried to feed him to Ranma, but everyone was allowed one mistake.

So Teri was quite comfortable sitting talking to Ranma and Nabiki until Kasumi returned and joined in the conversation, though Kasumi was still a little nervous.

Soun lay passed out on the floor for a good fifteen minutes before he came to, he took his usual spot at the table and sat stunned.

Akane they left standing where she was.

* * *

Genma Saotome wasn't having a good night.

On the plus side he had escaped having his soul sucked out my Akane's cooking, managed to evade death from the demon Kasumi that had emerged from the kitchen and had eaten a good meal.

On the down side, he had nearly had his soul sucked out by Akane's cooking, nearly been made into a panda rug by a demon Kasumi and was currently locked in the back of a truck taking him to London to be part of a panda breeding programme.

Genma looked sadly across at the other panda sitting in a similarly dejected state in the other cage.

The other panda who liked to be called Frank but was called Gin Gin by the zoo staff held up a sign `Curse?'

`Yes' Genma replied via sign `You?'

`No I'm a panda.'

"Growlf?"

`Gotta use signs, no proper vocal chords.'

Genma nodded numbly.

They travelled for a while, without exchanging any signs.

Boredom started to set in so Genma in the hope of starting a little conversation held up another sign `Breeding programme eh? Could be a good life for a panda.'

`I'm gay' was the reply.

Genma swallowed and backed himself up against his cage facing the other panda wide-eyed.

They travelled in silence, Genma trying to back himself through his cage while Frank watched him in amusement. After they had travelled several more city blocks, Frank pulled out a harmonica that he had tied to a string looped around his neck and began to softly play.

Genma watched, listened and then held up another sign.

`Nobody knows the trouble I've seen……………..'

* * *

The rest of the evening passed in relative calm.

Kasumi found as the night wore on that Teri was both charming and polite.

`Ranma' she thought `could take lessons, in fact I think I will suggest it.'

Nabiki liked Teri from the start. It was just more proof that weirdness and craziness followed Ranma like night followed day. It didn't appear that Teri brought any additional trouble with him and he didn't seem to need to eat or drink, so no increase in costs.

`Even if he did cause an increase in costs' Nabiki thought watching Teri, Ranma and Kasumi talking `I think he could be worth it. For novelty value if nothing else.'

Nabiki glanced across at Akane still standing stunned in the middle of the room. `She' Nabiki thought has been very unsettled since Ranma started paying attention in school and this won't help either. I think I'll have to get Kasumi to talk to her before too long or she's goning to go right off the deep end.'

Soun Tendo hovered between joy at having a grandchild, horror at it being an ambulent chicken teriyaki and worry that a child born out of wedlock would damage the prospects of his daughter.

Ranma found that this was the first time he actually liked Akane's cooking.

Akane never moved from where Teri first spoke to her, Kasumi came back down at two in the morning and helped her to bed.

* * *

Chicken teiryaki no matter how cultured and well spoken is not something that should be let roam the streets by itself and after much persuasion Teri was convinced that school might not be the right place for him.

As they walked off to school Akane, Nabiki and Ranma talked about the latest resident at the Tendo dojo Akane commented that "At least some people know how to behave."

Ranma leant across and whispered into Nabiki's ear.

"What was that?" Akane yelled as Nabiki started laughing.

"Nothing" Ranma replied backing away nervously.

"Really, well neither's this!" snarled Akane launching Ranma skywards.

As Ranma sailed up and past the rooftops he called back to Akane "You're lifting your head."

Akane looked disgusted, glared at Nabiki and said "I hate it when he does that."

Nabiki just laughed.

Akane glared back.

"OK. What did he say to you?"

Nabiki laughed and held up her hand to Akane as she tried to control herself "Wait, wait just a bit."

Nabiki's laughter subsided and still snickering shook herself and said "He said you made a good chicken teriyaki."

Akane blinked.

"Oh" Akane blinked again "You know that is kind of funny."