Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Close Encounters of the One Half Kind ❯ Fights are Not for Girls ( Chapter 9 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Yes! Finally chapter 9 has arrived!

I bet you're wondering if this chapter is going to be like chapter 7 with nothing partaining to the plot, or chapter 8 where it made at least a bit of sense...

Well I don't even know what style it will be in, I just write as I go and use any strange ideas that pop into my head. So I'm not a real writerish person... I'm just really strangly in tune to the strange things that can happen in life.

So you'll learn just a bit slower than me... but you'll learn... (shoves the book of insanity translations into the reader's arms) For my wacky inserts you don't understand.

Off we goooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

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"So... why exactly did you come?" Akane asks Michael, slightly afraid that he'll hit her with his plunger, which he recently used when he clogged up the toilet and caused Elora to run away screaming.

"Oh yeah... almost forgot about that" Michael replies shoving a big mac into his already full mouth. "Yo, Karen... and... her friends..."

Karen and the others walk over to Michael, Karen having Happosai in a headlock trying to get him to return her bra.

"I was sent by the author to tell you that you need to gather up money and come home"

"WHAT?!?!?! WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST CALL US?!?!" Jessica yells, having gone into the lethal stage of anger,"NOW WE HAVE TO PAY FOR YOUR EXPENCES TOO!!!"

"Oh yeah... didn't think about that..." Michael says, a sweatdrop appearing on his head.

Karen, now having her bra back, uses Happosai to hit Michael over the head. "YOU IDIOT!!!"

Wyatt shoots up from nowhere holding a small canadian flag, "You rang?"

"No..." Karen says as she pulls out a large whack a mole mallet.

While Karen is busy trying to hit Wyatt back to Canada, the principal's voice comes over the loud speaker.

"Aloha all you little buddas! Da city is doin' a little contest where any un who knows how to fight with no weapons is welcome... cept for da girls... the city says dat dis fight is too extreme for dem, therfore they cannot compete. The prize is $6,000,000. Dat is all"

"What?!" Karen asks, obviously pissed, "That's not fair!"

"Yeah, I know!" Elora agrees, "You and me are the only ones of the 6 of us who can fight like that!"

"Are you saying me and Shawn are too stupid to learn to fight?!" Johnathan asks, infuriated.

"....yes... I believe they were." Renee simply states.

"Grrrr! Why I oughtta!" Johnathan tries to run at her, then realizes that Shawn isn't holding him back. "SHAWN! This is supposed to look convincing!"

"Oh, right" Shawn reaches out and using his acting skills to make it look like he's struggling to hold Johnathan back and accidentally pulls off his pants in the process. "Woah... what's with the frilly pink panties?"

"Uh... uh... I uh.... LOOK!!! A FLYING RUDABEGA!!!"

Everyone looks to see a vegitable with wings soar past the window.

"Wait a second..." Elora says looking closely at the flying produce, "That's a painted piggy on a string hanging from a tree..."

"P-CHAN!!!" Akane shrieks running out of the classroom to the school grounds where Ryo- er.. I mean her pet piggy is.

"Ok... back to our ranting about how we can't be in the tounament." Karen says turning back to Elora.

"You know, if we came up with disguises, we might be able to get in..."

"Pah! You couldn't even get in it if you tried!" Ranma says smugly knowing he can be somewhere they can't. "If you got rid of the boobs you'd look the part without using make-up materials and such."

1 hour after he says this, some other students find him in the boys bathroom with his head stuffed in a urinal and a sign taped over the urinal stating: 'Flush, this one but don't remove the contents. The result will be a fun science fair exibit. Signed: The Psyco Girls of the Tendo Dojo'

They didn't flush it, sadly enough... though it did take a lot of glue remover to take off all of the superglue they used shoving him up there.

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back at the dojo

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"How DID you manage to shove that boys head in there?" Soun asks the girls as Ranma glares at them from across the room.

"Well, it took lotion, superglue, a muscle relaxant, and a POWERFUL laxative." Elora explains

"And don't even ask about that last one... it's NOT a pretty story..." Karen adds with an evil grin at Ranma who now is red with a combination of anger and embarressment.

"So I was a little constipated!" Renee shoots behind the girls.

Shawn slaps her across the head, "You ruined the whole prank!"

"Really? I'm sorry."

"Must... destroy... FUN SUCKER!!!" Jessica screams and attacks Renee with a snow shovel.

Soun, amused by the 7 strange new arrivals, laughs then turns back to Karen and Elora, "You know, if you two were boys, I'd have you marry my daughters and kick Ranma out the door."

Panda Genma spits out water and holds up a sign that says, 'You're kidding... right?'

"INFIDEL!!! I AM NO BOY!!!" Elora shrieks as both her and Karen whip out their flamethrowers.

"FLAMING TORNADO!!!" They yell in unision firing at the same time causing their slightly different colored flames to entwine into a spiral. The intensely hot flames hit Soun and scorch his flesh while burning holes in his robes.

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Kasumi has sent Shawn, Renee, Jessica, and Johnathan to various stores, while Elora, Karen, and Michael sit in the room designated to the three of them for their stay.

"Why does he have to be in here? Can't him, Johnathan, and Shawn be in the same room and Jessica or Renee be in here?" Elora asks glaring at Michael as he stuffs his face with the food from the refridgerator he stole from downstairs when no one was looking.

"For three reasons: 1, he's my brother. 2, the boys are afraid he'll eat them while they sleep. And 3, he's really good at unclogging the toilet."

"Hmm... ok... but I'm only keeping him around because of my fear of over flowing toilets"

Toilet flushes in the other room and water seeps under the door.

"GHAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" Elora screams jumping on Karen's back to avoid the water.

Kasumi peeks out from behind the door, "Sorry, I was mopping and I leaned on the flushing handle and knocked the bucket over."

"Where was the clang if that's true?!" Elora asks refusing to come down off of Karen's back.

Kasumi holds up a plastic mop bucket

"Oh..."

"Yes, yes, wonderful, your nightmare is over." Karen says with a tone of sarcasm, "NOW CAN YOU GET OFF MY BACK?!"

"Oh yeah..."

Karen runs into the bathroom with 20 extra plugs air freshiners and 10 rolls of toilet paper.

"Woah, you must have to go bad..." Elora says through the door.

Karen walks out without using the bathroom, "Oh no, this is all for Michael, he found enchiladas in there" She says pointing at the now empty fridge.

"... I'm going to Jessi and Renee's room... good luck..."

"Don't worry, it only lasts for half an hour and it shouldn't start till..." Karen drifts off as she looks at her watch, "...Now!"

Michael shoots up cross eyed and with a look of pain.

"RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!" Karen screams, her and Elora running as fast as they can out the door.

Half an hour later, they are back in their room, Elora having a clothes-pin on her nose, not trusting Karen when she says that the smell is gone.

"Ok, now, minds out of the gutter... lets think about how we can get into that tournament..." Karen says calmly... for once..., "I'm gonna kill you author!" But you're me. "Oh yeah..." Karen punches herself in the face. "Now, back to sanity... or as close as we're gonna get for this chapter..."

"What's the point of trying to enter! Ranma's right, the only way we'd be able to enter and win that would be to hire someone else, or make ourselves into boys!" Elora says folding her arms across her chest.

Screen shot to outside where a loud BAMM is heard and re-enter to find Elora crunched into the wall and Michael sitting in the cup of the plunger.

"THAT'S IT!!!" Karen yells with an over happy chibi face.

"WHY DID YOU SLAM ME INTO THE WALL IF YOU AGREED WITH ME?!?!" Elora shrieks, "By the way... what are you agreeing with?"

"I can't tell you while the readers are in reading range! Besides, the others aren't back yet, and it would dissolve the fun of making you wait.


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Karen's hiring someone to fight for them Ranma finds listening to them through the door of the room. But how can he be sure the girls aren't crazy enough to actually try to disguise themselves as boys? I'm sure what the answer to what they're doing is. But I'm not telling cuz I love making you wait! >:D


Chapter 10: A new student