Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ How Ryoga Met Your Mother ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Pangoria Fallstar 
Life changing events, and missed opportunities lead to an inevitable conclusion, as Ryoga meets his future wife.
Anime/Manga: Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Romance | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 07.25.2010 | Pages: 7 | Words: 7.6K | Visits: 618 | Status: Completed
Life changing events, and missed opportunities lead to an inevitable conclusion, as Ryoga meets his future wife.
Anime/Manga: Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Romance | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 07.25.2010 | Pages: 7 | Words: 7.6K | Visits: 618 | Status: Completed
I do not own Ranma 1/2
***
Ryoga waits for his kids outside of Fujinomiya High School. His graying hair resists the
howl of wind in the cold winter air. Ryoga decides to lean against the wall, facing away
from the school. The bell rings, and a few minutes later his kids walk past him, arguing,
and do not notice their father following them.
Instinctively, Ryoga's son dodges the attack from his sister. He leans almost ninety
degrees backwards as her backpack arcs through the air, the force creating a vacuum blade
that cuts a tree on the other side of the street in half. He stands back up and sticks his
tongue out at her, "Your swing is as wide as your mouth, 'Que boca'!"
Kibouka slams her fist into her brother's face, the impact sending him across the street,
skipping once half way there, before slamming into a thick concrete wall. Quickly taking out
a talisman from her subspace pocket, she chants a spell, and sends a column of flame to
descend on her brother. Feeling a tap on her shoulder, she turns, sees her father, and
quickly cancels the spell before her brother gets burned.
Embarrassment flushes her face, her mind quickly trying to justify a reason to incinerate
her brother. She weakly smiles at her father, and says, "My name isn't pronounced 'que
boca', it's pronounced 'ki-bo-ka', you'd think he'd get that after all these years, huh daddy?"
Ryoga sighs at his daughter trying to look cute behind her thick eyelashes. Soon his son
joins them, and Ryoga looks sternly at him and chastises him, "How many times have I told
you not to tease your sister, we named you, Hogoshaku, because we thought you'd be able
to protect her, instead you're her biggest threat."
Hogoshaku sighs and apologizes to his sister. With a big smile she "gratefully" accepts.
Ryoga leads them to a nearby KFC, and they decide to eat there. Excitedly, and innocently
they order their food, never realizing its all an elaborate trap set by their father.
It isn't until their mouths are full and he starts telling his story, that they realize the
mistake they made. They are trapped, and now they are going to spend the next two hours
listening to the tale, of how their father eventually meets their mother. With luck, this
would be the last one. Ryoga smiles and begins, "When I first started developing Anything
Goes Architecture Martial Arts, I had some unique training exercises. Things that would
never be used when teaching the style today."
Ryoga shifts in his seat, getting more comfortable, "I had a coffee maker called Old
Sparky. Whenever I used it, I'd be shocked, and it would allow me to study the flow of
currents in the apartment complex. I was working on how to map out the pathways to help
with my sense of direction. Sometimes I'd run the water from the faucet, while trying to
stare into it. Other times, I'd go to construction sites, and lift beams, and crush boulders. I
remember, it was near the beginning of December, and I was practicing with Old Sparky,
when Aunt Lily came home with Aunt Akane, and told us that her apartment was gone."
"Wait," Kibouka interrupts her father, "didn't Aunt Lily live with you and Uncle Marshal?"
"Actually, before that, no, she had her own place, she just never really went there,"
Ryoga answers, "She had gone by to pick up some winter clothes."
***
"Good Morning," Ryoga greeted Marshal, as he walked over to the kitchen. Marshal gave
a reply, as he sat on the couch, his ninja quickly dispatching some demons on screen.
Ryoga did some quick warm up exercises before going in, he took Old Sparky, an ancient
electric coffee maker, from the shelf. Developed in the Mountains of Tibet, by the lunatic
inventor, Taban, Old Sparky was made completely of steel, and conducted the electricity
from any plug you put it into through the unit, and into the owner.
Ryoga gave Marshal a warning that he was about to plug in Old Sparky. Quickly saving
his game, Marshal waited, while Ryoga proceeded to pump 120 volts for the entire brew of
the coffee. "Getting any further with that training there Ryoga?" Marshal asked, as Ryoga
quickly recovered from his electrocution.
His heart accelerated, as darkness surrounded Ryoga. Currents of electricity sprang to
life. Ryoga turned to Marshal, seeing his body's electric field. Ryoga saw from behind, that
two people were coming up the stairs. Ryoga smiled at Marshal, and calmly said, "We have
visitors."
As the last syllable left Ryoga's lips, the front door opened, and Marshal jumped,
astonishment written all over his face. Lily and Akane walked in through the door, as
Marshal stared at his arm, "Dude, goosebumps."
Ryoga blinked, and staggered, as his vision returned to normal. Rubbing his eyes, he
poured some coffee as he greeted the two girls who had just come in. He could tell Lily was
upset, as she flopped on the couch. Curious, despite the discovery of a new technique, he
asked her what was wrong.
Lily finally reacted to Ryoga's probing, and after noticing Marshal's concern, she began to
gather her thoughts. She tried to answer but couldn't quite begin explaining the events that
happened earlier that morning. Finally, Akane volunteered the answer.
"She lost her apartment," Akane sat next to Ryoga on the love seat, and took his coffee
from him. She took a sip as Marshal began asking Lily what had happened. She spit the
coffee back into the cup, nausea bringing bile to her throat, and returned the cup to Ryoga.
Ryoga gave Akane a disapproving glare and set the cup down on the table, trying not to
think about what it now contained. Akane returned his gaze as if saying, "What did you
expect, it tastes rusty."
After finally putting all her words together, Lily explained how she had lost her home.
***
Lily stared at what used to be her apartment. The sign above it was unintelligible. Her
wide eyes came down to the sign inviting people into her apartment. The front door was
replaced by a glass door. A sign on the window that used to be a wall said, "Japanese
Pizza". Lily couldn't even imagine what would make a pizza suddenly so Japanese, or why
they would need to invade her apartment to sell it.
Akane was confused, but waited until Lily cleared things up. Maybe, Lily was hungry, or
lost, or even confused by what the sign said. So Akane did her best to clear it up, "It says,
okonomiyaki. It's a food dish from Japan. I had it a few times, it's pretty good. Do you
want to go in and try some before we go to your apartment?"
Lily stifled a scream. She took a deep breath and choked a little bit. She finally looked
over at Akane and explained, "But you see, this is my apartment. They replaced it with this
eatery."
Akane was still confused, she didn't know how to respond. Seeing Lily going into the
store, she followed. The place was quietly busy, mostly businessmen eating some
breakfast. From behind the grill they were greeted by a cheerful, and energetic Japanese
welcome.
Lily didn't even respond. She looked around, seeing people eating off of her plates.
Drinking out of her cups. Finally the last straw, on the floor, was a stain from where she
had dropped nail polish. "See right there, that red spot!" She showed it to Akane.
Suddenly the chef came from behind the counter. Her brown hair was tied back with a
white bow. She looked at Lily as if she was an illusion then finally greeted her, "Hello, Lily.
It's good to finally see you!"
Lily looked at the woman, trying to remember where she might know her from. Nothing
came to mind. Finally deciding that she didn't know who the chef was, Lily asked her, "I
don't know you. How do you know me?"
The woman apologized and bowed down briefly, "Sorry, I'm Ukyo, this is my restaurant.
I recognize you from your pictures."
Finally, someone else who knew that this was supposed to be her living room. Lily knew
she was finally going to solve this mystery invasion. She asked, "What happened to my
apartment? I kept up with my rent payments, and I know I didn't have a lease agreement
per se, but Mrs. Ikouku would remember me. She was really old, but she wouldn't of
forgotten me."
Lily paused. Something was wrong. It had been three months since she had visited her
apartment. If it was gone, then only one truth remained, no matter how horrible. "She's
dead isn't she?"
Ukyo nodded, "I'm sorry sugar, but, she died, we bought up the lease from the Realtors.
Here I have some of your things you can take."
***
The food was halfway gone by the time Ryoga finishes retelling the events leading up to
Lily moving in with him back in 2005. His son is gnawing away on a chicken leg, while his
daughter is dipping some chicken strips into some honey mustard.
Hogoshaku finishes swallowing before asking, "How much could things change though? I
mean, you said so yourself, you guys practically lived together anyways."
Ryoga nods, understanding where his son is coming from. He continues his explanation,
"You see, when she was just visiting, she didn't have any of her things there. But with the
move, she brought her perfectly working coffee maker, her paintings, her clothes, some of
her furniture. Suddenly our spartan dude dwelling, became a crowded apartment. And I
started feeling myself being crowded out. Even by the very next day, I had found Old
Sparky in the trash."
Kibouka interrupts, "Then how did you finally finish your training?"
Ryoga hesitates, then explains, "Well, I started visiting construction sites as part of my
job. There I'd start lifting beams, and crushing rocks barehanded for strength training. As
for the electrical training, Marshal said that I might have to come up with something less
lethal to train the students anyways. For the rest of that year I didn't make much progress
with it. Things ended up being unresolved, and we settled into a quiet uncomfortableness.
Then during the holidays, Lily and Marshal went to visit his family, and after they came
back, things were as if nothing had ever happened. We figured we just needed time to
adjust, but, later when we finally talked about it, we agreed we should have talked about it
back then."
The three of them clean up and start walking home, Hogoshaku taking the lead, with
Kibouka walking next to her father. The sun, setting in the late afternoon sky cast long
shadows ahead of the trio. Fences were on either side of the small street as they walk
home. Finally, Kibouka asked, "What was the next step in your path to meeting mother?"
Ryoga smiles instinctively. Happy that his kids were starting to take an interest in his
story. He nods a bit, thinking about where things left off. He looks at the darkening sky
and continues, "After the holidays and New Years, which were both lonely events for me,
came a note in the mail. An invitation to a wedding of one of our friends. Ranma, Marshal
and Lily knew them as well, this was before we met Akane. They had hit it off pretty well,
and finally set a date for the wedding. You may remember how back in the 90s the world
was almost invaded by aliens? Well, he was the one who saved us all, and ended up
marrying the alien princess to boot."
Hogoshaku turns around, his mind buzzing. "I don't remember that at all," he said,
walking backwards with ease.
Kibouka laughs, "Of course, you haven't learned modern history yet, you're too young,
Little Brother."
"Anyways," Ryoga interrupts, before they start another fight, "His name was Ataru and
her name was Lum. Now when you get a wedding invitation, and it asks you, single or
guest. It's asking you, where do you see yourself in a couple of months? With a date? Or
hitting on a bridesmaid? I was always hopeful, so I always checked +1. As the wedding
day approached, I was beginning to think that I wouldn't have a date to take, but then
heaven smiled down on me. Akane and her boyfriend, the MMA enthusiast, broke up, and I
thought, that I would have a chance at getting her to go out with me."
***
Ryoga's eyes shined like a thousand suns. His step was bouncy and free. He even did a
pirouette as he crossed the street. Ryoga was ecstatic. Over and over he chanted, "She
said yes, she said yes, she said yes."
People in the street quickly moved out of the way. Others from across the street
wondered if there was some sort of a promotion going on. One woman thought he was kind
of cute, as she flipped the sign of her store to open.
It was with little surprise to Ryoga however, as he came down from his emotional high,
that he was now lost. Quickly glancing around, he realized that he had somehow made it to
the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. Sighing, he started walking back to New York. No point
in being happy if you're not going to be back in time for it, Ryoga thought to himself. He
was just glad that Akane was going with him to the wedding.
Picturing it in his head, Ryoga saw himself dancing with Akane. Her body pressed close
to his, as they leaned forward, and kissed.
Quacking and a flutter of wings snapped Ryoga out of his daydream. Ryoga set down the
duck he was about to make-out with. Ryoga straightened his shirt, looking around to get
his bearings, Ryoga spotted a large alien spaceship in the middle of a field. Recognizing it
as Lum's ship he approached it, hoping to get a ride home.
The ship was yellow and black with tiger like stripes on the outside. Shaped like a frog, it
squatted in the field, it's front ramp hanging open. Walking up to the sealed front door,
Ryoga located the greeting bell, soon the door slid back and up to let him in. The inside of
the ship, was like some sort of 1950s art deco project submitted by a drunk and sex
deprived failure of an artist.
Lum flew up to Ryoga, her body not even decently covered by her black striped bikini.
Long green hair bounced and flowed as she gracefully twisted through the air, a perverse
slow motion peepshow. She finally settled down and invited Ryoga to join her on the
visiting chamber's couch.
Ryoga held his nose, and leaned forward, hoping to stop his nose from bleeding. Feeling
the hot rush of blood finally cooling as he acclimated to Lum's sexuality, Ryoga finally joined
her on the couch. "Hey Lum, what are you doing in Washington D.C.? I thought the
wedding was up in New York."
Lum laughed right in Ryoga's face before she could stop herself. She quickly covered her
mouth, but her eyes still sparkled with laughter. Finally she replied, "Ryoga, we are in New
York. Want me to drop you off at home?"
Ryoga laughed half-heatedly, and nodded. He tried looking everywhere but at Lum. Her
body always had an effect on him, and he still wondered how she seemed to be so in love
with Ataru. Traces of the upcoming wedding could be seen through out the sitting room.
Trying to change the subject away from his sense of direction, Ryoga decided to talk about
his latest bit of good news, "So I asked Akane to go to the wedding with me, I think you'll
like meeting her."
Lum's eyebrows came together, and a partially pained look crossed her face. Relaxing a
bit, she asked slowly, "What do you mean you invited someone? You RSVP'd to come
alone. I can't fit anybody else, it's far too late for that."
Ryoga grasped for a response, his mouth stuttering like a motorboat. "I already invited
her, I'm pretty sure I marked plus one, I always mark plus one just in case!" Ryoga stood
up and began pacing around the bolted couch.
Lum flipped her hair and as nonchalantly as she could muster, said, "Well we're at your
home, too bad you're going to have to tell her she can't come."
A push of a button later, and Ryoga was dropped off on the roof of his apartment
building. He hadn't even known they were flying.
***
"Luckily, all I had to do was call Ataru. He gave permission for me to bring Akane. I
didn't even imagine it would ruin everything."
***
Finally making it home, Ryoga greeted Marshal and Lily. Lily smiled at Ryoga, "I've been
out all day shopping with Akane. She's going to look so good!"
Ryoga smiled at Lily, "Yeah, almost didn't make it. According to Lum, I marked myself
as going alone. Ataru okay-ed it though."
Marshal nodded, "See Lily, a wedding is 50/50 between the man and the woman."
Lily looked aghast, "You went behind the bride? Ryoga you never go behind the bride!
This will end badly!"
As Lily spoke her prophetic doom came to pass. The signal was clear as night and day.
The phone rang. Answering the phone, Lily already understood what the sound of Lum's
voice meant. She nodded, not realizing the Lum couldn't see it. Finally she hung up, and
stared at Ryoga. "Lum and Ataru had a big fight, they're not getting married."
Ryoga and Marshal stared. Finally, getting his brain to function again, Ryoga asked,
"What happened?"
"They fought over Ataru allowing you to bring your date. Pretty soon she electrocuted
him, and he gave up and walked out. She said, since you're the cause of the break-up, that
you can pay her father back for the wedding."
Ryoga sat down with an audible thump. His body limp, and molding onto the surface of
the recliner. Looking at Lily, he asked, "How much?"
"One trillion dollars. Essentially, all the gas on the planet," Lily answered with a
measured tone, "You have to go talk to him Ryoga. Take Marshal with you, you can't let
this happen!"
With a nod, Marshal and Ryoga left to find Ataru.
***
Ataru opened the door and let Marshal and Ryoga inside. The hotel room, was a suite
near the top floor, Ataru immediately went back to packing away his clothes. "Sorry I can't
offer you guys anything, but I have to finish packing."
Ryoga nodded for a bit before snapping himself into action, "You can't break up with
Lum! You know what will happen to the planet! What her people will do!"
Ataru slowed down, but then shook his head in resolution, "No. You don't live with her!
I'm always getting shocked. It's too much work! It's too hard to keep her happy! I'm
going to stop this wedding, and I'm going to go out and have fun! I miss bar hopping with
you guys. I miss being single."
Ryoga sighed in frustration, he knew this argument well, Ataru never failed to use it.
Ryoga went with the usual reply, "Ataru, what you have now, is what I want. To have
someone to be with. Someone who will be there for the rest of our lives. Besides, do you
really miss being puked on? Do you really miss being alone?"
Before Ataru could answer Marshal jumped in, "You know what Ataru, don't. You see, a
relationship is work. It's hard work. You have to make compromises, and you have to
know when not to fight about something. But, when you're with someone you love, it's
easy. It's easy, because you love them, and you want to do those things for them. If you
don't love Lum, then don't marry her. All you'll be doing is hurting the both of you."
"Marshal!" Ryoga despaired, thinking of the world being angry with him for costing them
all of the gasoline on the planet.
Ataru stood in stunned silence. Finally he understood, he understood everything. He
nodded to Marshal, "You're right, it should be easy, but I do love her, and I'm willing to
work on it to make it easy."
***
Ryoga walks along with his two children. They are coming up to the house, but stand
just outside the door, not wanting to dispel the illusion that Ryoga's story has cast on the
three. "We took Ataru to see Lum, by the time we found her, she was at the Nekohanten,
drunk, and talking to your Uncle Ranma. Ataru apologized, and the wedding was back on.
Lum even let me bring Akane along. A couple of days later, it was the wedding, and I went
to pick Akane up at her apartment."
***
Ryoga knocked on the olive green door. Within moments, Akane opened the door from
the other side, and smiled broadly, and radiantly at the nervous Ryoga. Ryoga handed a
bouquet of roses to Akane, and she invited him inside. "You look amazing," Ryoga drank in
her long bluish-black hair. She was wearing a velvety red dress, that hugged her body the
way he wished he could. Every move she made invited his eyes to feast on her beauty.
Akane relished the attention he was giving her. "You don't look so bad yourself. Well,
let's get going."
The two headed downstairs to the taxi that Ryoga had left waiting. As they came up to
it, a fat dorky man with curly hair, and a tee shirt with some unknown meme ran up to
them. Akane immediately recognized one of the interns from Metro News One. He spoke in
a voice that was two parts nerd, and one part geek, "Akane, Kuno couldn't make it, he
caught the Bird Flu! You have to be anchor tonight!"
Akane panicked, "When do I have to be in?"
"Right now, come on!" said the sweaty intern.
Akane finally remembered how she was dressed, and where she was going. She turned
to Ryoga, an apology written across her face. "I'm sorry Ryoga. But, this is my dream, and
my chance at becoming an anchor!"
Ryoga understood, he knew how much Akane had been longing for this opportunity. "It's
okay, go before you're late."
Akane hugged Ryoga, and then followed the intern to the Metro News One Van. Ryoga
got into the taxi, and went to Lum's wedding.
Thinking back to what Marshal had said, Ryoga realized that being with Akane was just
not meant to be. It should be easy, Marshal had said. But being with Akane was anything
but easy.
***
"I got to that wedding with the thought, that it would be the beginning of the rest of my
life. Little did I know, how close to the truth I was at the time."
***
Ranma stared, a couple tables over, at a beautiful young bridesmaid. Her short brown silky
hair complemented her mocha colored skin, her breasts were the size of juicy melons. Next
to her, was a beautiful red-head with spiky long hair, and dark inviting eyes. Her dress was
slit up one leg almost past her hip. They were talking to a cute woman with long brown hair
tied back with a bow, her dress was black and short enough to only leave a small portion of
her thighs to the imagination.
An annoying sound began buzzing in Ranma's ear. Becoming faintly aware that Ryoga
was talking about something, Ranma let him finish before letting him in on what his plan
was. "Yeah, that's great, but look at those bridesmaids over there Ryoga. Two eights and a
seven. Now I'm willing to bring myself down to a 15, and let you have one of the eights.
What do you say?"
Ryoga wanted to be repulsed by Ranma. He wanted to say no. Ryoga wanted to wait for
Akane. But, he also realized that Akane and him would never happen. Their relationship
was refusing to work, as if fate was dealing him a poker-hand and all he wanted to do was
play blackjack. Ryoga looked over at the three bridesmaids. He made his decision. With a
nod at Ranma, Ryoga got up, and they both approached the bridesmaids' table.
***
Morning burst into Ryoga's room like some rude nosy neighbor. The morning light
disenchanted Ryoga's reality, taking away his dreams, making them fade into oblivion. The
world was just as miserable and lonely as ever. Except. Except that now Ryoga had a set
of memories filtering through his mind. Memories that shoved their way to the front of his
thoughts. Memories that brought a smile to his face that he hoped would never leave.
The clock said it was almost ten in the morning, and Ryoga decided to take it's word for
it, though, it had been a few minutes off before. Looking back at the bed, wishing to see
the girl of his dreams there, he sighed, when he found himself to be alone. Her chocolate
brown hair wafted through his mind's vision.
Ryoga threw on some sweat pants and a shirt. He took a deep breath, thought about her
again, and went to get himself some coffee. Marshal and Lily were already up, sitting on
the couch like they always did after breakfast. It was the last bit of coffee that sat warming
in Lily's coffee maker. Ryoga poured himself some.
Lily and Marshal looked at each other, sharing one of their silent conversations they
usually had when trying to not let anyone know what they were thinking. So close were
their thoughts, that they knew what the other was thinking, and often no words were even
needed for them to share their thoughts, but merely a look. They were gazing at each
other when Ryoga joined them. Lily looked back to Ryoga and smiled, "So where did you
disappear to last night?"
Ryoga remembered her again. He remembered her smile, and smiled himself. He
looked at Marshal and Lily, a goofy silent grin on his face. He said, "Last night was one of
the best nights of my life."
Marshal matched Ryoga's goofy smile, remembering the wedding the previous night,
remembering the dreams that stalked even his waking mind, "Tell me about it, that cake
was amazing! My stomach wouldn't shut up about it."
Marshal was thinking with his stomach again. Then again, coming from a family as big
and tall as Marshal's it wasn't surprising. They were like giants among mortals. Ryoga
paused, imagining Marshal hurling rocks as knights tried to reach him at the top of a hill,
then Ryoga laughed healthily at Marshal, "That cake is haunting you, huh?"
Marshal nodded, his eyes huge with frosty desire. Lily laughed along with Ryoga. She had
been dealing with Marshal talking about the cake all night, even when they had been
celebrating their first agreement in the wedding planning that morning. She looked back at
Ryoga, "Okay, enough with the cake, so what happened last night?"
Ryoga stopped laughing, a little abruptly. Chocolate colored hair floated on the edges of
his vision. He thought for a moment before saying, "I met the most amazing woman last
night, and I'll never see her again. And it's better that way."
Marshal and Lily were confused. They wondered what was so great about never seeing
someone amazing again? With curiosity nibbling at them, they allowed Ryoga to proceed
with his story.
***
Ryoga sat across from the cute woman with a short, tight black dress, and a white bow
that held her hair up. Her eyes gleamed with laughter and an inward happiness seen in
those who do what they love for a living. She was sipping on rice wine, while Ryoga drank
scotch. She smiled at him. "I should tell you, before we go any further, I have a rule. I
never hook up at weddings."
Ryoga silently and inwardly lamented his luck. She must have had many bad
experiences. Another one, who would not commit. Better to start off on safe grounds like
this, than to not start at all. Ryoga smiled at her, curiously leaning forward a bit. He
spoke, teasingly, "I'm guessing you haven't always had this rule."
She smiled again. She gazed at his handsome features, and strong shoulders. His eyes
echoed into her soul. She explained, "These big romantic moments, are not real. People
walk around with wedding goggles."
Ryoga understood where she was coming from. He was so pent up with frustration, with
just wanting to be happy and together with someone, that he often would not notice things
for what they really were. He nodded, understanding her on a level she might never have
expected him to. He decided to let go of his past for tonight. He needed to give up on
Akane. He needed to move on. He said, "I know what you mean. For example, I first saw
you, when you were out on the dance floor, doing the chicken dance. I must say, I fell in
love at first sight."
She genuinely laughed, all the way to her eyes. She leaned forward a bit more, almost
imperceptibly, like a ninja. This time she teased him, "You should see me tap-dance. You'd
be down on bended knee."
Ryoga laughed at himself, and muttered, "That wouldn't be too far from the truth." He
took another drink from his scotch, and smiled at her again, "That's why I'm not even
flirting with you."
She looked at him in mock shock. Her hands were playing with the thick napkin that sat
in front of her. She was distractedly folding it into different origami shapes. She smiled as
she spoke, "You mean, these aren't your moves?"
Ryoga shook his head, no. He thought of what he had done to get Akane's attention. He
flushed a little, feeling foolish. He finished his scotch to buy himself some time and to regain
confidence. Ryoga explained, "People ten tables away, would know if I was putting the
moves on you."
She looked disappointed, the way her head bobbed a little, sank a tiny bit. Her eyes
looked at him and through him. Maybe her denial had come out too strongly. Coming up
with an idea to spend more time with her handsome new acquaintance, she said, "That's too
bad. But, I think I have a solution, if you're interested."
The damnable light of hope lit the end of the night. Ryoga nodded, eager to keep talking
with her. Wanting to figure out who she was. Hoping they would connect on some mystical
deep level. Or more honestly, some carnal level as well.
"Let me just say, first, that we are not going to have sex tonight," she began.
"Less interested," Ryoga teased, hoping his frustration didn't leak into his words. She
laughed again, with the smile all the way to her eyes. He was starting to like that smile.
***
Marshal and Lily were sitting quietly as he told his story. Ryoga finished his coffee and
continued, "So she made the suggestion, of us just making it a one night deal. No contact
after the party. No names, no numbers, no email. Nothing."
"Oh that's lame," Marshal shook his head.
"What's wrong with you?" Lily sighed at Ryoga's continued ineptitude.
"No it was great," Ryoga came to his own defense, "I had a great night. And now it will
never be ruined."
Marshal tried to find the words to properly explain to Ryoga the magnitude of his
mistake, "Ryoga. Last night, I had the most amazing cake in my life. Do you think I'm just
going to let it out of my life? No, I'm going to find out what bakery made that cake, and
then I'm going to get more cake."
Ignoring her husbands continued obsession, Lily asked, "What happened next?"
Flashes of the previous night played back in Ryoga's head. He closed his eyes focusing
on them. Remembering in detail her hair, and eyes. He remembered her dress, and even
the cute white bow on her head. Ryoga opened his eyes and gave them the highlights, "We
came up with fake names. She decided on Buttercup, and I chose Butch."
"PPG, awesome," Marshal smiled and high-fived Ryoga.
Ryoga continued, "First I took a couple of wine glasses and a bottle of champagne. Then,
as I called for Lum and Ataru to kiss, Buttercup stole the bouquet."
Lily nodded in agreement, "Good for her, that's a horrible tradition."
Ryoga continued, "We danced, we talked, we almost kissed."
Marshal and Lily looked at each other, and Marshal asked, "How do you almost kiss?"
Ryoga remembered sitting down with Buttercup. Their faces coming closer, his heart
beating in his chest, the smell of her lipstick. His mouth parted slightly. Her breath lightly
teasing his lips. They breathed heavily, their eyes closed. Briefly their noses made a
connection, and it was like a lightning bolt. Ryoga could see her electrical field, his senses
were on edge. He opened his eyes and backed away, no longer trusting himself.
Back in the present, Ryoga simply answered, "It was all part of her plan, to have it not
be real. Just the drum roll as she put it. But ...."
Marshal knew what Ryoga was thinking. He knew his best friend had finally understood
the mistake he had made. "So you didn't get her real name at all?"
Ryoga shook, his head, "I guess, I'll never see her again."
Lily couldn't believe that all of it was lost, "She sounds amazing. Was she there with
anyone else? Maybe someone knew her?"
Ryoga lit up. "Ranma hooked up with one of the bridesmaids at her table! She might
know who Buttercup really is! I just have to ask Ranma to call her up."
***
"No," Ranma shook his head, and took another drink from his beer. The Nekohanten was
mostly empty, and he sat with Marshal and Ryoga in their usual booth.
"But Ranma, I really like this girl," Ryoga pleaded, trying to annoy Ranma into
submission.
Ranma ignored the whining in Ryoga's voice. If only his friend could see the futility and
wrongness of going after just one girl. Ranma stood his ground, "First of all, I told that girl
I was going to the Peace Corp. I'm supposed to be flying to Guatemala right now. Second,
I never call a girl a second time."
Ryoga couldn't believe that Ranma was trying to ruin his chance at love. There must be
some weakness he could exploit in Ranma. Ryoga remembered something that Ranma was
always trying to drag him to, Ryoga said, "Okay, how about if you call her, I'll agree to go
to Foxy Boxing with you."
Blood pounded in Ranma's ears for a split second. He looked at Ryoga, appraising his
friends earnestness. Ranma said, "But, you said that Foxy Boxing girls were neither foxy
nor good at boxing."
A smile weaseled it's way onto Ryoga's face. He knew he had said the right thing. Now
to seal the deal, Ryoga said, "I'm ready to be proven wrong."
A speed dial later, and Ranma was talking to the bridesmaid from the night before.
Ryoga sat in rapt attention, listening to Ranma's responses trying to pry some tidbit of
information earlier than it would be given to him. Ranma smiled as he spoke into the
phone, "Hi, hey Rihanna ... yeah the flight got delayed til tomorrow... I was wondering if
you remember one of the girls at your table last night?... My friend was hoping you'd know
her name... her shoes? He's a guy how would he know what kind of shoes she was
wearing?"
A flash of chocolate colored high heels with snowflakes. Ryoga interrupted Ranma,
"Actually, I do remember her shoes. She took them off to do a cartwheel, and so I
remember them."
His best friend was such a pussy. Ranma just couldn't believe it. He spoke into the
phone, "Apparently they were chocolate colored pumps with snowflakes on them... Yeah
they do sound cute... so her name was .... Kuonji?... Great! I'll let him know... umm...
tonight? Well I have to be on the flight pretty early, so I won't be able to sleep
over....Sure, I'll stop by tonight."
Ranma paused, before looking to Ryoga. He was going to have to back out of Foxy
Boxing, but for a smoking hot, super-kinky bridesmaid, it would be worth it. Ranma said,
"Sorry Ryoga, I'm going to have to skip Foxy Boxing, maybe another day ok? Her name
was Kuonji, sounds like a last name."
Ryoga thanked Ranma. Ranma said good bye to the both of them, and left to meet up
with Rihanna. Marshal and Ryoga shared a moment of painful anticipation, before Ryoga
dialed Lum's mobile phone.
Each ring of the phone was an agonizing eternity. Finally Lum answered, "Hey Ryoga,
what's going on?"
The moment of truth. She must know who Kuonji was. Lum held Ryoga's future in her
hands. Ryoga said, "Hey Lum! Great wedding! Listen, I was hoping to ask you a couple of
questions..."
Lum asked him what he wanted. Ryoga breathed in. Air traveled through his lungs, into
his center. He imagined himself as solid and strong as a rock. Ryoga breathed out slowly.
He said, "I was calling because I met this girl last night, and I was wondering if-"
Lum started yelling on the other-side of the phone. Ryoga pulled the phone away from
his ear and held it at arms length. From the phone came Lum's voice, "Just a few days ago
you were begging me to bring a girl my wedding, and now you're over her?"
Ryoga, cowed, said, "I moved on?"
There was an audible sigh from the phone followed by, "Fine, who was she?"
Ryoga hoped that Ranma's information was correct. He said, "I don't have her first
name, her last name is Kuonji."
Lum's voice suddenly sounded cheerful, "Oh you're in luck Ryoga! I still have the entire
guest list on the ships computer..."
Relief and joy, echoed in Ryoga's eyes, his smile, even his hair. Until Lum finished her
sentence, "... unfortunately, she's not on it."
Lum hung up, and Ryoga hung his head in his hands. Marshal came over to his friends
side of the booth and patted him on the back. Ryoga looked at Marshal, and sighed, "I've
just been saved from myself. It's fate. I'm not supposed to know who she is."
Marshal gave Ryoga a wistful half smile, "I have an idea. Let's get drunk."
***
Ryoga sits in his den, his two teenage children listening to him describe the difficulties he
was having. He continues, "I thought that was it. But fate, had something else in store for
me."
***
Akane sat next to Lily on the couch, wiping away the tears in her eyes. Akane's eyes
were red, her lips dry. She was snotting up, and was using toilet paper as a tissue. Lily
couldn't stand it any longer, "You have to tell him."
Akane sighed, looking everywhere in her apartment except at Lily. Akane was trying to
rationalize a million reasons to not tell Ryoga. None of them were working. Finally, she
nodded. "You're right Lily. I'm going to go tell him."
***
Marshal read the text he got from Lily. She was on her way to the bar with Akane. He
texted back to her, that finding the girl was a no go. Marshal took another drink, waiting
for Ryoga to come back from the bathroom.
Akane and Lily came into the bar. Spotting Ryoga walking to the table, Lily shoved
Akane at him. He caught Akane in his arms. Her hands had come up to brace herself, and
now rested on his chest. His arms thick and muscular drove Akane to distraction.
Ryoga asked her if she was okay. She looked up into his eyes, feral, sad, and drunk.
She gathered her courage. She spoke softly, "Ryoga."
His mobile was ringing. They both tried to ignore it, but it was too loud. Finally giving
up she told him to answer it. He just nodded, as he listened to the other end of the phone.
His eyes widened in shock. A surprised smile came to his face. Ryoga hung up the phone
and turned to Marshal, "That was Lum. Kuonji wasn't on the guest list because she wasn't a
guest. She was the caterer! Come on! I have her address!"
Marshal followed Ryoga, pausing briefly to see if Lily was coming with them. Lily shook
her head no. They had another quick silent conversation. Sighing they kissed each other
briefly, before going to support their best friend.
Akane cried as Lily held her.
***
The taxi cab sat outside Ucchan's. Inside, through the bay window, Ryoga and Marshal
watched her work. Ryoga stared at her. Thinking of the previous night. Thinking of her
hair, and her laugh. Thinking of Akane. Ryoga thought about what Akane wanted to say to
him before he left.
"Ryoga, the meter's still running," Marshal prodded his friend.
Ryoga nodded, getting out of the car. Before the door closed he heard Marshal shout
out, "Ask her where she ordered the cake from!"
From the car, Marshal saw Ryoga walk inside. For a brief moment the chef inside did
nothing. Then she ran up to him, and they were kissing, deeply, passionately. Knowing his
friend finally found a girl that was right for him, Marshal told the cab to take him home.
***
Ryoga smiles at his kids. From the open window he hears their three pigs snoring
outside. He finishes his story, "And so we started dating. Aside from your Aunt Akane,
Ukyo was my first big, true love, and what she taught me, stayed with me to this day."
Kibouka sighs. She gets up and kisses her father goodnight. Her brother Hogoshaku
hugged his father goodnight, and followed his sister upstairs to their rooms. Ryoga smiles,
thinking back to the first month he was with Ukyo.
Sometimes you can go too slow, he thought to himself. Sometimes you have to plunge
in. He hopes he can teach them that. He hopes he can get them to understand what it
means to be in love.
***
Ryoga waits for his kids outside of Fujinomiya High School. His graying hair resists the
howl of wind in the cold winter air. Ryoga decides to lean against the wall, facing away
from the school. The bell rings, and a few minutes later his kids walk past him, arguing,
and do not notice their father following them.
Instinctively, Ryoga's son dodges the attack from his sister. He leans almost ninety
degrees backwards as her backpack arcs through the air, the force creating a vacuum blade
that cuts a tree on the other side of the street in half. He stands back up and sticks his
tongue out at her, "Your swing is as wide as your mouth, 'Que boca'!"
Kibouka slams her fist into her brother's face, the impact sending him across the street,
skipping once half way there, before slamming into a thick concrete wall. Quickly taking out
a talisman from her subspace pocket, she chants a spell, and sends a column of flame to
descend on her brother. Feeling a tap on her shoulder, she turns, sees her father, and
quickly cancels the spell before her brother gets burned.
Embarrassment flushes her face, her mind quickly trying to justify a reason to incinerate
her brother. She weakly smiles at her father, and says, "My name isn't pronounced 'que
boca', it's pronounced 'ki-bo-ka', you'd think he'd get that after all these years, huh daddy?"
Ryoga sighs at his daughter trying to look cute behind her thick eyelashes. Soon his son
joins them, and Ryoga looks sternly at him and chastises him, "How many times have I told
you not to tease your sister, we named you, Hogoshaku, because we thought you'd be able
to protect her, instead you're her biggest threat."
Hogoshaku sighs and apologizes to his sister. With a big smile she "gratefully" accepts.
Ryoga leads them to a nearby KFC, and they decide to eat there. Excitedly, and innocently
they order their food, never realizing its all an elaborate trap set by their father.
It isn't until their mouths are full and he starts telling his story, that they realize the
mistake they made. They are trapped, and now they are going to spend the next two hours
listening to the tale, of how their father eventually meets their mother. With luck, this
would be the last one. Ryoga smiles and begins, "When I first started developing Anything
Goes Architecture Martial Arts, I had some unique training exercises. Things that would
never be used when teaching the style today."
Ryoga shifts in his seat, getting more comfortable, "I had a coffee maker called Old
Sparky. Whenever I used it, I'd be shocked, and it would allow me to study the flow of
currents in the apartment complex. I was working on how to map out the pathways to help
with my sense of direction. Sometimes I'd run the water from the faucet, while trying to
stare into it. Other times, I'd go to construction sites, and lift beams, and crush boulders. I
remember, it was near the beginning of December, and I was practicing with Old Sparky,
when Aunt Lily came home with Aunt Akane, and told us that her apartment was gone."
"Wait," Kibouka interrupts her father, "didn't Aunt Lily live with you and Uncle Marshal?"
"Actually, before that, no, she had her own place, she just never really went there,"
Ryoga answers, "She had gone by to pick up some winter clothes."
***
"Good Morning," Ryoga greeted Marshal, as he walked over to the kitchen. Marshal gave
a reply, as he sat on the couch, his ninja quickly dispatching some demons on screen.
Ryoga did some quick warm up exercises before going in, he took Old Sparky, an ancient
electric coffee maker, from the shelf. Developed in the Mountains of Tibet, by the lunatic
inventor, Taban, Old Sparky was made completely of steel, and conducted the electricity
from any plug you put it into through the unit, and into the owner.
Ryoga gave Marshal a warning that he was about to plug in Old Sparky. Quickly saving
his game, Marshal waited, while Ryoga proceeded to pump 120 volts for the entire brew of
the coffee. "Getting any further with that training there Ryoga?" Marshal asked, as Ryoga
quickly recovered from his electrocution.
His heart accelerated, as darkness surrounded Ryoga. Currents of electricity sprang to
life. Ryoga turned to Marshal, seeing his body's electric field. Ryoga saw from behind, that
two people were coming up the stairs. Ryoga smiled at Marshal, and calmly said, "We have
visitors."
As the last syllable left Ryoga's lips, the front door opened, and Marshal jumped,
astonishment written all over his face. Lily and Akane walked in through the door, as
Marshal stared at his arm, "Dude, goosebumps."
Ryoga blinked, and staggered, as his vision returned to normal. Rubbing his eyes, he
poured some coffee as he greeted the two girls who had just come in. He could tell Lily was
upset, as she flopped on the couch. Curious, despite the discovery of a new technique, he
asked her what was wrong.
Lily finally reacted to Ryoga's probing, and after noticing Marshal's concern, she began to
gather her thoughts. She tried to answer but couldn't quite begin explaining the events that
happened earlier that morning. Finally, Akane volunteered the answer.
"She lost her apartment," Akane sat next to Ryoga on the love seat, and took his coffee
from him. She took a sip as Marshal began asking Lily what had happened. She spit the
coffee back into the cup, nausea bringing bile to her throat, and returned the cup to Ryoga.
Ryoga gave Akane a disapproving glare and set the cup down on the table, trying not to
think about what it now contained. Akane returned his gaze as if saying, "What did you
expect, it tastes rusty."
After finally putting all her words together, Lily explained how she had lost her home.
***
Lily stared at what used to be her apartment. The sign above it was unintelligible. Her
wide eyes came down to the sign inviting people into her apartment. The front door was
replaced by a glass door. A sign on the window that used to be a wall said, "Japanese
Pizza". Lily couldn't even imagine what would make a pizza suddenly so Japanese, or why
they would need to invade her apartment to sell it.
Akane was confused, but waited until Lily cleared things up. Maybe, Lily was hungry, or
lost, or even confused by what the sign said. So Akane did her best to clear it up, "It says,
okonomiyaki. It's a food dish from Japan. I had it a few times, it's pretty good. Do you
want to go in and try some before we go to your apartment?"
Lily stifled a scream. She took a deep breath and choked a little bit. She finally looked
over at Akane and explained, "But you see, this is my apartment. They replaced it with this
eatery."
Akane was still confused, she didn't know how to respond. Seeing Lily going into the
store, she followed. The place was quietly busy, mostly businessmen eating some
breakfast. From behind the grill they were greeted by a cheerful, and energetic Japanese
welcome.
Lily didn't even respond. She looked around, seeing people eating off of her plates.
Drinking out of her cups. Finally the last straw, on the floor, was a stain from where she
had dropped nail polish. "See right there, that red spot!" She showed it to Akane.
Suddenly the chef came from behind the counter. Her brown hair was tied back with a
white bow. She looked at Lily as if she was an illusion then finally greeted her, "Hello, Lily.
It's good to finally see you!"
Lily looked at the woman, trying to remember where she might know her from. Nothing
came to mind. Finally deciding that she didn't know who the chef was, Lily asked her, "I
don't know you. How do you know me?"
The woman apologized and bowed down briefly, "Sorry, I'm Ukyo, this is my restaurant.
I recognize you from your pictures."
Finally, someone else who knew that this was supposed to be her living room. Lily knew
she was finally going to solve this mystery invasion. She asked, "What happened to my
apartment? I kept up with my rent payments, and I know I didn't have a lease agreement
per se, but Mrs. Ikouku would remember me. She was really old, but she wouldn't of
forgotten me."
Lily paused. Something was wrong. It had been three months since she had visited her
apartment. If it was gone, then only one truth remained, no matter how horrible. "She's
dead isn't she?"
Ukyo nodded, "I'm sorry sugar, but, she died, we bought up the lease from the Realtors.
Here I have some of your things you can take."
***
The food was halfway gone by the time Ryoga finishes retelling the events leading up to
Lily moving in with him back in 2005. His son is gnawing away on a chicken leg, while his
daughter is dipping some chicken strips into some honey mustard.
Hogoshaku finishes swallowing before asking, "How much could things change though? I
mean, you said so yourself, you guys practically lived together anyways."
Ryoga nods, understanding where his son is coming from. He continues his explanation,
"You see, when she was just visiting, she didn't have any of her things there. But with the
move, she brought her perfectly working coffee maker, her paintings, her clothes, some of
her furniture. Suddenly our spartan dude dwelling, became a crowded apartment. And I
started feeling myself being crowded out. Even by the very next day, I had found Old
Sparky in the trash."
Kibouka interrupts, "Then how did you finally finish your training?"
Ryoga hesitates, then explains, "Well, I started visiting construction sites as part of my
job. There I'd start lifting beams, and crushing rocks barehanded for strength training. As
for the electrical training, Marshal said that I might have to come up with something less
lethal to train the students anyways. For the rest of that year I didn't make much progress
with it. Things ended up being unresolved, and we settled into a quiet uncomfortableness.
Then during the holidays, Lily and Marshal went to visit his family, and after they came
back, things were as if nothing had ever happened. We figured we just needed time to
adjust, but, later when we finally talked about it, we agreed we should have talked about it
back then."
The three of them clean up and start walking home, Hogoshaku taking the lead, with
Kibouka walking next to her father. The sun, setting in the late afternoon sky cast long
shadows ahead of the trio. Fences were on either side of the small street as they walk
home. Finally, Kibouka asked, "What was the next step in your path to meeting mother?"
Ryoga smiles instinctively. Happy that his kids were starting to take an interest in his
story. He nods a bit, thinking about where things left off. He looks at the darkening sky
and continues, "After the holidays and New Years, which were both lonely events for me,
came a note in the mail. An invitation to a wedding of one of our friends. Ranma, Marshal
and Lily knew them as well, this was before we met Akane. They had hit it off pretty well,
and finally set a date for the wedding. You may remember how back in the 90s the world
was almost invaded by aliens? Well, he was the one who saved us all, and ended up
marrying the alien princess to boot."
Hogoshaku turns around, his mind buzzing. "I don't remember that at all," he said,
walking backwards with ease.
Kibouka laughs, "Of course, you haven't learned modern history yet, you're too young,
Little Brother."
"Anyways," Ryoga interrupts, before they start another fight, "His name was Ataru and
her name was Lum. Now when you get a wedding invitation, and it asks you, single or
guest. It's asking you, where do you see yourself in a couple of months? With a date? Or
hitting on a bridesmaid? I was always hopeful, so I always checked +1. As the wedding
day approached, I was beginning to think that I wouldn't have a date to take, but then
heaven smiled down on me. Akane and her boyfriend, the MMA enthusiast, broke up, and I
thought, that I would have a chance at getting her to go out with me."
***
Ryoga's eyes shined like a thousand suns. His step was bouncy and free. He even did a
pirouette as he crossed the street. Ryoga was ecstatic. Over and over he chanted, "She
said yes, she said yes, she said yes."
People in the street quickly moved out of the way. Others from across the street
wondered if there was some sort of a promotion going on. One woman thought he was kind
of cute, as she flipped the sign of her store to open.
It was with little surprise to Ryoga however, as he came down from his emotional high,
that he was now lost. Quickly glancing around, he realized that he had somehow made it to
the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. Sighing, he started walking back to New York. No point
in being happy if you're not going to be back in time for it, Ryoga thought to himself. He
was just glad that Akane was going with him to the wedding.
Picturing it in his head, Ryoga saw himself dancing with Akane. Her body pressed close
to his, as they leaned forward, and kissed.
Quacking and a flutter of wings snapped Ryoga out of his daydream. Ryoga set down the
duck he was about to make-out with. Ryoga straightened his shirt, looking around to get
his bearings, Ryoga spotted a large alien spaceship in the middle of a field. Recognizing it
as Lum's ship he approached it, hoping to get a ride home.
The ship was yellow and black with tiger like stripes on the outside. Shaped like a frog, it
squatted in the field, it's front ramp hanging open. Walking up to the sealed front door,
Ryoga located the greeting bell, soon the door slid back and up to let him in. The inside of
the ship, was like some sort of 1950s art deco project submitted by a drunk and sex
deprived failure of an artist.
Lum flew up to Ryoga, her body not even decently covered by her black striped bikini.
Long green hair bounced and flowed as she gracefully twisted through the air, a perverse
slow motion peepshow. She finally settled down and invited Ryoga to join her on the
visiting chamber's couch.
Ryoga held his nose, and leaned forward, hoping to stop his nose from bleeding. Feeling
the hot rush of blood finally cooling as he acclimated to Lum's sexuality, Ryoga finally joined
her on the couch. "Hey Lum, what are you doing in Washington D.C.? I thought the
wedding was up in New York."
Lum laughed right in Ryoga's face before she could stop herself. She quickly covered her
mouth, but her eyes still sparkled with laughter. Finally she replied, "Ryoga, we are in New
York. Want me to drop you off at home?"
Ryoga laughed half-heatedly, and nodded. He tried looking everywhere but at Lum. Her
body always had an effect on him, and he still wondered how she seemed to be so in love
with Ataru. Traces of the upcoming wedding could be seen through out the sitting room.
Trying to change the subject away from his sense of direction, Ryoga decided to talk about
his latest bit of good news, "So I asked Akane to go to the wedding with me, I think you'll
like meeting her."
Lum's eyebrows came together, and a partially pained look crossed her face. Relaxing a
bit, she asked slowly, "What do you mean you invited someone? You RSVP'd to come
alone. I can't fit anybody else, it's far too late for that."
Ryoga grasped for a response, his mouth stuttering like a motorboat. "I already invited
her, I'm pretty sure I marked plus one, I always mark plus one just in case!" Ryoga stood
up and began pacing around the bolted couch.
Lum flipped her hair and as nonchalantly as she could muster, said, "Well we're at your
home, too bad you're going to have to tell her she can't come."
A push of a button later, and Ryoga was dropped off on the roof of his apartment
building. He hadn't even known they were flying.
***
"Luckily, all I had to do was call Ataru. He gave permission for me to bring Akane. I
didn't even imagine it would ruin everything."
***
Finally making it home, Ryoga greeted Marshal and Lily. Lily smiled at Ryoga, "I've been
out all day shopping with Akane. She's going to look so good!"
Ryoga smiled at Lily, "Yeah, almost didn't make it. According to Lum, I marked myself
as going alone. Ataru okay-ed it though."
Marshal nodded, "See Lily, a wedding is 50/50 between the man and the woman."
Lily looked aghast, "You went behind the bride? Ryoga you never go behind the bride!
This will end badly!"
As Lily spoke her prophetic doom came to pass. The signal was clear as night and day.
The phone rang. Answering the phone, Lily already understood what the sound of Lum's
voice meant. She nodded, not realizing the Lum couldn't see it. Finally she hung up, and
stared at Ryoga. "Lum and Ataru had a big fight, they're not getting married."
Ryoga and Marshal stared. Finally, getting his brain to function again, Ryoga asked,
"What happened?"
"They fought over Ataru allowing you to bring your date. Pretty soon she electrocuted
him, and he gave up and walked out. She said, since you're the cause of the break-up, that
you can pay her father back for the wedding."
Ryoga sat down with an audible thump. His body limp, and molding onto the surface of
the recliner. Looking at Lily, he asked, "How much?"
"One trillion dollars. Essentially, all the gas on the planet," Lily answered with a
measured tone, "You have to go talk to him Ryoga. Take Marshal with you, you can't let
this happen!"
With a nod, Marshal and Ryoga left to find Ataru.
***
Ataru opened the door and let Marshal and Ryoga inside. The hotel room, was a suite
near the top floor, Ataru immediately went back to packing away his clothes. "Sorry I can't
offer you guys anything, but I have to finish packing."
Ryoga nodded for a bit before snapping himself into action, "You can't break up with
Lum! You know what will happen to the planet! What her people will do!"
Ataru slowed down, but then shook his head in resolution, "No. You don't live with her!
I'm always getting shocked. It's too much work! It's too hard to keep her happy! I'm
going to stop this wedding, and I'm going to go out and have fun! I miss bar hopping with
you guys. I miss being single."
Ryoga sighed in frustration, he knew this argument well, Ataru never failed to use it.
Ryoga went with the usual reply, "Ataru, what you have now, is what I want. To have
someone to be with. Someone who will be there for the rest of our lives. Besides, do you
really miss being puked on? Do you really miss being alone?"
Before Ataru could answer Marshal jumped in, "You know what Ataru, don't. You see, a
relationship is work. It's hard work. You have to make compromises, and you have to
know when not to fight about something. But, when you're with someone you love, it's
easy. It's easy, because you love them, and you want to do those things for them. If you
don't love Lum, then don't marry her. All you'll be doing is hurting the both of you."
"Marshal!" Ryoga despaired, thinking of the world being angry with him for costing them
all of the gasoline on the planet.
Ataru stood in stunned silence. Finally he understood, he understood everything. He
nodded to Marshal, "You're right, it should be easy, but I do love her, and I'm willing to
work on it to make it easy."
***
Ryoga walks along with his two children. They are coming up to the house, but stand
just outside the door, not wanting to dispel the illusion that Ryoga's story has cast on the
three. "We took Ataru to see Lum, by the time we found her, she was at the Nekohanten,
drunk, and talking to your Uncle Ranma. Ataru apologized, and the wedding was back on.
Lum even let me bring Akane along. A couple of days later, it was the wedding, and I went
to pick Akane up at her apartment."
***
Ryoga knocked on the olive green door. Within moments, Akane opened the door from
the other side, and smiled broadly, and radiantly at the nervous Ryoga. Ryoga handed a
bouquet of roses to Akane, and she invited him inside. "You look amazing," Ryoga drank in
her long bluish-black hair. She was wearing a velvety red dress, that hugged her body the
way he wished he could. Every move she made invited his eyes to feast on her beauty.
Akane relished the attention he was giving her. "You don't look so bad yourself. Well,
let's get going."
The two headed downstairs to the taxi that Ryoga had left waiting. As they came up to
it, a fat dorky man with curly hair, and a tee shirt with some unknown meme ran up to
them. Akane immediately recognized one of the interns from Metro News One. He spoke in
a voice that was two parts nerd, and one part geek, "Akane, Kuno couldn't make it, he
caught the Bird Flu! You have to be anchor tonight!"
Akane panicked, "When do I have to be in?"
"Right now, come on!" said the sweaty intern.
Akane finally remembered how she was dressed, and where she was going. She turned
to Ryoga, an apology written across her face. "I'm sorry Ryoga. But, this is my dream, and
my chance at becoming an anchor!"
Ryoga understood, he knew how much Akane had been longing for this opportunity. "It's
okay, go before you're late."
Akane hugged Ryoga, and then followed the intern to the Metro News One Van. Ryoga
got into the taxi, and went to Lum's wedding.
Thinking back to what Marshal had said, Ryoga realized that being with Akane was just
not meant to be. It should be easy, Marshal had said. But being with Akane was anything
but easy.
***
"I got to that wedding with the thought, that it would be the beginning of the rest of my
life. Little did I know, how close to the truth I was at the time."
***
Ranma stared, a couple tables over, at a beautiful young bridesmaid. Her short brown silky
hair complemented her mocha colored skin, her breasts were the size of juicy melons. Next
to her, was a beautiful red-head with spiky long hair, and dark inviting eyes. Her dress was
slit up one leg almost past her hip. They were talking to a cute woman with long brown hair
tied back with a bow, her dress was black and short enough to only leave a small portion of
her thighs to the imagination.
An annoying sound began buzzing in Ranma's ear. Becoming faintly aware that Ryoga
was talking about something, Ranma let him finish before letting him in on what his plan
was. "Yeah, that's great, but look at those bridesmaids over there Ryoga. Two eights and a
seven. Now I'm willing to bring myself down to a 15, and let you have one of the eights.
What do you say?"
Ryoga wanted to be repulsed by Ranma. He wanted to say no. Ryoga wanted to wait for
Akane. But, he also realized that Akane and him would never happen. Their relationship
was refusing to work, as if fate was dealing him a poker-hand and all he wanted to do was
play blackjack. Ryoga looked over at the three bridesmaids. He made his decision. With a
nod at Ranma, Ryoga got up, and they both approached the bridesmaids' table.
***
Morning burst into Ryoga's room like some rude nosy neighbor. The morning light
disenchanted Ryoga's reality, taking away his dreams, making them fade into oblivion. The
world was just as miserable and lonely as ever. Except. Except that now Ryoga had a set
of memories filtering through his mind. Memories that shoved their way to the front of his
thoughts. Memories that brought a smile to his face that he hoped would never leave.
The clock said it was almost ten in the morning, and Ryoga decided to take it's word for
it, though, it had been a few minutes off before. Looking back at the bed, wishing to see
the girl of his dreams there, he sighed, when he found himself to be alone. Her chocolate
brown hair wafted through his mind's vision.
Ryoga threw on some sweat pants and a shirt. He took a deep breath, thought about her
again, and went to get himself some coffee. Marshal and Lily were already up, sitting on
the couch like they always did after breakfast. It was the last bit of coffee that sat warming
in Lily's coffee maker. Ryoga poured himself some.
Lily and Marshal looked at each other, sharing one of their silent conversations they
usually had when trying to not let anyone know what they were thinking. So close were
their thoughts, that they knew what the other was thinking, and often no words were even
needed for them to share their thoughts, but merely a look. They were gazing at each
other when Ryoga joined them. Lily looked back to Ryoga and smiled, "So where did you
disappear to last night?"
Ryoga remembered her again. He remembered her smile, and smiled himself. He
looked at Marshal and Lily, a goofy silent grin on his face. He said, "Last night was one of
the best nights of my life."
Marshal matched Ryoga's goofy smile, remembering the wedding the previous night,
remembering the dreams that stalked even his waking mind, "Tell me about it, that cake
was amazing! My stomach wouldn't shut up about it."
Marshal was thinking with his stomach again. Then again, coming from a family as big
and tall as Marshal's it wasn't surprising. They were like giants among mortals. Ryoga
paused, imagining Marshal hurling rocks as knights tried to reach him at the top of a hill,
then Ryoga laughed healthily at Marshal, "That cake is haunting you, huh?"
Marshal nodded, his eyes huge with frosty desire. Lily laughed along with Ryoga. She had
been dealing with Marshal talking about the cake all night, even when they had been
celebrating their first agreement in the wedding planning that morning. She looked back at
Ryoga, "Okay, enough with the cake, so what happened last night?"
Ryoga stopped laughing, a little abruptly. Chocolate colored hair floated on the edges of
his vision. He thought for a moment before saying, "I met the most amazing woman last
night, and I'll never see her again. And it's better that way."
Marshal and Lily were confused. They wondered what was so great about never seeing
someone amazing again? With curiosity nibbling at them, they allowed Ryoga to proceed
with his story.
***
Ryoga sat across from the cute woman with a short, tight black dress, and a white bow
that held her hair up. Her eyes gleamed with laughter and an inward happiness seen in
those who do what they love for a living. She was sipping on rice wine, while Ryoga drank
scotch. She smiled at him. "I should tell you, before we go any further, I have a rule. I
never hook up at weddings."
Ryoga silently and inwardly lamented his luck. She must have had many bad
experiences. Another one, who would not commit. Better to start off on safe grounds like
this, than to not start at all. Ryoga smiled at her, curiously leaning forward a bit. He
spoke, teasingly, "I'm guessing you haven't always had this rule."
She smiled again. She gazed at his handsome features, and strong shoulders. His eyes
echoed into her soul. She explained, "These big romantic moments, are not real. People
walk around with wedding goggles."
Ryoga understood where she was coming from. He was so pent up with frustration, with
just wanting to be happy and together with someone, that he often would not notice things
for what they really were. He nodded, understanding her on a level she might never have
expected him to. He decided to let go of his past for tonight. He needed to give up on
Akane. He needed to move on. He said, "I know what you mean. For example, I first saw
you, when you were out on the dance floor, doing the chicken dance. I must say, I fell in
love at first sight."
She genuinely laughed, all the way to her eyes. She leaned forward a bit more, almost
imperceptibly, like a ninja. This time she teased him, "You should see me tap-dance. You'd
be down on bended knee."
Ryoga laughed at himself, and muttered, "That wouldn't be too far from the truth." He
took another drink from his scotch, and smiled at her again, "That's why I'm not even
flirting with you."
She looked at him in mock shock. Her hands were playing with the thick napkin that sat
in front of her. She was distractedly folding it into different origami shapes. She smiled as
she spoke, "You mean, these aren't your moves?"
Ryoga shook his head, no. He thought of what he had done to get Akane's attention. He
flushed a little, feeling foolish. He finished his scotch to buy himself some time and to regain
confidence. Ryoga explained, "People ten tables away, would know if I was putting the
moves on you."
She looked disappointed, the way her head bobbed a little, sank a tiny bit. Her eyes
looked at him and through him. Maybe her denial had come out too strongly. Coming up
with an idea to spend more time with her handsome new acquaintance, she said, "That's too
bad. But, I think I have a solution, if you're interested."
The damnable light of hope lit the end of the night. Ryoga nodded, eager to keep talking
with her. Wanting to figure out who she was. Hoping they would connect on some mystical
deep level. Or more honestly, some carnal level as well.
"Let me just say, first, that we are not going to have sex tonight," she began.
"Less interested," Ryoga teased, hoping his frustration didn't leak into his words. She
laughed again, with the smile all the way to her eyes. He was starting to like that smile.
***
Marshal and Lily were sitting quietly as he told his story. Ryoga finished his coffee and
continued, "So she made the suggestion, of us just making it a one night deal. No contact
after the party. No names, no numbers, no email. Nothing."
"Oh that's lame," Marshal shook his head.
"What's wrong with you?" Lily sighed at Ryoga's continued ineptitude.
"No it was great," Ryoga came to his own defense, "I had a great night. And now it will
never be ruined."
Marshal tried to find the words to properly explain to Ryoga the magnitude of his
mistake, "Ryoga. Last night, I had the most amazing cake in my life. Do you think I'm just
going to let it out of my life? No, I'm going to find out what bakery made that cake, and
then I'm going to get more cake."
Ignoring her husbands continued obsession, Lily asked, "What happened next?"
Flashes of the previous night played back in Ryoga's head. He closed his eyes focusing
on them. Remembering in detail her hair, and eyes. He remembered her dress, and even
the cute white bow on her head. Ryoga opened his eyes and gave them the highlights, "We
came up with fake names. She decided on Buttercup, and I chose Butch."
"PPG, awesome," Marshal smiled and high-fived Ryoga.
Ryoga continued, "First I took a couple of wine glasses and a bottle of champagne. Then,
as I called for Lum and Ataru to kiss, Buttercup stole the bouquet."
Lily nodded in agreement, "Good for her, that's a horrible tradition."
Ryoga continued, "We danced, we talked, we almost kissed."
Marshal and Lily looked at each other, and Marshal asked, "How do you almost kiss?"
Ryoga remembered sitting down with Buttercup. Their faces coming closer, his heart
beating in his chest, the smell of her lipstick. His mouth parted slightly. Her breath lightly
teasing his lips. They breathed heavily, their eyes closed. Briefly their noses made a
connection, and it was like a lightning bolt. Ryoga could see her electrical field, his senses
were on edge. He opened his eyes and backed away, no longer trusting himself.
Back in the present, Ryoga simply answered, "It was all part of her plan, to have it not
be real. Just the drum roll as she put it. But ...."
Marshal knew what Ryoga was thinking. He knew his best friend had finally understood
the mistake he had made. "So you didn't get her real name at all?"
Ryoga shook, his head, "I guess, I'll never see her again."
Lily couldn't believe that all of it was lost, "She sounds amazing. Was she there with
anyone else? Maybe someone knew her?"
Ryoga lit up. "Ranma hooked up with one of the bridesmaids at her table! She might
know who Buttercup really is! I just have to ask Ranma to call her up."
***
"No," Ranma shook his head, and took another drink from his beer. The Nekohanten was
mostly empty, and he sat with Marshal and Ryoga in their usual booth.
"But Ranma, I really like this girl," Ryoga pleaded, trying to annoy Ranma into
submission.
Ranma ignored the whining in Ryoga's voice. If only his friend could see the futility and
wrongness of going after just one girl. Ranma stood his ground, "First of all, I told that girl
I was going to the Peace Corp. I'm supposed to be flying to Guatemala right now. Second,
I never call a girl a second time."
Ryoga couldn't believe that Ranma was trying to ruin his chance at love. There must be
some weakness he could exploit in Ranma. Ryoga remembered something that Ranma was
always trying to drag him to, Ryoga said, "Okay, how about if you call her, I'll agree to go
to Foxy Boxing with you."
Blood pounded in Ranma's ears for a split second. He looked at Ryoga, appraising his
friends earnestness. Ranma said, "But, you said that Foxy Boxing girls were neither foxy
nor good at boxing."
A smile weaseled it's way onto Ryoga's face. He knew he had said the right thing. Now
to seal the deal, Ryoga said, "I'm ready to be proven wrong."
A speed dial later, and Ranma was talking to the bridesmaid from the night before.
Ryoga sat in rapt attention, listening to Ranma's responses trying to pry some tidbit of
information earlier than it would be given to him. Ranma smiled as he spoke into the
phone, "Hi, hey Rihanna ... yeah the flight got delayed til tomorrow... I was wondering if
you remember one of the girls at your table last night?... My friend was hoping you'd know
her name... her shoes? He's a guy how would he know what kind of shoes she was
wearing?"
A flash of chocolate colored high heels with snowflakes. Ryoga interrupted Ranma,
"Actually, I do remember her shoes. She took them off to do a cartwheel, and so I
remember them."
His best friend was such a pussy. Ranma just couldn't believe it. He spoke into the
phone, "Apparently they were chocolate colored pumps with snowflakes on them... Yeah
they do sound cute... so her name was .... Kuonji?... Great! I'll let him know... umm...
tonight? Well I have to be on the flight pretty early, so I won't be able to sleep
over....Sure, I'll stop by tonight."
Ranma paused, before looking to Ryoga. He was going to have to back out of Foxy
Boxing, but for a smoking hot, super-kinky bridesmaid, it would be worth it. Ranma said,
"Sorry Ryoga, I'm going to have to skip Foxy Boxing, maybe another day ok? Her name
was Kuonji, sounds like a last name."
Ryoga thanked Ranma. Ranma said good bye to the both of them, and left to meet up
with Rihanna. Marshal and Ryoga shared a moment of painful anticipation, before Ryoga
dialed Lum's mobile phone.
Each ring of the phone was an agonizing eternity. Finally Lum answered, "Hey Ryoga,
what's going on?"
The moment of truth. She must know who Kuonji was. Lum held Ryoga's future in her
hands. Ryoga said, "Hey Lum! Great wedding! Listen, I was hoping to ask you a couple of
questions..."
Lum asked him what he wanted. Ryoga breathed in. Air traveled through his lungs, into
his center. He imagined himself as solid and strong as a rock. Ryoga breathed out slowly.
He said, "I was calling because I met this girl last night, and I was wondering if-"
Lum started yelling on the other-side of the phone. Ryoga pulled the phone away from
his ear and held it at arms length. From the phone came Lum's voice, "Just a few days ago
you were begging me to bring a girl my wedding, and now you're over her?"
Ryoga, cowed, said, "I moved on?"
There was an audible sigh from the phone followed by, "Fine, who was she?"
Ryoga hoped that Ranma's information was correct. He said, "I don't have her first
name, her last name is Kuonji."
Lum's voice suddenly sounded cheerful, "Oh you're in luck Ryoga! I still have the entire
guest list on the ships computer..."
Relief and joy, echoed in Ryoga's eyes, his smile, even his hair. Until Lum finished her
sentence, "... unfortunately, she's not on it."
Lum hung up, and Ryoga hung his head in his hands. Marshal came over to his friends
side of the booth and patted him on the back. Ryoga looked at Marshal, and sighed, "I've
just been saved from myself. It's fate. I'm not supposed to know who she is."
Marshal gave Ryoga a wistful half smile, "I have an idea. Let's get drunk."
***
Ryoga sits in his den, his two teenage children listening to him describe the difficulties he
was having. He continues, "I thought that was it. But fate, had something else in store for
me."
***
Akane sat next to Lily on the couch, wiping away the tears in her eyes. Akane's eyes
were red, her lips dry. She was snotting up, and was using toilet paper as a tissue. Lily
couldn't stand it any longer, "You have to tell him."
Akane sighed, looking everywhere in her apartment except at Lily. Akane was trying to
rationalize a million reasons to not tell Ryoga. None of them were working. Finally, she
nodded. "You're right Lily. I'm going to go tell him."
***
Marshal read the text he got from Lily. She was on her way to the bar with Akane. He
texted back to her, that finding the girl was a no go. Marshal took another drink, waiting
for Ryoga to come back from the bathroom.
Akane and Lily came into the bar. Spotting Ryoga walking to the table, Lily shoved
Akane at him. He caught Akane in his arms. Her hands had come up to brace herself, and
now rested on his chest. His arms thick and muscular drove Akane to distraction.
Ryoga asked her if she was okay. She looked up into his eyes, feral, sad, and drunk.
She gathered her courage. She spoke softly, "Ryoga."
His mobile was ringing. They both tried to ignore it, but it was too loud. Finally giving
up she told him to answer it. He just nodded, as he listened to the other end of the phone.
His eyes widened in shock. A surprised smile came to his face. Ryoga hung up the phone
and turned to Marshal, "That was Lum. Kuonji wasn't on the guest list because she wasn't a
guest. She was the caterer! Come on! I have her address!"
Marshal followed Ryoga, pausing briefly to see if Lily was coming with them. Lily shook
her head no. They had another quick silent conversation. Sighing they kissed each other
briefly, before going to support their best friend.
Akane cried as Lily held her.
***
The taxi cab sat outside Ucchan's. Inside, through the bay window, Ryoga and Marshal
watched her work. Ryoga stared at her. Thinking of the previous night. Thinking of her
hair, and her laugh. Thinking of Akane. Ryoga thought about what Akane wanted to say to
him before he left.
"Ryoga, the meter's still running," Marshal prodded his friend.
Ryoga nodded, getting out of the car. Before the door closed he heard Marshal shout
out, "Ask her where she ordered the cake from!"
From the car, Marshal saw Ryoga walk inside. For a brief moment the chef inside did
nothing. Then she ran up to him, and they were kissing, deeply, passionately. Knowing his
friend finally found a girl that was right for him, Marshal told the cab to take him home.
***
Ryoga smiles at his kids. From the open window he hears their three pigs snoring
outside. He finishes his story, "And so we started dating. Aside from your Aunt Akane,
Ukyo was my first big, true love, and what she taught me, stayed with me to this day."
Kibouka sighs. She gets up and kisses her father goodnight. Her brother Hogoshaku
hugged his father goodnight, and followed his sister upstairs to their rooms. Ryoga smiles,
thinking back to the first month he was with Ukyo.
Sometimes you can go too slow, he thought to himself. Sometimes you have to plunge
in. He hopes he can teach them that. He hopes he can get them to understand what it
means to be in love.