Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 1/2 ❯ A new romance! Love in trouble! We're hitichen a ride! ( Chapter 3 )

"Guys, it's going to be a bit before school's out, so why don't you explore the town." Brian suggested. "After this, we can head up to the Cat Café."

"You just want to see that strong chick again, don't you?" Jay said. "You got a boner for her, don't ya?" Jay said.

"Shut up Jay!" Brian said.

"Come on Brian." Ranma said.

"Yeah, we'll be late." Akane said.

**************************************************************** ********

Outside the school, all was quiet…

"RANMA! PREPARE TO DEFEND YOUR SELF!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

…That was until Kuno and Kodatchi spotted Ranma, Akane, and Brian.

"What's going on here?" Akane asked. "I thought you told them we were engaged already."

"I knew I forgot something." Brian said. Ranma was blocking Kuno's attacks, Akane was jumping to avoid the gas, and Brian was trying to think of a way to end the fighting. Then it dawned on him…

"HEY KODATCHI! YOU ARE THE WORST AND DUMBEST GYMNAST I HAVE EVER SEEN!"

…That he should not have said that.

"HOW DARE YOU!" Kodatchi said as she got out her infamous ribbon and wrapped it around Brian and Akane's necks.

"Note to self, if I live, never ever say that to a Kuno again." Brian said as he struggled to get free.

"You and the Tendo wench shall die for coming between me and my Ranma." Kodatchi said.

"KODACHI! DO ANYTHING TO HER AND I'LL KILL YOU!" Ranma said with intense anger.

"Thou hast not only cast a spell on the fare Akane, but has threatened my sister?" Kuno said. "PREPARE TO DIE!"

"Hey Shakespeare in the park, shouldn't you be saving the fare Akane?" Brian said in a desperate move to get Kuno and Kodatchi to fight each other.

"I will after I kill Ranma and thus removing the spell he put on my dear Akane." Kuno said.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kodatchi said enjoying she was strangling Brian and Akane when…

*WHAM*

…She was hit from behind by Shampoo.

"Thanks Shampoo." Brian said as he took a deep breath.

"Is no problem Brian." Shampoo said smiling. "But what about Ranma?" She asked when they all saw that Kuno was about to deliver a powerful strike…

*WHAM*

…Until they saw Silent Bob with a 9-Iron hit Kuno behind his head.

"That's what you get when you mess with our fucking friends you fucking asshole." Jay said.

"Guys, great to see you." Brian said.

"Hey, we heard there was a fight, and when we saw these two mother fuckers fight you guys, we got Shampoo and we kicked their Shakespeare in the park, over romancing asses." Jay said and Bob nodded while waving the club.

"Where'd you get the club?" Ranma asked.

"It's a long story." Jay said.

"Hey, you said you forgot to tell the Kunos, did you at least tell Ryoga?" Ranma asked.

"I did… but… he didn't take it well." Brian said.

"How did he take it?" Ranma asked.

"DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Ryoga said as he tried to strike Ranma. He missed, but saw Akane. "Akane, why not go with me? I can care for you! I love you!"

"But… I love Ranma!" Akane said.

"HIM?! HE'S THE ONE THAT MADE MY LIFE MISERABLE!" Ryoga said.

"Why don't you take some responsibility for once?" Ranma said.

"WHY YOU! SHISHI HOKODAN!" Ryoga said as he launched a ball of ki at Ranma. Ranma dodged it, but Ryoga continued to fight. Then Brian got an idea.

"SHAMPOO! I need a quick ride to the nearest pond!" Brian said.

"Shampoo understand." Shampoo said as she and Brian got on the bike and left quickly.

"Whatever they're doing, they better hurry." Akane said as she watched the fight. Ranma landed a few punches, but Ryoga then dodged one and delivered a powerful kick, knocking down Ranma.

"DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Ryoga said. He was about to deliver the final blow…

*SPLASH*

…Until Brian splashed Ryoga and Ranma with cold water.

"Squeal?" P-Chan said. However, it was to no avail because…

"You… little… PERVERT!"

…Akane for once witnessed the transformation.

"I TOLD YOU THINGS I'D NEVER TOLD ANYONE, I LET YOU SLEEP IN MY ROOM, I CLOTHED AND I FED YOU AND ALL THIS TIME YOU WERE REALLY RYOGA?!" Akane said steamed. "DIE!" She said as she pulled out her biggest mallet yet and…

*WHAM*

…Hit a home run as she knocked Ryoga out of the school grounds.

"Now you know why I told you not to call Akane or her sisters bitches." Brian said. "She one crazy girl." Jay and Bob nodded in response. "I think we're forgetting something."

"OH PIG TAIL GIRL!"

"Oh yeah, Kuno." Brian said. Bob…

*WHAM*

…Just hit him with the club again.

"Thanks." Brian said.

"Oh, I'm going to kill him." Ranma said.

"Why use your fist when you can use your noodle?" Brian said.

"Oh, so does this mean we do the noodle dance like in this one show…"Jay said.

"No Jay." Brian interrupted. He then saw Cassy. The blonde haired student of Furkian was the one of the biggest…

"Like, hi Brian. Like, what happened here?"

…And dumbest gossips of the school.

"Hey, Cassy," Brian said, "you want to hear something fucked up about the Kunos?"

**************************************************************** ********

At the Cat Cafe, Brian was laughing it up about the day with Jay and Silent Bob.

"One good thing of having a dumb blonde being one of the biggest gossipers is you get a laugh out of it. When I told her Kodatchi and Kuno go at it, she thought I met go at it, when I met go at it." He said as he made a punching motion.

"You mean they fucking fight instead of fuck? And I thought Jerry Springer guests were nuts." Jay said and Bob nodded.

"The funniest part is when ever someone asked Kuno or Kodatchi 'Do you guys really go at it?' They gave weird looks and asked what's weird about it." Brian said. "Hey Shampoo, we're ready for the bill. Shampoo?"

Meanwhile, Shampoo was in the kitchen with Cologne.

"But great-grandmother, what if he say no?" Shampoo asked. "Shampoo didn't get message about Ranma until too late, if Brian say no Shampoo will feel worse then when Shampoo heard about engagement."

"Shampoo, you don't know unless you try." Cologne said.

"But…" Shampoo said.

"Shampoo, are you or are you not an Amazon?" Cologne asked.

"Shampoo am." Shampoo said.

"Then ask him." Cologne said.

"Here go." Shampoo said as she nervously entered the café.

`Good thing I sent Mousse on that errand.' Cologne thought.

"Hey Shampoo, we're ready to pay." Brian said just before slurping up some noodles.

"Brian, Shampoo wants to know… would you take Shampoo to date?" She said. Brian gagged and was chocking on the noodles.

"DO SOMETHING TONS OF FUN!" Jay said and Bob performed the Heimlich, causing the noodles to come out…

"I'm done with the…"

*WHAM*

…And hit the just returning Mousse in head.

"Me?" Brian asked. "Sure! I'd love too. This weekend." Brian said.

"It date." Shampoo said smiling.

**************************************************************** *******

"Man, you scored a date with that fucking Amazon chick." Jay said as they were heading to the dojo.

"Yep, and my friends are getting married. Nothing can go wrong." Brian said. Then Bob pointed to a crying Soun as they entered the dojo. "Why's he crying this time?"

"Akane and Ranma had another heated argument." Nabbiki said. "It was about her cooking again."

"So? They always fight." Brian said.

"But Ranma went for the low blow." Nabbiki said.

"He didn't?" Brian said.

"He did." Nabbiki said.

"Did what?" Jay asked.

"Compared Akane's cooking to ether Shampoo's or Ukyo's." Brian answered.

"Both actually." Nabbiki said as she told the whole story.

*FLASHBACK*

"Yuck! This tastes worst than last week." Ranma said.

"RANMA! I worked hard on this!" Akane said.

"If I knew it was your turn to cook, I would have called Shampoo or Ukyo. They knew how to cook." Ranma said.

"WHY YOU…" Akane said. Then, she got out the big mallet and…

*WHAM*

…Hit Ranma upside the head and the two had their biggest argument yet to date.

"MAYBE IF I WAS WITH RYOGA, HE'D LOVE MY COOKING!" Akane said.

"NOT AFTER YOU HIT HIM SO HARD HE LANDED IN CHINA!" Ranma said.

"I WAS ANGRY!" Akane said.

"YOU ALWAYS ARE!" Ranma said.

"WELL IF YOU LIKE UKYO'S OR SHAMPOO'S COOKING WHY DON'T YOU GO TO THEM?!" Akane said.

"MAYBE I WILL! AND WHILE I'M WITH ONE OF THEM, MAYBE YOU CAN SMOOCH UP TO RYOGA FOR FORGIVENESS!" Ranma said.

"THAT'S FINE BY ME!" Akane said.

*END FLASHBACK*

"Then they packed up their stuff and left so they wouldn't see each other." Nabbiki said.

"Where the fuck would they go?" Jay said.

"Well, Shampoo thinks of Ranma as a friend now… the only one that I can think of taking advantage is Kodatchi…" Brian said. "But since Ranma doesn't even like her, I'd say Ukyo's."

"And most likely Akane is trying to find Ryoga." Nabbiki said.

"Where were Genma and Soun?" Jay asked.

"They heard Akane was cooking and went out." Nabbiki said. "It looks like the wedding's off."

"But wait, don't those fucking love birds love each other?" Jay asked.

"Yeah, I'm willing to bet all my money that all they need to do is see each other and they'll realize that they were both idiots." Nabbiki said. Then, the three friends got an idea.

"And we're the mother fuckers to do it." Jay said pointing to him, Bob, and Brian.

"What?" Nabbiki said. "You three?"

"Yeah, what's the problem?" Jay asked.

"What's the problem? Three stoners from Jersey are going to trek all over Japan to find to torn love birds in order to get a wedding that everyone was hopping for back on track." Nabbiki said. "It sounds like something out of a bad story. I mean, who'd in their right minds would think that your idea is good?" Nabbiki asked. Then, all four looked to the readers, and Brian and Silent Bob smiled then looked at each other again.

"D'HO! MY DATE!" Brian said as he left to call Shampoo.

"Ok, so we got a month until the wedding rehearsal." Jay said. "That's…" Jay stopped to count his hands. "Two weeks."

"Actually, I count four." Nabbiki said.

"My bad." Jay said. "That's four weeks to get the two love birds together and get this wedding back on track." Then Brian appeared.

"Great news. Shampoo wants me to help you guys so she postponed the date, AND she said that if we need her help at anytime we should call her." Brian said and then he had an idea.

"What the fuck are you thinking?" Jay asked.

"Well, you guys know how strong Ranma and Akane are, right?" Brian asked.

"Right." Jay responded and Bob nodded.

"Well, Cologne has some temporary cursed springs. I'll call Shampoo and get some so we can make it easier to take Ranma and Akane back." Brian said.

"That's good. I'll post on my web site that the wedding is still on." Nabbiki said.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go." Brian said.

**************************************************************** ********

After getting some spring from Cologne, Brian, Jay and Silent Bob were at the bus station. They were at a bus and Brian motioned for Jay and Bob to go first. When they all got in… they all got kicked out.

"I can't believe that you got to pay for the bus here too man." Jay said.

"I didn't know." Brian said.

**************************************************************** ********

A few minutes later, the trio were hitch hiking along the highway.

"This sucks." Jay remarked. "How come we ain't getting no ride?"

"Because you're doing it all wrong!" They heard a brown haired woman yell across the road.

"Well, how are we supposed to do it?" Brian asked.

"Offer something." The woman than put up a `Will take head for ride' sign.

"But you're a girl, how can you take head?" Jay asked.

"Well, I have an extra part." The girl said. The trio gave an `Oh' look, then did a double take.

"You're a… a…" Brian stuttered.

"Born with both and love it." The girl said.

"But what makes you think anyone will give you a ride?" Jay said. "I mean, by giving something doesn't that mean that you'd be willing to take head?"

"Here's the thing about some young Japanese men. They're perverts." The girl said.

"So are American men." Brian said.

"Yeah, look at us three." Jay said pointing to him, Bob, and Brian.

"Yes, but for some reason, they like some girls in the comics to have extra equipment. I mean, take a look at most of the manga you'd find on the web." The girl said.

"That's a good point." Brian said.

"Plus the girls are just the same. Just the other day, this one girl took me half way across Tokyo if I offered her head twice." The girl said. Just then a limo pulled up. "Hi. How big is it? You tell me." The girl told the driver when she got in. "Got to go." She said as the limo left.

"That was disturbing." Brian said.

"Big time." Jay said.